


Fate/Stay Life

by Ma_Kir



Category: Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, F/M, Family, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Polyamorous Pack, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-15
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2018-10-19 09:37:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 96
Words: 244,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10637193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ma_Kir/pseuds/Ma_Kir
Summary: A variant timeline of the Heaven's Feel route is created as Emiya Shirou makes another choice and decides to fight for those he loves. It's living after that is the challenge.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing a Fate/Stay Night fanfic. I have had this idea for a long time and while I don't know how I am going to write it here, or even if I can maintain this fic due to many real life and professional responsibilities, I know the gist of where I want this to go. 
> 
> I suppose I should also be upfront and say that while I have done my best to research the Nasuverse and Fate/Stay Night and Zero themselves, I am by no means an expert and I am just trying to tell a story about people, with abilities, being with people in the Moonlit World. So, with this disclaimer out of the way, let us see what we can do.

Emiya Shirou kneels over the blackened body of Saber with the Azoth dagger raised high. They did it. He and Rider defeated her. Bits of Shirou's mind are flaking away, but the glowing pale gold eyes of Saber, once so green, are still clear. It hurts. Everything hurts. His arm -- Archer's arm -- is screaming with memories that are his, and not his own. His body aches with cuts, broken bones, lacerations, and pain made metallic by the swords already growing inside him to compensate.

But what hurts the most is while he knows ... he knows that while there are places, people, faces, names he's already forgotten -- parts of him that are are erased more thoroughly than anything the Fuyuki Fire had ever done to him and his sense of self as a child -- he can still remember her. He can still remember Saber. And for all the apathy she showed before in fighting them, Saber's eyes are clear now.

She's made it clear to him that she wants this. Even knowing that sparing her will allow her to kill him and Rider, after everything they've gone through together, it's going to end like this. Shirou's vision wavers, not with the onset of unconsciousness, but moisture. He can somehow see droplets of water glistening down Saber's blackened armour. He knows what he has to do. It's for Rin and ... and ... the one he has to protect, right? Purple hair ... violet eyes ... darker than Rider's hair, but similar. There is a faded ribbon in her hair. The greed of her body against his, surrounding his, her burning flesh and generous body consuming him, draining him over and again as it her entire being gasps, breathing for air, for physical warmth, for contact ...

_Senpai ..._

_I am your sword, Shirou ..._

_Baka ..._

_Onii-chan ..._

"You don't have to do it like this, you know." 

Shirou blinks. He looks up from where he kneels over Saber and everything suddenly feels strange. They are still in the cavern under Mount Enzou, where the Grail -- the Heaven's Feel Ritual of centuries has gone horrifically wrong -- but the shadows are different. They are still moving in the periphery, but somehow they are more sluggish. They swirl and move more slowly, like water in winter, until they seem to freeze entirely. Even the baleful red lights from where Tohsaka left up ahead with their copy of the Jeweled Sword and grim purpose looks somehow more artificial: like the cut outline of light and exaggerated models of particles instead of the real thing. It's as though Archer's eyes, along with his arm and memories have truly taken over the rest of Shirou's being. But he can move his head and sees Rider, in mid-stride coming towards them, battered and bleeding and exhausted, but caught in mid-motion. Somehow, while it seems as though forever is sloughing across his skin, he knows it hasn't been that long, and it won't be for more longer. 

"There has always been a light inside of you. I wonder if you know how to use it."

She is tall. She's tall and long white hair surrounds her face. Red eyes look at him with some sympathy, but with far more curiosity. She is glowing. The woman resembles an angel in the snow. She reminds him of someone ... the person's memories from ... given from someone to help him make the Sword for Tohsaka. But she looks like someone else too. .

"Are you ..." Shirou cannot find the words as the swords keep screeching through his mind, his rusting, fraying Magic Circuits culminating into the pain and confusion of his very being. 

She smiles, sweetly. "No." She sighs. "I don't know if it will take this time, Shirou. I've tried many other times. Don't have much time, I'm afraid. Literally." She giggles. "You're going to have to figure it out on your own."

"... I don't remember you." Shirou mumbles. "What thing ... I don't ..."

"All those memories you're losing, Shirou. They're being overwritten."

"Yes." Shirou slurs a bit. "Someone told me that would happen ..."

"Yup. It will kill you. Very badly. But, another hint won't hurt, right?" Her pale, long fingered hand pokes his chest gently like a feather, or a ghost. "You haven't forgotten everything. Not yet. It's just a phase. And if you don't remember the light in you, I'm sure your arm will. Muscles have memories. They remember what the mind forgets."

She kneels down and wraps her arms around his midsection. He is surprised that doesn't feel pain when she hugs him. She buries her face under his shoulder blade and murmurs. "I think you can do it, this time."

Shirou enjoys the gentle warmth of the white-garbed woman before his heart beat accelerates and the blood comes rushing back into his ears. He looks down at Saber and hears Rider staggering towards them. He remembers now. A kaleidoscope of memories, with an added ironic tint to thought with regards to the word "kaleidoscope" whirls through his mind and he remembers the words of Archer ... spoken to him at some point, at this time, or another ...

If he can't save Saber himself, Sakura  ... to save everyone, he needs to envision something that can.

 _"Trace. On."_  

His Magic Circuits, from his borrowed arm, and outwards scream. They reach deep inside of him, searching, finding something, taking something out from him far beyond Archer's invading Reality Marble. Deep into an inventory. Into the darkness. Something beyond his corrupting body. Something incorruptible. 

_Structural analysis._

A shape is forming in Shirou's mind's eye. Something like a shield. It is glowing golden. The Azoth dagger falls out of his hands as they take on almost a life of their own, reaching that final stage, ripping something pure, and perfect from his ravaged being with one greater moment of Projection ... then something beyond Projection. Its name, its being, beyond human, beyond mortality flares through his mind.

"Shirou!"

Rider is holding Shirou upright, as Shirou's hands continue to clutch the object he has summoned from within him. His mind wanders only for a bit as he remember's Rider's beautiful, square-pupil violet eyes and immediately turns away from them. He is in agony, but somehow feels even lighter. Perhaps a little emptier. He looks at the gleaming gold of the object in his hands. So is Saber. Somehow, her ashen face has turned even more pale. Her eyes are wide with shock. Shirou looks at Excalibur, with its blue runes and silver sheen that had the potential to be golden turned black and riddled with red veins like the corruption that took Saber ... that took Sakura. 

"Rider ..." Shirou wheezes. "Let me put this in her."

The Servant's eyes also widen in incredulity. "That is a Noble Phantasm. What ... is it?"

Shirou sighs. "It will stop her." He looks down at Saber. "It will stop her better than my dagger ever could."

"No ..." Saber murmurs. "No ... don't."

"What is going on?" Rider's tone turns dark. "She's regenerating. It's time to end this."

"Yes." Shirou says, taking the artifact and placing it over Saber. "It is."

"No. Don't do it. I'm ... already regenerating." Saber says. "Finish me ..."

Suddenly, Shirou feels a blade at his throat. Rider jerks his head away, so that he won't look at her eyes. "You remember the deal, boy."

"I do."

"My Master told me to keep you safe. But I will save her. And Saber will keep us from that."

"She won't do anything."

Rider's metal nail digs into his skin a little deeper. "I can _smell_ the healing magics on that artifact. I told you I'd kill you if you risk Sakura's life." 

Shirou exhales. "Saber won't be hers after this. She won't be anyone's."

Rider pauses at the steel, certain tone in Shirou's voice. 

Saber's eyes have somehow grown wider. They are pleading. "Please don't do this, Shirou."

Shirou takes a hand and strokes Saber's hair.

"Saber ... I'm sorry."

Shirou focuses his mind and presses Avalon into Saber's lacerated breastplate. The golden glow of the Noble Phantasm burns through the darkness. The sheathe returns into its owner as she screams. Saber is screaming as she writhes on the ground. The magic of Avalon burns against the oily, putrid darkness of Angra Mainyu's curse. The incorruptible fights with the ultimate corruption with Saber flailing between them. Shirou watches as these two forces finish the healing that Saber's body had already been undergoing, but conflict inside of her. Tears roll down Shirou's face at the agony his former Servant, his friend, Saber must be experiencing. 

Rider removes her chained dagger from Shirou's neck as he stumbles back onto his feet, but not before picking up his Azoth dagger again. 

"Come Rider."

Shirou stumbles past Saber, walking towards the tunnel. Rider watches the other leave his former Servant writhing on the ground. She fingers her dagger, but realizes it will do absolutely nothing to the other Servant. She follows Shirou, catching up to him swiftly as he stumbles again, catching him. 

"You should have killed her." She says, quietly, putting her blind back onto her eyes. "It would have been far more merciful."

Shirou's fist clenches around the Azoth dagger. Tears drip down his face. He pauses for a few moments, wanting to get back to Saber, wanting to comfort her, feeling horrible at what he has done. 

"I don't have much time left, Rider. Come. Let's save Sakura."

Rider nods, and the two of them walk away, leaving Saber's screams echoing in the darkness left behind them. 


	2. Chapter 2

Emiya Shirou is pain.

There is nothing else, really. There is only pain. Blades cutting into him and out of him. His world ... that man's world eating him from the inside, and the tortured outer world. The Azoth Dagger is long gone. It wouldn't have mattered anyway. His Magic Circuits, the nervous system of his soul, are frayed to the point of no longer existing. He couldn't activate what was left of its energy, power he used to help him materialize Rule Breaker for .... for her ... to do anything, never mind fight his opposite in every sense of the word. There is just the mutation of metal and agony inside of him now, and the battered opponent -- his nemesis -- in front of him. 

Shirou can barely remember his own name, but Kotomine Kirei stands out. The false priest, no ... perhaps the priest of Angra Mainyu, of All the World's Evil, of the thing that stands in the way of .... of her ... of their ... happiness stands over him with his cut, mutilated fists. They're both dead men, but he knows in what is left of his sense of self, after giving it his all that Kotomine has a little more time than he does. He doesn't even know why he still fights. Why he still fights to live. There's nothing he can do now. The bloated, twisted monolithic bulk of Angra Mainyu, the Grail poisoned by Avenger's hate and the ambitions of all the Magi before them is gestating, about to break free of its mutated womb and wreak havoc on the world. Even now, his ... that man's arm is screaming at him, but it can do nothing. Not like this. Not anymore. 

Suddenly, Kotomine lowers his fists. The man's dark eyes, usually bland and empty, had been filled with anger and hatred. But now, they are softening. There is almost something like a ... gentleness. Like serene joy. 

"You don't have any prana left, do you Emiya Shirou."

The priest sighs, almost jovially, good-naturedly even. "This whole time, you overcame the emptiness inside of you. Inside of us. You want something beyond yourself and you just don't have the energy to do it. Even after this."

Kotomine falls to his knees and Shirou hears something from the man. He's ... chuckling. 

"You finally made a sense of self beyond helping others, beyond the guilt of living and now, you are losing even that. And I never ... got that far. No, I ..." Kotomine shakes his head. "I did it. After all this time. The Grail is complete. I protected that life. That was my purpose. I ..."

Shirou struggles to say something, to counter the priest. "And ... you won't live to see it, will you ..." Shirou coughs up more blood, feeling another sword pierce his lung. "You'll never see it be born ... you'll get to understand ... what you are ..."

Kotomine smirks. It's the same old expression that Shirou had wanted to knock off his face ever since they met at the beginning of the War. "Yes. But ... I die content, knowing that ... it will live on. That I did my part to save something ... like me. Something that couldn't help its own nature, that still had the right to be born. And we both what we wanted. I protected a new life. And you ... gained new life. A pity you had to kill your Servant, that she vanished ..."

In the haze of pain, Shirou's heart painfully skips a beat. No ...

"... and that your sacrifice for those girls means ... nothing. They will die after us. Even so ... r-rejoice, Emiya Shirou." Kotomine's face widens into a beatific smile. "You are the victor of the Fifth Holy Grail War." Kotomine spreads out his trembling arms, his fingers splaying out as he arches his neck back into a parody of the Son of God that he had once claimed to worship. "Watch the death of your dream and ... rejoice ..."

Kotomine's eyes close as he slumps over and crumples to the ground: the dark tendrils whirling out of his chest finally dissipating. Kotomine Kirei lies on the ground, as though in peaceful sleep, having a beautiful dream, his smile still on his face. Somehow, it seems wrong to Shirou. But at the same time, given how wrong the man fundamentally was, as he himself had ... been? Yes, it made sense. 

"I ..." Shirou coughs. "I will break your dream. I will find a way ... They  ... they? Yeah. They are the ones who will really ... smile ..."

Shirou tries to get to his feet. His body is pain. His mind is pain. He is agony. The Fire ... he survived the Fire all those years ago, burning him away ... he can do this one last thing. Somehow, what is left of Emiya Shirou has got back onto his knees. He is trying to find that spark in him again. Of the fire. Of the forge. One last work. One last projection. He remembers a sword. It is silver and inlaid with blue. Its hilt is gold but not as golden as the power surrounding it. It was ... her weapon. Her ... her name ... he can't remember. But he knows the name of the weapon. Of the sword. If he can just muster a little more power ...

Emiya Shirou forces his failing eyes open and looks up at the bloated mass than is Angra Mainyu filled with curses. He tries to feel that old anger towards it. Instead, he finds himself thinking about ... others. The two ... sisters ... stopping ... her Servant ... his Servant? It distracted one, broke her link with her enough for the other to ... Yes. He came there and freed her with Rule Breaker. He told ... told the other purple-haired one, the beauty ... he told her to save them. She told him to come back. For the sake of the other girl. Of the one with the ribbon in her hair. In his arms. The blue-eyed one had pain in her eyes looking at him. He felt bad ... if he had caused that pain ... 

He never wanted to hurt anyone. He just wanted to see them smile like that man, on that day, of the Fire ... And if he could just get a little more prana, a little more energy, he could see those smiles again when he destroyed this black, ugly, pulsating thing that was the obstacle to their happiness. 

"Ex ..." Shirou says, then chokes. His eyes widen as he starts to fall over. It'd been too much. He can't do it. He's failed. He got them all away and he's failed them ... 

"M-Master ..."

Something catches him. Someone. He smells the rust of blood on hill flowers. Soft, wiry, strong hands surround him. They are holding him as he lies ontop of something, of someone soft. Shirou realizes his head against someone's chest. He feels droplets of ... moisture running down his hair. He blinks up. She's covered in blood. She is wearing a tattered blue dress. Her blonde-hair is messy and stained in red. Her face is gaunt and her eyes are sunken. But they are blue. She is crying. 

"Sa --" Shirou's head blazes. "Sa ..."

Saber cradles Shirou against herself. "Shirou ... Master ... Shirou ... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Quickly. Make a contract with me."

"Sab ..." Shirou's brow furrows under the blood, bruises and pain. "Saber ..."

"Yes. Yes, Shirou." She touches his face with a slender, pale hand. "Please. Make the contract. I have little prana, but we can survive. Until we get the others."

Shirou is transfixed. It's strange. He ... he knows he's seen her without her armour before, but after everything, seeing her in that blue dress without its breastplate, the tattered, wan texture of her skin, the agony in her eyes. "Saber ... no."

"Master, please. I can't leave you like this."

"I ... I saved you."

"Yes." Saber is trembling. "Yes you did."

"I ... I'm sorry I left you. I ... I am a terrible Master."

"No. No don't apologize. We don't have time." She shakes him, gently, but with an intense expression on her face. "Avalon might ..."

"We ... don't have time." Shirou sighs, feeling rather than seeing the mass of shadows and curses brew up around them. "You need to use Excalibur. You need to destroy this thing ..."

"I ... I can't." Saber looks away. "The struggle. Between the curse and Avalon. It took all my prana. Almost all of it. Together, Shirou. We need to face this together."

"... I can't ..." 

"No. No you can. Please stay with me. I ..."

"You two are being ridiculous." 

Saber jerks up. Shirou blinks and tries to see who spoke. It is a familiar voice. The form in front of them. It's ... small. She's a little girl. A little girl in a white, glittering dress. Her eyes glow red. Just like ... a woman he met? No, he has seen her before. A name fights to make itself known to him. 

"Il ..."

The girl shakes her head. "Saber, Onii-chan, make that contract." She turns and faces the darkness of Angra Mainyu. "I know what I have to do." 


	3. Chapter 3

"Ill ..."

Illyasviel von Einzbern turns away from Shirou and Saber to face the darkness of Angra Mainyu. She can feel the Dress of Heaven now. Its red vestments thrum against her like a heartbeat, its scriptures as eyes seeing into the shadows, the seven rings made to carry the souls of heroes, and its fine white cloth and headdress covering her like the protective second skin that her family, that her poor handmaiden Lesyritt transmuted herself into for the purpose of the Einzbern Clan, and the good of her mistress.

"Illy ..."

"Saber." She tells the Servant. "Protect my younger brother, please. He needs all the help he can get."

"Illya. I ..."

"Protect him better than you did mama and papa."

Saber's wan face twists into a mask of further guilt and resignation. She holds onto a weakly struggling Shirou, as the other tries to reach for the girl. "I understand, Illyasviel."

"N-no ..." Shirou's mouth is working. "Ill ... Illy ..."

"It's all right, Onii-chan. Saber knows her orders. Just like Berserker knew his. You'll be safe soon. Live. Shirou. Remember and live."

Illya smiles.

It's not a predatory, vicious grimace like the one she'd learned under the tutelage of her family, and the abandonment of her parents back in the Black Forest. It isn't the grin of childish joy belying her true age arrested by the development of her homunculus body. It's the smile of an adult finally grown up, protecting the ones she loves. She begins to walk away into the burbling, red-violet darkness of Angra Mainyu's emerging kingdom of hell on earth.

"Ill ... Illy ... Illya ...

 _"ILLYA ..._ "

Shirou's anguished screams fade away behind her, her younger brother calling out for her in his grief, as the shadows swallow her whole. Illya sighs. Some people are slow on the uptake, it seems. Some more than others. Matou Zouken himself, in one last remnant of a crest worm, had held tenuously onto what was left of his existence, his frayed thread of a rotting soul still seeking life and fulfillment of a purpose it had long forgotten before the cold, clear memories of her ancestor Justeaze Lizrich von Einzbern bade him remember and finally give up his delusion. Compared to that, Shirou's stubbornness was complacency by comparison.

_You really underestimate that idiot, Illya._

Illya chuckles. "Oh, Archer, I think you know he's changed this time around. After all, you gave him your arm."

_A last gambit. If I could've helped anyone else ..._

"He won't be like you, you know. Those others. They aren't as good as me." Illya says, calling on the powers of the Dress of Heaven. "Barely worthy of him, really. Especially the Tohsaka peasant. But they won't let him become like you, Onii-chan. They owe me that much for saving them all."

Illya feels Archer's soul shift inside of her. _I don't remember much about back then, but losing you was one of the worst moments of my life. The little idiot better remember his promise. To Sakura. To you._

"To everyone he loves." Illya raises her hands into the air as the curses of Angra Mainyu swarm towards her radiant figure. "Just I need to keep my own promise. Be with me to the other side, Shirou."

_Of course, Illya. Let's destroy this abomination._

Illya nods and begins to call upon the Dress of Heaven. She feels its power, the incomplete Third Magic forming from the rings interacting with the rest of the Greater Grail under the mountain, finding the places and leylines temporarily having manifested the power of spirits into the physical world, and shutting them down. She also has one more use for the Dress. It will already cost her. Just as it formed from Lesyritt's body, so too will its ultimate power, after augmenting her enough to shut the Gates of Heaven, consume her. 

_"Fimbulvetr."_

The tendrils and bile around Illya begin to slow down. The cherry red lights of blood and anguish fade away. Illya notices everything becoming white and crystalline. A latticework spreads out from where she hovers. It takes her a while to see that she is in a different place. It is a tower. It is a tower with an enormous ceiling and thousands of analogue clocks. They are all kinds. Alarm clocks, cuckoo clocks, ornate grandfather clocks ... But they are frosted over. There is snow on them. And all of their hands are a minute away from midnight. For a few moments, Illya wonders if somehow these are the last few moments of her corporeal existence playing out before her eyes, a parody of the Einzbern's Castle surveying the Black Forest where she spent her early life on the shoulders of Kiritsugu before she notices that the power of the Dress has not been unleashed, but forestalled somehow.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but we don't have much time."

Illya looks up at a woman. She is tall. She's wearing a white coat with furred lining. But it's her hair and her skin and her eyes that get her attention. The girl and the woman regard each other, the frost coming from their lips like the hushed, unspoken conversations of hundreds if not thousands in this silent, glacial place. 

"Mama?"

The other woman smiles sadly. "No. I'm not. And before you ask, I'm not Justeaze either. I'm become different from them both."

Illya nods. "I see." She looks around her. "This is a nice view." 

The woman smiles. "Thanks. I try to maintain it. In my mind's eye. It's important to do that, over time. Right before the final step." 

"This is exactly what I think it is."

"Yes." 

"Well." Illya says. "It is not polite to interrupt the ritual of a magus and not introduce yourself."

The woman laughs. "My apologies. I'm ... well, you can call me Eris."

Illya blinks. She sees the woman smile again, noticing how long and sharp her canines are. "I'm sorry." Illya curtsies. "I see introductions aren't needed. Are you from the Lord Second?"

"Not from _him_ , no. It's me that should be thanking you, Illyasviel von Einzbern. For everything." Eris laughs, a tinkling sound of gently shattering crystals in the inevitable thaw. "You don't need to curtsy, but it is cute."

Illya pouts. She knows she's pouting. It's putting a damper on her prior grace. Somehow, she feels Archer laughing inside of her. "Oh, not you too."

Eris blinks her crimson eyes. "So ... _he_ is there too." 

Illya shakes her head. "If we're talking about the same one, yeah."

"Well, that's just convenient." Eris claps her hands together in a manner eerily reminiscent of Irisiviel. "Counter-Guardian, you know who I am. You probably know why I'm here."

_Yeah. I think I do._

Illya blinks as she believes she also knows. "I ... take it, that you want the Dress."

"Yes please. I think I'm going to need it where I'm going. Where I will need to be."

Illya takes off the Dress. "Better not try to be destroying the world or anything, Ancestor. Onii-Chan helping you or no, letting you through, Alaya will obliterate you."

"Oh silly. It's nothing as gross as that." Eris shrugs off her coat and shirt, leaving Illya to envy her slender, adult body and notice the ... strangely familiar glowing crest on her pallid back. "Besides, you know that Archer knows I won't do that."

"You are a strange lady." Illya sticks out her tongue, much to the other's laughter.

"Haha. It takes one to know one." Under the other woman's ministrations, the dress stretches out and covers her lithe frame. Illya looks at her as she spins around: a tall, graceful priestess made of ice with a familiar, goofy smile shared with someone else. "How do I look?"

"Ok, I guess." Illya sighs. "So ... now what?"

Eris' smile falters a bit. "Now ... we depart."

"I'm not going to see you again, am I."

"No." 

Illya nods. "I think I get it." 

Eris comes forward and puts a hand on Illya's shoulder. "Chin up. I'm going to take care of Archer."

"You'd damn well better."

"And you take care of _him_ , ok?" Eris ruffles Illya's hair. "And remember to visit the Castle. I think you'll figure out the rest. I'll see them soon. You know, send my regards."

Illya's eyes begin to water. "I will too. On my end. Take care."

Eris beams at her, raising her arms into the air, giving her a thumbs up. "Oh don't do that, now I'll cry too ..."

Suddenly, the crest on Eris' back flares through the Dress and, as one, the clocks of the Tower turn to midnight. Reality ripples around Illya, taking the smile, the crest, the clocks, the ice, the shadows, and Angra Mainyu away, locking them from this time forever. Illya feels empty without Archer and the others. She's falling, falling through space and time ... or perhaps someone else ... 

From far away, she thinks she hears the woman's voice again.

_"Told that old man I'd do it. Thanks though. Besides, this was no Grandfather Paradox, and I am no man ..."_

The last thing Illya sees, is she is back in Mount Enzou, under it, completely naked and lying on the ground as the cavern begins to collapse. 


	4. Chapter 4

" _ILLYA! **ILLYA!**_ "

Suddenly, Shirou's eyes roll back into his head. 

"Shirou? _Shirou!_ "

Emiya Shirou is convulsing. More blades begin shoving themselves out of his shoulders, his armpits, his legs and his throat. Saber's eyes widen in horror. Blood and foam streams out of the young man's quavering mouth. His screams have become hissing and gurgling. 

"No." Saber clutches him, ignoring the blades biting into her flesh. She doesn't care. The pain is small compared to the agony of watching her Master, watching Shirou dying in her arms because of his magic, become of his struggles ... because of her. "No no no no. Shirou, hold on. Make the contract. Please. It's ..."

But Saber realizes, now, that it's too late. Shirou is twitching, with metallic sheen underneath wounds made internally. One of his arms is convulsing like a fiend, scrambling on the ground, trying to find purchase. Belatedly, Saber realizes this isn't possible. Shirou lost that arm. He lost it while she was still serving the Shadow. Even with Avalon, there was no way he could have regenerated it: especially given that by the time ... the Shadow ... Sakura took her, they no longer had their contract. It's discoloured, muscular and tanned. She has seen that arm before. What did Shirou do? What did they do to him? 

Saber is no magus. She doesn't understand what is happening, or why but somehow she knows this is the source of it. And there is nothing she can do. Helplessness fills her throat more greedily than any Shadow or cursed muck. Shirou can't speak the incantation to bind them together again. She doesn't have the magic or the skill as a Servant to do anything on this end. Her gauntleted hand clutches his strange, older, alien arm: grabbing its trembling fingers and keep its forming fist under her palm. Suddenly, she remembers something. The Throne of Heroes and her time with Tohsaka Rin and ... Sakura has given her enough knowledge to understand how prana can be transferred. Servants can eat souls, gain energy from leylines in the Earth, even have sexual intercourse through an exchange of energy and fluids ...

Fluids. 

Saber brings up Shirou's head with her other hand, cradling it. The blades in his skin are piercing her, but she needs them to cut another place. Without any further thought, she brings her lips to Shirou's mouth: bringing them over his own and cutting them on the jagged pieces of metal forming around them. Saber focuses every bit of her being, imagining Avalon uniting them, remembering the image of the dragon that is her family emblem. It almost happens of its own volition, and briefly, she wonders if she is seeing it or if somehow she can feel it through the remnants of Shirou's mind. Which means ...

Shirou gasps under her mouth, an exchange of blood between them: the spiritual made flesh and flesh being consumed by magical blades. His chest heaves and and he coughs, a rough, metallic sound of released rust. Saber feels a weak trickle between them, but it's familiar. It's there. Somewhere, in the depths of the reality that is Emiya Shirou, the intent behind the words of the incantation were still there. Combined with the raw mana flooding around them from the corrupted Grail, it was just enough.

They are bonded again. 

Suddenly, the darkness around them explodes into light. Saber covers Shirou with her body, clutching him for dear life. She is his sword. Whatever she did, however she betrayed him, she's not going to let him die. She can still, somehow, feel him dying. The bond isn't enough. Not even Avalon can repair Shirou's twisted Magic Circuits. And it won't be enough if the Mountain falls on the both of them. 

Slowly, the radiance dissipates. Saber opens her eyes. It takes a bit for the blurry afterimages to resolve themselves into light and shadow again, but she sees a form lying on the ground. A small, white, naked form completely motionless. 

"Illyasviel ..." Saber feels the cavern begin to shake violently around them. The magic here is gone. Whatever Illya did is destabilizing this place, with its already questionable foundations from the duel between Rin and Sakura. She doesn't want to leave Shirou, but she knows that Shirou would never forgive her if she didn't check on Illya. As it was, Shirou might not forgive her at all. If he survived ...

"I will be back ..." She tells him, moving out gently from under him, and attempting to walk towards Illya. The world spins for a bit beyond the quaking of the earth. But Saber feels a little better, barely, just enough not to have to crawl. She approaches Illya and sees, on closer inspection, that her chest is rising and falling. She lives. Saber picks her up in her arms. She is still very light, even for the battered and exhausted Servant. How is she going to do this? How can she carry both of them to safety, even in her current state?

"So, you survived."

Saber looks up and sees the lithe form of Rider crouching over Shirou's prone form. Saber almost reaches for her sword until she remembers the child in her arms, her weakened condition ... and the fact that Rider and Shirou had been the ones fighting against her before. If anyone here had been a threat to Shirou ...

The King of Knights fights off another terrible pang of guilt about what she did, and what she almost did. "Can you ..."

"He smells like death." Rider murmurs. She leans down and licks a laceration on Shirou's face.

Saber has just enough energy to take a step forward, with some anger. "What are you --"

"Stabilizing." She takes a long-fingered hand and lifts her mask, just slightly to look at Shirou's face. Shirou's trembling chest begins to move more slowly. She picks Shirou's ruined form up as though he weighs no more than a broken doll and carries him over her shoulder. "Take the girl. Can you get out of here?"

"Yes." Saber says, looking at Shirou, at Illya, and back at Rider. 

Rider says nothing more as she leaps into the air with Shirou in her arms, jumping up the crumbling cavern walls with her bladed chains. Saber inhales a breath and exhales as she takes Illya and follows suit, leaving the darkness and shadows of a lost and ruined legacy of horror to implode behind them. 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

It is complete chaos at Tohsaka Manor.

Rin isn't sure what happened exactly. Not at first. One moment, Shirou had all but ordered Rider to take her and Sakura to safety, and the next they were here. She's no fool. The being that was once called Medusa did not call Shirou her Master. That was for Matou Sakura ... for ... her sister. She wasn't sure when it happened, exactly. Maybe the two of them had never broken the Master-Servant bond between them, or it had reformed after Emiya had used Rule Breaker to free ... to free her younger sister from Angra Mainyu's corruption. But there was no way that Emiya ... that Shirou could have used a Command Seal and there was only one way, even with Rider's Noble Phantasm, that they could have gotten here so fast.

"I want to go home." She remembers Sakura murmuring, almost weeping, to someone, her, or Rider. "Please. Take us home ..."

And Rider took them home. Right to Tohsaka Manor. 

Rin doesn't have time to examine the lump in her throat, or avert the moisture in her aquamarine eyes, the eyes of her ... of their father. She's busy. She's busy expending the essences of the gems that she still has in store. Rin is busy pouring over the texts she could find. Sakura was little help. She had to push aside the fury of the Matou barely teaching her the basics, of training her to be a tool, an experiment ... a monster ... Tohsaka Rin takes that fury, that anger, that guilt, that sense of loss, that fear and despair and pours it into what she knows best. Work. Hard, concentrated, disciplined work.

Emiya Shirou can't afford anything less but her best right now. 

 _Come on, Emiya-kun_. She rages in her head, pouring her power into him that she can spare, that she has scavenged. _Dammit. I could really use that pendant now. Why did I have to waste it on you?_

Rin can work with anger in the basement of Tohsaka Tokiomi's old workshop, the workshop of the Tohsaka family line, where Shirou's pathetic remnants of a body still somehow stubbornly hold themselves together in the incantation circle she barely had time to create with hers and his own blood. Blood, for Shirou, isn't a problem. It's keeping it in him, and dealing with the blades that have formed out of his bones and organs that vexes her. 

"Help, or get out of my way!" She snaps at Rider, or Saber, moving past her to get a potion to pour down Shirou's throat. 

It's bad. She can't deny that. Kotomine Kirei ... that false priest whom her father trusted far too much did his work well in saving Shirou, for a time. But she can see it. It's Archer's arm. That idiot used it far too much. Hell, he shouldn't have used it at all. He should have died the very first time he did anything with it, least of all apparently beat a Servant with it. How this impossible idiot survived for as long as he already had was nothing short of a miracle that rivaled anything that sick joke of a Holy Grail could have manufacture. 

Sakura told her as much. Illya bragged, as she was the one that got saved the first time around by Shirou's latest round of stupidity, as if she had somehow been responsible for it: just as Sakura had ... controlled Dark Berserker as the Shadow at that time. Such an incredible mess. 

Rider brought what was left of Shirou here and Sakura, who had been alternatively babbling and eerily quiet, lost all of her composure. In translation: her sister was a complete and total crying, snot-filled mess who hadn't left the idiot's side the entire time they'd been here. Rin, even now in this focused amount of anger, could not find it in her herself to aim any of that fury at Sakura. She'd already gone through far too much. They'd had their confrontation. She was not going to take one of the other few people she cared about away from her. She was not going to let her lose the one person who never stopped believing in her. It's the least an older sister can do, especially after the horrific indifference she'd shown her ...

No. There would be time for that later. 

Saber is sitting on the outskirts of the workshop, her blade on her knees, and her face downcast. She, like the rest of them, was a mess. She'd come back, not long after Rider, with Illyasviel in her arms. Thankfully the little brat was just unconscious, or that was, thankfully, unconscious, and she could stay in the guest room. Rin had enough to deal with without that insufferable girl driving her up the wall right now. But Saber was quiet. Too quiet. She made no attempt to say anything beyond asking how Shirou was doing. Even as busy as she is with this mystical triage, Rin can see how Saber avoids looking at Shirou, and especially Sakura, just as Sakura doesn't look at Saber. Rider comes occasionally to offer Sakura support: holding her Master's shoulder or her hand. Surprisingly, with the whole lot of not looking at each other going on, they managed to get in her way and she didn't know what more she can do, and she is a genius, an Average One, if anyone can figure out what is going on, it should be ...

"Sword and Sword." She mutters. "Crap."

"Neesan ... what is ..." Sakura's head droops, exhaustion and grief taking their toll. "Is it ... Senpai ..."

Everyone seems to be looking at Rin. Rin shakes her head and puts her tools down. She addresses her sister.

"Sakura ... Shirou has an aligned Elemental Affinity and Origin. Both are Sword. Archer had similar abilities. I never thought to perform this test on a Heroic Spirit, but it explains it. Damn!" She slams her fist on the floor. "That's how he took Archer's arm and why he can use it! That's how Archer's magic worked!"

"Archer's ..." Sakura trails off, her finger stroking the back of Shirou's hand. "Neesan, did Archer make blades out of his body?"

"I ... no. No, he did summon blades but I never really figured out from where." Rin storms over a shelf and takes out a particularly old tome. "This is just theory. If anyone had more knowledge about this, it'd be the Clock Tower and their Sealing Designation studies."

"Neesan!" Sakura barks, but then bites her lip. "I'm sorry. But what is this? What is happening to Senpai?"

"Right." Rin pauses and then shakes her head again. "I'm sorry, Sakura. Archer had a Reality Marble. That's how he could summon so many blades. A rare, forbidden magical ability often used by Dead Apostle Ancestors and Servants and some ... particularly dedicated or distorted human beings. It's their inner world and each one is different and depends on the development of the personality. Some say it can be made consciously by harnessing and forming Bounded Fields and formed inward to avoid being rejected by Alaya and Gaia's Laws on this earth but ..." Rin sighs, knowing she's losing Sakura. "When Shirou lost his arm, he took Archer's ... and they were compatible enough that he could access Archer's memories. And the Reality Marble. But it was too advanced for him. He's not trained enough, Sakura. And ... Shirou made some different decisions than my Archer did. This changed their compatibility."

Sakura is looking down at Shirou. "It's when he decided to save me, isn't it?"

"So that's how ..." 

Saber is still in the corner of the room and she is looking at them, and Shirou. "That's how he has that man's arm, it's because ..."

"Yes." Rin grinds out, tersely. "To the point: Archer is a possible future of Emiya Shirou." She tries to ignore the memory of Shirou jumping for the high bar at their high school. "Don't feel bad. I should have seen this coming a mile away. He was my Servant."

"He was ... he is my Master." Saber gasps out, horror filling her eyes. "Even in the Shadow ... even then I wanted to prevent him from making mistakes he couldn't live with ... I had no ..."

"No ..." Sakura says after Saber trails off. She backs away from Shirou. "He would have lived. He'd live if I hadn't turned dark. If he had never met me. He would have held on to those ideals. He wouldn't have changed for me. He wouldn't be dying right now because of me ..."

"No!" Rin shouts. She gets everyone's attention. "No. We don't have time for that. Emiya-kun wouldn't want this. The bloody idiot would take it all on himself rather than see you cry, Sakura, or you mope Saber. And I have no time for this. The point is, in addition to the injuries he got from Kotomine Kirei and ... his battle with you Saber, Archer's old world, Shirou's potential world, is eating him from the inside. Saber, you and Rider bought him some time. I've repaired the worst of his injuries, but it's poisoning him, his soul from the inside. If I just had access to more lore on this, beyond getting Sealed myself, or if Archer were here ..." Rin grits her teeth and punches the floor. "Damn it all!"

"Illyasviel?"

Illya walks past Saber and into the depths of the workshop. For a few moments, Rin's ire rises. How dare this Einzbern magus, this homunculus, ignore the conventions of being invited into her ancestral workshop! Magi died for less than this affront. But her fury dies on her lips as the girl walks past them all, literally glowing with radiant power. Somehow, even in the borrowed old Western dress clothes of either her or Sakura, kept by their broken mother in her remaining years, she looks dignified and insanely determined. 

"You brought him here, Saber. Good. You kept your promise as a Servant." Illya crouches down next to Shirou and puts a hand in her hair. "The rest of you. You've ... you've done your best." 

Rin can feel her jaw dropping. She's not sure whether this a genuine or backhanded compliment. "Listen, who do you ..."

Illya ignores Rin and looks at Sakura. "You ... Sakura. You know some of the Matou's Arts without the corruption, yes?"

Sakura cringes a bit, but sighs. "Yes."

"I won't hold that against you. Onii-chan told me about you when we talked in the park. He really loves you. He changed just for you. For us." She takes something out of her hair and looks at it as though seeing it for the first time. "A hybrid between an iris and a cherry blossom. She really does have a sense of humour."

"What in blazes are you talking about, brat?" Rin has no time for games.

Illya, somehow, manages to smile mischievously. "Chaos." She turns back to Sakura before Rin can bluster some more. "I can save Onii-chan. But I am going to need your help, Matou. You have a lot of energy. Zouken's dirty grail knock-off." Sakura looks downcast, and blushes hard. "No. I don't hold that against you either. In fact, that helps us. This is ... the last of my energy for a while." She holds out the flower to her and Rin. "Otherwise and because of my body's ... limitations, I wish I could ... After I'm done with this ritual, and when you find a passable receptacle, he is going to need you in the way a man needs a woman. Even more than that. More than a child needs his mother. You already have a Servant linked to you, but I think you can do it. Will you."

It is not a question. Illya's eyes are hard crimson points. But Sakura's violet eyes are deep with conviction. "Yes. I will do anything for Senpai."

"I expected no less. Rin. You are about to get your wish. When I'm done, contain what's left of the body. I will need it later and I suspect, you will too." Illya holds up the strange flower, the pale-violet flower glimmering with energies. "She's a crafty one, Chaos." Illya giggles quietly.

"Wait ... wait! What are you ...?"

"Stop blustering, Rin." Illya's whole body begins to glow. "You are about to see another, _real_ miracle tonight. You too, Saber. Don't forget your promise and ..." The glow intensifies around herself and Shirou's dying form. "Remember to tuck me in after this. I won't be moving for a ..."

Rin can't believe her eyes. In the middle of the circle she made it's as though they are seeing the radiant light of a Servant's summoning. But ... in reverse. Her mouth is hanging open as she has to look away from that light. She can't identify this power. But it's familiar, like the memory that Illya shared with her and Shirou that led to the Jeweled Sword's creation, and Illya's ancestor and ... Could it be? 

When the light fades, Illya is on her knees. Rin immediately looks at Shirou's body and sees it beginning to crumble. She swears. Sakura also sees and begins crying. Saber's face of anguish says everything while Rider just stands there and watches. Illya holds up something. It's the flower she had before. But it's different. Rin doesn't need Structural Analysis to know that Illya has done something to the flower. To Shirou. 

Rin finds a gem and utters a preservation spell: managing to arrest the decay of Shirou's remains. It is an empty feeling. The boy trying to jump to that pole ...

Illya reaches her hand out towards Rin, with the flower. "... take care of him. Remember to tuck me ..."

Saber manages to catch Illya before her head hits the ground. Sakura is looking at Rin and back to Shirou's corpse, now a pile of somewhat organic debris and swords. Rin is looking down at the flower in her hands. She feels a look of incredulity set into her face as it slowly begins to dawn on her.

"Well." Rin says as she gazes at this greatest of miracles beyond the scope of all modern Mysteries. "Shit." 


	6. Chapter 6

 

 

Sakura is in her room.

There was a time where she would have called it her old room. But that isn't true either. Back, before her Neesan and Senpai saved her, she would have called this place a dream of another life, or a nicer prelude to a living nightmare. She sits on her old bed, the bed of Tohsaka Sakura before she was made into a Matou through worms, and manipulation, and rape. She idly plays with the ribbon in her hair, the last gift before her life that Rin gave her. She wraps it around her index finger and slowly unfurls it. It calms her down, doing this, even back in the days when she had little hope. 

Matou Sakura can't believe that she is back here, with her sister, with Shirou ... but while she would never thought it possible in a million years, even after hoping and dreaming it for so long, she never wanted it like this. Blood on her hands, Rin's life nearly hers and her Senpai's ...

She wipes away at her eyes angrily. No. No she's cried enough. They are doing everything they can for him. It's been some time but between Illya's magic and planting ... _planting_ Shirou's current form into the soil of the basement with some of hers and Rin's blood, they have more time to figure out a replacement. Watching Shirou die was one of the worst moments of Sakura's life. She still blames herself. He had already changed so much for her. Then she had given into her anger and bitterness. She had lashed out at him in some of the worst possible ways, and he still saved her. Sakura can't even begin to think about the entirety of it. All she can do, now, is try to make up for it. Illya was still comatose after whatever it was she did to Shirou: possibly the result of something Rin called an imperfect use of the Third Magic. It was the very thing that the Three Families had been searching for in their various ways: leading to the Holy Grail Wars ... and her personal suffering. 

It's almost poetic that this would save the life of the man that she loves, whom she almost killed. 

Rin and Rider had to get Sakura out of the basement. It seems as though she'd spent enough time in Magi basements. Her Neesan said that watching Shirou wouldn't make him grow any faster: a statement that almost made her laugh if the whole thing weren't so ridiculously tragic. Somehow, after some time, she could see the changes. The flower was growing into a plant. Its roots grew into two main sections and even its blossom seemed to reach out like ... rudimentary arms. Her Neesan said something to the effect that it reminded her of a flowery mandrake plant. Sakura only barely understood what that meant: recalling some elements of medieval magecraft that she was able to glean from the old Matou library in-between ... training sessions. 

The Matou Manor. Sakura had only gone back there once during these past few weeks. She'd gone with Rin and Rider. Saber stayed behind to look after Illya and Shirou. She never met Sakura's eyes once during that whole time, or Shirou's new form. Sakura knows why. It's the least she deserves. Rin was able to find enough books of interest to sell to elements of the Association for funds: money they would need to procure a better body for Shirou when the time came. Illya herself, before unconsciousness claimed her, told them he would need one. Rin fumed about how if Illya had just done her job correctly and hadn't lost the Dress of Heaven, this wouldn't even be an issue. It also didn't help that between their own lack of knowledge with regards to creating artificial bodies, and the fact that they found no advanced alchemical tools in the Einzbern Mansion to help them, they didn't have much to work with. 

But Sakura knows that her Neesan is just angry at what happened to Shirou. Illya went above and beyond the call of duty to save him. That was a miracle in and of itself. It somehow makes sense that the two, despite how vastly different they looked -- save for the white hair that Shirou's possible future incarnation possessed -- the two were also siblings. It is just so much to take in: her Senpai somehow becoming that tall, grim, sarcastic Archer that also died in this War and others, him sacrificing himself for her, him losing his body, not being able to feel his arms around her, not being able to smell him, not being able to feel him in her ...

Sakura's face flushes fiercely with a combination of desire and shame. The core of her quakes. She breathes in, forcing her shaky breath to move into her stomach through her nose and out of her mouth. 

A hand starts gently stroking her hair. Sakura doesn't start. She knows who it is. She can sense her through their bond. Slowly, she relaxes into the other's touch. 

"Rider ... I'm sorry ..."

From behind her, Rider wraps her long limbs around her. "You don't need to apologize, Sakura."

"I ..." Sakura rests the back of her head against Rider's chest, staring off into her old childhood room. "I must have broadcast loudly. I forget sometimes that this bond is a two-way streak. I can't ... even imagine what Saber is feeling right now ..."

"Don't."

Rider continues stroking Sakura's hair. "You were just as much a victim as her. Avenger is gone now. She is going to have to come to terms with that. Or she can leave."

Sakura shakes her head. "No Rider. She saved Senpai's life. She's his Servant. Can you imagine what it would have been like if this had been me instead of him?"

She feels Rider go still and immediately feels bad for what she said. "I'm sorry, Rider ..."

"I wouldn't know what to do. I also wouldn't have betrayed you. I ... I'd to think I would have resisted."

"She ..." Sakura sighs. "She tried ... but then ..."

Then she gave up. That is what Sakura doesn't say. She doesn't have to say it. Saber had great ideals. But under Angra Mainyu she had finally seen them for what they were. The darkness, for what it was, didn't particularly lie. It just didn't see any of the better qualities of human existence. Sakura knows that much: especially as she had lived some of it before Avenger began to awaken in the Grail. 

"I know." 

"I know you do." Sakura murmurs. 

Rider's lilac scent soothes her. She feels Rider shift, gently bringing Sakura down onto the mattress with her. Her Servant gathers her in her arms. Sakura wraps her arms around Rider's. They spoon like that for a while. 

Finally, it is Rider that breaks the silence.

"You are hurting."

Sakura bites her lip. "I ... I don't know why. I shouldn't be aching like this. Not anymore." She sighs. "I purged the crest worms out of me before killing Grandfather. And Senpai freed me from Angra Mainyu. I'm aching. I ... I tried using my hand. It worked for a while. But ... why ... we does it still ache like this?"

"Your body has been abused." Rider says, quietly. "Your muscle memory still remembers everything the Matou did to it. It remembers the trauma. It reacts to it in the way they ... they trained it to." An equally quiet anger fills Rider's tone. "I felt the same way after Poseidon violated me in Athena's Temple. I ... filled the hunger with violence and blood."

Sakura holds her breath. She doesn't want to know, but she needs to ask. "... when does it go away, Rider?"

"It never does. Not really. But I am not the best one to ask."

"I ... I miss him." Sakura starts trembling. "I miss Senpai. I know my body is unclean, but he ... when he was in me ... it was different. I ..." More unwanted tears form in her eyes. They burn. "It was different. It wasn't like with ... with Niisan. I miss Senpai in me. I miss his skin. I miss how he filled me. How rough he was but burning. How he said my name. And I ... I hate myself for it. I know he's ... he's sick right now. He almost _died_. And I all I can think about is my unclean body needing ... needing like an animal. Even now after he saved me. And I ... I ..."

She feels Rider shift and bring her hands to Sakura's face. Sakura turns to face her Servant. Even though Rider is wearing her mask, she can feel her eyes burning into hers. 

"Listen to me, Sakura. Listen very carefully." She tells her. "You love that boy. You _wanted_ him in you. Your body and your mind wants him back. You are feeling desire for yourself, for the first time since leaving that awful family. He would not want you to feel ashamed about this. He loves you too. He wouldn't have done any of this if he hadn't. And you know it."

"I ... I ... I know." Sakura sobs. "I ... I just can't believe he ... he would. And Neesan ..." She is shaking now, harder and harder. "I finally get her back. She finally _rescued_ me. And now she's going to the Association. They're ... they're going to put her on trial. I know that much. It's already bad that the Manor burned down ..."

"She's the Supervisor of this land, right?" 

"Y-yes ..."

"Tohsaka Rin found out that Matou Zouken violated the rules of the Holy Grail War. The Overseer was corrupt. She came with the last Matou heir to investigate and found the last Matou blood heir dead due to the War, and evidence ... of Zouken's dangerous tampering. It's just as Rin told us. As she told you. Once she went into that basement, the entire place had to be purified." Rider shakes her head. "I only wish I could have done it myself, with that little bastard and his disgusting ancestor and his worms inside of it."

"... Rider ..."

"Your sister loves you. She destroyed that Manor to protect you. And because she is angry. Furious. She made a mistake. I know. I had sisters too. But that was your family's mistake. And their loss. Sakura. You are the strongest person I know. A lesser person would have gone mad or empty after what happened to you. The fact that your goodness lasted as long as it did ..." Rider shakes her head. "I won't defend what you did after, even though it was more than natural. Just like the desire you are feeling right now. I know that won't help you. The boy knows that too. He did when he freed you. If you want to make up for all of this, live your life. Acknowledge that you are still alive. Live, Sakura. _Live_."

Their faces are inches apart as Rider kisses her. Sakura gasps in Rider's mouth, but she feels her lips matching hers. Something explodes inside of her. Grief. Anger. Guilt. And intense passion. Sakura feels the hunger take over. Her hands find Rider's lilac hair. They bunch into it. The tart flavour of Rider's mouth fills her. Sakura scrambles against her: writhing. Sakura pulls her face away from Rider's. She feels herself blushing again.

"Rider ... I ... I can't ..."

Rider strokes her hair. "I know you need to get that excess energy out. Rin told us you still have a connection to the Grail. Let me help you, _Master_."

Sakura shivers as the word tingles down her body. "I ... I know I am already giving you prana, we don't ..."

"It wouldn't be the first time."

And Sakura knows that Rider is right. Back at the Matou Manor, when Niisan was away, before her Senpai noticed her as a woman, she was frustrated, her body in agony from Zouken's treatments. Niisan didn't always go out on patrols or spend time with Rider. She would come, at night. Most of the time, she just held her. Sometimes they talked. But, other times ... like these ... Sakura feels conflicted. She loves Shirou. She is in love with Shirou. She needs to be there for him. But there is nothing she can do. And Rider had been there for her even before Shirou, long after had saved her from those bullies. That had been a matter of duty, when he believed in being a Hero of Justice. But with Rider, it is personal. Rider is like her, like her sister, but more. She is her Servant, but more. She is a part of her. She knows, somewhere in her fevered mind, that Shirou always put other's happiness over his, but ... she knows better now. She knows that he is happy when they are happy. When she is happy. 

As she takes Rider's face into her hands and kisses her, fiercely, she hopes he will understand. She hopes, as the passion swells and her flesh takes over, that this pain can be changed into something else. As she and Rider rip away each other's clothes, hungrily seeking each other, their legs tangling, their mounds rubbing against each other, the violent explosion of her release echoing over and again against the other's, that there is going to be solace. Sakura screams into Rider's growling mouth, with tears of sadness and relief. Rider is there. She is kissing her, licking her tears away. Savouring their taste.

They lie down again. Sakura holds Rider tightly. She feels confused, but clear. Something falling into place. But mostly, it's just animal relief and a sense of Rider's skin against hers. It's not the same as Senpai's, but it is soft and firm and it complements her in a different way. 

"I ..." She says. "I love you, Rider."

"I love you too, Sakura." 

"Thank you ..." Sakura murmurs, falling asleep in her Servant's arms, her hunger and her worries gone for a time. 

 


	7. Chapter 7

It is a small reprieve, but she knows it will not last long. 

Tohsaka Rin might not have been a magus for as long as many, but she knows her own territory, her land, and she can tell when other magi -- organized magi -- are present. She knows that the Association is here. She didn't mince words about it with Sakura, or the others. As the Second Owner of this land, Tohsaka Rin, Sixth Head of the Tohsaka Clan, will have to answer for the damages to the secrecy of magecraft here ... as well as the gate towards what should have been Akasha instead of hell. 

The Enforcers are among the population. They are small token group, but they are cleaning things up: most likely using techniques not unlike those Rin has had to use on the Academy's administrators and, in particular, one otherwise worried Fujimura Taiga. At the moment, as far as anyone else is concerned, Emiya Shirou is helping Matou Sakura deal with the deaths of her only family and has periodically checked in with Taiga from time to time. Taiga has seen Shirou and Sakura together. Hell, she often visits his home. At the moment, Sakura is staying with her friend, Tohsaka Rin, because their families are old and rich and have known each other for years, and also because it would be, for the moment, improper for a girl to sleep at a boy's house without a chaperone. This is why Emiya Shirou is staying over on the couch at Rin's house with some friends. And Rin has a guardian, the local Catholic priest, who is staying at her home while waiting to transition back to Rome and for his replacement to come in.

These are relatively plausible explanations and with some fine memory tweaking, which didn't take her long to teach Sakura -- as her sister already knew the techniques or is a natural in her own right -- Shirou remains accounted for: until he can speak for himself. The administration will give them time, but it is rather Taiga that needs a little more prompting. And some of it is true. Kotomine Kirei is gone, for a time, and there is a replacement at the church on the hill: a transitional old priest who has vouched for Rin due to her family's connections to the Holy Church and covering up Kotomine's "bungling" of the situation.

But with the Church and the Enforcers in the city, Rin is nervous enough. She knows, after reviewing some of Kirei's records, that there is nothing unusual recorded about Shirou. Of course not: the sadistic parody of a false priest and a general human being had too sick an interest in Emiya-kun to dare record it or his actual plans down. As far as anyone outside of Fuyuki City is concerned, Emiya Shirou died in the War: if he is ever brought up at all. And if they somehow questioned the administration at their school, they would just think it was the Supervisor having altered the memories of others to cover up what little of the screw up that could be still obscured. Emiya was no one important.

No one important.

Tohsaka Rin stands over the plant, in the soil, in the basement where her ancestral workshop sits. She fidgets with the pendant around her neck. She is looking down at the flower. It too has the exact same pendant overlaying the dirt around it. That is how Rider was able to find him and the others. 

Rin sighs. "Take care of it, you _baka_. I'll be back for it later."

She doesn't spare the flowering plant a glance as she walks out of the workshop, up the stairs, and into the living room. 

That is where Saber is.

Saber. Saber sits on the couch. She's been there when she hasn't been downstairs guarding the entrance or pacing around the house like a silent wraith. Her armour is gone now. Rin managed to convince her to banish it, though she also wonders if it's because she simply doesn't have the prana or the intent to keep it there. But the sword is still there. It is in Avalon, still materialized into this world as it had never left it from the latter Age of Gods.

"I'm going to be leaving soon."

Saber doesn't say anything. She just stares at her sheathed blade crossed over her knees. Her blonde hair is lank. She is too pale. Shadows seem to live under her eyes.

"You need to rest at some point, Saber." Rin tells her, not quite meeting her gaze. "When is the last time you've eaten?"

Rin knows this is a stupid question to ask the Servant. She knows for a fact, despite her own exhaustion of those initial days stabilizing Shirou, barely eating herself for days, trying to lie in the soil of her family to regain the use of her arm, that Saber has not eaten a thing. 

She tries again. "You must not be getting a lot of prana. I mean, you were barely getting any from him to begin with. Saber, you need more energy."

After a moment of silence, Rin shakes her head. "The idiot wouldn't want you to do this to yourself. At least ... think about my offer. We have one more day."

Saber is still looking down, listless, at Excalibur in Avalon, but Rin thinks she can see blue eyes glance up at her, briefly. Rin snorts and flips one of her ponytails back. That arm still doesn't work quite right after her duel with Sakura, but she will have time to improve on the journey to London and the Clock Tower. She walks out of the room and heads towards her own. 

Rin has prepared as much as she can. There are resources in London. If the charges against her can be dealt with, she will seek them out. In the meantime, she has some reading to do from the Matou library. She recalls the book that the Matou worm, Shinji, used to command Rider. After sorting through the tomes, most of them useless to her or rotten, she thinks she might be close. It will make for some interesting reading, if nothing else.

Rin lies on her bed and reads the book in question right before the screaming downstairs begins. 


	8. Chapter 8

Saber focuses on the sheathed sword across her knees.

She's even more vigilant now, ever since Rin told her about the Association and the Church's presence in Fuyuki. They are partially here to help repair the damage their War created which, ironically enough, was far less than what happened during the Fourth Grail War. 

The Fourth War. It was just one more thing that was her fault.

She isn't quite sure when it all began: when she began connecting all of the pieces together in her mind. Under the influence of ... the Shadow, Saber had seen the truth.

It had all been a lie. All of it. 

It wasn't just the fact that the wish-granting mechanism of the Grail had been tainted by the greed and hatred of its participants: of Angra Mainyu. It wasn't just the fact that Saber's wish would never have happened, or if it had she would have doomed more people to suffer and die for her ideal ending. This fact was bad in and of itself, but her failure goes so much farther than that. 

For all the inhuman beauty and perfection of faeries, or the Earth, humans were still ... human. They are still prone to fear, greed, and jealousy. Saber had tried to distance herself from those emotions, from most emotions, except for the drive to bring an ideal government to the world of humanity. She wanted to save her people: and make them prosperous. But she had been born in war and early feudal times. How could she, even with magic beyond humanity, change even a smaller group of humans into something better? And how did she think she was any better than they were? All she did was just deny her wishes, and her dreams. And for what? So that her wife suffered? So that one of her greatest protectors and friends, Lancelot, was banished and transformed into a monster during the Fourth War? So that her child would betray their kingdom and kill her after she rejected her? 

She wanted her wish to work. She wanted to change history and make it so that Arturia Pendragon never existed, or that she did but never gained the throne of Britain, never pulled the Sword out of the Stone. Someone else could be King Arthur. Someone else could have saved Britain and so many other lives. But then she was summoned into the Fourth War by an assassin. She wishes she can say she didn't understand Emiya Kiritsugu, but she would be lying to herself: especially now. She didn't have time to think about any of this during the Fifth War, at Shirou's side, but when the Shadow took her, it had been all about her failings. 

She wanted to save Britain by erasing her very legend, the albatross around her neck. Kiritsugu wanted to rid the world of war and evil forever. Both of them made compromises. And both of them, from what she understands now, saw their ideals shatter against reality. And then Irisviel was taken, and she was killed. And she had been the Vessel of the Grail. The Shadow made her see that. Illya didn't have a mother and father because of her failure.

But what she did to Shirou was so much worse. 

She didn't just betray him during this War. She had betrayed him, utterly destroyed him, during the Fourth and far afterwards. It makes so much more sense now, the way that Archer looked at her. She had been his Servant, in his timeline. She had, in that same timeline, destroyed the Holy Grail and unleashed the horror on Shinto. It was bad enough that Caster had almost ended the world and so many innocents got caught up in their conflict, but she can never forgive herself for Shinto. 

It was true: Kiritsugu had made her destroy the Grail's vessel against her will. That is something he probably had to take to his grave. Maybe that is why he raised Shirou, out of a sense of guilt for destroying his parents, his family, his possible friends and community, his whole life and sense of self. She'd known Shirou had been distorted and had survived a disaster. It explained the survivor's guilt and his one need to make others happy before himself. But she had a hand in it. She unleashed that darkness which she had wanted to use to change her own life. Even Avalon, planted into him by Kiritsugu, was a part of her that changed him. The fact that she didn't know, or didn't want to know, was no excuse. 

And then she fought the Shadow and sought to help bring it about again to the entire world out of sheer spite. And Shirou, in another timeline ... she must have left. She left and he became a Counter-Guardian. He pursued those ideals of his into the darkness and became Archer. She did that to him. The fact that he died a hero, now, saving his past self with his arm, didn't mitigate that. It doesn't matter. Saber expected better from herself. 

So now, here she is in the Tohsaka residence, not knowing whether to stay and defend what is left of Shirou to her last breath, or leave and finally unburden him and all the rest. 

Right now, she has no idea what to do. 

"S-Saber ..."

Saber doesn't look up from her sword. She can feel the hesitant presence in front of her. But she just can't look at her. 

"S-Saber, I ..." Sakura pauses. "I want to say that ... I ... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. For what I did."

Saber sighs. "Sakura, you do not have to apologize to me. It wasn't your fault." 

"Y-yes. Yes, it was. I gave into it. I gave up. I shouldn't have. I should have ... remembered that there people there, for me. Neesan. And Rider. And ... and Senpai."

"Sakura, please ... I ..."

"I know I don't have the right, but can you please look at me? Please."

Slowly, Saber raises her eyes. Sakura's face is soaked with tears. Her violet eyes are full of contrition and she can tell that they hurt just looking at Saber. "I used you. Just as I did Berserker. But I used you to hurt Senpai and Neesan and others. You deserved ... better than that. And I am so sorry. I took you away from Senpai. I know how much ... I mean, I can imagine how much he means to you. Please, Saber. I ..."

"Matou Sakura." Saber says, slowly exhaling, remembering what happened with Guinevere and Lancelot, remembering the power of her judgment. "For what it is worth, I do not blame you for what happened. But ... if it helps, I do forgive you."

"I ... I ..." Sakura squeezes her eyes shut. "You don't ... you don't know much that means. T-thank you. Thank you, Saber. I ... I want to help you. That's why I'm here." She reaches out her hand. "Take some of my prana. I have a lot of it.  I can give you energy, make a contract, so that when Senpai returns --"

"No.:"

Sakura reels back. In the back of Saber's mind, it looks like she slapped her in the face. Saber opens her mouth again, closes it, and opens it again. 

"Sakura ... I'm sorry. I can't. I just ... I _can't_." She looks away from her. "Can you please ... can you please go? I need some space."

"Go on Sakura. Let Saber sulk by herself."

Saber's eyes flash open. Rider is standing by Sakura's side. Perhaps she'd been there, or nearby, all along. The other Servant's face is expressionless, save for a thin grim line that is her mouth. 

A cold, icy rage slowly percolates through Saber's blood. "What did you just say to me, Rider?" 

"No, Rider. Don't."

"No, Sakura. She needs to hear this." Rider somehow glares at Saber through her blindfold. "All you're doing is sitting there, feeling sorry for yourself, while we have everything to save your Master's life. My Master ... she doesn't want you to die. So for her sake, for the boy's sake, stop being so utterly pathetic."

Saber rises to her feet. Her voice, as quiet as it is, sounds deadly even to her. "You have no idea what you are talking about, Rider."

"Then you are fool. My Master apologized to you. She admitted what she did. She took responsibility for it. She offered you a chance to stay here, to make up for what you did, and you threw it right back in her face. You were not the only victim here, Saber."

Saber isn't looking at Sakura anymore. Her fury is all focused in the direction of Rider. She slowly walks over to her. Something in her body language, or the tension in the room has risen and Rider has pushed Sakura behind her. Saber's eyes narrow into cold, hard, slits of cobalt blue. 

"I have made a contract with one person. And that is Shirou. I forgive Sakura, but I can't forget that it was the Shadow, from her, that enslaved me. I cannot ... right now, deal with that. And you have a lot of nerve to lecture me on morality, when you tried to kill my Master quite a few times, and served a completely disgusting creature doing so."

Rider doesn't move. "I did what my Master told me to do. I did what I had to in order to protect her. Tell me, Saber, just how much did you fight it when you were ordered to attack the boy?"

Saber's hand goes to the hilt of her sword. Rider doesn't reach for her dagger and chain. She just seems to watch with that seemingly sightless gaze of hers.

"That's enough, Rider. Please. Stop."

"You know, I don't think it's even Sakura that you are mad at. It's you. The Shadow or Angra Mainyu, made you see those ideals of yours as the trash they are. You got angry. You got bitter. I know that feeling, Saber. I was a goddess. I was made to represent life and joy." Rider's face twists into a contemptuous grimace. "The other gods, mortals, made me see how things were. I even consumed my own sisters, in the miasma of hate I embraced. But that was my choice. I chose to stop fighting the darkness. So did Sakura. But I never -- _never_ \-- turned my back on her. You turned your back on everyone and everything you claimed to love and protect, including the boy ... who was a lot like you. So what does that tell you about yourself, Saber?"

"I didn't want him to follow my footsteps." Saber growls.

"Really?"

"Shirou was an idealist. He wanted to save everyone. Then, he wanted to save your Master. I knew what he would have to do in order to do that. I wanted to stop him. Even death is preferable to what might have happened."

"Well, I guess you almost got your wish."

"No! No, you horrific monster!" Saber rages. "I did not! I never wanted to fight Shirou! I wanted him to leave!"

"So that you could help the force he was fighting destroy the entire world? So that it would kill him anyway and everyone he cares about? Tell me, Saber, when did ideals, when did your sense of pride, matter more to you than the people who care about you?"

There is a long, deadly silence. Saber's hand, by her sword, is shaking. 

Rider lets out a long sigh. "The real reason you are so angry right now, is because you are angry at yourself. Because you gave up on yourself, while everyone around you kept believing in you. But your sense of honour, your ego, just can't let that go."

"... I will strike you down where you stand, Rider."

"Go on, Saber. You don't have any prana from your Master. The one you abandoned. I'll show you what it's like to fight a _real_ monster." 

" _ **Stop this at once."**_

The absolute steel in Tohsaka Rin's voice freezes both Servants in place more effectively than any Command Seal ever could. Saber looks down at her hand, at her sword. She realizes what she was about to do. She immediately lowers the sword to her side. Rider steps back, in the back of Sakura. Her posture eases. Sakura is holding up her hand and glaring at her Servant. 

Shame fills Saber's face. "Rin, I ..."

"No. You will listen now. Both of you. This is my domain. This is my house and downstairs is my Workshop. You will not have a fight in here." Her eyes narrow into slits. "Especially not with the Association and the Church breathing down our necks. And I will not have you endanger Illyasviel, or our _baka_ downstairs. And if he were conscious right now? He would be ashamed of all of this. He'd make it his fault. And I'll have none of that. So, Sakura: please take your Servant back to your room. And Saber, we are going to have words. Right now."

Sakura nods. Her glare softens a bit on Rider. "Come on Rider. Let's go."

Rider bobs her head once and the two of them head away. This leaves Saber and Rin alone. 

"Rin ... I ... I apologize. To violate the terms of guest-friendship in another's home and lands is unacceptable. As a knight, as a king, and as a Servant I have disgraced ..."

"Stop." Rin says. Then she sighs. "Please." 

Saber opens and closes her mouth for the second time this night. Rin walks past her and sits on the couch. She looks at her expectantly. Slowly, Saber walks back and sits across from the Tohsaka magus.

"Look, Saber. Do you want to make this up to us?"

"... pardon?"

"I won't lie. I wanted to have a Saber Servant at the beginning of this War. And having a powerful familiar, such as you and, hell, even Emiya-kun, would be an advantage."

The look Saber gives Rin is nothing short of incredulous. "... I don't know how Shirou would feel about being called ..."

"He'd get used to it, the _baka_. But I made a promise to my sister. To ... his sister. He's hers." Rin shrugs. "No. He can make me tea and food when he is better. Out of gratitude. But you can help him right now. Maybe even, if you'd like, make up for what you did."

"You want me to make a Contract with you."

"Yes, but you would keep your bond with Emiya-kun of course." Rin takes out a gem from her pocket. "I just modified this now. Sakura and I ... yes, Sakura helped me, deal with it, she and I modified some Matou and Tohsaka methods. This gem should give me a lot of the prana responsibilities while Shirou recovers. I read a book that seems to confirm everything we did. It's like ... a Book of False Attendant, but like I said: modified. Shirou and I will give you prana. Shirou will also get prana from Sakura. Your Avalon will continue help him. 

"And in exchange, when the charges against me are dealt with, you and I might have some work to do. I need a Servant ever since Archer ... well. I can't very well ask Shirou to do it. It's only fair. After all, my sister has her Servant. I need one of my own. And depending on what happens in London ... I might need you. And ... Shirou will need you as well."

The implications of this are clear enough to Saber. If Rin is found guilty by the Association, it will take her lands and property: her research. And if they find remaining members of the Three Families participating in the War, like Sakura and Illya, and then Rider and herself ... they would also find Shirou and ...

"You need me at my best." Saber says. "So does Shirou. I see that now."

"Yes." Rin says. "Now, take this gem. You can swallow it. It circumvents all the oaths and what-not. You are to stay here, in my house, until I need you. But yes. I will need you absolutely at your best. And that means you will start eating and sleeping as well. The idiot would never forgive me, or you, if you don't take care of yourself Saber. If not for you, do it for him." 

"I ..." Saber feels the tears flowing out of her eyes. "I ... thank you, Rin."

"Don't thank me yet. Take the gem. Swallow it. And then we are going to talk about some plans. Who knows, Saber." Rin smiles wryly. "You might just be able to go back home sooner than we think." 


	9. Chapter 9

"No, Aoko. I don't think _her_ field of study interlaps with yours. At least, not any further than my own. I am curious to see how far it goes. And on that subject, I'm about to follow up on that _other_ matter. I will get back to you soon. Have fun." 

Rin stands outside the door of Lord El-Melloi the Second's office and hears the strange, yet somehow familiar voice of someone who isn't her sponsor and current instructor. She knows she is lucky, and in more ways than one. It's been almost half a year since the charges against her were dropped by the Mage's Association. Ever since, Tohsaka Rin has been between Fuyuki City and London: though these days here more often than not. She's grateful for Lord El-Melloi -- or Waver Velvet as the man hates to be referred to his predecessor. There's something humble, but understatedly noble about him. It doesn't hurt that the man is a fellow survivor of the Holy Grail War, the Fourth, in which he fought alongside another Servant with a Reality Marble, Iskander under the role of Rider. The fact that he may not be an excellent magus, but a superb sponsor of natural talent and students with good work ethics without, necessarily the Crest-lineage or European identity expected of most magi. Granted, the fact that he was a great big _otaku_ \-- a video game nerd of the highest order -- was fairly difficult for Rin to relate to, but she could appreciate the rest of who he was, and how he directed her through the Department of Mineralogy and the politics of the Clock Tower. Certainly, his work in the Twelfth Modern Magecraft Mysteries Department benefited from her input: which she has been submitting with extreme carefulness. There is no need to reveal the full extent of her discoveries to everyone, save for a majority to Waver and ... one other.

"Come in, young lady."

Rin's heart begins to beat furiously. She does know that voice. The door opens and sitting at Waver Velvet's desk is an old man with a finely trimmed grey beard and a suit from another century. There is something of a bemused expression on his face as he regards the game posters, and popular cultural depictions of mages and wizards on the walls. 

"Hello Tohsaka Rin." Kischur Zelretch Schweinorg, Wizard Marshal, Dead Apostle Ancestor, and Magician of the Second Magic says. 

"Grand Master ..."

"Please." He laughs. "There's no need to bow. We are not a formal setting and we have much to talk about. I took the liberty of asking Lord El-Melloi to borrow his office. It is such an interesting place. Did you know, that there are some worlds where video games -- or games themselves -- are commonplace? That they are actually part of what's called a _ludic_ society: where social standing and relationships all predicate themselves on interactions based on various coded and unspoken rules? On different ways to win or lose? On multiple paths?"

Rin doesn't know what to say, deciding to quash the snarky part of her that wants to say that it sounds like the real world. But she decides to remain polite for the sake of her continued well-being, as much as she can. "No ... I didn't know that Grand Master."

"It's really quite fascinating, actually." Zelretch picks up the miniature of a stylized WWII soldier from Waver's desk. "There is one world whose history unfolded from a game not unlike our favourite instructor's _Admirable Great Tactics_ games. As well as others. I would bring him along to see this, but I suspect he is rather busy and would respectfully decline."

 _With relief_ , Tohsaka Rin doesn't say, knowing what happens to other apprentices or companions of the Second Magician traveling to a multiplicity of alternative worlds: something that both terrifies and greatly intrigues her. "Are there ... magi in those worlds?"

"In some." Zelretch smiles, putting the figure down. "There is one world where there is an Order that makes a game out of putting different elements of scholastic, artistic, and scientific fields together. Their Grand Master is called the Magister Ludi and he ... though I should think there should be a 'she' or another gender. It is called the Glass Bead Game."

"Oh." Rin says, her attempt at engaging the strange, ancient vampire fizzling out.

Zelretch laughs again. "No, I'm just joking. That is a Hermann Hesse novel. I am so glad I came back into this reality at the time when he wrote that. I should really recommend it to Lord El-Melloi. He is the closest thing to a literary, Humanities professor in this stuffy old place. But." He continues, his eyes narrowing and serious with the weight of ages and parallel worlds, making Rin swallow convulsively at the sight of her ancestor's great teacher and his power. "The _Admirable Great Tactics_ worlds. They exist." 

"Ah." Rin nods. "I understand. You, well, summoned me here?"

"No. I didn't summon you. You aren't a Servant ... here." Rin isn't sure she wants to explore the implications of that statement. "No, I merely wanted to check on the progress of one of my apprentices. Has the faculty and nobility been behaving themselves?"

"Yes, Grand Master." And indeed, ever since Zelretch had spoken up for her and taken her on as a formal apprentice, aside from the usual Clock Tower politicking among students and sideways glances from those that didn't like or weren't used to foreigner magi, she had been relatively left to her own devices: at least officially. She had much to thank Zelretch for, even though she doesn't know the price of it yet. At the Clock Tower, as in the Moonlit World, all favours are not freely given. 

"Very good. And your studies. Have you attempted to recreate the sword yet?"

And there it is. This was one reason, among a few, that Rin is sure she got the Second Magician's attention: advancing on Tohsaka Nagato's ancient homework as far as she did with the resources that she had. "Actually ... yes. I made another dagger."

"And?"

Rin wants to shrink away from the scrutiny of this ancient, powerful being. She knows he could practically kill her with a thought. Ordinarily, she would be utterly proud of such an achievement, but the previous thought far outweighs any of the useful vanity of which she is so accustomed. "And I can still summon mana from the same place in different points of reality." It goes without saying that she hasn't even told Waver about this development. Just the current user of the Second Magic.

Zelretch, for his part, beams. "Good. That is very good. Justeaze's memories and that young man's talent served you well, and you learned from it. So, you have reinforced it? Made the blade lighter?"

"Yes ... it." Rin resists the urge to roll her shoulder. "It doesn't put as much strain on my ligaments as the first one."

"Marvelous." Zelretch claps his hands together. "I think you are ready."

Rin swallows again. "... ready, Grand Master?"

"Why yes. Tell me, young lady, do you fancy a trip?"

Rin hopes to hell that she isn't turning pale at the moment. "Pardon?"

"Well, I find it's one thing to be able to find and channel energy you can't see from multiple planes of the same place. It is a whole other experience to visit them yourself. Don't worry. You still require some training before you go on these journeys yourself."

"My ..." Rin's head reels. "Grand Master, I just started ...:"

"Yes, yes I know. But I am confident that you will adapt. Sometimes, I find, studying for too long makes one complacent or fills the mind with assumptions. A clear look at a thing, in the moment, in situ as it were, can reveal the different planes and angles of reality far more effectively. Or, well." He shrugs. "You find out that you just don't have the temperament. Either way, it's good to know in advance so that you can move on with your life."

Rin's mouth has long since gone dry. "I ... I ..." She swallows for a third time. "Grand Master ..."

"Yes?"

This is an opportunity. She could further her studies into the Second of the True Magics a thousand time fold: especially with direct training from its primary user. But she knows the stories. She's heard about the apprentices that died, or when mad, or burned out ... or were lost completely in the Kaleidoscope. But then she sees her sister feeling lost. She sees Saber coping with her shame. And then ... and then that idiot and her pendant and the pole in the schoolyard ...

"I ... I'm afraid I can't do that, Grand Master."

"Oh?" Zelretch raises one eyebrow. "And why is that, young lady?"

"I ... I have responsibilities to my territory. And my residents there ..."

Zelretch holds up a hand. "Your sister, as your stand-in and the heir to the second major magi Clan there, should prove an adequate substitute Supervisor for the time being. She is being trained by a magus priest of the Church, correct?"

"Yes ..." Rin says, hesitantly. "And I managed to give her some direction and work to do. I do it whenever I can."

"As to be expected. Don't worry, you will not be gone long. This will be an ongoing series of trips. Field trips and assignments, if you'd like. In fact, I can make this easier for you." Zelretch picks up a piece of paper from Waver's desk and hands it to her. 

Rin takes the piece of paper and sees a name and location. "... is this ..."

"It is the location of a puppet body. I know you've been looking for a proper one for some time. I want to alleviate your concerns. Besides, a product of the Third Magic, even if somewhat crudely executed, deserves something closest to the best." The Wizard Marshal sighs. "I'm sorry that I couldn't do any better. It is not my area of expertise and it's the best that the sister of the one who made it could give me in such short notice."

"No ... no this is ..." Rin tries to keep her mouth from hanging open. "This is very good." 

"You should try to find her when you have the time. I think you might be interested in some glasses she might have?"

Rin is quiet for a few moments. Then she holds the paper and puts it in her pocket. "Yes. That might make matters more convenient."

"Good. I hope the young man feels better soon. And I would like to meet the Third Magician that made his continuing recovery possible. If only her family knew." Zelretch shrugs, seemingly oblivious to the shocked expression on Rin's face. "Anyway, this will be more than training: though that will also be an element. I need you to find for me some artifacts."

"Oh?" Rin tries not to fidget with her pendant. 

"Yes. Some of them can be found here. In this very country. Others, well, can also be found in this country, just in other spaces and angles. And then there are the ones farther ..." Zelretch shakes his head. "You might not have heard of them, but they are the Thirteen Treasures of Britain."

"They ... sound somewhat familiar." Rin replies slowly.

"I'm sure. Quite a few could have been useful catalysts or even Noble Phantasms during the Ritual." Zelretch goes on. "I just feel like I'm in a collector mood. Call it my association with Lord El-Melloi these days and the inspiration from this lovely office. I would very much like to see if it is just, indeed thirteen of them, or even more. It's a pity, you know, that your Archer is gone. He would have been well suited to accompanying you, but ... might you know of another companion?"

Rin sees no way out. And in a lot of ways, as crazy as this all is, and even if she had the opportunity to bow out, she just ... can't resist. She remembers the promise made. And the promise given. "Yes, Grand Master. I think I know someone who might be familiar with these relics." 

 


	10. Chapter 10

Saber stands in front of the flower.

She's dressed in the white blouse, skirt, and blue ribbon she's worn before when Shirou couldn't bring her into spirit form: when she herself had never been able to do so. Avalon hangs on her hip with Excalibur safely contained inside it. The King of Knights knows that she should feel utterly powerful now. The prana she receives from Rin flows through her, the electricity smelling to her of the wind and the sureness of dragon fire in her breast. Aside from when she had been taken from Sakura, this is the strongest that Saber has felt during this entire War, and even the one before it. 

But, standing there, reunited with Avalon and her sword made fully manifest again, with prana flowing through her very being, Saber has never felt so utterly powerless, so helpless, in her entire existence. 

"Shirou, I ..." 

The King of Knights sighs and shakes her head. "It is cowardly to talk to you in this state, when you can't say anything back. To be honest, I am not even sure you can hear or, understand me, as you are right now." 

Saber closes her eyes. It is now or never.

"I just want you to know ... that I am sorry. I am sorry I failed you."

Saber crouches down, resting her arms on her knees to face the flower containing her Master's soul at eye level. 

"You ... what you did to me, was cruel. I know you didn't mean it. I know that you just wanted to save me, but in saving me you endangered so many people. This entire world. But then, I've realized, I was endangering them too: even before I was taken by Sakura. If my wish had been granted and I never examined what the Grail truly was, I would have corrupted the lives of my people, and worse. I would have slaughtered so many more of yours."

Saber smiles ruefully. "But then ... you did the same with Sakura, did you not? I was worried ... even when I was corrupted, I was worried about what would happen if you threw away your ideals. At first, I thought you were going to hold on to those same dreams we both seemed to have. That ... I was afraid, even then, that you couldn't face that reality. But when you chose to save Sakura, I knew you'd changed: as much as you are still a sword and it's only the trajectory of you that changed."

She pauses and shakes her head. "No, that's not right. You are not a sword, whatever your mystical Origin and Element. Avalon did that to you. You are more like Avalon. You are a sheath. You protect, and you nurture. You keep a sword sharp and in tandem you can also be a shield. Sometimes ... I thought of you as my sheath."

Saber sighs. "You should have killed me when you had the chance, Shirou. I wasn't worth saving. Not at that point. Possibly not ... even before. I could have stopped you. I could have stopped you from saving the woman you love. The one you changed direction for. 

"But what hurts the most, more than the pain of having the darkness and light fight in me, after you left me, leaving me loving and hating you all at once, was how it had gotten to that point. When the Shadow took me, I could have died. I could have refused to live. But instead ..." Saber looks away from the flower. "I ... Rider was right. Sakura already knew, but she's been too good to say anything. 

"The truth is ... I gave up. I gave up on everything I did. I saw Camelot as a failure. Not just Mordred's betrayal, or Lancelot's affair with Guinevere, but all of it. Iskander, Rider in the Fourth War, and a King told me I failed my people ... by not relating to them. I tried to be perfect. I tried to be the perfect warrior, the perfect ruler, and even the perfect Servant. And I failed. But I didn't fail. I gave up. I let bitterness and hatred fill me. The Grail was an abomination that couldn't help me, and I had been defeated and I thought I had nothing left. 

"But what is even more unforgivable, Emiya Shirou, is that I gave up on you."

Drops of water fall into the flower's soil. "All you have ever done was support me. You treated me as an ally. A comrade and a friend. Your father thought I was tool, but you saw me as a human being. You wanted to be my partner. And I ... I didn't fight hard enough, against the darkness, against my own selfishness. Selfishness that masquerades as selflessness is almost worse than false humility. It makes your word mean nothing. 

"I pledged my sword to you, and then I raised it against you. I am worse than Mordred ever was. And now I understand Lancelot. I understand him because I know that, despite all of this, you would forgive me. You would have forgive me all of it. And I ... I can't live with that. Not ... not right now. 

"So, I am going to do one more selfish thing, although I will be helping another. I have to leave your side, Shirou. I can't be here right now. I need to have a purpose again. Rin wishes me to accompany her on her ventures. She is supplying me with prana and it is the least I can do. I ... promised her. It's funny ... we ..." Saber smiles. "We are actually seeking artifacts that others did from me ... that I sent my own knights out to find. It's been too long since I've had an adventure. A quest. And perhaps I will raise my blade and fight. That is just the nature of these things. 

"But it's just like old times, in a sense. Just as I sent my knights to find the True Grail, it is more than just the artifacts. More than the magic. I need this journey, Shirou. My old wish is long gone. My actions have been tainted. My kingdom is long gone. And I ... I need to know _who_ I am again."

Saber sighs again. "I think ... I know why people tie the story of the Fisher King to my own now. I needed to be healed. I still do. And you gave me a second chance. A second chance I never even thought possible. Something I never would have considered on my own. And I won't waste your chance. 

"I will come back, Shirou." Saber bows her head to the flower. "I will come back and become a worthy Servant for you again, Master. This is my vow ... as a knight, as a king ... and as your sword. I swear it on the kingdom I loved. I promise you." 

Saber remains bowed towards the flower for a full minute. Then, she gets up, stares down at the flower, and walks out of the Workshop.  


	11. Chapter 11

 

_He is sitting outside of his home with his father._

_It is night time. The moon rises above them as they sit in their yukatas. The older man looks up from the veranda and smiles at the sky. He looks relaxed, as though the long process of peace has finally whittled away all the hard and angular edges from his face and his eyes: from his soul. There is life in his dark eyes, with some mirth and quite a bit of relief. That is what his son notes as they sit in this familiar setting after enjoying the festival of that day._

_"Jii-san?"_

_The older man turns to look down at his son. He doesn't say anything, but a faint smile still seems to tug at the corner of his lips. It occurs to his son, now, just how foolish it is to call him that. He always thought his father had been old, but it was his illness. It was suffering and time. But now it occurs to him that he's thirty-four. Thirty-four isn't old at all. It's usually the age where someone reaches the stride of their life, not quite at the peak of their twenties, but still strong enough to be effective with their experiences making them far more than callow youths. The boy isn't sure where these thoughts are coming from but he knows, somehow, that they are his. What they mean, right now, is that his father is young. He should have had so many years left in him._

_"Did I ..." He starts, looking down at his knees on the veranda steps. "Did I do the right thing? Am I a Hero of Justice anymore? I mean, would you be if you ... really liked someone, someone who didn't do anything wrong but others ... made to do wrong? And chose them instead of a whole bunch of strangers? Instead of the world?"_

_There is a pause as a cool night's breeze passes by. Finally, the older man speaks._

_"No. You wouldn't be a Hero of Justice anymore."_

_The son's shoulders slump. Yes. He figured that dream would be over. Strangely, though, he doesn't feel all that bad about it. Suddenly, a youth ruffles his hair. He shouts and squirms in protest. The older man laughs, resting his hand on his son's red head._

_"No." He says again. Then his eyes pierce into his son's, becoming incredibly seriously. "You're not a Hero of Justice, son. You're just a hero. You're just a man. A fine young man. And I am very proud of you."_

_The boy freezes up under the man's hand. His vision is getting blurry. He hates it. He's crying. He's not truly cried like this, not since the Fire burned it all around. He turns and wraps his arms around the man._

_"I wish." He hears his father say, his voice husky. "I wish I could have been more like you when I grew up, son."_

_"I ... I love you, Jii-san."_

_"I love you too, son."_

_Slowly, for an eternity that is only a heartbeat, the two let go of one another. The boy is taller now. He's wearing his shirt and pants. He and his father are standing on the veranda. His father is wearing a trench coat and suit: the same clothing he wore that day when he saved him from the Fire. The same look of joy and absolution is in his eyes as the two of them met each other's gazes: as men._

_His father puts his hand on his shoulder. "You are my hero, Emiya Shirou. You always were." He tells him. "Take care of your sister. And live."_

_Shirou watches as Emiya Kiritsugu walks away. He walks towards the moon. But the moon ... the moon is changing shape. It is in the shape of a human. Of a woman. She is dressed all in white. Beside her is another figure. This woman is dressed in a suit and has short black hair. He approaches them. The woman in white, luminous and beautiful, waves towards Shirou. He finds himself waving back. She looks so much like his sister, like another's ancient memory, like ... someone else he met lately too. The dark woman nods at him. Kiritsugu and the white woman embrace each other. The dark woman rests her head on his back and he holds her hand. Then, a man with white hair and a red coat appears. He shakes his head at the three of them and seems to be saying something sarcastic. Shirou can't make all of it out. It's getting harder to concentrate._

_Kiritsugu shakes the other man's hand and embraces him too. Then, the four of them, seem to walk off, into the night, into the sky, far, far away ..._

_Everything is starting to blur now. In the back of his mind, the voice of the man in red seems to speak to him._

Wake up, dumb ass ...

"... not like transferring a brain into a puppet body ... had to be adapted ... least easier than materializing a soul itself but ..."

"Oh god ... Senpai? _Senpai_!"

Shirou finds himself twitching. He ... he can't move. He can't see anything. What is going on? What is happening? 

"Steady now. Stop trying to move you baka. Stop it. Stop it right now." 

"Master. Hold on."

Something holds his head ... he thinks. He can't be sure. He can feel it, but he doesn't. It's like he is registering the fact that he is, but he feels distant from it. Detached. But the touch seems to calm him down. Something pulses from that touch. It feels familiar. He tries to open his mouth, to say something. But he can't. 

"He's hurting, Neesan! He's crying. Help him. Please!"

"I'm trying, Sakura! Dammit all! The idiot's trying to move even now! Keep him on the futon, Saber! I'll try ..."

"I can give him Avalon if that ..."

"I ... I don't know. It's not physical trauma. This is something else. Why isn't Illyasviel awake yet? Much as I hate to say it, she'd know to do."

 _I'm not hurting,_ he wants to say. _I just ... don't know where I am. I'm stuck. It feels like it's happening to someone else, but I'm here too. I'm scared. I'm so scared._

"He will damage this body if he keeps moving like this. It's like he's trying to scream ... told us it would take time for the grafting to take ... damn Zouken ... evil ... might have known what to do ... irony ..." 

"... not helping ..."

"Hold on, Shirou. We're here. You're safe."

 _What's happening?_ Shirou knows he is Shirou. But his body is screaming. It's burning. Swords impale it. No ... they grow out of it. His arm ... not his arm is telling his body what to do, but they are gone. They are memories. And they itch. 

"Master. I think I can help him."

"Rider ..."

"I need your permission, Sakura."

"I ..."

"What the hell do you think you're doing, Rider!"

"Rider. Stand down. Now."

"Neesan. Saber. It's all right. I trust Rider."

"I do not."

"Are you really going to let your Master suffer, Saber? Is your pride that great?" 

"I can just place him back into sleep. Just hold him ..."

"No. It's gone too far for that. I think ... I think he's scared. And he has every right to be."

Shirou wills himself to calm down. Someone seems to understand. 

"Go on, Rider. I trust you."

Suddenly, the darkness around Shirou begins to lift. He sees some blurred shapes for a few moments. Then, they vanish. Something sinks into his neck. It ... might hurt, but he isn't sure. Somehow, it feels familiar. Someone strokes his hair. In the darkness, a face materializes in front of him. He knows her. She has purple hair. There is a ribbon in it. She is dressed in the student dress uniform. But her eyes. They are different. He knows they aren't the same as they should be. They are a light grey and the pupils are square. 

"Boy." She says. "Calm down. I know you're scared. Rest now."

Her eyes begin to glow. Shirou begins to find the darkness again, but it doesn't terrify him. It feels comforting. Like a blanket. The nervous fire that is and isn't a part of him begins to dissipate. 

"Sleep ... sleep, sweet boy. Don't worry. I will not feed on you. Not today. Sleep ..."

The grey eyes with the square pupils engulf his senses as he falls into their black centre and finds oblivion again. 

 


	12. Chapter 12

Sakura watches Shirou sleep beside her. 

She insisted on bringing a futon into her family's ... into Rin's Workshop. Sakura told them, flat out, that she was not going to let her Senpai lie alone on the floor in earth and blood anymore. Rin, very reluctantly, with an even more reluctant Saber had to leave the first week of Shirou's ... return. She assured them that they'd both done everything they could: that she and Rider would continue to do their part, and watch over Illya as well. 

Sakura felt bad for Saber in particular, but most of her concern was for the man left in her care. She'd asked the priest in the Church on the Hill to give her some time, to which the old man, truly nicer than her Grandfather or Kotomine, acquiesced: provided they kept in touch should she as the acting Second Owner of the Land be needed. When she did have to leave, Rider watched Shirou in her stead. It was essentially like she was watching him twenty-four seven in that way as, in a lot of ways, though they are different people Rider is a part of Sakura, in some ways even more than her Senpai, but in other ways so different ...

During the first week, he tries to move. He is restless. She can tell. Sometimes, Shirou attempts to move. It isn't like the time he had been transferred into this new body where he was practically convulsing and terrifying everyone else in the Workshop. It is as though his hands often search for something ... or someone. His feet twitch. His eyes keep moving, murky and empty, but sometimes she thinks she can see a spark of something there: that old fire that made her fall in love with him ever since they were children and he stood up for her against the bullies harassing her.

He's fighting. He's fighting and she needs to help him win that fight.

By the second week, she can hear his new stomach rumbling painfully. She can almost feel the hunger in him. She's been feeding him her blood, to keep the connection between them, as well as water and infusions, but she knows it's not enough. But he still isn't saying anything. He doesn't even seem aware of his surroundings. But she knows he's in there. Rider ... Rider manages, through her own way, to see into his active mind. She tells Sakura that, slowly, very slowly, Shirou is working his way out of being trapped in the new body that they've gained for him. 

"He knows you are there." She tells her, when they rest together in one of the chairs, placing Shirou on the couch to give him a new place to lie. "He sees your face. I make sure of that." 

 _Just like that other time ..._ Sakura thinks to herself, but doesn't dwell on it further. That was a different time, when Rider needed sustenance and she didn't want her to kill. She knew what she had done with Shirou then, and they had a talk about it. But this time she was only doing this in her presence and she wasn't feeding on him. Shirou needed sustenance of his own now, not the other way around. 

They usually move him outside, to sit under a tree, with a complex bounded field made by her and Rin so that others don't see them. Sometimes Sakura lays his head on her lap, on a picnic blanket as she and Rider eat, and she feeds him. She likes to think the sunlight and fresh air are good for him: wherever he is inside of himself. But they make sure to do this after they clean him up. It's encouraging to know that his biological processes are working, even if his cognitive ones are still processing this new condition. Sakura doesn't mind cleaning up after him.

"Rider ... I can handle this."

"I know you can, Sakura. But I will help."

"I know. It's just ..."

Rider always has a hint of wryness when they talk about dealing with Shirou's functions. "Do you think this is the first time I've seen something like this? Or dealt with it? I did worse to those that visited my Island. I know what blood and viscera smells like, Sakura. I know all about bodily fluids."

 _Even now_ , she doesn't say but they both think it. Rider does have her nightly extended patrols after all, some possibly in the Red Light Districts. Sakura doesn't let it go at that, however. 

"I do too. From the Worm Pits."

 _You were the victimizer of bodies. Until recently, I was the victimized,_ are some other unspoken words that did not need to be said: neither condoned nor judged.

"All right. Well, then we are both familiar with piss and shit." Rider replied, nor breaking her stride.

Somehow, this always makes Sakura giggle. Even Rider seems to let a smile play on her lips as they continue their work with Shirou. 

This isn't the case with Illya. Illya herself doesn't seem to require nourishment. According to Rin, Sakura knows that as a homunculus Illya can gain energy from the earth itself: that her body is one great Magic Circuit. It takes less work to change her clothing and bed sheets. She wonders when the girl will wake up. She wonders if she will forgive them for changing her while she sleeps from whatever she did to save her Senpai's life. 

She is pleased in the following week, when Shirou actually remains sitting when she props him up. In another week, he is walking around with assistance: no longer needing the wheelchair that Rin procured for him. It's almost as though he is partially catatonic now and it is an improvement. Sometimes, they can even get him to the washroom on the Workshop level. Although Sakura is sure Rin would forgive her, and she would insist that this was _their_ house, she still doesn't want to risk soiling the upper levels as Shirou's functions still aren't controlled. 

But they are functioning. On the futon, as they lie there, she can feel Shirou's cock becoming erect under the pajamas in which they've dressed him. 

"You know," Rider said earlier, "you could take him. You could maintain a more effective Contract than with me and the blood you give him."

"I know, but I'd rather Senpai be awake."

"I understand, but Master, he wouldn't mind. You know that if he were conscious, he would say it was all right."

Sakura nodded. She knew how easy it would have been. Rin even suggested something to that effect before, in a purely theoretical tantric ritual. It made sense. They had been dating, in a sense, and had actually copulated many times before. Sakura already considered herself Shirou's girlfriend, even if she still didn't feel entirely worthy of it. But that was why she made this decision.

"Still. I want him to be able to tell me. I want him to say yes."

And she still stood by this. Even though she missed his hardness inside of her, filling her, and assuaging her hunger she has her hands, and sometimes Rider to alleviate the worst of it. Semen would be ideal, it's true, but that is psychosomatic now. The worms are gone. All that is left is the ache of the power inside of her that she yearns to release into Shirou as much as he can handle instead of the painful increments of which they are currently capable. Instead, this night, she just holds him, stroking his hair and curling up in back of him.

"Come back to me, Senpai."

The following day, Sakura wakes up and finds that she is alone. Instantly, she panics. Where did Shirou go? But then she sees a form lying a little bit away. He almost made it to the washroom in the basement, but not in time. 

Sakura runs over to Shirou, lying in his waste, still trying to crawl towards the door of the bathroom. He's shaking. 

"Senpai. Hold on ... Senpai, I'll get Rider."

But as she kneels down, she sees his face. His eyes don't look empty anymore. She sees moisture brimming in his golden eyes. Tears flow down his cheeks, on a face that is reddening. He looks away from her, and she feels a combination of sadness and joy in seeing his visible humiliation and realizing he's back. He's come back to her. 

"No." She soothes as Shirou is softly weeping on the floor. She wonders when was the last time Shirou ever cried in front of her, or if he ever had. A tender feeling flows into Sakura's heart as she gathers Shirou up, sitting on the floor with him, unmindful of his soiling or of the dirtiness she still felt inside of her. "No. No. Don't be ashamed. There is nothing to be ashamed about. We've both seen worse, Senpai. We will clean you up. We will take a bath together. I'm ..." She smiles through her own flowing tears. "I'm ... I'm just so happy you've come back. You've come back to me. Senpai ..."

Sakura kisses him on the forehead, her hands in his hair. She'd like to say she can't even imagine the pain he has gone through, but at this point she knows it all too well. She rocks him back and forth as he cries, huddling into a fetal position. They stay there for a time before she summons Rider: before the recovery can continue and Emiya Shirou returns back into their world. 

 


	13. Chapter 13

Tohsaka Rin steps into the mansion. 

It had been easy enough passing through the Bounded Field without notice. In fact, she might as well have created the Field herself given how easy it was. 

Too easy.

She hates it. She hates how familiar it is despite the utter devastation outside of the building. There is nothing left of this world, as far as she can see or sense. Perhaps there are some pockets of humanity left, or other beings. Rin isn't sure and she is not about to try to find out. That is not her mission here. A part of her, though she can still feel their bond, really wishes that Saber could be here. Unlike most of their missions and their continuing quest, sometimes they have to separate. That is what Zelretch does. Most of the time they come to these other worlds together, though not always appearing in the same place. And then, without warning, sometimes they aren't even taken to the same worlds at a time. 

Rin clutches her Jeweled Sword, practically still a modified Azoth Dagger, more tightly. She does not like being separated from Saber, but she will do what she must. The sooner she retrieves the artifact from the person existing in this parody of a home, the better. Perhaps Zelretch himself won't take as long, this time, in extracting her. If there were any further motivation to be able to travel herself through the multiverse, it would be this feeling of helplessness. If Toshaka Rin never liked feeling helpless, she detested being so even more. 

 _I just have to find the Horn of Bran Galed._ Rin tells herself. I know it's here. _The old vampire said a magus had it. And there's nowhere else._ .

Rin doesn't know why Zelretch wants most of these Treasures. For a magus of his power, and an Apostle of his age, most of them seemed like mere trinkets. Yes, some were powerful Noble Phantasms. She and Saber had fought to the bone in order to deal the Cauldron of Dyrnwch the Giant that, as it turned out, had been a gradation of the Pair Dadeni: an artifact spewing a constant stream of hallowed Dead and Ghouls under the command of an insane Dead Apostle. The Cauldron's legendary ability to tell heroes from cowards through whether or not meat within it boiled was a metaphor for those who could claim the prize by fighting through an army of the Dead and killing them effectively: a fact that Zelretch neglected to mention and pissed Rin off to no end. She was glad she bonded Saber as her Servant, otherwise without Excalibur they would have been done for. Even her Jeweled Sword, fueling her with constant energy from multiple gradations of the same place, just allowed her to survive the constant onslaught. After that, after Saber had to jump into the Cauldron to neutralize its power with her own deathless status negating its resurrection power, Rin and Saber vowed to be exceedingly cautious of artifacts owned or made by Giants, even in legend.  

This current artifact, the Horn, wasn't made by Giants, but Rin already hates where she is because, deep down, she knows. This mirror image of a place is empty and covered with dust. Everything is here. Books. Artifacts. Unused teacups and saucers. She doesn't dare go up the stairs. Even the window blinds are shut, as though the owner too can't bear to look at the outside of their land: of their domain. Rin doesn't dare use their name. She thinks it's pointless in repeating the obvious even in her mind.

She finds the door. She channels her power and disengages the complex wards to the Workshop. Then she heads down.

Everything is exactly as she remembers it, with perhaps even more books, more dangerous artifacts than the ones upstairs, and some complex instruments. Some of them seem like they've been recovered from ruins. Others look like they've been created here, in this Workshop. And some don't even look like they come from this world. There is a lounge nearby, with some chairs. 

Rin finds the artifact, and the person, that she is looking for.

There is a table laid out in front of the magus. There is one glass on that table and a half-empty crystalline decanter beside it. It looks like it has been used a few times already. She holds the Horn of Bran Galed in her hands. Rin stands there and looks at the magus in question.

"Don't you know it's rude to stare?" The magus says. "I was told to expect you."

"Oh?" Rin says, walking towards the other magus slowly, her hand still on the hilt of the sword. "Then why's there only one glass on the table? Some hostess you are."

The woman chuckles. "My apologies. I'd bow and greet you, but I've had a little too much to drink. You know how it is."

"Not really." Rin says. "But I guess destroying an entire world's pretty thirsty work." 

"Oh, that wasn't me." The other woman replies. "That was Alaya. Or Gaia. I'm not sure. They were once the same soul, right? I guess if there were any survivors, it was all Alaya's doing ..."

Rin's nose wrinkles in disgust. "It's nice to know that all those sacrifices, all that hard work, and walking with death lead you to the pinnacle of becoming a lush." 

Empty, opaque blue eyes become icy slits. "Oh, I assure you Tohsaka Rin. I am very sober right now. I am still in our place of power. I let you in here. I kept everything the same. Right now, I am contemplating whether or not I shouldn't end you."

"That's funny." Rin says, her hand still on her weapon. "I was thinking the same thing."

The two of them regard each other silently for a few moments. Finally, the other woman shakes her head, pushing back a lock of black hair. "No. As the Supervisor and Second Owner of these ancestral lands. I wouldn't dishonour this place after offering guest-friendship. There is still decorum to observe." She takes the Horn, tilts it, and sips something from its end.

Rin can't help but look at the red-dressed woman on the sofa, even though she wants to be anywhere else. Right now, she hates Zelretch so much. "I hope you don't expect me to drink to that."

"Not at all. As you said, there are no other glasses here. And besides, our business won't last long. You will be leaving soon. As I will I."

"Oh?" Rin walks around the room. "Do you have other plans?"

"I have ... other places to be, yes." The magus says.

Rin glares at the woman. "Are you trying to be funny?"

"Not at all. I am just telling the truth and," She gets up and walks over to Rin, the Horn in both of her hands. "Keeping a promise." 

"What sort of promise?" Rin doesn't want to ask this, but despite the many things this has happened in other permutations, she can't help herself. She takes the Horn. It smells cloyingly sweet from whatever beverage the magus had summoned and drank before.

"Well, I have been a little dishonest. You see, I know there are survivors in this world. I know this because I made a deal with our mutual benefactor. He would help me save them from the worst of the world's wrath. It was probably Alaya that did it, with the Counter-Force, and so the deal would have been simple enough: no reason to ask for a Counter-Guardianship like that stupid Servant of mine had. Alaya would save a reasonable number of human lives."

Rin grits her teeth, keeping her hands from shaking, keeping them around the artifact so she doesn't strangle the woman in front of her. "And ..."

"In exchange? I had to retrieve some items for him. And wait for his messenger. I was welcome to everything else, for whatever that was worth." She looks at Rin's hip. "Your studies really progressed. You have come from a better world."

"Probably." Rin tries to scoff. "I think I made better choices than you did."

"Most likely." The other says. 

Rin nods and turns around.

"Don't you want to know what happened?"

Tohsaka Rin looks back at the other Tohsaka Rin. "Not really."

An older Tohsaka Rin gazes at her with sad, empty eyes similar to those of her father. "I won the Fifth Holy Grail War."

Rin begins to walk away. 

"Emiya-kun killed Illyasviel first. Without my Servant, and without hers, I don't think I could have done it without him."

Rin keeps walking to the stairs.

"He fought to the end. For a novice, he fought well. He lived for his ideals to the very end."

"I never knew he had it in him. I never knew he would let me fulfill my duty as the Second Owner and Supervisor. But even he saw what _she_ would be capable of doing." 

Rin stops moving.

The older Tohsaka Rin walks back to the lounge sofa. Rin can hear her footsteps: sounds that are so much like her own. "She let me. She was just glad to see me again. I even let her call me Neesan."

Rin turns around, slowly.

The other Rin gives her a melancholy smile from across the room. "After that, Zouken's plans were ruined. The Grail aberration had been corrected. Or so I thought."

Something turns cold and hard inside of Rin's chest. She starts to walk back to her counterpart, one stride at a time.

"Father would have been disappointed. But I think he would have understood. I wish I had ..." The other shakes her head.

Rin draws out her sword with one hand. The older Tohsaka Rin continues talking, seemingly oblivious to this oncoming threat. 

"I had to fulfill my duty. After dealing with Shirou --"

"Don't."

The older woman blinks up at her.

"Don't say his name. You don't deserve to."

A faint smile quirks at the older Tohsaka's lips. "Fair enough. I'm not even sure that was his name anymore. Not after letting me do my duty. I wish he had ..."

She begins to slump forward. 

Rin doesn't know how it happened. The next minute, she is holding her older counterpart in her arms. 

The older Tohsaka coughs. Distantly, Rin realizes that blood complements their family's colours well. 

"He ... he ... he was the lucky one." The other coughs. "I ... I fulfilled the family dream. I was going to the Root. To Akasha ... when I saw the price I ... I tried to turn back. I ..."

"You summoned poison into the Horn." Rin manages to grit out through the thin, grim line of her mouth as she holds the other.

"Was it that obvious ... was I always this obvious ..." The other hacks out a stream of blood. "Kotomine must have laughed when he died ... that utter bastard. He must have laughed at my obviousness too ..."

Rin looks around for anything. For an antidote or spell. For a healing Gem. But she finds herself still holding her counterpart. She still doesn't know why.

"That look ... ha ... ha ... You're wondering why. Why now? I just ..." The older Tohsaka wheezes. "I just wanted to see ..."

"To see what?" Rin can't understand why her vision is blurry, why she feels anything for this ... person dying in her arms. 

"I just ..." Somehow, with a trembling, red-stained hand, the older Tohsaka Rin managed to touch her cheek. "I just wanted to see what I would have looked like ... if I had been happy ..."

Rin feels a hand on her shoulder.

Someone is helping her up on her feet. Kischur Zelretch Schweinorg is standing in front of Rin. He is holding the Horn. She feels something come into her hand and realizes it's her sword. She must have dropped it. 

"Come now, young lady." He says, not unkindly. "I'm sorry. I didn't know she would try ..." He raises up his own sword, a larger and more crystalline blade. "I will take you back to your own Servant."

"I ..." Rin starts to say as the glow of powerful interdimensional magics surround her.

"Don't worry. She won't die." Zelretch says as his face begins to dissipate. "Your counterpart still has some promises that she needs to keep."

Rin thinks she sees the old man's long, canine teeth as he turns away from her, kneeling down, and she finds herself floating, falling away into the air, and into another place far away. 

"Rin ... _**RIN**_!"

She is back at the Clock Tower, in her room ... in their room. Saber is standing over her bed. Distantly, Rin sees how haggard Saber's face looks: at the circles under her eyes. She wonders if those aquamarine eyes are as haunted as her own. 

"Rin ..." She sighs with relief. "You are ..."

"Alive." Rin coughs. "Yeah." She tries to sit up and she fails. 

She feels an arm under the back of her head. It's Saber again. She's sitting on the corner of the bed. Rin realizes what's happened. She realizes everything that's happened.

"Zelretch is a bastard." She wheezes, suddenly very self-conscious of her own voice.

"Rin?" 

Rin looks up at the concern in the Servant's eyes. "I was a bitch during the War. An utter bitch."

"Rin." Saber's voice is calm and steady. "What is wrong?"

The Tohsaka magus squeezes her eyes shut. "Saber?"

"Yes Rin?"

"You ... you know the ... the virtues of courtly love?"

Saber is quiet for a few moments. "Yes. I ... know the iteration of those ideals."

"Can you ..." Rin still can't bear to look at her, or the room, or anything. "Can you just hold me right now?"

Rin sighs in exasperation at the smallness of her voice. "I'm sorry. That sounded so pathetic, and selfish. I don't deserve ..."

She feels arms encircle her and the firm softness of a body pressing against her back. Slowly, reluctantly, Rin relaxes into Saber's warmth as the other holds her.

"Thank you, Saber."

Rin can still the scent of the meadow and the dawn from Saber's body. 

"You ... did you hold Guinevere like this?"

The magus feels the air under her Servant's lungs as she breathes in and replies. "Sometimes, yes." There is a lull in between their conversation. Rin feels the other's question, but she also knows that she won't ask it. Instead, she feels Saber's chest move against her back again. "It was bad, wasn't it." 

Rin nods. She hears Saber sigh. "I had a ... difficult time as well." There is another pause. "It was bad too." 

Tohsaka Rin takes her hands and wraps them around Saber's below her waist. 

"Fuck Zelretch." Rin whispers.

"Yes." Saber says, from behind her. "Fuck Zelretch."

A part of Rin's dimming mind should be surprised at Saber's use of swear words, but mostly she feels as though she's back in her room, back in her bed, back with her Servant, her friend, her companion ... She isn't Archer, but they've already gone through enough. Right now, she will do.

"Thank you, Saber ..." Tohsaka Rin murmurs, as she drifts off into a safer darkness. 

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

  _"You cur!"_

"Saber, stand down. Please."

Zelretch sighs from behind the desk. "Thank you, Rin. I wouldn't want to unduly destroy Lord El-Melloi's office. Even if it does need some spring-cleaning." 

Rin's hand is on Saber's lower back as the other lets go of her sword hilt and sits down in one of the chairs in front of the office desk. She almost regrets telling her what happened. Almost. The Tohsaka magus' eyes do not leave her master's gaze. She doesn't blink. She remains standing. 

"Master." Rin says. " I do not want to cause any untoward incidents in the Clock Tower. I imagine a fight between a Magician, who is a Dead Apostle Ancestor, and a Heroic Spirit Servant would cause a lot of collateral damage. Not to mention I'm sure that Waver Velvet wouldn't be pleased with any 'surprise spring cleanings.' I know how boys get about their games and toys getting misplaced. That's part of what our quest is about, right? Besides, I'm not sure what the Vice-Director would get more pissed at: destroying Association property, or keeping her out of a fight with a powerful vampire. 

"So, thank you for seeing us on such short notice. I know that you have a lot of things going on, in various places. But I just want to know two things." Rin sits down in the chair next to Saber's and leans forward to look at Zelretch. "What in the _hell_ were you thinking?"

The Wizard Marshal looks down at the desk. He watches the pieces of crystal and silver move and eliminate each other off of the golden chessboard. Rin finds herself looking down at the artifact as well. The Chessboard of Gwenddoleu ap Ceidio. It was one of the Thirteen Treasures that Saber had retrieved from her own solo mission into the Kaleidoscope. She'd said nothing to Rin about it, except that she'd succeeded in procuring it. Rin is tempted to let the enchanted movements of the chess pieces lull her, to temper the fury that boils under the surface of her, but she also notices that while she and Zelretch are somewhat focused on the artifact, Saber is actually looking _away_ from it. 

"You are referring to the encounter with your counterpart."

"No, I'm talking about our visit to the Catastrophic Hairball Incident in the Great Cat's Village ... _of course I'm talking about meeting_ that _alternate self! Don't be obtuse!_ " Rin can feel her face turning purple with the rage she thought she was suppressing. Saber is looking at her, almost in shock. Rin coughs, realizing what she's done, leans back into her seat, splaying her fingers out in front of her. "I just ... I want to know why."

"She had the artifact." Zelretch quirks one eyebrow at her. "You had to retrieve it."

"Bullshit." 

"Wow ... my young apprentice has such language about her."

For a few moments, Rin realizes yet again that she's disrespecting one of the most powerful beings on this planet, and perhaps even the multiverse. But then, finding that she isn't dead or worse as of yet, she realizes that she doesn't care. "Look ... I understand what you think you did." Rin shakes her head. "I know that you warned me, us, that we would more than possibly face different versions of ourselves. Even male versions. So I can understand this being a lesson in seeing yet another permutation of me. I can even see it being ... I don't know: a way to interact with another part of me that made different decisions." _Decisions that I utterly detest_ , is what Rin doesn't have to say. "And to show me where I am, now. But she tried to ... she tried to kill herself right in front of me. _With the Horn no less!"_

"I apologize for that."

"For what exactly?" Rin asks, her acid tongue getting the better of her again. "For not knowing a bitter alternate self of mine would try to kill herself when seeing me? For putting me in that situation? For not making me aware than ancient Mystic Code generating beverages could also make poison?"

"Two out of the three. Honestly, I never even thought of utilizing the Horn of Bran Galed to make poison."

Rin doesn't know how she's able to count to three without exploding again. A part of her is even surprised that Saber hasn't reacted beyond her initial outburst. 

"She was the one that wanted to see you."

Rin stares at the Wizard Marshal. "Excuse me?"

"The magus Tohsaka wanted to see you."

Rin almost feels a missing part of her brain break. "She ... arranged our meeting?"

Zelretch sighs, actually looking contrite. "Yes."

"But ... again ... w-why?"

"After she ... well, 'won' her Grail War and I was able to intercede in time with the Counter-Force, she'd ... well, she had been doing excellent work."

"Is she your apprentice as well?" The minute Rin asks it, she feel that it's a stupid question.

"Maybe ... one day. If she survives." 

_Right, a stupid question._ Rin doesn't say anything but finds herself waving her hand for Zelretch to continue. 

"We have an arrangement. I interceded with the Counter-Force and in exchange she retrieves artifacts and works for me. She remains the Guardian of her work and the humans that remain. And, if ever I needed something from her, I was to bring you -- or a Tohsaka Rin -- to her so she could ... warn them not to make the same decisions as she had."

"That is ..." Rin shakes her head. "But I didn't ..."

"I know."

_ Why ... why ... why?  _

"Tell me, Rin. After meeting her, do you doubt yourself anymore?"

Rin opens her mouth and then shuts it. Then, in a small voice, she manages to speak. "That's ... not fair to her."

"That does you credit, given that you raised your sword on her." Rin turns pale, remembering that Zelretch had her pick up her sword, the very artifact she made in the image of the one he carries. It could have been seen as a great desecration. Zelretch waves Rin off with one hand. "She made her decisions. All of them. She is a good magus. An excellent one even. She fulfilled her duties and, up until now, took responsibility for her mistakes. But, I will say this. There is a reason I enjoyed the company of Tohsaka Nagato over the Einzbern and the Makiri centuries ago. And he was far less skilled the other two. Than you."

Rin digests this new tidbit of information. She looks away. Her face could be red. She isn't sure. She thinks she understands it now. Tohsaka Rin, for all she was a prodigy, had still been part of an orthodox magus lineage. Tokiomi expected her to think for herself and solve her own problems, but he also expected her to follow the path of decorum and the magus: of winning the Holy Grail for the sake of the family even to the point of facing her own sister down as a worthy adversary. Instead, in that world, she followed protocol and ... and killed her sister before she could threaten the land and the world. She did everything right. She even figured out that the Grail could be used to reach the Root, reach Akasha, but never accounted for the taint of Angra Mainyu. She, technically, did everything right by magi standards. 

And she lost everything that ever truly mattered to her, in grim hindsight. 

That could have easily been her. But it isn't. Not now.

Rin isn't sure when it happened, but she feels Saber's hand on her own, squeezing it. She squeezes it back, silently thanking her.

"I ... I think I understand." Rin says, rising to her feet again. "I just want to know one another thing."

"And what's that?"

Rin's eyes narrow into ice blue slits of fury. _"What did you do to my Saber?"_  

Saber tenses beside Rin, her hand squeezes hers again, this time with caution. "Rin?"

"I see her dreams sometimes. I don't know everything and she won't tell me the details. She doesn't want to bother me. I'm always surrounded by stubborn, stoic idiots. But something happened on the solo mission she was given the same time as me." She sighs in exasperation, before fixing her gaze on Zelretch again. "Saber has gone through a lot. She went through a lot during the War. I just want you to know, Kischur Zelretch Schweinorg, Wizard Marshal and Magician of the Second Magic, that if you ever hurt her like that again, not only will I renounce your apprenticeship, but I will make it my life's work to turn the Vice-Director and all of her Dead Apostle-hunting magi in this universe and others down on your head to the point where you wish you'd lost that battle with the Crimson Moon."

"Rin, that's enough." Saber stands beside Rin, quietly moving her back. 

"Sometimes I do regret beating Brunestud. If only for the paper work." Zelretch is silent for a few moments. Then he tilts his head back. And laughs. Rin's eyes widen. Saber is clutching her hand. She can't believe this. The nerve of ...

"I-I'm sorry, young lady. It's just ... You have Nagato's nobility and your own fire. As well as immense loyalty." Zelretch smiles, a facial expression that reaches his eyes. "I knew I made the right choice. For what it's worth, while I can't promise that you will never face danger, or moral quandaries, or cruelty, or madness, I appreciate you standing up to me. Standing up for yourself. That is important: that amount of self-discipline in wielding the power of the Second Magic. I'm ... actually very proud of you, Tohsaka Rin." Zelretch takes a piece of paper and begins scribbling on it. "Take this to your instructors. I think you need to take some extended leave for a time. Visit your sister and your friends, and your young man."

"My young ..." 

Saber takes the piece of paper from Zelretch and bows. "Thank you, Lord Magician." Saber begins to guide Rin away, reversing the entire order of the day and existence. "Come along now, Master."

"He's not my --"

"Who knows? Maybe he can create some Apostle-destroying Noble Phantasms to make good on your threat. Maybe something in silver. Have an excellent day, you two."

The door closes behind them. The two of them, Master and Servant, stand outside. Rin is fuming. She can't believe this ... what even happened? What ...

"Just like Merlin." Saber sighs, after a time. "I swear. There must be a fellowship for these kinds of perverted mages. No offense, Rin."

Rin finds herself spluttering. And then, she hears something. Saber is laughing. She is actually smiling and laughing. It is a strange look accompanied by an unfamiliar sound. It is melodious. It is gold like a morning sunrise. Rin bites her lip and then finds herself also laughing. She's laughing and crying. The two of them continue laughing and Rin finds herself hugging the King of Knights. They stand out there for a few moments before Rin gets her mindfulness back and lets go of Saber. 

"Wow ..." Rin wipes her eyes. "This is so ridiculous ..."

"Indeed." Saber chuckles and coughs. "This is madness."

"Saber." Rin says, putting her hand on the other's arm. "You look ... happier."

"I ..." Redness starts to bloom across Saber's cheeks. Rin barely keeps herself from laughing and from staring at such a beautiful sight: She begins to feel sorry for her other self, the one who made the right and proper choices, for not being able to see this humble, human sunrise in front of her. "I'm glad to be your sword on this venture." 

"Saber?"

"Yes, Rin?"

"You ..." She doesn't know if she can address this, or if she should. "Back in the office, you called me Master."

"... yes. I believe I did." There is a pause. "You and Shirou are both my Masters. I ... I'm glad for that."

"Me too."

"Come, Rin." Saber says, taking Rin's hand. "Let's go home." 


	15. Chapter 15

 

**_"En-uma-Elish!"_ **

_" **Ex-calib-ur!"**_

The golden radiance created by the downward strike of Saber's powerful fey sword blade, meets the harsh, multifarious dark torrent of unreality that comes from the drill that is Gilgamesh's Ea. The two opposing energies crackle against one another, diametrically opposed, and surrounded by the remnants that fell shattered into the soil of the Church graveyard by the Gate of Babylon. Saber grits her teeth against the force of Gilgamesh. Even with Avalon increasing her power, and Rin's prana, the power of Ea is immense. But she is holding her ground. This is her chance. Even since the Fourth Grail War, when he utterly toyed and destroyed her, she never realized how long she had been waiting for this chance. 

For his part, Gilgamesh's handsome face is twisted into the pure reckless arrogance with which his entire life had been predicated. His smile is a death rictus. Somehow, in the back of her mind, Saber wishes her magic resistance could somehow protect her against such stark and naked killing intent. But she is not losing any ground. Unfortunately, neither is he. He's smarter this time. He knows she is at full power, with all of her faculties. Everything has been distance attacks and methods of obliterating her. Avalon regenerated the worst of her wounds, when it didn't outright shield her from them altogether. But then came their final move. This is it. In this other place, in this other time, in this different world, this is where she is going to finally prove herself. She just needs to direct Excalibur, to overcome this focused primordial chaos from before gods and mortals. 

But before Saber can rally herself, the ground shakes. She and Gilgamesh lose their footing, just slightly. Something has changed in the air. The atmosphere around them, the latent mana flow, feels different. With her gaze on Gilgamesh, she sees the King of Heroes pause for just a moment. He didn't do this. This gives her time. Just a little more time.

_**"Ex-"** _

_**"Enuma -"** _

_**"calibur!"** _

It takes one Mana Burst combined with one sweeping arc through the blast, Avalon's power guarding her, to make another close quarters decisive arc across the armoured chest of the King of Heroes. Ea falls out of Gilgamesh's hands and blood sprays out of his mouth into the air. Gilgamesh looks down at the decisive cut through his body. Then he falls to his knees. Saber hears a burbling sound. It takes her a while, regaining breath through her worn and battered body, to realize that the King of Heroes is laughing.

"So ..." He gasps. "The Faker ... he actually had the gall to ..."

 _Faker ..._ _what is he talking about?_

Saber sheathes Excalibur back into Avalon and regards her dying opponent. Gilgamesh's form is beginning to disintegrate. Somehow, the man is still laughing despite his defeat. Despite his death. "I ... I knew you couldn't be the same. The Shadow got you. I ... am glad I spared the boy's life after I decided he avenged you ..." Gilgamesh's face somehow seems to soften. "You fought ... differently. You are different. Tarnished. More ...real.

"You are not my Saber."

Saber turns away from him, her hair covering her eyes, her mouth set into a grim line. "I was never yours, Gilgamesh."

She walks away from the King of Heroes has he finally becomes golden motes and succumbs to oblivion. Saber walks through the graveyard and towards the Church on the Hill. This is it. She can't feel any other Servants. And, the makeup of this place, of the land has changed. Ever since that minor quake. Something feels fundamentally different now. But she remembers her quest. It's here, the last item, in Kotomine Church.

She opens the door. The Church still has an unsettling aura about it. Saber knows all too much about this place now, after the War, after Rin, the Church representative, and the Association went through it. It's not part of her mission, but she will purify this disgusting parody of a House of God made into a shrine of sadism and suffering ... in addition to the horrific disgrace of a false priest that made it so. 

Saber walks through the pews, slowly drawing out her sword again. The malice in this place, while somehow more muted than she remembers, still unsettles her. This ends today, and she can then finally move on. She walks quickly towards the back room of the Church and begins to hear two voices talking. 

"So you did it." A deep, baritone voice says with an edge of mockery. "You actually destroyed Mt. Enzou."

"I told you, Kotomine. I would stop that abomination from rising. Even in the future."

Saber pauses. That voice ... There is something very familiar about its tone. She steels herself and moves closer.

"... my Dad placed explosives there, after the War ... had my ways of finding them ..."

"... Ryuudou Temple is gone, isn't it." Kotomine's voice is filled with barely restrained mirth. "All those priests. They were rebuilding after the War. And the whole family ..."

There is a pause. "... would have died anyway because of your Archer. Because of you."

"And you couldn't risk warning them, just in case I had my sources there. Which, of course, I did. How pragmatic of you. Like father, like son. Emiya Kiritsugu would be proud."

Saber's hand freezes over the doorknob to the back office. A slow, cold, creeping horror slithers into her heart. 

_No ... It couldn't be ..._

"Well, I guess I destroyed your one way of ever knowing who you really are."

Saber opens the door. She sees Kotomine Kirei and another tall man facing each other across the desk. A golden chess-set is splayed out on the table. The two of them seem to be watching the crystal and silver pieces, slowly and methodically move around and tap each other out. 

"I think I know who I am. And you are exactly the person that your father never wanted you to be." 

"You will never get your real wish now, Kotomine." The other voice, colder, emptier, states in a tone of finality.

The Servant feels her chest drop at the sight of the other person. She sees Kotomine close his eyes. His face seems almost peaceful. Reverent. 

"I already have."

There is a shorter pause.

"I know."

It would be over in an instant for another other than a Servant. Anyone other than Saber. Black Keys, fly out of Kotomine's sleeves even as the other figure, covered in a red shroud, throws an Azoth Dagger, charged with energy, at the priest. Both land their blows. The Dagger explodes, shattering through Kotomine's heart, leaving him to fall back into his chair, knocking down some of the animated chess pieces. One of the Keys misses the figure completely, but the other lodges itself into his chest. The figure falls to the floor. 

"You were right ..." the man whispers after a time, yanking the Key out of his body before it dematerializes. "You were getting slow in your old age ..." 

Emiya Shirou stands back up onto his feet and walks towards the desk like nothing had happened. Saber can see his profile, his back turned to her. She notices him move over to Kotomine's body. The dead priest's face still has a faint smile on its lips. She sees Shirou reach forward and close Kotomine Kirei's eyes. Then looks down at his hand and the Azoth Dagger, Tohsaka Rin's Dagger, materializes there again. He regards it and it vanishes back from whence it came.

Saber feels a mixture of anger, rage, and sadness. "You knew I was here."

He doesn't look at her. "I have my sources."

"No ..." Saber says, taking a step forward. "You _counted_ on me being here."

"Your presence does make Avalon heal me more efficiently." He begins looking through the desk, moving Kotomine's chair back so that he can open the drawer. "And I'm not powerful enough yet to have challenged Gilgamesh. The destruction of the Ritual's leylines bought you a little time." 

Saber feels this violent mixture of emotions implode and turn numb. "What are you doing?"

Emiya Shirou still doesn't look up at her as he riffles through some papers. "Freelance work. I needed to eliminate this Ritual. I had information on a traitor in the Church. I was sent here to deal with him. Quietly. As far as the Association knows, Kotomine Kirei will have sabotaged two Grail Wars and the leylines of Heaven's Feel itself. He manipulated the entire thing. Justice is done. This city, this land, the world will be safe." 

"No." Saber stalks forward and grabs Shirou's shoulder. She will not countenance this. Despite her better judgment, she cannot tolerate him not looking at her. At deliberately ignoring her. It's too much like how Kiritsugu used to treat her, and it hurts so much more coming from his son. "Why are you doing _this_ , Shirou?" 

Shirou finally looks up at Saber, and a part of her now wishes he hadn't. His red hair is going grey and his skin is darker. His shoulders have broadened out. He's not wearing ... his armour, but the shroud radiates magic. But it's his eyes. They were golden-brown once. They were full of life and idealism. Sometimes, they even tried to hide the pain warring in them. But they were always full of passion. Now they are almost grey. They look dull. Listless. They look like they are dead.

"Saber ..." He says. "I was a child during the War. I wanted to save everyone. But I couldn't. I can only save as many people as possible. Dad ... tried to tell me that. I didn't listen. I had to win the War. I did what had to be done."

"I ..." Saber looks away from him, taking her hand off of his shoulder. "I ... I failed you. Even here, I failed you."

"No. You are not my Saber." Emiya Shirou says. "And she didn't fail me either. I failed her. I was a pathetic Master. She died to the Shadow. To Sakura. Later, I found out that she was Zouken's puppet. And I let Tohsaka perform her duty."

Saber shakes her head. "You ... loved her."

Shirou doesn't seem to hear her. "She was a threat to the world. I would have done it myself, but it was Tohsaka's right. After that, Kotomine told me about the nature of the Grail. I finished the rest of the War, using him. But I knew I had to destroy the Grail at its source."

"You killed them, didn't you." Suddenly, Saber can't bear to look at him. "Illyasviel and Rin." 

"They were enemies. They would have unleashed Angra Mainyu on the world. I eliminated them. Afterwards, I trained with Kotomine. Gained contacts in the Church and the Association. Honing my tools. Kotomine taught me everything he could. The rest was inevitable." 

"This ..." Saber starts. "This ... isn't you."

Shirou goes back to finding papers and documents, placing them on the desk. "I know you are after something here, Saber. Take what you need and go. I will purify this place."

 _Erase evidence for your employers and against your story, you mean._ Saber shakes her head against that unfair thought, her vision suddenly wavering. "Shirou, please. You don't have to do this. Turn back. You can still make a better life. I know my wish was foolish. I should have valued the people that cared for me. People care for you, Shirou. Don't distance them. Don't do this."

"Saber." Her own title cuts through her like a knife. "I let Sakura die. I killed my sister. I killed Tohsaka. You ... Saber, died during the War. I just killed the only man who ever really knew me. And Ryuudou Issei." His eyes pierce right into hers. "He was my friend at Homurahara Gakuen. I killed him with his family the moment I augmented my old man's bombs. Turning back from any of this would make me a complete and utter hypocrite."

 _It would make his death have no meaning._ Saber grits her teeth. "Taiga misses you, I'm sure ..."

"Taiga has a memory charm on her. As far as she's considered, she never knew Emiya Shirou. No one here knows that Emiya Shirou ever existed except for the yazuka I still do business with. Trust me ... it's better this way." Shirou starts shuffling the papers together. 

"Shirou ..." Saber hears her voice wavering, but she doesn't care. "Please. Don't do this. You saved me. From myself. I ... I love you."

Emiya Shirou pockets the documents. He reaches down and closes the golden chessboard back up into itself. Then he walks over to Saber. For a few moments, in those grey eyes she thinks she sees a flicker of something. He holds out his hands. Saber takes them in her own.

"You should tell _him_ that." Saber looks down as Shirou lets go of her and sees the Chessboard of Gwenddoleu ap Ceidio in her hands. "You were a better Servant than I ever deserved. Thank you."

Saber bites down on her lip. She nods. She nods again. The next thing she knows, she's turning around. She's walking out of this awful Church, this terrible place, this other world where nothing makes sense ... but has all too much in the way of logic. Her quest is over. She can now return to ...

....

Emiya Shirou wakes up on the futon with Sakura at Tohsaka Manor. She is holding him, but he couldn't feel any more alone. What he saw was so vivid, more clear than his own returning senses. And he remembers it. All of it.

His hands, normally responsive in an on and off fashion, clench into fists. He can almost feel his face turning red. For the first time ever, lying there in the dark, dreaming the memories of his Servant, Emiya Shirou now fully understands just why Archer hated him so much. 

 

 

 


	16. Chapter 16

She feels him again.

It's as though every muscle in his form is bunched together, imploding into a deep empty core. Sakura feels Shirou shaking. She doesn't know what is happening. They'd been warned that there might be some body dysmorphia for a while: an alien and comfortable feeling of one's self not matching one's body, or perhaps like a phantom limb feeling magnified by an entire magnitude of being. But, somehow, this feels different. 

"Senpai." She whispers, tentatively. 

Shirou doesn't, or can't, respond. Sakura props herself on an elbow, and gently turns Shirou over to face her. She sees his face. His golden brown eyes, almost amber, look far away from deep hollows. His face is soaked in tears. Sakura's heart aches. Something turns inside of her. She takes both of her hands and holds them to Shirou's cheeks. She leans forward and kisses his tears, then licking them as she'd seen Rider do with hers. 

"It's ok, Senpai. I'm here. It was just a nightmare. Just a nightmare ..."

Slowly, some depth returns to Shirou's pupils. His shallow breaths calm into deeper ones. Then, amber eyes focus on hers. 

"Sa--Sak--Sakura?"

Sakura's heart leaps into her throat. "Senpai. You're ... you can speak again."

"...w-where ..." He turns his head left and right, almost bumping into Sakura's face. "Not ... we're not ... home ..."

"No. We are at ... we're at Neesan's." Even now Sakura can't bring herself to say it.

"... have to ..." Shirou shakes his head. "...have to go back ... home. Dad. Taiga ..."

Sakura keeps her hands on his face. "No, Senpai. Look at me. You're better now, but we need to stay here. We're safe."

"No ... no ..." Confusion feels his eyes. "I ... no. Left you ..." 

"Senpai, I don't understand."

Shirou shakes his head again. "No. I left Saber. Killed ... killed Rin."

Sakura's brow furrows. "No Senpai. Rin and ... Saber went on a mission. They are on their way back. They helped you."

"Illya ..." Tears run down Shirou's eyes. "Couldn't have ... and you ... my ... my Sakura ... How could I let you die?"

It's too much. Even after everything, after all the pain she's endured her entire life, seeing that heartbreak in his eyes, that deep soul pain, is too much for her. It's as though he's a thousand years old. It's almost the same look as the thousand yard stare she caught Archer having the few times they met. Sakura leans forward, bringing Shirou's face to hers, and kisses him. She feels his lips quiver under hers but then, almost as quickly, they open up and engulf her own. She drinks from him, deeply, tasting his breath and his scent. She pulls away from him, reluctantly, just to breathe. Her face is flushed. So is Shirou's. His eyes have softened, but simmered into something else. A deep hunger, and something more fills the core of her being. 

"Sakura." Shirou whispers. "We are ... we're ... at Tohsaka's."

"Yes, Senpai." She strokes his hair, trying to ignore her own burning flesh, the wetness dripping down from between her thighs. There are no crestworms. Why is this happening now. She looks away.

"You're ... you're safe." She feels a shaking hand touch her face. 

She takes his hand in her own and kisses it, holding it to her lips. "Yes, Senpai. You saved us. You saved us all."

Shirou's eyes grow wide. And, for the first time since they have possibly known each other, even carnally, she sees something form in his eyes. It's more tears, but at their centre, is a euphoric light. Sakura realizes that she is looking at what she's feeling right now. Unbearable, vulnerable, terrible, joy. 

Shirou's hands surround her body. He's kissing her. There is a hunger there, a deep drive. She feels her barriers melt away as her own desire matches his. Hands strip off pajamas. Mouths consume one another. Sakura isn't thinking about how dirty she is. She isn't feeling remorse, guilt, or a lack of self-worth. She's not wishing for death. Not about the worms, or Zouken, or even Shinji. She doesn't think about the pain, or the sadness or the strange feeling of being this place that she thought she'd never be again. All she can think about, right now, is that she wants Shirou. She wants him inside her right now. His eyes are burning into hers and somehow she is on top of him. She can feel how hard he is. Somehow, beyond magic and into something more older and more primordial, she can tell he's feeling unbearable: the desire to the point of pain.

"Yes, Senpai?" She says, grinding on him, kissing him. "Yes?"

Shirou groans, matching her mouth, tongue, lips, and teeth. "Y-yes. Yes. Please ..."

Sakura takes his painfully erect cock, slick with his and her fluids, and slips it inside of her. Her mouth opens and shuts. It hurts. It hurts so much, but it fills her. It stretches her out, every nerve ending on her entrance burning into her like awakened Magic Circuits. She can feel his length hitting the back of her, sliding up the spot above her near her core. She quivers. He is hot and flesh and need. 

There is nothing gentle about this. Sakura's hunger takes over, her brain burning as she grabs Shirou's hands and places them on her tingling breasts. She is riding him, sliding and jabbing him into her. She feels him throbbing faster and faster. He's groaning. All of that energy ... all of that mana that she absorbed for years, from the Grail, becoming the Grail, the raw power twisted into curses, flowing through her faster, and further and farther than she can see. It's too much. She feels him burning in her, under her, and sees a latticework of luminous patterns on his perspiring skin. 

"I ... I can't ..."

Sakura's pussy sucks on the length of him, driving him deeper, to the root as he spasms hard inside of her. His face bunches. It's almost though he's feeling tremendous discomfort. She feels the hot fluid splatter against her wall, into her contracting core. Her body takes over, gyrating hard and fast, and all that energy erupts from her. It is a torrent. She is distantly aware of splashing over his pelvis through several contractions. She screams and he shouts her name. Something is transferred. Release.

They lie together like that for a while: with Sakura still on top of Shirou, and Shirou still inside of her. She feels his essence and hers leaking out of her. There is a gentle glow in the pit of her stomach. Her body aches, but it feels good. Then she sees the glow across Shirou's body, his Magic Circuits awakening and then fading back into slumber. 

"... sorry ..." Shirou murmurs. "Too raw. Nerves ... Couldn't ... couldn't hold ..."

"No." She says quietly, kissing him on the mouth. "No. You did just fine. We both did. The bond between us is finished. I can give you more prana now. We are good, Senpai."

Shirou has a strange, almost befuddled look on his face. She wipes away some of the drool hanging out from his mouth. "S-sorry ..."

Then she sees it. That goofy grin. This makes her almost as happy as the release she has shared with him. Sakura can feel the beaming smile on her face. She leans down and wipes off his chin. "Oh, we made more of a mess than that, Senpai." She moves them to the side, and wraps her limbs around him. "Senpai ... I love you."

"I love you too, Sakura." 

Slowly, she feels him relax against her. Eventually, he softens inside of her as well. There will be a mess to clean up in the morning, different from the others. Sakura herself feels sleepy. She holds onto him for as long as she can. There will be time enough to do other things. For now, right now, they have each other. 


	17. Chapter 17

Emiya Shirou swings the shinai down again in his dojo, attempting to immerse himself back into Kendo. His clothes are already soaked in sweat and it feels like his whole body is burning. He swings the shinai down another time. Good. He is starting to feel this now. His biceps and shoulders almost ache with the strain of lactic acid. His Magic Circuits are burning, Shirou knows this much. But he isn't awakening them again. Not yet.

Shirou grits his teeth and swings another time. He squeezes his eyes shut. He's trying not to remember. There is only him right now. Him and the dojo and his house that his father left him. Sakura is safe at Tohsaka's Estate with Rider. It took him every inch of strength to get here. He barely turned on the facets of the sink in his own kitchen to pour himself a glass of water before beginning this training. Shirou is honest with himself, to a fault. He knows, right now, in this state he shouldn't dare practice his magic: his Reinforcement for starters. His body still feels too different. Despite what Tohsaka says, he is not a complete fool. 

He swings the shinai. But he's restless. He swings again. He realizes it's pointless to try not thinking about them anymore. He swings the shinai. He sees Illya lying in Rin's guestroom: still comatose after saving his life. He swings the shinai. He sees the Shadow consuming Saber in front of True Assassin and Matou Zouken, and having to fight her with Rider. He swings the shinai. He sees the look on Rin's face as he blocks her from killing her own sister. He swings the shinai.

And Sakura ...

Sakura ... 

He swings ...

"You stupid, stupid boy."

Shirou didn't even know he fell. In retrospect, he can feel the ragged breathing scraping out of his new lungs. He'd been staggering. This wasn't training. This was just a way out. He didn't see himself falling until Rider caught him. 

"I ... I ...." He tries, the words just not coming out.

"Sakura knew you'd try something like this. Rin said you were too weak. But she underestimated your stubbornness, didn't she?" Rider places Shirou on the ground and holds something to his mouth. "Drink. Now."

Shirou can feel the water at his lips. He drinks it, greedily. He had been sweating, but he had no idea he needed the water this badly. Rider moves it away from him, crouching down with his back on her thighs. Her masked face glowers at him. 

"You couldn't even sense your dehydration. You have bruises and cuts on your skin. I bet you didn't even feel them properly." Shirou opens his mouth. "Don't. I should kill you right now. You ungrateful boy. You get a little better. You share prana with my Master. And then you leave. You come back to a place that, for all you know, could have Association spies or familiars. Rin and Sakura told me all about them. I've even seem them on my rounds. You are so unbelievably lucky that Sakura came here, to this residence, and added more layers to the Bounded Field."

Shirou tries to speak, forcing his mouth to follow his mind. "T-that's how ..."

"No. One field told Sakura where you were. I followed you by scent. You were not subtle, but given that you are an invalid, it makes sense. But it doesn't excuse your stupidity or your complete and utter selfishness. You could have been caught by the Association. They might have used you to get to _us_! To reveal us. Did you ever think about _that_ , boy?"

"I ... I'm ..." Shirou tries, getting frustrated. "I'm ... sorry."

Shirou is breathing hard and feeling hot, bitter tears form in his eyes. He doesn't want to cry again. He hates it. He never did this before. Not like this. He doesn't want Rider to see. He looks away. Rider stares at him expressionlessly. She sighs and takes Shirou's face in her hands. Shirou feels small. And it isn't because she is a Servant and he is barely even a normal mortal human being anymore. Even without her eyes, he knows she can feel his shame.

"I won't kill you. Sakura would be ... irate." She looks down at him. "You feel useless now, don't you."

Rider sighs. "You don't want us to be hurt. That's why you ran away. You think they will just come after you, a survivor, and leave us alone. Or maybe, you don't think you deserve help. You think you can be better. Make yourself better and protect us. Throughout this entire War, you've been nothing but foolish. But you have a good heart. But this: this is cowardice. And it's beneath you."

Shirou nods. Rider shifts and sits underneath him, holding his prone form firmly. "You are having the dreams, aren't you."

Shirou grits his teeth, and tries to turn his head away. Rider has none of it. She keeps her hands on his face, making him look at her. He breathes in shakily. "Yes."

"You knew. Zouken told you what he did to her. What Matou Shinji did to her." Rider's voice grows soft. "I saw it too sometimes in spirit form. Or when we were together. I wanted to help her, boy. All of this has been for her. I would have killed her just to end her suffering, just to make sure she didn't become a monster, not like ..." She chuckles. "Is it that you can't handle feeling what she did? All those worms and vermin infesting her? Her brother raping her? Zouken trying to break her mind and turn her into a tool? All that violation?"

"... all that ... happened ..." Shirou says. "... and ... I never knew."

Rider is silent. Shirou gasps and forces himself to say it. "... wanted to be a Hero of Justice ... thought I was protecting her ... there ... She was there, my whole life. In this place. Serving meals with me for Taiga. Walking with me to school. Looking .... looking out for me ... And all that time, they ... they used her. And ... I never knew. I ..." Rage and despair war underneath his new skin. "I never asked."

"She wouldn't have told you if you did."

Shirou shakes his head. "Could've ... could've saved her ... done something, then. Anything ..."

"Do you know what would have happened, boy." 

Rider's unseen gaze burns into Shirou, commanding his attention far more than her strong hands on either side of his face. "You would have beaten the Matou boy. You would have his blood all over you. You know the authorities wouldn't take him. Not due to the mysteries of the Moonlit World. It would have killed you. It is not who you are. Then, you would have gone after Zouken. You would have faced him in his lair, in his territory, and he would have slowly and methodically obliterated you. He was an ancient mage with centuries of atrocities on his side. You were just a boy. And it would have been nothing but entertainment for him. And the worst part: is that he would have made Sakura watch you die. And it would have utterly destroyed her. Just as it did when Matou Kar--" She shakes her head.

"W-who?"

"I will let Sakura tell you that, if she is willing. And you are not to press her if she doesn't. She has suffered enough." She lifts him, coming to her feet, and begins to move. "Even with these reinforced wards, it's still too dangerous here for now. We must go back."

"... I don't want her to see my dreams."

Rider looks down at Shirou. Shirou is looking away from her. His jaw is rigid. Rider waits. 

"T-that's why ... I left. To ... make ... space. Maybe if ..." He sighs in frustration. "... the Fuyuki Fire ten years ago. Cursed fire and mud spread everywhere. People burned alive. Kept ... going. Abandoned them ... parents ... friends ... city ... self. Begged me to save them. To kill. Left them." Shirou starts shaking. "Mud and fire all over me. Then ... now ... body falling apart ... don't want her to feel that ... don't want _anyone_ to feel that, but not her. Not ... not Sakura ..." His lungs heave. "Was ... a coward. Am ... am one ..."

"No."

Rider stares at Shirou. Her expression makes her Breaker Gorgon look benevolent by comparison. "No. Silly boy. You were a child. You had no power there. It was not your fault. And after? You saved everyone. You saved us all. But you never did it alone. Your Servant saw your dreams. She knew. And Sakura is much stronger than you think. She has done things she is ashamed of as well."

"... could have ... could have let her die ..."

"But you didn't. And she could have killed you, but she didn't. You are just going to have to live with each other's forgiveness. You will just have to live with us, and that is not negotiable."

She puts a hand through his hair. "We are going to get you patched up. And then you are going to rest, in bed. After Sakura deals with you. And she has some words for you. You might wish I'd eaten you, boy."

Shirou's eyes widen. Rider seems to smirk at that reaction. "And the others are coming back too. And I'll not have that self-righteous hypocrite of a Saber rub this incident in my face. Or my Master's. Tomorrow, Sakura has her studies with the priest. You and the girl will be with me, outside. I will be reading. You do realize you interrupted my reading today, right?"

Shirou feels sheepish. He would hunch his shoulders if he could move. Rider chuckles. "Just for that, I think I'll read you my current library book. It's a nice romance novel. I'm sure you'll enjoy it, as you will have nothing better to do ... _resting_ , am I right?"  

"... t-thank you ... Rider." 

"Don't thank me yet, boy." Rider says as she carries him out of the dojo, and through the residence. "It's a Harlequin novel. They are quite the bodice-rippers. That's what you get for running away. " 

Shirou makes a strangled sound in his throat, and he can swear that Rider's smirk has grown a little wider. 


	18. Chapter 18

It had been a cramped quarters flight and a long journey home, but Rin doesn't mind. She is still attempting to rebuild her family's finances after Kirei's oddly specific bungling of them, despite -- especially _despite_ \-- her ongoing and tedious negotiations with the Edelfelt Family heir. She may well have to kill Luviagelita one day, if only on principle if not for anything else if the girl didn't give her some leeway being Zelretch's apprentice. But with Saber beside her, Rin only felt marginally annoyed. 

The cab pulls up to her house and Saber pays the driver his yen. Rin looks at Saber and then away, hoping her face doesn't match the colour of her garb. At first, she thought it was Emiya's borderline incompetence as a magus that made it so that Saber couldn't change into spirit form, but now she realizes it is something entirely different. Saber just didn't dematerialize: not unless she had a Command Seal used on her back in the day. Back during the War, and even to some extent now, this can be seen as a major disadvantage, but between her experiences with Shirou and ... Archer, she saw Saber as a person and she, for one, somehow enjoys her physical proximity. 

Saber takes their bags, though specifically Rin's luggage as the Servant -- even now -- barely packs anything for herself. A part of Rin is glad that Saber's Noble Phantasms, being magical in nature, do not set off metal detectors and with some enchantments on her part, could not even be seen. But this thought is a distraction from the pit in Rin's stomach. 

"Rin?"

The Tohsaka magus blinks, looking back at Saber's inquiring glance. The Servant herself looks relatively refreshed, but Rin can see past that face of party-manners and know she is probably feeling just as nervous, if not more so. 

"You know, Saber, we were on the phone with them." Or rather, Saber was as Rin still has issues operating anything more complicated than a rotary dial phone. But Lord El-Mellioi the Second and then Sakura, of all people, insisted she carry a cellphone now, and it didn't help -- or did help -- that Saber chimed into this technological pragmatism. "He's doing better. And even Illyasviel is showing signs of waking up. The lazy brat ..." 

"I know." Saber smiles, but Rin can tell it's more for her benefit than from anything genuine. "I am pleased to know that they are doing well."

Rin makes a disgusted raspberry. "The dummy'll be glad to see you. Don't worry." 

"I wasn't  ..."

Rin arches an eyebrow. Saber sighs, moving aside to let Rin unlock the door. 

"Sakura! Rider! We're --"

Rin shrieks as Emiya Shirou opens the door. "C-come in .... Tohsaka ..."

The Tohsaka magus splutters. "Emiya-kun, you scared me! How dare you I  ..." The flustered anger inside her changes into something bordering on fascination and concern. "Wow ... you really _are_ doing well." 

"Shirou." Saber says, her eyes wide and her words quiet.

The two women look at the young man. He is taller now. Rin is sure of it. Whether this is the result of the puppet body, the application of the Third Magic, or something else is a whole other story. He is wearing a dark yukata, pants, and obi. Sakura or Rider must have gone back to his residence in order to get it. He has hair now. And his eyes are the same familiar gold amber he has always had. They look clearer now, though he is blinking a lot. 

"S-Saber ..." Shirou smiles and something inside of Rin, something she can't really name, twists at that large, honest, beaming expression. She can already feel more than see Saber reacting in a similar way. He reaches out a hand, bending down. "Let-let me take those for you ..."

"Hell no!" Rin explodes. Both Saber and Shirou look at her. She realizes what she said, and that she is grabbing his hand. She shakes her head angrily, at him, and at her reaction. "Not after that stunt you pulled, going back to your house! Don't think Sakura didn't tell me about that."

"I have to agree with Rin, Shirou." Saber says, her mixed feelings giving way to a stern expression, that of a protector. "You could have greatly endangered yourself." 

"And after everything we went through to bring your sorry ass back from the dead!" Rin is examining Shirou's hand, looking at the pulsing of its veins and the movements of its tendons. "At least your motor coordination seems better ..."

"You could at least close the door first."

Saber and Rin look back to see Rider closing the door, followed not long after by Sakura running in to put an arm around Shirou. 

Saber's face turns red. "My apologies ..."

Rider walks past Saber and Rin, back to Shirou and Sakura. "Come on, Sakura. You can say hello to your sister." She looks at Shirou and somehow manages, again, to glare without having her eyes visible whatsoever. "I am going to take this boy back to bed. Where I left him. Right, boy?"

Shirou opens his mouth. Then shuts it. He nods once. The three other women watch as Shirou, without protest, lets Rider left him into her arms and carry him upstairs. Saber is about to move forward, but Rin puts a hand on her arm. Magus and Servant exchange a look. It is so obvious what Saber is feeling right now, to Rin. She'd have to be utterly moronic to think that Rin wouldn't notice, or indeed anyone with half a brain -- besides Shirou -- wouldn't either. 

"I'm sorry, Neesan. Saber." Sakura bows her head. "He's been working himself again. He was actually supposed to be resting. We even let him stay in the same room as Illyasviel. I was busy getting the documents from the Father. The ones you told me to retrieve, Neesan."

"It's all right, Sakura." Rin grabs her sister and holds her, tightly. "I've missed you."

She feels Sakura stiffen. Years of neglect and abuse have conditioned her, making her unsure of how to process contact of this kind. It hurts Rin's heart. _At least she has the idiot to help her. I know she lets him touch her._ She thinks about Shirou and her sister, and shakes her head as Sakura's arms hold her in return. So many more hugs like these, starting from the one near the Grail System. She vowed to make each one of them better. She doesn't want to hurt her sister anymore, but she knows she shouldn't promises she can't keep. It's part of the reason she had her get those documents from the priest. It's something that she has to confirm. It's something that they both have to confirm. But one thing at a time. 

"It's ok Saber." Rin says, still holding her sister against her. _No one and nothing is taking her from me again_. "You can go up, put the bags down, and take a shower. You can visit him and the brat after. But please don't start a Holy Grail War with Rider over it, all right?"

Saber looks at the two of them. Sakura looks away, which prompts Saber to do the same. Rin sighs. There is still a lot to deal with. "Thank you Rin. Sakura. I will see you later."

"Ok, Saber." Sakura says, in a small voice of her own. "Dinner will be ready soon. I'm sure you and Neesan are both very hungry."

There is a growling in the room. Saber's face turns crimson. She nods and heads up the stairs, leaving the two sisters behind her. Sakura sighs and walks towards the kitchen. After taking off her shoes, Rin follows. "Do you need any help?"

Sakura leans over a pot of delicious-smelling broth with a ladle. "No, Neesan. Senpai, well, tried to help but after ..."

"I see." Rin shakes her head. "And here I thought his motor coordination had improved."

"Oh no! It has. A lot. There is no comparison. It's just, sometimes Senpai, well you can see he's not ..." 

"Yeah. He's still struggling with words. But he is aware. It will just be like dealing with a young stroke victim, Sakura. But the emphasis there is on, well, young. He can still recover. He is recovering. Honestly, most people in his position would be either dead, or wheelchair bound." Rin sits down at the table, finds a fruit in a basket and starts eating it. "Is he still having the pains?"

A sad look comes on Sakura's face. "Yes. He ... he tries not to have anyone see him. But before, in the kitchen, he was having another one."

Rin slowly blows air out of her lips after taking a bite of the apple. "Phantom body experience must be extremely painful. All of those lost nerve endings, bone, and tissue. His self." She gives her sister a measuring look. "Have the prana transfers been helping him?"

Sakura almost drops the ladle. "I-I ..."

"Come on, Sakura. I know the two of you have been intimate. Even during the War. Is the piece of Crest I put on the two of you facilitating the energy? It's ok, Sakura."

"Y-yes Neesan!" Sakura splutters. "It's working fine. There's no need to get so ... explicit about it."

Rin's eyes widen at her sister's response. Then she smirks. "Oh come on, Sakura. We're, neither of us, prudes. It's a natural function. It alleviates you and keeps Shirou stable. Don't tell me Rider's getting jealous?"

Sakura glares at Rin. The Tohsaka magus can't believe it. Is this what it's like to tease a younger sibling? Rin begins to laugh. "Oh, you just look so silly right now."

"You know, Neesan, I am making your food."

"Oho ... that's rich! You are actually threatening me now?"

Sakura sees the ladle she's brandishing in front of her sister and suddenly looks abashed. Then the two look at each other and start to laugh. They laugh until they slouch down onto the floor to the point of tears. "God ... I can only imagine w-what you threatened E-emiya-kun with when he made his Great Escape ..."

After more laughter, the two sisters quiet down. Rin's foot taps against Sakura's. All those missing years gather in that space between them on that kitchen floor. 

"Sakura ... I might ... know of some ways that could make Shirou feel better."

Sakura looks up at her, from where their feet touch. "... what exactly are you saying Neesan?"

"Well ..." Suddenly, it is Rin's turn to feel abashed. "There are some usual rituals. Tantric rites ..." Seeing Sakura's eyebrows skyrocket almost to her forehead, she gasps. "Oh no. Not like that Sakura. I mean I can show you the books and scrolls. They will help with prana and Od flow. Damn, I mean teach you how to harness your Circuits and channel that energy. It's not something that priest would teach you, and ... I wouldn't teach you like that ..." 

Then Sakura smiles, and Rin begins to feel like she's been had. "You little brat. You deliberately ..."

Sakura's smile stops her. "So this is teasing?"

"Yeah." Rin says, with something akin to mock glumness. "Guess we missed out on that." 

"Making up for lost time." Sakura shakes her head and turns away. "You know ... it's almost a pity. You showed me so much. If only you could show Senp ..."

Sakura's face burns red. Rin's eyes widen in turn. She feels something ... odd about that image. "What ... are you exactly saying, Sakura?"

Sakura shakes her head. "It's just that you are a better magus than I am. Even with all this ... power. You could help him so much more."

Rin thinks about something, about warm amber eyes, and then immediately stops. No. Not like that. It's her sister's happiness. "Sakura ..." Rin reaches over and squeezes Sakura's foot. "You are underselling yourself. We will make you a worthy magus yet. You have already come so far. And you are more than helping Shirou. These pains of his are not your fault. You know that right?"

"I know. I just ... I feel so helpless." 

"It will be all right, Sakura." Rin says. "Those texts will help you. I will show them to you and you can ask me anything. Hell, I ..." She looks away. "I think you might already know more than me."

Sakura gives her a scrutinizing look. "Wait. Neesan. Are you ... saying ..."

"Shut up."

"You ... haven't."

"Silly." Rin huffs at her. "Between Zelretch and taking care of you, I haven't had time for anything like that. Anything beyond the mystical and theoretical."

"What about Saber?"

"What about her?"

Sakura gives her a knowing look. Rin blinks, then sighs. "No. It's not like that." 

"But you wish it was."

Rin doesn't say anything. Sakura shakes her head. "Not even Archer, huh?"

In a low, quiet voice, Rin replies. "I wish we had."

The two sisters look up at each other, then down, then up again. The awkwardness of the situation holds for a few moments. Sakura pulls herself over to her sister's side. She looks down and takes Rin's hand. Rin looks up into Sakura's face. The younger sister leans on Rin, putting her head on her shoulder. "I just want you to be happy, Neesan." She murmurs. "I'm just glad that you are home."

Rin puts an arm around her younger sister and holds her close. She sees the faded ribbon she made her so many years ago draped on her shoulder. "Me too, Sakura." She says, looking past the kitchen, to another place, and another time, and other people. "Me too." 


	19. Chapter 19

Saber scrubs her skin vigorously under the shower head. Her lithe, toned body's skin flushes pink under the hot water. She combs her hair back from her face, the blonde strands plastered to her forehead and almost right over her eyes, in order to see again. It's not quite as brusque as the other times she has had to bathe throughout her lifetime. Saber distinctly recalls cleaning dirt and blood off of her armour, and skin in a stream: her real form protected by only her most loyal of knights from prying eyes. The king was supposed to be beyond human, never mind gender. 

Now though ...

Saber reluctantly turns off the facet. There isn't nearly enough water in the world that will make her feel clean again, even now. 

She moves the shower curtain aside, carefully moving one foot after the other out of the porcelain tub. She blinks as she realizes that no one is there. And by no one, she thinks of ...

 _The look of shock in his amber-brown eyes as he walks in on her bathing in the tub. She doesn't understand why he's turning so red to match his hair. Is it perhaps too hot in the bathroom? It is bathing, after all. She can't change into spirit form and she needs to maintain herself as if she is a human being: a person. She only understood, intellectually and for political and ceremonial reasons, why it wouldn't do for her people and her enemies -- sometimes both -- to know who and what she really is. But Shirou is her Master. And she is a Servant. Magi have different understandings of morality, and she isn't human anymore._   _So why not just bathe here with her ..._

_"You were a better Servant than I deserved ..."_

A hitch claws at her lungs. Somehow, though it has been a while, even after everything not having Shirou walk on her in the bathroom feels ... off. It is a strange, weird thought. She understood he believed he walked in on her privacy, into her space. But she had done it to him before as well, even so far as sleeping on the same mattress with him. He was concerned about what others thought, what Taiga would do never mind that she was staying with him at the Emiya residence, but she needed to be close to him in case he was danger from an enemy Servant or Master, to keep the connection between them strong.

In case he needed her.

Saber thinks about Shirou coming to the door of Rin's house in his black yukata and tries not to think about the other Shirou she saw with the cold, dead eyes in a vestment similar to that of Archer: probably his payment for eliminating all evidence of the Church's complicity in the ruin of the Grail Ritual in that reality. Saber puts on a fresh white blouse and skirt given to her by Rin. She towels her short hair while looking at Excalibur inside of Avalon. 

Her sheathe. She wonders when, exactly, she started thinking of Shirou as such and whether or not that is fair, or right of her.

She takes them with her. She may not be worthy of them after what she did with Sakura, but they are her burden and responsibility to bear. She will not dishonour them, or her Masters again. Not if she can help it. And, right now, she is remiss in dealing with one of them. 

Shirou.

Saber finds the room easily enough. It's Illyasviel's room. The imperfect application of the Third Magic, according to how Rin explained it to them all, must have been draining to the homunculus daughter of Irisviel and Kiritsugu. She hesitates at the door. Inside that room are the two people she failed the most. But even if cowardice is an option, which it is not in Saber's world view, the door is open and she can see inside. Moreover, she can hear what is already going on. 

Illyasviel is lying in the guest bed. She's pale and small, but Saber can see she's breathing regularly. There is even a flush to her cheeks now. The energy of the Earth must be regenerating her from her powerful feat of True Magic. And the recipient of that miracle is lying on the floor in a futon. Shirou's eyes are closed. It's as though he brought all of that energy into moving and answering the door and now it's gone. It strikes Saber, now, seeing him in his body -- in a body that doesn't look so obviously artificial anymore -- just how young and vulnerable he really is. How innocent. But she knows better. She's seen his dreams even before this moment. If Sakura has made a contract with him like a Servant, she can only imagine ...

"Some men give up their designs when they have almost reached the goal."

She also notices Rider in the room. Rider is holding on a book in front of her. It has an old cover. There is some writing on it. The knowledge of the Throne of Heroes tells Saber that it is ancient Greek, which makes sense given who its reader is. But that's not what she's noticing.

"While others, on the contrary, obtain a victory by exerting, at the last moment ..."

Rider is reading aloud. She is sitting cross-legged on the floor. Shirou's head is propped on her lap. 

"... more vigorous efforts than ever before." 

Saber doesn't know what she's feeling when she sees that Rider is stroking Shirou's hair with one free hand. It is almost an absent gesture, as though she's not even consciously aware of doing it while she reads. Rider looks up with her sightless eyes through her mask. The two Servants regard one another silently for a few moments. Saber isn't angry. She was angry at the other Servant before, or felt something akin to it, but looking at Shirou and seeing him sleeping, not in the pain she heard he was experiencing after gaining his new body, tempered ... whatever this feeling is. Rider looks down at Shirou as she gently removes her hand and closes the book. 

"It's Herodotus' _Histories_ in case you were wondering."

Saber nods. "An ancient Greek tome of tales. We didn't have it in Camelot. Or Britain."

"Indeed. Britain was in a Dark Age. It took ages for the Irish monks to translate their knowledge from Latin. And even more time for scholarship of the Islamic Middle East to come to Britain again, a former Roman Province." 

Saber hopes her eyes aren't widening as the other places the book down and carefully moves Shirou's head onto his pillow. She isn't sure whether to take offense to her reign being associated with the Dark Ages or be astonished by the erudition coming from the other Servant. "You know much for ..."

Rider shakes her head. "I read a lot. I find that the knowledge from the Throne is more of a palimpsest: an outline of the basic points. Meaning and nuance is lost in that translation, somewhere." She stretches out his long legs and rises her to her feet. "I decided to take pity on the boy. Until recently, he'd actually been behaving himself so I decided to forgo the romance novels."

Saber blinks. "You mean you have been reading poetry of courtly love to my Master?"

Rider smirks. "Something like that."

Saber doesn't know what to think about this. "Well ... that quote from ... Herodotus, correct? It suits Shirou well."

"Indeed." Rider says. "I'd say it sums up his entire character, really. Herodotus may have come from the same woman-hating culture I did, long after me, but sometimes he records wisdom, or at least quaint little observations about humanity in the remnants of the Age of Gods." She walks past Saber. "You should spend some time with the boy. He had another tough night. Sakura and I have been talking about helping him, but right now he probably needs your presence."

Saber feels herself frowning. "My ..."

Rider smirks again. "The boy is tired. Sakura is stabilizing him as best she can, but he needs to rest. I will be attending to her tonight. You can watch him now, after dinner."

Saber thinks about what Rider said for a few moments. "You mean ..."

Rider walks to the door. "The boy isn't the only one that needs prana infusions, Saber."

Saber feels her brow crease as she understands. "I see. Well ..." She sighs. "Rider?"

The other Servant pauses at the doorway. 

Saber forces herself to look at her. "Thank you ... thank you for taking care of my Master."

Rider turns to look at her over her shoulder. "It wasn't for you. Not even him."

"For your Master. I understand." A smile quirks at Saber's mouth. "I will do my part now."

"Good. The boy's a handful. It is about time you take back your responsibilities."

This comment would have rankled Saber once, especially from Rider. But she takes it in stride. She understands where it comes from. "He isn't a boy anymore, Rider. After everything he's done, for us, Shirou is a man. A good man." 

Rider pauses. Then, Saber swears she can hear her make a noise. A chuckle?

"Yes. I suppose he is. I wonder ... what would have happened if instead of Perseus ..." She shakes her lavender-coloured hair. "I will see you downstairs soon. And ... you're welcome."

Saber nods as Rider leaves the room. As the door closes behind the other Servant, Saber crouches down and looks at Shirou. There are hollows under his eyes. He looks wan and exhausted. Saber barely notices that her stomach isn't growling anymore. There is still time. The Servant moves over to Shirou. She reaches out a hand to his face. Then she retracts it. She looks down at her hand. Saber reaches down and takes Avalon and Excalibur and places them to the side. She crosses her legs under her. Shirou's arms are out of his blankets. 

Saber relaxes into a meditative pose, even as her hand reaches out and holds Shirou's own. 


	20. Chapter 20

Sakura comes to the door. She raises her hand to the wood, but lowers it. She wanted Rin to go get Saber, but she and Rider insisted on setting the plates. Rin said something to the effect of telling her that she can't avoid the other Servant forever. And, for the first time, Rider didn't come to her defense. She said nothing at all, in fact, except to tell her that they would be all right on their own and that they would be done by the time she got back. Sakura sighs and steels herself. 

"Saber?" She asks in a quiet voice. "Saber, dinner is ready."

"... come in, Sakura."

Sakura hesitates and then turns the door knob. She finds Saber cross-legged on the floor. It would almost be like she was meditating before beginning to train in the dojo except for the fact that she has her hand on her Senpai's. Sakura feels a jagged flash of jealousy before it fizzles away into shame. 

"I-I ..." Sakura looks away. "I was just saying that dinner is ready. You can come down anytime you want." 

Saber regards Sakura, then Shirou, and removes her hand from the young man. 

"No." Sakura says, hurriedly. "No no. You don't need to rush. I know you've been looking forward to being with Senpai for a while. Whenever you're ready."

A look of uncertainty enters Saber's green eyes. It's strange that Sakura never noticed it before. Sometimes Saber's eyes bordered on blue or at least aquamarine, not unlike her sister's. But they were always green. A deep green like the depths of a lake or the dark pines of a forest. But not golden yellow, not since ...

"Are you sure?" Saber says, her own voice subdued. "Are you ... all right with that?"

Sakura lets out a slow breath and tries not to hunch into herself. Old habits die hard. "Yes, Saber. You are Senpai's Servant. You are important to him. I wouldn't take ..." Her voice hitches in her throat as she recognizes the incredible hypocrisy of what she was about to say.

"Sakura." Saber indicates a hand. "Please, sit. I need to talk to you about something."

Sakura's heart hammers in a throat that has suddenly, but steadily gone dry. Saber reaches up one hand. It takes Sakura a few moments to realize what it means. Slowly, even more hesitantly than she had at the door, Sakura takes Saber's hand and sits down next to her. The two of them watch Shirou as he slumbers. Saber's face looks weary and Sakura already knows that her own facial expression is that of tight anxiety. She can hear her pulse beating at her temple. 

"Matou Sakura, I ..." Saber's voice breaks off.

"It's all right, Saber." Sakura says. "I understand if you hate me. I hate myself even more." 

"No." Sakura feels Saber grab her hand and turn her to look at her. The Servant's face is steely and determined. It's as though she is looking at the king that she actually is. "It is not your fault. Anyone else would have broken after what was done to you."

Sakura feels a sad smile form on her face. "That's what Rider and Neesan say." 

"They are right. And while Shirou would no doubt tell you to take responsibility, for your own actions, I think he would agree. I'm the one that is sorry."

"Y-you'e ..." Sakura pauses. "You're ... sorry, Saber? But ... I don't understand ..."

"You apologized to me, and asked for forgiveness. And ... I tried to give that to you. And I meant it. But I ... I couldn't take prana from you."

"Saber ..."

"No. You tried to do the right thing. I ..." Saber shakes her head, in self-disgust, a gesture Sakura was more than passingly familiar with herself. "I would have vanished if it hadn't been for Rin. And I would have left Shirou here, alone, after everything I had done. You know ... Rin and I are doing work for the Kaleidoscope ..."

"Yes." Sakura answers. "I mean, Neesan told me about Lord Zelretch. But she didn't go into many details. You've ... you've been going to parallel worlds?"

"Something along those lines, yes." Saber nods. 

Sakura follows Saber's gaze back to Shirou. "You saw Senpai in those other worlds."

She feels Saber shudder. Saber isn't looking at Sakura anymore. She isn't even looking at Shirou. When she speaks again, her voice is low.

"He killed me in one of those timelines."

Sakura's eyes widen. "He ...? Senpai ..."

"Actually, he killed me in a few of them. There were some where I killed him ... perhaps even more. But for some reason, that damnable vampire sent me to those places and times almost _after_ the fact every time." Sakura can hear the Servant gritting her teeth. "Once, I met Shirou after he killed me. I regenerated. He was preserved, just an empty husk as darkness ruled the entire world. Even then, you couldn't let go of him." She shakes her head. "Not you personally, here now, but the other Sakura." 

A chill crystallizes down Sakura's spine. _The other Sakura ..._ the one she never wants to be again. She would rather die than become like that again. 

"But there was another time. Another place. He won. He saved you. I came in and saw him passing through Fuyuki City. He ... when he saw me, he collapsed." Saber's voice is almost a monotone. "I met the Rider of that world. She told me that the two of them had beaten me under the cavern, but instead of ... saving me, Shirou used the Azoth dagger. She told me that he must have switched off all the parts of his mind that thought about me, and seeing me again ... I had to leave that Shirou too."

"Saber ..." Sakura says after a while. "I-it wasn't you ..."

"I know, but it still hurts. I wish he had killed me, sometimes. It would be more merciful than this pain. And the worst part is, I know he can probably feel it too. When he sleeps." Saber sighs. "Tell me, Sakura, have you been dreaming Shirou's memories yet?"

Sakura looks down and finds she can't say anything. The fires, the dark muck, all those burning people, all those sacrifices, the destruction of a self ... seeing him see her cackling in the same mud that took everything from him. 

"I see." Saber stares at Shirou and puts her hand on his again. "I suspect he's always seen mine. I know he will see what I have seen and experienced, especially when I let the darkness win. I failed myself then. I failed him."

"... w-when ..." Sakura starts, then remembers to breathe. "When I was ... _her_. When I was me. I was so angry. I was ... I was ..." Tears brim in her eyes. "I was going to kill him. I already hurt him, and I was going to kill my Senpai. I ... I would never have forgiven myself, Saber. Not if the entire world ended." She gasps, shuddering hard. "And I know ... I know I killed him in other worlds. I don't need you to even tell me that. I'm a terrible person. The worst ... isn't that he saw me ... raped. Every day. Or that he accepts that and still loves me ... it's that he knows ... he knows I was going to kill him ... after everything he did for me. He ..." 

She feels herself get drawn into strong arms. It takes Sakura even more time to realize that Saber is holding her in a tight embrace. Sakura begins crying. She clutches Saber for dear life. A part of her mind thinks about how small Saber is, even compared to her. But the other holds her and she feels her also shaking. 

"I-I'm sorry, Saber. I-I'm so sorry ..."

"Me too, Sakura. You are the only one I've told this to. Even Rin ... only thinks it was the one time." 

"S-Saber." She moves her head to look at the Servant. She can see tears in the other's eyes. "I think ... maybe ... Zelretch may have sent you there, to all those places, to show you what you didn't do. And what didn't happen. Maybe even other things. I think it's cruel but, honestly, you are here now. And ... so am I." She puts a hand down on her Senpai's forehead. "And so is he. I-I meant what I said before. If you want to spend time with Senpai, to be with him ... I ... understand."

Saber closes her eyes and smiles. "I think ... I know you do, Sakura. Rider said as much."

Sakura lets this process for a few moments. "What ... did she tell you?"

Saber shrugs. "She was fairly crass about it, but not sordid. What goes on between a Master and a Servant is their business. Shirou and I were different ..."

Sakura shakes her head, ready to give Rider more than a few words later. _Shirou and I were different ..._ Sakura smiles at Saber. "I just want him to be happy. To be really happy."

Saber smiles. "I know."

"And ... I want you to be happy too, Saber." 

Saber looks down at Shirou again for a few moments, her hand on his and Sakura's other hand on his head. "I ... I don't know what to say. I feel somewhat, awkward, discussing these matters while my Master is asleep."

"Well, Neesan would probably say he has very little say in the matter." Sakura chuckles. "But we will get to that if, or when we do."

"... fair enough." 

Suddenly, an ominous growl like that of an immense dragon fills the room. Saber looks down at her stomach. Her face turns extremely red. 

"I think though, right now, that we have another monster to slay, wouldn't you say, Saber-san?"

Saber nods, her face still flushed crimson as the two of them stand up and walk out of the room to dinner. 


	21. Chapter 21

Rider hears the faint chine of dishes and glasses being set on the table in the dining room. She can smell Tohsaka Rin: the sweat from being crammed in an airplane and a taxi cab, her growing hunger for food, and even some anxiety. But more than anything, at this moment, she feels the mage's eyes on her back. 

"You know," Rider says, turning with another dish as she exits the kitchen into the dining room, "it's not very polite to stare."

"Ack!" Rider smirks. She can't help it. Taking the magus off-guard amuses her. She can see why Archer delighted in doing so himself. She can hear Rin shift, trying and failing to look a lot more casual. "Is that another application of your Mystic Eyes? Aside from turning people into stone?"

"We've gone over this, girl." Rider replies, moving a strand of her pale lavender hair back from her face. "I seal my Eyes, and my eyesight. I perceive you through magical use, sound, smell ... and touch. Not to mention intuition. After all, haven't you felt eyes on the back of your neck before?"

She hears the magus clear her throat, warring between embarrassment and a mid-retort that didn't quite reach her mouth. Rider knows Rin can't see the small grin on her face. This is really too much fun. She's had to rebuke Saber before, and that has its own fun. And embarrassing the boy ... Shirou, has its benefits as well, though considering his current condition nowadays it isn't entirely fair of her. But for some reason, playing with Tohsaka Rin has a whole other kind of flavour to it. So sure of herself, or sure of thinking that she is making others believe she is sure of herself. There is just something to taking her down a peg or two, in moderation, that makes a bit of Rider's day whenever the magus comes home. 

"I was actually going to talk with you about that."

"Hm." Rider turns around. She remembers enough of her sight to know that facing your conversationalist lets them know that you are giving them your full attention. "Well, we both know that Sakura and Saber won't be down, at least for a few minutes."

"About freaking time too." Rin mutters. "Seriously, Saber can be so stubborn sometimes."

"Well, you know the old saying." Rider says.

She can smell the irritation rising off of the magus. "And what old saying is that?"

"Well, your Archer. Your Archer who might become the boy. Then Saber. You are a prodigy. I'll let your deductive reasoning reach its natural conclusions."

"... you know, I was going to be nice and help you. But ... and, what the hell Rider? I thought you and Saber were constantly at each other's throats? Now you're helping her?"

"Correction. I know that my Master and Saber, as they love the same man and will as such be spending much time together in the same space, need the time to negotiate." She hears the spluttering already happen from the other, the amount of which is impressive given that Rin hasn't drunk anything. "I'm sorry, did I steal your thunder?"

"... I was just slowly nudging those two into talking again, and realizing they're going to have to work together on that!" Rin snaps. "I love Sakura, but ..."

"...she's almost as stubborn as you? When will you talk to Shirou, instead of poking and prodding at him?"

The long, sullen silence is almost an answer in and of itself. "Shirou's Sakura's responsibility. And his Servant's."

"You mean, your Servant. The last I recall, you feed her prana too. Are you still giving her your Gems."

Rider's lips quirk again at the snort coming from Rin. "No. I don't have to give her any more of my Gems. It's set now. And Emiya will just have to get used to the fact that we share the same Servant!"

Rider nods, letting it go but still amused at the transparent way Rin attempted to side-step the subject. "As for Saber, I don't hate her. She just needed to recognize some responsibility. For her Master's sake. For _my_ Master's sake. It's all relational. Most of the hostility was one-sided."

"Right." A chair scrapes on the floor as Rin sits down. "So, are you reading to Shirou and Illyasviel with braille books, Rider?"

Rider shrugs, sensing that Rin is about to get to the point. "It was difficult to find _The Histories_ in braille, in ancient Greek, in this country. But I made do."

"I'm sure you did." 

"Oh." Rider inclines her head. "And what exactly are you insinuating with that tone of voice, Tohsaka Rin?"

"I ..." The other sighs. "Just that you probably have more than just _The Histories_." 

"Just so." Rider hears something contact the table softly. She walks over. "Is that for me?"

 "Yeah." The other's voice gains a studied nonchalance. "From the same place we got Shirou's new body. It took a while, but not nearly as long as that. I guess having a troll of a vampire for a teacher has its perks."

"Calling someone two different monster species in one sentence." Rider's fingers trace the wooden box and its smoothed out edges. "You must really respect him."

Rider sits down and continues tracing her fingers across the small box. She feels the vibrations of the chair across from hers as Rin fidgets. As she watches her. 

"... well? Aren't you going to open it?"

"I'm patient." Rider says, finding the opening to the box. "What is this gift exactly?"

"Well ..." Rin's voice trails off. "It's easy for Saber to blend in, believe it or not. A suit or a blouse, or a ... dress ..." 

"A dress, is it?" 

"Be-be quiet, you!" Rin manages to splutter again. Rider smiles at the new scent in the air. "But you, well, you can wear normal clothing. But those eyes ... your mask is there to make sure nothing goes wrong ... for everyone else. But the way I figure it, you can go outside at all times, not just night. And ..."

"All I would need is something smaller, to seal my Eyes and a walking stick." Rider muses. "Or do you think there is something wrong with being blind, girl?"

"... oh, don't turn that around on me."

"Well. You did talk about me 'passing,' just now." Rider holds up a hand. "No, I apologize. I am merely teasing you."

"D-damn right!" The irritability returns to Rin's voice with an edge of ire. "And why be blind when you don't have to be?" 

"Hm." Rider purses her lips and slowly opens the box with both hands. "So tell me, how does it work?"

"They are ... glasses." Rider finds the object. She can feel the metallic rims, and the glass held in both sockets. "They act like your Breaker Gorgon does, but the glass in them is magically treated. It refracts your gaze differently than a mirror does. I know how much you hate mirrors." Rider's lips quirk again as she fingers the long stems attached to the frames and lenses. "It won't blind you, and it won't kill any of us. A pretty fair trade, I would say."

"And you know they work?" Rider says, unfolding the stems, finding the bridge and picking them up. 

"Not personally. But the creator of these has a friend who ... needed them almost as badly as you. And they worked. Are you going to put them on or not?"

"Are you that eager to see my eyes, girl?"

"... n-now wait a ..."

"Well." Rider turns away and takes off her mask. "You might want to look away in the meantime. Can't be too safe now, can we?"

The familiar blackness disappears. It is all blurry at first. Admittedly, Rider feels a little disoriented. Light. Textures. She blinks. She blinks again. Colours now. Depth. She sees the table, the place mats, chairs, plates, glasses, food, and Tohsaka Rin. The girl is looking away from her. She even has a hand up near her face, as though to ward her off. Rider smiles. She is about the same size as her sister, as her Master. But she has dark hair. Her eyes are blue. She is all dressed in red and has ponytails. She's ... not as well-endowed as Sakura, but she has a slender, wiry form and a fierceness that her sister lacks: or at least isn't always apparent. Rider's assumptions are proven correct. Tohsaka Rin looks like a young woman who is used to looking like she is poised and control, but when you take away the formality and the usual interaction you get a person who is overly cautious and emotional.

Rin turns and looks at her. Rider can see the girl's mouth hang open. 

"Ah." Rider says. "I see they are working. My ..." She regards Rin. "Usually, my eyes turn men hard. I never knew they could make people _wet_ as well."

Rin's face turns a delightfully shade of red matching, and even surpassing her clothing. Her lovely blue eyes are twitching icy slits. "How dare ... even Archer didn't have the utter temerity ..."

"Honestly, I'm sure he was thinking it too." Rider waves her off. "You know, you could have just had an agent deliver these."

".,. you ..." Rin sighs, still glaring and ... staring at Rider. "I couldn't risk it. Even with the Lord Second's and El-Melloi's contacts. Besides, I was already coming here. I thought it would be a nice gesture, but after the way you ..."

"Rin."

"What?" She explodes.

Rider lets herself smile. Not a smirk or a twitching of her lips. It is a genuine smile. She reaches over and puts her hand on Rin's. "Thank you."

This time, Rider doesn't even try to hide her laughter as Rin splutters and is completely caught off guard. "I ... I ... that's all you had to say! Um ... you're welcome."

Rider smiles knowingly at the blush on her face. "I look that good in these, huh?"

"... don't let it get to your head ..." Rin murmurs, but tellingly won't meet her eyes. 

"Well, if you're going to stare at me, I should at least be allowed the same courtesy. it's a ... 'pretty fair trade, I would say.'"

Rin shakes her head, looking at down Rider's hand on her own. "I'd say my sister and I both have the same luck in smart-mouthed Servants."

"Yes. Sakura does think I have a ... fairly smart mouth."

Rin jolts and removes her hand from Rider's. "What exactly is your problem? You are my sister's Servant! Show some decorum!"

"And she is like a sister to me." Rider smiles, looking around at the room. "And some sisters share their toys."

The look on Rin's face is beyond description even for someone with eyesight. Rider chuckles. 

"Rider. Neesan ..." Sakura's voice trails off as she walks down the stairs, with Saber behind her. "Oh ... oh Rider ..."

Rider walks over to Sakura, leaving Rin to stew in her own juices. "A gift from your sister. Do you like them?"

"You are ... you are so beautiful, Rider." Sakura beams. "You always were, but I can see your eyes! Neesan. Thank you. Thank you so much."

Rider also smiles and wraps Sakura in her arms. She picks her up. She can see her now. They spin around. Sakura barks out some startled laughter. "R-rider! What is ..."

"I can see you too." Rider can see the dark purple of Sakura's hair. Her violet eyes. Her pale skin. Her curves and generous breasts through her shirt. And that tentative smile, something she had felt with her fingers and her skin. 

"... you're welcome, Sakura." Rider sees Rin come up from the table, watching them. She is still red, but she's smiling. And she is smiling at the happiness on her sister's face. 

"Rider." 

Rider turns to look at Saber. She can see the blonde. Her eyes are green and her expression stoic as she always imagined it to be. She is short and her blonde hair covers her face like a small mane. There is something regal about her, and unlike Rin's pretensions at neutrality, Saber's mien is that of a ruler. 

"Those glasses compliment you well."

Rider pauses, considering Saber's words. Then she beams and puts Sakura down. "Thank you, Saber. And for what it's worth, you are beautiful too. It is finally good to see you."

There is a ripple of pink across Saber's face. Rider feels like, somehow, she has won. 

"Just wait until Senpai sees you." Sakura says, taking Rider by the hand to the table. 

"I don't know." Rider shrugs. "I might just save it as a surprise." She averts her face as she takes off the glasses and replaces it with her mask. 

"Rider, what ..."

Rider squeezes Sakura's hand. "I find my sense of taste is better when I can't see. I enjoy feeling the texture of my food." 

 

 


	22. Chapter 22

_Illya blinks. She is so warm. She's in her bed. It's her large bed back at the Castle. Her eyes are bleary with sleep. But now she's cold. The blankets have been stripped off her. Someone is carrying her. Their arms are strong and firm, but she can tell they are trying to be gentle with her._

_It doesn't take her long to realize that the person holding her is her father._

_"Kiritsugu." She murmurs, only calling him that when she knows that something serious is happening._

_"It's all right Illya." The dark man is in his trenchcoat. She can tell he's trying to keep his voice as gentle as his arms, but there is a terseness behind it. "Go back to sleep."_

_"W-where ..." Illya sees that they are running, her father is running with her, in his arms, and they are moving supernaturally fast. She can smell magic and gunsmoke off of his clothes. "Where are we going?"_

_Then, they are at the exit to the Castle. lllya is puzzled. The guards with their halberds aren't at their posts. The other homunculi are gone. And someone is standing at the door. Illya sees glittering wires swirl around their hands for a few seconds, before they retreat._

_"Illya ..."_

_"Mama?" Illya is immediately pushed into her mother's ivory arms. She's glad to see her mother. But something is different. It takes Illya a moment to realize that her mother's kindly face, her soft skin and white hair and coat are splattered with the same colour that matches her eyes, and it smells like iron._

_Immediately, the Castle shakes. There are bright orange lights. Kiritsugu turns around and Illya sees him pull out something. A part of her tells her that it is a rifle. "Go!"_

_Irisviel takes Illya and they run outside. There is more red and ... doll parts everywhere. There is a car. A woman in black, with short black and dark eyes, almost like a short, female version of her father, pushes them into the car and fires her own weapon. The sharp cracking of bullets almost deafens Illya. As the woman, Maiya, stands in front of them, there is an explosion and Kiritsugu jumps into the car._

_"Papa ..." Illya says. 'Where ..."_

_"We're moving away, Illya." He says, looking exhausted, but more relaxed than she has ever seen him._

_"Away?" She asks._

_Irisviel smiles, seemingly lighting up the entire interior of the car. "We're going to go live in your papa's homeland."_

_"Oh." She says. She thinks a moment. "Is Grandfather coming?"_

_The two adults share a look. Kiritsugu turns to her and, for a few moments, his face is expressionless. "He won't be joining us."_

_Illya doesn't know what to say. All she can manage is, "Oh."_

_Then Kiritsugu smiles and holds her. So does her mother. A part of Illya thinks that she should be terrified, but there is just a coldness there, a placid lake in her heart. The fear had always been there in the Castle, in the laboratory, and the snow. But now it's gone. As they drive away, Kiritsugu and Irisviel's arms around her, she realizes that she knows the name of this new feeling. It is peace._

_Time carries on as fast as that night being carried in Kiritsugu's arms. Illya is a little older now. She's glad, as there was a pretty good chance she wasn't going to be. Her parents don't tell her everything, but they do tell her enough and what they don't say she is smart enough to piece together on her own. Father used his contacts with a yazuka family, the Fujimura Clan, to gain a residence in Fuyuki City, in Japan. It is an old Eastern, Japanese-style estate. They briefly visit two Western-style manses: one belonging to their family, and the other the residence of the Second Landowner: the Tohsaka Clan._

_They went to get some supplies and apparatus from the Einzbern mansion in the forest. Illya thought they might live there, but the trees are almost as dark as the Black Forest and when her father tells her it doesn't exist anymore, she doesn't really feel that bothered about it. As for the Tohsakas, from what little Illya understands, her father called in all of his favours from his previous line of work to arrange some form of cease-fire with Tohsaka Tokiomi. Whether it is compensation for the Heaven's Feel Ritual that will no longer happen, or blackmail, or threats from important members of the Mage's Association itself for what her father had done for many of them in the past, or the promise of a favour, or even the fear of what her father can do in those scary moments he doesn't think she knows about, the gentlemanly figure gives them his permission to settle here provided they never approach him or his family, or intrude on their affairs._

_But the first few months are hard for another reason. Her mother and father had brought specialists from a place called Atlas with, the assistance of Irisviel, have been giving Illya uncomfortable treatments. Apparently Irisviel shared many Einzbern secrets in order to even make them interested in providing therapy for Illya and what could have been her stunted growth. For a while, Illya's bones hurt. She hurts. But she doesn't cry. She remains strong. She thinks of what she's heard about some mundane children becoming sick and needing radiation, chemicals, and evasive medical science to survive even half as long. Illya realizes, as the worst of it is over relatively soon between her mother's skills, and her father's resources, that she is luckier than most._

_Illya goes to school. She makes quite a few friends. It is an excellent change of pace given most of her time by herself with either the maids, her parents, or her grandfather back at the Castle in Germany. Maiya, her father's friend, makes food every day when she comes home. Sometimes she sees Maiya cuddling with her father like her mother does. So does her mother as they sometimes sit together in the living room, when Maiya isn't with her instead. She never thinks to question it, but she never really feels the need to tell her friends either._

_"My aunt Maiya." She tells them._

_One day, something bad happens. Not to her father, or her mother, or Maiya. But to a place called Shinto. Tohsaka Tokiomi approaches Kiritsugu and seems to call in on that favour he owed or offered him. She remembers her mother glaring at the gentleman. He recalls that she never liked him, and to stay away from his daughter. For some reason, Illya thinks that the Tohsakas had two instead. Later, she finds out that an insane magus named Matou Zouken had attempted an experiment, some bastardization of the Three Families' work, the remnants of an artifact from the Third War, that went out of hand and destroyed a small place called Shinto. She recalls that Tokiomi's daughter or ... the Matou granddaughter was killed during this intervention. Matou Zouken and, indeed, the entire Matou Clan ceased to exist during this time. But what Illya remembers the most is that moment when Kiritsugu and Maiya came back home to the Emiya Residence holding the hand of a terrified, red-headed boy._

_Her onii-chan._

_Emiya Shirou was adopted into the family. There was never any question of that. They went to school together, even though he ended up becoming her junior classmate. The Tohsakas never bothered them again. Their parents and aunt grew old. Shirou grew up to be a tall, strapping young man and there was never any question in her heart as to where her feelings for him lay, and where she insisted his responsibilities remain. At the very least, he is more than her Servant now._

_There are tea parties and ceremonies and children coming over to spend time with them. Illya has filled out into a tall, slender, beautiful young woman: the spitting image of her mother. It surprises no one, as everyone outside the family knows the two aren't blood-related, when her onii-chan proposes to her in his bumbling away after years of her having to egg him on and convince him to follow his feelings. Irisviel only says it is about time. Kiritsugu and Shirou go off to drink together, his first real drink._

_Time passes far too fast, like her father's temporal magic._

_Illya and Shirou have their own apartment, but they visit the Emiya residence constantly to the point where they might as well be continuing to live there. Kiritsugu's health is failing him. Even though he gave up smoking years ago, the stress of using his magic and the darker, grittier parts of his former profession catch up to him. They make sure he's comfortable. Shirou insists on giving him Avalon, but the old man turns it down: telling him it barely functioned without its original owner anyway, who he had never met, and just only saved Shirou that one time back in the Fire. Illya suspects, though, that her father just wants his son to be safe. Emiya Kiritsugu dies in his early seventies. Maiya Hisau, who learned to smile with them as part of their family, joins him not long after in her sixties. Illya knows her strong, taciturn aunt died from a broken heart._

_Irisviel is sad, and she held Kiritsugu in her arms as he died even as she held Maiya after her sudden heart-attack. But Irisviel remains strong. Sometimes Illya wonders if her mother needed some of Atlas' treatments, long knowing by now what they are. Their mother lives a long time and gets to see their children, including their first-born daughter who looks just like Illya, but with Shirou's gentle, self-embarrassed smile ..._

_She and Shirou move back in with their mother, and she gets to dote and take of her grandchildren. They have a busy day tomorrow. Through the Fujimuras and Kiritsugu's connections, as well as another favour, Shirou is a swordsmith: though he tends to supplement this more often with being a repairman as he works through his apprenticeship. He doesn't even need the money based on the Emiya and some Einzbern resources, but he has a passion and he insists on earning his keep. At the very least, Illya now knows he is in a place in his life where he living for more than just others, that the survivor's guilt and emptiness has eroded away into helping others and his family. He is a good man, her onii-chan. Their children think nothing of their mother calling their father her brother. She thinks back to her first memories at the Einzbern Castle. At how cold it was .. she remembers something else, someone else's words that sound just like her mama's. She hears them now, as she sleeps in a big bed next to her onii-chan, surrounded by his long, toned arms._

" ...you take care of _him_ , ok?

... remember to visit the Castle." 

_"I will too ..." Illya murmurs, just like that other time ..._

"“I can give her no greater power than she has already, said the woman; don't you see how strong that is? How men and animals are obliged to serve her, and how well she has got through the world, barefooted as she is. She cannot receive any power from me greater than she now has, which consists in her own purity and innocence of heart. If she cannot herself obtain access to the Snow Queen, and remove the glass fragments from little Kay, we can do nothing to help her.”

Illya opens her eyes. She is still in a bed. She blinks. Rider, Matou Sakura's Servant, is sitting in a chair at her side. She has a book in front of her. Illya can see the Servant's fingers play across ridges and bumps on the pages. But then the hand stops. Rider looks right at her. Illya looks down at herself. She's the same. She's exactly the same as she's always been. 

"Do you feel better, Illyasviel?"

Illya pulls herself up against the headboard. She is in old Western bed clothes. Child's clothes. The Einzbern magus bites her lip and her fingers clench around the blankets. She uses every ounce of her pedigree and decorum to keep her voice steady. "Yes. The Earth has replenished my energies, I think. Can you ..." Illya almost chokes. "Can you please send my brother to me?"

Rider nods. "Of course." She closes the book. "He will be glad to see you're awake."

Illya looks away. "... how long was I ..."

"A month." Rider says at the door. 

Illya bites her lip harder. "Oh." She angrily shakes her head, disgusted with herself. Then she looks at the book Rider left behind. "Hans Christian Andersen, am I correct?"

"Yes." 

Illya closes her eyes. "My maids used to read his stories to me at night. My ... mama too. The Snow Queen was my favourite." She pauses, thinking about how in this situation it was Shirou that took the shard of glass out of her eye. Or perhaps it was her that took it out of his before it turned completely to ice. She isn't sure. But that doesn't matter anymore, if it ever did. "Thank you, Rider."

"You're welcome, Illyasviel." 

Rider walks out of the room, even as Illya von Einzbern thinks about that piece of glass in a child's eye, that splinter of ice in a child's heart, and feels a single tear roll down her cheek. 


	23. Chapter 23

Shirou eats the food gingerly.

He wanted to help out in the kitchen. He insisted again. The food is good, of course. Sakura has always been a good cook ever since she started eating and helping out at the Emiya residence. But it's different here. This isn't his home, not really. It isn't his kitchen, or his dining table. There are chairs instead of the traditional mats and sliding doors. Sakura is doing most of the work, though Rider also helps out. 

They sit around the dinner table: he and Sakura, and Rin and Saber. Rin talks about London and Sakura about her studies. Saber is eating for the most part. They have not had much opportunity to talk ever since she came back with Rin, though Rin certainly has many opportunities to poke and prod at him: even when he isn't fully conscious. Shirou grits his teeth. He's frustrated. Every time he wants to spend some moment with Saber, his mind wanders, or he sleeps for the most part. It has been a while. He should be better now. He doesn't tell anyone about the pain. Even though it isn't as constant anymore, when the cycles come they are intense. 

It just feels odd. He knows that Saber has gone through some things since his ... resurrection, but so far she hasn't said much about it. Often he wakes up, and when he isn't with Sakura, she is sitting beside him just like the old days in that meditative pose. Sometimes, she even holds his hand. It's new and different, but somehow also familiar. Shirou isn't always sure. He still sleeps entirely too much and everything feels different. Illya is still unconscious and he worries about her, and it is so odd to be sitting around a dining table without Taiga's loud and obnoxiously exuberant behaviour. 

Even after all this time, and this support that he feels he doesn't deserve, everything just doesn't ... fit. He just can't find that way to adjust yet. He can feel Sakura looking over at him, with her hand on his thigh, and he knows that she knows some of what is going on. He doesn't even know why he tries to hide it from her and the others. They have probably seen him go through worse, _do_ worse, than anything he is going through right now. As far as Emiya Shirou is concerned, personal dignity went out the window a long time ago during the Fifth Holy Grail War. 

"She's awake."

Rider walks down the stairs. Rin's eyes almost bug out of her head. Even Sakura gasps a bit, and Saber comes to her feet. It takes Shirou only a little while to realize who Rider is talking about. 

"I-Illya ..." 

He smiles. It is a smile that hurts him. He gets up from the chair. Or at least he tries. Relief and personal disappointment war inside him as Saber and Sakura catch him before he falls. Rin walks over and grabs him. "Idiot. You need to be more careful."

Shirou chuckles. He has to. He puts all his energy into a convincing smile, "Sorry, Tohsaka. Still clumsy."

"Baka." She lets go of him and shakes her head. "You're still a terrible liar."

"I have to agree with Neesan on that." Sakura says, gently patting him. "Are you really all right, Senpai?"

"I ... Illya is awake now?" Shirou is feeling a mixture of fear and hope. He was a mess when he woke up after his ordeal. What is his ... his sister, after saving his life, going through right at this moment. He has to go to her ...

"She is awake and aware." Rider says, inclining her head towards the stairs. "She wants to see you."

"We will be right there." Saber says, about to move.

Rider shakes her head. "No. She just wants to see Shirou."

"That ... that _brat_." Rin's face almost turns purple. "I know she's a homunculus and using that Third Magic must have taken a great deal of power. Just like when we made the Jeweled Sword together that first time, but more so. She's probably just hungry and needs to replenish her reserves, but she should really let us ..."

"Rin." Saber gives the Tohsaka magus a look. "We understand that you want to see the effects of the Third Magic. We know how important those Mysteries and the health of your guest are to you, but Illyasviel wants to see her brother." She looks back at Shirou. "Go to her, Shirou. We will be waiting."

Sakura nods. "Rider, can you help Senpai up the stairs please?"

Rin is still spluttering, but reluctantly turns away. "Fine. Yeah. Rider, make sure the idiot doesn't go to asleep and fall off the banister."

Shirou can actually feel his face turn red. "I-I've been w-walking up and down those stairs even before you got back! I've not once --"

"Huh." Rin crosses her arms and looks Shirou over again. "Embarrassment and over-exaggeration. Maybe you are getting back to normal, Emiya-kun."

Sakura tries to hide her chuckle, but fails. Even Saber seems to smile softly, but sympathetically. Before Shirou can retort, Rider takes him and lifts him into her arms. 

"R-Rider." This time Shirou feels himself spluttering, which only seems to amuse Rin even more. "I-I'm fine."

Rider looks at him, then Sakura and shakes her head. "Neither my Master, nor your sister will ever forgive me if I let the great Emiya Shirou die of mid-flight narcolepsy."

This time no one is attempting to hide their laughter. Shirou's mouth opens and closes. He shakes his head. "It isn't polite to make fun of someone suffering a handicap."

"No." Rider replies as she walks with him up the stairs. "And that's all the reason why you still need our help right now, isn't it."

Shirou still has no reply as they come up the stairs and outside of Illya's room. Suddenly, he feels himself getting lowered to the ground. He braces himself and slowly comes to his feet. Rider actually stands back and let's Shirou come off of his knees without supporting him: far enough away to give him his space, but close enough to actually catch him if he falls over. Shirou feels both grateful and chagrined. 

He feels himself blushing again. He nods to Rider and focuses. He's made progress. When he set himself out to train as a Hero of Justice over what seems to be ages ago now, he never thought he'd be proud of regaining most of his motor coordination, never mind his ability to feed himself, or use the washroom on his own. Small steps. He focuses his energy, almost saying, "Trace, on," under his breath in meditative rhythms, before entering the room.

She is propped up on the headboard, stretching her arms and legs out, kicking her feet. It is a small miracle. Shirou doesn't say this though, thinking that he might offend this "small miracle's" sensibilities if he says as much. 

"Illya-chan." 

Red eyes regard him. They look tired, but there is a warmth in them and a sadness that he's only seen a few times before during their meetings in the park. "Onii-chan."

Shirou walks over to the bed. He knows that Illya would die before accepting that Rin's handmedowns suited her child-like form: or rather he would die if he mentioned that. He sits down on the mattress next to her. "I was ... I was worried."

Illya shakes her head. "No silly. You were dead. And then you were a flower. I was the one who was worried." 

As he leans over, she throws her arms around him. He holds her back, still not using all of his strength. Then, she pulls away and looks at him. She really _looks_ at him. Shirou has never himself so scrutinized in his entire life. It's as though she is Structurally Analyzing him to the very core. It's at that point that he notices his left hand is trembling on its own volition. He uses his mind to still it. He hopes, in vain, that Illya, did not see it.

Illya's eyes narrow. And for a few moments, Shirou thinks he sees slits of pure rage emanate from his sister's eyes before he blinks and they become gentle and open again. 

"You are tired." She says, stroking his face.

"A bit winded." He replies. "You must be ... too."

"No." She says, her tone suddenly distant. "I think I've been asleep for long enough." She turns to him. Her eyes are deep and red. They seem to glow with an inner intensity. "Sleep, onii-chan. We will talk soon. I love you. Sleep ..."

Shirou blinks several times. Illya's voice echoes through his mind. He feels someone pat his head, even as his feet are moved onto the bed where is sitting, and then lightly down. Somehow, he knows that Illya has hopped off the mattress. The last thing he hears are a few voices.

"... impressive Mystic Eyes."

"Thank you." Then the child-like voice becomes hard. "I want to talk with Tohsaka." The tone brooks no dissent. " _Now_." 


	24. Chapter 24

"Illyasviel." Rin says, coming to the door and noticing the homunculus is standing. Then she sees Shirou lying in the bed. "You -- Emiya -- what is --"

"Shirou is sleeping. He needs it, evidently, more than I ever did." The Einzbern magus has her arms crossed. She points one finger at the chair near the bed. "Close the door, and sit down. _Now_." 

"H-how dare you!" Rin snaps, agape at such arrogance. "I invite you into my domain, into my workshop and you dare to give me demands, you spoiled little brat? Especially after we took care of you in your convalescence? You will get back into that bed --"

"My brother needs it more than me." Illyasviel's tone is quiet and cold. "Because of your incompetence. Sit. Down." 

Rin hasn't seen Illyasviel's murderous intent like this since the earliest days of the War: and that was with Berserker looming over her body. Rin's hand slips to her belt, where her Gems are, where her sword blade hangs. "This is my territory, Illyasviel von Einzbern. You will not give orders to the head of the Tohsaka Clan you glorified sentient walking cup ..."

Illyasviel smiles. It is not a pleasant smile. "I remember that blade, peasant girl. I helped you make it. My ancestor remembers what that blade can do in a master's hands. Maybe you're better with it now, after a month -- a _month_ in which my onii-chan should have drastically improved -- but you do not want to test me right now." Her voice lowers further, but steel intermixes with the ice in her tone. "I told you, very specifically, for you to find a passable receptacle for his soul."

Rin glares at the girl despite a growing apprehension. "And I did. With the Lord Second's resources ..."

"It is _used_. You can't tell me, in good conscience, that the Lord Second -- Zelretch himself -- could only afford this. Your stinginess is written all over this, Tohsaka."

"My ..." Rin feels her magic circuits flare up. She doesn't care now. "You insolent brat. It wasn't as though you were of any help: being _asleep_ for about a month. Some of that vaunted Einzbern homunculus construction could have come in real handy during that time. Or maybe some of that fine money you have from that Estate could have bought something from Atlas."

Illyasviel's eyes narrow into red slits of hate. "I was only asleep because I carried all the Servants from the War inside of me. Including my onii-chan. If it hadn't been for the Dress of Heaven and ..." The white-haired girl shakes her head. "I would have been a ... glorified cup, _without the walking_! And that isn't going into the power of the True Magic I drew upon with that flower. I haven't been to the edge of Akasha. I didn't face a Counter-Guardian and live to return. I just have remnants of True Magic, like you, even if you are not even _remotely_ worthy of that power ... I left you one task. One simple task. Take care of my brother." Illyasviel slowly begins to glow with baleful red symbols all over her body. Rin recalls that she has heard of Einzbern homunculi, and homunculi in general: that they are literally walking magic circuits in humanoid form and this one is filled with rage. "How long has my onii-chan been dropping things? How long have his magic circuits been mismatched and his nerves so misaligned? How long has he been _hurting_? _"_

"Well, why don't you do something about it, Einzbern, instead of threatening me -- your host -- in her own ancestral home." Rin has gone as far as wrapping her hand around the hilt of her dagger, recalling summoning energy from multiple versions of her ground in multiple realities. 

"I think I will ..."

A lavender form smoothly steps between them.

"That. Is. Enough."

Sakura and Saber come through the door as Rider stands between Rin and Illyasviel. 

Saber's face is hard. "You dare have a duel with Shirou lying here in the room?"

There is dead silence. Rin immediately releases her hold on her circuits and her crest. Her fingers shake as she lets go of her dagger hilt. Illysaviel, for her part, stops glowing and actually looks away, her pale face flushed in what seems to be shame. It serves her right and yet Rin herself knows she was so close to starting a brawl, a petty, pointless altercation, in her own Manor. Her father would be ashamed ... 

Sakura comes up beside her. Then, without warning, she steps in front of Rin and bows. 

"Illyasviel, it is not Neesan's fault. I am the one you entrusted to give Senpai the power to keep existing. We've known about the misalignments and tried to help him adjust. He's ... better than he was."

"... not good enough." The Einzbern mage's eyes hide under her white bangs, but her red face is dark with anger.

"I know." Sakura says before Rin can shout at the other's ungratefulness. "But I tried to give him the prana to keep animate. To keep things going. It took too long before we knew what we were doing. And ... I should have been more assertive with him in the beginning. I'm sorry. If you are going to be angry at anyone here, be angry at me. I deserve it."

Rin almost goes for her dagger again. Not her sister. This brat will not touch a hair on her head. She also knows that Rider won't let it happen, nor Saber on principle but that is besides the point. The utter gall of this child telling her, after everything they went through, that she didn't do enough, and the galling, agonizing feeling that nags at the corner of her heart that she hasn't either, is too much. But Sakura stares hard at her. Rin finds herself swallowing. Her fingers leave the dagger again. 

Finally, Illyasviel sighs. She lowers her head. "You've done everything you can, Matou, with what you have. Besides, onii-chan would never forgive me if I killed you." She looks up at the rest of them. There are tears in her eyes. She wipes them away. "You're right, Tohsaka. I think I will do something about this."

The girl's tone has lost its edge, but there is a determination there that worries her almost as much. "Tohsaka Rin." She says. "I understand that the resources of your Clan are not as they were, but is it at all possible -- with what you have -- to get me a flight back to Germany?"

Rin's eyes widen. "You don't mean ..."

Illyasviel smiles again. There is a cruelty there, an old anger, but it is not directed at her or anyone in this room. "Yes. I destroyed their Ritual, and any chance they had at attaining the Third Magic, but I'm going back to my family's castle. I am going to find all the tools and equipment there to help onii-chan." She looks away and her small hand squeezes into a fist. "They've taken so much from me. And I am going to go back there, and take what is rightfully mine." 


	25. Chapter 25

Shirou wakes up. It's the afternoon. He can see it as sunbeams through the window sill and onto the bed. 

He's ... in a bed. 

This isn't an unusual situation. While he has been on a futon for most of his life, lately he has been sharing Sakura's bed in her old room when he isn't down in Rin's Workshop for observation. But it's ... one of the guest rooms. He vaguely remembers being here before, perhaps when he was less conscious. But he wasn't in the bed. He was on a futon, on the floor. He looks around the room, and then notices something.

Someone is nestled against him, under the crook of his arm. White hair and a rumpled old Western girl's dress. Her arms around wrapped around him. Shirou freezes into place. A part of him should be thankful that he can feel his heart -- _his_ heart -- beating so fast, but another is wondering why he is in a bed with Illya ... until he remembers what happened the evening before. All of it.

"Onii-chan." She murmurs against him. "You're awake."

"Yeah." He says, relaxing. Usually, it's Sakura that wakes up in the morning with him. But he recalls the sadness and sheer fury in his sister's eyes. Then the red glow. "You used your Mystic Eyes on me."

Illya looks up. Her face resembles that of a child who has been caught stealing from the cookie jar. One would think that this incredulous expression would out of place on a cold, ruthless, and potentially psychopathic magus. But they would be wrong. "You know what those are, Onii-chan?"

Shirou chuckles ruefully. "Yeah. Rider almost turned me into stone quite a few times now." 

Illya pouts. "Well, that's not what my Eyes do, thankfully. I am your sister, after all."

Shirou's chuckle turns into horrified coughing. Illya smiles at him, too innocently. He does not like that. He knows something is up. "I-Illya ... what ... happened, last night?

Illya shrugs. "You were tired."

"That's because you put me to sleep." Shirou sighs.

"No, silly. You were already tired. You needed the rest. And besides, it's not my fault your mind is so receptive."

Shirou is about to say something to that, but the words just don't come out. He tries again. "What happened last night?"

Illya sits up and spreads her legs over the bed. "I ... had a talk with Rin."

Shirou tries to sit up. Somehow, though, he can't. 

"You should rest, Onii-chan. You are exhausted. The prana flow still isn't aligned fully and I can tell your magic circuits are weak." 

Shirou grits his teeth and manages to sit up against the headboard. "What did you fight about?"

Illya turns. She is pouting again. "Fight?"

Shirou lets out a long breath. "Look, Illya-chan. I love you, but I know that you and Tohsaka can barely keep from killing each other."

"Me?" Illya blinks up, as innocently as she can. "But Onii-chan, she is always the grumpy one making trouble with me. It's not my fault she can't appreciate her betters."

Shirou can almost imagine Tohsaka exploding at that last comment. Perhaps she is sneezing somewhere, like some kind of anime heroine. That thought, too, would make her lose what little of her temper she has left. After sensing no killing intent either way, Shirou decides to go on another track. "There is something wrong with my prana flow, you said? Sakura has been doing the ..." He cuts off, his face turning beat red. 

"It's not her fault. For what it's worth, I'm glad she's taking care of you, Onii-chan." Illya beams, seemingly oblivious to her brother's complete and utter embarrassment. "No." Her face turns serious. "The puppet body you're in is a used one. It's true ... it is more advanced than the usual ones that exist out there, but that's why it's taking longer for your full possession to ... well, take. However, I am going to take care of it."

"... you are?" Shirou feels great trepidation.

"Yes." Her face turns serious. "I'm going back to my castle."

"... your ... castle ..." Shirou is confused. "You mean, in the forest?"

"Well, there first. I need my own clothes. These children's ones will not do." Illya sniffs down at her borrowed garb distastefully. "But then ... I am going to Germany."

"To your family." Shirou feels his voice going flat.

Illya looks up at him, as though hearing this tone for the first time. "No. To the Einzbern Clan." She touches his hand. "You are my family."

Shirou exhales slowly. "I can't stop you, can I."

"Onii-chan, even if you were well, you couldn't. I have you wrapped around my little finger, and you know it."

"I ..." Shirou shakes his head in pure exasperation. "You can't go back there alone. Not there."

"Shirou." Illya says, her face becoming cold and emotionless. "I can handle myself."

Shirou swallows. Then he nods. "I know you can, Illya. But ..." He tries to think. "Can you do me a favour? I mean, aside from the fact that you saved my life and ..."

"I'm your older sister, Onii-chan. It's the least I could do. As for this favour ..." Illya taps her finger against her cheek. "It depends on what it is."

"I know ..." Shirou begins. "I know it's hard not having Berserker. The prospect of losing Saber ... it scared me. It hurt more than I ever thought possible. But ... I would be ... happy? Yes. I'd be happier if you could take Saber with you."

 "You mean, you'd feel safer, for my sake, if I did." Still, Illya taps her face as though deep in thought. "I wouldn't mind at all, Onii-chan. I've wanted to spend more time with Saber anyway. She knew Mama."

"Oh." Shirou replies, not knowing what else to say.

"Yup. Her name was Irisviel. Papa used to call her Iri." Illya is quiet for a few moments.

"... I ..." Shirou says. "I wish I could have met her. I wish ... you didn't have to go. It will be soon, won't it."

"Better sooner than later. It's been too long already." But Illya smiles and pats Shirou's leg. "I will be back soon. I have to. I mean, who else aside from these fools, will take care of you properly Onii-chan?"

"Hey now." Shirou doesn't know how, but he is wagging a finger at the Einzbern magus. "Tohsaka is doing her best. Saber too. And Rider and ... Sakura have been nothing but good to me. Better than I deserve."

"You deserve a lot more." Illya says, then looks away. "We'll be back soon, I promise. I ... wait, Onii-chan, what are you ..."

Shirou is getting to his feet. The room only tilts a little bit as gravity sets in and he gets his bearings. He breathes in and out. "I am going to ask Saber if she can go with you to Germany."

"Onii-chan, you can summon --"

"No, Illya-chan. Saber has her own life now. I will always be her Master, but the War is over. I know ... she's been with Tohsaka. She's the one giving Saber prana now. I have to see if it will be all right."

"I'm sorry, Onii-chan." Illya says. "I ... I should have been the one to provide for your Servant."

"Don't be. I know how much you're still mourning Berserker. And besides, Saber and Tohsaka make a good team. Frankly." Shirou smiles. "Tohsaka needs all the patience she can get."

Illya giggles. Shirou finds his bearings and begins to walk slowly towards the door. "Be careful Onii-chan."

"You too, Illya." He says as it shuts it behind him.

It takes Shirou a moment to figure out where everyone is. He knows that Sakura is at her lessons with the Church's representative. Rider could be at the library or reading a book somewhere else. But Rin and Saber ... 

Tohsaka's Workshop is the best place to start.

Shirou sighs. He saw the look in Illya's eyes when she mentioned the Einzbern. He wishes he could go with her. But ... as he is now, he would only get in the way. And, maybe, her going herself is a gift to him. Shirou had to do some questionable things during this War. He knows how vindictive Illya can become. Maybe it's just best to let that remain, and hope that Saber will be the spirit of her better nature. 

He climbs down the stairs. Eventually, he is at the Workshop with all of its apparatuses, equipment, potions, the lounge and the symbol on the floor and Tohsaka and ... Saber ...

Tohsaka and Saber in the circle ...

Saber's name dies on Shirou's lips. It's as though the blood pounding in his head isn't his own. 

"Shirou?"

"Sorry ..." He murmurs. "Excuse me." It's as though his legs aren't his own either as he moves away from the Workshop and up the stairs. He hears some fierce whispers down below as he ascends. 

Shirou finds himself sitting in the living room, though it's more like his body hasn't given him much of a choice in the matter. He stares at the clock in the room. He feels embarrassed. He thought it had been bad when he had walked in on Saber in the bath. Or when he saw her naked. He thought nothing could top that. 

Once again, Emiya Shirou found himself wrong.

He hears footsteps. He looks up and sees Saber. Her blouse is rumpled and somewhat askew. She smooths out her skirt. It occurs to him this clothing was given to her by Tohsaka. After adjusting Avalon, she sits down across from him. He notices, too, that her cheeks are red. 

"... Shirou." She starts. 'I ..."

"No." Shirou says, fighting through being flabbergasted. "I'm sorry I interrupted."

"No. You don't need to apologize, Shirou." Saber says. "We were ... just finished prana transfer."

"... I see." Shirou understands this is one way of prana transfer. After all, didn't Sakura do that for him as well? It made sense. Tohsaka was Saber's acting Master, and one with prana. He had been unconscious for a while. It took their energies to keep her there, but Tohsaka was the more experienced magus and with more higher quality magic circuits. 

"Shirou?"

Shirou finds himself breathing out slowly yet again today. He's not sure why his heart is beating so fast. So sickeningly. "Saber. I need a favour from you."

Saber's body language tenses. "Yes, Shirou?"

"I am ..." Shirou doesn't know why this is suddenly so hard. "I am still your Master, right?"

Saber's face looks puzzled. "Of course ..."

"Well, you are doing ... work for Tohsaka now, so ..."

_... she's been with Tohsaka._

_She's the one giving Saber prana now._

_I have to see if it will be all right._

_Saber and Tohsaka make a good team._

Saber shakes her head. "Shirou ..."

Suddenly, Shirou feels tired. It's not the same as his new body's exhaustion. It is something else. He can't really name it, but it makes him just want to get this over with. 

"Illya is leaving for Germany soon." Shirou can't meet Saber's eyes. "If you can ... can you please accompany her back to her Clan's Castle?"

"Of course, Master." Saber says, almost immediately. "I just informed Rin of that decision. I am now ready."

"All right." Shirou replies, staring off into space. 

"Shirou ..." Saber gets up and steps towards him. "We didn't know you were there ..."

"It's all right." Shirou says, and wonders why it isn't. "That is your business, Saber."

"Still, it is was beneath decorum. I-I apologize." 

Shirou nods. "I understand, Saber. You should go touch base with Illya."

Saber pauses and moves back a step. She nods, slowly, her face still red. "I'm sorry, Shirou. I really wanted time to talk with you ..."

"We will, Saber." Shirou wonders if his voice has always sounded this distant, if perhaps Illya was right and his soul isn't aligned with this puppet body properly. 

Saber stares at Shirou, as though trying to meet his eyes. She nods to herself once again, and walks away. Shirou sits there, for a while. Then he gets up and walks out to the porch, not knowing why he is currently feeling the way that he is: whatever it is. 


	26. Chapter 26

_A few hours earlier._

Saber is surprised she didn't have to escort Rin out of the room herself, or in a parody of an honour guard or detail with her, Rider, and Sakura. Shirou was, for all intents and purposes, dead to the world. A part of her, the one still ruled by what was left of her decorum, pondered taking Shirou out of his sister's bed but everyone else -- who may have once reacted badly to the two sleeping together in the same bed -- said nothing. Saber herself isn't worried. Her Master is nearly comatose, and she knows he would never take advantage of a girl. And for all of Illyasviel's protectiveness to the point of obsession, she knows she won't do anything untoward to Shirou. 

Besides, she is just relieved that the guest bedroom didn't become the site of a potential battle between the nascent Second and Third Magics. Shirou is dear to her, but even he is not worth a petty squabble that could quickly become the destruction of reality as they knew it. 

Rin leaves of her own volition, actually promising Illyasviel whatever help she required. Saber suspected she would just be relieved to get the Einzbern magus out of her domain. As it is, Rin looks tired. Saber expects the magus to go to her room, but instead she walks down the stairs to her Workshop. Saber hesitates. This isn't the War anymore, and she was never able to enter spirit form at the best of times. She needs her sleep: to conserve what power she has. But she sees Rin's eyes. The Tohsaka magus wasn't even looking at her. Her face looks drawn, and haggard. Her blue eyes are grey. Listless. 

It occurs to Saber that Rin has been working non-stop ever since they came back from England: from this plane's England, among others. She came back to her home, only to help with food, taking care of Shirou, observing Illyasviel, updating her log entries, continuing her experiments, and charging more of her gems. This isn't even taking into account the business she's had with the Church, and going over the documents that Sakura procured from them: for a purpose that Saber can already tell will be grim and unpleasant. The priest, Kotomine Kirei, had been an unknown menace in the Fourth War, but he had been an even greater monster in the Fifth. She made very sure that the priest did not know that she could remember that last War, and after what she'd seen in other realities, it had been a sound decision: especially with that god-king madman Gilgamesh. Although it almost hadn't mattered with her, not after what she had done ...

No. That time, of feeling sorry for one's self, had long passed. This is what she realizes as she follows Rin down to her Workshop. She sees Rin's profile, her back to her, hunched over, as she rests her hands on the central work table. Saber walks over and sees that Rin is clenching a gem in one of her fists. It's the kind she uses to fuel her with prana, based on her collaborations with Sakura. 

"You're going with Illyasviel, aren't you."

Saber stiffens. Then, she lets herself relax. "I was going to ask you, later." 

"Yeah. I figured." Rin sighs. "It's been a while and you are easy to read, Saber." She turns around and regards her, weary but also direct. "I won't hold it against you. If Shirou were conscious, he would want you to do it. Hell, he might ask you to protect his little sister anyway."

"And he wouldn't have to." Saber says. "I owe his family. Illyasviel, Shirou, and ..."

"Her mother."

Saber jolts in surprise. Rin smiles grimly and points at the table. Saber notices, now, that in addition to the gem in her hand is a folder. "These are notes and surveillance from the Fourth War. It's ... some of what the Overseers were gathering. Sakura got it from the priest, among other things. She ... doesn't know about the rest of it ... yet." 

Saber hesitates and then comes forward. She points a hand on Rin's shoulder. "If you need me to be here for --"

"Please." Rin scoffs. "I can handle breaking some bad news. Hell, it's old news anyway. Nothing someone really smart can't figure out. And ... even I don't know all of it. I'm hoping she will help me with the rest. Maybe even the idiot too. For what it's worth, you looked really sexy in that suit and tie, Saber."

"... I see." Saber looks away, abashed, blushing. Not knowing how to process that strange compliment. "So you saw me and Irisviel."

"On one of your jaunts. Maybe one of my father's familiars recorded you."

"Or perhaps one of Kotomine's Assassins. They and the Church were working together. At first."

"Huh." Rin's face darkens at that name. "We need to talk about those days, sometime. Just ... not right now."

"Agreed." Saber nods. "The matter at hand is important. I ..." She tries to find the right words.

"You really cared about her, didn't you."

Saber lowers her eyes. This time, it is Rin that puts a hand on her shoulder. "Saber, there was nothing you could do to help her. She was built to become the Grail, just like Illyasviel."

"... how did you know?" Saber feels her voice come out as a hoarse whisper.

"The way she was smiling in that picture. The way you were looking at her. Emiya Kiritsugu was a fool not to spend as much time with her as he could. She was beautiful."

"Don't ..." Saber sighs. "Don't put him down for that. He knew what the quest was. He had to. You weren't there, Rin. He loved her. And she him."

"And you loved her too." 

Saber doesn't say anything. Suddenly, Rin wraps her arms around Saber. She realizes, belatedly, that the magus is hugging her. "For what it's worth, she looked happy to have you as her protector. As I am."

Saber's breath catches in her throat. She finds herself hugging Rin back. "T-thank you, Rin. You ... you are too kind."

"No. I'm not." Rin growls softly. "If I were, I would have dropped the past like I promised. And I ... I would let you go do this, for her, without being so dramatic. So ... weak." Rin lets go of Saber and turns away. It's then that Saber notices Rin's shoulders are shaking. 

"Rin ..." She steps forward.

"It's so ridiculous." Rin's voice trembles. "We've been separated before. Each of us on our different missions in different worlds. This is just our world. Another country. Those homunculi don't stand a chance against you. But it's just ... you know, I tried, right? Shirou fell apart, literally, and I kept it all together. I went on trial. I helped Sakura. And I'm researching. I'm learning." She turns around and Saber sees the tears in the other's eyes. "And I kept it together. I even kept watch on that ungrateful brat. But ... she's right."

"Rin ..."

"No." Rin shakes her head violently. "Shirou is taking a long time to align with his body. I was so afraid of rejection. But that _baka_ is stubborn." She smiles through her tears. "But he's been hurting. I haven't been here and even if I was, there isn't much I can do. It's miracle he's even alive. But still ..."

Saber puts both hands on Rin's shoulders and stares at her. "You feel like you could have done more."

Rin nods. Saber closes her eyes. "Me too." 

They regard each other for a few moments. Saber reaches out and wipes a tear away from Rin's cheek. She cups that part of her face with the palm of her hand. "Rin. You have gone above and beyond the call of duty. You would have been a worthy subject in my realm, along with Shirou. And you are a good friend."

"Idiot." Rin coughs, but her face turns red nonetheless.

"It is true, Rin." Saber stares hard into her eyes. "It's an honour serving as your Servant, and fighting at your side. I know I'm not Archer and I will never replace ... him. I've done some terrible things, but I will continue to make up for them and be ..."

"You are beautiful." Rin says, suddenly. "Just the way you are, Saber. You are perfect."

Saber feels Rin's hand on her cheek. "... Rin?"

Saber starts to feel warm. Very warm. They've held each other before. Usually after the worst of their battles or encounters throughout the multiverse. But it has always been chaste. Comforting. It reminds Saber of relaxing in Guinevere's arms sometimes. Rin's eyes are burning. They are bright, eldritch sapphires.

"I wish you could see yourself the way that others see you." Rin whispers, leaning closer to Saber's face. "The way I do ..."

Rin's lips brush with Saber's. The King of Knights freezes into place. She feels her lips match Rin's own. Something tingles between them. A jolt of primal energy, deeper than magic perhaps. Something older and raw. Saber gasps as their lips finally separate. Rin is also breathing hard. Saber feels herself sweating. She has never encountered something like this before. Even the taint of the Grail, its surging filth and hate, doesn't come close to this ... raging feeling inside of her. She's confused, but at the same time she feels her body taking over. All that time, denying this, her whole lifetime. And here it is. Right in front of her. And, right now, it is focused on Rin. 

She is about to speak, to say something. Anything. But Rin closes the gap again and they kiss. Rin's lips are hungry. Her mouth engulfs her own and she finds herself kissing her back, devouring her mouth. Their tongues play with each other, a duel of a kind that Saber has never really experienced before. She's not sure who won as they disengage again. Something is growling inside of Saber and it isn't physical hunger. Rather, it's of another kind.

"... the Grail ..." She murmurs. "... it must still have a hold on me ..."

Rin grabs Saber's face. "No, you idiot. It's called _lust_. It is a basic human feeling." She kisses her again, passionately. "I ... I'm tired of courtly love, Saber. I want to consummate this." 

Saber's eyes widen. "C-consummate ..."

"Yes, dammit. I ..." Rin slams down her jewel on the table with disgust. "I want to give you prana. Before you leave."

"Well, I understand." Saber's mind is still somewhere else, somewhere hazier than words. "But the gem is over there ..." Then, she sees Rin roll her eyes. "... oh."

 Rin wraps her hands around her and kisses her, making electric pulses creep down her body. "... have you really not ..."

Saber sighs against Rin's lips, totally at a loss. "N-no. I mean, Merlin did change ..." Saber breaks off the kiss and shakes her head. 

"Oh?" Rin smiles, her mouth suddenly very devilish. "What was that?"

"No. Not you too." Saber groans. "Not right now."

"All right." Rin settles her mouth into the smile of a Cheshire cat. "I'll get that out of you later then. But you were saying ..."

"I ..." Saber looks down again. "Well, there was one time. With Guinevere. I ..." She regards Rin. "... I tried. But it just wasn't the same. I mean, we loved each other, I suppose. But we weren't in love ..."

 _Not like she was with Lancelot, or any other man,_ is what Saber doesn't have to say. Rin places her hands on Saber's shoulders and then traces them down her chest, down her breasts, and to her waist. "She wasn't attracted to women." Rin says. "Her loss." 

"... Rin." The magus begins to slide herself down to the floor on her knees, taking Saber's skirt down with her. "We don't ..."

"We have the time we need. We have the materials. We've always had them." Saber feels hot, wet lips trail down her stomach. "Tell me, Saber. Did Guinevere ever do ... this for you?"

Saber gasps softly. Rin's lips have trailed across one of her thighs, towards something aching and wet. She feels a droplet fall from the mound between her legs. "Oh ... God ..." 

Somehow, she can feel Rin smile. "I take that as a no." Something warm and wet surrounds Saber's labia, bringing out and suckling on her clitoris. Saber's eyes widen. Her mouth opens, but no sound comes out. A tongue ... twirling ... "Rin ..."

"Mmm ..." Rin slowly, achingly removes her lips from Saber's body. "You have such wiry muscles. And you taste good. I told you, you are perfect." She looks up at her. "Lose the blouse, please." 

"Rin ... I ..." Saber finds herself taking off her shirt. Rin's face somehow becomes even hungrier. She thought, back in the day, that only such lechery could be seen on the face of the lowest man. She sees Rin slipping off her own skirt. Her hands deftly undo the buttons of her shirt. Then, her black bra comes off as well. Saber remembers her own and unclips it. A part of her marvels at how comfortable it is compared to the bandages she used to wrap around her chest back in the days of Camelot.

Rin is naked now. Saber can see her full profile. Her darker hair, her tan skin and that mixture of Asiatic and Nordic features complementing the sapphires that are her eyes right now. She walks forward. Her hands are tentative as she places them on her Master's slender body. Saber goes to kneel, as Rin had. She places one of Rin's small, tart breasts in her mouth. She thinks about how Rin suckled on her before. She does it herself. Rin moans. Saber feels Rin's fingers clench around her short hair. 

"Saber ..."

It must be the mystical circle they are standing in. These are some of Saber's more coherent thoughts as they devour one another. Her teeth bite into Rin's skin. Her fingers clench around her flesh. Rin wraps herself around Saber and bites into her neck. Then, they are on the floor. It's like the time her core was awakened all those centuries ago. A dragon is roaring through Saber's body, through her mind, and her soul. Almost like it did when she saved Shirou's life under the mountain. Rin's mouth is buried into her crotch. It's almost obscene to hear the slurping noises and groans coming from the younger woman. But somehow that only makes Saber tingle harder. It was never like this before. Saber finds her mouth surrounding Rin's mound. There is a thin layer of black pubic hair. As she goes down on her, consuming her as would a dragon, conquering that place as she would a dragon's lair with her sword of a tongue, she tastes skin, and wetness, and musk. 

Her hips begin to move on their own with Rin's as they consume each other. Vaguely, Saber recalls a lesson from Merlin: something about an ourboros ... or a snake eating its own tail. Something is gathering inside of her belly. It is dragon fire. It is power. Rin is glowing all over her body. Belatedly, Saber realizes that her magic circuits are awakening. Her crest shines the brightest of all from her forearm. Saber growls into Rin's pussy as Rin inserts two of her fingers into her sharply. Carried off by the haze of the moment, Saber plunges her own fingers into Rin, getting that energy, getting that power ...

The coils of the dragon that is her family's legacy wraps them in their throes as orgasm after orgasm thrums through the both of their bodies ... into one of them. Saber feels herself burning with power. It is almost unbearable. The release is practically painful and there is something bereft about it ebbing away. They stay like that, spooned against each other, in the middle of the floor. She feels her fingers stroke Rin's hair.

They disengage and Rin curls up beside her. Saber notices that all the stress and worry on the mage's face is gone. She looks ... years younger now. As though preserved by Avalon's mysteries, as she was. 

"... my word." Saber says.

Rin begins giggling. "... so, Guinevere never did that for you?"

"No." Saber says, deadpan. "She never replenished my prana like you did."

"Idiot." Rin half-heartedly slaps her hand on Saber's chest.

"How did  ..." Saber tries to find the words, any words at this point.

"I have read the Tantric rites." Rin says. "Oh ... and I did meet a few people at the Clock Tower. Even in the other universes. No one particularly serious. I figured, after surviving a War, I wanted to enjoy some of that life. You know?"

"I remember that well." Saber says, thinking back to how her men would drink and become rowdy after battle with the war companions that accompanied them. Sometimes even with each other besides. "I ... thank you, Rin."

"Don't mention it." Rin murmurs against her. "Thank you. I  ..." She looks past her and sees something. "Oh ... shit."

Saber follows Rin's gaze. 

And sees Shirou standing a few metres away by the stairs. 

"Shirou?" Saber feels a vice-grip on her insides that hadn't been there before. 

The young man looks away from them, suddenly. "Sorry ..." He murmurs, going up the stairs again. "Excuse me."

Saber doesn't know what this is, but it feels dreadful. Rin is covering her eyes. "Oh ... no. Goddammit. It wasn't ..."

Saber gets onto her feet and begins looking for her clothes and her weapon. "Don't ... don't worry, Rin. I will ... go after him."

Rin moans. "And ... what will you do? Talk with him?"

"Of-of course." Saber pulls on her shirt, and then reaches down for her skirt. "It ... it is prana transfer. Shirou knows about that."

"... wow." Rin says, after a time, watching Saber pull on her clothes. "You two really are a pair of idiots."

"... Rin ..." 

Rin huffs and turns away from her. Saber looks up the stairs, and then back at Rin. It is a split second and it can mean all the difference in the heat of conflict. Saber goes over to Rin. She kneels down and grabs her hand. "Rin. Look at me. Please. Look at me." Rin sighs and regards Saber. Saber leans forward and kisses Rin on the forehead. "Thank you. This means a lot to me. You mean a lot to me."

"Aw ..." Rin chuckles. "That's ... that's not why you are an idiot. Both of you."

Saber pauses. "Rin?"

"... just ..." Rin sighs. "Just go. I don't know what you can say to him, but ... that's just one more thing I'm going to have to deal with, my gallant knight." She kisses Saber. "Come back to me soon, all right?"

"I promise." Saber says, as she goes up the stairs, leaving Rin to shake her head in complete and utter exasperation. 


	27. Chapter 27

"Senpai's hurting again."

"I know. I can sense it."

Sakura and Rider sit in the former's room. Sakura has taken the ribbon out of her hair and is wrapping it around her hand. She does this to soothe herself, even since she had to leave this place the first time ... ever since ... Zouken. Rider still wears her mask, and seems to be staring sightlessly at nothing., while she brushes Sakura's hair. These two elements help in calming the Matou magus somewhat, but there is always that background interference, that feeling from the corner of her senses. It remains steady the more that she and Senpai make love. It isn't like the deadly calmness of Rider, but a flame that waxes and ebbs. Unfortunately today, after whatever happened the day before, Senpai feels more closed off. Last night, he climbed into her bed and didn't say very much of anything after she found him sitting on the porch outside. Saber was nowhere to be seen, except at the dinner table that Senpai declined to visit. Neesan, for her part, looked short-tempered and ready to burst with exasperation. But even she seemed very uncharacteristically quiet and gave certain pointed glances to Saber whenever she thought no one was looking. 

Sakura asked Senpai what was wrong. She had a feeling it was something to do with Saber, but he said nothing ... except that he would miss her on this latest mission. That they would deal with it when she came back. But he was distant that night. He held her tightly, as always, but a part of him wasn't there. Senpai was always a terrible liar. And now, today, she can sense his nerves are bothering him again. 

Sakura sighs. "He is exercising his circuits again." 

"Yes, I can smell the ozone of Projection. It's almost like that Archer's."

"Yes." Sakura sighs. "Which makes sense, all things considered. He tells me it helps with the pain."

Senpai didn't lie about that. Sometimes she would watch him attempt to materialize a dagger, or a knife. In the early parts of the month where he was mostly himself, the Projected items would shatter into motes of light almost immediately. It frustrated him to no end. Sakura had to resort to her body and her embrace to keep him calm. Sometimes, he would even be able to hold his Projections longer, from that place where he conceptualized and summoned them, after they made love. Even now, he could hold them for a few minutes without her direct physical aid. At least he wasn't trying to create new magic circuits. Neesan had thankfully broken him out of that dangerous habit earlier in their association, and she could only imagine what something like that would do to his new body. Sakura generally still had anger towards Shinji and Zouken, but her fury at Senpai's father almost eclipsed that. How could the Magus Killer not see that his son was playing Russian Roulette with his life every day for "magical training?" Even she knew how to activate her own circuits, even when the worms did it for her, and for Neesan it must have been worse as a consummate professional magus. 

"Rin might kill him." 

"... I don't think he cares, right now." Sakura says, feeling sad that the man she loves and her sister are not getting along, for whatever reason. "And Neesan is not really talking with him right now either."

"It's probably due to the fact that he saw them exchanging prana."

"Oh." Then it finally sinks in. "Oh ..." Sakura turns to look at Rider, causing the other to lower her hairbrush. "... so she isn't using the gems anymore."

"Not last night."

"How ..."

"I can smell Saber's presence. And Rin's. And ... the bo ..." She shakes her head, smiling slightly at her own expense. "I'm sorry, Shirou's."

"But Saber and Neesan spend a lot of time together. Surely their scents would be intermingled most of the time now." Sakura posits, but already knows the answer.

"Shirou's scent was there in the way you say, Master. But the smell coming from Saber and Rin was more ... magically charged and very intimate. Musky."

Sakura wrinkles her nose. "All right, Rider. I get the picture." She sighs. "Poor Senpai. I know how much he loves her."

"Perhaps. But he will just have to get used to it." Before Sakura can say anything, can defend him, Rider continues. "Sakura, you feed me prana in the same way. It is only a matter of time before he figures that out. The boy can be dense, but he is not nearly as stupid as Rin thinks he is. Right now, he thinks he is being loyal to you but he doesn't know, or doesn't want to know about the rest of it. Of us. I mean, we can stop if --"

"No." Sakura says, with a steel she forgets that she sometimes has. "No." She takes Rider's hand. "You are a part of my life, Rider. You are a part of me, just as Senpai is a part of my life now. I forbid you leaving me."

Rider smiles. "You almost sound like your sister when you say that."

Sakura shakes her head. "Please, don't. We come from the same place, but I am not a Tohsaka. Not anymore. Tohsaka Tokiomi and Aoi made that decision for me." Her eyes soften. "I am going to have to tell him." Fear begins to eat at Sakura's stomach. She shouldn't be feeling this. What she's had with Rider has been between them, and it is prana between Master and Servant. Rider has been there for her. And Shirou never asked. But she doesn't want to lose him. Not again.

"You give him very little credit, Sakura." Rider wraps her arms around her. "If he could forgive you for what you did with All the World's Evil, he will accept this, or he is a far lesser man that I have taken him for."

"I know." Sakura says, half-believing it. "But he's always so dutiful. He would do anything for me. For us. He even broke his own oath to save me. I don't deserve him. No one does."

"Now you are giving him too much credit." Rider kisses her neck gently. "He's just a human being. He's done extraordinary things, especially for you, but he still feels. He still has insecurities. I just think ... he is becoming more aware of them now. We just need to be honest with him about it." 

"That day ... he decided to change, for me." Sakura murmurs, stroking Rider's hair. "That was the day, for the first time, he wanted something for himself and not for someone else. Not for some ideal. Then he saved us. We do ... owe him this. To tell him." Sakura looks at Rider. "Rider, do you remember what you told me about Breaker Gorgon."

She feels her Servant sigh behind her. "Yes. You told me not to drink his blood again after that first time. And I have honoured that."

"I know you have." Sakura clutches Rider's hand. "But I know you have been using little bits of it, at times, to ease his pain. I also know, from what you've told me, that you can do a lot more."

Rider pauses for a few moments. "You know what you are asking."

"Rider." Sakura says. "I know you care about Senpai too."

"Master ..." Rider seems, for a woman of few words to others, to possess even fewer now. "My loyalty is always to you."

"That is not what we're talking about, Rider." Sakura turns to face Rider, knowing she can sense her doing so. "Tell me, how do you feel about Senpai."

"... Shirou makes you happy. That is all that matters to me."

"It's all right, Rider. I am not going to be angry. And you know I mean that. I talked with Saber, more or less, about something similar."

"I see." Rider tilts her head a bit. "Shirou is a good man. He went out of his way to save you, and all of us. Even Saber. He still cares about others more than himself. You love him and ... he doesn't threaten me. It's like ... I am your right arm, and he is your left. We are a part of you. And, in time, we could even complement one another. I actually ... wish there had been someone like him, long ago. And I too do not wish to see him in any more pain." Rider puts her hands to either side of Sakura's face. "I can no more be angry at him than a right hand can at the left. It just is." 

Sakura nods. She knew as much. She pulls Rider forward, and leans her head against her chest. "Thank you for being honest with me, Rider."

The Servant strokes her hair. "The boy needs us right now. I think ... I think it's better that we show him that, instead of Saber and Rin. They are simply not ready." 

"But is Senpai ready ..." Sakura asks, already knowing some of the answer.

"He will have to be." Rider replies. "He's already broken several moulds of how he sees himself. What's one more." 

"I know." Sakura looks down, at herself, marveling again at feeling nothing else squirming inside her beyond her own hopes and desires. "I am just getting used to this ... self. I'm just trying get used to actually _being._ Being happy."

Rider draws Sakura up and kisses her. She doesn't say anything more. Sakura returns her kiss and then relaxes against her. She doesn't say anything as Rider brings out the hairbrush again, and starts moving it down the roots of her lavender hair, her ribbon still wrapped around her hand. 


	28. Chapter 28

"No."

Shirou should have expected this. In fact, he knew this was exactly what was going to happen. 

They stand in the hallway, with its polished wood and finery. Tohsaka Rin has her hands on her hips and her eyes are glittering with ire. Normally, Shirou would be placating her. He would be telling her to calm down. Or someone would be. But he finds himself staring her down. He keeps the distance between them, for whatever it is worth at this point. 

"I am not asking." He tells her. Even he's surprised at the hard tone in his voice. "I'm leaving."

"I control the Bounded Field here." Rin says, in a huff. "As the Second Owner and magus of this territory, I decide who comes and who goes."

"That's all right, Tohsaka. My residence is still in your territory. You can monitor me just as easily from here. Heck, you can even visit. Like you used to."

"I said no, Shirou. It's ... too dangerous."

"Even now?" Shirou shakes his head. "No. You are the Second Magician's apprentice. No one would intrude on your territory and risk that. Not even to get at someone as unimportant as me."

He can see Rin grind her teeth. "You are a real idiot. Don't you get it? You survived death itself. Illyasviel brought you back. The records show that you died during this War. If you live at your old home again, there will be questions."

"I don't understand, Tohsaka." Shirou sighs, feeling what is left of his patience dwindle a lot faster than it used to. "I'm no good at politics. But even I can see that with the Lord Second, and your work at the Tower, you are building clout. Besides, you are the Second Owner of Fuyuki. This is your territory."

"And I'm always away and other factions don't like to play by the rules." Tohsaka hisses at him. "And if you think a month which, by the way, was how long you've been incapacitated for is enough time to have any pull in a power structure like the Clock Tower, then you are even more naive that I thought you were, Emiya."

Shirou exhales and tries again. "Tohsaka, I have improved a lot since then."

"Are you still having pains?"

Shirou closes his eyes. There is nothing to say. Tohsaka nods, vindicated. "I thought so. You are not going anywhere until you integrate properly. Then, and only then, will we talk about you going back to my satellite residence."

Shirou's eyes flash open. "What did you just say?"

Rin's eyes are hard. "You heard correctly, Shirou, unless your integration is still interfering with your sense of sound. The Emiya residence is a part of my territory. Your father never asked me, or ..." She shakes her head. "He never asked me if it was all right to set up another Workshop here."

Shirou shakes his head. "What is ..." He starts again. "That residence was bought during the Fourth War. I know that much now. And it was ..."

"Yes. It belonged to the Einzberns before, presumably, they abandoned your father. Now, it's mine. And everyone and everything in it is under my protection."

"Even Illya's Castle?"

Rin's starts and then splutters. "N-no. That is still Einzbern territory, though I will be seeing to that with her when this is all over. There is no Ritual anymore. The Matou are gone, thank god. And, as such, as a representative of the Church and Association it is my duty and responsibility to administrate here. And you will go back there when you are ready."

Shirou feels his eyes narrow. "That is Dad's place. You have no right to claim it. It is my Workshop."

Rin stalks towards him. She stops, inches away from him. He doesn't even have to look down and see her index finger pointed at his chest.

"And I've decided, as Second Landowner, to claim it until you swear fealty to me and the rules of the Tohsaka Clan which, by the way, you never did during the War. As such, you are to stay here until you are fit and we can talk about it."

"Are you kidding me." 

Shirou feels the cold steel of the words come out of his mouth. Even Tohsaka, seeing the look on his face and hearing that tone, blanches. Shirou realizes she's taken a step back. A part of him would have once been abashed by this, once. But now, he is just too ... too ... angry.

"This entire War." He says. "I tried to save everyone from collateral damage. I made entreaties to work with you. I kept your sister safe. I worked with you even though I know for a fact that Archer wanted to see me with an arrow in my back. I saved Sakura even when you promised to kill me. I worked with you and Illya to make your Jeweled Sword. I ... I fought." Shirou feels his hands turn into shaking fists. "I saved Sakura and you, and everyone. I don't know how I did it. I shouldn't have been able to. But I did. I kept going." He makes direct eye contact with her. "And you saved my life. You and my sister. And I'm thankful."

Tohsaka snarls. "You have a funny way of showing gratitude, Emiya-kun!"

"It's true!" Shirou finds himself shouting right back. "I am grateful! You brought me into your home and your Workshop! You made a place for Sakura. And Rider. You took care of my sister, who I know you hate. And you've been feeding Saber prana ... but you don't own us, Tohsaka. You don't own me."

"And there it is." Rin says.

There is a long, deadly pause. Shirou is breathing hard. "W-what ..." He looks at her. "What is _that_ supposed to mean, Tohsaka?" 

"... do you really want to talk about this now, Shirou?"

Ordinarily, the false sweetness of Rin's tone, _that_ tone, would make him run away in terror and hope it didn't find him first. But he far too angry. Shirou realizes that, aside from facing down Angra Mainyu, after discovering what was done to Sakura, this is about the angriest he's ever been. And even knowing the facts as to why, he doesn't know why it just feel so vehement right now. 

"No, Tohsaka. I want to talk about what a failure I am as a magus again. Of course I want to talk whatever this really is."

Rin's face grows impassive. "You really do sound like him, sometimes."

Fury roars through Shirou's chest. "I am _not_ Archer!" 

"No. You're not." Rin steps forward again and pokes him hard in the chest. "For all his, your, his mistakes, he was twice the man you will ever be."

Shirou feels himself grow numb at Rin's words. He's ... actually glaring at her now. A cold sneer, that isn't his own, he keeps telling himself, forms on his lips. "It's amazing you even remember ... him, with Saber around."

Then, Shirou steps back. All the blood drains out of his face. He realizes what he just said. Rin, for her part, looks like Shirou has just punched her in the face. Remorse, immediately, sloughs through Shirou's veins. "Tohsaka, I didn't mean ..."

"I was giving prana to our Servant." Rin says, in a small, distant voice. "We didn't ... I didn't mean you to see that. We didn't ... we didn't plan it, Emiya-kun."

She shakes her head. Shirou takes one cautious step towards her. He's fucked up. He knows that he's fucked up. He doesn't know what to do about it. "Tohsaka ..."

Rin's eyes are ice. "What does it matter to you anyway." An equally chilly smile comes to her face. "Aren't you dedicated to my sister? Why should it matter that Saber and I fuck? It's no business of yours."

Shirou bristles and any remorse he had has been eaten by a fury he doesn't understand. "She is _my_ Servant!" 

Again, Shirou almost staggers back at the force behind those words. Rin flips one of her ponytails away from her shoulder with one hand. "She makes her own decisions, Shirou. Remember? You don't own her."

"I ... I know. But neither do you." Shirou snarls. "Like I said, you don't own any of us!"

"I never said I did!" Tohsaka's tone is incredulous. "Don't you get it? There are magi out there that will find and experiment on you. They will take you the hell apart and if you're not vigilant, or I'm away, there is nothing I can do about it to save your sorry, useless life! Is that what you want, Emiya? To die so badly so you don't owe me, which you do? In spades!?"

Shirou slowly exhales and feels his rage suddenly melt away. "Owe you. Own me. Is there really a difference. Am I supposed to sign a geis contract now? Am I just _your_ experiment?" He holds up a hand. "No. You're right, Tohsaka. I am useless. It's amazing I got through the War the way I did. I was a stupid child."

"Rin. Shirou. What ..."

Saber hears Shirou's words and freezes into place. Illya follows behind her along with Sakura. Shirou looks at them, and looks at Rin, fuming, breathing as hard as if they had been engaged in a Reinforced duel to the death. 

"I was never good with magic. Even with Archer's arm ... my arm from another person who gave up." Shirou whispers. "And now, I can barely materialize anything. I can barely stay awake. You and Saber work well together. I can tell. I can barely hold dishes without breaking them. And it is frustrating. I can barely be a sheathe for Saber and my circuits are garbage. It's only Sakura who keeps me even remotely competent now." Shirou's shoulders drop. "I don't blame you. Any of you. But in order to be my best, I need to do this. I need to get back to my original strength. I still have memories from that arm. Of how ... he did it. I ... I need my space back. My work space. I need to see my friends again. I need to train. To think. I need to be myself."

 _I need to feel useful again_ , is what Shirou doesn't say. Rin's eyes are wide. The ice is gone. Shirou doesn't entirely understand what he sees wavering there. But then he remembers something. Something he's seen so maybe times. It's fear. 

"Shirou ..." 

"Tohsaka ..." It is the only thing Shirou can say.

Rin smiles. It is a sad smile. "You never call me by my first name. After everything we've gone through. Do you really resent me that much?"

Saber tries to go forward, her eyes agonized over her two Masters fighting. Illya grabs Saber's hand and shakes her head. Sakura just keeps watching with a sad expression on her face. 

Shirou shakes his head. "I don't hate you. I never have. You have everything well in hand here. And in Fuyuki. I just need to do my thing now."

"... don't distance us. Please." Rin has her hands on his. "You are still a part of this. We would not have any of the opportunities we do now without you. And Saber ... she misses you. You can't know. Maybe you do, but you can be so dense sometimes."

"... Neesan ..." Sakura calls out, but Rin hushes her.

"Don't distance us, Shirou." Saber says. "Don't ... be like Archer."

Shirou stares at them. Then he nods. He gently takes Rin's hands in her own. "Thank you for everything. I don't deserve it. But I will make you proud." 

Shirou turns and walks towards the door. Rin is looking at the ground. Illya lets go of Saber's hand. "Don't worry, onii-chan. I know where to find you."

The young man opens the door. He's not surprised to find that he can. He's just as unsurprised to find himself walking across the Tohsaka property. He can almost feel the Field around him, but he passes through it. Suddenly, he feels a hand grab his own. Sakura is keeping pace with him. She's not looking at him. She's facing forward. There is a suitcase in her hand. Shirou blinks a few times. She turns and smiles at him. 

"You knew." 

Sakura shrugs. "It was about time to leave my sister's house." 

"Yeah." 

They keep walking.

"You know, she will take you up on that visit. She still thinks of your place as hers."

"... I know. And that is ok." Shirou smiles and, this time, for the first time in ages feels as though he means it. Sakura smiles back at him.

"Shirou!"

The two stop. Saber is running after them. Sakura lets go of Shirou's hand. The blonde-haired Servant and Master regard each other. Saber's face is red. There are tears running down her face. Shirou's heart catches in his throat. They regard each other over a gulf of space, time, and awareness. He feels Sakura's hand push him forward. He starts walking. So does Saber. The two come up to each other. They are breathing hard and regarding one another. Green eyes meet amber. Saber stands on the tips of her toes to look right into his face.

"You know." She says. "About the memories."

"Yes." Shirou says. "And you know too."

"Yes." Saber takes Shirou's face in her hands. "I felt so sullied for so long. I tried to remain strong ..."

"I know." Shirou finds himself leaning into her touch. "You have always been strong to me. I will never abandon you. Never again. Never."

"Nor I you, Master. You will always be my sheathe." Saber breathes huskily and, suddenly, wraps herself around Shirou's body. He doesn't see it coming, but he feels her: her jumping and her legs wrapped around his waist. Her lips meet his own, biting into them. He grabs her waist. They spin around. Avalon clacks against them. The kiss is hard and deep and everything that Shirou can't even begin to explain to himself. Saber breaks the kiss. She jumps off of him. 

"I ... know." Shirou says, his eyes watering with something he doesn't have to even name.

"I know." Saber says, instantly abashed, but her hands lingering on his before gently removing her fingers. "We ... we will talk about this."

"Yeah." He scratches the back of his head sheepishly. "We definitely will. Take care of my sister."

"You have my solemn vow, Emiya Shirou." 

Shirou watches as Saber, solemn, stoic, calm Saber, seems to skip away back to Tohsaka Manor. Something heavy seems to lift off of Shirou's chest. Then he turns around and realizes that Sakura saw the entire thing. Oh ... oh dear ... His face immediately turns red. Anxiety bubbles inside of him. "S-Sakura ... I ..."

But then he notices it. Sakura is smiling. She comes forward and takes Shirou's hand. "About time, Senpai. The two of you can be so clueless, sometimes." 

"I ..." Shirou looks back to the Manor, then back at her, the Manor and her. "... what?"

Sakura shakes her head. She takes Shirou's hand, leans up and kisses him on the forehead. "Come on Senpai."

The trip to the Emiya residence is uneventful. Shirou's thoughts are hazy and drifting. He has no idea what just happened. Any of it. Sakura seems more intent on the way ahead and has her arm in his. He was supposed to be doing this alone. To give her the time back with her sister. But she's with him. She chose to be with him. And Saber ... and the kiss ... and ... 

They pass the Bounded Field around the Emiya residence and come up to the door. Surprisingly, Sakura knocks on it. Before Shirou can ask, or get his keys, the door opens and ... Rider stands there. She is dressed in jeans and a sweater. Her long lavender hair is tied back into a ponytail. And her eyes. Shirou realizes that he can see her eyes. There are oval glasses over her eyes. Pink-purple irises with square pupils regard him. It occurs to him that Rider looks like someone, a foreigner, who would hang out at the bakery he worked for, or a librarian. It does nothing to offset her tall, statuesque figure or the intensity of her gaze.

She is beautiful. 

"Hello, Sakura. Shirou." Rider says, stepping out of the way. "Everything's just about ready. Welcome home." 


	29. Chapter 29

Saber ruminates over what happened a few days ago.

There was a time she would never have done that. It wasn't just that Shirou was her Master, or her friend. Aside from what ... Merlin did to her and what resulted from that, and her few ill-fated attempts to be a dutiful spouse to Guinevere, Saber never thought about physical love for another person. It had always just been her duty. Then, she was consumed by the Shadow, and it showed all her ideals to be false and ugly: contingent on the imperfect fleshly desires and fears of humanity. After going through the eye of the needle, of the storm, through that she saw that all of those basic needs were not bad things to have, not even for a King.

Iskandar had been right, in his way. The King does need to laugh the loudest, and suffer the most but also to remain relatable to their subjects. Saber never knew that. She wished she'd learned that lesson earlier on in her life before Lancelot, before Mordred, before her death, before ... before the Shadow and what she let it do to her. All that resentment and rage just built up in her. Saber wraps her arms around herself in her room, looking at few suitcases she has, all packed up and ready to go. She doesn't want to think about what she had become, what she had almost done.

Instead, she thinks about Shirou and her flinging herself on him. She thinks about how he smelled. How he tasted. She thinks about his frailty, and the strength belaying it. After all those quests, virtual abuse thrown at her and Rin by Zelretch, she understands what is important now. And none of what came before mattered: none of it except for the loyalty of her Knights, the admiration of Guinevere, Lancelot's friendship, even Merlin's mentorship, and her time with Kay and Sir Ector, and Irisviel, and that first night Shirou summoned her again into his tool shed: into that circle where Irisviel lay ten years before. 

She thinks about how she felt in Rin's arms, and abandoning all decorum, finally, in seeing Shirou again. And even though she's going into another hostile place, on another quest against a potential enemy, she wonders how she could have gone her entire lifetime without feeling this kind of ... happiness. It is uncertain, messy, and with many unspoken parts still left to contend with, but it is a whole kind of new joy that she's never really felt before. It scares Saber. It scares her in more ways than even the fall of Camelot ever did, but it feels right. She wonders if this is part of what Iskandar seemed to intimate that she was missing. 

"Are you done yet, Saber-chan?"

Illyasviel is standing at the doorway to her room. Somehow, she is surrounded by suitcases. A lot of them.

"Yes, Illyasviel." Saber gets off her bed and takes her own luggage. She still has room and the strength to carry Illyasviel's. "I thought you wanted to get more things from your Castle."

"Oh for sure." The Einzbern magus smiles brightly. "These are just some of the things Rin gave me. As part of our arrangement."

"... your ... arrangement ..." Saber isn't sure she wants to know, given how the two mages have been at each other's throats since Day One. 

"Yup." Illyasviel sticks out her tongue in exasperation. "Well, have you gotten everything out of the way with her, and Onii-chan yet?"

Saber feels her face turn red. "I ... I talked with Shirou a few days ago. We will talk soon."

"Good." Illyasviel's expression turns serious, and very adult. "It was about damned time. Seriously, the two of you are completely obvious. I'm glad you all came to this before I had to do it for you."

Saber's eyebrows rise. "I ... I'm glad you didn't have to, Illyasviel."

"Call me Illya." The Einzbern magus says. "You are my Onii-chan's Servant. I hope ..." She pauses, looking faraway for a few moments before seeming to snap back to the present. "I hope we will know each other for a little while yet."

Saber is a bit at a loss. "I'm sure we will ... Illya."

"Good." Illya seems to brighten up, as if nothing had happened. "You should go talk to your other Master, though. No drama on this trip."

The stern expression on Illya's face combined with her finger-wagging seems more adorable than intimidating. Saber suspects that this is more of a mockery of sternness than anything. She remembers Irisviel taking on something of a similar tone when they walked together outside Fuyuki at times. But Saber still feels too dutiful to chuckle at Illyasviel, also remembering above everything else that the homunculus is not a child. "Understood, Illya." 

After some time, they -- and by they Saber -- bring their cases down the stairs. 

"Illyasviel."

"Illya."

"Illya." Saber sighs. "May I ask what we are bringing with us? And how long do you intend to stay with your family."

"Long enough." Illya says, her voice lowering an octave. "The rest are my books. I'll be getting bored on the flight."

"Books." Saber replied, her tone deadpan.

"Yup. Fairy tales. Oh and my dolls and tea sets." Illya says. "I just want to bring them back to the Castle. And get some other things." 

 _Of course._ "You mean, equipment to help Shirou." It is as far as Saber is willing to pry.

"Yes. Maybe even all of us." Illya starts skipping around their bags. "Now go see Tohsaka before she gets all more grumpy than she's already been." She points at her again. "No drama."

 _None of my drama, you mean. There is still the matter of you and the Head of your Clan._ But Saber doesn't bring up this implicit subject. Saber nods and heads down towards Rin's Workshop. She doesn't find the Tohsaka magus at the work tables. She has a hunch. She goes to the other room, the one with the lounge. Rin is lying on the couch. She's curled onto her side. Saber sees the steady rise and fall of her chest, while noting the dark circles under her eyes. For the past couple of days, she hasn't really seen her. She has kept down here for the most part, probably overworking herself. Probably avoiding anything personal. 

 _And she is afraid what will happen if Shirou isolates himself_ , Saber thinks to herself as she gently nudges the sleeping magus. "Rin ... Rin?" 

"... I'm awake Saber." 

Saber blinks. Rin looks exhausted, but the usual grumpiness and half-dead malaise she awakens with doesn't seem to be present. Her eyes are distant, but alert. Saber understands that hunted look. It is the expression of someone who knows they are about to deal with a conflict.

"You are leaving with Illyasviel soon, aren't you."

"Yes, Rin." Saber nods, but inclines one hand to the other side of the couch. "May I?"

"You live here too." Rin mutters, more akin the recently awakened impatience which Saber is used to deal with in the mornings. "Be my guest."

Rin moves her feet away so that Saber can sit next to her. The two sit there, side by side and say nothing for a few moments.

"Yeah." Rin says. "I fucked up."

Saber says nothing.

"I really ... I really meant to deal with it. I didn't want to hurt him, or you. I ..." Rin shakes her head. "I suck at this. I suck at dealing with people. Tantric rites, courtship philosophies, dynastic interactions and dynamics, strategy, you got me. But people, especially people I ..."

Saber puts an arm around Rin's shoulder. "It's all alright Rin." 

Rin looks away. "No. It's not. At least Sakura's still talking to me. I _hate_ talking on the phone, but I do what I have to. And we still meet."

"You still need to talk to her about what she found at the Church. Is it ..." Saber hesitates. "... is it related to what Kotomine left behind in the basement?"

A look of utter disgust and contempt fills Rin's face. "No. She ... she knows about the children. That evil piece of garbage had a lot to answer for, but somehow I can hate him for that a lot more than what he really did ..." She shakes her head. "No. I will get to that soon. With her."

"And Shirou?"

"You heard a lot of it. We both said some really hurtful things to each other. I'm sorry we ... I used you to hurt him. I was just tired of him avoiding me. After everything."

"And of you avoiding him."

Rin sighs. "Yeah. That too."

"Rin ..." Saber puts her hand on Rin's face. "Rin, look at me." Finally, the magus lets her Servant bring her face towards hers. It looks tired and defeated. "You did go about it very abrasively. I am ... just as new to ... whatever this is, but it's not a bad thing. We are still in ... as I would say back in my days in England, negotiations. Shirou doesn't hate you. He doesn't have a mean bone in his body."

"... I know." Rin's voice becomes husky. "I just ... I screwed up. I could've screwed up everything. I just wanted it all to work. I was going to _make_ it work. I just wanted ..."

Saber holds Rin as the other sobs. She hates this. That they are talking now and she has to leave. But something tells her that Illya is not going to come down any time soon. Something also tells her that Rin will not let this continue beyond a certain point.

"I love you, Rin." Saber rubs concentric circles on her back.

"I ... I love you too, Saber." Rin chokes. "I-I'm really dumb enough to miss you. I know you'll be back."

"Yes. I will." Saber removes her hands from Rin and looks her in the face. She leans forward and kisses her. Rin hiccups and kisses her back. They rest their foreheads against each other's. "But you have to promise me that you will talk with Shirou. No. I mean, really talk with him. I wish I could be there, but you need to have a better relationship. We have all gone through a lot together. You can't just order people around. As a King, I can tell you that eventually people will resent you for that if not done in moderation."

"P-people always forget, in your legend, that you are a stateswoman." Rin chuckles weakly. "And you will ... talk with him too?"

"Yes." Saber feels the resolve feel her. "I just hate that I have to leave now."

"Shirou wants you to protect Illyasviel." Rin says. "So do I. We will figure all of this out when you get back. Maybe ... it's good to have some time apart. Get a clearer head on the matter."

"I agree. But Rin." Saber looks around the Workshop. "Promise me that you won't work yourself too hard. You need air and you need to spend time with Sakura beyond business."

"Yeah yeah." Rin grouses. "Legends don't tell of how much of a nag you are either."

Saber smiles. "Well, we will just have to keep discovering new things about one another, won't we."

Rin returns her smile, a weary but genuine one. "Yeah. Well, I'm a magus. A prodigy. Discovery is practically my middle name at this point. And Saber?"

"Yes Rin?"

"Try not to use your Noble Phantasm too much. We haven't had _that_ much time together."

Saber smiles. "I make no promises Rin. I definitely do want to spend more time when we get back."

Rin chuckles. "Humour. I really am rubb --" She stops herself in mid-sentence and blushes. Saber also does, but smiles wider. The two look at each other again. And they kiss. Longer this time. The two of them rise to their feet and embrace. Then, reluctantly, Saber lets go of Rin, bows, and leaves. She can feel the magus watching her go, but she remembers her vow. She will be back. 


	30. Chapter 30

Sakura knows it's time. In fact, it's well past time.

The last couple of days at her Senpai's place have been ... excellent. Even she didn't realize she was missing this until they finally came ... home. The Emiya residence has long been Sakura's home, when she and Shirou were friends, and now that they are so much more. Now it feels more so with Rider here. There was that brief time during the War that the three of them were together, after Senpai lost Saber ... to her. She didn't know that then, however. 

Sakura recalls the heat of her calling to Shirou. She remembers how they made love for ages. She tries not to think about her sister's determination to kill them then, or her own jealousy when Shirou began working with her. It's different now. There is just simply no comparison. Shirou works in his shed, or trains in the dojo whenever he can. It's still hard for him, she can see. She remembers how he would do both for hours, but now he can only handle at least fifteen minutes or twenty depending on how much prana she has been giving him. A lot of the time, he still sleeps and she can tell he is disgusted with himself over it. 

"Oh Senpai." She recalls tapping him on the nose as they lay in his futon together. "You forget how much I exhaust _you_ sometimes." 

It's true: she and Shirou have been having lots of sex. She likes to think that it makes him better than he was. She enjoys resting her head on his chest, in bliss, after another session, and his hand stroking her hair. She never would have dreamed of this, years ago. Any of it. And even Taiga's presence doesn't bother them. Between Rin and herself, hypnosis had been effective enough. As far as Taiga was concerned, not only did Shirou take care of her during her "personal tragedy," but they had been ill and had to take care of each other for a while at Rin's place. She looked ... very happy to see them, albeit a little disappointed when she had been told that Shirou was still not up to cooking. Sakura recalls Taiga being even happier at seeing her and her Senpai much ... closer now. It was no secret, to Sakura, that Taiga hoped Shirou would settle down with her. If only she knew ...

Taiga had just gone drunkenly home with one of her grandfather Raiga's men. Neesan's work on the Boundary Field allowed the owners of the property inherent commands to convince guests not to overstay their welcome. Taiga had been ecstatic to see them again, and particularly Shirou as she worries for him like an unruly younger sibling. But all three involved agree that having some privacy, and the ability to subconsciously invoke it, is an asset. Shirou still needs his rest and time to improve motor function. It really frustrates him not being able to cook as he once did, not without a lot of help: though Sakura does not mind helping him. 

It's this same instinct, along with some common sense, that makes her know that today is the day that they need to talk. 

They are in Shirou's bedroom after another bout of sex. Sakura's fingers stroke his bare chest as she nestles under his arm. She can hear the shower nearby and knows what Rider is doing. They had agreed that she should be the one to talk with Shirou after they all got settled in. They had been working on moving back to the Emiya residence for a while, preparing for that inevitable day when Shirou would have enough staying at Rin's ... when Sakura herself needed another place to be. It was just ... it would never be her home again, not after everything she had gone through the first time around. 

"Senpai." Sakura says, looking up at him. "We need to talk."

Shirou's goofy smile, which she credited herself in creating after licking off the salty flecks from her lips, fades into concern. He sits up, and she rises with him. She moves over and faces him. Shirou blinks. "Is something wrong Sakura?"

Sakura swallows and tries to breathe. She knows her Senpai. She knows everything he's done for her, and that he won't judge her. She can trust him. She does trust him. It's that she realizes she can see a similar uncertainty in his amber eyes. She leans forward and kisses him. Shirou returns her kiss, his hands around her face in a way that makes the lower part of her spine melt. She, reluctantly, pulls away. 

"It's nothing that you did, Senpai." She says. "You've done nothing wrong."

"All right." Shirou pauses. "Are you all right, Sakura?"

"I ..." She breaks off. Suddenly, it is harder to breathe. The next thing she knows, she can feel him behind her. He is wrapped around her. He kisses the corner of her neck. "It's ok, Sakura." He rests his head on the top of hers. Slowly, she feels the tightness in her body lessen. Her heart isn't as much in her throat anymore. There is no bile. Her heartbeat grows steady. Sometimes, at night, she tenses up like this and he holds her: sometimes like this, sometimes spooning her, other times rubbing concentric circles on her back. They can feel each other's nightmares, and far from scaring them, it's somehow made them even closer. They have taken turns, and this time, it's Shirou's turn to comfort her. 

_I don't want to lose him. Not now. Not ever._

"Thank you." Sakura mumbles, holding his arms against her chest.

"You're welcome, Sakura." He rocks her, slowly. "You can tell me. Tell me what is wrong."

"Nothing is wrong, Senpai." Sakura says, the rhythm of his movements soothing her. She is so in love with him that it _hurts_. She tries to think about how to broach this, how to ... get to this point. "Senpai ... do you remember ... you and Saber ..."

This time, she feels Shirou grow still behind her. She turns around to face him again, and he's looking away from her. She can feel his heart beating fast. "I ... I'm sorry, Sakura." He scratches the back of his head. "I ... I don't ..."

"No." Sakura says, disgusted with herself, putting her hands on Shirou's cheeks. "No. Look at me, Senpai. I am not mad. You have nothing apologize for. She is your Servant. You care about her a great deal."

"I... I do." Shirou says, softening a bit behind her. "But you are my girlfriend, Sakura. You're ... heh. You're more than that."

Sakura smiles. "That ... means a lot to me Senpai." She puts her hands on his arms. "But it's all right to have feelings for Saber. It's only natural after everything you've gone through."

A puzzled furrow forms on Shirou's brow. "I ..." Shirou blinks and Sakura can tell he's actually thinking about this. She knows he has been thinking about this for a while. "It's not right. Or ... proper."

"What isn't?" Sakura prompts him, keeping eye contact with him. This is something that needs to be dealt with, right now. 

"I ..." Shirou looks down. "I walked in on Rin and Saber. They were sharing ... they were sharing prana ..."

"You mean, they were having sex."

Shirou's face turns extremely red. A part of Sakura wants to laugh at how cute he looks in his embarrassment, but it's overridden by her empathy. Her poor Senpai would get lost trying to understand all of this himself. "They were ... finished when I came down. I'm sure."

"And you're wondering why that bothers you."

"I'm wondering why I kissed her. In front of you." Shirou sighs deeply. She can see the chagrin on his face.

"She kissed you too, as I recall. Senpai, the two of you love each other. And you love me. And ..." Sakura tries to find the right words. "... that's ok."

Shirou blinks. Then Shirou blinks again. "But ... no." He shakes his head, as though he hadn't heard her. "But she and Rin ... why ..."

Sakura pats Shirou's cheek. "She loves you. And she loves Neesan. And, well, like I said. It's ok." 

Shirou inclines his head. One eye widens. Then he coughs. "I don't understand."

"Senpai, I give Rider prana too."

"Yes. You are her Master."

"She is my Servant, yes." Sakura nods patiently. "She has also been my sister, and my friend. And my lover." 

"Your ..." 

It's disconcerting that Sakura feels both the impulse to laugh and cower. She realizes it's not that Shirou doesn't get it, it's that he simply can't make himself believe it, or he's too scared to do so. It's like a minefield, or a Reality of Swords like the ones she sees in his dreams sometimes. Sakura stares into Shirou's eyes and puts her hands on his shoulders. "Yes. Rider and I have sex."

Shirou looks like part of his mind has already went into Archer's Reality Marble. He doesn't draw away, but he doesn't move either. Sakura starts to feel nervous. She wonders if this is too much for him. After everything he's gone through, and Illyasviel mentioning that he hasn't been integrating properly. Was too selfish on her part ...

"Have you ..." Shirou starts. "Have ... you. Have you lately?"

Sakura shakes her head. "We agreed I should spend more time with you these past few days."

"To keep me stable." Shirou nods. "Yes. I understand."

"No, Senpai. You don't. I see that you don't."

Shirou closes his eyes. "Is all of this just to keep me alive ..."

Sakura's eyes widen in horror. "No. God, no. Senpai, I love you. I'm in love with you."

Shirou looks up at her and the look in his eyes, the sadness, stabs her heart. "I ... I understand. I wasn't there for you, then. She was. When I'm better, I won't get in the way ..."

"Emiya Shirou." Sakura growls, suddenly very angry. "Listen to me right now. I am in love with you. I am also in love with Rider. She is a part of my life, but so are you. This ..." She points at the crest she and her sister made on his body. "This is permanent. I will never not give you prana. But that's not what this is about. I ..." Sakura sighs. "I was so jealous when you and Neesan were working together during the War, but that had nothing to do with ... this. With you, and Rider, and I. Or Saber." Sakura shakes her head, suddenly getting annoyed with words. "What I'm saying is that I will never, ever, make you choose. It would be like choosing to cut off your left or your right hand. I'd be hypocritical of me to make you choose me, or Saber, or even Neesan over the other ..."

Shirou's eyes practically bulge out of their eye sockets. "S-Sakura ..."

"No, listen to me." Sakura's voice grows softer as she realizes how fierce she is becoming. "It'd be hypocritical of me to make you choose when I don't want to choose you or Rider. I want you both. I want you both to be with me."

"Ah."

Shirou says nothing for almost a minute. Sakura can see the conflict playing across his face. "Senpai ... you don't ... you don't need to feel guilty. Don't you see?"

" ... I ..." Shirou starts. "I'm not that kind of man."

Sakura feels punched in the stomach. But another part of her mind eggs her on to get him to clarify. "What kind ...?"

"I don't ... I may not be a hero anymore, but I do not want to play with women's hearts like this."

Sakura can't help it. She starts to laugh. 

"Sakura?"

"O-oh, S-Senpai. What makes this ... ahahah. What makes this the funniest, is that you're serious." 

"What is so funny about this, Sakura?" Shirou's expression is beyond incredulity.

"All of it. Just ... all of it." Sakura feels like she's made of laughter and relief. "Seriously ... Shirou, you are not a playboy. This isn't a ... harem or anything. You are still a dutiful, kind young man. And people love you. You know that, right? That we love you."

Shirou looks down at his hands. Sakura puts her hands to his face and makes him meet her eyes.

"You're not judging me at all." Sakura marvels. "You're judging yourself. You shouldn't do that, sweetie." 

She leans forward and kisses him. Shirou stiffens and then slowly relaxes into her kiss. She can still feel some of his resistance, a lot of his brain still churning this new information. It will catch up to his feelings in time. When he breaks the kiss, he looks at her.

"How does Rider feel about this?"

It is not a question that Sakura expects him to ask. She's ... is it relief, or pride, or respect in him? A warm, glowing feeling suffuses her belly. "She is happy when I'm happy. And ... she's rather fond of you too, Senpai."

Shirou nods slowly. "All right. I think ... I think I'd like to talk with her about this, if that is all right with you."

Stern and dutiful. That expression and manner that he took on as a child and continues on into manhood. Sakura once thought it was cute. Now it turns her on, and more than that, it makes her happy. "She would like to spend some time with you." 

Shirou's eyes seem to bug out again. Sakura makes no attempt to stop her giggle. "I-It's ok to feel confused about this, Senpai. Sometimes ... I am too. But I trust you. And ... I don't know, I think deep down you know it makes sense."

"I don't know what makes sense anymore." Shirou replies without any rancor, or bitterness. It is more bewilderment than anything else. "Ever since coming into the Moonlit World ..."

"Come on, Senpai." Sakura lies down in the futon, her hand on his arm. "You can talk to Rider, or think about all of this in the morning. We have time. I'm not going anywhere."

Shirou shakes his head, and lets himself be pulled down next to her. By the time she moves on top of him again, mounting him, she hopes that her actions speak even louder than her words. 


	31. Chapter 31

Shirou has his head in his hands.

He is still confused. It's not enough that Archer's memories -- his memories or whatever they are -- sometimes surface in his mind at the strangest times, or that he realizes just how convoluted the Moonlit World actually is and now understands why his father attempted to keep him from it, but then there is all of this. 

Sakura. Saber. Rider. Even Tohsaka.

What has he seen this past while? When did everything get so complicated? Right now, he is in his Workshop: though he knows it for what it really is. Despite what Tohsaka might think of his intelligence, Shirou knows this is just a store shed. But it is bare-bones. Shirou likes to keep things simple. Granted, it would have been simpler if he'd told his old man how he was accessing magic and might not have had to risk his life and sanity several times, but here -- sitting in this circle uncovered by the War -- surrounded by old metal parts, tools, sweat, and grease, Shirou generally feels at home: even more at home than when he is in his residence. It calms him to meditate here when he isn't in the dojo, and it is his space to generate his Projections. 

Right now, his sweat shirt is soaked as he summons Kanshou, which in return brings Bakuya to its affinity. He understands now, even though his Reality Marble is still nascent, not even constructed from Boundary Fields yet as he's not regained that focus to draw the core of himself yet, how the two Noble Phantasms work. He also knows their history. Archer ... knew their history. Gan Jiang, Kanshou and the great swordsmith of Spring and Autumn China forged both of these blades from the furnace that his wife Mo Ye, Bakuya, threw himself into as a spiritual sacrifice. In this way, they were practically holy weapons and while the originals had great power, even these call upon each other: made from a woman's love of her husband, and from a husband's grief for his wife. They had never seen battle, but they had not been meant to as far as Shirou understands them. But their bond is absolute. There is something familiar about these blades, to Shirou, that is more than just Archer's memories. 

Now, they lie in his hands, Archer's most basic wards on them. Kanshou as Yang, and Bakuya as Yin. He wonders why Kanshou kept his sword, his namesake, and gave the Emperor that would execute him the blade created from his wife's name instead. Perhaps the swordsmith saw his wife's love and life, their life, in the Yang and her death in Yin. Maybe, in the end, he just wanted to join her in the afterlife. 

For some reason, the image of the two blades keep nagging at him. He keeps seeing Kiritsugu and the pale, white-haired woman that was Illya's mother Irisviel. Did Irisviel sacrifice herself for Kiritsugu's happiness, for something they believed to be holy and beyond mortal corruption? Did Kiritsugu fail to present the sacrosanct nature of his labours during the Fourth War? Did they die for nothing? 

What did they end up making from this: Illya, or himself? 

Perhaps Saber, his father's former Servant ... his Saber could tell him more ...

But it may as well be the story of what could have happened with Sakura and himself, or losing Illya in Archer's memories, the Sword becoming him ...

Shirou shakes his head. He knows these thoughts are fruitless. The blades shatter in his hands again. He timed it. Four minutes. Shirou sighs and wipes off his face with a towel. They are copies of copies created by Archer. He will get nowhere this way. Or at least not nearly as far as he had with Archer's arm and ... the disturbing power that almost devoured his soul. The dagger Rule Breaker, the bow Nine Lives, even a copy of Saber's old sword Caliburn or more ... Shirou doesn't dare attempt to summon those elements now. His body, for all he has been working on it, centring himself, just isn't as strong as it should be, and he doesn't want to get Rin mad at him again, even though they barely talked after their confrontation about a week ago now. 

But Shirou finally gives up. He knows what is really bothering him and he is trying to immerse himself into magical studies and failing as both a magus and a man. It doesn't surprise him that this would happen. Shirou has always had simple goals. Point A to Point B which has always been about perseverance and hard work. But he never thought about dating, not really. He noticed the girls at the Academy looking at him, but he always assumed it was because he was the de facto student janitor, or they needed some work done in the classrooms. But he wasn't entirely ignorant. He noticed how they lingered sometimes, how friendly they could be. But the truth is, he just never really thought about it. He knew he would never have a normal life, or be worthy of being with someone else. These girls he saw deserved someone who would always be there for them, who always had time and money. Shirou knew, or thought he knew back in the day, that he would be leaving Fuyuki and honing what little skills he had: to fight injustice. To be a Hero of Justice.

Sakura never left his side, not since he stepped in when childhood bullies attempted to brutalize her. Their attraction was gradual and he still can't believe she likes him: especially seeing how many times he screwed up before reaching his stride through a horrific War and another incarnation's borrowed powers. He hadn't known about her abuse. She didn't tell him, but he still thinks he should have known. But then he was in her arms and she made him feel things he had never felt before. It hurt ... he can't lie to himself about that. Yet he had never felt so alive. 

And Saber ... she saved him. Lancer would have skewered him through the heart a second time if she hadn't come to his aid. They had spent so much time together and he nearly went mad with grief when the Shadow took her away from him. He blamed himself for being such an inferior Master. Seeing her again, knowing he saved her, knowing she's happy, it ... makes him feel things he can't completely understand. That kiss felt like an affirmation of that. It felt like it wasn't just Saber the Servant, or the King of Knights. It was Saber the woman. The person. 

Tohsaka saved his life multiple times when it would have been easier for her to just either kill him or let him die due to his own incompetence. He knows she had every right to do either. But she used her great power to save him from Lancer the first time, and then throughout the entire War they collaborated. Even when they clashed, she didn't go out of her way to kill him and they worked together to make the Jeweled Sword. She has always been taking care of him and he just ...

Shirou clenches his fists together. He doesn't understand. He doesn't deserve this. Any of this. He was taught, or taught himself, that you found a woman, you took care of her, you married her, you got a job, and possibly made a family together. It is old-fashioned. Even he knows that. But it is straightforward and simple and elegant and pure like Kanshou and Bakuya.

But he remembers the happiness, even in dying, when Saber came back to him. He thinks about bantering back and forth with Rin. And he thinks about the sweet release and relief in Sakura's arms and the strange way that Rider makes him feel ... And then Saber kissing him in front of Sakura, finding Saber and Rin together before that, and Sakura telling him it was all okay ... and then her and Rider ... 

 _It's not right, is it?_ Shirou asks himself. T _o feel these things. I am Sakura's hero. Their hero. It would be wrong to abuse that. I am not a damned pig. I ..._

Shirou shakes his head. He and Rin aren't talking right now. Saber is in Germany with Illya doing something he'd rather not think about as he knows what his sister is fully capable of being when vengeful. But Sakura is here and Rider ... he said he would talk to her. And that is exactly what he aims to do.

He is resolved. He doesn't know what he is going to say, but he has to say something. He dusts off his pants, and gets to his feet. Shirou walks over to the door, opening it ...

And sees Rider standing there.

"Oh ..." Shirou starts. "Um ..." He rubs the back of his head, a tell for just how nervous he actually is. "Hi, Rider."

"Hello Shirou." The Servant is dressed in her jeans and dress shirt. Her strange, but fascinating pale violet eyes with their square pupils regard him from behind her Mystic Eye Killer glasses. She walks into the shed. "You said you wanted to talk?"

"Um ..." Shirou's face is turning red. He thinks about how much easier this would be if she couldn't see his face, but he knows she has other methods of sensing moods in the air.

Rider inclines her head. "Oh. I'm sorry."

Shirou's previous thoughts are almost forgotten as his brow furrows. "For ... for what?"

"You are a magus, yes?" Rider looks at the storage shed, making Shirou feel self-conscious for some reason.

"Yes?"

Rider's mouth smirks slightly. "And this is your Workshop."

"Yes, it is." Shirou still doesn't understand.

Rider looks over at an object covered in a sheet. "Well ... from what I understand, Workshops are the inner sanctums of magi. To invite yourself into that domain, without their permission, is considered to be a grievous offense ..."

Shirou starts. "Oh. Oh. No." He grins nervously. "No, it's all right. I mean, I am technically a Spell-Caster in any case. I didn't think you would come find me ..."

"I am a Servant, Shirou, as you are a magus." Rider walks over to the blanketed object. "When a Servant has the energy or impetus, it is their duty to be direct."

Shirou swallows. "I ... I get it, Rider. Well, consider yourself invited."

Rider smiles faintly and touches the sheet. "May I?"

Shirou nods. "It's nothing special. Just something I've been working on with some spare parts."

Rider takes off the sheet. And stares. She shakes her head. "I wonder would Daedalus would think about the artificing of this modern era."

"Um ..." Shirou goes to her, leaving some space between them. "Pardon?"

"This ... is an excellent motorcycle." 

"Oh ... well." Shirou rubs the back of his head again. "I fixed Old Man Raiga's. Some of his crew's as well. They gave me parts."

Rider walks around the machine appraisingly. "This is beautiful. I can see it still needs some work."

"Yes." Shirou says. "I'm actually surprised that ..." Shirou immediately shuts his mouth. _Great, idiot. You know she reads a lot of books and goes out often. She's scouted this area during the War. She knows all about vehicles and technology. I don't know much much, but she knows what a damned motorcycle is and now you just sound like an ..._

"The Ritual gave me the knowledge of this work and its works." Rider says, circling around the motorcycle. "And it's ... not the first time I have been on one."

There is something in those words that make Shirou shiver. Whether it is fear or ... something else, he isn't exactly sure. Rider goes to the side of the motorcycle and points at the seat. "May I sit?"

Oh. _Oh_. Shirou nods. "O-of course, Rider-san."

Shirou watches as Rider places one long, graceful leg over the seat and settles herself on the motorcycle. He's entranced, though he knows her glasses are still on. She leans forward, grasping the handles. He watches her hips pivot as she adjusts her body. It is the right pose. There is something extremely predatory and elegant about her stance on the motorcycle that makes Shirou feel ... something in his solar plexus. He finds himself avoiding her eyes and now not even looking at her. 

"May I try this out once you have completed it?" She asks him.

"Oh, yes." Rider's words break the tumbled flow of his thoughts and feelings, reminding him of the point. "It still needs some work, but it will be done soon."

"I know." Rider says, slowly moving one leg after the other off the bike. "You are very persistent."

Shirou doesn't know what to say until he remembers that she is talking about the motorcycle and his repairs, perhaps even his actions in the War. "Oh, well ... thanks."

"You wouldn't have been thanking me before." Rider says, her face now a flat deadpan. "You took so many risks during the War. I don't know whether your Luck is E or A+ Rank as these things go. But I almost contemplated killing you a few times, if it hadn't been for Sakura ... and other matters."

This time Shirou knows he has visibly swallowed. "I ..."

"No. Don't apologize. We both know you would do exactly the same thing again. That is just the kind of man you are, Shirou." Rider shrugs. "Besides, you are a bad liar."

Shirou sighs. "You all keep telling me that."

"It's not an insult." Rider steps towards Shirou. "You are honest to a fault. You threw away childish ideals to save the people that matter. Even before, you stood up for what you believed in. You even let me ..." She shakes her head. "I was under orders then, by that worm. I took no pleasure in it. I wouldn't have taken any pleasure in killing you at all. I'm glad you survived. Sakura needs you. And you need her."

"Yes." Shirou says, not knowing where this is going.

"Come here."

Shirou froze. The words from Rider's lips are soft, almost casual, barely even a whisper. But the command in them is strong. Shirou finds himself walking up to her. Rider looks him up and down. She breathes in and out. She nods to herself.

"One day, soon, you will be as tall as I am. I can smell the growth splurt that will happen." She reaches out a hand, but pauses. Shirou looks at it too, and feels his heart pumping harder. He doesn't know what is going on. He ... nods at Rider.

Her hand comes to his cheek. It's odd. He would have understood this if she were still blind-folded and was, for all intents and purposes, virtually blind. Touch is one of those heightened senses for those who can't See. But still ... He knows all the strength behind that hand. It could crush his head, but instead it is soft and gentle but also firm. Her hand brings Shirou's chin up and makes him meet her own eyes. 

"You are hurting right now."

Shirou grits his teeth and says nothing.

"Phantom body again, isn't it." She puts both hands on either side of his face. "Tell me."

"... yeah." Shirou says. "But it's no big deal. Projection has made it hurt less. I can ..."

"Sakura can feel it. She can't always be here to deal with it, but it doesn't do to pretend it isn't there." Rider tells him. "I told her there is a way I can help you. More than I have been."

"So ..." Realization begins to dawn on Shirou in this instant. "You have been biting me."

Rider slowly lets go of Shirou's face. "Draining the pain as much as I can. Yes."

"And feeding."

There is a pause. Rider's face is impassive. Suddenly, the dots begin to connect in Shirou's mind in a way they hadn't before. 

"You fed on me before, didn't you."

"Yes."

"During the War. When Sakura was wrestling with the Shadow." Shirou's brow furrows again. "I had a dream. It was ..." His face starts to flush.

"You were thinking of Rin."

"It was you, wasn't it."

Rider turns away from Shirou. He has never seen her do that before. He can't really gauge the emotion on her face at the moment. She might as well be wearing her mask again. But it's all the confirmation he has.

"Rider."

The Servant looks at him. Shirou steels himself. "Rider-san. I understand why you had to do what you did. You needed more prana and you didn't want to tax Sakura. I understand that. I was also a potential enemy then, whatever Sakura told you. I also know that you don't kill unless you have to. But Rider. If you ever need to feed yourself again, from me, can you please ask?"

It takes Shirou a moment but he sees Rider's cheeks flush. He realizes that she looks embarrassed or perhaps ashamed. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry."

Shirou sighs and reaches out one hand to her. She hesitates. Shirou shakes his head. "Don't be. That was ... an intense dream."

Slowly, Rider's long-fingered hand meets Shirou's own. Shirou steps forward. "You need to feed now, don't you."

Rider nods. Shirou doesn't know where this is coming from. A part of him is shaking, but another understands this. He hurts and she is hungry. "Sakura said you can help me, right? Well ... we ... we can do it now, if you'd like." 

The two regard each other. Very slowly, Rider nods. "This is Breaker Gorgon. Look into my eyes and we will be in the place that we need to." 

Shirou nods. Rider puts both hands on his hips. They drag down to his thighs. Shirou watches as she lowers herself to her knees. Then, she tips the brim of her glasses. _Suddenly, everything around Shirou becomes red and hazy. His thoughts are scattered around. He is in a temple. Or in a bedroom. It fluctuates. Sakura is kneeling in front of him. He is ... chained? It is either a pillar or a bed. It keeps shifting. Shirou can feel his body, every hair, pore, and cell tingle and flow. And Sakura is kneeling. They are both naked. She is covered in a sheen of sweat and his body aches._

_She reaches out, as she has done before, and feels her take him in her mouth. Shirou's mouth opens and closes. There is no preamble. He is immersed, balls deep, into her mouth and down her throat. There is a control there. He thinks, for a few moments, he can feel a pinprick of sharp teeth. Of ... fangs? He struggles. He doesn't know why. But the chains hold him fast. He can't move even if he wants to do so. Her tongue swirls around his frenulum. She is gently, but firmly sucking on his head. It is raw, almost uncomfortable, but the feeling in his balls begins to grow._

_Sakura looks up at him, as she often does, and her lips are surrounded by a sheen of liquid. But then he sees her eyes. They are giving him a direct, bold stare. It makes him somehow harder. But something ... something is stopping him from fully enjoying this. They've done this all the time, but it's different somehow. Her mouth sucks on him fast, and her tongue feels sensuous and longer. Then there are her teeth ... and the way she is gripping his balls. She is milking him hard. Shirou squeezes his eyes shut even though he doesn't want to look away from her eyes._

_Sweetness. Salty. Red. Life. Death. Pressure. Control. Bondage. Shirou strains against the chains, his pain, and the woman attempting to drink him. It is growing in his belly. It is coursing through his testicles and gathering. He can't escape. She is holding him there at her whim. She could end him, if she wanted to. And those eyes, they keep staring right into him as though they will crystallize his very soul._

_And that is when he remembers._

_Violet eyes. Square pupils. They are not Sakura's._

_"No." Shirou says._

_Sakura pauses, his cock still in her mouth. Shirou stares down hard at her. He feels the steel of his new life set in and the murky, red dream world almost feels like a furnace or some form of crucible._

_"No." Shirou says again. "Show me you. Show me you, or stop this. Right now."_

_Sakura wavers. "Are you ... sure?"_

_"She said it was okay." Shirou feels it more than recalls it. "She is a part of it, but so are you. Show me you. Show. Me. You."_

_Rider is kneeling where Sakura used to be. She is in her tight purple garb. Shirou looks down at her. He marvels at her sleek muscular body, its long limbs, her long drifting violet hair, and the curvature of her being. Her eyes are left uncovered. "You are beautiful."_

_"I ... was." Rider says, her hand still on his cock._

_"You ... look and feel like a goddess."_

_Rider's eyes glitter. "No." She begins pumping his cock with one fist, gripping his balls with the other. "I am a monster."_

_Then Rider's lips plunge down on Shirou's cock again. She begins kneading his balls. It is no comparison to before. In this temple, in this bedroom, in this storage shed, Rider is tonguing and sucking on him hard. He feels the build up. It is like fire is inside of his anus as it travels into his testicles and up his shaft, the head swelling._

_"Oh ... oh god ..." He moans. "Rider ... I'm ... I'm ..."_

_But Rider only stares into Shirou's eyes. A part of him wonders if somehow she is petrifying his lower regions to make him harder than he was before. Then he can't take it anymore. Shirou screams. Several hot streams of semen viciously, mercilessly ejaculate out of his cock into Rider's mouth and down her throat. Shirou bucks as her hands grab his hips and she immerses him deep into her mouth to his balls. It is unbearable. Shirou bears down and every inch of fluid is savagely tongued out of him. His balls quiver for a few more seconds, minutes, years, or millennia. It almost feels like his Magic Circuits are flaring. The pain recedes ..._

They are back in the storage shed. Shirou is leaning against a wall, breathing heavily. He notices Rider taking out his expended cock from her mouth. She circles it with her tongue, cleaning up the mess. Then she gently takes it and puts it back into his pants, and zips up his fly. Shirou blinks heavily. She has lowered him to the floor, in the circle, she is holding him. He takes her hand. They lie there, in the circle for a while. 

"I ..." Shirou's mind is still catching up to the events of everything, especially today. "T-thank you ... Rider. Um ... you can feed on me now."

Rider strokes Shirou's hair. "I just did."

"Wha ..." Shirou sees Rider lick her lips. "Oh. Oh ... right."

"So thank you, boy." 

Shirou tries to find the words. "So this ... this will be okay."

Rider nods. "Sakura knew I wanted to play with you for a while. If only for this."

 _If only for this ..._ "Oh." Shirou nods. "I understand."

"It would be best to bear something in mind for the future, though."

Shirou's brow furrows. "W-what is ... that ..."

Rider looks at him and smiles. It is a mysterious, dark smile. She leans forward, putting her lips to Shirou's eye. He feels his body react to her following words.

"I have A+ Rank in _Riding_." 

"Ah ..." Shirou says, as her lips brush his ear, and then his own mouth, tasting his salt, and bitter-sweetness. "Well, g-good to know ..." 

 


	32. Chapter 32

 

Sakura is sitting in the dining room when Shirou comes back into the house. 

She already sees the difference. Earlier today, when he got out of bed, Shirou pretended to be all right and she let that pass. But she saw how his shoulders had been hunched over. Sakura knew he was a lot better considering their ... prana exchange the night before, several of them, but she imagined her Senpai's pain to be like a constant low-grade ache that dulled some of the senses and weighed down the bones and muscles. At the very least, she could tell he was now _feeling_ his body like it is his body. Shirou had promised to talk with Rider after their own talk yesterday, but she saw Rider leave the house and knew where she was going. There would be very few secrets between them.

"Senpai."

Shirou stops and sees Sakura sitting on the pillow near the table. His face suddenly turns red and he scratches the back of his head as he always does when he gets embarrassed or self-conscious. It never ceases to amuse her. She grins. She just can't help it.

"So Rider-san paid a visit to your Workshop, I see."

"Um ..." Shirou sighs, sitting down next to her. "Yes. Yes we ... we had an exchange."

Sakura giggles. "I can see that. Can I see the crest?"

It takes Shirou a few seconds. "Oh. Yes."

He rolls up his sleeve, exposing the glyph to Sakura's ministrations. She reaches over and places the palm of her hand on the crest that was transplanted from Neesan and her circuits. Up until now, the energy flowed at a relatively sluggish pace. It was generally steady, and far less erratic than when Shirou first woke up again, but it still had some issues. She feels his muscles relax under her touch. She turns on her own Magic Circuits and feels some of the sensations in his own body. There is a gentle pulsing now. She can feel the energy, overabundant, almost fit to burst flowing out of her and into his crest and into his own Circuits. She can feel some of the languor in his body, a pleasant buzz, and relief. She smiles more gently now. 

"Rider really helped you, Senpai."

"Um ... yes. Yes she did."

Sakura laughs. Shirou's face somehow turns more of a beat red. "What ... it's ... it's not that funny ..."

"Oh Senpai." She rolls down Shirou's sleeve and hugs him, kissing his cheek softly. "You don't have to be embarrassed. I'm glad you had a good time."

"I ..." Shirou splutters. Sakura finds it funny. It's almost like when Rin gets caught off guard. She wonders if the two of them ever realize, at times, how similar they can be. "I ... I just wanted to talk to her. To keep it ..."

"Honourable." Sakura kisses him again, this time on the lips. Her tone is light and it is, at worst, a gentle teasing. "We know your intentions, Senpai. But honestly: I am glad that you could both be happy."

"I ..." Shirou looks at her and she sees something, almost a light enter his amber eyes. "I ... really care for her." 

Shirou seems to almost look down at himself and at himself, and be astonished at what he said. At what he feels. Sakura feels a bright grin form across her face. A joy stronger than the ache in her own body suffuses her core. "Senpai, that is so wonderful. I am so glad."

"I mean ... I obviously do care for her." He mumbles as she kisses his neck. "She is a friend and your Servant and close to you. And we have gone through a lot ..."

"Now now Senpai." Sakura does her best to imitate her sister and wag a finger at him, though her gentle mocking makes it a pale caricature of sternness at best. "Don't overthink it. I'm just ... I'm happy that you two are happy."

"... oh." Shirou blinks a few times. "I mean, she ... I didn't do much for her."

Sakura shakes her head. "I think you know that's not true. I'm just so glad that two people I love the most are happy with each and ... and me."

Her sight wavers as tears fill her eyes. It suddenly hits her. She has her sister back. She has Rider. And she has her Senpai. Sakura begins to cry. 

"Sakura!"

Immediately, she feels his arms around her. They are getting stronger, she distantly realizes. Her body takes over and she jumps onto his lap and holds him for dear life as she cries. She feels Shirou's hand rub her back awkwardly at first, but then with more surety. 

"Sakura ... I'm sorry." Shirou says, with her face buried in his shoulder. "I didn't mean ..."

"No. N-no. I'm ... after everything." She sniffles. "No. This is so good. So _good_."

 _Master, are ..._ The voice in Sakura's head trails off, realizing the distress she is sensing is something else.

Sakura mentally nods. _It's all right, Rider. We are good. I love you._  Sakura can almost feel Rider's relief, tinged with quite a bit of knowing.

 _I love you too, Sakura. We both do. Remember that._  

Shirou begins rocking her. It was something they started when they began making love. This time they are clothed and often, now, it is used to soothe her. To soothe them, if they were being honest with one another. 

"A-after ... Niisan ... and Grandfather ..." Sakura doesn't know why she still calls them that, but it is a force of habit. She doesn't actually hate Shinji anymore, after all he did to her he was just as a much a victim in a lot of other ways. She pitied him, even as he had paid the price for what he did to her. As for Zouken, she is just glad that he is gone, that he won't hurt her or hers or Senpai ever ... And then there is ... "And Uncle Kariya. I never thought I could be this happy. Ever."

"Kariya?"

Sakura freezes into place. She feels Shirou's hands on her face. He gently moves her head up to look at him. There is great concern in his eyes. "Sakura  ... who is Kariya?"

Sakura's face flushes with deep shame. But Shirou is having none of it. "No ... you don't have to tell me. If he hurt you, like they did I wish I could have ..."

"No. I loved Uncle Kariya."

Shirou pauses. "Oh." He loosens his arms so that Sakura can scoot a bit back to face him properly. "I think Rider almost mentioned something about him. She told me to ask you. If you want."

Sakura bites her lip and nods. "She didn't know him. It was ten years before her time. It was before you and I ever met."

Shirou's brow furrows. "You mean, it was during the Fourth War."

Ten years. Of course Shirou knew what that meant. It was the time that the Fuyuki Fire took away everything he was. Sakura still feels utter disgust with herself for being bonded with, and accepting the force that destroyed her Senpai's life: originated further by her own Family ... whichever way you looked at it. Shirou leans forward and kisses her forehead. It reminds her that he loves her and doesn't hold her responsible for what her Family did. That he only judges her actions and takes responsibility with her. It reminds me that she can keep talking and he won't judge what she says.

"He ... he left the Matou years ago. He was supposed to marry ..." _My mother._ "Tohsaka Aoi. But he didn't. It's obvious why he didn't." Sakura doesn't have to elaborate on her life with the Matou Family more than Shirou already knows. "But then I was ... I came to the Matou and he found out. He ... he came into the Fourth War. Grandfather told me all about it during ..." Shirou starts rubbing her back as she chokes a bit. "Uncle Kariya used to give Neesan and I treats. He was always there. And when ... his ... our Family took me, he came back. He trained with Grandfather. The worms ... they were killing him. But he did it. He entered the War to free me from the Family. He suffered every day. He did it for us. To bring me and Neesan and ... and Mother back together. But ... I think more than them, he did it for me." 

Sakura shakes, but she forces the words out. "He was a good man, Senpai. I watched him ... die right in front of me. And I didn't feel anything. I just thought this was what happened when you defied Grandfather's will. I couldn't ... I couldn't face it. I couldn't let that happen to you."

"Oh Sakura ..."

"He was my hero. Before you, Senpai." Sakura sobs, disgusted with herself, the pain of ten years ago ripping through her. "And I gave up on him."

Sakura's core heaves as she cries on Shirou. Shirou holds her, perhaps more tightly than he has in a long time. Sakura wails into her shoulder. His hand grips the back of her head tightly as if to absorb all of her pain into himself. She can almost imagine his heart aching with hers as their chests and bodies are pressed against each other. 

"Sakura. There was nothing you could do. You were a child."

"Y-yes." Sakura says and then looks up at him. "You were just a child too when the Fire happened. And there was nothing you could do either."

Shirou says nothing. Sakura strokes Shirou's face. "Senpai, I know you blame yourself for what happened then. It was Angra Mainyu. And even if you just don't think you did enough, those people ... whoever your friends or family were then, in Shinto, they want you to live for yourself."

"... I live to honour them." Shirou says, hoarsely. 

"And for you. And for us," Sakura replies, her tone becoming fierce. "Just as I will live to honour Uncle Kariya, who was more of a father to me than anyone in my whole life. And for us too." A fond smile forms on her face. "Senpai, he would have really liked you."

"I think I would have liked him too." Shirou strokes away Sakura's tears with his thumb. "I wish I could have met him."

"He was a photographer and a writer." Sakura says. "If he had never come back for me ... he could have had a good life."

"Maybe." Shirou replies. "But he made his choice. Just like we have made ours."

The two hold each other for a while. Finally, Sakura breaks their embrace to look at him. 

"Senpai, tomorrow Neesan is coming over. She will be here for a few days to look at you and ... she ... wants to talk about some Family business."

"I see." Shirou nods. "It's the stuff she had you gather from the Church, right?"

Sakura nods. "Yes. She wants to ... visit the graveyard where ..."

Shirou waits for her to finish but seems to realize what she is trying to say. "I see. Do you want me to be there?"

"Yes. Thank you, Senpai."

"You know I will be there for you." 

Sakura is quiet for a few moments. "Senpai ..." She looks at him. "Before we do any of that, you and Neesan need to talk." 

Shirou sighs. "I ... I know."

"Hey." Sakura sees the utter chagrin on his face. "Senpai, we are still figuring all of this out. I know how you feel about Saber-san. And I know how much this fight or whatever it is, is bothering you. And I know it's hurting Neesan as well. Before we do anything, you need to have it out. I ... I'm going to need you. Both of you."

Shirou smiles. She can see some of the fear on his face, but she knows now that he will go into this as he has done with his entire life: directly and righteously. "I understand. We will talk, Sakura. Do ... do you know what this is all about?"

Sakura is the one that sighs this time. "I think it's Family business."

"Then should I  ..."

"Possibly of the Three Families. I want you there with me, along with Rider. But if I understand it right, the Emiya Clan was a branch of the Einzbern at one time. If Illya-chan is your sister ... and after what the War did to you, both of you, you have every right to be there with us when we discover more of this."

"I know. We already read about the Third War and the inclusion of Angra Mainyu into the Grail because of the Einzbern." Shirou says. "But it makes sense that there is ... more. I promise you, Sakura. I will be there for you. No matter what we find."

"Yes." Sakura kisses him, deeply. "Yes. We will be there for each other." 

 

 

 


	33. Chapter 33

Illya's constructs, four glowing Storch Ritter with their luminous wings, surround her and shield her against the charging homunculi guards across the snow.

It doesn't take long. 

She flips her hair, attached to two of the constructs as they morph into the ibises called Zelle and unleash their projectile magics. The other two birds also change with another flip of her strands of hair, become mystical wires connecting her constructs, unstringing parts of them and turning them into her Degen: her swords. The homunculi guards attempt to block the Zelle energy bullets with their large halberds, but more of them are brought down. More of them, summoned by the intelligence of the nearby Castle, are impaled by the other two Degen: sprinkling the white ground with their artificial blood. 

These are the ones that managed to maneuver around Saber, however.  

Saber is a blur of speed. All blue and silver, her golden sword cuts through swathes of the Einzbern homunculi. Even Illya is impressed. Her onii-chan's Servant has earned her title and reputation. She isn't even using her Noble Phantasm. Illya knows that she could have Saber utterly obliterate Einzbern Castle: reducing it, its denizens, and its contents into nothing but a large, smoking crater. But that's not what she's here to do today. She watches, sadly, as more guards fall to her defensive wire constructs, and Saber's fast and elegant sword slashes. Einzbern homunculi are some of the strongest living constructs on this planet. Illya should know. But against a fully powered Servant and the White Grail, they do not stand a chance. Illya could have ended this ages ago. She knows the Castle had ordered them to attack them: that her Grandfather is afraid. 

Even so, as she summons six more constructs from strands of her hair, her ibises keeping the homunculi back and her swords -- smaller versions of what she has seen her brother create -- slash into and obliterate the remaining guards, she likes to think that they are doing this on their own freewill. She was there. She was in the pit with all the failed homunculi. All the old homunculi that had been crumbling and waited recycling or oblivion. The Einzbern believed they had failed in their ultimate quest. They are shutting down. Illya didn't even have to return to Germany to make this happen. All she had to do was stay with her onii-chan, safe and sound, while Einzbern Castle essentially willed itself to die. 

No, this battle on Grandfather's part fit him as it is pure spite for her perceived betrayal. To take his and the Family's secrets to the grave. And Illyasviel von Einzbern has not given the Einzbern Clan permission to die. Not yet. Even so, she lets the guards fight her. Most had only been alive for two years. But this has been their entire life. She believes they are alive, like her and Leysritt, and Sella ... and her mother. She sees the cold, calm determination in their red eyes as they run to meet their destiny and she realizes that this is how they want to die. 

She can't fault them for that. As their mistress, she is more than willing to grant them that mercy, to allow them the death that honours the fact that they were alive: that they had lives. That their duty gave their lives meaning. Illya can cry about them later. She is here for a purpose.

It doesn't take long. 

Saber stands over the dead homunculi, breathing slightly hard. A streak of blood paints her left cheek. There is some disgust in her eyes, but mostly pity. Illya looks back and sees their bags are right where they left them. They are in the Boundary Field now, away from the dark spirits and wolves outside. The homunculi, if anymore come for them, won't even bother with their belongings, but will come right after them. The Field itself simply let Illya and Saber right in. Despite her Grandfather's measures and his animating intelligence over the Castle, the structure remembers who the descendant of its lady is. Or perhaps the old man simply let her in to better dispose of her when the multitude of creatures in the Black Forest failed. Old monsters tend to become more impatient when they realize that their time has come: that they are already dying. 

"Are you all right, Illyasviel?"

Illya shrugs and skips over to Saber's side. "Remember our deal, Saber-chan."

Saber exhales. "Right. Illya ... are you all right?"

"Yes. As you can see, I am untouched." She smiles and then sighs as she looks around them. "What a mess. Tell me, Saber ... are you all right?"

Saber pauses for a few moments. She looks down at the homunculus she impaled with her sword. Illya can see that Saber is lost in thought, or perhaps terrible memories. The Einzbern magus almost doesn't hear the swordswoman reply. It is barely a whisper.

"They remind me of Mordred." 

Illya takes in this information. Then she nods. "So your son was a homunculus."

Saber stares down at the corpses and shakes her head, as though clearing those murky thoughts away. "Mordred was created by my sister ... through material that she took from me. As a puppet for her schemes. I never knew that I had a child." Sorrow and anger play out in Saber's green eyes. "Mordred deserved better. So did they."

"There are many different kinds of homunculi." Illya says, looking down at her own hands clenching. "But ... yes. We do deserve better." She looks up and her red eyes become crimson slits. "Come on, Saber. Wipe that blood off your face. We must be presentable. Grandfather is waiting."

The doors to the Castle are open. At first, Illya wonders if she and Saber will have to kill more homunculi and hunt her Grandfather into his Workshop with its own defenses. But it turns out, she was right. Old monsters really are impatient when they are about to die.

Jubstacheit von Einzbern stands in the grand hall. The eighth head of the Einzbern Clan is surrounded by more guards, and other homunculi. Illya can almost smell mages and augmented warriors. Even the Castle itself is humming on standby. She knows that the old man can empty the sentient coffers of the entire Castle onto her and Saber. But he is just standing there. The Einzbern Clan Head is still tall and dressed in immaculate white robes. Staring into his cold eyes is like looking into the heart of a glacier. He stands with dignity: like an ancient mountain cliff of distant contempt. 

Illya feels a lot of things as she looks at the man ... the thing that she called Grandfather. She wonders if Sakura felt much the same way before she ended Matou Zouken ... Zolgen Makiri's life. She can't help it. Illya smiles. She takes her skirts and she curtsies: just as she had when she was prepared to exterminate her onii-chan and Tohsaka Rin.

"Grandfather."

"Illyasviel." The elder inclines his head. "You dare come back to us after failing to complete the Heaven's Feel Ritual."

"No, Grandfather." Illya shakes her head. "It is you who failed the Ritual. Who failed us." 

"You closed the Gate." The old man says. "And you have lost the Dress of Heaven." 

Illya laughs. "Hardly, Grandfather. I gave it away."

This time, Illya can see the old man's eyes widen. If only marginally. "What did you say?"

"I said Golem Jubstacheit " Illya replies, the cold tones and memories of Justeaze Lizrich von Einzbern now spreading through her like crystalline ice. "You are a failure. And I had to waste my time and power to correct your dysfunctional mistakes." 

Illya speaks a word in Aramaic: _stop_. 

Saber, still holding her sword in both hands, looks around as all the homunculi freeze into place. Jubstacheit is blinking. Rapidly. Illya can see him trying to move. But he can't. His motor functions are suspended with that of the entire Castle system. For the first time in centuries, if not ever, a familiar almost human expression enters the old man's eyes. 

Fear.

Illya walks forward, still talking in the clipped, distant tones of her ancestor. "You were created, after my time, to control all homunculus construction and production in this Castle. You were, in essence, this Castle. I can see how you were supposed to be designed. As the eighth head, you would last longer than our biological predecessors and streamline all of these processes to maintain the quality of Einzbern magecraft while seeking our ultimate goal." Illya's eyes glitter with an ancient intelligence. "The return of the Third Magic."

"And you failed."

Jubstacheit's mouth works under his beard. "We ... we did our best. We constructed a proper vessel. We made them from the bloodline of the Saint of Winter, a homologous Lesser Grail to her Greater Grail." 

"You let two vessels be destroyed in the Second and Third Wars. You risked two more afterwards in battle. And worse." Illya's memories through Justeaze corrects him. "You made the error of summoning a manifestation of humanity's negative traits in an attempt to circumvent our work and corrupted the circuits, mine ... my ancestor's with Angra Mainyu. And you never followed up on the potential consequences. You never followed up on the failure of the Ritual in the Fourth War."

Jubstacheit's lip curls. "That mercenary traitor destroyed the Grail. He is lucky we didn't have him executed."

"You stooped to bringing someone outside of the Clan to achieve our Great Work." Justeaze through Illya is relentless, analytical, picking all of the golem's excuses and rationalizations apart. "Even so, he was highly qualified to give us feedback on what went wrong. Conferring with the remnants of the Tohsaka and the Matou may have salvaged something from the situation. We could have corrected the mistake, even without the interference of the Association. Instead, you forgot our life's work ... and you just wanted to win the War."

There is an almost imperceptible flicker in one of Jubstacheit's eyelids. "Only through victory would the Clan achieve the potential to reawaken the full lengths of the Third Magic." 

"Correction, Golem Jubstacheit. Your primary objective, to achieve the Third Magic for the Clan, was superseded by your corrupted imperative to win the War at all costs. If the Vessel." Illya's fingers clench hard into her palms. "If the Vessel were to achieve the state of Holy Grail, even in a scenario without the corruption of Angra Mainyu, the humanoid aspects would become inoperative. If the Grail's homunculi servants were disabled or destroyed, there would be no other Einzbern agents nearby. Who would collect the Third Magic?"

"... the Greater Grail would be infused with the Third Magic from the Lesser Grail and the Dress of Heaven. It would spread its mnemonic capacity to us."

"And what, Golem Jubstacheit, assuming that you can translate the qualifications of True Magic into magecraft, would occur if the Greater Grail of my ancestor's body were compromised itself?"

Jubstacheit remains silent, and it is through no manipulation of Justeaze's shade or Illya's command. 

"Your imperatives are flawed, Golem Jubstacheit." She says, her voice a matter of fact. "You have one or two necessary functions left before you are disengaged from the Castle and allowed oblivion."

Jubstacheit has just enough strength to bow his head, though it is more of an incline than anything deeper. "Thank you, Saint of Winter."

Illya feels Justeaze's memories, so much stronger now since meeting Zolgen Makiri and helping Shirou and Rin create the Jeweled Sword, recede. She walks up to the old man and speaks in Aramaic again. _Bow_. 

The old magus slowly falls on one knee. Saber might almost mistake the gesture as a knight or a baron paying proper respect to their liege ruler. Now Illya can make eye contact with the old man. 

"Believe it or not, Grandfather." Illya says. "Justeaze actually pitied Zolgen Makiri. He at least was a man, a good man, who once wanted to save humanity, a trait she shared along with Tohsaka Nagato. Whatever monster he became, he at least saw what he was and had the decency to admit his mistakes and to die. But you ... you were always a machine. You were built for one purpose. No more and no less than that. And you failed at it. You cost the Clan incredible resources, time, energy ... and lives. And even now, you can't even admit that you were wrong. Oh well." Illya pats the old man's head. "I suppose that can't be helped. You were never really human anyway, something that really doesn't surprise me." 

"Please ..." Jubstacheit murmurs. "Order me to deactivate."

"I could." Illya admits. "I could find the mark on you that gives you life. Inscribed in Aramaic. All I would have to do is rub it out, and you would just be an inanimate pile of stone or biological parts without any life. It would be easy, Grandfather." She cups his face. "It would be very easy to end you."

Suddenly, Illya's eyes turn into hate-filled slits. "I'm almost glad Berserker didn't make it here. I could just cut you up into little pieces. You are animate enough to feel pain. I could make you live for a long time. Or even order you to cut yourself up. Or maybe, I should have Saber hack off your limbs bit by bit and have you thank her every time." She puts up a hand in Saber's direction before the other, chivalrous and decent, can protest. "Or maybe have the other Servant come in. A pity I didn't ask the Black Grail if I could bring her. She would enjoy slowly eating you. But no."

lllya skips away and puts her hands behind her. "You will tell me how I can repair my body, old man. How I can become a woman for my onii-chan. You will show me the processes that will allow me to live a full life."

The voice behind her is just as cold and a matter of fact. "Even if I wanted to, I could not help you Illyasviel. The processes that made you in the last Grail's womb ..."

"Irisviel." Illya interjects, her voice colder by several octaves. "My mother's name was Irisviel. If you really want to die, you will speak of her properly."

"... the treatments in Irisviel's womb were enough to stunt your growth in and of themselves. The rest ... cannot be reversed."

Illya blinks. She draws on her ancestor's memories. She is not surprised. The old man is telling her the truth. He is compelled to do so. But even if he wasn't, she can imagine the joy that the humiliated golem is feeling over hurting her. She turns around. "I suppose I will have to take care of that myself. I will use our healing magic and facilities to help myself and onii-chan. And the Emiya line." 

It's when Jubstacheit blinks again that she realizes it. "You weren't lying, but you haven't told me everything."

Jubstacheit says nothing.

Illya intones the Armaic word for _speak_. 

"It ... is true." Jubstacheit allows wearily. "Einzbern magecraft cannot help you, Illyasviel. But your father's line ..." He smiles coldly at her. "The Clock Tower might have something of the Emiya that ... might help. But even I couldn't access it."

"Tell me what it is, old man." lllya says, anger, disgust, and hope warring inside of her. "Tell me and I will let you die."

Jubstacheit tells Illya about his Workshop and a dossier on her father and information from the Clock Tower. She makes him tell her about the incubators. Justeaze's memories fill in the rest along with her own alchemical training. It isn't a very long conversation. 

"I see." Illya says, after a while. "Well, that actually should be everything. Thank you, Grandfather."

Illya begins to walk towards Saber. "Saber-chan, please go outside and bring our bags in."

"... wait." Jubstacheit murmurs behind her, surrounded by his immobile guards and the stalled Castle. "What about ... your promise."

Illya slowly turns around. Then she walks back to the old man and looks at him right in the eyes. "You disposed of countless lives. You threw my Mama to the wolves before my Papa could rescue her. The Grail distortion told me all about that since I was a child, after she was gone. And Papa ... you left him, infected and dying, alone in Fuyuki City ... without me. And then." Her eyes narrows into slits of pure hatred. "You trained me to think that he abandoned me for my onii-chan. I should let you rot in the basement with the other homunculi you disposed of down there." Illya's hands shake and she can sense that Saber, for all of her moral restraint in not seeing atrocities happen on her watch, is remaining far away from this situation. 

Then, Illya lets herself relax. She brushes back a strand of hair. "Nevertheless, you gave me a chance. Not only did you tell me what I wanted to know, but you did give me the potential to summon Berserker when you threw me into the same Woods as you did my mother." She reaches over and pats Jubstacheit on the cheek. "I only think it fitting that I return the favour."

Illya turns to the guards. "Take Jubstacheit von Einzbern into the Black Forest. The wolves and evil spirits out there should grant him the mercy he desires."

It's as though the Castle has lurched back into life. Everyone and everything in it begins to move, all except for Jubstacheit who, still immobilized and with eyes filled with hatred and terror, is dragged out of the Castle entrance by an honour guard of homunculi. Saber watches with a grim sort of shock, but does nothing. Illya looks around the hallway at the remaining homunculi guards and staff. 

"I, Illysaviel von Einzbern, am now the acting ninth head of the Einzbern Clan." She tells them. "You have a choice. You can shut down, like my Grandfather eventually will, albeit more quickly as I am prone to be reasonable, or you can follow me and I will show you that our quest isn't over yet. In fact, it has only begun. I will not compel any of you. Who is with me?"

Slowly, the homunculi and the other Einzbern quietly nod to Illya. "Good. Continue your duties. We will talk soon."

Illya walks over to Saber. "Come on now, Saber-chan." Illya smiles brightly, more than she ever has in her entire life save when her brother accepted her. "The quicker we do some homework, the quicker we get back to onii-chan. In the meantime, let's make ourselves at home." 

 

 


	34. Chapter 34

Shirou knows this isn't going to be easy.

Taiga had been around earlier, and told him as much. He sits in front of the table with the book as Rider idly strokes his hair. This didn't happen, of course, when Taiga was around. As far as Taiga knew, Rider was a relative of Sakura's visiting from Greece: offering comfort after the deaths of her family. Nevertheless, for someone generally as quiet as Rider she and Taiga talked books extremely well: especially some of the English Classics. 

But Shirou is catching up on work. Unfortunately, he missed graduation: a fact that Issei and Ayako were still not letting him live down, though in a halfhearted manner. As far they knew, he had been taking care of a grieving Sakura, followed by a lengthy illness. Luckily enough, and surprisingly for Taiga, he got off lightly. She and the Principal of the Academy came to a decision to allow Shirou to finish up his course work and graduate with next year's class. In other words, he and Sakura would be graduating together as she has always been one year below him and Tohsaka. Sakura was pleased to hear it. There may have been some squeaks of joy involved and lots of hugging on her part when he told her they would be at the ceremony together. 

Shirou is proud of her. He has made that clear. During his convalescence, she continued to go to school, communicating with Issei, Ayako, Taiga, and their other friends while volunteering for Archery Club, and meeting with the priest in the Church on the Hill. In other words, she kept up their social cover or, as Shirou muses to himself _protecting our secret identities_. He still feels bad about lying to his friends, who actually missed him during his absence, but he knows that the truth would only confuse and endanger them. At the very least now, he can visit the Academy and help out with janitorial and repair duties. Shirou admits to himself, as he writes down a sentence looking over his chosen book for Taiga's final assignment, that it's strange visiting the school now after everything that has happened: especially with Rider after everything they'd gone through there. 

Rider never lets Shirou out of her sight when he goes out. Even when she isn't right at his side and Sakura is there as well, some part of him akin to the part that suddenly excels in the English language compared to before he found himself in the Holy Grail War, can sense her just out of sight. It was part of the deal he made with Sakura and, by extension, Tohsaka he's sure. Even though it has been a little bit of time since their encounter in Workshop, and Shirou hasn't really asked for, or broached for anything more, Rider has been a lot more comfortable with him now. In a way, it's an extension of when she was reading to him when he was recovering from death. It was Rider who understood, more than anything, just why he chose the specific book -- and passage -- he did to write something about in English more than Taiga fortunately ever would. 

"Ahem."

Ah yes. Shirou looks up as Tohsaka Rin enters his home. He realizes that Rider still has her fingers in his hair. Shirou immediately feels his face turn red to match. Rin has a strange smirk on her face. Shirou wants to shake his head. This is not how he wanted to begin talking, or begin clearing the air with her ... especially not after everything else that happened. Sakura walks in behind her, and also smiles: but her smile is gentle and he can feel the love emanating off of it. Shirou is both relieved and somewhat annoyed at having these two juxtapositions occur at the same time. Rider, for her part, keeps stroking Shirou's hair. And Shirou knows for a fact that she was aware of Rin's presence even before the magus cleared her throat. 

"T-Tohsaka ..." Shirou manages to splutter out, but not stutter nearly as much as usual.

"Oh please, Shirou. I think it's a little late for modesty. On all sides." Rin shakes her head, but he can see her eyes are focused elsewhere. He looks at Rider who has put down her own book. She is giving Rin a level stare. Shirou isn't sure, but he thinks he sees Rin swallow. Sakura, for her part, looks like she is attempting to stifle some giggles. Some indignation begins to fill him, with a bit of trepidation on his part.

"Um ..." Shirou starts. "Rider ... Sakura ... can Tohsaka and I have a few moments?"

"Yeah." Rin grouses, her eye on both Shirou and Rider. "I need to check out this blockhead." She pauses and realizes what she said. "For prana flow."

"Uh huh." Rider says, patting Shirou's head, and getting up. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

It only makes Shirou feel marginally better for Tohsaka's face to match the colour of her blouse. "Why y --"

"Of course, Senpai. Neesan." Sakura waits for Rider to walk over and take her hand. "Come on, Rider. Let's prepare some food." 

"Yes, Master." Rider says. "And Rin: I brought some books I think you'd like."

"Um ... yeah, yeah." Rin waves her off, the redness on her face not dissipating nearly as fast as Shirou can imagine she wants it. "I have ... some for you as well."

"I look forward to it."

As Sakura and Rider wander off into the kitchen, Rin sighs. Shirou watches her face. It's as though a smile and frown is at an eternal war on a spreading sea of blushing crimson. He almost wants to crack a smile until he realizes his face is doing something quite similar. Rin, for her part, shakes her head and walks over to the table where Shirou had been working. "Huh." She says. "Herodotus' _Histories_." 

"Yeah." Shirou replies, suddenly feeling more self-conscious as they are alone now and she is looking over his reading material. "An English translation. I am working on that for my final assignment. Um ... how is your work going?"

Rin tosses a ponytail across her shoulder in a dismissive manner. "Oh please, Emiya-kun. While you were napping for about a month, I caught up on all my work. I even went to graduation."

"Oh." Shirou feels stupid. Of course Rin, the prodigy and perfectionist that she is, would keep up appearances for herself in the lulls between Zelretch's training regimen to the point of graduation with the others of their year. "How was it?"

"It was ..." She suddenly realizes what she is saying. "Damn. That was ... I'm ..."

Shirou shakes his head. "It's ok, Tohsaka. I know you. I know you meant nothing bad by it."

She gives him a pointed look and sits down next to him. She is still looking at the book. Shirou's a bit surprised. After their words a little while ago, he thought she would have some space on the mat away from him. "It was boring, really. Issei was giving me hell." She rolls her eyes. "The cover story. He knew you were at my place with Sakura. He thought I was drinking your soul, or manly essence, or something."

"Oh." Shirou chuckles, suddenly his throat feeling a bit strained. "What did you say to him about that?"

Rin mouth twists into a good approximation of a devilish smile. Shirou would have choked if he had been drinking anything. "Wow. I keep ... forgetting you that enjoy driving him insane."

"It's one of my few non-magical perks. I have to get something out of being on the Student Council." Rin shrugs, her voice wry with almost distant amusement. "I'd say I'll miss it when it's gone and he trains at his Temple full-time, but he's still going to help the next Council transition and I can still get a few barbs in there. You know, just like I know you're still playing gopher."

"You never came to see me." Shirou says. "

"Did you want me to?"

"Yeah. You should have."

The two of them are quiet for a few long moments. Shirou has no idea what to say, or how to break the ice. 

"I'm not ashamed, you know."

Shirou notices Rin staring right into his eyes as she speaks those words.

"Saber and I have gone through a lot together. And I love her. And she loves me."

Shirou swallows. "I know."

"She also loves you, you baka."

"... I ... I know." Shirou says, suddenly focusing on his knees.

Rin sighs. "Dammit. I just ... I didn't want you to find out like that. It was not intentional."

"I know." Shirou replies, quietly. "I'm just ... still getting used to all of this."

"I can see that." 

Shirou doesn't miss her wink. "T-Tohsaka, that ..."

"Hey hey. I can see my sister is happy. And Rider." Tohsaka holds up her hands in a mock-placatory gesture. "You seem really comfortable too."

"Tohsaka, please ..." Shirou wants to put his face into his hands and groan. 

Rin laughs. But then she looks serious. "But seriously, you also look happy. I'm ..." She looks away. "I'm glad." 

Another lull between words occurs. Then Rin coughs again. "All right, I need to look at the crest and see how it's doing."

"Oh. Yeah." Shirou scratches the back of his head. "Right." 

Rin shakes her head. "I keep forgetting how much of a goof you can be, Shirou." She leans forward and begins rolling up Shirou's shirt sleeve.

"Hey!" Shirou splutters again. "Wait I --"

"I've seen more of you than this, Emiya-kun." Rin says, ever so sweetly as she looks at the glowing crest. "And I want to see how my investment is doing."

"What?" Shirou's eyes widen. "Your ..."

"Please, Shirou." Rin puts a hand on the glyph on his skin. "You can realize a Reality Marble. And if your flow is almost right, and with time, we can do some great things together. Conceptualize something in blade form, like, for example, some gems and I could have the Edelfelts eating out of the palm of my hand ... especially that Luviagelita ..."

Shirou rolls his eyes. He just can't help it now. "Always altruistic, eh Tohsaka? Ow!"

Rin pokes Shirou's arm. "A magus has to look out for her Family. And their interests. No back talk from you. Huh ... your flow seems more stable. I suppose those sessions with both Rider and my sister help ..."

"Tohsaka!" Shirou tries to pull his arm away from her.

"I was just teasing." Rin's half-grin says otherwise. "I don't expect you to be that _practiced_." 

"What?" 

Rin laughs again. "I mean you aren't a pervert, Shirou. You are an honourable man. It is a compliment."

Shirou looks at Rin askance even as mortification fills his very being.

"Though, mind you." Rin says, stroking another finger down his arm. "There is nothing with that either, between consenting adults. Perhaps a tantric ritual might make your Circuits function better ..."

"Thank you, Tohsaka." Shirou finally manages to take his arm out of her grasp and roll down the sleeve. He still feels the cool touch of her fingers on his skin like ghostly, practiced pinpricks. Aside from that one poke, Rin's touch was surprisingly gentle. He ignores the goosebumps that form on his arm. 

"Yeah. Well, I will have you pay me back. At some point. I meant what I said. You are subject to my Territory."

Shirou arches his eyebrow at her. Tohsaka rolls her eyes at him. "I stand by what I say."

"Saber is still my Servant too." Shirou replies. "I stand by that as well."

"... yes."

"She will be visiting me."

Shirou stops and hears what he said. Rin's mouth is somewhat open at that bold statement. Then she chuckles. "Wow. You really are different from him." 

"What do you mean?" Shirou has this uneasy feeling that he has walked in on half a mental conversation that Rin has had with herself already.

"Oh." She wipes at her eyes and he realizes she has been laughing so hard at his expense that she has almost been crying. "It's just ... I'm sorry, but ... what I remember, he never asked or demanded anything for himself."

Shirou blinks and goes over what he said in his mind. "Oh."

Rin smiles, but it is a genuine one. "Seriously though, Shirou. That is a good thing. It means that maybe, with all of us around to keep your ass from screwing itself, you're not as warped now as I was afraid you'd be." 

"Um ..." Shirou feels a strange presence in the room, an emanation from Rin that could be a true compliment or something even more undefined. "... thank you?"

"Baka." Rin pats his hand gently. "Huh. Herodotus. My teacher, El-Melloi back at the Clock Tower when Zelretch isn't always kicking him out of his own office, likes to read stuff like that too. Ancient Greek Classics, usually about wars or journeys. It makes sense, all things considered."

"Huh." Shirou ponders that. "Your other teacher sounds interesting."

"He likes video games too. I'm sure he'd make you into an addict in no time. Just one more reason I'm glad you didn't go there." She looks at him. "Well, maybe not yet anyway."

"Yeah." Shirou sighs. "We have more than enough things to deal with here, as is."

Rin nods, and this time Shirou definitely sees her swallow. "Yeah. I think after we eat, we should all talk."

Shirou furrows his brow. "The Family business Sakura's been talking about?"

Rin nods. Shirou can see her gaze turn distant. "Hey." He puts a hand on hers. "Tohsaka. Are you all right?"

Rin starts a bit. "Oh. Yeah. It's just something Saber told me. But ..." She sighs, loud and slowly, clearly annoyed with herself. "First food, because you need to eat to maintain that body of yours. And then we can talk about it. Figure some things out."

"All right." Shirou takes his hand off of hers, physically and mentally backing off.

Rin looks down at her hand and then back at him. Shirou wonders, in the back of his mind, if he had accidentally touched her hand where Archer's Command Seals used to be. "Shirou ... it's good talking with you again."

"Likewise, Tohsaka." Shirou says, and finds that he really means it. 

"And I meant what I said ... again." Rin groans. "I mean, you look much better. I can see it."

"You too, Tohsaka."

"What?" She begins to glower. "You mean I looked like total crap before?"

 _Oh dammit._ "No." Shirou holds up his hands. "Hey. I mean, all things considered, I can see how much stronger you are. From my novice standpoint. And you are ... you're doing stuff for you and us ... just ... it's a compliment."

Rin looks at him for another long moment. And shrugs. "Well, I guess we'll have to see how strong we've all become, Shirou. Soon enough." 

 


	35. Chapter 35

"Hmm. Perhaps Grandfather was more thorough than I thought." 

Illya sits in her old room, surrounded by her toys and tea sets. She sips at the rim of a fine, small, porcelain cup, and places it on the saucer as she looks down at her father's file. Saber sits across from her, upon her own insistence. Illya had ordered the maids to remove the original table and replaced it with a leg-less hard square wood surface. The fine little chairs she had to go with that old table were also taken away by her homunculi maids and replaced with cushions. She wanted her room, and her place in the Castle to be as close to the layout of her onii-chan's residence: as she plans to go back there as soon as possible.

Saber, for her part, sits cross-legged on the pillows and drinks her tea and eats another chocolate. Illya knows that, given Saber's natural appetite, her cookies and chocolates would be exhausted in no time. So she simply ordered her maids and staff to keep the desserts coming. Illya figures that she and Saber deserve all the desserts they can get. Leysritt and Sella aren't here to nanny her anymore after all. A sullen heaviness pulls at Illya's stomach at that thought. But something nags at her about it. Perhaps, with some time, there might be something more than she can do about that. 

"Oh?" 

Illya shakes her head. "I was just talking to myself a little bit, Saber. But your input would be appreciated as well."

"I see." Saber reaches over and takes yet another biscuit. 

"Wow. I am really glad I didn't order you to use Excalibur, Saber. With that energy expenditure, you'd probably eat out my entire Castle."

Saber's hand hovers, with the biscuit in her hand. Illya giggles. "No no." She waves her hand. "I'm just kidding. If I had you use Excalibur I probably wouldn't have gotten anything of this anyway. And we'd be at Square Zero." 

Saber's face almost turns back to a fainter shade of red. "What can I add to Jubstacheit's dossier on Kiritsugu."

"Well." Illya says. "You were Kiritsugu's Servant, right? So, how exactly did my father fight?"

Saber chews thoughtfully on her biscuit for a few moments. "To be honest, Illya, I spent more time with your mother than your father. And when I did ..."

"He fought to win, right."

The King of Knights swallows. Then she sighs. "Your father was a ruthless opponent. He ... did something to an enemy Master that crippled him. It possibly destroyed his Magic Circuits. Most of the time, he used modern weaponry and explosives in his work. He ... he preferred working in the shadows while Irisviel and I stood in the front as Master and Servant."

Illya's eyes narrow. She can hear that Saber has more to say, but she is reluctant. "And?"

"And." Saber says, sipping at her tea. "Emiya Kiritsugu was a strategist. He located the weaknesses of his opponents ... and gathered information on them. And then ... he would eliminate them." 

"Like an Assassin." Illya shakes her head, nibbling absently on another chocolate. 

"Illya, I'm sorry ..."

"Saber, you've seen me. You saw what me and Berserker did during the War." She smiles at her, cheerily. "Papa did what he had to do. I'm not just ruthless because of my Einzbern heritage after all."

She smiles a little more widely at Saber's discomfort. It's not fair, of course. She wants to be a good hostess after all, and Saber is dear to her onii-chan. But for someone who ruled Britain in its Golden Age, and into its end, it's amazing how naive Saber can actually be. But Illya supposes it can't be helped. After all, she still looks like a child herself: even if in her heart she is anything but one. It had almost meant her onii-chan's end, after all. 

"There is ... one curious thing." Saber says. 

"Oh." Illya looks down at the dossier, and then back at Saber. "Go on."

"Yes. During the War, we encountered the priest."

Illya sees Saber's face rankle with disgust. "You mean ... Kotomine."

"Yes." Saber's eyes become distant. "Though it was your mother and Maiya, your father's aide, that encountered him. From what I gathered, and even what I saw later in our War in a more diminished capacity, he was fast. I mean, for human ... pardon, for non-Servant standards he was very fast. He could materialize Black Keys, as apparently members of the Church can do, and he knew potent martial arts."

"Yeah. I think Kotomine was an Executor, a hunter of magi heretics and monsters before the Fourth War." Illya said. 

"I always wondered." Saber says. "I wondered how Kiritsugu could fight someone that fast. And survive. Given how smart that monster was, there was no way that Kiritsugu could have shot him from a distance, or destroyed him in an explosion." _Or exploited him psychologically_ , Illya realizes Saber doesn't say. "Maiya herself was an excellent markswoman and soldier, from what I am given to understand. And your mother, for all she never really fought, was an excellent magus. He ... utterly devastated them. I mean." She ponders. "I know now that he probably had Avalon on him, which allowed him to regenerate. But one good blow to the head, and he would have been finished. So I wonder if perhaps it was that ability that crippled Lancer's Master or something else ..."

"I think I know what it was." Illya slides the dossier over to Saber. "Here. Have a look."

A strange expression comes on Saber's face as she takes the file in her hands. Illya can relate. From what she understands, Saber and Kiritsugu were never close, and she seemed to disapprove of him, at least in their days together, greatly. It must be strange for her to get such relatively intimate details about her former Master now that he is long gone. 

"A Magic Crest." Saber murmurs. She looks up at Illya. "I remember your ... Grandfather saying something about that."

"It is the Emiya Crest." Illya tells her, sipping at her drink again. "Papa's family was only a few generations old, but apparently they specialized in Time Manipulation." A sour expression forms on Illya's face. "I think I know what Grandfather meant by how it could help me ..."

"It ... does explain how he could match the speed of something like Kotomine, or even fully trained magi like Lancer's Master and Tohsaka Tokiomi." Saber reads it over. "Your family's agents were thorough."

"It is amazing. Even though Grandfather said he would not have had access to the Crest, they did get enough information about it." Illya taps a finger on the table. "Papa was able to increase and decrease his speed. But he could also affect his ... metabolism, speed it or slow it down. And he got the dregs of that Crest due to a mercenary's agreement. From Papa's guardian at the time." 

"But it will be hard to ... get this."

"Yeah." Illya grits her teeth. "The Crest remnants have decayed along with Papa's body by now. No ..." She shakes her head. "No, he had a Buddhist funeral. That's right. He was cremated, so that really doesn't help. And onii-chan isn't blood-related, so it wouldn't have been passed on to him. Even if Papa hadn't been cursed ..." She angrily shakes her head, and slowly sighs. "From what I understand, it changed the user's own personal reality. It generated something not unlike a tight Bounded Field inside of the body, or a very limited Reality Marble. Using its power the way he might have, it would have taxed his body incredibly."

"Avalon would have almost instantly regenerate any injuries he would have gained." A dawning horror forms in Saber's eyes. "But Avalon doesn't numb or even reduce the pain of those injuries ..."

"Papa did what he had to do." Illya repeats, both in awe and empathy for what her father must have put himself through. And for what Shirou did after him. "Just like I have to do."

"What do you mean, Illya?"

"The Clock Tower still has a majority of the Crest. They took it from my paternal grandfather Emiya Norikata. It is now Sealing Designated." 

Saber reads over the section of the file. She reads over it again. 

"Yeah." Illya sighs. "Grandfather's agents were, like you said, thorough. Anyone else wouldn't have known about the Crest, and might have known even less about why Norikata was Sealed Designated. Studying vampirism is a crime, for obvious reasons. But I can see why magi would do that. No." She waves Saber off. "I'm not interested in becoming a Dead Apostle. I am already less human as it is. And I suspect onii-chan has his fill of at least one blood-drinker in the family. No, the process of becoming one of the mindless Dead and slowly tethering my spirit back into my body is not worth it. But that was what Norikata was trying to do. He was trying to circumvent that entire process with an application of alchemy and temporal magic. It didn't work. But that wasn't an end, but a means. Just like the whole Heaven's Ritual, at least some magi wanted to access Akasha. I figure Norikata was thinking he could become immortal and increase the range of his field to see the end of reality, and metaphysical truth?" Illya snorts. "Apparently his idiot apprentice took one of his potions and there was an outbreak on Alimango Island. Papa was living there when it happened and everything changed for him ..." 

Illya looks at Saber. "I don't want that part of the research. But the ability to manipulate time: especially stagnating it in a personal Bounded Field ... or accelerating parts of my body, my cells with it ... with some tinkering, I might be able to extend my life. I might be able to cure myself of my family's treatments."

"But the Association has it due to the potential information it contains on Dead Apostles ..."

"Yeah. And even before that, it and my grandfather would have been Designated anyway due to temporal manipulation. That line of observation to Akasha could have taken hundreds of years ... or ..." Illya remembers the woman she saw as she attempted to close the Gate to the Ritual. _Eris._ "Or maybe not so long as that. Maybe those experiments might not have been failures after all." 

"It is a risk." Illya says. "But it is the only lead I have. If applied to Einzbern Alchemy and on specific cells, like I said, maybe ..." She suddenly slams her hand down on the table, causing the tea, saucers, kettle, and confections to clatter. "Dammit all!"

"Illya ..."

The Einzbern magus shakes her head and motions for Saber to sit down. "No. No, it's all right. There might be a way, Saber. It's just I'm going to hate this." She looks up, her red eyes baleful and grumpy at the opened dossier about her family's past, and her possible future. "I'm going to absolutely _detest_ owing Rin a favour." 

 


	36. Chapter 36

Rin already knows that she's not going to like what she sees in these files. 

She, Shirou, Sakura, and Rider sit around the table as she peruses the reports. It was already bad when she and Sakura, along with the Church, discovered just what it was that Kotomine Kirei kept in his basement. But for the most part, these follow up reports written by the false priest are relatively dull when everything is said, and done. A part of Rin is vindictive enough to believe that Kirei did this on purpose: to make anyone having read them want to die from the pure monotony of the technical language. She can just imagine the barely restrained sadistic look in that monster's eyes as she's forced to read his reports from ten years ago from beyond the grave. 

"Neesan." Sakura starts. "Just what is it that you're looking for?"

"I have some ideas." Rin tells her, after a time. "But it's ... it's something that Saber told me during our own missions."

"What did Saber tell you, Tohsaka?" Shirou asks as he is sitting right next to Sakura. 

"Well ..." Rin says, furrowing her brow as she comes towards some information on her father. "You know that Saber is unique right? She was summoned in the previous War, for one. But that's not the only thing." Rin lets out a slow exhale. She has to remain neutral and professional here. She is a magus and one of the Tohsaka line. Maintaining objectivity is key. "You might know by now that Saber can remember details from the last War."

She hears Shirou also exhale. "Yeah. Sometimes ... I thought I had a dream of her fighting a warrior in gold armour. Blonde hair. Red eyes? It was just outlines, but the buildings were modern. I thought it was just a dream. It made less sense than the ones about her past. But after everything else that's happened ..."

"That was Gilgamesh." Rin says. "The King of Heroes and, supposedly, the first hero. He was the king of Uruk, an ancient Sumerian city-state. Father ... he summoned Gilgamesh as Archer apparently. And from what Saber told me, we should be very glad that we never had to fight him."

_Not in this timeline anyway._

"Wait ..." Sakura says. Rin looks up and sees Rider put a hand on Sakura's shoulder. For the first time in a while, Rin sees her younger sister grow pale. "Senpai. Neesan. Was he tall? Blonde-haired. Red-eyed?"

Rin's eyes narrow in suspicion. She sees Shirou clasp Sakura's hand: a great look of concern spreading across his face. "Yeah. That's what Saber told me and ... what I saw too."

Sakura visibly swallows. "He ... he was in a jacket, and he seemed to know ... what I was. Um. He ..." In a smaller voice, she continues. "He told me to kill myself."

Shirou's amber eyes glitter with rage. "That _bastard_ \--"

"No, Senpai." Sakura shakes her head. "I wanted to die, then. And after what I did ..." She shakes her head as Rider puts an arm around her shoulders. She lays her head on the taller woman's shoulder. 

"Wait ..." Shirou's eyes widen. "I saw this guy too. He was at the Church with Kotomine when I came to see him ..." He blinks at Sakura and Rin. "There was ... major killing intent around him. He raised his arm and ..." He shakes his head at the memory. "But ... he was from the last War ... how ..."

"The children." 

Everyone in the room, save Rider, looks sick. They know what Rin means. An Archer class Servant could have independence on his or her own without a Master for some time. But if they had a Master, and that Master fed them enough souls, especially something potent and almost limitless like children's souls, it could tide them over for a long while. 

"Yeah." Shirou says. "When I ... teamed up with him, he told me he controlled Lancer. I knew he was a fake priest."

"It doesn't surprise me that he was a cheat too." Rin mutters bitterly. "So much for an impartial Overseer. But ... he had Father's Servant ... Even those, those children shouldn't have helped him last that long without the Grail ..."

"Um." Sakura looks down. "I think I know what happened ..."

The rest of them wait. Rin feels bad. There is a part of her that wants to stop this line of thought right now out of consideration for Sakura. But she knows, in an analytical place, that it is too late for that. And she can't let it go. Her own father's Servant with Kirei ... It leaves a bad feeling inside of her. 

"When I was ... when I was ... linked to Angra Mainyu ..." Sakura gulps. "I encountered him. He tried to ... kill me. But ..."

"You got him instead." Rin says, feeling numb. "That was why you had so much power when ..." 

Sakura nods curtly. Shirou grips Sakura's hand tighter in a way that anyone can see. "... he had encountered Angra Mainyu before. From the Grail. It ... was all over him. Just as it was in Father Kotomine's heart, or where his heart used to be, before I ..."

"Wow." Rin shakes her head. "I knew Kirei was black-hearted but I had no idea."

"Yeah." Shirou sighs. "You really don't. I saw how damaged he was in our last fight. I don't think I would've won if Sakura ... I mean, I'm sorry you ..."

"It's all right, Senpai. I'm just glad that you are here, right now."

Rin feels glad, seeing Sakura surrounded by her loved ones. She deserves it after all the horror she's faced. She quashes the empty feeling inside of her at those thoughts. She has to remember a good portion of why she is here today. "It makes sense." She tells them. "If the Magus Killer did face Kirei down in the last duel of the War, he would not have walked away from that. That tainted thing would relate to monsters like him, and someone as arrogant as Gilgamesh. And those children that Kirei had ..." She barely notices that she transitions from his surname to his first one, mostly out of a lifetime of habit in referring to someone who had been her teacher in some ways. "I ..." She leafs through the dossier and pushes the pages forward. "They were orphans ... from the Fire."

She looks at Shirou. Shirou's eyes widen. Then they lower to the pages. This time, it's Sakura that grips his hand. "I ... it says they were taken in by the Church. Adoption papers. I don't even know them. Can't remember ..." He squeezes his eyes shut. "That bastard. I thought I was the only survivor. If Dad hadn't found me ..."

"You might have already died in the curses in that Fire." Rin says firmly, but not unkindly.

"Neesan!"

"It's true." Rin retorts. "Don't feel bad. You didn't do that to them, Shirou. I mean, feel bad about what happened to them. Everyone thought Kirei sent them on to other families or an orphanage. But ... the Church ... dealt with it when the old priest came. They are at peace now." Rin doesn't tell them about the fact that the spirits of the children still lingered into their twisted, malformed rotting bodies. Kirei had been extremely skilled with Spiritual healing and necromancy. Too much so. She doesn't have the heart. It only makes her hate Kirei even more, to do that other beings, to children, robbing them of their lives -- who could have easily been their age peers -- on _her_ land. On _her_ watch. It is unacceptable.

It is unacceptable to think that Shirou could have easily been mouldering in the Kotomine Church basement with the rest of the children from Shinto. That thought hurts her in a way almost nothing else has done.

"I'm sorry Shirou." Rin says. 

"They have been avenged." Shirou replies, after Sakura rubs his back. "We can ... only go forward now."

"Or back a bit." Rin sighs. "The problem is, as horrific as this all is, it also paints a little bit of a clearer picture. This wasn't what Saber told me either." She exhales slowly and looks at Sakura. "Uncle Kariya was in the War, right?"

Sakura seems to freeze into place. Rin focuses on Shirou and Rider. This is the point. She doesn't factually know where this will lead, but she has a horrible feeling. A part of her wishes that they could surround her too. But they are there, at the table. And she has to see this through. 

"Yes, Neesan."

"Did you ..." She starts. "Did you know, or did Kariya tell you, or did ... Zouken tell you what Servant he had?"

Sakura breathes out. "Um ... I saw Uncle Kariya. His training with the worms ... really damaged him."

"I know." Rin says, suddenly feeling great shame. "I saw him. He ... saved me from Caster and the kidnappings." 

"I'm glad he saved you, Neesan." Sakura smiles. "It's what he would have done. But ... something else seemed to be draining him. A lot. Even then ... I could see it ..."

"Saber told me that during the War, there was a Berserker class Servant, Lancelot, that took on the form of another Servant and kidnapped Irisviel: Illya's mother. The ... Grail at the time." Lord El-Melloi told her as much already whenever they had time to reminisce about their Servants and respective Wars, Lancelot having impersonated his Servant Iskandar, the King of Conquerors. "Berserkers take a lot of energy out of their Masters."

"Yeah." Sakura says. "Grandfather ... he told me Uncle had a Berserker."

"So it was him." Rin looks down at the files. "It says as much here. Uncle Kariya was dying. Berserker and Gilgamesh had a great deal of conflicts with each other."

"It ... makes sense." Sakura replies, reluctantly. "Uncle Kariya made it clear he was going into the War to win and get me out of the Matou Clan. He said he wanted to reunite us ..." 

"Kirei's father, Risei, was murdered by a Master. By a gun." Rin holds up a hand. "That might look like the Magus Killer did it, but based on what I've learned about him since then, it seemed too sloppy. And I don't think even Kirei murdered his own father." _Though maybe not through lack of trying or intent_ , Rin's thoughts grumble. "No. That's the wrong track. Saber told me that before she encountered Gilgamesh again, she fought Berserker."

"Lancelot." Pain flashes through Shirou's eyes. "Oh Saber ... I can't even imagine ..."

Rin swallows too. A part of her feels bad for revealing something that hurt her Saber ... she can't help but think of her as hers sometimes, as much as anyone belongs to another, but this is necessary and Saber told her that she had no issue in her telling Shirou and the others. They are practically family at this point. "Yeah. Now ... it could just be the last Masters fighting it out over the Grail. But Irisviel ended up with Kirei. It could be that he was in Shinto and took advantage of Berserker's fight with Saber, but it just doesn't completely add up."

And now the crux of it. Tohsaka feels her heart beating hard in her chest. "Father ... was stabbed in the Church. After Father Risei was gone. And mother was found ... someone had tried to strangle her."

"Tohsaka ..."

Suddenly, she feels a hand in her own. Shirou is leaning over, gripping her hand. He looks at her with a very earnest gaze, that somehow hurts even more. "I didn't know." 

Rin looks at Sakura. She can see the younger woman's face twitching with a few conflicting emotions. She can't blame her. Not after everything that went down around that time, in her life, and where it took her. She wants to brush Shirou off, but something holds her back. She can't completely admit it, but she needs that anchor, that physical touch right now. 

"Kirei never told me who killed my father. My mother ... she may have been a witness to that violation of the Church as neutral ground. But it doesn't make sense. I thought, after hearing this ... that maybe Uncle Kariya ..." She looks at the writing on the report, that she has been trying to avoid this entire time. A small voice interrupts her thoughts.

"The worms were affecting Uncle Kariya's mind." Sakura whispers. "He just started training with them. I could see it. Even then. He was ... it impairs your judgment. I know ..."

"Uncle Kariya couldn't have defeated a magus like Father. Never mind stab him. No ... Kirei and Gilgamesh, my father's Servant, were working together at this point." Rin follows through with the thought mercilessly. She has to. There is no turning back now. "Kirei wanted to see the Grail, with this darkness completed, right? That's why he was helping you and Shirou. He ... wanted this to happen."

"Kotomine could only gain pleasure from causing suffering." Shirou states, in a deadpan voice. "He said as much, and even if he hadn't I could see it. One purpose that made him feel anything. Any meaning."

"Somehow, I've always known it." Rin murmurs. "I just could never really put it into words when describing that son of a bitch." She grows rigid. "He had been manipulating everything. Almost as much as Zouken. Uncle Kariya's mind was compromised. He still felt a lot for our mother. He almost married her. Then he heard about you, Sakura, and wanted to help you. Knowing what I do of the Matou now, I can understand why he left. But he came back just to save you ... Kirei could have used him. Manipulated him. But ... he was specific in his report. Father was stabbed in the back. He was found in the Church. It was _a blade wound_."

It is then that Rin looks down at her side, at the Azoth hilt of her Jeweled Sword. She can feel the colour draining from her face, and something slow, and cold, and dreadful creeping up into her lungs and throat. It is designed in the style of the Tohsaka Clan. Master passed down an Azoth dagger to an apprentice of their Art. Kirei, after her father was dead and buried, gave her the Azoth dagger that her father gave him as his student. He even said her father wanted her to have this when she was older, or ready. She can't remember the words exactly. But she does remember that faint smirk on the priest's face as he handed her the Dagger hilt first.

Rin doesn't know how it happens. The next thing she knows, she is hearing a muffled screaming. She doesn't know where it's coming from. Strong arms grip her body. Her face is buried into a masculine chest. She is clawing at something. She realizes, belatedly, that she is the one who's screaming. She starts punching and kicking. But then she, somehow, knows now that it's Shirou. Shirou is holding her. Rin gasps away from his chest and begins sobbing. Deep, hard, heart wrenching sobbing. She feels someone surrounding her from the back and feels them trembling, but holding her no less firmly. She can smell Sakura's scent. 

"Oh god ..." Rin chokes out. "They ... they killed him. And crippled our Mother and ..." 

"N-Neesan ..." Sakura whispers, her voice shaking. "I-I'm so sorry ..."

"No ..." Rin feels violated. She imagines, in a distant part of her mind, that this just a small taste or flavour of what Sakura has had to deal with every day of her life with the Matou: that taste of betrayal, and violation. Blackness fills her mind as she bites down on the fabric of Shirou's shirt. "That bastard. That evil, fucking, treacherous piece of shit ... Uh. Uhuhuh. Uhhhhh ..."

Shirou and Sakura hold Rin tight. She can vaguely smell Rider's perfume as she presumably holds Sakura from behind. 

Rin loses track of time. Someone is holding her arm. She needs to go home. She knows this. She needs to go back to the Manor. Right now, she's imposing. Sakura has no reason to feel any grief over this. This is their space and she needs to get a hold of herself. 

"A-at least I know ..." She murmurs absently. "At least I know now ..."

"Tohsaka." The voice is gentle, but firm. "Come along now. Sakura?"

"It's ok Senpai. Rider's here. We'll be here. Take Neesan to the guest room."

"N-no ..." Rin stutters. "N-no, baka. I'm fine. Just take me to the door."

"Like hell."

Rin opens her mouth, and closes it. She wants to argue, but the words won't come out.

"It's all right, Neesan. We will be here."

"... ok." Rin hears a small voice, her own this time, say. 

Shirou is guiding her to the room. She vaguely sees it. A part of her knows that she's in terrible shock, and it's a trauma that even her Crest can't deal with. Her father's Crest. It was given to her after he died. And Kirei helped place it on her ... Her teeth vibrate hard in her mouth. Shirou has his arm around her. He guides her into the room, sliding open the door. He lays her down on the futon, putting some blankets over her. She's so cold. He kneels near the bed and awkwardly strokes her hair. He is about to get up, when she lunges out one arm. She wraps her arms around him. No words are exchanged between them. He lies down along side her, on the edge of the futon and gingerly opens up his arms. Rin's composure is gone. All pride or humility blasted away. She needs contact. She needs to be held. 

Strong arms surround her as she wails into a shirt. A hand strokes her hair as her chest implodes with agony until, finally, her gasps subside and oblivion finally takes her. 

 


	37. Chapter 37

 

Shirou starts awake.

His arm is cramped. It is dark now. The sliding door to the room is open, with light peeking through. He attempts to stretch, to move his cramped arm, until he notices it is wrapped around someone. 

He's not sure how he knows it isn't Sakura. For one, he realizes he's in one of the guest rooms. But Sakura's perfume is absent. They aren't even lying on their usual sides of the futon. Nor is it the lilac of what he can remember from Rider, and they have not been in bed together ... Shirou is suddenly wide awake as he makes out the form he is holding. Rin is curled into something of a fetal position. It doesn't take him long to remember the events that happened earlier in the night, and a growing dread sinks into the pit of his being.

_Oh shit._

Shirou almost panics. _Get a grip, Emiya._ He tells himself. _Calm down._

He takes stock of the situation. They are both fully clothed. Obviously neither had any alcohol, or any other mood altering substances. Rin was in shock. He remembers her shaking against him like a leaf. Shirou knows how much she would hate anyone to see her so vulnerable. Sakura told him to take her to the guestrooms. Rin wanted to leave, but there was no way he was going to let her go home by herself after a revelation like that. It had been hard enough for him, to find out more about those children from Shinto, and Gilgamesh threatening Sakura's life, but everything Rin knew -- or didn't know -- just got obliterated out from under her. 

Nothing happened between them. Shirou feels dumb just thinking about that. Rin was in pain, and she needed someone to stay with her. Rin is his friend. She has saved his life so many times, and despite her hostility during the War, he is glad that he could do anything at this point to give her some sense of comfort. But then he thinks about Rin's parents: her mother and father. 

He thinks about Sakura.

 _Dammit._ He knows about the sisters. If Rin had this reaction, he can only imagine what Sakura is going through earlier. Perhaps even right now. He doesn't even know how long he dozed off for in the guest room, the door open, with Rin in his arms ...

Shirou blushes fiercely at his own stupidity. He needs to get to back Sakura in their room. Slowly, carefully, hoping that one can't have E Luck Rank as a relatively normal human being, Shirou slowly untangles his arm from where it is wrapped around Rin's waist. So far so good ... And it is all very well and good, until Shirou notices two things. 

First, his pants feel much smaller. And second, Rin is clutching his hand with hers.

Shirou groans in both complete humiliation, and something verging on horror. 

 _It's not unusual._ He tells himself. _Guys get like this when they first wake up. No big deal._ Shirou's thoughts manage to splutter somehow. _I mean, Tohsaka is a girl, a woman, and you were comforting her ... I mean, body warmth and all. It's nothing. It's natural. Nothing even personal. And she ..._

Shirou uses every inch of careful dexterity to gently move his hand from her fingers, trying to free himself and also not waking her. _She needed someone to be there for her. And you were. You did nothing wrong, Emiya. It's all good. You just need to go, now, and be there for Sakura. You can even talk in the morning. Just ..._

"Mm."

He freezes. Shirou looks down and feels that most of Rin's grip has been relaxed around his hand. He doesn't want to leave her alone. Not after all of this. But he also knows that she might not react well if and when she regained her senses: especially with that major source of pride of hers. And this isn't even thinking about his relationship with her sister, what she saw of whatever it is he has with Rider ... and Saber and ... all of that ... 

 _I am not a pig._ Shirou tells himself, remembering what he said to Sakura not that long ago. 

His heart aches. Though she's restless now, shifting in her sleep, Rin looks years younger. He is so afraid of when she wakes up and all that exhaustion, and pain falls back onto her face, into her eyes, and she thinks she has to be strong again ... and alone in this room. 

"Thank you ..." Rin whispers.

Shirou forgets to breathe. 

"Thank you for being there for me." Rin murmurs, turning over to his side, her eyes opening into bleary, sleepy slits. _"Archer ..."_

Shirou swallows. It is a pang of emotion that he can't quite name. Most of it is awkwardness. It makes sense, of course, given everything that has gone down during and after the War. But another part is sadness for Rin, for what she lost, for feeling alone, and ... something else ...

 _She's asleep._ His thoughts berate him. _She didn't mean to mistake you for him._

Still, as Shirou extricates his hand from Rin's grasp, he moves one of her ponytails away from her face. He makes sure to smooth down the blanket so that she is fully covered, gets up, and slides the door behind him. Shirou slowly walks away from the guest room and approaches his own. He stands in the hall for a few moments and wills his bodily reaction to subside. He quietly slides open the door ...

Sakura lies in their futon ... with Rider holding her in her arms.

Shirou pauses in the doorway. His mind blinks a few times. Nothing in his life, even in this War and its aftermath had prepared him for this scenario. They are clothed, Shirou can see that much. He imagines that Rider is holding her Master, Sakura, much in the way that he had been comforting Rin ... save for the fact that he knows they are still intimate. It occurs to Shirou that aside from the usual Master and Servant prana transfer, they may not have been intimate in _that_ way for quite some time.  Sakura had been spending a lot of time with him after he had finally regained consciousness. But now, when she needed him, he had comforted her sister instead.

And here they are.

Something unnamed twists inside of Shirou. They look so beautiful together: Sakura's violet hair complementing Rider's lavender. It is a disconcerting feeling to realize that your space has become something that isn't your space, and has nothing to do with you. There is an alien, but familiar beauty to it: like art except it is created by two thinking, feeling, beings that you care for while you were away ... and you know, right now, that you can't and should not touch it ... or them. 

Shirou watches Sakura and Rider sleep, and then slowly slides the door closed. 

He stands there, looking at the closed door for a few moments, and feeling out of his depth. He shakes his head. He walks away from their room, and heads outside. His bones are beginning to hurt again. Some Projection practice might help him, and it wouldn't be the first time he's gone to sleep in his Workshop. At least, this time around given his recovery period, he's gotten smart enough to bring a sleeping bag in there with him after Sakura's constant pestering, and Rider placing the bag right outside of the storehouse. 

Shirou sighs as he enters his Workshop, closing the door behind him. He knows that this is going to be a long night and, whatever happens tomorrow, it may well prove to be a longer day. 


	38. Chapter 38

"Is Senpai all right?"

"Yes." Rider comes back into the room, holding Shirou in her arms. "At least, this time, he had the sense to go into his sleeping bag."

Rider watches Sakura shake her head with fond exasperation as Rider places Shirou down on the futon. She moves a few more inches away, just to give them a little more space on the mattress. "Stubborn Senpai. At least he wasn't slumped over the table, like usual." 

"Sakura." Rider says. "Are you ... all right?"

Last night had been brutal for almost everyone in this house, and especially their guest. Rider had all but carried Sakura back to her room and undressed her: helping her put on Shirou's yukata instead. The dark cloth looks little big on her, but it made her feel better. She could tell as her muscles relaxed, and she fell into something of a dreamless sleep after a while. Rider didn't know what to expect, exactly, from the revelations of last night. And now the boy. It's the second time she had to carry one of the residents of this house to their bed.

As she places Shirou down, she sees him shift. "Oh ..." One bleary amber eye opens and regards the two of them. Rider sees Sakura's exhausted face look down at Shirou's weary one. He looks around and stretches. "Oh ... I'm sorry. I must've been working late ..." He blinks. "Oh damn."

"Senpai." Sakura strokes his face. "You didn't over do it again, did you?"

Shirou's face turns red. "I ... well, I almost traced Rule Breaker properly again. I'm ... getting better, but ..." He looks at them, and away. "Rider."

Rider regards him, watching every awkward movement he makes. "Shirou."

"I'm sorry ..." Shirou says, looking at Sakura. "Last night, I took Rin to the guest room. But I ... I stayed with her."

"We know, Senpai."

Rider smells the blood, originally suffusing the boy's face, draining away at those words. "I ... we ..."

"Sakura sent me to check on you." Rider says, deciding to curtail her fun in tormenting the boy with suspense. "I took her to bed not long after you left upstairs with Rin. We know that nothing happened."

"... and ..." Sakura puts a hand on Shirou's shoulder. "It's ... okay if something ... did or might happen. I care for you and Neesan."

Shirou blinks. He blinks again. Rider almost feels sorry for the boy. "No ..." Shirou finally says, shaking his head. "She's hurting. A lot. She's grieving."

This time, Sakura looks away. "I know. I ... I'm going to go see her now."

"You are a good man, Shirou." 

Shirou looks at Rider. "No. No Rider. I ... I'd like to think I am a decent human being. And ..." He grits his teeth. "My friend was hurting. She still is. And I couldn't leave her. I ... I should have told you ..."

Rider thinks about telling him that not all men have the same idea with regards to "decent humanity." But she never once compared him to the others, especially not the men and so-called heroes of ancient Achaia. But she can't let the other facts go. Not for her Master's sake. And not for hers. "I should told you that I was staying with Sakura." Rider says, nodding towards Sakura. "This is your room together. I saw you come in last night." 

For some reason, an incredibly guilty expression takes over Shirou's face before he unsuccessfully attempts quash it. "... oh."

"I should have said something." Rider says calmly. "Or left."

"No." Shirou replies. "No. No it's okay ..."

"This is our space, Senpai." Sakura tells him. "We really should have asked."

"And I am telling you, right now." Shirou says. "That this is all right. Ever since I woke up, I've been taking so much of your time. You can take that time together. Here, or in your own room, Rider. Just ... let me know."

Rider smiles. She told Sakura that they had nothing to worry about, but having that confirmation does feel ... pleasant. Sakura's tired face seems to lose a few years of worry as she beams at him. "Oh Senpai ..." She kisses him. 

Shirou kisses her back. "You know I'm not a normal magus. I'm mostly a Spell-caster. I'm not a stickler for the rules for my Workshop like Tohsaka is ..." He sighs. "So ... why would I be for this? I mean, of course Workshops are different from this ..."

"Quit while you are ahead, boy." Rider leans over, and kisses Shirou herself. 

Shirou freezes into place. Sakura looks at them with a faint smile on her face. Rider smirks. She can't help it. The boy has to know just how lucky he really is. He just can't quite comprehend this fact. Maybe none of them fully understand just how fortunate they truly are at this point. 

"Rider went out to get something to eat." Sakura says. "And she didn't find you in the kitchen. Or with Neesan. It didn't take her long to get you." She muses his hair, making Shirou wince. Rider smirks at this display of affectionate annoyance. "But I'm going to check in on her." She exhales. "Later tomorrow, if she's still up to it, we're going to visit the graveyard."

"I ... see." Shirou says, about to get up. "I will get ..."

"No, Senpai." Sakura takes one finger and gently pushes it on his chest, directing him back into bed. "You are going to get some proper rest. I'll start brunch." Before he can protest, Sakura looks meaningfully at Rider. "Rider's going to help you rest."

"... help me rest?"

Rider chuckles at the puzzled look on Shirou's face. Even Sakura, at this point, almost looks like she wants to face-palm. "Yes, Senpai." She laughs. "We agreed this morning, before she left to find you."

Rider gives what she thinks is a grave nod. "Sakura could feel you. You need some more aid."

Shirou looks at Sakura and Rider with incredulity. Rider sighs inwardly. There's no helping it. The boy really is slow. They will just have to keep demonstrating this fact. Sakura leans forward and kisses Shirou again. "Love you, Senpai."

She skips to the door, and looks back at them. There is some consideration in her expression, and not a small bit of mischief on her lips. She slides the door open, and behind her. Shirou looks up at Rider. 

"Well. Um ..." Shirou says. "Thank you for bringing me back here, Rider."

Rider's smile turns predatory. "Who says that I did it _just_ for you, boy?" 

Shirou jolts. Those amber eyes, usually stoic or brave, have widened into something not unlike the gaze of a prey animal. "Oh. Yes. I mean, Sakura did send you --"

"Enough talk." Rider slowly licks her lips, her eyes glittering from behind her lenses. "I'm hungry."

"Oh. Well, maybe I should go make --"

Rider immediately climbs on top of Shirou. Shirou jolts, but her hands grab his wrists. She moves her body weight down and pins him. She leans in and kisses him. Harder this time. Her tongue reaches into his mouth and plays with his own. He stiffens and slowly melts under her. She can feel him trembling. And her hunger, the ache inside her, turns into a more palpable, warm, tingly wetness. Slowly, she withdraws her tongue and mouth from his own, and bites down on his lower lip in her passing. 

Shirou's face is flushed as Rider reaches up and strips her shirt off from over her arms and head, revealing her statuesque body and large, firm breasts for the boy to see. She grins at the evidence of his very clear arousal. 

"You never did quite get rid of that erection from before. From the guestroom." 

Shirou's mouth opens. "What ..."

 _This is just too much fun._ "It's all right." Rider says, stripping off her panties. "I can work with that." 

She settles her weight on his groin and begins undulating her hips, gyrating on top of him. Shirou watches as Rider settles and moves on him rhythmically. The semi-hard shape in his pants begins to stiffen. She takes her hands and roams them down his chest and torso. She begins to move his shirt away and leave hard, sharp kisses and bites down his body. "I have a promise to keep." She says, looking up before going downwards. "Do you remember?"

"Remember ..." Shirou watches her move downward, sliding off of him, and crawling down towards his groin like a beautiful, silken spider. She can feel his eyes on her buttocks and her hips and her arching back. She's glad she didn't wear a bra before sleeping with Sakura. Her hands rake down his chest, but it's her teeth that find the zipper of his fly. She can feel him jolt as he realizes what she's doing. Rider's tongue undoes the button while her teeth unzip the fly. She yanks his pants downward and throws them away, underwear and all. She can already smell his pre-cum. She takes his cock in her hands and begins massaging it, running her thumb up and down his forming slickness and throbbing frenulum, brushing his swelling head. 

She looks down at Shirou. He is fairly big now, perhaps bigger than when she took him in her mouth back in the storage house. He's frustrated. She can tell. She can read it in the way he twitches under her. Sakura didn't have time to give him his infusion of prana today. That is all right, though. There will be time for that later. But right now, she has to do her part.

"I have to obey my Master." Rider murmurs playfully, as she maneuvers herself over his cock and eases it, slowly, into her pulsating, wet mound. "You heard her."

"Oh." Shirou says in a small voice as the situation really begins to dawn on him. _"Oh ..."_

"Good boy." 

Rider hisses slowly as she feels Shirou fill her. She takes him in, all the way to his balls. He tries to rise, but her arms push him back onto the bed. It isn't hard and vicious like Poseidon was all those millennia ago back in Athena's Temple. He pulsates inside of her, strong and vulnerable all at the same time. Just like when he dared to confront her during the War. She shivers. Very slowly, and carefully, she undulates on him. She watches him watching her move sinuously on his groin, moving his erection inside of her. Rider watches his mouth open and close as he begins to register her walls moving in on his shaft. They massage him. They eat him without teeth. Shirou's eyes are wide before he leans back. She takes his hands. She takes his hands into her own and roams them up her body to her breasts. 

She closes her eyes. She feels his hands on her breasts. She hears the shaking, but controlled breaths of his lungs as his body takes over, syncing up with hers. She can smell his sweat, his pre-cum, and the little bit of rust from where she bit his lip. She begins to feel his cock swelling and moves even more slow, even more gentle, but firm. He groans underneath her. It is like riding Bellereophon, and she knows she will ache later, possibly not even be alone to walk properly. But she knows he will take much longer to get up from what she is doing to him right now. 

He hurts. He hurts in all the right ways. Inside of her, stretching the outer part of her, layers of skin rubbing around her swollen nub, sliding against its internal parts on her upper wall. It feels so good, and it hurts. She gyrates more firmly, faster. She can feel his tension mounting. Mounting. Like she is mounting him. He moans. But now she is getting a better sense of it. That moment. She slows down again, still grasping him, still keeping him stimulated, but enjoying the experience. Letting him feel her warmth. 

She prompts him to play with her nipples. The boy learns fast, with direction, she finds. Other men did as well when she had to feed more, along with women. But there is just something primal, beautiful, about pinning this boy down and taking her time in taking what she wants from him. 

"Oh my god Rider ..."

Rider smiles. She leans down and kisses him. She feels Shirou's arms wrap around her waist and she slides up and down his shaft. Her legs wrap into his, like stirrups. She widens for him as he slides harder and faster, until her internal muscles take over and massage him in and out of her. She pulls away from the taste of his gasping mouth. 

"I told you ..." She says to him.

"Rider ..." Shirou says again. "I ... what ..."

"It's almost time." Rider gasps, feeling it building, letting it build. She could go longer, she wants it now. She wants it, and him now. "Do it. Give me your prana, boy."

"Oh ... oh god Rider ..."

She is engulfing him deeper and deeper. Her muscles massaging and squeezing him with the undulating movements of her hips and pelvic movements. Shirou's squeezing his eyes shut. His teeth are gritting down together hard. He is squeezing her breasts as she sits up again and moves on him hard. He's trembling. Shaking. She can feel him swelling up, his balls tightening. His cock moves in her like a serpent from one of her legends. From her monstrous form. She can't take much more. She looks down on him and lowers her glasses.

"Now, boy." She tells him. "Come in me. Right now. Come in me."

Her Mystic Eyes focus on his cock and they can both feel it harden before she lifts her gaze to his eyes and grips his face to make him look at her. Blood-red womb-like reality surrounds them in a temple of crimson, a bedroom, an island ... constantly shifting with the unfurling of her orgasms. Rider growls and screams, biting down into Shirou's neck as he thrusts hard and deep inside of her and releases himself into her, losing himself in her. She thinks she hears him call her name as their bodies tighten and writhe against each other. Prana, smelling of metal and the forge, hits her wall and oozes out of her. Her own scent covers him and the ache in his bones diminishes. Another orgasm hits her, and massages Shirou again, making his eyes widen as his head tilts back and he comes again. After-shocks made into a stronger ecstasy. And Rider travels the waves, guiding him with her, keeping them on course through the red and the black until ...

They are back in his and Sakura's room. Rider lies on top of Shirou's prone form. They are soaked in sweat. She feels a hand gently stroking her back almost reverently. She holds him, waiting for him to subside inside of her. Her body fills with prana that isn't her Master's, but is becoming familiar to her nonetheless. Slowly, after a time, she removes herself from him with one hand, and lies beside him. She takes her hand, where she touched them, and licks it, savouring their endeavours. She turns and curls up next to Shirou: who is still in his own post-orgasmic world. She rests beside him and lowers her lips to his ear.

"A+ Riding."

Shirou turns and shakily nods. "Uh ... huh ..." 

Rider smirks. She curls up at his side and guides his hand over, to touch her back. She realizes that this could be fun. That she could really get used to this. 


	39. Chapter 39

Sakura smiles to herself, allowing herself this little bit of happiness as she leaves Shirou in Rider's care. She can already feel them, to some extent. Part of it is the only way she's going to keep Shirou from over-exerting himself: at least in one way. 

It had been a hard night. Thinking about the Fourth War and her ... and Tohsaka Tokiomi and Aoi, and what happened to her uncle had been a lot. Father Kotomine did something to her Uncle Kariya. She is sure of it. Just as much as she's sure that Zouken primarily contributed to his destruction, Kotomine helped him a long the way for some ... twisted, horrible reason. She saw into that priest's heart when Angra Mainyu had a bond with her. She saw what he was capable of doing, of being, and the only things that he could feel. Her Senpai was right. Kotomine Kirei only gained pleasure from the suffering of others, and her uncle suffered a lot already. He was the kind of person who would help someone, just to set them up for an even greater torment ... just for his own amusement. 

Sakura's fingernails bite into the palms of her hands. She breathes out, and relaxes her hands to either side of her. She thinks about her Senpai right now and what Rider is doing to him, with him. She smiles. She holds onto that. She and Rider had talked about this, had come to this understanding. Besides, she needs Shirou out of the way right now. Her Senpai is a good man, she knows this perhaps better than anyone. But, at the moment, this conversation needed to be between sisters.

The guest room door is open. Sakura peers in and sees that Rin is nowhere to be found. 

She purses her lips. She walks throughout the residence until, finally, she finds her in the dojo. Sakura isn't sure why she'd find her sister here, of all places. But remembers enough about the Tohsaka Clan to recall its roots in martial arts, in proper breath, and how this training continued along the lines of mystical mastery. In addition, she thinks about her sister's time with Saber and how Saber likes the dojo: especially the one at the Emiya residence when she was just her Senpai's Servant. Rin seeks some comfort here, on some level. Sakura can understand this all too well.

She sees her Neesan standing there. Her hand is on the hilt of her Jeweled Sword.

"I always wondered." Rin says, hearing the door open and slide shut behind her, Sakura knowing that she can sense her. "If there was another world, another reality, where Father was still alive. Where Mother was alive and whole. Where we had never separated. Where we had all remained one, big, happy family."

Sakura stops a few inches from Rin, the latter magus keeping her back to her as she seems to contemplate the padded, paneled room. It feels as though all the air is knocked out of her, even as she somehow manages to hold her breath. There is something distant to Rin's voice, which almost never sounds like this. She waits, not knowing what to do.

"Zelretch sent us to so many different worlds. So many different versions of this one." Rin continues softly. "Eventually, with a few more decades time, I will be able to travel myself. I could go anywhere. I could go to a place like that. That was part of what I thought about the entire time. I hoped ..." Her hand clenches around the hilt of her weapon. "I could tell, last night, before he ... put me to bed, that Shirou wished he could kill Kirei again. I could see it in the way that he looked at you. At me. At that information about the orphans we found in the cellar."

"And I could do that." Rin says in a far too calm tone. "I could open a rift to another timeline. Another reality. I could find Kotomine Kirei there. I could take this ... this sword, this dagger, and plunge it right into his black, twisted excuse for a heart. I could watch the life leave his empty, dark eyes. Then I could leave him there in his own filth, and go to another world, find him again, and kill that world's traitor. Stab _him_ right through the back. Then leave, and hunt him down in another reality. And another, and ano --"

Sakura steps forward and puts her hand around Rin's: the one holding her weapon hard enough to burst blood vessels. 

"It won't help." Sakura whispers, embracing her sister from behind. "You could kill him a hundred times. A thousand times. But, from what you tell me, it'd not be the Kotomine Kirei from our world. He's gone. And that is a good thing. All you would really be doing, if you did this, is hurting yourself, Neesan." She embraces her hard. "Trust me. I would know."

She holds her older sister until, gradually, Rin's body relaxes. Her grip on her Jeweled Sword lessens. Sakura doesn't let go of Rin until the other removes her fingers from the hilt of her tool. "... thank you, Sakura." 

"I'm glad you are ... all right." Sakura replies. "As much as ... you can be. I'm glad that Senpai stayed with you."

Rin slowly turns around. Sakura sees the incredible weariness in the other's eyes, but also a degree of caution. "Yeah. I thought it was that baka. Tch." Rin shakes her head. "I told him I would be okay. But you both wanted me to stay so ..."

"Neesan, there was no way in hell l was going to let you go back to the mansion alone after all of that. If it took Senpai to do it, I don't feel any remorse at all."

Rin chuckles weakly. "You don't mind your boyfriend sleeping with your older sister, you mean?"

Almost immediately, Rin's face turns slack. She moves away from Sakura's arms and slaps herself on the forehead. "Goddamn." Rin groans. "Why'd I have to say something so stupid like that? I'm ... I'm worse than him."

Sakura smiles. "As long as you are both happy, I don't care one way or another."

Rin pauses. "Um ..." She blinks. "... all right?"

Sakura squints at her. "What? I know that Senpai wants to spend time with Saber. Isn't this the same thing?"

"Well ..." Rin looks like she is the one being caught off guard this time, and she doesn't like it. "That's with Saber and Shirou. We are sisters though. I ... I know during the War you thought I was ..."

Sakura sighs. "I was being eaten alive by worms and resentment. Angra Mainyu was linked to me. I did ... a lot of things I'm not proud of."

"But it wasn't all worms and darkness, was it?"

The two sisters regard each other steadily. Sakura sighs. "No. I was jealous. You ... you had everything. And I wanted Senpai. I wanted that one bit of happiness in my hell. And then he was allied with you, and learning ..."

"That's why." Rin says, putting a hand on Sakura's shoulder. "I do not want to get in the way of your happiness, Sakura."

"You're not." Sakura replies, firmly. 

"I --"

"No Neesan. This is important. You were never in the way of my happiness. You never did anything to me. It wasn't you." The words are an effort, but Sakura almost feels lighter as she says them. "Familial obligations. It was never us. We didn't choose anything. There were choices made for us, and how we acted. And what I am saying to you, right now, is that I choose to be happy, and to be happy for ... your happiness. Yours. Rider's. Saber's. And Senpai's." She shakes her head. "I was so selfish before."

"Seriously, Sakura?" Rin's eyes widen in incredulity. "You had every reason to --"

"It's true. I suffered. But so did Senpai. And so did you. You were right, in the cave. I made my decisions. I have live with them though." Sakura sighs. "But they are just that. My decisions. And I know what it's like, we both know what it's like, when others make decisions for us. And I won't decide for Senpai. Or you. Or anyone. That is my choice. I love you too much to do anything else."

Rin stands there. Her mind seems to be absorbing this new information. Sakura can see it digesting this new data like finely tuned clock-work gears. Finally, she shakes her head. "You left him with Rider right now, didn't you." 

"Um ..." Sakura's cheeks turn bright red. ".... yes?"

Rin's haggard face twists into one of genuine mirth. She begins to howl with laughter. "Oh. Oh ho ..." She bends over. "Oh this is just great. You know, between you, Rider, and Saber ... Emiya-kun's going to be all girled out before this is all said and done ..."

Sakura rolls her eyes. "He won't be. Senpai still needs his rest and has his own work to do."

"Right. H-he'll live." Rin wipes a tear off away from her eye. "Oh man. That baka ... he has no idea how lucky, or really unlucky he is."

"Yes he does." 

Rin pauses. "Yeah. I suppose he does. He's not that stupid." Rin straightens up. "Ugh ... I need some coffee. I hate mornings."

"I know." Sakura says, taking a hold of Rin's hand. "You've been a zombie most of the time when I stayed at your place."

"At our ..." Rin shakes her head. "Yeah. So coffee and food then."

"Only if you help."

"...bah." Rin sighs. "Fine."

"Neesan?"

"Yeah Sakura?"

"Do you still want to ... visit them tomorrow?"

Rin's face turns still for a few moments. "Yes. Yes I do. Do you?"

Sakura lets out a long breath. "Yes. For you."

Rin is about to say something, but either didn't really have the words, or the heart to say the words she might not have had. "Thanks, Sakura. I ... really appreciate it."

Sakura forces a smile. Right now, she and her sister are going to make breakfast. Rider and Shirou will need to eat too, especially after their long rest. The rest of it, the other details, can wait for tomorrow. 


	40. Chapter 40

 

"You don't have to be here with me you know, silly."

"I know, Illyas --" Saber quickly corrects herself before she gets another tongue stuck out at her. "Illya. But I promised Shirou that I would guard you. And help you."

"Well, with Grandfather gone, any threat's dealt with." Illya says, a nonchalant tone in her voice as she examines the bubbling cylinders in front of her. "Still, I appreciate the help. Even though the maids did some good clean up in here."

 _Just as they were designed to do._  Saber looks around the massive underground chamber. It is more of a laboratory than Shirou's small storage house, the slimy hole of the Matou, or the elegant Workshop belonging to Rin's Clan. Substances boil, and simmer in beakers and vials. It's closer to what she remembers of Merlin's various Workshops when she was King, but there is something distant, and almost eerie about it. 

"I'm glad to have helped." She and the Einzbern staff had cleared out the ... pit of rejected and failing homunculi. Even as they speak now, some of those homunculi are being rehabilitated, and repaired. The others, too far gone, were swiftly and gently euthanized, and given proper burials upon Illya's own order. Saber respects that about her. This place is clinical, and cold. She can't imagine how many lives were created, modified, and destroyed here. At what point did the Einzbern reject their humanity? When did they begin to slowly replace their numbers with golems, homunculi, and other mystically-created and altered beings? Illya attempted to explain it, as best she could: that once the Clan realized they could inscribe and engineer reverse-Crests onto their creations -- specifically their already superior homunculi -- they began to forgo conventional procreation. Even at their height, the Einzbern Clan rarely married or consorted with outsiders beyond a select few for certain traits. This was when they could keep their Wish-Granting Sorcery Trait so pure for so many centuries, possibly even millennia. Or at least that was Illya's theory, or that of her ancestor, or something to that effect. Saber is no magus. Sometimes she is very glad that she isn't.

She wondered, she helped clear out the various experiments and constructed beings from the Workshop, if Mordred had been grown in such a place. Certainly, the rocky walls looked old enough to have been around in the Middle Ages. Saber could have stayed back, it's true. Illya was obviously under no threat here. But she had to see this for herself. She had to see where beings like Mordred with her dreams and disappointments, and Irisviel with her joy at seeing the sea for the first time, and driving badly were born. It was a ghastly place, and even now it still disturbs her. But Saber has already indulged in enough cowardice during this past War. She will be damned if she turns her face away from the truth again. 

"You didn't tell me what was in your bags." 

Saber still can't get over what Illya actually brought with her from Rin and her Castle back in Fuyuki. 

Illya absently steps to the next cylinder beside the one in which she had been looking with the same expression of expectation on her face. "Would you really have wanted to know, Saber?"

Saber grits her teeth. "It could have been ... shall we say, inconvenient, if the authorities had seen ... all of it."

Saber had seen a lot of terrible things both during her time and in the two Grail Wars. But what Illya had carried in some of her bags -- what she made _Saber_ carry -- would have made her cut anyone else down during her reign. 

"The protections and containment spells we placed on them were more than enough. Besides, I told you the truth." Illya sighs, more with minor annoyance than anything else. 

"You told me you were carrying mostly books and toys." Saber grimaces. "How on earth can you call ... some of those things _that_?" 

Illya shakes her head. "Most of them were my Alchemy books. Some were volumes from the Makiri library that Rin was kind enough to ... lend to me. Absorption into something, a principle, can be useful when you are trying to give someone life ... or give it back to them."

Saber has to let out a slow breath. "But the ... body parts ..."

Illya turns around suddenly, and there is an eerie look in her red eyes. "My Grandfather thought of them as parts. Toys. As far as I'm concerned, when I brought them here, preserved very meticulously I might add, they are just that. Pieces. They aren't a person anymore. Not yet." 

Saber's face darkens. "Does that include the parts from Shirou's old body?"

"Hmph. Obviously not." She looks at an open table, where Saber very studiously avoids her gaze. "In order to properly stabilize onii-chan, I need to have those remains. Most are only partially organic in any case. But they still have his Origin and Affinity. And, obviously, I don't really have his soul to examine right now, do I?"

"Is that ... all you want his body for?" Saber immediately regrets her words she speaks them. 

Illya smiles. The Servant isn't sure whether or not this is a good sign. "All magi must protect their secrets. Don't forget that you're Rin's Servant too. But." She holds up a hand to stall the protective urge expressing itself on Saber's face. "I solemnly promise you that my Mysteries will not hurt, nor exploit onii-chan. I am just thinking, and planning for the future of my family. Do you understand that, Saber?"

Saber's shoulders relax somewhat. There is still more here. She can feel as much. She nods. "Thank you, Illya. To be honest." She looks at the cylindrical tubes and their nutrient solutions. "I am rather confused about what you are trying to do here."

Illya skips to the table. She waves a hand over the remains of Shirou's old body. Some of them. Saber has been to Rin's Workshop. She knows that Rin didn't give Illya everything, but whatever it is that she asked for before leaving. It was an uneasy bargain, and she doesn't know how stable it will be with another on the way to deal with procuring the Emiya Crest. She watches as Illya glows, similarly to when Shirou Traces. The semi-organic metals also glow. The metallic parts have a much keener sheen.

"There are natural metals and substances in an organic body." Illya says. "Precious metals even. Onii-chan just happens, or at least used to have, more. Especially with this mutation and its natural Bounded Field internalizing his other self's Reality Marble. It's like the damage Papa must have experienced, but more extreme." She murmurs another short aria. "Different cases entirely. Papa must have just suffered internal injuries that Avalon healed. Onii-chan ..." She shakes her head in amazement. "It tried to overwrite his Circuits. It internalized and then mutated outward physically instead of metaphysically because of some incompatible beliefs. Rin ... she and I are going to want to observe and work with the materials from the failed Reality Marble." She looks at her. "If you must know, most of these parts are attempts at the Noble Phantasms that existed in onii-chan's ... in his alternate's own reality. I can ... I think ... use my Alchemy and restore them. Even make some of them work. I will trade them to Rin. Heck, I'll even restore more of them back at her Workshop if she does me that favour."

Saber's jaw almost drops. "Noble Phantasms." This time she looks at the strange and gruesome remnants of the man she loves, and this time marvels. 

"Remnants, relics, of a failed psychic world attempt." Illya says. "Rin won't be able to resist. Especially if some have gem elements. As for me, while this is all interesting in itself, I am more interested in ... applying some healing alchemy and salvaging as much of the organic tissue as I ... ah, here we go ... I know it would be more concentrated here. Or I hoped. Perhaps our Wish-Granting Trait can also be ... yes. A Wish Fulfillment one ..."

Saber watches as organic matter begins to knit together into the centre of the sterile table. It is strange, and disconcerting. But also fascinating. 

"You know, Saber." Illya says, as she takes a vial and scoops up part of the matter, then reaching away to get another. "Your Avalon made a lot of this possible."

A combination of horror and curiosity spikes in Saber's chest. "When ... it was inside Shirou?"

"Yes. It fundamentally changed his very nature from a young developmental age." She must see the stricken look on Saber's face. "Oh don't be like that. It saved him from the Fire and the curses in the Grail, along with so many stupid mistakes besides."

"It ... may have made him turn into this too." Saber points at the pieces on the table as Illya carefully collects another sample, the tip of her tongue at the corner of her mouth. 

"No. That was all him loosing the Shroud of Martin before he was ready for Archer's inherent knowledge. Though Avalon may have helped him grow those parts too. That's one reason why I didn't ask to use your sheathe for this, Saber. There." She puts the vials down. "All done."

Saber watches Illya go back to the cylinders. "What are you going to do now, Illya?"

"Now, this is not going to really be about onii-chan." She murmurs, placing a hand on the cylinder in front of her, and the floating figure within. "Now I have a promise to keep."

Saber's brow furrows. Something is wrong. It's not this laboratory or Illya. She can sense it, faintly. _Rin ... what is going on with her ... is she all right?_

"After this ... experiment." Illya says, "We will need to go back to Fuyuki."

Saber feels relief. They have been here in this Castle for too long already. "I'm glad. But ... why did you want to bring the remains of your maid?"

When Illya looks back at her, there is a combination of sadness, anger, and determination in her eyes. "Sella had been my tutor for two years. She taught me everything I know about magic, whatever I couldn't get from my ancestor's memories. Experience trumps knowledge in a lot of ways." She gently places her hand on the cylinder. "And Leysritt ... she was the basis of my Dress. Sella at least has parts that I preserved, after her death. I can rebuild her physically. Leysritt ... I carry just enough resonance left of her soul. That time, in my coma, after that application of the Third Magic kept it there ..." She picks up one of her dolls, one of the ones she carried with her all the way from Japan. "It's here now. Sella will be easier to deal with. She was, as Grandfather would have said, more simple and conventional. Leysritt ... they were my friends. I treated them like servants. Worse than servants sometimes. They deserve better."

Saber puts a hand on Illya's shoulder. "I understand." She looks at the doll, and then sees another. "You really saved them."

"As much as possible. I'm ... not an expert. I can  ..." Illya squints. "Almost remember how she ... did it ..."

Saber blinks. "She? You mean, your ancestor."

"No." Illya shakes her head. "If I can restore them, it will be a major step. I was on the edge, near the Gate. I had the Dress on. I had the energy. I saw it done. Or I felt it ... My Wish-Granting trait should fill in the rest."

"You won't ..." Saber asks.

Illya shakes her head again. "No. I didn't go unconscious when I placed them into the dolls. I made a whole other body for Leysritt. Maybe I can apply this to me somehow ... But everything's ready. As much as it will be." She turns and closes her eyes. "Come on ... Leysritt. You were closest to me. Wake up. You have a brand new body ... Please wake up."

Saber, as a spiritual being in between life and death, feels uneasy: much as she did back when Illya saved Shirou's life. Something emanates off of her, echoing across her core. She watches the hovering, pale homunculus in the cylinder as it and Illya both glow. At first, nothing seems to happen. Not for some time. 

And then, deep inside the tube, Leysritt opens her eyes. 


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's funny. I have so far written forty chapters of this fanfic. There is a part of me that is genuinely amazed that it has lasted this long, and I have been able to keep at it. It's gotten to the point where I have had to go back a few times and read what I wrote before in order to keep up the line of continuity. 
> 
> Of course, there are mistakes. I have capitalized some words in one place, and lower-cased them in others. Sometimes I have even forgot some plot points. But I do my best, and I keep this up as the spirit takes me. I also suspect that I am winging a lot of the Nasuverse lore, and as such I am taking some considerable liberties with such. But you have take some liberties at times in order to maintain creativity, I find. 
> 
> So far, I have gotten 82 kudos and some pretty cool feedback. Thank you all for following me, and continuing to read this fanfic as it goes on. I think this next part is really going to be brutal, but hopefully real enough. It's time to *really* address an emotional issue in the series: one that has been a long time coming. One that has been between family. Between sisters.

It has been a while since Rin came to visit her parents. More time has passed since she came to see them with company.

It is the first time she's come here with her sister.

The priest knew they would be coming. He also knows that they have put up a modest Bounded Field around the site. Rin knows, based on what Sakura has told her, that he is going back to Rome. His placement at Kotomine Church was temporary until they could find a suitable cleric: someone, in his own words, who is younger, and has a great degree of empathy for their parishioners. With some humility, he even admitted that he was mostly here as a "cleaner" and a "placeholder" so that his replacement could come in, and he could finally retire from the practice of magecraft back to a monastery where he would spend the rest of his days in prayer and contemplation. Rin barely understands the mentality of priests, but given the distortion of her ... tutor, it is almost understandable. Even so it is alien to her, standing here in this graveyard outside the Church, to want to "retire" from something that was given to you, birthed to you, naturally by God or the World. 

Her father would never have understood that.

Rin lowers a pair of flowers onto the soil under each tombstone. It still hurts, even after all this time. Losing Tokiomi was hard, but the magus that was her father prepared her for this eventuality. To be a magus is to walk with death, as it were. When she also considers that he was a Master in the Holy Grail War, this only reinforces that age-old statement. Even Tokiomi, for all of his careful preparations, brought the same meticulous attention to detail in the event of his own untimely death. It still hurts, not to have him there advising her, drinking tea with her, and studying together. It hurts even more knowing that his own apprentice, whom he trusted and praised, completely and utterly betrayed him and his family. 

But it somehow hurts even more when she lowers the flowers on Aoi's grave. Her mother's. Tohsaka Aoi came from the Zenjou Clan. They had been known for their genetic ability to increase the sorcerous potential of their offspring from other bloodlines. But her mother had been more than that. She had been a good, kind woman. Even though her father had been a magus first before a husband and a father, she had always taken care of him, and she saw the way he looked at her. It was the small things. His thanks, the way he took her by the hand when they went out together, the fond way he always talked about her to Rin and ... well, just the way during the Fourth War when he sent Rin and her away and trusted her with his heir's life. Aoi came from a family of retainers, of people schooled in tradition, and wanting to help their magus family at all costs. She gave everything up to be with Tokiomi and fulfill her duty. But it had been more than duty between the two of them, otherwise Sakura ... her sister would never have been born a year after Rin's own birth. 

Aoi reminds Rin so much of Sakura that it also hurts. And it is agony to think about how her mother didn't have Magic Circuits. She wasn't a Master in the War. She wasn't even a magus. But she got caught in the horror of that War, unmediated by an Overseer, and she spent the rest of her days in delusion thinking that her husband and other daughter still remained with them, wheelchair bound until finally -- one day -- the World had some semblance of mercy and let her pass away in her sleep. 

It wasn't fair that she lost her mother the way she did. And if she had any proof that Kirei crippled her, or arranged her injuries, she ...

She feels a hand grip her own fist. Shirou again. She must really be in distress if she couldn't hear him sneaking up on her. She backs away, with him, from the graves to where Rider and Sakura stand. 

In retrospect, Rin shouldn't be surprised about what happened next. In more hindsight, she should have seen it coming a mile away. 

Sakura approaches the graves. She is also carrying flowers. Rin knows this is a big thing for her. After everything she's gone through, for her to be here, like this, is a miracle in and of itself. She insisted, her younger sister. Rin remembers what Sakura said about choosing to love, just as one can choose to forgive, and begin to move on. This isn't about their parents. It isn't even about them. It's about Sakura, and being able to start the process of letting go of her pain. 

The flowers never made it to the graves.

She sees Sakura's hands tremble. Then they begin to shake. Hard. The flowers fall out of her hands. Sakura's jaw clenches. Her face turns red, and purple. 

Shirou's eyes light up in alarm. "Sakura ..."

He's about to step forward before Rider cuts him off with one outstretched arm: her square-pupil gaze focused heavily on her Master. Sakura is breathing hard. Her own hands, on either side of her dress, clench into fists. 

She looks at Aoi's grave, and then snaps her head away from it. She walks over to Tokiomi's grave. Her face is nearly dark in suffocating blood. Sakura rears her head back, and spits into her father's grave soil. 

Rin feels the blood drain from her face. 

"D-damn you ..." Sakura growls, tears coursing down her cheeks. "I was so worthless to you, to both of you, that you gave me to a monster. I ... I can never forgive you. _Never_." 

"Sakura!" Rin feels like her sister just punched her in the stomach. But she doesn't go forward. Even Rider has lowered her arm now, but Rin finds her hand clutching Shirou's.

"I-I'm sorry, Neesan." Sakura looks up at her. "They left me with ... with Grandfather. They did this to me. Maybe one day ..." She shakes her head. "Tokiomi only cared about being a magus. I was just the spare, to him."

Rin takes a few steps back, and is barely aware of Shirou steadying her. "T-that's ... that's not true. Sakura ..." Rin swallows.

"Not once." Sakura says, slowly. "Not once did he or the family ask what was going on. They _saw_ Uncle Kariya. I _know_ it. And it never occurred to ... to Tokiomi to ask about our magecraft. To think that what was happening to uncle was ... was happening to me. A little girl. Besides, he never really cared about me enough to do so. I wasn't his daughter anymore. I never was."

"That's not true." Rin shouts. "That's not ... Sakura, He didn't know about the Matou magecraft."

"He didn't _want_ to know!" Sakura spits, fury and grief raging through her. It is almost a shadow of what she was like during the War, but tears course down her face. 

"I ... I'm not going to even begin to pretend to understand." Rin says, regretting some of her words from back in the War. "I do know that Father was a traditionalist. He wouldn't have wanted to know the secrets of another family. Especially not an ally, without their permission. But Sakura ... he didn't know. He honestly didn't _know_."

"How would _you_ even know that, Neesan? Maybe you just want to _believe_ it!" 

"It's ..." Rin sighs, trying so hard to find the right words. "We talked once. I barely understood it. When he was young, Father was given a choice by his father ... to be a magus or live a normal life. Like Uncle Kariya took for himself before the War. He ... he originally wanted to give _us_ that choice as well." 

Sakura blanches. Shirou's body jerks towards her, but Rin holds him back. This is something they need to have out. This is something they should have had out before this moment. "Then why ... then ... then God _why_ didn't he just let me stay?" Sakura is sobbing openly now. "I wasn't interested in magic! I just wanted to be with my family! I just wanted a normal life!"

"Sakura ..." Shirou murmurs.

"Because it wouldn't have been possible." Rin says, putting as much cold, hard, practicality into her tone as she can. "Because you and I have powerful Sorcery traits. I'm an Average One, and you have Imaginary Numbers. Father couldn't give us both his Crest.  And he knew that you, as the second born, would be sought after by magi factions that would want to marry you into their families, into their breeding pools: to treat you like livestock. Or worse ... as an experiment. He knew you wouldn't stay with the family, or you would and someone would take advantage of you from the Moonlit World. He didn't want you to be unprepared. He didn't want your potential to be wasted. But he couldn't train you, or give you the backing you deserved."

"Well, good for him." Sakura spits. "I got treated like livestock _and_ an experiment!" 

"He didn't know." Rin repeats. "You ... have to understand Sakura ..."

"Understand _what_?" Sakura shouts. "What do you _I_ have to _understand_ , Neesan!" 

Tears trail down Rin's face. She doesn't care. This has to be said. "Maybe it is what I believe. But ... Father was a magus first and a father second. But ... I will say this. Father was all about decorum and tradition and achieving your fullest potential. What Zouken did to you would have ... would have insulted Father as a magus first. It _shat_ all over your potential as a magus, violating the agreement he made with Zouken as an ally, and degrading Father's ideals of what magecraft truly is. If he had known what was going on, he would come here with fire magic and sword and burned Matou Manor to the ground: with a carefully arranged explanation to the Association that Matou Zouken, his erstwhile ally, was actually a heretic experimenting on innocent lives. But Sakura ... that would have been his official reason. His real reason, and the sad way he would smile whenever you were so much as even partially mentioned, is that he would not stand someone of powerful magi blood, of Tohsaka origin, of his daughter being _raped by worms_! It would have been, and it is, an affront to our family and anyone that calls themselves a human being." 

"But I wasn't his daughter anymore ..." Sakura murmurs. "They gave me away to the Matou."

"He and mother thought you were being adopted by an old family ally. Mother was always traditional and deferred to Father. She wanted the best for you. She cried every night when you were gone. And when she ... she was injured, she would talk about you all the ..." Rin feels herself choking up. "F-father must have thought Kariya's mutations were the result of late magecraft training. For the sake of the Grail. For jealousy? Or maybe ... maybe he just didn't know. He just didn't want to believe ... He didn't know, Sakura. He honestly didn't know. And I know he and Mother wouldn't have stood for it if they had. Very least ... they would taken you, and adopted you into another ..."

Rin's voice trails off as Sakura looks down. The blood suffusing her face is gone. She just looks pale, and tired. Rin wants to run forward and hold her. But Sakura faces away from her. She realizes everything she has been saying sounds like a defense for what her family had done to her sister. It's not what she meant to do. 

"Rider ... can you please walk me home?"

Rider nods slowly. Shirou is torn. He looks at Rin, and then at Sakura. He is about to move forward. Sakura looks at Shirou and shakes her head. "No, no. Senpai. It's okay. Please ... stay with Neesan. We'll be ... waiting when you get back."

"Are you ..." Shirou says. "Are you sure?"

"Sakura." Rin says as Rider puts a hand on her sister's shoulder. "I'm sorry."

Sakura shakes her head. "No. No Neesan. You did nothing wrong. I thought ... I thought I was ready but ..." She sighs. "I'm the one that's sorry. I couldn't do this for you. Or for me. Not ... not yet." She looks up and attempts a weak smile. "I need to lie down. We will speak soon."

"Yeah." Rin says. "We will ..."

Sakura nods as Rider steers her away from the tombstones and out of the graveyard, leaving Shirou and Rin behind. Rin looks down at Sakura's discarded flowers. Then Shirou is near the flowers. He takes them and places them, near Aoi and then Tokiomi.

He stands back with Rin. 

"You know." Rin says. "Father may have disapproved of you, a spell-caster, marrying into the family. Proper decorum and lineage and all of that." She contemplates. "On the other hand, if you had known your dual Origin and Affinity, he might have wanted to keep you in the family: to see what your heirs might be like."

"H-heirs!" Shirou's eyes almost bulge out of their sockets. "And the family, I thought ..."

Rin's face turns red. "I mean ... I mean Sakura is my family. She _is_ family, whatever Father said. Remember that, baka!"

"Sheesh, Tohsaka." Shirou scratches his head, partially relieved and still on guard around her. "Yes. I love her with all my heart."

Rin sighs. "I know you do." She tells her, her tone becoming serious. "Tokiomi the magus would have wanted your bloodline with ours. Your potential. He would have wanted you to hone it as far as you could go, to benefit the Clan's future generations. But Tokiomi the father ... he would have liked you. You are an earnest, loyal, young man. And Mother ... I think Mother would have adored having a good man, like you, as a son in law." 

"... thank you." Shirou says after a time. 

Rin turns and gives him a crooked grin. "Don't get used to those compliments, baka. You still have a lot to learn." She begins to turn away. "Shirou, please take me home."

"... you mean?"

"Yeah." Rin says. "I need to have some space to myself again. Besides, I can feel that Saber is coming back soon."

Shirou squints. "Yeah ... I guess you would."

"Baka ... she wants to see you too. And maybe ... there might be a way to restore a bit more of your connection with her."

Shirou's eyes narrow in suspicion. "What does that mean?"

Rin rolls her eyes. "Can we not talk about this in a graveyard in front of my dead parents?"

"Oh. Yeah ... right." 

Rin dispels the makeshift Bounded Field, erasing the line in the soil with her foot. Then the two begin walking down the path out of the cemetery. They make it outside the gate, down the street, when Rin turns back to him.

"Shirou ... I just want to say ..." She tries to find the words. "Thank you for staying with me. That night."

Shirou blinks. "Of course. You're my friend, Tohsaka. I wasn't going to leave you."

Rin shakes her head. "You didn't have to ... any of this. You saved my sister. You saved me. You saved all of us. I know I give you a hard time, but ..."

"It's because you care."

Rin stops in her tracks. Shirou has also stopped walking. The two of them regard each other. 

"You know." Rin says after a time. "It's amazing how an idiot like you can be so damn insightful sometimes. It's so ... weird."

"Um ..." Shirou scratches the back of his head. "Thank you?" 

"Shirou ..." Rin sighs. "I ... I love you."

"Oh." Shirou pauses and then smiles a goofy grin. "Well, I love you too Tohsaka."

Rin grits her teeth. Maybe it is the grief and the revelations. Maybe it is seeing her sister overwhelmed. Perhaps it was what they talked about back in the Emiya dojo. All she knows is this pisses her off. Of course he loves her as part of the family. He is part of the family. And she knows this. It makes sense. It's actually not stupid. But ...

"You baka." Rin moves towards him. "I don't just tell _anyone_ that." 

Something akin to fear flashes in Shirou's amber eyes. "Tohsaka what --"

"You just answer so casually! Like it means nothing! And it's no big deal, but still, it is something and I ... Oh, goddammit." Rin swears as she reaches up and kisses him.

Shirou freezes into place. Rin's fingers find his face and she feels her lips over his. A flood of emotions flows through her. Ever since that day, long ago, seeing him at the impossible high jump, then always helping others at the Academy, and the War and his steadfast stubbornness and how he treated them ... She feels it burst out. Then, reality seeps back in. She realizes what she just did. But she also notices something else. His arms are around her. He has been returning her kiss.

The two of them separate. Both of them turn red. She realizes, belatedly, that they both must be in shock. _Dammit. Dammit!_  

"Dammit!" Rin swears aloud. "I ... I'm sorry, Emiya-kun. I just got ..."

"No." Shirou says, slowly. "Don't ... don't apologize. That was ... that was nice ..."

"Just nice!?" Rin shouts at him. "Really!?" 

He holds up his hands. "Hey! Hey no ... no it ... it was ... it was amazing."

"Oh." Rin blinks, her thoughts frozen. "Do you ... do you regret it?"

Shirou pauses and Rin feels like her heart is going to hammer out of her chest. Did she really screw this all up now?

"No." Shirou says. "I think ... I think we'll deal with this. One moment at a time." 

Rin tries not to breath an audible sigh of relief. Or confusion. "How did an idiot like you get so wise."

Shirou shakes his head. "I have no idea what I'm doing, to be honest Tohsaka."

"Well ... that's a relief. I'm used to you being an _honest_ idiot." She takes his hand. "C'mon. You're taking me home."

The two of them walk quietly back to Rin's neighbourhood. Eventually, they are outside her door. It is Shirou who goes to embrace her first. She doesn't rankle around him, or cringe back. She's the one that initiated ... whatever this is. She holds him. 

"You sure you will be all right on your own?" Shirou asks.

"Yeah." Rin says. "Like I said, I need the space a bit." _To think about matters such as they are_. "Besides, you need to go and see my sister."

Shirou's face grows red. "Yeah. Of course. Well. Um, take care of yourself Rin."

"I always do. And you start taking care of _yourself_ , you baka!"

Shirou smiles in a way that she can barely imagine Archer smiling. Then the young man walks away, leaving Rin to enter her home. She shuts the door behind her and slides down it to sit, spread-legged, on the floor. In retrospect, she did not see _this_ coming at all. But she should have.

"Well." Rin sighs, after a time. "Fuck." 


	42. Chapter 42

"Do you understand, Sella?"

The Einzbern maid nods as the two of them watch Saber and Leysritt spar in the courtyard of the Castle. "Yes, Mistress."

"Illya." Illya reminds her, trying to ignore the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach.

Sella bows. "Yes ... Illya." Illya watches the Einzbern homunculus, trying to see if the name means anything to her. The maid regards her. "You hold an incomplete part of the Third Magic due to the failure of Heaven's Feel. Homunculus Leysritt's function ..."

Illya sighs, shaking her head. "No no." She watches as Leysritt lunges with her halberd, and almost stumbles. She winces as the homunculus barely recovers from Saber's forward lunge, the thrust made at far less than her usual power as per her own request. "Leysritt ... she functioned perfectly."

"The first model."

"I mean _Leysritt_." Illya breathes out in pure exasperation.

Sella looks away. "My apologies, Miss."

"It's ..." Illya is about to correct her again, but finds she just doesn't have the heart. "It's okay Sella. As you said, my application of the Third Magic is problematic. But I know the two of you are still in there, somewhere ..."

"As you say." Sella bows. 

Illya closes her eyes. They grow silent for a moment as Leysritt backs up and adjusts a two-handed grip on the halberd. Saber seems to nod. Whatever else, Leysritt is learning or ... relearning to trust her muscle memory. Illya likes to think it's the latter. Under no certain terms was Saber to engage her other maid with her full force. Illya would not create another model ... would not resurrect her again. It took too much time and effort even to get to this point. Homunculi are born -- created -- knowing their tasks. Especially Einzbern crafted homunculi. Leysritt is not fighting the way she ... she used to. Illya can see the shadow of it, obviously. And she does learn and adapt. But it's almost like that first day, two years ago, when she and Sella were both first presented to her by her Grandfather. The mechanics of her movements, and her anticipatory reflexes are all there. But they are just a little slower. This is not what worries Illya, however. 

She turns her mind back to the task at hand. "Do you remember the Third Magic? What you were told about it?"

Sella blinks. "It is in my basic protocol." She tells her, in a formal, respectful tone almost like the one she used with her before. But it is still too cold. Like how she would talk to anyone other than her. "The Third Magic was used to materialize the soul. In its ideal state, it can be used on a deceased subject and recreate them from their spiritual essence: granting them a transcendent existence. Fragments of this were utilized in the magecraft of Justeaze Lizrich von Einzbern to create the Greater Grail, and manifest Servants with the leylines of the Fuyuki territory."

"Yes." Illya replies. "An incomplete application can take a soul, partially manifest it, and relocate it into a vessel. Eventually, that vessel manifests the nature of the soul."

"As you had done with Emiya Shirou."

"I believe so." Illya worries her lip. Once, Sella would have told her not to do that. That it made her look undignified, and not befitting the scion of the Einzbern Family. But Sella says nothing, still wanting for Illya to engage her. "However, I did not utilize the Dress of Heaven Mystic Code. Another used it to close the Gate and go beyond it. But ... they left me a flower. A hybrid flower with the energy to accomplish the Third Magic."

"I see." Sella scans the information given to her just as she watches the sparring between her sister homunculus and the Servant. Illya expects her to ask her who this person was that interfered in their business and the destiny of their heir. Instead, Sella continues. "Yet you wore the Mystic Code and contained the souls of the Servants taken in battle for a time. You absorbed that magic. The Code only amplifies that potential while also taking the soul essences. Combined with your Wish-Granting trait, you can replicate parts of it through application of magecraft. Except ..."

"Yes." Illya says. She needs to run this information by someone, and Sella -- in whatever form she is in now -- is the best suited to understand. She did train her in Alchemy once, as her magic tutor. "The ability to manifest the soul can only be done by Magic. I preserved your form when you were ... deceased. There were remnants. I still had some of Leysritt's essence on me during my time wearing her form as the Dress of Heaven." Perhaps that is why they can't remember anything consciously. Too much time passed with Sella's death, and Leysritt had no remains to undertake any salvage save for those spiritual vestiges of her that she and the earth could still recall. 

"Therefore, as you are the only known user of the Third Magic in any form, the transference of your spirit into another vessel would be ... problematic." Sella says. For a few moments, Illya thinks she can see her eyebrow quirk, as if this risk bothers the maid. It could just be a simple preservation protocol: to protect her mistress. But she wants to think positively. That is what her onii-chan would tell her to do. 

"Yeah." She watches Leysritt get driven back by a charging, shouting Saber. "I am not even sure how onii-chan was able to keep his memories. Or regain what he has through a similar process."

"May I offer a suggestion?"

Illya nods, recalling painfully again how Sella would have once simply replied. Sella, to her credit, almost immediately follows it up. "Leysritt and I, are different models ... are ..." She looks at Illya and somehow seems to pick up on her distress. "Homunculi. We are created from the earth and maintained by the World so long as mana exists. Our souls and egos, such as they are or may be, are more elemental. Even in ideal circumstances, revival might reset our consciousness as contained by our original humanoid vessels. Emiya Shirou was a human subject. In addition, from what you have explained, he was bonded with a partially ascended variant of himself: rendering his soul vulnerable to a conflicting state and accelerated degradation, but also bonding him closer to the principle of the Third Magic as a spiritual being grounded in a foundation of spirit. Essentially, his soul was already altered enough through his material bonding with a spiritual version of himself that memory retention could be easier to maintain and self-access."

"That and I got to him faster, right at the moment when he died." Illya nods again. She thinks about the alternatives ... about her onii-chan not remembering his own name, their Papa ... or even her. It doesn't bear thinking about. "It's a miracle either way you look at it."

"May I offer another suggestion?"

Illya regards her, bringing her full attention back from the sparring. "Go on, Sella."

"Based on the information you've given me, and that we have access to with regards to your paternal Family Crest, it might be possible -- as you are a homunculus -- to bond you further with the earth and maintain your od with mana as you use the magecraft within to create a Bounded Field to dismantle the previous Head's alterations: through the alteration of your metabolism."

"I was thinking along the same lines, Sella." Illya sighs. "Most of us can exist a practical eternity in the World because of that. But I also know that homunculi are designed with flaws, which, ironically enough keep the World from flat out rejecting us. From what I gather, at best I would need to keep that controlled field internalized and that would case pressure on the cellular level, as well as possible organ strain."

"You could utilize Saber's Noble Phantasm to maintain it."

"The thought crossed my mind." Illya admits. "But in no way would it mitigate the pain. I would also have to be in the vicinity of Saber at all times and I not sure her prana flow is powerful enough to use the Phantasm at its full capacity: even with my aid. No. I presume that my Papa didn't fine tune the knowledge from his inheritance too much beyond combat ability. I will need to rid myself of these alterations with a temporal field, or minimize them, while being able to maintain and completely master it. And this is all based on whether or not I can even get _access_ to the thing at all." 

Sella nods. "As you say. However ... there is another possibility, also predicated on gaining and applying the Temporal Manipulation Crest." Illya waves her on. "You say that you and Tohsaka Rin have the remnants of the failed internalized Reality Marble that grew within Emiya Shirou's original body. With his aid, he could potentially reawaken another Marble within himself. You can observe how he crafts Bounded Fields around himself and spreads it into a pocket of reality in the World. Observe how space-time and objects within it function as opposed to being in the World proper. It is understood, from mystical studies, that a Reality Marble manifests through the will of its user: and their own differing and strong perspective of reality."

"Are you saying I should get onii-chan and the others to show me how to make my own Reality Marble?" Illya quirks an eyebrow.

The maid shakes her head. "No. Besides, you already are aware that Reality Marbles cannot be inherited in, or as, Magic Crests. They cannot be emulated either, as far as I understand. But the Emiya Crest generates a powerful Bounded Field or frequency bordering on a rudimentary Marble, from what I am given to understand. Through Emiya Shirou, you could stabilize and learn how to do render yourself into a similar state."

"A good point." Illya says. "I am sure Rin will want to see how a Reality Marble works. That is one more avenue in my favour to get her to help us. But we have to also help onii-chan stabilize his current body. Will the Circuit strengthening solutions work?"

Sella pauses. "It is a derivative cultivation liquid, similar to developing homunculi. As long as it has been adapted to his Origin and Affinity through genetic material, it should reinforce his Magic Circuits and nerve-endings properly. Combined with your power in the Third Magic, such as it is, it could expedite the process of growth and integration further than it has prior. I do caution patience and slow dosages so as not to provoke unstable mutations."

"I thought as much." Illya nods. "I would like you to look over the solution I've made already so that we can know how best to give onii-chan is medicine."

"Understood." Sella bows. "In the meantime, might I suggest you take a break for dinner?"

Illya pouts. "But Sella, I am still watching Leysritt and Saber."

"Again, understood. But you need to maintain your metabolism, Mistress. Especially if you are going to be altering it in the near-future and experimenting with powerful mystic arts. Sustenance is important."

"It's. All right." Another voice calls out. "Saber. And I. Are finished."

Leysritt and Saber walk over to Illya and Sella. Saber looks a little flushed, which pleases Illya as the homunculus must have given her some challenge if nothing else. 

"Come on." Sella says. "Let us not keep Miss waiting for her dinner."

"We are. Waiting for you. Sella." 

The two homunculi regard each other. For a few moments, Illya smiles. It's almost like how they teased and confronted each other before. Sella then breaks the spell and walks away. 

"Leys." Illya tells her. "You are getting better. Just like you used to be."

"I will. Take your word. On that. Miss."

Illya sighs again, even as she feels a hand ruffle her hair, and Leysritt walks away. Illya looks after her, stunned. A slow tear trickles down her face. Then a brighter smile.

Saber stands beside her. "They are doing well."

"Yes." Illya whispers, her voice suddenly hoarse. "They really are. Come on. You heard them." She turns and wags her finger at the Servant. "I want to get there on time. I know you will eat all the dinner if left to your own devices. Besides, you need room for when we come back to onii-chan. After what we've done here, he has no excuse but to cook for us again."

Illya does not miss the way that Saber smiles. She seems to glow golden in the wintery light of the courtyard. "I hope he is all right." She says.

"Me too, Saber." She takes Saber's hand and follows after her maids, her friends, the rest of her family. "I hope he's not getting into too much trouble." 


	43. Chapter 43

Shirou doesn't know what to do.

He's been walking outside for hours. His fingers rake through his hair a few times. The sun is going down. He knows the more he stays out here, walking around the neighbourhood, the more Sakura will worry. She might even send Rider after him, or phone Rin and ask where he is. That thought leads to the other, and the fact that he's already late and was last seen with her and ...

And he can't forget that he's bonded to Sakura now. To some extent, she can even feel his emotions, and obviously see fragments of his memories in dreams. That was part of the deal. It's part of the reason he's still even alive, never mind walking. There is a pretty good chance, all things considered, that Sakura already knows about what happened.

He remembers the vulnerable, but resolute expression on Rin's face. It's as though he's seen it before. Not just in this War, but other versions of this War, and after it ... at the Clock Tower? During the most grueling battles? Even after he ... he died ... Not when he disintegrated after this War, but at another place, and another time. Shirou grits his teeth. _Damn you, Archer. You're enjoying this from the grave, or wherever you are._ Shirou even thinks he can hear the Counter-Guardian's sardonic chuckle in his mind, which annoys him further as it's almost like someone tape-recorded and played back his own laugh right at him with distortion in his mind. It pisses him off. It still infuriates him that he became that man in another life. And he always knew. It was just the way the Servant looked at him, and glared at him. They hated each other, even though ... even though he sacrificed what was left of his corrupted life when he turned away from his original dream ...

Just what is Shirou's dream now?

 _To protect Sakura._ He tells himself as he keeps walking into the sunset. To protect Illya. Rider. Saber. Rin ...

He thinks about Rin's lips against his. Passionate, defiant, _alive_. The sweetness of Saber's kiss and how they fit into each other. Rider's sultry touch and sweet embrace. And Sakura ... Sakura like life blood. It hurts that she's in pain now. It's an old pain. He knows that. But he can't help her. He can be there for her. But can he be there for her, and Saber, and Rider, and ... _Rin_? 

Shirou looks down at his hands. He is just one man. He shouldn't have even survived the Shinto Fire. It had burned away everything he was, and could have been. He wonders why he has no memories of the person he could have been if the Fourth War had never happened, or occurred differently and he and ... and those around him had been spared. Perhaps Archer, going through the multiverse, could only see the lives of others from his own perspective, which would have fractured more than the static in Shirou's mind during the War. Or maybe, just as his power is to imagine what can beat an opponent, it is his lack of imagination of what he could have been, and what he can now be, that limits seeing or remembering anything from multiple possibilities of time. Frankly, it hurts his head, and even these thoughts are only a distraction from the real issue. From what is happening right now.

The truth is, Shirou still doesn't believe he deserves any of this. 

Sakura needs someone to comfort her after her parents left her with a monster. Rider can protect Sakura better now than he ever could. Saber is Rin's Servant, and Rin is a prodigy that will, eventually, need an heir to carry on the Tohsaka Family line. Even Illya has gone back to her Clan, and from her brief phone call with him informed him that she is its ninth head now. And here he is now, with the exception of his sister ... _being_ with them. 

Years of reading and watching proper decorum tells him that he's going to screw this up. That he already is. It helps that Sakura and Rider told him it was ok, that Saber is accepted by Sakura ... But _Rin_ too? What the hell is _wrong_ with him? Why did he tell her he had no regrets about kissing her? She's mourning her parents and the lies she's been hearing for most of her life? Did he say that because he didn't want to hurt her feelings, or Sakura's? 

No. No, he knows himself better than that. Shirou realizes that he meant everything that he said to Rin. 

But he kissed Rin right after Sakura faced down the pain of her birth parents abandoning her. It's different. While Sakura doesn't harbour the anger and resentment towards her sister that she did during the War anymore, this timing of this couldn't have been worse unless she had walked in the way them the way he had walked in on ...

No. Shirou wants to think that he is better than that. That's not to say that Rin and Saber are bad people, or anything of that kind. Life happens. Life happens even more insanely in the Moonlit World where a magus walks the path between life and death. 

But right now, even knowing intellectually that what he's feeling makes sense and is all right, Shirou has never felt more confused and scared in his whole life. And the thought that Sakura can feel that, only makes it worse ...

"Hey Mister! Are you lost?"

Shirou stops, nearly bumping into the other man. 

"Oh." Shirou feels even more like an idiot now. "No. No, I live here. I'm sorry." He smiles awkwardly. "I wasn't watching where I was going."

"It's ok." The other laughs. "None of us really do." He shakes his head. "Only reason I asked is because I'm lost too." 

"Oh." Shirou regards the man. He seems older. Shirou figures perhaps the other is in his late twenties or early thirties. He is tall. A tall man with long, raven black hair matching dark jeans. He is wearing a red T-shirt. " _Admirable Great Tactics Thirteen_?"

The man smiles, adjusting the spectacles on his face. "Yeah. The World War III Edition."

"World War ..." Shirou shakes his head. "I ... worked downtown. Never really played the games, but don't they ... take place in the Second War?"

"Well. They did for a while. The first four games, they're the classics." The man tells him, as though letting him in on a vast conspiracy. "After that, they became a great franchise but they started to repeat themselves too much. You know. Like most people. Why mess with a formula that works?"

"I ... see." Shirou's brow furrows, indicating that he doesn't. "I saw just Number Four in passing. I didn't know it was a big franchise."

"It wasn't at first." The other chuckles. "But then you have your waves of nostalgia and they were a hit. Of course, like I said, they repeated themselves. They tried to get around it with Gaiden versions. Like the Allies Chapters. Hell, there was even an _Admirable Great Tactics Zero._ Set in World War One. Allies and Central Powers, my friend. Personally, I think it happened because people were getting too tired of seeing Nazis. It got a little too close to home."

"I can imagine." Shirou says, getting distracted by this stranger's talk about games, but somehow finding it welcome. "A lot of people died in World War II."

"Yeah." The other says. "Most strategy games about war tend to gloss over the parts about genocide and dead people." 

Shirou closes his eyes. This guy has no idea how right he is. He nods. "Yeah. Where did you say you were going?"

"Oh." The man shrugs. "I haven't been here in a while. I've been looking for the place where my Mom's family used to live."

"I see." Shirou finds himself looking at the other man, who has also grown quiet. "Do you know where she lived?"

"Do you know where the Western Quarter of this city is?"

Shirou laughs. "Actually, I just came from there." 

"Really?" The other smiles. For some reason, the smile puts Shirou entirely at ease. In fact, it is a pretty infectious smile. 

"Yeah." Shirou tells him, liking to feel helpful. "I can give you some directions."

"Please do."

"The Western-style houses are that way." Shirou outlines the paths the man needs to take. "You, um, you're here to visit family?"

"Well, like I said. My family _used_ to be here. Though, really." The man leans in a bit, a conspiratorial smile on his face. "I was hoping I'd beat my sister here."

"Did you?" Shirou asks.

"Nah." The man shakes his head, his smile turning into a gentle, rueful grin. It occurs to Shirou that the man has a small goatee on his face. "What I can say? She needs time, and I need space."

"I think I get it ..."

"Hey. Um ... I'm in no hurry." The man says. "Like I said, time and space. It looks like you're needing a bit of space yourself."

Shirou quirks an eyebrow at him.  The other shakes his head. "I can tell. You're walking around slowly. Your hands in your pockets. You're thinking pretty hard. Maybe about the things you can't change, or control? Does that sound about right?"

Shirou chuckles. He can't help it. The sardonic smirk on the other's face seems familiar. Not in an insulting way, but in a wry almost resigned fashion. As if he's seen it all before. "Yeah." He sighs. "I guess I do need space."

"I see." The man nods. "Well ... I understand if you want to be left alone. I guess I'm doing something pretty similar. I hope I'm not bothering you."

"No." Shirou says. "You didn't really interrupt anything."

"I didn't think so." The other says. "Like I said, I'm not in a hurry. Would you mind the company?"

Shirou puzzles over the man's offer. Then he finds himself shrugging. "I don't mind."

"Great."

 The two of them continue walking. They watch the sun set off in the distance. Shirou doesn't find this odd. There is a long, companionable silence between the two men -- between him and the stranger -- as they walk down the road. 

"Girl trouble?" The other man asks.

Shirou jolts a bit. What in the hell ... "I ... no. Not ... not trouble."

"All right." The man nods. "Did you just come from seeing a girl in that neighbourhood?"

"Yeah." Shirou says. "I mean no. I mean I saw a girl."

"I see." The other shakes his head as if he is hearing some old joke told many times by now. "And you're on a stroll back to see another girl."

"Yes. She is my ..." Shirou's words trail off.

"Sister?"

Shirou shakes his head. "No. But I'm worried about her too."

"I know that feeling." The other says. "I can relate to most of those feelings."

"I ..." Shirou sighs. "I'm still getting used to them."

"Oh." The two are deeper into the Eastern style residential neighbourhood now. "So they know about each other."

"They are ... sisters." Shirou rubs his face.

"Well." The other says. "Damn."

"And they and ... the others know about each other."

Shirou sees the man quirk an eyebrow at him. "Well damn. It sounds like you're a very busy young man."

"I didn't ..." Shirou begins and a part of him is wondering just why he suddenly feels like being so frank. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen."

"Well, from what I understand, it's never entirely _you_ that makes these things happen. Especially when other parties are involved. And life, of course." 

"Yeah." Shirou shifts his hands in his pockets. "I mean ... I'm living with my childhood friend and ... her friend. But her sister and I were on Student Council and she's been my ... tutor. They were ... they were estranged for a while. A ..."

"A family divorce?"

"Something like that." Shirou admits. "My sister and I went through something like that too. My Dad was dying. He didn't even tell me about her."

"Geez." The man says. "That's rough."

"Tell me about it." Understatement of the century. "And then one of my Dad's ... old friends appears and gets me out of some ... trouble I guess. We get close. But then she's gone. I thought it was my fault." Shirou's fists clench inside his jeans. "But I fought. I got her back. I got my girlfriend back. I got ... sick. Really sick. I was injured. My girlfriend, her friend, my sister, my Dad's old friend, and my tutor took care of me. I just caught up on schoolwork. All the stuff I missed." Shirou realizes just how lame all of this sounds, this attempt to reduce it all into something mundane. 

"It sounds like they are good people."

"They are." Shirou says, with a conviction that he sometimes forgets he has. "All of them."

"You have an understanding with your girlfriend and her friend, don't you. And that old friend of your Dad's?"

"Yeah." Shirou's eyes narrow in suspicion. "How did you ... know that?"

"You pretty much told me." The other laughs. "I'm sorry. It's just ... your troubles are pretty much easy to read. You are too."

"I've heard that before." Shirou admits. "Yeah. My girlfriend says it's ok for me to be with her friend. And my Dad's friend. She ... protected me. I saved her from some stuff. I tried to. I ... I really miss her." 

"Yeah." The other says, his voice almost a sigh. "I can tell."

"I mean." Shirou says. "Everything just happened so fast. First we were all meeting, then against each other, then banding together. Then I got ... hurt. Maybe that's what did it. Or maybe it was always there."

"It's funny what you realize is important when it's almost gone."

Shirou turns to look, to _really_ look, at his companion. "Your family?"

"My Dad died too."

"Oh." Shirou feels awkward at that statement, said so suddenly. "I'm sorry to hear that."

"Me too." There is a strange expression warring on the other's face as he looks at Shirou, and then looks away. "It was a while ago. But it changed our family. A lot. He was a good man. I mean ..." The man slowly moves his hands up and down, trying to capture the words. "A really good man. I miss him ... every day."

"I miss my Dad too." Shirou says, looking down at the ground.

"I had ... I have a good family." The other continues. "It wasn't what you would call orthodox, or 'normal.' Whatever that is. But I've also been where you are. Do you want to hear some two cents from a stranger?"

Shirou finds himself nodding.

"All right. Well, you're lucky." The other looks into Shirou's eyes with a sudden, serious heaviness of conviction. "You are a lucky man ... to be loved like that. And there is nothing wrong with it. There is no shame in loving each other as long as you _just keep talking_. Trust me on that. I was ... where you were once. And, well, we talked for a while. Until we didn't."

Shirou doesn't know what to say, but the words come out anyway. "And then what happened?"

The man shrugs and grins with an eerie brightness. "I had a lot more time for games." It doesn't fool Shirou though. He can see the melancholy look around the other's eyes. "I have a lot more time for them anyway. Time is pretty fickle like that." He chuckles, as though laughing at a joke only he can understand. He shakes his shaggy head again. "But really, my friend? My advice? Keep talking to them. Learn from each other. And don't lose them."

"I just ..." Shirou tries to find the words again. "I just don't know what I should do about my tutor and my girlfriend. She says I can see other people, but she is her sister. And they have gone through so much together. She had a tough day today, visiting her parents' graves and all the feelings around them. And then I comforted her sister and ... then we were honest. Do I talk with her about it now? Do I just wait?"

The other man regards him. Shirou notices that there is a faint, almost fond smile on his face. "I know it feels messy." He tells him. "But I can tell that you are a good man too. What you feel is genuine. It comes from a place of truth. Like I said, I think you should just keep talking. You will do just fine." 

The man stops walking. "Well. It's been really good talking with you, but I think I should go now."

"Hey." Shirou says, putting out his hand. "My name is Emiya Shirou." 

The other smiles. He takes Shirou's hand. "It's nice to meet you, Shirou. I'm Nagato."

 _Nagato .._. something about that name feels familiar to Shirou. "Well, thank you for the talk Nagato."

"You're very welcome Shirou." He holds Shirou's hand one second longer than Shirou anticipates. "And thank you. For the company."

As the sun finally sets, Shirou realizes the man has amber eyes. Nagato puts his hand on something on his belt and begins to walk away. "You should really get back, Shirou. I think your family is waiting for you."

"I will." He promises the man and walks away. Then he turns around ... and Nagato is gone. Shirou stares at the place where the man used to be. Nagato must walk fast when he isn't strolling. Shirou hopes the man has all the space he can need. He realizes he is now in his own neighbourhood. Something falls into place inside of him. He feels a bit sad, but a large degree of acceptance. This is his life now. And, honestly, he definitely knows that he can live with that. 


	44. Chapter 44

Rider opens the door.

The boy stands there. He looks tired. Even with her eyes free now, she can still smell him. There was anxiety there. Perhaps even a bit of fear. But something seems to have settled inside of Shirou. His key is half-way to the door before it registers that she has opened it. He pockets it again and, for a few moments, looks sheepish. 

"Is Rin all right?" She asks him.

He pauses for a bit. "Yeah." Shirou finally sighs. "Tohsaka's been through a lot. We all have. I know I definitely have."

"I can tell." Rider says as Shirou walks into the house. She closes the door behind him. 

"Rider, where is Sakura?" His eyes light intently on her. "Is she all right?" 

"She is better now." Rider decides to let him off the hook, and puts any potential suspense aside. "She's not in your room though."

It takes Shirou a little while to let that news set in. "I see."

They regard each other quietly for a moment. Rider shakes her head. "This really is all new to us, isn't it boy?"

"Yeah. You're telling me." Shirou scratches the back of his head. Rider understands now, after all this time, just why women tend to gravitate towards Shirou. There is something very self-conscious and just ... adorable about that gesture. It suits his very open nature. Combined with that honest face of his reading more obviously than any of her books in braille, it is hard to stay mad at him for too long: if one is ever truly angry at him to begin with. She can tell he is worried about what Sakura is thinking. But she knows he really shouldn't be. 

"I mean." He starts. Then his brow furrows and he continues. "Sakura was the first relationship I had. Then ... then you. And then there's Saber and ..." 

"I'm not exactly an expert on these matters myself, Shirou." She tells him. "The only ... intimate experience I had was being violated by a god in the temple of another goddess. And consuming men and women for ages." _And preying on men and women during the War, of course._  

"Consuming ... yes ..." _Gods, the boy is really adorable when he is trying not to get all flustered._  He and Rin have that much in common, but while it eggs her on when she does that Rin, it only makes Rider want to _eat_ Shirou. Not unlike the days on her island. She can smell the arousal warring with that steadfast nature she saw in his eyes earlier. "... did you, take care of her?"

Rider slants her head to the side, an amused smirk forming on her lips. "Of course I did, boy. I am Sakura's Servant after all."

The boy blushes. "I mean ... I wasn't here. It was ... pretty intense at the cemetery. And I just want to know if you were there for her."

Rider considers Shirou's words, and nods. "Yes, Shirou. I was."

"Good." He tells her. "You were there for her long before I even knew what I was going in her life. I guess that was a pretty stupid question."

"You underestimate yourself, you know." She says. "It was, what, ten years before the Fifth War began. Before I was ever summoned." She puts a hand on his face. "You were there for her where it mattered. And all this is the growth from that and everything we have gone through together."

Shirou puts his hand on hers. She can feel him leaning his cheek into her palm. It makes her feel interesting. She has seen him awkward, but not vulnerable like this. They really have come a long way. "You are a part of Sakura's life." He tells her. "And a part of mine. I want to ... talk with you. With the both of you, whenever you have time. I don't ... I don't know if Sakura is up to it right now ..."

Rider looks towards her room. "She's still awake. She's been waiting for you." She points at him. "Just so you know. Before you try to sleep in the storehouse again." 

"Thank you, Rider." Shirou says. She nods and walks towards her room, with Shirou following her. 

As a guestroom, it isn't too far at all from his, and Sakura's room. Rider slides open the door and sees Sakura right where she left her. Her Master has rumpled her bed. She held her there for a while before Sakura sensed Shirou stepping through the Bounded Field and told her to open the door. Rider herself had sensed him, smelling his scent, and the faint metallic smell of his own magic. 

Rider can smell her own familiar scent filling the room. She's nested in here for a while now. It isn't the dark and red place, or even the island of Breaker Gorgon. But it is comfortable. Shirou was good enough to bring in and build more book shelves for her, though she insisted on helping as his body still tends to seize up from time to time. It's less a spare room now, and more her home. Her lair. Sakura is sitting up on her futon. Her hair is all mussed, but her face looks a little less haggard. The two of them dozed together for a while, before Shirou had come back home and woke them up from their half-slumber. 

"Senpai." Sakura says. "I'm glad you are all right." 

"I am, Sakura." Shirou tells her. "Um ..."

"You should sit down." Rider firmly steers Shirou's shoulders forward to her bed. It occurs to her, aside from the times Shirou helped her move the shelves in along with Sakura, that the two have never really spent a large amount of time in her room. Usually, this is her own space: where she meditates, reads, sleeps, and often pleasures herself. But the boy did mention that he wanted to talk to the both of them. She would have left the room to give them some privacy otherwise, but in addition to Shirou's words Sakura herself hasn't really gone out of her way to indicate that she wants to be alone one way or another. 

 _"You are my family."_ She said earlier, when they came home after the ordeal in the cemetery. _"When it comes down to it, Rider, that is all that matters to me."_

Shirou does, in fact, sit down. Rider imagines that the boy can smell her here. Perhaps his senses aren't as attuned as her own, but this has been her place for a while and she has marked it with her ancient presence. It's funny when she thinks about it. Technically, out of everyone in their assorted group, and in this relationship, she is the eldest being. But in no way does that mean she is necessarily the wisest, or all-knowing. She didn't lie to Shirou earlier. She is figuring this out just as much as the rest of them.

"Just so you know." Shirou says, after a time. "I, um, Tohsaka and I did, well ... nothing untoward ..."

"We know, Senpai." Sakura replies. "I know that."

"Yes." Rider decides to chime in. "There was no smell on you. Not like there is with us. Or Rin and Saber."

"R-right." Shirou's face turns red. "I was walking. Trying to figure all of this stuff out. But ... when we were leaving the cemetery. We were ... Tohsaka and I were talking. And ... well." He sighs. "We kissed."

Sakura pauses. "I see."

Rider regards the two of them. This doesn't surprise her. The tension between the boy and Sakura's sister was through the roof, and that was before she had stayed over. Rider admits to herself that she took Rin's form, during her feeding on Shirou, during the War in order to dissuade him from pursuing anything with her. She wanted Sakura's happiness. And, besides, at the time she really didn't like Rin's attitude. In retrospect, Rider realizes there may have been a little bit of possessiveness on her part with regards to the boy. There was just something about drinking from the purity of his dream: something that she knew would change and she just didn't want Rin to have that. Or anyone, aside from her Master. 

Shirou stumbles on. "I ... I don't want this to change anything. I mean ..." He sighs. "It probably already does. And then there's Saber too. But I love her. Just as I love you. But ..." He thinks about it. "Differently?" 

"I know." Sakura says.

It takes a while, but Rider also realizes just what Shirou has said. He's looking at both of them. He wanted her in the room with them. 

"You love us?" She clarifies. 

Shirou's face somehow turns even more red. The iron content in his blood smells even more potent. "I ..." It looks like has just realized what he has said. "You live here, in my place. With me. You've both saved my life. You still continue to save it. I am responsible for you. I want to protect you."

"But does that mean that you _love_ us?" Rider's eyes narrow. She wants this clear. This has not been said before. She knows exactly how he feels about Sakura, but this is the first time he has ever said these words to her. Personally. 

Then Shirou does something she doesn't expect. He takes her hand. He doesn't ask her to sit down, in her own bed, but she does. She sits on the other side of him, He takes his other hand and puts it on Sakura's. Sakura looks away. 

"Sakura, I ..." Shirou sees this immediately. "I know this is strange. I mean, I keep stumbling into all of this. I have no idea what I'm doing ... but I do. I love you. And I love Rider. And Saber. And ... and your sister. We've all gone through so much together. All this pain. And fighting. And death. It ... it'll be hard." He swallows. "But I'm willing to try. If you are." 

"No Senpai." Sakura sobs.

"Oh." Shirou's face falls a bit. 

"No, I mean ..." Sakura looks back at the two of them. Her face is soaked in tears, but she's smiling. She's smiling that radiant smile that Rider has gotten used to, and that she wants to see every day for the rest of her existence. It is a perfect complement to the large, goofy, earnest smile that the boy has. Two broken people, found joy with each other. "I'm just ... I'm so happy you think so."

Sakura turns to smile at Rider. Rider's fingers tighten around Shirou's own. She is happy for them too. And ... even herself. Sakura leans forward, as though sensing her feelings, and kisses her. Rider kisses her back and tastes the salt of her tears. Shirou watches them. Then Rider puts her hands on his face. She looks into his amber eyes. Then she looks back at Sakura. 

"I missed my sisters for a very long time." Rider tells them. "I thought that ... I lost my family forever. But you." She remembers Sakura's words from earlier. "You are _my_ family now." 

She kisses Shirou on the forehead. Sakura leans forward and wraps herself around Shirou. Shirou puts his arm around her shoulders. Then Rider, seeing this, moves forward and puts her arm around Sakura and him. They hold each other like that for a while. Rider closes her eyes and senses their different presences intermingling. She can smell Sakura's cherry scent and the iron of the boy. And her own lilac scent. Shirou relaxes between them. Rider can sense his arousal. She can even smell Sakura's wetness. But she knows that Shirou will not initiate. And Sakura is tired. Rider quells the potential stirrings of her own hunger. 

Instead, eventually, they lie back together on the futon. It manages to hold the three of them as they cuddle. 

"This is nice." Sakura murmurs.

"Yes." Shirou replies.

Rider just soaks in their body heat and says nothing, listening to their hearts beat. This really is nice.

"Senpai ..." Sakura says after a while. "I ... I confess that, well ... Neesan and I talked about this."

"... what?"

Sakura sighs. "Well I brought this up with her before. I think we were just circling around it. I ... I have no problem with you loving Neesan. Our issues, like I told her, were between our Families. Not us. If you ... want to pursue it ... it is all right."

"... ok." Shirou's voice sounds small.

"I do suggest one thing, boy." Rider adds.

Shirou turns to look at her. "What is it ... Rider?"

Rider gives him a look. "At this point, soon, you should really stop calling her 'Tohsaka' if you're going to be that close."

Shirou blinks, as though this has just occurred to him, which she knows it has.

"Thank you, Rider." Sakura says. "I was just about to say the same thing." 

The three of them nestle together. Sakura goes to sleep first, followed by Shirou. Rider's last thought, before she indulges in the luxury of sleep, is as she's engulfed in their mutual scents, she smells something else. It is from Shirou. It is a man's scent. It is both ... different and familiar. It somehow smells like Shirou, but it isn't him. Not entirely. That last impression lingers in Rider's mind as she finally goes to sleep. 


	45. Chapter 45

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So basically, for some of this chapter, I have Rin ruminating on the possible nature of some True Magics. It's rather academic and delves into some Nasuverse lore with my own creative speculations on some elements, but I think it's interesting and it really outlines Rin's word and mindset. I also ... well, placed a few other tidbits into this chapter as well. The joys of creation. ;)

Rin writes about Magic.

Anyone outside of the Mage's Association and its branches, and magic society in general would be forgiven for not knowing the differences between magecraft and Magic. The Tohsaka magus goes over those differences in her mind as she writes her essay for Lord El-Melloi the Second's Twelfth Modern Magecraft Theories Department.

Magecraft is the art of utilizing mystical energy to create Mysteries in line with the rules of the World such as it is now. Once, long ago, magi were capable of drawing and utilizing their Mysteries from the Swirl of the Root -- of Akasha -- itself when the power of True Ether once existed. That last part is an element of Rin's own conceit based on everything she's studied so far, and some of the Second Magician Zelretch's own offhand comments on the matter. This time had been known as the Age of Gods: where humanity was scarce and lived side by side with monsters and creatures such as Phantasmal Beasts, along with gods and their progeny walked openly on the earth. According to some historical accounts in the Association, or what would eventually from from the European Wandering Sea into the British Mage's Association and the Middle-Eastern Atlas Academy, the Age of Gods ended with the death of Solomon of Israel: the so-called King of Magic that created many of the systems of Modern Magecraft that magi utilize to this very day.

Suffice to say, after meandering through much of this information, Rin's argument -- which she is attempting to focus her thoughts on and express -- is that whether or not King Solomon had created Modern Magecraft, it was through a specific application of Magic -- True Magic -- that Ether was born: the energy that allows Modern Magecraft to even be possible. True Magic is different from magecraft, even at the height of the Age of Gods, from what Rin has been led to believe from study and application. While magecraft deals with the science of the World now, Magic is a power that exists closer to Akasha that allows one to perform miracles beyond the rules of mortal reality. 

And fortunately, or unfortunately, her work with Zelretch does not excuse her from turning in assignments and study to Lord El-Melloi the Second: especially with its newest department. Rin feels conflicted on this. Back when she began at the Tower in earnest, after the Association granted her a reprieve after the disaster of the Fifth Holy Grail War, she wanted to have more hands on approaches to studies with regards to True Magic: opportunities that she learned to dread after Zelretch practically threw her into reality after reality. She learned to really appreciate Mineralogy after many of those sessions, which she studied under El-Melloi's guidance until he changed over into his new Department: also known as Modern Magical Studies. 

Rin knows that, even now, students and even other lecturers look down on that supposed "hodge-podge" of subjects but some of the most innovative and dynamic new generations of magi have come from El-Melloi's tutelage. For all of his strange obsessions with video games, his approaches to research and questioning the mental tools of learning thousands of years of traditional knowledge actually impresses Rin. It also doesn't hurt to provide some theorem and food for thought to a potential political ally in the Tower proper. Zelretch himself is notable enough, but too erratic to grant Rin any specific connections within the hierarchy. But Lord El-Melloi the Second is something of an innovator, close to the Democratic Faction in some respects, but with his obvious Aristocratic ties through the El-Melloi Family he remains neutral enough to not be targeted by too many machinations, but flexible enough to cultivate a wide variety of different magi connections through his students. 

So Rin does feel obligated in writing this long overdue treatise of sorts. Most of it is, at best, speculation and an exercise in critical thinking and questioning format and theory. If she were to actually be honest with anyone else about this, Modern Magical Studies was a lot like the arcane equivalent to the Humanities. 

Rin admits to herself that there is some merit in questioning ages of methodology, especially when it can lead to practical implications. After all, the magi that achieved elements of True Magic, or attempted to access and see the Root, were anything other than orthodox in their varied approaches. 

True Magic. The crux of Rin's work at the moment, the text that is cramping her hand holding her fine quill pen, has to do with ether clumps. Generally, in order to get the Mysteries of magecraft to even function, the magus in question has to draw on Ether and combine it with the four other elements of Air, Earth, Water, and Fire respectively in order to achieve an effect. But sometimes the combinations do not turn out well, and as a result ether clumps are created: substances that can channel magic, but are otherwise seemingly useless. They are glorified by-products or even waste -- the Liquid Clay -- of Thaumaturgy gone off ... or so they seem. 

After reading up on the subject and being introduced to a reality Zelretch dumped her into which stained her in milky ether-clumps whose inhabitants claimed to be something like Biblical ambrosia, it got Rin thinking. It had been after Zelretch himself mentioned that ether-clump generation was somewhat related to the First Magic. He definitely didn't seem altogether sure on the subject himself. But that scrap of knowledge was something that most students would sell their body parts, pieces of their souls, and those of others to know: this tidbit from the upper echelons of the hierarchy. 

Rin is trying to make a case for the idea that Ether was created through the generation of Ether-clumps, and not the other way around as a failed materialization. She attempts to argue, on this parchment at the moment, that it is entirely possible that the magus who became the First Magician created Ether as an artificial alternative to the now lost True Ether that magi used to utilize. The First Magician may have simply found Solomon's attempts at Ether creation and applied his principles to it, or made it themselves and worked off from there to the Root. Thus, by implication Rin is trying to argue that ... well, she doesn't know exactly. That the First Magician created the power source that all modern magi utilize in lieu of True Ether? That the user of the First Magic, in looking at the Root and turning away, brought back this knowledge and knew short-cuts around utilizing Ether? That perhaps they could create it or mould it in ways beyond ordinary magi if they, or a successor, were still alive? Certainly, to Rin, it would explain just why the Barthomeloi Family, bluest of the magi blue blood, were known to respect the user of the First Magic the most. If her speculations were right, the First had been able to create the power source behind their current system of magecraft as an alternative so that others could eventually approach True Ether again and the Root. 

It is dry and didactic as all hell. But Rin is working at it. She tries to hide her thoughts behind this wall of text that she is writing. A part of her wonders if she is acting not unlike what some theorists believe the Fourth Magic to be: a form of True Magic that links the other Magics together and somehow manages to hide itself -- and its potential user -- in plain sight. The ability to hide or cloak one's existence from Alaya, the Counter-Force of Humanity, and Gaia as the power of the World itself would be immensely useful to a magus attempting to change reality. If only Rin could hide from her personal problems right now, in much the same fashion. 

 _Damn it all_. Rin puts her quill down before her errant thoughts about the Fourth Magic put her paper further off-tangent than it already is. 

Rin knows she doesn't need anymore distractions right now. Saber is not a distraction, even though she still misses her considerably. This thought chagrins the Tohsaka Head. After everything they have gone through together since embarking on her apprenticeship to a maddened inter-dimensional vampire wizard, it makes sense that they would have gotten so close. But then that dratted Rider ... constantly teasing her whenever she comes to visit Sakura ... The flirting is entertaining, but sometimes Rin doesn't know how far it will get, or how far she should go. There is always something predatory about the Servant, tracking her, marking her with her eyes -- sometimes unseen, and other times blatant -- and she just doesn't always know where she stands. 

And then there is Shirou.

Ever since that time in the schoolyard ... and the War ... and everything he did. It chafes her to no end. The big idiot has always been there for them. And for her. She can see what Sakura sees in him, and Saber as well. None of this, even where she is now, would have been possible without him. And in a place she doesn't like to go, it terrifies her that she almost lost him:  a similar reason as to why she gave him her Father's pendant to survive Lancer's attack. 

She still can't believe she confessed her feelings so quickly. Or was it quickly? Rin grits her teeth in frustration, keeping her eyes on the page in front of her. Even after her talk with Sakura, it's just ... first Saber and then him. In some ways, it would solve some issues, that is true. But in other ways, it might cause more complications and variables and ...

Rin gets up and walks away from her writing desk. 

"Gah." She mutters to herself, her face turning red at the memory of her lips on his. "So hopeless." 

_"Hello?"_

Rin stops moving. 

_"Hello? Is anyone there?"_

She isn't hearing things. The voice is echoing from somewhere in her Workshop. Rin's Magic Circuits immediately flare to life. 

_"Hello?"_

Her heightened senses reach out. No. Her Bounded Fields are still in place. There is no magic here aside from her own. The voice keeps repeating itself. It sounds annoyed more than anything, or confused. It echoes through the Workshop. 

_"Damn ... I wonder if it's not in storage or something ..."_

"The fuck ..." Rin generally prides herself on being straightforward and after having to repeat her argument several times in different ways in her paper as per Association guidelines, and tracking down this weird voice, enough is finally enough. "Who the hell are you?" She calls out. "Where are you?"

_"... should be in the lower corner of the room ...:"_

Rin pauses and shakes her head. _The hell?_ She follows the sound of the voice and the vague directions until she comes across some old tables. They haven't been maintained in a while. There is a clockwork writing device with some old parchment in it. Some more books. And a phonograph ...

_"Hello? Damn, Mom said it would still be there ..."_

It takes Rin a while to realize that the voice is coming from the old bronze phonograph. She has never seen this Mystic Code, or mystical device before. It looks like it belonged to an older Tohsaka magus, possibly her father. 

"I found you." Rin says in utter bewilderment. 

 _"Oh thank god."_ The voice, masculine and elegant despite its informal tone, sounds relieved. _"I'm sorry to bother you."_

"No problem." Rin is still bristling with energy, her hand on her dagger hilt, and Gandr building on her finger. "Now who in the ever-loving fuck are you? And why are you communicating through ... through this?" 

_"Well, most magi aren't in the habit of having phones."_

Rin has no patience for this. "I have a _rotary phone_. If you are from the Association, you already know that."

_"Yes, but I don't have your number, sadly. But ... I was told about this, and I gambled and it paid off."_

"Who." Rin starts. "In the hell. Are. You? Or I need to test my curses out through a phonograph?"

 _"I'm not sure you can. But."_ The voice continues before Rin can scream at him. _"That essay you're doing right now? Interesting stuff. But it's not going to get you what you need."_

Rin feels her veins turn into ice. "What?"

 _"Let's just say, in another place, you told me about it."_ The voice explains. _"That damn old man. He manages to make things easy and complicated all at the same time."_

Rin exhales slowly. So that is what this is. "So." She says. "You're one of his too, huh?"

_"Yeah. Well, eventually I was. It's amazing I still have my mind after all this time."_

Rin glares at the phonograph. "We get that a lot. That damn vampire. So you're here to give me and my partner another mission, right?"

There is a long pause. _"No. Actually, I'm here to give some advice."_

Rin gives the phonograph a meaningful, sideways glance. "Oh really? And what is that? It'd better not be pervy."

 _"Oh. Oh god no."_ The voice splutters. Rin almost feels better. Almost. _"No. Damn, that phonograph. Doesn't it remind you of_ Admirable Great Tactics Zero Gaiden? _The one with the secret turn of the century passageway in the Austrian Castle? When they tried to make a top down RPG?"_

"What the hell? A _video game_?" Rin explodes. "Is this some kind of elaborate arcane inter-dimensional prank call? Because I swear to Zelretch, I  ..."

 _"Think of what I am going to tell you as cheat codes. Or passwords."_ The voice continues. _"For when you need them. In the Association."_

Rin pauses. The voice has turned from flippant to dead serious. She remembers El-Melloi telling her that video games possessed programming language almost analogous to the knowledge systems manipulation in their craft. "Go on." 

" _All right. So ... Gazamy is at the bottom of the Tower. If you leave, and if you have something you can negate his Bounded Field. A second is all you need."_

Rin blinks. _Gazamy? Who ..._  

 _"And ... if you know how, Avalon can repair Magic Crests."_  

Rin's eyes widen. Then a combination of shock and anger fills her. "Who in the fuck _are you_?" 

There is a chuckle. _"...it was good to hear your voice. I hope it works out for you ..."_

Then there is silence. "Hello?" Rin shouts. She comes over to the mechanism and screams into it. _"Hello?"_

But whoever it was seems to be gone. Rin hears and senses nothing else. Her heart is beating fast. This person, whoever they are, seems to be involved with Zelretch. And that really doesn't narrow it down. But this person, a man, seemed to know what she was doing, had talked with a version of her, knew some obscure Association secret, and Avalon. It bothers her. But there was something familiar that voice too. And one other odd fact. She had been in Lord El-Melloi's office many times with him and Zelretch. She had seen all of the man's games. While she sucks at those games, and most modern technology, she knows that El-Melloi has the entire collection of the _Admirable Great Tactics_ games. 

And all of them only went up to IV. None of them was at Zero. It's such a trivial thought given the blatant and vague statements of the speaker. But just as Rin is wondering if she has finally gone insane and if this conversation ever really happened, she hears her doorbell ring. She shakes her head and walks up the stairs, wondering if it's the speaker. But then she senses a familiar presence. And a smile of warm relief forms on her face despite the madness.

Saber is finally home.

Outside of Tohsaka Manor, a block away, Nagato watches as Saber comes to the door. He sees Rin open it and immediately lunge at the Servant, wrapping her arms around her. He'd watched Saber approach for some time and waited. He puts away his phone, clicking on its jewel to deactivate the thing. There is a sad, almost nostalgic look on his face. He looks at them, and then at the Magic Crest on his forearm. Then he adjusts his glasses again as he pulls out a sword from his belt. Crest and Jeweled Sword flare together, one after the other in sequence, as he disappears back into the Kaleidoscope. 

 


	46. Chapter 46

 

Shirou walks towards the Fuyuki Einzbern Castle with Rider at his side.

He doesn't know why she insisted on coming with him. Well, that isn't exactly true. Shirou knows that everyone is still wary of how his body seizes up from time to time. It occurs to him that hasn't been outside by himself, even at his former school, without one of them nearby. But it's different now. Part of it is that he's getting to see his sister again. But it is more than that.

_"Senpai." A few days ago, Sakura and Rider sat him down in the living room to have a talk. "It's been a while since I've been able to give Rider prana ..."_

_"I see." Shirou says. "But ... don't you just give it to her through your bond. Like you do with me."_

_Sakura turns to Rider and then back to Shirou. "Well, yes and no."_

_"I think what Sakura is trying to say, Shirou." Rider says. "Is that we need some time ... to ourselves."_

_".. oh." Shirou replies, suddenly and not for the first time feeling very stupid. "It has ... been a while for you two. I understand. I'll meet Illya today."_

_"Rider." Shirou doesn't miss the strangely Tohsaka-like glare that Sakura gives her Servant, before turning back to Shirou. "No. Well, that is ... part of it."_

_"Yeah, I figured." Shirou doesn't know why that pang jabs at his chest. It makes sense. Sakura and Rider had their relationship before him, and taking care of him must have taken a lot of their own time away from each other. He knows it's not personal, or anything that he did. Maybe it's another twinge of his new body, or some soul-issue he doesn't know about. Still, even during the War and towards the time he made his decision to protect Sakura, he had started to feel a lot different. His focus has changed._

_"I ... we still love you, Senpai." Sakura takes his hands in hers. "We aren't going to kick you out of your own home."_

_"_ Our _home." Rider nods. "And you did say it yourself. Illya is going to need the facilities at her residence to treat you. And that might take a while." She regards him closely. "This isn't about Rin or Saber."_

_"No." Sakura adds. "We want you or Illya to let us know what's going on. Hopefully you. From what she told us ... it won't be too bad a procedure. She has to set things up too, right? So in a few days, you can go spend some time with her. And maybe the prana flow can finally work out."_

_"I'll admit." Shirou says after a time. "It will be good to cook again."_

"Are you all right, Shirou?" Rider asks as they walk through the forest.

Shirou is feeling tired. They took a taxi to the outskirts of the land. He has to admit that walking through the Einzbern Forest without Kotomine, or attempting to rescue Illya from Zouken, True Assassin, fighting Dark Berserker and ... both Saber and Sakura ... is a much cheerier experience. The rays of sunlight gently radiate through the foliage around them. Shirou feels the property's Bounded Field react to their presences as they step through, but obviously nothing else happens. 

"I'm fine, Rider." He says. "Just tired. It's been a while since I've been walking out this far. And being back here, after everything ... it brings back memories."

"I can imagine." She replies. "Archer ... what was left of him, and I barely got you out of here alive that first time."

"Yeah." Shirou says. "Hopefully I'm feeling nothing that Illya can't cure. You know, Rider. It's ... been a while since I've left Sakura. Or you. It's been a couple of months and you've always been near. It ... it feels weird."

Rider puts a hand on Shirou's shoulder. He turns to look at her. It's strange. He can almost meet her eyes now. The pains in his body also seem to be the result of some kind of growth splurt in addition to body-soul integration. "If it makes you feel any better, boy, it will not be the same without you." 

"I know." Shirou nods, meeting her eyes. "I ..." He is trying to find the words. It's always so hard for him to find those words. Shirou acts. He doesn't generally feel as comfortable speaking, especially with regards to his feelings. "I just want you to know ... after the cemetery, when we were lying there together in your room, I ..."

"I know." Rider says. "I was happy too. I know Sakura was." 

Shirou nods again and looks away. There were so many feelings, but the best way he could describe it was that he felt at peace then. Even comfortable. After those feelings, it is hard to realize he won't see them for a few days. Something is starting, or was starting and turning into something else. To leave in the middle of all that ...

"We will be there when you get back." Rider adds. There is an edge of seriousness in her tone that snaps Shirou out of his thoughts. "Like we said, we are not kicking you out of our home. I mean it, Shirou."

"Thank you, Rider." Shirou says as they keep walking. "You know, you didn't have to come with."

"Aside from the fact that you still need supervision, who said it was all about you?"

He looks at her and her finds her taking his hand in hers. Shirou's face turns red and says nothing more as the trees thin and they come across the Castle grounds. Two white figures are standing guard, or waiting for them. Rider inclines her head. Shirou realizes she is both seeing and smelling them. 

"Those are her maids. The ones she told us about." Rider says. "Homunculi."

 "Leysritt." Shirou suddenly remembers. "Sella."

The two homunculi turn to regard them. Shirou remembers the memories, the perspective, that Illya shared with him in the park. Indeed. Sella is the one regarding them with narrow eyes, while Leysritt's expression remains neutral but somehow more open and relaxed. 

"You know our names." Sella says, her cold tone having a little bit of suspicion. Shirou can feel the energy in the other's Magic Circuits rise a bit. 

"This is. Emiya. Shirou." Leysritt puts a hand on Sella's arm, earning something of a glare from the other homunculus. The maid lowers her impressive looking halberd. Shirou can see Rider's own body posture relax. "Welcome. Our Mistress. Has been expecting. You." 

Sella blinks once. Shirou feels her energy slowly dissipate. She sighs. "So you are Emiya Shirou. Our apologies." Leysritt gives Sella a quizzical look, though whether it is at the fact she was about to react with aggression earlier, or at equating their actions together is something beyond Shirou. Certainly, her tone doesn't sound all that conciliatory. If anything it sounds more annoyed. "Come this way. Our Mistress ... our ..." Her brow furrows. "Illyasviel-sama ... is waiting ..."

Something nags at Shirou, watching the homunculi maids interact and talk. But he isn't sure what it is exactly. He turns to Rider, who has settled back into her impassivity. "Well, Rider. I guess I'll see you ..."

Rider takes Shirou's cheek in one hand, leans forward, and kisses him deeply. Shirou's mind jolts, but then returns her kiss. She wraps herself around him and her tongue explores his own. He relaxes into her arms before she withdraws. 

"I meant what I said before." She tells him, as she turns. "We will be there when you get back." 

Then Rider begins to walk away, back into the forest, leaving a stunned Shirou and two puzzled homunculi to look after her. 

"If you're done exchanging cooties." Illya's voice booms out over the Castle ground, projected by her magic. "It'd be good to see my onii-chan again."

"I ... we're ..." Shirou already sees Sella walk off to go back to her Mistress, while Leysritt lags behind, waiting for Shirou. It might be Shirou's imagination, but Leysritt seems curious, if not somewhat amused. _Damn. Why do they always want to fluster me ..._

Eventually, they walk past the courtyard, with its garden of flowers. He can see evidence of some construction going on, or just finishing. But Shirou doesn't have long to examine it further before they are through the front doors and into the vast hallway of the Castle. Suddenly, a small purple and white blur barrels right into him: practically knocking him over. Shirou leads on his butt, with Illya in his lap and her arms wrapped around his waist.

"Onii-chan." She murmurs into his shirt. "I've missed you." 

"Oof." Shirou gasps out. "Wow. I've missed you, Illya-chan."

She looks up at him and the sweet smile on her face makes him almost forget about every complexity going on in his life at the moment. "We have a lot to catch up on, onii-chan. I'm surprised you've had time to talk with me with all of your girlfriends."

"My ..." Shirou is literally at a loss for words.

Illya pats him on the cheek and the knowing look in her eyes reminds him that her mind is far older than her ten year old body. "I know you're here for the treatments, but I can tell it was a long walk for you, after all this time. I think we should eat something."

"I agree ... Illyasviel-sama." Sella says. "We have prepared the dining room."

"It's Illya." Illya rolls her eyes. "You do not need to stand on ceremony with me."

"Well ... the first model ..."

"Yes, you always tried to call me that. Especially in Japan." Illya rolls her eyes as she gets off of Shirou.

Leysritt bends down and offers her hand to Shirou. Shirou nods and takes it. "Thank you, Leysritt."

She inclines her head. "I can tell. You make. Our Mistress. Happy."

"Oh Leys ..." Illya looks at the other maid and Shirou notices a combination of fondness and sadness in her red eyes. 

"How improper ..." Sella shakes her head. "This way to the dining room."

Illya scowls. "I told you, Sella. It's just my onii-chan and I. We can eat in the kitchen."

Sella blinks. "But Mistress, you are the hostess of this Castle. We are hosts. We must present ... ourselves. But if you wish ..."

"Illya?" Shirou looks at her and her maids. "Are you all right?"

Illya shakes her head, as though trying to shrug off those conflicting emotions. "... all right, Sella. But the small table, right?"

"It has already been prepared." Sella says as she leads the way.

They pass through many hallways and corridors. Shirou really takes stock of the polished solid wood doors, the fine banisters, the rich and beautiful tapestries, and the stained glass windows ... much like the ones he smashed when rescuing Illya that first time. 

"It must be nice to come through the front door instead of the window." Illya quips lightly, as though reading his mind. 

"Oh. Yeah." Shirou scratches the back of his head. "Definitely. You ... you have a beautiful place here. It is just like ... what you showed me."

"Sort of ..." Illya says, and then takes Shirou's hand. 

Eventually, they come to a dinner hall. There is a small table with food already laid out. Illya stands there and looks at Shirou expectantly. 

"Emiya Shirou." Sella says, after a while. "I believe our Mistress wants you to pull out her chair. It is etiquette."

"Oh." It dawns on Shirou. "Oh ..."

"Oh come now, onii-chan." Illya says. "Don't tell me you've never played House before ..."

"I haven't ..." Shirou shakes his head. "Of course, Illya-chan." He moves behind her and slowly pulls out her chair. 

"Thank you." Illya jumps onto her seat. Sella looks annoyed, but nods and leaves the room. Leysritt follows suit, but seems to be smiling at her mistress and her brother. "You may be seated."

Shirou sits down across from his sister at the small table. He waits until the maids are out of the room. "Illya ... I don't know if I remember right, from what you showed me, but your maids are ... well ... they are acting different."

Illya sighs. "Yes. I suspected that something like that would happen."

_The first model ..._ Then the realization hits Shirou. "So ... you brought them back too." When he sees Illya nod, he can't help it. He has to ask. "What happened to them?"

"Leysritt was a test run at creating a Grail. It ... didn't work out, but my Grandfather converted her into a Mystic Code. The Dress of Heaven you saw me with." She closes her eyes. "Sella was ... she was here before that, when Zouken and Assassin and the ... others took me back here. She ... didn't want to cooperate with them and Assassin ..." 

"I'm so sorry, Illya." Shirou says. "You should have told me."

"I didn't want you to feel more bad than you already did." She tells him. "There was nothing you could've done at that point. They are still in there ... somewhere. Sometimes, Leysritt even calls me Illya, like she used to  ..." She shakes her head. 

"They are your friends." Shirou says. "I'm ... I'm glad you could help them."

"They saw me through a lot in those two years they've been around. But." Illya waves a hand. "Enough about me. How have you been feeling onii-chan?"

"I am ... better." Shirou says. Then he sees that look her eyes: the one that brooks no evasion. "I mean, finer-motor skill is harder than it used to be. Sometimes my hands and legs seize. And ... Projection is getting there."

"Your nerve-endings need more stimulated growth." Illya muses as she munches on a sweet.

"Yeah." Shirou struggles, manages to take some chopsticks and move towards some noodles. "You said that on the phone. You made some solution to stimulate my Magic Circuits. And their growth."

"Yes. In my Workshop, there is a vat. You'll have to immerse yourself and open your Circuits in it for a few days. Don't worry." She says. "It's not a tube or anything. It's open air. Think of it like a hot tub."

"All right ..." Shirou slurps down some noodles and chews on them. He is enjoying the fact that he has been able to taste food again, properly, for a while. "This is delicious."

"Sella has outdone herself. Whatever else, she still remembers how to cook." She reaches for food to put on her plate as well. "Did you get a chance to talk with Saber?"

_"Shirou." He remembers her talking to him on the phone. "Everything is fine here. Illya and I will be coming back to Fuyuki soon, as she told you."_

_"That's good, Saber." He tells her. "I'll ... be glad to see you again."_

_"Me too." She says. "Hopefully we can ... have time. Perhaps rendez-vous ..."_

_"We can go on a date." Shirou says, his heart skipping a beat. "I found something at a market that ... reminds me of you ..."_

_"I see." Somehow he can hear the glow in her voice, but the tentative tone returns. "Shirou ... did something happen to Rin? Is she all right?"_

"Yes. We did. She's ... spending time with Tohsaka. She ... needs her prana recharge." Shirou wonders when that term became something of a euphemism, or if it always had and he had just been _that_ dense. 

Illya smiles sympathetically and somehow he knows that she has picked up on some of his thoughts. "She was concerned about Rin during our time in Germany. It's just as well. There's something that I need Saber to ask Rin."

"All right." Shirou says. _Illya wants to ask Rin something?  If that's it. That is odd._ "Is it all right if I ask what?" 

Illya looks down at her food for a few seconds. "That might take some time to explain, onii-chan. I ... I'm not used to asking her for something. And I'm not sure if ... heh." She looks over at him. "You have a right to know. And maybe ... maybe you can help me too."

"Of course, Illya." Shirou sees the vulnerable look on his sister's face. "I will do anything to help you. You know that."

"Yeah." A strange emotion flickers across Illya's face. Perhaps it's ... guilt or ... regret. "Shirou, there is something I need to tell you." 


	47. Chapter 47

Saber receives her latest prana transfusion, feeling Rin tense under her mouth as the latter cries out her name. The King of Knights feels something glow in her belly, perhaps the mystical energy itself, or in sympathy to Rin's pulsating core as her tremors cycle through her internal muscles, then slowly and gradually subside. Saber doesn't stop moving her lips and tongue until Rin completely relaxes and she feels full. 

She's tired. Not fatigued, but feeling a pleasant burn as one does after some extensive exercise. Saber lays her cheek on Rin's belly as the magus strokes her hair and feels their connection, on both levels, renewed. 

"Gods, Saber." Rin moans after a while. "We'd barely had time to do this before you left a little while ago. How did you get so ... good at this?"

Saber blinks in puzzlement. "I'm ... not sure. I mean, I had ... some experience, but ..." She looks up at Rin and smiles. "These past couple of days back have caught me up. And what can I say? I missed this form of prana transfer."

Rin stares at her for a few moments and a slow, sly grin spreads across her face. "Is that ... sass? Wow, King of Knights I really do believe I've corrupted you."

For a few moments, Saber feels her face fall. Rin must feel her tensing up. She looks down at Saber in horror. "Oh no. Saber, damn, I didn't mean ..."

Then Saber shakes her head and moves herself upwards. She rests her head on Rin's breasts. "No. It's all right." She tells her, and means it. "Honestly, I'd rather be ... corrupted like this. I'm getting used to it." She kisses one of Rin's nipples. "Your prana tastes just like licorice." 

"I ..." Saber can sense Rin's chagrin. "I ... wow. I don't know whether I should be offended, or flattered. That said though." Rin's voice turns soft and teasing. "You taste like honeyed-meat."

Saber's eyes widen. Rin begins to laugh. "Oh. I got you good, you didn't I?" 

She shakes her head. "Yes. Now you are just making me hungry."

Saber sees Rin roll her eyes. "Well, you're the one that brought up the subject of food? Seriously, Saber. One track mind."

"I could say the same about you, Rin." 

"Oh ... shut up." The two of them start giggling. It's been ages since Saber felt this giddy about, well, anything. She can also tell that it's also been a while for Rin. The first couple of days back have been made up of food and ... prana transfers and aside from some phone calls with the others, they haven't had too much time to talk.

"Rin." Saber says, after a while. "I can tell something happened while I was gone with ... Illyas ... with Illya."

Rin grows quiet. When she turns her head away, Saber suddenly feels bad. "Rin ... I'm sorry." And she is. She just broke the moment they had. 

"No, Saber." She sighs, looking back at her. "I ... heh. I really should have waited for you, like we talked about before ... looking into the Fourth War."

"Oh." Saber regards Rin and sees the sadness in her eyes. _"Oh."_  

"Yeah." Rin closes her eyes, looking wearier than she had these past couple of days. "I followed up on what you told me ... about Lancelot." She can see Rin wincing at the pain she knows her friend's name causes her. "About Berserker working with Gilgamesh in the Fourth War. My Father was dead by then, and Berserker belonged to my Uncle Kariya who ... had reason to fight my Father. Something didn't add up. Or." Her eyes darken. "It did. It really did."

Saber feels a combination of disgust and fury as she realizes it. "That false priest ..."

Rin nods. Saber can see that there are embers of anger in Rin's eyes, but they are mostly overshadowed by ashes of resignation and sadness. "He played us. He played us this whole time. He killed my Father. He betrayed him, probably for some sick and sadistic reason.. I'm sure he manipulated Kariya into helping him. Sakura told me his mind had already been compromised what Zouken's ... training." She spits out the word like some form of disgusting creature. "He was good at playing people even when they were at their best. Just like ..."

Saber immediately moves up and gathers Rin into her arms. "I'm so sorry, Rin. I shouldn't have gone."

"No. No ..." Rin chokes a bit against Saber's chest. "You needed to protect Illyasviel. You had an older obligation to keep. I get that. And I'm not your only Master. I respect that more than anything." She looks up her. Her aquamarine eyes glimmer with tears and sheer determination. "Besides, I was the one that took it on myself. Like I said, I should have waited for you. But ... to be honest. When I got older, especially when I was in the War, I ... I always suspected Kotomine did something to my Father. Even my Mother. And then Sakura ..."

Saber mentally shrugs away the pang she felt when Rin mentioned the word obligation, not wanting to deal with the thought at this moment. "Did he hurt Sakura too?"

"During this entire War." Rin mutters angrily. "He was trying to save her, and turn her feelings against everyone. Just as he was using Shirou and I to make her think we were turning on her. He wanted her to become that ... that thing Zouken was making her into. But ..." She sighs slowly. "No. What happened to Sakura was my Family's doing. We took her to the cemetery at the Church ... I wanted to visit Mother and Father. It ..." Rin rolls her eyes and Saber can feel the other's self-derision. "It went as well as I should have expected. I mean, if I had been her, I would have definitely felt the same."

Saber starts stroking Rin's back. "Rin ... it wasn't your fault."

"I ... I _know_ that, right?" Rin shudders. "And hindsight is always perfect. My Family ... being a magus is hard. You have duties and responsibilities to uphold as well. You don't know whether or not you will even be alive the next day to pass on information to your heir or ... those you love. But some things ..." Rin breathes out. "I still love my Father. And my Family. I honour and respect them. And I genuinely know they didn't know what happened to Sakura. But they should never have given her to the Matou. Or anyone. I don't know what we could have done with Sakura's potential, at the very least we should have known more about our supposed 'allies' ..." She presses herself into Saber's body. "Sometimes ... I wonder what we would have been like if we had never been born with the gift of magecraft. Without these responsibilities."

"Sometimes, especially now, I ask myself those same questions." Saber murmurs. 

Saber closes her eyes as she and Rin hold one another. "I wish I had told you about Kotomine. About how dangerous he was during the last War."

Rin shifts and Saber can feel her looking at her. "No. That would have been stupid. We were enemies, back then. I might not have believed you, one way or another. And your duty was to your Master. To Shirou's safety."

"Yes." Saber nods. "I was extremely uncomfortable with him being around ... that priest." She remembers that other reality where Shirou killed Kotomine after she realized the latter had trained the former after the War. And the looks on Irisviel and Maiya's faces after encountering him in the Fourth. 

"I'm glad that baka had you." Rin mutters. "For ... for as long as he did, then."

Saber feels sadness well up inside her. "I would have stayed with him to the end. As far as I knew ... I did, before ..." She feels Rin hold her more tightly. Rin didn't tell her it wasn't her fault. They were past that now. She was past that point. 

"Saber ..." Rin says, after a while. "What happened in Germany?"

Saber freezes. "Rin. You know that as a Knight, I cannot divulge the inner workings of another."

Rin blows out an exasperated raspberry. "I'm not asking you to tell me about Illya's Mysteries. I have better manners than that. Besides, I know enough about them to come to my own conclusions. It's just ... you've been very uncharacteristically quite about it. I can tell ... something's bothering you."

Saber sighs. "You can read my mind now, Master?"

"Not really. Emotions mostly, but your face says it all." Rin scrutinizes her. "It was that bad huh?"

"I ... keep forgetting who Illya's forebears are." Saber admits. "I ... well, she is the ninth Head of the Einzbern now."

"Ah." Rin says. "So she ... disposed of the last one."

Saber pauses. "I have ordered executions before." She says after a time. "When necessary. But what ..." She shakes her head. "I don't condone what I saw, but at the same time, there was a certain level of justice to it." If anything, the matter -- as grisly as it had been -- felt private. And whatever else, Saber felt like an intruder in that setting: where a surrogate granddaughter condemned her guardian to death for his very personal crimes.

"I see." Rin replies, after a time. "I'm glad Shirou didn't come with you."

"Me too." Saber says. "I suspect Illya was too. She just wants to spend as much time with her brother as she can."

"I can see that. That baka needs all the help he can get." Rin lies against Saber and another minute seems to pass. "You will be seeing him soon, won't you."

"Yes." Saber says and something warm and vulnerable forms at the pit of her stomach. "I'm not sure when but ... he asked."

"Well, his treatments start soon. I will have to check on the baka myself and see if he's adjusting well. Illyasviel has to remember that he's a human being and not a homunculus. Can't blame her. She's been mostly surrounded by them her entire life and I ..."

This time, Saber is the one scrutinizing Rin. She notices the magus is studiously keeping her head in her cleavage. "Rin?"

"... yeah, Saber."

Slowly, it dawns on Saber. "I see."

Rin looks up at her. "It was that obvious, huh?"

Saber tries to find the words. "There had been a lot of tension between the two of you. Ever since I saw you together." 

"It's dumb." Rin admits. "It's so stupid. But everything about this War has been _stupid_. And ... I'm not even sure there's a potion for not having emotions. Stupid human emotions." She grouses. "Damn, here I am venting about it and I haven't even asked how you feel about it." 

Saber considers it. She thinks about the implications. "Well, given that Shirou walked in on ... our ritual and I have expressed interest in him ... and he in me. I can't really be angry or judgmental or anything of that sort. Does Shirou ..."

"Yeah." Rin groans. "That baka knows. And he told me he ... loves me too."

"That's good." Saber says. "I'd expect no less from a man like Shirou." 

Rin blinks. Once or twice. Then she chuckles. She keeps chuckling. "Damn ... what is it that we're all making here, Saber?" 

"I have no idea, Rin." Saber admits, again. "I think we are all trying to ... understand this. All I know is ... I've missed him. And I've missed you."

"I miss him too." Rin says in a small voice that makes Saber want to cleave to her even tighter. "It's so stupid. We were rivals and enemies. He loves my sister. And you. And Rider. I don't know what he could see in someone like me."

"He sees an honourable, strong and intelligent woman. A worthy magus." Saber tells her firmly. "He sees someone who saved his life despite her own code. He sees a decent human being. Someone I am honoured to have as one of my Masters. Someone whom I love. Dearly." 

"You ... you really have a way with words." Rin smiles.

Saber smiles back. "I've been known to make a few speeches in my time. I needed to, at times. After all, I was King of Britain."

Rin reaches forward and they exchange a kiss. 

Then Rin slowly breaks it. "There is more, isn't there?"

Saber opens her mouth. "I ... I cannot betray confidences."

Rin gives Saber a piercing stare. "Saber ... Illyasviel is treating Shirou. I know there's something you want to tell me. And it's bothering you. Please."

Saber breathes out slowly. "You ... you know that Illya is a homunculus. And you know what some of that entails."

"I figured her growth is stalled as a result of her creation." Saber's eyes widen. Rin rolls her eyes. "Look, I don't know the Mysteries of their craft, but the Tohsaka have known enough about homunculi to understand that when you make powerful beings from the Earth without, generally, a womb there are going to be flaws to offset Gaia erasing them from itself."

Saber nods. She wonders if, perhaps, Mordred's own temperament had been partially a result of this give or take. "She is ... trying to reverse it. But ..."

"Saber, what is going on?"

Saber grits her teeth. "She never came out and said it. Not to me. I wasn't going to say anything. I was just going to wait for her to tell you or Shirou, but ..."

"Saber."

Pain beats in Saber's heart. Rin's hand is on her cheek. She still feels the agony. For Illya. For Shirou. "Rin ... she never came out and said it, but ... I don't think Illya is well. She's dying. And there might be a way to stop it from happening. But it sounds like a long shot." She lowers her eyes, her face overcast. "And it won't be easy." 

 


	48. Chapter 48

It is a quarter to midnight when Rin's phone rings.

Not the strange phonograph that may have belonged to her father, whose call Rin is still trying to process in her mind, but her old rotary phone. Rin gets out of her bed, leaving Saber to sleep on her side. She barely slept anyway, but she'd comfortable under Saber's arm and her mattress and she had half a mind to scream bloody murder at the person on the other end of the line for calling at such a late hour. 

Finally, after keeping herself from getting tangled in her own dressing gown, she gets to the dresser in the hallway and picks up the receiver.

"Rin ..."

It takes her a few moments to register the voice. Her eyes widen. Suddenly, she remembers everything she and Saber talked about a few hours before, and now it all makes sense. "Shirou? Is that you?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry to call so late ..."

"Well, yeah baka." Rin says, though her tone is a lot more gentle than the brusque tilt that it usually takes. "It's almost twelve in the morning. What's going on?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry again ..."

Rin pauses. It's odd. It's as though Shirou's voice is drifting away from his phone, or he doesn't sound altogether there. "Shirou ..." She says, her mind very alert now. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing is ..." His voice trails off. "Like I said, I'm sorry ..."

"Stop apologizing, and tell me what's going on." 

There is a bit of a chuckle on the other line. It makes Rin feel better. This is how she is used to dealing with him, feelings or no aside. She needs to get right to the heart of the matter. "Right. Well, my treatments took longer than I thought. I was ... sleeping for a while."

"That's because you needed to." Rin sighs. "Illyasviel had you opening your Circuits for a while. You're not as accustomed to that. Combined with the solution, it's going to take a lot out of you in general. You probably should still be resting." A thought occurs to you. "Where are you right now, Shirou?"

"Still with Illya." He says. "I'm in one of the guest rooms. It has a balcony. This Castle is big. Even when I'm not climbing it. I'm on my cellphone right now." 

"I see." Rin thinks about what Saber told her. "So you're alone?"

"Yeah. Illya is asleep. She put me to bed first. Her maids, Sella and Leysritt ... they brought me up here and told me."

Rin has great doubts that the Einzbern magus is actually sleeping. Shirou keeps forgetting that his sister is probably older than he is, and a magus to boot. She is either continuing her work in her Workshop ... or spying on him ... or both. She already knows that there is a chance Illya's Bounded Field around her Castle can detect communications. Most magi wouldn't account for cellphone signals, or would at least block and jam them. Illya has no reason to do that now. Besides, having an idea of just how skillful a magus she is, Rin wouldn't put it past the Einzbern to be able to listen in on conversations and adapt to technology accordingly. Given who her father was, it would make sense. For a moment, she thinks about telling Shirou this ... But it isn't the War anymore. Illya will not hurt Shirou. She wants to help him. But Rin doesn't like where the rest of this is going. For now, however, she is going to listen to Shirou, get some information, and maybe she can ... she can help him right now.

"Do you feel any better?" She asks him.

"I don't know." Shirou replies. "It burned a bit. Illya was watching and adding stuff to the solution from time to time. We talked mostly. She wants me to take her to the food festival coming up. But yeah. I got tired. I'm sorry ... I keep repeating myself ..."

"Shirou." This time Rin feels the concern melting into her voice. She has a feeling she knows what's going on, but she needs to hear it from him first. "You suck at small talk. Just tell me what's up, okay?"

There is silence on the other end of the phone for a few moments. "... I really need to talk to someone about this. I don't know how she will feel if I do ..." There is a sigh. "I'd talk to Sakura, but I promised to give her and Rider some time. They need it."

"I don't think Sakura would mind. Or Rider." Rin says. She can't imagine how their arrangement works, or will work, but she suspects this is a question she will be asking herself multiple times soon enough if all ... goes well? But she knows that, while this may be true, there is more. "Look, Shirou. I know you want to ask me something. Personally. I know something's bothering you. I mean. You never call me by my first name. Not even after the cemetery."

"... yeah." There is a hint of embarrassment on the other end of the line. "It's not something Sakura or Rider can help with anyway."

 _Only I can. Damn you, Illya. I see what you are playing at here. You miserable brat._ Rin doesn't say anything, but waits for Shirou to continue talking. 

"Illya ..." Shirou sighs. "Her Grandfather gave her some treatments when she was younger. And before she was even born." There is a cold anger there under that tone, reminiscent of his discovery of what happened to Sakura ... an echo of Archer's voice. "She's ... she's basically my older sister. She's as old as you, Tohsaka. But she hasn't aged. She told me, after she took her place as her Clan's Ninth Head, that she's been researching a way to help herself grow. And she might have something."

Ordinarily, Rin might have interrupted Shirou and told him not to talk about another magus' secrets, even if it was his own sister's. But she doesn't. "Go on."

"You know my Dad adopted me, right? I'm not his biological son. He had a Crest. You know, like I don't have because, well, I'm a failure as a magus." Shirou laughs. 

"No." Rin corrects him. "You are a Specialist, Shirou. In many ways, you are limited. It's true. But if you focus enough, especially with these treatments, you could rival many magi. You could be a holy terror to them. To many of us, honestly." It occurs to Rin that if Shirou had ever reached even half or a quarter of Archer's potential, and they ever dueled with some of the other's unconventional power and tactics, and less morality, there was a good chance he could seriously kill her. "You're just not conventional. And that's amazing."

"Yeah. But I can't use his Magic Crest. It was buried with him anyway and long gone." He tells her. "But that was just the dregs. There is more of it. Illya thinks that transplanting it could help her regulate her body. The problem is that it's ... being ..."

"It's Sealing Designated, right?" Rin cuts him off, her displeasure with Illya and this whole situation getting too much for her patience.

"Yeah." Shirou sighs. "They took it from her grandfather. Dad's father."

 _And there it is_. Rin understands what is happening. Poor Saber and Shirou do not. It's not that either of them are betraying the Einzbern's confidence. Not at all. Maybe they _believed_ that they were, but Illya knew them. She knew they would tell her. They would tell her because they cared. Rin grits her teeth. She is going to have some words with that brat the next time they meet, and soon. 

"Shirou." She says, instead. "A Sealing Designation is something that the Clock Tower and its associates, undertakes to preserve potential knowledge in its current state. It is either dangerous knowledge, or important. Either way, very few will be able to access it. Even the Twelve Lords need to get the permission of the Vice-Director and, perhaps, even the Director himself to access anything down there. Sealing Designations are heavily guarded and warded from potential theft and ... escape in a lot of cases. I mean, Sealing Designations are supposed to be seen as honours for living magi, but they are prison sentences really. And any lore taken and designated, is almost as inaccessible."

"Is there any way to release or reverse a Designation?" 

"Well ..." Rin says. "It's been said that the Kalion Observatory meets in the first classroom of the Tower and makes decisions to who or what gets Designated or revoked. But I don't know who or what influences that judgment panel. And I definitely don't have the clout to even find out anything beyond that."

"Well ... in time ..." Shirou says. "If I improve myself, perhaps I can ..."

"No." Rin says, firmly. "No, Shirou. I am still working on getting enough presence to reintroduce you there legitimately. I suspect some parties already know you didn't die during the War ... But you aren't as important to them." As far as they know, Rin thinks to herself. "If you go there, especially seeking the Emiya Crest and it's Designated, the Enforcers will take you. And I won't be able to ..." She bites down on her lip. Hard. "And you are just healing. You damn baka. I will not have you endanger yourself. One way or another." 

It is a message with a double meaning. Shirou can't just walk into the Clock Tower and demand an inheritance that was seized. And he is nowhere near powerful enough right now to challenge them. And she did not want that confrontation to happen even in a best case scenario. 

"Look." She continues. "I know what you're thinking. Zelretch is powerful, but he is erratic at best. There are people in the upper echelons that want him to take apprentices, but I know that the Vice-Director has a major hate on for vampires in general and him wanting to look at Sealing Designated material would be too much. And Lord El-Melloi is one of the Twelve, but the weakest one. He is getting better in the political arena, but this would endanger that. And besides ... what Illyasviel may have neglected to mention is that even though she may be biologically suited to the Crest, it's often more effective when it is slowly transplanted over time since childhood. She may still reject it, or it could do something to her: have an adverse reaction. There are a lot of risks, both political and physical to consider here."

"I understand." Shirou says, after a while. "I just ... I just want to help her. After everything she's done for me. I just want Illya to live a good life. I just want her to be happy."

Rin clenches one of her fists hard enough to crush one of her gems. _Damn that brat ... Doesn't she know how difficult this would be in an ideal situation?_   And she can read Shirou's tone. He is not even bothering to hide it. She can hear the disappointment, but what hurts more than that is the determination in his voice. She knows, and hopes, that Illya will make sure Shirou doesn't do anything rash, but deep down Rin acknowledges it. She's afraid. She's afraid that this could cost Shirou. That she could lose him. And it makes her even angrier at Illya, that she would play on his ingrained need to help others even beyond himself.

But it's even more than that. She hears something else in his voice. It occurs to her that the reason he's asking her is because he trusts her. He knows she can deal with the pragmatic elements. Her element. She knows that he is asking her for help. To help his sister, and he doesn't even know ... he doesn't _know_ that Illya might not just be seeking this out to help her growth ... but to keep herself _alive_. And she wonders how long Illya will be able to keep that fact from him if Saber figured it out and based on her own knowledge of the Grail ... She's effectively put Rin into a vice grip and an uncomfortable situation with the man that she loves more insanely than anyone ever should. 

"Shirou ..." She says. "I'll see what I can do to help Illyasviel. I'm not going to make any promises, but ... I'll do my best."

"... thank you." Relief and exhaustion make Shirou's voice sound faint on the other line.

"Shirou." She barks out in concern. "Go the fuck back to bed. I can hear how tired you are. This is not your concern right now. Illyasviel ..." She grits out. "She would tell you that too." 

"Yeah ..." Shirou murmurs. "I get it. Thank you, Rin. I ... I appreciate ... thank you for listening. I just needed ..."

"I know." Rin feels something well up inside of her. "It's the least I could do after that night at your place. And Kotomine."

"... thank you ... I love you ..."

"I love you too, Shirou." She hears a beep on the other end and realizes that he's finally hung up. She sighs, her shoulders heavy. 

"It can't ever just be easy." She mutters. 

"Rin?"

Rin feels Saber's arm behind her waist. The Tohsaka Head closes her eyes as Saber holds her. "That was Shirou."

She feels Saber tense behind her. "Is he all right?"

"Yeah." Rin says. "Yeah. He's fine. But we're going to need to do something about Illyasviel." 


	49. Chapter 49

"So, when did you know?"

"N-Neesan ..."

"What?" Rin drawls as they sit outside the Emiya residence, staring at the stars. "I'm not allowed to put _you_ off balance now?" 

Sakura just shakes her head. Rider had left for the night, going wherever it is she goes at this time. She hadn't done this in a while, except when Shirou was unconscious and even before during her time as her Master during the War. Maybe she had done the same thing under Shinji but ... Despite Rider not being specific about where she is going, or whom she's meeting, Sakura is no fool. They had a talk after what happened with Shirou during the War and Rider had been hungry. Rider still won't feed from her, aside from taking her usual prana. Up until recently, it had all been Shirou. 

_"The boy is having his treatments now." Rider told her as they lay in bed together. "It would not be ideal to feed from him at this time. Besides, I'm sure his sister would have a fit if I tried, in her territory."_

_"I understand." Sakura sighed. "It's just ... I'd be more comfortable if you ... could feed closer to home, you know?" Even now, after the intimacy they shared together, she felt uncomfortable about discussing this. But this is about honesty and asserting the truth about her comfort level. "With someone that ... we trust?"_

_Rider inclined her head. Sakura shook her head. "There is ... I see the way the two of you dance around each other ..."_

_"It's more like she squirms."_

_Sakura rolled her eyes at the smirk on Rider's lips. "Rider, I love you, but sometimes, you are terrible."_

_"Only sometimes?" And that had been their last words earlier in the day, spending time in Rider's room for a few hours, before Rin had come over and Rider had needed to leave._

Sakura supposes she deserves this. Even on Rider's way out, she had slunk past Rin and with a few traded words with less subtlety than Shirou stating that "People die when they are killed," she could see how flustered Rin got. And she had been smiling at every moment of it, even before this point. 

"I ..." Sakura toys with the ribbon in her hair.

"Oh ..." Suddenly Rin's smile disappears. "Damn. I ... I didn't mean."

"No, Neesan." Sakura says, making direct eye contact with her sister. "It's ok."

"No. I mean. You didn't exactly have a normal ..." _Childhood? Upbringing?_   _Torture?_ Whatever Rin is about to say dies on her lips as chagrin makes her turn away. But Sakura knows what she means. It is girl stuff. She and her sister are sitting on her Senpai's porch talking about girl stuff, and she wouldn't have it any other way.

Sakura gently nudges her bare feet on Rin's, smiling at her reassuringly, almost playfully. "Well ... it's hard to say." She gazes thoughtfully out at the sky for a few moments. "I had these urges because of the ... training ..."

"Damn, Sakura ..."

"No. What's done is done, Neesan. It's just how it is." Sakura says. "Maybe it was that. Maybe what ... Zouken did to me and made ... Niisan ... made Shinji do ..." She shakes her head. She feels less inclined to call them her family anymore. Sakura isn't sure what that says about her or how she is dealing with what they did to her, but as she said to Rin, this is just how it is. "That can be one way kinks happen. But I think that, even if ... none of it happened, I still would've found her beautiful." Sakura remembers the deceptive gentleness of Rider, that first time in her arms, and the softness of her hair as it whispered across her skin and relieved her suffering. "The urges were there and ... well ... I couldn't always deal with them. But whenever they were back from patrol, Rider would be with me. Whenever she could. We had a lot in common." _Both powerful women mistreated and abused by men. Both almost turned into monsters_. _Both of us having lost our sisters._ "But I think I always found her attractive. And she helped me get through many nights. And it wasn't really hard to fall in love with her. Especially after everything she did for me." 

"But you still love Shirou ..." Rin ponders.

"Yes." Sakura nods. "I mean ... I still like boys. It was more than just the energy the worms ... needed. I liked the act, even when Shinji was ..." Rin puts a hand on hers. "But Senpai was always there for me. He just kept trying. Trying to complete that high jump in the field. Even when everything was against him. Just seeing him try ... it made me want to keep trying too."

"Yeah." Rin says, looking far away. "I can understand that."

Sakura bites her lower lip a bit. "So ... when did you know, Neesan?"

Rin rolls her eyes and sighs, almost dramatically. "I don't have the ... well, the excuse?" She shakes her head. "I didn't have the life you did, obviously. As far as I know, my sexual energy is normal, whatever that's supposed to mean." She makes a self-disgusted face. "I don't know when I realized I liked girls and boys. I mean, I knew the Clan would need an heir one day, so there's that. But I was too busy with my studies and being the Second Owner to really think about it. But I'll admit ... I did feel ... funny things? When I saw Shirou's Saber and, well ..."

"... my Rider?" Sakura feels a teasing grin form on her face.

"I ... oh stop it!" Rin splutters as Sakura giggles. "I mean, you saw her dress, right? Who wouldn't _stare_ ..." 

"Oh, I have seen that dress. And what's underneath ..." 

"Oh god ..." Rin's face blushes furiously. "You are really bad, Sakura ..."

"Well." Sakura giggles. "I am learning from the best."

"Goddammit ..." Rin mutters, but the vehemence is half-hearted at best. "No ... I really had a thing for Archer too. I would never have admitted it to him though, given ... well, what I thought was the size of his ego. That bastard. He remembered _exactly_ who he was. I know I taught him! Or some version of me did. He was enjoying every moment of trolling me. I know he was."

"And." Sakura touches Rin's nose with the tip of her finger. "You enjoyed every moment of it."

"I did not. That frustrating, annoying, sarcastic son of a bitch." Rin grouses, her blush somehow getting more prominent. "I ... I miss the fuck of him."

"I know." Sakura says. "Is that why you like Senpai?"

"No." Rin's eyes meet Sakura's and are suddenly as hard as her gems. "No. I can see parts of him in Shirou, but Shirou is not him. Not yet. And I don't think he will ever be." She exhales. "And that's okay. He was ... he was actually the first boy I ever noticed."

"It was the high jump, wasn't it?" 

Rin opens her mouth at Sakura's knowing smile, and then closes it. "Yeah. Yeah it was." She sighs. "I should have known that was the moment I was fucked."

"He does that." Sakura admits.

"Seriously though." Rin grumbles. "I wonder how many formative experiences our baka caused our classmates from that high jump alone."

"You know." Sakura considers for a few moments. "That sounds a lot dirtier than it actually is."

The two of them laugh. Rin waves her off. "But back to the question. I didn't really know I'd act on any of it. That was until I went to the Clock Tower. And then Zelretch sent me here, there, and everywhere. Like I told Saber, most of them weren't serious. Some were magi that wanted to share tantric rites and others, well ... when you are in the Kaleidoscope, you take whatever comfort you can get sometimes. It's amazing, really." Rin says. "It's amazing just how normal bisexuality is -- and it's not abnormal at all biologically or in ancient history -- when you are travelling through parallel worlds, sometimes even dealing with your alternate selves."

A thought occurs to Sakura. "Did you ... ever ..."

Rin pauses, and then gives Sakura an extremely dirty look. "Never with Shirou. Not with one aspect of him ever. Or anyone I know, or we know ... that's just ... gah."

Sakura nods. "But you say you have met your parallel selves. Wouldn't that be like ..."

"Saber travels mostly with me now." Rin changes the subject, before it can get weirder than it already is. "It was really with all of our time together ... we grew close. Very close. She was always protecting me. And I helped her. Zelretch put her just as much through the ringer as he did to me. What happened back at home ... I guess that was just the inevitable part." 

"It's almost like Rider and I." Sakura muses.

"Yeah. But I thought she was beautiful and inspiring even before the missions and during the War. I was ... I was pretty sad when I heard Shirou lost her." The two left it unsaid that the Shadow was involved. They had already had this conversation multiple times. Maybe, one day, Sakura would finally believe that it wasn't her fault. "I'm glad she's back. I'm glad that she is in my life ... whatever any of this is." 

Sakura nods. "I'm glad you and Senpai are in my life too. It is more than I ever dreamed."

The two sisters nestle closer. Sakura doesn't know how she knows. She can tell that Rin has something to tell her. It's just as well, as she also has something to ask her sister.

"Neesan ..." Sakura says. "You know that Senpai is going to be with Illya for a few days."

"Yeah ..."

"Well ... Rider and I ... you know about us and Senpai. You probably also know that when Rider goes out, or when she did more ..."

"Yeah." Rin says. "I know why she leaves." She looks at Sakura. "Does it bother you?"

"Not completely."

"But you would be more comfortable if she fed off of you or Shirou." Rin doesn't even need to hear the implicit conjunction.

Sakura brushes her hands down her legs and knees. 

"You know she is a materialized spirit and she can't get pregnant, or any diseases, right?" Rin tells her. "And she can't pass anything on."

"I know that much, Neesan." This time Sakura rolls her eyes. "It's just ... I know she stopped when Shirou was here. And we had a family. I know I ... she doesn't want to feed from me. She tells me I give her enough as is. I guess, part of it might be magical, but also she has different needs. Anyway, I was ... we were wondering ... if you might be able to ... to help her with that."

Sakura feels like cringing. She knows exactly what she has asked Rin to do. As much as she is used to Shirou and Rider, and the idea of Shirou being with Saber, and even Rin being with Shirou, she recognizes how strange this must sound.

"So ..." Rin says, in a small, hoarse voice. "You said you discussed this with Rider?"

"Yes, Neesan." 

There is a pause.

"So you are all right with me dating your boyfriend. And ... helping your Servant."

"Honestly, Neesan." Sakura says. "I'm in their life. But I don't control them. And I just want them to be happy. And you too."

"... damn." Rin says after another while. "Um ... I'm going to have to talk with Saber about that."

"I understand." Sakura's hands clench on her thighs. "I just wanted to make that clear." Why was it harder for her to ask Rin this after essentially having no issue with her and Shirou having time together if they wanted it? Perhaps it was because it wasn't really about her this time, not completely. It was about her sister and her Rider. "You'll probably want to talk with Rider too."

"Of course." Rin chokes out. Then she coughs. "Well, did this just get weird?"

Sakura laughs. "I think we're well past that, Neesan." She marvels at how this all happened, at what is happening right now. "By the way, where is Saber right now?"

"At my place." Rin says. "The last time I checked, she was talking on the phone with Shirou. Planning for their date in a few days."

"Good." Sakura replies. "It's about time."

"Yeah." Rin snorts. "About _damn_ time." She sighs. "All right, I need to tell you something Sakura."

"I know you do." Sakura says. 

Rin looks at her. "Am I really that easy to read now?"

"No. Call it ..." She thinks about it. "Delayed sister intuition."

Rin chuckles briefly. "Fair enough." Then she regards Sakura with an expression similar to the serious one she had from earlier. "We did good work on collaborating together with the Tohsaka and Matou magics to make that Gem of the False Attendant. My imbuement abilities and jewel preservation, and your own capacities to absorb and bind powers together, we can make something truly useful. Something _great_. But ... we need one more element. And Illyasviel has it."

Sakura blinks. She did not expect this. "She does?"

"Yes. It's something I think she is using to treat Shirou. And all girl talk aside." Sakura sees Rin exhale again, looking visibly anxious. "There's also something you need to know."


	50. Chapter 50

The meeting is set.

Illya skips to the park. It is strange, not being here with her onii-chan as they used to meet in this exact same place during the War. It was here that she shared her vision with him about parts of her life, and gradually told him all about the rest of it. It was here, too, that he made that fateful decision that changed his life: and that of those around him. She reflects, briefly, on the irony of it: that it was on the porch of his residence that he made his decision to take up their father's burden, and it was here -- in this park -- with her that changed what that burden actually was. 

There was a purity to Shirou's original vision, it's true. But even now, even before having Archer's soul in her for so brief a time, she knew it would only lead him to suffering. Illya feels no regret about being there for her brother, even in the ways that he didn't anticipate: that neither of them fully did. 

"Slow. Down. Illya." 

She almost wants to sigh. Her maids, whatever incarnation they are in, are still elite Einzbern homunculi: loyal to their Clan and to her safety. It had been a brief argument, but they insisted she take Leysritt with her on any errand outside of the Castle unless her onii-chan were the one to meet her, which given that he was recovering in a vat of her solution, was not possible. The Tohsaka Family may have had an agreement with the House of Einzbern once, but that didn't take away from the fact that they were both magi and rival ones at that. lllya did make a point of stating that she had stayed at Tohsaka Manor by herself before her maids were even ... resurrected, but Sella had a clever rejoinder for that too: stating that even if the Makiri were no longer really in existence, and the Tohsaka and her Clan had a truce, there was still the matter of the lurking Association magi and possible other parties taking advantage of the relative instability of magi politics in this region after the failure of Heaven's Feel to consider. While Sella admitted that Illya could more than take care of herself in most cases, that was still no reason to go everywhere unescorted: especially as she is now the Head of their Clan. 

Illya could have overridden them, it's true. But she just didn't have the heart. She didn't back then, when they showed initiative, and she certainly doesn't now. Illya tells herself that she admitted to Sella's wisdom, that it had nothing to do with Shirou insisting that she be safe, or that she really liked it when Leysritt called her by her favourite abbreviation and offered her candy. Illya ignores licking said lollipop and comes towards the park, with Leysritt in tow. The wards and Bounded Fields around the Castle, controlled by Sella, will protect Shirou: and Sella herself will continue supervising his progress. Besides, she won't be gone long. 

She reluctantly slows down a bit for Leysritt to catch up. She thinks about everything she's put into motion. Saber has already talked to Rin. That much is certain. And she knows for a fact that Shirou talked to her as well. Phoning Rin gave her an added sense of pleasure in all of this: knowing that the other magus detested technology. If there was one thing she remembered about playing with Kiritsugu back in the day, it was learning how to play with that toy phone he got her ... before her Grandfather took that away from her too. Aside from hoping her Grandfather had fun playing with his own wolves and evil spirits in the wood the last she saw him, she knows she has Rin right where she wants her. 

Illya is providing treatment for Shirou. Her onii-chan is important to the both of them. Hearing her "plea" from her brother would have a much greater effect on her that if Illya herself had demanded her aid. In this way, Illya could remain reasonable and also retain face. In addition Saber, whom she knows is _close_ to Rin now, also added that nice emotional effect. Rin essentially can't say no to her, or demand anything beyond what Illya deemed was reasonable. Rin may be a disciple of Zelretch and have Clock Tower connections now, but she has to be reminded of her place. Besides, Illya still has her treasure trove of information gained from her onii-chan's original remains, and the polished Noble Phantasms she was able to hone back in Germany to bargain with: as a gesture of good faith and generosity. 

The Einzbern Head's tongue stops in mid-lick as she sees Rin sitting on the park bench ... along with Matou Sakura. She also sees Saber and Rider standing on either side of them. She can feel herself pass through the Bounded Field.

Leysritt looks a little on guard, though no one really outside of Illya herself could tell that. Illya waves her off, and she can see the slight relaxation of the other's body language. The swing set, fortunately, is unoccupied. Illya continues licking her lollipop and skips over to the swing, sitting down on it, and kicking her legs out. 

"Rin." She acknowledges. "Sakura. Saber-san. Rider-san."

"Illyasviel." Rin replies. Sakura nods her head as does Saber. Rider does nothing. 

Illya isn't quite sure what this is. Perhaps Rin truly is petty and seeks to intimidate her with some show of force with what is left of her allied Clan in the form of her sister, and their familiars. They are staring at her: hard. For some reason, Illya feels like she did when she did or didn't do something that disappointed Sella. 

"Hmph." Illya turns her nose up, kicking her feet under her as she begins to swing. "I don't remember inviting the rest of you."

"This matter concerns them too." Rin says, keep her gaze level at Illya. "It concerns all of us."

"I don't see why." Leysritt has settled herself to the side of the swing, watching the rest of them as Illya talks. "This is between you Rin, and myself. A negotiation." 

"Right." Rin leans forward. "Except this isn't just about you or I, Illyasviel. Not when you brought Saber and Shirou into it."

Saber sighs. "Illya, you should have just told us that you needed help. You didn't have to do ... this."

Sakura shakes her head in ... disappointment? "Illya, this isn't how adults talk to each other. This is how children try to get what they want, and we know you're not a child."

Illya's face turns hard. "I never said I was." She lowers the lollipop that, in retrospect, she regrets Leysritt buying for her. "This is a deal between magi. It's a light form of politicking and if you're not used to that, Rin, you will never make it farther into the Clock Tower or our world."

"And that's all the more reason it's worse." Rider speaks up, suddenly. "Because you used your brother and his Servant's feelings for you as tools: to affect Rin's emotions. At best that's emotional manipulation."

"And at worst." Rin adds. "It's coercion. And that's a game that magi _children_ play." She breathes out, visibly trying to calm herself down. "What you did these past few days is played with people's emotions to get what you want. I don't know how it is with homunculi, servants or otherwise, but when you deal with actual human beings who ..."

"... who care about you." Sakura says. She looks towards Leysritt. "No offense." To Illya's consternation, Leysritt actually nods back to Sakura before she turns back to her. "You should tell us what is wrong. Like Saber said, you didn't have to do this to Neesan or Senpai, or anyone."

This isn't how this was supposed to go. Illya was supposed to meet Rin, on her own, in a position of strength. This ... undermining of her is annoying. They are not making her feel ashamed of her actions. That is what Illya keeps telling herself. She swings a little more slowly. "So you're scolding me, Rin, for doing to you what you are doing to me right now with this ... what, intervention?" She laughs. "I was going to share some of my research with you. I was going to offer it, to show my ..."

"Your generosity, right?" Rin doesn't even try to hide rolling her eyes. "I mean, come on Illyasviel. You were going to share that with me anyway to help Shirou. Maybe there are some bonuses, things I don't know: it's true. But that was part of our agreement. Sending you with that matter."

"Yes." Illya replies, her tone growing very cold. "And I should just leave you with those medical notes and nothing more than that. _This_ was not part of our deal." She stops swinging and puts her feet to the ground. "I have half a mind to turn around and go back home."

"But you won't."

Illya pauses. Rin hasn't gotten up or even moved. Her aquamarine eyes are fixed: almost like ice. She sighs. "How long do you have?"

There is a vast silence in the playground. Sakura is actually glaring at Rin now. "Neesan, this isn't ..." 

Saber closes her eyes. "Rin, that is uncalled for --"

"At most ... a year." 

Illya looks down at the ground. She must have dropped her lollipop at some point in the argument. Her shoulders are slumped. All the fight and confidence in her melts away like yesterday's snow in a spring thaw. She feels a hand on her shoulder. She looks up, through bleary eyes, and sees Leysritt right beside her. The maid regards the other women with an impassive expression that Illya knows, from experience, is anger. 

"That. Is. Enough."

"No, Leysritt. It's ... it's all right." Illya puts her hand on the maid's and gently takes it off of her shoulder. She looks at the others, who have become very quiet. "You probably guessed as much anyway, right Rin?" She laughs, stifling back her sniffle. "I was supposed to be the Lesser Grail of this War. But I wasn't born human. Not like Sakura. And you only survived because of Kotomine, and onii-chan. I was made to be the real Grail. I wasn't made to last beyond that." She looks down at her hands. "I never grew up. Not really." She remembers the pain in her father's eyes whenever he held her intermixed with the love, and now more than ever she understands why. "And if I don't do this, if you don't ... help me ... I'm not going to. Ever."

Anger fills Illya and she turns her face away from them. She doesn't want them to see her crying. She wanted to come into this, and away from it with some kind of dignity as befit her Clan ... and herself. But now they probably would think this is more emotional blackmail. Perhaps even some crocodile tears to go along with it. If she didn't get their help, she was going to die. She was going to leave her onii-chan after everything they went through together. She would be one more in a long line of dead dolls. She just wanted to live. She just wanted to ...

Soft arms envelop her. Illya just can't take it. The humiliation, the firm soft strength in those arms. She's crying. She's crying long and hard: for the childhood that was taken away from her, for her dead parents, for Berserker, for nearly losing her brother ... and everything. She can feel Leysritt's hand on her shoulder. She looks up, through her tears, and realizes she has been hugging Sakura: who is kneeling down in front of her, and embracing her. 

"It's ok, Illya." Sakura whispers, rubbing her back. "You are a part of our family. We will help you. Neesan will help us." 

"I'm ..." Illya moves her face away from her, from the rest of them into Sakura's pink sweater. "I didn't want you ... to see ... I'm not just some dumb child."

The coldness in Rin's eyes has vanished. Illya sees Saber and realizes she is holding her hand. Rider also stands nearby. Rin gets up from the bench and approaches, slowly. 

"No, Illya." Rin says. "You're not. None of us are." She sighs. "Heaven's Feel has been one great clusterfuck from the very beginning. Our Families wanted to find Akasha, or the Third Magic. And they fucked up." She shrugs her shoulders. "There's no other way to say it. It's been two hundred years of fucking up. It wasn't supposed to be a War. And then it wasn't supposed to be a War without any rules or supervision. There wasn't supposed to be an Avenger, or a taint in the system. And the fuck ups and the lies just ..." She shakes her head. "They just piled up. And it cost us. It cost us everything." 

Rin looks at Sakura. "It almost took my sister's humanity away." She looks at Saber. "It played with Saber's dream. It destroyed Shirou's childhood. It killed my parents. And it took your childhood too. And it's a shame, when you really think about it. The Three Families had great power. We still do. The Tohsaka can contain and imbue energy into jewels. The Matou, or the Makiri, can absorb power and even bind it into an object to change its nature. And your Clan, it can perform feats of Alchemy that rival Atlas. You can, alone, make life and heal people and work with the soul." 

She walks towards Illya and stops right in front of her. "Long ago, our Three Families came together to create a miracle. Tohsaka Nagato and his daughter attuned themselves to the land and offered it. Zolgen Makiri created the system to bind our Servants to us. And Justeaze Lizrich von Einzbern sacrificed her body and soul to create the Greater Grail that would manifest dreams into reality. And my Master, my ancestor's Master, Kischur Zelretch Schweinorg supervised all of this. I think the old vampire would be _thrilled_ to see us all together."

Illya blinks. "I ... Justeaze remembers ... Zolgen and the others ... we wanted, they wanted to make a utopia on earth. That was why we wanted the Third Magic back. That's why the Tohsaka wanted to attain Akasha. And why the Makiri helped after being banished from their lands in Russia. We were going to make a better world." She chuckles tearfully. "It's almost like what papa wanted to do. What onii-chan wanted as well."

"Utopia is a worthy goal." Saber says. "I always wanted to take the power of that realm, of my Phantasm, and spread it across the world. That was why I made Camelot to begin with."

"But good intentions, like beauty, can go astray, or become corrupt over time." Rider adds quietly. "And humans have always been flawed beings."

"And we've made mistakes." Sakura whispers. "Even with the best of intentions." 

"We've all fucked up." Rin says. "But none of this has to be a waste. We're all together here. The situation is this: I have the land, but there is only one of me right now. Sakura may not have Crest Worms anymore, and good fucking riddance, but she knows the Matou Mysteries. Saber has Avalon and her own power, and Rider has her own strength and Bounded Field that could be the first step towards helping the baka realize his own strength: on his own merits without regret. It's true." Rin looks at them all. "Shirou is different now, but there is no reason to think he can't make his own miracle. In some ways, looking at us all here, he already has." She turns back to Illya. "You never saw your brother in school. That day, on the high jump, that he could never get right but he kept trying. Every time."

"Until he got it." Sakura says.

"Until he succeeded." Rin nods. "I never thought I'd say this, but there is a lot to learn from that baka if you really pay attention to him. And that has more spirit than anything your father, or mine, or anyone's Families have proposed for two hundred years. The point is, Illya. I will help you. _We_ will help you. On three conditions."

Illya sighs. _Here it comes. Let it never be said that the Tohsaka never jockey for the advantage_. "I assume my research is part of it."

"Yes. _All_ of your research pertaining to Shirou and his reality." Rin says. "The second is that you will tell Shirou what is going on. All of it. We will not cover for you."

"He has a right to know." Rider adds. "If you were one of my sisters, I would." 

Illya exhales shakily. "I-I know. His treatments are almost done. I will tell him. I just ..."

"Yes, Illya." Sakura says, a knowing glint in her eye. "He will try to help and we will be there to make sure Senpai doesn't do anything ... rash."

"I do not want to hurt him." Illya says, honestly. "Not more than I already have." 

"We will need him anyway, if this is going to work." Rin tells them. "He does need to be in the loop and, between us, we should be able to keep the baka from doing anything really, really dumb. Like dying."

"And the third condition?"

Rin nods. "Right. Right now, like I said, we are at a crossroads. Factions in the Association are laughing at us, even while watching us closely. It isn't as bad as initially, given my apprenticeship with Zelretch and my links to Lord El-Melloi. But our Heaven's Feel Ritual failure really cost our standing with the Association. I barely made it out of that myself without Zelretch. And eventually, if not already, the Association will find out about Saber and Rider. And Shirou. We need to make a united front. I'm the last heir of my House, but I still hold this land. Sakura is the last of hers, but we are allies and she has knowledge. And you, Illya ... this is where you come in. We know you put your house in order when you left. I didn't even need Saber to tell me that. But the Einzbern has resources. I also have my Jewel patents. 

"So, to the point." Rin holds out her hand. "I propose a merging of our resources, of our Clans. It will be the second great alliance between the Families. To make something better than this abomination of a War ever was. To actually salvage and even make something great out of its remains. My third condition is that you join us, Illya. We are much more bad ass together than apart."

Illya considers Rin's proposal. She realizes what this means. There is a precedent for it. Often, she would hear her Grandfather grousing about the Yggdmillennia Family and how it formed from the dregs and remnants of lost Families. They pass their Crests and Mysteries down through their related bloodlines, but they have something akin to a rudimentary Mage's Association formed around them. Perhaps they even share research. Illya isn't sure where they and others like them would go in about a thousand years, but she can see why they would do that. But the Einzbern are powerful. They can still create their magecraft even without the Third Magic. But they don't have the political influence to get what Illya needs ... one way or another. Rin is the closest one, with both her connections to the Association and even the Church. 

"This ... will get us a lot of attention." Illya says.

"Not for a while." Rin replies. "It will, but one way or another because our Families' initial experiment failed, we already have it. Just by Zelretch interfering alone, we have it. I have a plan ... something that will get us what we want. And perhaps even more. But we all need to be on board and ..." She hesitates. "We need you, Illya."

"All right." Illya says. "That's all you needed to say, Rin. The House of Einzbern agrees with your proposal."

"And the ... Matou." Sakura also says.

Illya reaches out to shake Rin's hand. Sakura puts her hand on theirs.

"I pledge my service to this alliance." Saber places her hand over theirs.

"As do I." Rider also steps in and takes her place with them. "I follow my Master." 

Rin nods towards all of them. "Good. I don't know what shape this merging will give us, but we know our common link, and we will do something great. I know it." 

Illya rolls her eyes. "Of course we will, Rin. I am helping you, after all." 

Rin actually sticks her tongue out at Illya, much to her shock. "Yeah yeah, brat. Don't make me regret this more than I do." She shakes her head as the rest of them separate their hands. "We will keep this on the down low for a while. But now, Illya. I'm really going to need some of that solution you made."

Illya ponders that request. "For Shirou?"

"Yes. But not specifically for him." Rin says. "Now, that we're done here, the real work begins." 

 


	51. Chapter 51

_"I want you to take me back to Papa's house."_

Shirou noticed, back when Illya made the request, that she didn't call their parent Father, or even Kiritsugu. She didn't even refer to him by the usual Japanese terminologies that he knew she likes to adopt from time to time, as something of a novelty in her time here in Fuyuki. It was just Papa: something that he never called the old man. 

He had insisted on walking there, despite the burning in his limbs. It isn't a terrible feeling. If anything, it is like the feeling one gets when they perform too much exercise, followed by the gradual come down from an excess of lactic acid build-up in their muscles. There is something clean to this strain, this tiredness, that his immersions into Illya's vats, and his own training gave him that made him want to have some fresh air. At first, Illya had allowed him to walk around the premises and courtyard of her Castle, but he wanted to really go for a walk. He wanted to move through the town, and even visit back home. It was after Illya had left him under Sella's strict, but careful supervision in his last soaking that she came back with this request.

He knew he couldn't turn her down. Something tells him that no matter how many lifetimes they had met, it was hard to say no to her. He's not sure how it happened, but he figures that it isn't so much important how it occurred in that he deals with this bond that the two have with each other since before they even met. 

So Shirou called Sakura and Rider in advance, to tell them he and Illya would be visiting the house for a time. He still doesn't want to intrude on their time together, and Illya made it fairly clear she just wanted to visit his Workshop: which he invited her to do in any case. But the two women would have none of it, and they were to have a meal with them and Taiga who, as usual, invited herself to the premises when Sakura relaxed that aspect of the Bounded Field. And then they ganged up on him, with Illya, to make them take a cab to the residence. Illya didn't even have to bother mesmerizing him, in which she still honoured his request, but nevertheless she got exactly what she wanted.

"A storehouse." Illya swings her feet down from the porch, and shakes her head in a bout of disbelief that she still has shaken away. "Not only do you invite everyone and the kitchen sink to your Workshop, but it's a storehouse. I'm really surprised Rin didn't give you hell for ... both of these things."

Shirou chuckles. "Well, she did."

"At least she has some pride as a magus then." Illya mutters. "But ... it's nice. For a storehouse. Papa didn't get to show me many of his tools back in Germany. And ... it's nice to see the place where Mama was too. The circle she lay in ..."

Shirou furrows his brow at a thought, and the danger in vocalizing it. "Do you ... do you remember that?"

Illya looks up at him. He notices that, somehow, she's even paler at night than usual. It could have something to do with the rising moon. It occurs to him that she looks adorable in the white kimono that Taiga insisted she wear before she left for the night, matching his own. "A bit." She admits. "It wasn't all just Avenger grousing at me throughout the years, using her face." A dark look enters her eyes before she smiles. "But mostly it was Saber that told me about that. I'm glad she had her. I'm glad that she left that circle for you too. Between Mama's circle, and Papa putting Avalon into you, I'd like to think they caused all of this to happen: for us to meet."

"It's a nice thought." Shirou says, ,looking down at his own feet as they sit on the porch. "Taiga was really glad to meet you."

"Yeah." Illya sticks out her tongue. "I could see that. Asking me all these questions about what year of school I'm in, how Germany is, and talking about Papa a lot."

Shirou sighs. "Yeah. Fuji-nee can be a handful, I'll grant you that. But ... she really liked the old man. A lot. Seriously, Illya: she was really happy to meet you and have that dinner together."

Shirou isn't prone to over-exaggeration. They had told Taiga about Illya in advance. It hadn't actually been all that hard. They told her that Kiritsugu's wife had passed, before he'd adopted Shirou, and that due to a falling out with her family Illya had been taken during a custody battle. It wasn't until the death of her Grandfather and Illya's own coming of age that she been able to come to Fuyuki to finally see her adoptive brother. This, in and of itself, might have been too much for anyone else to believe. But Taiga, through her yakuza Family, knew Kiritsugu had a history of some kind, and child custody issues between families and clans were not uncommon. She also knew there were parts of Kiritsugu's life that he didn't talk about, and obviously pained him. But she was angry that he hadn't told her about Illya. And there were a lot of questions, far before the dinner, about Illya and how she found out about Shirou and so on.

Luckily, Shirou had the foresight to tell Taiga about Illya before any of this, and his treatments. It also gave Taiga the time to get Illya that rather cute kimono.  

"So what are you going to tell her about Rin, Saber, and Rider?" 

And this is where Shirou's sense of foresight ended. The young man feels blindsided by Illya's question, both its content, and the casual manner in which she asked it. "I ..."

Illya waves her hand with a smirk. "Come now, onii-chan. It's pretty obvious. When you read the body language. And hypnosis is only going to go so far ... especially when the _babies_ start ..."

"Illya!" Shirou doesn't mean it to come out as bark. "No one is talking about babies here and Saber and Rider are spirit ..." His face falls as Illya begins to giggle at him. "That's ... not what I ..." He splutters. "You mentioned ...:"

"Yeah, onii-chan. I did mention children." 

Illya smiles and looks down. Even so, he can tell that her mood has changed. He's not sure what this is. He knows that she wanted to come here, for a reason. But he doesn't feel right just coming out and asking. Not right now. 

"We ..." He tells her. "We haven't talked about that yet."

"I can tell."

"Right." Shirou says. "I do know that ... we're not ready. Sakura and I. And any ..."

"Taiga is like your older sister. She's going to know something is up. Eventually. I mean, two is too much for a secret, never mind three."

"Illya?" Shirou feels foreboding clench around his stomach. "What is going on? Why do you mention this?"

"She's family." Illya replies, her tone distant. "You can tell she loved Papa. And she loves you. Granted, she's not part of the Moonlit World and that might be a problem. That and even by magi standards whatever it is you are all making is pretty unconventional."

"She might actually kill me." The thought occurs to Shirou, suddenly. "I don't ... I don't want to hide this. But it's just like I can't talk to her about the existence of magic. And ... it's linked. It's all linked. Isn't it."

"Maybe." Illya replies. 

The two siblings become quiet. Shirou looks up at the moon again. It occurs to him, right now, that they are sitting in almost the exact same places he sat with his Dad all those years ago right up until the moment that he died. 

"He sat where I did, didn't he."

Shirou blinks and looks over at Illya, who is also looking up at the moon. "How ..."

"I had Archer's soul." She reminds him, in a gently chiding tone. "I saw some of his key memories. I saw him ... you, sitting with Papa when he ..." 

Shirou closes his eyes. It occurs to him that for all he called Kiritsugu an old man, he had only been thirty-five years old. Now Shirou feels older than his late teens. He can almost imagine lifetimes of pain and exhaustion. How much of it are residual memories from Archer, and how much of it came from this War and his death are facts that are beyond him right now at this point. "I made a promise to him."

"I know. You took up his burden." 

"His dream." Shirou says, some sadness pressing on his chest. "He looked so ... peaceful when I said I would. But maybe ... maybe it was impossible, after all."

"I don't think so." Illya replies, putting her hand on his. "I think the way you were both thinking about it, the different ways, were impossible. Childish maybe. But the idea isn't bad in itself, right? It's just the method that needs work."

Shirou smiles. "I think my hero days are pretty much over, Illya."

"Oh?"

He feels her red gaze fix on his. It isn't her Mystic Eyes, as they have talked about already, but there is something even firmer in them than that. She is scrutinizing him closely: just like that day when she realized he needed help adjusting to his new body. 

"Yeah." He tries to smile encouragingly. "I have to be there for Sakura and the others. And for you. It's like ... we've only just met, Illya. And I want to take that time and spend it with you as much as possible. To make up for all that time I didn't even know about you." 

"Shirou. You are still a hero." She says, quietly. "I still need you to be a hero." 

Shirou pauses. "Illya ..." He tries, without much success in his own mind, to quell down the trepidation in his voice. "What is ..."

And then, Shirou sees it. It's a flash of memory. It isn't his memory. But he remembers what she told him about her treatments: about the help that she needs from Rin to allow herself to age, the fact that she's not really grown since she was eight years old, the wan look on her face right now, and the anxiety he can see there. _He's ... holding her in a bed ... But it isn't him. She tells him to live his life, and then she ..._

Shirou gets up abruptly. But that's not right either. He jolts back. Illya must have seen the blood drain from his face. Her eyes widen in fear, and that only makes the feeling inside him worse.

"A year ..." Shirou whispers.

Illya grits her teeth and squeezes her eyes shut. He can see her trying to suppress some powerful emotions. He wants to reach out to her. He is her brother. He should be the one comforting her. But Shirou can't breathe. It's as though Rider's Pegasus kicked him in the ribs, and left him staggered and broken. "I ..." He says. "We can do this. Tohsaka can help us find the Crest and we can ... I will do anything to save you."

"I know you will." Illya reaches up and grabs Shirou's hand. "Shirou, please sit down. I'm ... I'm sorry. I should have told you ..."

Shirou shakes his head absently. "Wow. Um ... it's all right, Illya ..."

"No." Illya says, her voice filled with sadness. "It's not. I thought I could take care of this with Rin and it wouldn't be an issue ... Please, onii-chan."

 _Onii-chan ..._ that word reminds him. She needs him. He slowly sits back down. Illya keeps her hand around his. "All right, look at me, onii-chan."

She moves to the side and faces him. Shirou sees her cross her legs under her. He moves away from the veranda and faces her. Her other hand rests on his own. Something is riding up inside of his chest and he can't stop it. Panic? Terror? Shirou knows he should not be feeling this. It isn't the War anymore. And they can do this. This can be dealt with. This ...

"Shirou, look at me."

And he does. Illya has her hands on either side of his face. He realizes he's shaking. Tears are falling down his face. He sees tears forming in Illya's eyes as well. "Oh, Shirou. I'm so sorry ..."

"I can't lose you." Shirou says, speaking the word like a bullet to the gut. "I-I know I have to be strong. But I ... I can't ..."

Illya reaches up and wraps her arms around him. Shirou is ashamed of himself. Illya is the one that's dying and he is the one that can't keep it together. Ever since he died, though he's gotten better, it's been harder to control his emotions. But this ... She just holds him for a while. 

"You won't." She tells him. "I will always be a part of you, onii-chan. No matter what. But you need to listen, okay?" 

"Y-yeah ..." Shirou says as Illya lets go of him. She still has her hands on his face. She takes one hand and brushes away a tear from his cheek. 

"I know you want to march right into the Clock Tower and take the Crest. I know you." Illya smiles. "I also know that if I tell you not to, you will just try to do it anyway. It's the same if the others do it." She sighs. "I talked with Rin and the others about this yesterday. That's where I went."

"You mean ..." Shirou doesn't know whether to feel hurt or a sense of relief that everyone is in on this, and they had a chance to talk about it before hitting him with this realization. "You all knew."

"I knew for a while. But they only figured it out not long ago. Don't be angry at them, onii-chan. I promised to tell you. You are almost done your treatments. You won't need the vat anymore. But here is the thing, all right? They don't want you to be at the Tower. And you know why. And I know that doesn't matter to you, but it does to them and to _me_. So I won't stop you from going there. But you need to be ready. Do you understand, Shirou?"

"I ... I think so." Shirou admits, though he is still processing many different feelings and experiences.

"I do not want you to ruin your life because of me. You lost so much already. No matter what happens, I want you to live ... just like in that memory of Archer's. One of them. I don't and I won't be the reason for your damnation. Do you understand that, Emiya Shirou?"

"Yes." His eyes are streaming, but he has to keep his promise to the daughter of his father, as he did with him before her. "Just ... what can I do?"

lllya visibly relaxes. "You need to train. We both do. We need to work on creating Bounded Fields. You need to make your reality. Not Archer's. Yours."

"I will but ..." Shirou shakes his head. "It took Archer ten years, if not more to conceptualize never mind evoke his reality ..."

"I know that, onii-chan. But you have some ... cheat notes, I guess. You have his memories and even some of the remains ..." Illya tells him. "More than that, you also have that conviction, and our aid. We need you at your best. We need your skills to make any of this possible. It's not going to happen right now or even a few days from now. But soon enough, you will be at that place that we need where you can make the tools that we need."

"Do you know what you need yet?" Shirou can work with this. He can work with solutions, tangible problems, and a goal instead of the fear.

"Maybe." Illya says. "Rin knows a little more. But we need you to get better. To be better. And I will train with you. Reality Marbles are mass extensions of the mind manifested by Bounded Fields. Rider has two manifestations of Fields that I know can help. One in particular that I know she's been using with you. But that is your goal, right now. And just like Zelretch's Sword, I know we can do this in much less than several years. Just to make the tools. Just so you can wield them."

"Yes." Shirou says, through his pain and grief regaining a conviction that he hasn't really felt in months since his death. "I will do this."

"We will." Illya replies. "I know you can do this." Then she leans forward and kisses him on the forehead. "You will be my hero, onii-chan."

"I'll do it." Shirou says, realizing in the back of his mind that he is making another oath on this veranda, under a similar night, under another moon. "I promise." 


	52. Chapter 52

To business.

Walking the path of the magus is to walk with death. This is what Rin's father had told her for most of her young life. It's what Sakura had to live with for most of hers. Ultimately, it is what Illya has had to look forward to for her entire existence from birth. But perhaps, this time, they could use that same principle to find a path through life itself. 

Rin, Sakura, and Saber stand around the vat as Illya and her maids prepare another mixture. They see the red veins and markings of Illya's Magic Circuits as she transmutes this next batch of fluid into the alchemical formula that she initially used to stimulate the Circuits and nerve-endings in Shirou's soul throughout his new body. Shirou himself sits behind them, and watches. Rin knows he is watching: as he has been for the past couple of days. He's been observing their failure.

"Damn it." Rin grumbles. "It should be so simple. The formula stimulates cellular growth. It's designed, by the Einzbern to complete nerve endings and pathways to Circuits. Even the growth of Circuits themselves."

"I know what my own formula does, thank you Rin." lllya sighs, her tone already dripping with annoyance. "But onii-chan's body and soul integration is closer to my Art: Wish-granting and the Third Magic. What you're talking about is using it on something that has nothing at all to do with either of those principles. And combining Magecraft's always a game of roulette." She stares pointedly at Sakura. "Especially when some people don't know the ins and outs of their own Art."

"And I've told you again, Illya." Rin growls, somehow finding herself in front of her sister. "Sakura is just as capable with the Matou Art as almost any of them at this point." _Partially due to her training with the priest, and mostly because of my guidance,_ is what the Tohsaka Head doesn't have to even say.

"It's all right, Neesan." Sakura says, putting a gentle hand on her shoulder. "I can understand why Illya is so cranky."

Illya's eyebrow arches. "Cranky?"

"Of course you are." Sakura replies, either unaware or ignoring the dangerous glint in Illya's eye. "You've been creating mixture after mixture after each experiment fails. You have a lot of power, Illya. But I also know, with all my reservoir, that we can still get very tired. And." She sighs. "The catalyst is very complex. I've never tried to absorb those kinds of properties before, never mind bind them. Although ..."

Rin looks at Sakura. it is rare that her sister ever takes initiative with Magecraft beyond what happened during the War, and that didn't count considering everything else going on at the time. "What is it Sakura?"

"It ... is a similar idea, isn't it?" Sakura shakes her head. "Saber, Avalon binds itself to the user, or host that it is placed in, right?"

"That is my understanding of it, yes." Saber replies. In her hands is the golden sheathe itself: large and narrow but glittering with the gold of its faerie properties. "According to Merlin, the energy inside it -- powered by myself and my blood -- bonds with the host, and the energy inside it is absorbed by the body: repairing whatever damage is done to them."

"Yes." Sakura nods. "Binding and absorption. Theoretically, I shouldn't even have to do much. But there are difficulties. For one, this liquid isn't a body, and it doesn't have a soul or prana. You, Neesan. Your imbuing power would be closer, especially if we can take this formula and turn into into a gem or a crystal ..."

Rin rubs at her forehead. "I understand what you're saying, Sakura. But I can't absorb Avalon, or bind its properties to an inorganic substance. Out of all of us here, you should be able to absorb some of its properties, and then with my imbuement, bind those elements to the liquid."

"Yes, Neesan. But the problem is that we still haven't narrowed those properties down in order to work with them."

"And." Illya adds, a sour expression on her face. "Given that this is a Noble Phantasm not made by humans, it will be hard to even identify those elements beyond being fey."

"But, you yourself Illya and all of your House aren't even human." Rin sighs again as she sees the signs of offense on Illya's faces and those around her. "I mean, the Einzbern and their Dress of Heaven operate without having human, or mortal qualities. Otherwise anyone else handling that Dress would have been transmuted into gold, correct?"

"True." Sella states at Illya's side as Leysritt moves off to place some of the heavier objects back on the shelves in Illya's Workshop. "However, the purpose of this formula is to focus Avalon's healing properties on the fine regrowth of Magic Circuits. On _human_ Magic Circuits. Our background with non-human matter is of little use to this regard." 

"Thank you, Sella." Illya nods primly towards her maid. "And before you even start, Rin, no: what you want to use this on still has human organic components. Otherwise, it'd be of no use to any magus heir." 

"Yeah. I know. I know what a goddamned Magic Crest is, thanks." Rin snaps, and then rubs her eyes with her thumb and index finger. "Shirou." She turns around to look at the Emiya magus. 

Shirou looks up from looking at the vat with a faraway look. "Yes, Tohsaka?"

"It's about time you contribute here." She says, pointing a finger at him. 

"I ..." Shirou shrugs. "I am totally at a loss here, Tohsaka. Remember, I'm really a Spell-Caster, not magi like you."

"That's no excuse!"

"Neesan ..." Sakura walks to Shirou's side.

"No, I'm serious." Rin says. "Shirou is more than capable of learning runes, formalcraft,  _and alchemy_. You like making things with your hands, right Shirou? Well, this is similar."

"Well." Illya says, rolling her eyes at Rin. "Not quite, but it's true onii-chan. You could learn some of my Art, and it might help us in the long run."

"It's not an excuse to daydream." Rin snaps again, exasperated by the extreme lack of progress they have been making. 

"Really, Tohsaka?" Shirou shouts, his face turning red. "You think I'd daydream when my sister is dying?"

There is a tense silence in the room. Leysritt and Sella stand protectively by Illya's side, the latter of which looking like she has been blindsided. Shirou's eyes bulge for a few moments. Sakura's hand is on his back, making calming motions but her look at Rin is firm. It is just as firm as Saber's focused gaze on Rin. _Apologize_ , they both seem to say.

"I'm ... sorry, Emiya-kun." Rin says, actually feeling bad. "We know you're taking this seriously."

"I'm sorry too, Tohsaka. And Illya."

lllya smiles. "You don't have to apologize to me, onii-chan. If anyone should be teaching you alchemy, it should be me and not this ..."

"Illyasviel-sama ..." Sella says warningly.

"Be. Good." Leysritt adds, patting Illya's head.

"Fine fine." Illya mutters, but smiling at the two maids. Rin notices how happy the Einzbern Head looks when she glances at them. "But Rin is actually right, onii-chan. In all seriousness, if anyone can give us insight into Avalon it would be you."

"I ..." Shirou blinks. "What about Saber? Saber." He turns to her. "This is your Noble Phantasm."

"That is true, Shirou. But you have had it inside of you for a long time." The Servant reminds him, a soft look coming into her green eyes. "And your ... structural analysis could draw on it more intimately than anyone here in this room."

"I ..." Shirou's brow furrows. "I don't think I've ever tried ..."

He is quiet for a time. Rin wonders if it's because Shirou has trouble with complex thoughts, or if he's remembering more of Archer's memories from the multiverse. Irritation fills her, but as she's about to speak up, Saber beats her to it.

"But you have, Here. In this timeline." Saber walks over to Shirou and takes his hand, putting it on her chest. "Remember?"

"Um ..." Shirou's face somehow turns even more red. "Saber ..." Rin's annoyance is forgotten. Now she is genuinely amused. _Really, Shirou? You are still uncomfortable with something like this, after everything with Sakura and Rider? With us?_ The thought is strangely refreshing.  

Saber doesn't give up however. "You summoned Avalon from inside you under the Temple. You put it in me. That's how you saved me." The Servant squeezes Shirou's hand, and Rin notices the young man returning her grasp. 

"Senpai." Sakura says gently. "If you guide me through Projection, we might be able to figure it out ... together."

"But Sakura. You already know how to use Gradation Air." Shirou replies. "It is a basic spell, right Tohsaka? Even you know it."

"Yes, baka." Rin finally loses her patience. "But you have a different way of using it. It's probably tied into your Reality Marble. What do you call it again?" She sighs. "Tracing, right?"

"Yeah." Shirou says, rubbing his chin with his hand as Saber steps to the side. "But it's from the Marble and I'm not sure it will help anyone here ... But maybe ... I can remember Avalon with it. And I can ..." He looks at Sakura and Illya. "I can show you what I can see from it if Saber lets me hold it."

"Of course." Saber says, holding out the Noble Phantasm. 

"Just be careful, Shirou." Rin says as Illya also steps forward with her hand out. "Just get the memory and image in your head. Don't try to reproduce it."

"Yes, onii-chan." Illya puts a hand on Shirou. "Your Marble isn't fully developed. You might have greater affinity to Avalon, but you need to remember your energy." She looks at Sakura. Sakura nods and places her own hand on Shirou.

"Remember too." Rin says. "The formula is the medium focus for the energy. It will conduct it. It doesn't need to last. Just enough to do its job on the Crest we place inside it." 

"Understood." Shirou replies. Rin isn't sure Shirou does, in fact, understand but she knows the others do. She watches him close his eyes. "Trace. On."

Rin didn't want to risk Shirou exerting or hurting himself, which was why she didn't ask him to attempt this earlier. It was probably the reason they were failing so many times. That, and no one had tried to bond some of the properties of a healing Noble Phantasm to an alchemical focus before either: specifically to repair a damaged Magic Crest. Green-blue lines glow on Shirou's skin and face in angles. 

"You can do it, Shirou." Saber whispers. "I believe in you."

"Structural analysis." Shirou murmurs, lost inside of himself. "Basic ... basic structure ..."

Then Shirou lets go of Avalon, jolting into Sakura's arms. Illya nearly falls back, her red eyes widening. Sakura catches Shirou, but she is trembling. Rin and Saber immediately come to their aid as the maids up Illya regain her balance.

"R-right at the scope of True Magic." Illya mutters, blinking several times. "I transferred the memory. The thought to Sakura."

"Sakura?" Rin shakes her shoulder. "Are you ... are you ... all right?"

Sakura guides Shirou back to his chair, gently forcing him to sit down. "We shouldn't ... try that again, Neesan." She says, after a time. "Not today anyway."

"Of course." Rin places a hand on Shirou, who still seems to come back from being dazed. "There is no damage. He will be all right."

"I know." Sakura closes her eyes. "Neesan. I saw it. I saw the particles. I don't ... I don't know how long I can keep it in my mind ..." She turns to Saber. "Saber, please put Avalon into the vat. I think I can do it now. Neesan ..."

"Right." Rin says, forcing her eyes off Shirou and her sister as she opens her Magic Circuits. "Just hold the image. I'll do the rest."

Saber carefully places Avalon into the solution, as she has done these past couple of days. It glitters in the liquid, inert and timeless. Illya goes to sit near Shirou, holding his hand and talking with him. Rin can't think about that right now. She watches as Sakura concentrates, murmuring an aria under her breath. Rin feels her sister's Magic Circuits flare, finding resonance in her own. She imagines the particles, the fey specks or spots in her mind's eye, as the artifact glows. It is glowing. The energy is flowing towards Sakura, but it stops. It never did that before. 

"Trace. On." Rin doesn't know whether or not to find Sakura's adoption of Shirou's words strange or endearing. "Structural analysis ... Basic Structure ... Bind ..."

Rin can't see it but she imagines these motes from the glowing Noble Phantasm binding with the molecules and atoms of the solution. Then, Sakura gasps and moves away from the vat. Now it's up to Rin. 

She takes a Gem from her pocket and calls on its power. A litany of German and Finnish flows from her tongue, commanding the particles bound to the properties to fuse, to imbue themselves ... Her powerful Gem crumbles in her fingers. The arcane circle she made around the vat flares and dies down.There is a blinding light. And then, the radiance begins to die down. She looks at the vat and then the others. "Saber ... you can ... take Avalon out now."

Saber walks over, after checking on Shirou, and Sakura. She reaches down and takes her sheathe back. Then she closes her eyes and the scabbard bonds with her sword once more. However, the liquid in the vat is still shining. Still golden. 

"Did we ..." Sakura starts to ask.

Rin groans, suddenly tired. She hopes she didn't expend another powerful Gem for nothing. "Illya ..."

Illya skips to a table and picks up an object. It's another piece of Shirou's original body: not the tools that came from it, some of the matter that Illya herself was able to extract. Rin manages to get up and take up a vial. She scopes some of the solution into the vial as Illya puts the piece of matter into it. And then, Rin lets Illya place it down into a holder. 

They observe the fluid and the object floating inside of it. The glow emanates from the vial as well. Even though Rin finally has to close her Circuits to avoid burnout, she realizes this is a good sign. The other attempts didn't glow like this. And with the last of her heightened awareness, she can sense ... some kind of interaction. 

"We just need to see if the pathways and connections are growing at a normal rate." She says more to herself than anyone else. 

"And if they are?" Saber asks.

"If they are." Rin murmurs. "If they are, then I need to make a call. To Lord El-Melloi. His Family is going to want to hear about this." 

 

 


	53. Chapter 53

"There's been some cellular growth. But we have to look at Shirou's Circuits, and the others. Just to see if they match up."

Saber nods, but doesn't have much else to add to Rin's words. They are in Rin's bedroom this time around. The Tohsaka magus has been clutching another Gem, imbuing as much of her power into it as she can. Saber rests on arm under Rin's head, watching the other flex her fingers around the Gem over and again like some form of stress ball, or an act of giving blood. She's noticed, after the last experiment a day or so ago, that Rin has been sleeping more. It's something that Saber has been subtly encouraging. 

More often than not, Rin practically lives and dozes in her Workshop: working on her experiments, and some of Lord El-Melloi and even Zelretch's assignments. Many people, who had the fortune, or misfortune, of seeing Rin awake up mornings and more often afternoons didn't realize that most of the time, her near catatonic and foul moods were the result of working extremely long hours on her magecraft: be it through her experiments, practice, or martial arts training. And many of these people, including their small group, had never seen how irate Rin could get after one of their missions through the multiverse. Saber believes that they should count themselves fortunate. 

Rin is always doing something, which is why when she has been going into her actual bed lately, Saber has done everything she can to keep her there. Her face blushes briefly at that thought. However, it is quick enough to escape Rin's notice.

"Penny for some dirty thoughts, Saber?"

Saber shakes her head. "Incorrigible as always, Rin." She smells the shampoo in Rin's untied dark hair, sprawled out around her face and down her nightgown. Rin turns to smirk at her.

"Can you at least tell me if it's about me, or Shirou?"

"Rin ..." She sees the other's smirk widen into a grin and she sighs. "You really like to get a rise out of me, don't you?"

"Well, not really. I'm not as gifted with magic as Merlin ..."

"... now I sincerely regret telling you that story." Saber murmurs darkly. 

Rin laughs and nestles under the swordswoman's arm. "Well, if all goes well, you'll probably be getting a rise out of Shirou instead ..."

"Rin. Please stop. It is just a date tomorrow. We are spending time together, and nothing more."

"Uh huh." Rin turns to look at her. "Saber, Sakura told me all about how you kissed Shirou that day he left our place. Maybe you'll spend time at a festival, or shopping. But eventually, we know how it will turn out."

"I'm not ... sure, to be honest." Saber says. "I've ..."

It takes a moment. Rin sighs. "Yeah. You know, I forget sometimes that everyone thought you were a man in Camelot. And not the kind of man that spent time with ... other men."

"Of course I did." Saber replies. "I spent much time with the Knights of the Round and my comrades in battle."

Rin chuckles. "Oh Saber. That's not what I meant. It's amazing how a King can still be so naive ..."

Saber pauses, and then gives Rin a serious look. "Oh, I know that many of my men liked to spend their company in the arms of their brothers, those that weren't with the camp-girls, or mistresses for those of higher rank. I am not that naive."

"No. But you've never been with a man."

Saber sighs. "No. Not like that."

"I know." Rin tells her, the teasing in her tone making room for some gentleness. "And I don't have to tell you that, well, if it has be with a man, the baka is a pretty good choice."

"Shirou is a good man." Saber says, her voice full of the genuine sincerity coming out of her heart. "I ... I don't know where it will all lead, but I love him. His gender and body not withstanding, I love him as a person." 

"Yeah." Rin says. "But I've seen his body. I think it's pretty important."

"Well yes." Saber feels her face growing red. "It is a part of who he is." She ponders talking about the attractiveness of Shirou to the young woman who is also her lover, who also has obvious attraction, and plans to be with the same man one day soon, and marvels at all of this.

"You'll figure it out." Rin assures her, kissing her neck and settling again. "And the baka should have enough experience by now to able to help ... if he's not completely hopeless."

"He's not, Rin." Saber finds herself defending Shirou. "While I don't about ... the rest of it, he is very competent and between us I know we can talk through anything. Just like the War ..." Her voice trails off, drowning out her doubts and memories of being Saber Alter. She has dealt with that. They have both moved past it. This is another situation now. 

"Well, after spending so much time with my sister, and Rider, I'd hope he's good at the rest of it." 

Saber blinks. She opens her mouth, and then closes it. Finally, she finds her words. "Pardon?"

Rin gives her a knowing look. Saber realizes that she meant exactly what she said, and heard precisely what Rin meant to convey. "Oh." 

A perplexed expression forms on Rin's face. "Saber, you must have known."

Saber shakes her head. "I know about Sakura. That makes sense. From what you told me, Shirou and Sakura have known each other since they were children." And she'd seen the looks that Sakura had given them at the beginning, before everything in the War had gone more to hell than even she thought was possible. It was obvious Sakura was in love with Shirou, and she could see why Shirou would love her back. But Rider ... When Saber really thinks about it, it also makes sense. She saw Shirou when he was recovering, in between quests with Rin. She saw Rider reading to Shirou every day, or resting his head on her lap. She recalls that one time she and the other Servant talked about their differences, as much as they ever had. Saber never really hated Rider, though she had taken offense to some of her words: even if some of them were warranted. 

"I ..." Saber barks out a laugh. "I can't begrudge them that. Rider is an admirable Servant, part of Sakura's life. And you did say she was helping him as well."

"Yes." Rin's tone becomes far away. "She was draining his pain, before you and Illya came back from Germany. And he feeds her too, or he did, as she needs more prana beyond what Sakura gives her. It's something of a feedback loop between the three of them."

 _It links them together,_ Saber realizes. _Sakura provides them with prana, and Rider takes some of it from Shirou even as she takes some of his pain away. But Shirou is also linked to me, and I am linked to Rin, and vice-versa. Sometimes I can ..._  

"Rider places him into a Bounded Field." She says aloud. "With her Mystic Eyes."

"Yeah." Rin says. "Breaker Gorgon. It's different from Blood Fort Andromeda, another Bounded Field that ... converts anything it into raw prana ..." Dark memories seem to fill Rin's eyes, and Saber recalls that it was after her own consumption by Angra Mainyu that Shinji had Rider use the Bounded Field in a last ditch attempt to kill Shirou, Rin, Archer, and anyone else at the Academy within it. Rider had no choice at the time, with Sakura having given away her rights as a Master to her adoptive brother. It is one more reason she wishes she hadn't been defeated then. Rin seems to realize she is ruminating, and pats Saber's shoulder. "It's all right. It wasn't Rider's fault. And Breaker Gorgon takes her and someone she chooses into a realm where they can ... exchange prana."

"You mean where she can feed." Saber states it as plainly as possibly, calling it what it is. 

Rin coughs and squirms a bit. Saber raises an eyebrow. "It is the safest way to examine that place in-between a Bounded Field and a Reality Marble." Rin explains, with a slightly more defensive tone in her voice than before. "According to theory, the Field -- which has a limited scope -- can be expanded into a Marble with enough discipline and scope."

"And you want to examine this to see if you can help Shirou develop his."

Rin's face turns red. Saber sighs. "Is this what you will be doing? Spending time with Rider?"

"I ..." Rin splutters, and then shakes her head. "I was going to tell you, just now ..."

Saber doesn't really know what to think of this. It's true. She did kiss Shirou after being with Rin, and right in front of Sakura. And it wasn't as though she were around, or mentally ready enough to do anything more with Shirou while he was in the company of the two women that were helping him. 

"I see the way she flirts with you. When we visit." Saber says instead. "No, Rin. I'm not completely naive as you think." A wan smile comes to her lips as the Tohsaka magus is about to open her mouth, some panic coming to her face. 

"Saber, I ... it's true, Rider and I have been ... bantering." She sighs in exasperation. "But I do want to see how her Field works."

"I'm sure."

"Seriously." Rin growls. "And it would sure be safer than Blood Fort Andromeda. Which I almost got caught in."

"And so she can take some of your prana." Saber says, pointedly. 

Rin groans and rolls over, turning her face away from Saber and covering it with her arms. Saber will have none of it however. She turns Rin to make her face her again. 

"Dammit." Rin mutters. "I suck at this. I ..."

"Is that why you were hoping I would spend the night at Illya's with Shirou?"

"No!" Rin explodes. "No, I mean what the two of you do together is up to you. You're both adults. I just ... I want to know ..."

"You want to know if I will be all right with Rider feeding on you, as she has on Shirou." 

Saber isn't sure why the look of utter mortification on Rin's face satisfies a part of her. "I won't do it if you have a problem with it ..."

"No Rin." Saber's tone is even. "I just want to know. Is Sakura all right with this?"

"Yes, actually." Rin says. "We talked about it."

"I see." Saber feels somewhat better. "I wish you had told me about this sooner."

"I know." Rin replies. "I just didn't know how to ..."

"When do you plan on doing this?" 

"In a few days." Rin tells her. "You know, I'm not going to make her my Servant or anything like that. She's my sister's. And you are mine, and Shirou's. The three of us are connected. In fact, when he's up to it, I ..."

Saber's brow furrows as Rin's verbal thought drifts away. "... you what?"

"There ..." Rin says, her voice becoming uncharacteristically quiet. "There might be a way to increase the connection between the three of us. But ... one thing at a time."

"Yes." Saber replies after a time, rubbing her forehead. "Another time please. Tomorrow, I want Shirou to take me shopping. Preferably for food." It won't be as good as his cooking, granted, but now she feels the need to really have Shirou spoil her. It isn't becoming of a knight or a king, but he did offer and she has feeling she will need some delicious food and entertainment to process all of this. 

"I'm sorry Saber." Rin whispers. "That's a lot of stuff. You deserve your time with him. I hope ... some time I will too. That we'll figure this out."

Saber sighs and puts her arm back around Rin. "Rin. I'm not angry. I'm just ... I'm also getting used to all of this myself." Certainly, Saber admits to herself, is better than the unspoken secret, the tacit yet unofficial arrangement, that lay between herself, Guinevere and Lancelot that was destroyed when it came to public light. Now it is all out in the open, and she can appreciate that. And maybe, this time, in addition to others she can also have some happiness. 

Rin cuddles into her. "I know. I'm glad that we can figure all this out together, as much as possible anyway."

Saber holds Rin and they lie together for a time. 

"By the way." Rin says. "If Shirou does anything the way he kisses, I think you'll have a good date."

Saber blinks. "When did this occur?"

"It was the day Shirou and I talked. After Sakura left the churchyard. I was glad he was there, for us ... for me. And we did."

This strangely doesn't bother Saber. She's already know Rin's feelings for Shirou, and the way the two bickered back and forth, the tension and the sheer amount of care between them was palpable. Still, after everything, Saber finds she can't remain silent.

"Well. We can both agree on one thing."

"Mm?"

Saber remembers that day outside of Tohsaka Manor and smiles. "Shirou is definitely an excellent kisser." 


	54. Chapter 54

They stand on Kobe Bridge as the sun sets. Shirou can't believe it has finally come to this.

They are finally here. Together. He remembers two days ago, before Saber came to get him for their date.

_He and Illya stand in the Workshop, surrounded by layers of incantations and circles on the floor. The two siblings have opened their Magic Circuits. Ever since the group experiment with Avalon, Illya wasted no time expanding on Shirou's knowledge. It hadn't taken much for Shirou to catch on to these basic lessons. Tohsaka herself, along with Sakura, had shown him how to create Bounded Fields. But Illya took those lessons and brought them a step further. Unlike his time with Rin, the Einzbern magus hadn't bothered attempting to get him to manipulate the elements, or do anything beyond what they already knew of his affinities._

_Most of the lessons had to do with recognizing components: where to find them, how to mix them, which ones worked well together, and which ones were utterly dangerous when exposed to one another. In some ways this basic Alchemy wasn't too far removed from many of Shirou's science classes, including and especially Chemistry from which the latter was derived from the former. Shirou didn't have any illusions that he would ever equal Illya's knowledge of Alchemy, but between their lessons and some of ... his other memories, he was catching on. At the very least, he might one day soon be able to create potions not unlike the ones Kiritsugu gave him right after the Fire._

_But at the time they laid down these circles, with Shirou slowly but gradually catching onto formalcraft -- magecraft taken from scholastic sources such as books as opposed to merely Magic Circuits and Crests -- the two were practicing specific Bounded Fields. He recalls Illya giggling as she inscribed lines of arcane symbols onto his skin, matching the glowing red layers of Circuits outlining the skeleton under her skin. Perhaps she enjoyed that a little too much. She told him to think about his element as he opened his Magic Circuits, and focused on the image of a sword. Swords. It is hard. Shirou often pictures the firing of a gun to activate his Magic Circuits, but this new visualization is close to his very nature. He thinks about drawing a sword, and then another. Like Kanshou and Bakuya._

_And Illya, she tells him to remind her to think about winter. About ice thawing. About a place of stillness that could support the wish for change._

_"I don't know if I can do this." He admits to her as his concentration wavers again._

_"Oh don't give up, silly onii-chan." Illya wags her finger at him, but she has stopped attempting to chant and meditate herself. "You've done harder things."_

_"No, it's ... not this." Shirou sighs. "I know I can do this."_

_"Then what is it?"_

_"I just." Shirou shakes his head. "This is going to take time. A lot of it. We all have so much to do. In order to get the Crest, I need to be at my best. And we don't ..." There isn't a lot of time. "The point is, I'm glad I gave Rider and Sakura time. They need it. But so do I. I have so much left to learn."_

_"You know." Illya says, a perceptive look coming into her red eyes. "You won't be able to learn all of this in one week. You won't be storming the Clock Tower tomorrow."_

_"No I ..." Shirou sits down in the circle. "I know. It's just ... I feel ... I feel selfish going on a ... a date of all things. I know Rin's busy and I'm sure Saber has better things to ..."_

_"Shirou."_

_Shirou feels a weight lower itself down in his lap. Illya sits down between his legs. He lets her settle. She reaches up and touches his face with both sides. Her eyes burn into his._

_"You and Saber planned this in advance. This means a lot to you. I know for a fact that you will not blow her off. She is important to you."_

_"I ..." He tries to look away, but her hands remain on both sides of his face. "I know, Illya."_

_"I know you do." She says. "Saber is a good Servant. And you both deserve this time." She pauses. "Also ..." Her eyes narrow. "If you break off your date because of me ... because of_ this _... I_ will _kill you." Her face softens into a melancholy acceptance, but it doesn't take away from her genuine smile. She pats him on the cheek. "Remember what I told you, onii-chan. I will not let myself be your damnation. Ever."_

"Shirou?" Saber puts a gentle hand on his back. "Are you all right?"

"Yes." He turns and smiles at Saber. "We had a good day, didn't we?"

Saber looks down at her blue skirt and blushes, smiling to herself. "Yes. This was a very ... acceptable day."

Seeing Saber smile like this lifts away most of the sadness from Shirou's heart. "I'm sorry that we ran into Fuji-nee." He rubs the back of his head awkwardly. "That was, well ..."

Saber chuckles, rocking a bit as she holds the items they purchased today at the market. "Shirou, you don't need to apologize. If you recall, the first time you introduced us, she challenged me to a duel."

Shirou groans. "Wow. I can't believe I forgot about that.  _That_  was embarrassing." All of it had been, if Shirou is going to be completely honest with himself. First, keeping Saber in his room because he couldn't get her to turn into spirit form, then feeling bad about keeping her a secret, then introducing her to Taiga  _and_  Sakura with a very poor back story. He is just thankful that, this time around, she was running an errand with Sakura, and the latter was able to steer her away ... "I'm surprised you remember ..." He stops himself.

Saber gives Shirou a look. "Of course I remember that, Shirou. It's hard to forget being challenged by your guardian. Even after ..."

Shirou puts a hand on her forearm. "You beat her soundly."

"She is proficient as a teacher and a trainer. She just doesn't have the experience of being on a battlefield."

"And she isn't a Heroic Spirit either, to be fair." Shirou adds, feeling the conversation lighten a bit.

Saber nods. "That's true. Then again, that didn't stop you from sparring with me."

"No." Shirou agrees, his eyes looking at the reddening sky. He leans forward against one of the bridge's supports. "I was pretty foolish, back then. To think I could ever match you ..."

"I don't call that foolishness, Shirou." Saber joins him, looking out at the water and the sky. "I actually miss our sparring sessions."

"Oh." Shirou pauses. "I always thought ... I don't know. We didn't have many of them ... and it's not like I was getting anything out of them?"

"Are you saying I wasn't a good teacher, Shirou?"

"N-no!" Shirou holds up his hands. "It's just that ... I wasn't a good student. I was never going to learn your style. I just needed to know how to defend myself ..."

"You did well during the War."

Shirou shakes his head. "That was different. I just survived. And I barely even did that."

"No." Saber says. "You did more than that. In our ... battle, you and Rider coordinated well. And you knew exactly what to do. I ..." Saber seems to try to find the right words. "I'd like to think I had a hand in some of that."

Shirou closes his eyes. He tries to figure out what to say to that. "Yes." He says. "You did."

He feels her arm wrap around his. "I'm so glad."

It's a strange feeling. The two of them interlocked by each other's arms, closer than they were even before the War, but also having so much left to say between them. Shirou thinks about the day. They had gone shopping, and played some arcade games: which Saber barely understood. But there had been a lot of food. Granted, it was nothing he had made, but Saber seemed happy and he just ... He just enjoyed sitting with her and showing her around the market and the town. They hadn't talked about anything else. He even managed to get her a present that she seems to like very much. He's never seen her face light up like that before. He hopes to see a lot more of it. 

"Shirou." Saber says. "Do you remember our phone call?"

_It was the following day after his call to Tohsaka. Shirou sat in his room at Illya's Mansion, recovering from his treatments, when he felt his phone ring._

_"Shirou?"_

_It took him a moment to realize who it was. "Saber?"_

_"Hello Shirou." Saber says. "How are you?"_

_"I am ... tired." He admits to her. His nerve-endings still burn from opening his Circuits for so long. He was not used to this. "And you?"_

_"I am fine." She tells him. "Rin is out visiting Sakura at the moment. She just left, and I thought I would talk with you."_

_"Well, I'm really glad to hear from you." Shirou says, meaning every word of it. "I just never expected ..."_

_"I do know how to use a phone, Shirou." A wry tone enters the Servant's voice._

_"Oh. Right." Shirou chuckles awkwardly. "From the Throne of Heroes ..."_

_"And the Fourth War." Saber adds._

_"Yes ..."_

_"... Shirou?" Saber asks after a while. "Are you still there?"_

_"I am." Shirou is quick to reply. "I am just thinking."_

_"As am I."_

_"It is really good to hear your voice." Shirou says. "I ... I've really missed you.":_

_"I've missed you too, Shirou."_

_Shirou has absolutely no idea how to proceed from here. He wants to tell her that her voice makes him happy. He wants to say that he remembers their kiss outside of Tohsaka Manor. He wants her to know that he has missed her every damn day she goes off with Tohsaka, to her place, or on a mission overseas or ... who knows where else. And he wants to tell her that he's afraid for Illya, though he doesn't know why. He's scared that he is imposing on Sakura and Rider, and even though he doesn't know where he stands with her and Tohsaka, he feels safe when he talks with her, like she has never left him. Ever. He thinks about all of these things before Saber's words cut through his thoughts._

_"I would like to go downtown with you in a few days." Saber says._

_Shirou's breath catches in his throat. "Oh ..."_

_"Is that all right? Will you be up to that?"_

_"Y-yes. I will be." He vows, finding his strength, his steel._

_"Good." He hears the warmth in her voice. "I will meet you at Illya's place. With a taxi." Her voice brooks no further argument. He knows she is concerned for his health, even though he is doing much better. "Then you'll guide me through town. I have a layout in my mind, but I trust you to know all the nuances of the area."_

_"I'd be honoured." Shirou whispers._

_"It is settled then." Saber says. "Shirou ... I look forward to our meeting. There is much ... left unsaid between us. I would like to remedy that."_

_"Me too, Saber." He tells her. "I would like that very much."_

_"But before all of that." She says. "I want you to treat me. To food. It's your duty on this ... date, I am told."_

_This date ... "And who told you ..." But Shirou doesn't have to complete his sentence. He already has some idea as to who would do so. "And I will. I ... I look forward to seeing you, Saber."_

_"Me too, Shirou."_

"I do remember." Shirou tells her. "I wasn't expecting you to phone me."

"It was because you called Rin." Saber says, her voice now distant. 

"I'm sorry." Shirou replies. "I should have talked with you too ..."

"No. You don't need to apologize Shirou. Out of the two of us ..." Saber exhales slowly. "Well ... regardless, you needed Rin's opinion as a magus. And it led to our current collaboration. We are ... still puzzling out ... whatever this is ..."

"You mean the formula? Or you and Tohsaka? Me and Tohsaka? Myself and Sakura? Or ..." Shirou tries to clear his dry throat. "You and me?"

"Yes." Shirou has rarely ever seen a wry, exasperated smile on Saber's face. "And Rider and yourself. And all of it."

"Oh." Shirou definitely doesn't know what else to say now. "So you ..."

"Three can keep a secret if two of them are dead, they say." Saber murmurs. 

Shirou's eyes widen. Unease twists him from the inside, and he is not sure he likes where this is going. "Saber! No one is a secret. You are not--"

Saber's gaze narrows into a considering look. "No? Then why do you not tell Taiga the truth about us? All of it?" Then she looks down at herself. "I'm sorry. I mean, the Moonlit World and the War isn't something that you can discuss with anyone. Even in those settings. Of course, to be fair, there are no secrets between us, or the others. But I am also one to talk." She faces the sky and the water again. "Once, I wanted to make a world beyond those shades of grey: that place between truth and secrets. Merlin always called that world mystery." Saber shakes her head. "He may have been a philandering wizard with a lack of judgment, but his insights were often right."

Shirou doesn't say anything. He can tell that Saber isn't done talking. She rarely talks about her past, or much about herself at all. 

"I came into this world, and made the choices that I did thinking there were secrets, and there was the truth." Saber says. "There was nobility and baseness. Good and evil. I wanted to make a world where it was all clear, and be on the side of righteousness: while helping everyone to live that way as well. But I didn't know to live. How can a living idea know how to live in a flesh and blood world?"

"Saber ..." Shirou says. "You were a flesh and blood person. You are a person."

"And that was my mistake." Saber replies, her voice soft. "I thought I had to be more than human. But all I did was become distant. Merlin was partially responsible for this, but I'd made my decision even before him. I ..." She looks at him, and a light wavers in her green eyes: pools of pain. "I don't think I have to tell you anymore that you don't already know."

"No." Shirou says, after a time. "I ... have an idea."

"You dreamed of me, didn't you Shirou."

"Yeah." Shirou puts his hands in his pockets. 

Saber nods. "I dreamed of you too."

Shirou feels compelled to say something. He tries to find the words through the discomfort. "I ... didn't see everything. I don't think that's ... how this bond works, you know? But what I saw was ..." His eyes meet hers and he wills himself not to turn away. "I saw enough." 

"What did you see, Shirou?"

Shirou takes a deep breath. "I saw you in another world. I saw you meet another version of me. I know he ... gave up on people. His ..." He clenches one hand in his pocket. "His ideals mattered more than actual people. He used you to win. He ..." Shirou sighs. "He was still walking around, still fighting, but he was already dead. In all the ways that mattered." 

"That wasn't even the worst thing I saw." Saber whispers.

A moment passes between them. Shirou is afraid to ask. But he knows that his silence and the way he looks at her is the question itself. 

"When you were recovering." Saber begins. "I felt so helpless. I blamed myself for what happened to you ... for dying, for leaving you vulnerable. No." She holds up a hand, forestalling him. "I know you don't blame me for that. But it was more that I blamed myself. And it was even more than just ... abandoning you, and betraying you." She bows her head. "I embraced the truth of Angra Mainyu. I saw what I had, deep down, already suspected: that everything I'd worked, and fought for was a lie. That my good intentions were not good at all. Shirou, you know what my wish was, right?"

"Yeah." Shirou replies. "I ... I knew after a while, that you wanted someone else to become the King of Britain. That you thought somebody else could have prevented the fall of England."

"Yes." Saber says. "I wanted to change my legend. It was a supremely selfish thought, disguised as a selfless one. I kept telling myself I just wanted to save all of the lives of my people. But, in reality, after ... going through the Kaleidoscope, I realized that I just didn't want the burden on myself anymore. On my soul."

"Archer ..." Shirou starts. "Archer felt something similar." He can remember Archer, in bits and pieces, killing as many lives as possible to save so many more, and how it chipped away at his heart, leaving emptiness and self-loathing. 

"The difference, Shirou, is that while you have some of Archer's memories, he was just a possibility. Just one, or a few. He isn't you. You didn't do those things. But I did." Saber's mouth sets into a hard line. "And I was willing to change fate and potentially alter time and countless lives just to feel better about myself. It was pathetic. I was pathetic."

"Saber --" Then Shirou realizes it. "Saber ... what did _he_ do?"

"You mean, Zelretch?"

"Yeah." Shirou braces himself, taking his hands out of his pockets and gripping the beam in front of him. "I know he's the one that sends you and Tohsaka to different worlds. Different alternate timelines and places. What." His voice grows firm. "What. Did. He. Do."

Saber closes her eyes. "At first, Rin and I were sent together to different planes. We were searching for some Celtic Mystic Codes and Noble Phantasms. Sometimes, Rin would go to pick up a fragment of lore, or some artifact we couldn't find here. But then, after a while, Zelretch began to randomly send us to other realms on our own. Sometimes we had missives. Sometimes, we had to figure them out for themselves. There are some, to this day, that I still can't figure out: if they were even lessons at all." Saber shakes her head, the sunset glinting off of her pale blonde hair. "You know about the time I faced Gilgamesh, from what I gathered. And that ... other version of you. 

"But then he sent me to Camelot." 

 The King of Knights braces against the bridge guard rail. She is hunched over and tensed. Shirou wants to go closer to her, but he doesn't want to interrupt her. Not now.

"He made a point of sending me to different versions of Camelot. In one, I was never born. My father Uther died and Britain was never unified. It was a constant civil war without end. No one took up Caliburn from the Stone. There were no tales of knights or merit. It was a dark and ugly existence, like the wars Kiritsugu talked about in the Fourth War: iron, and filth, and pain and nothing to aspire to. There was no Camelot in that world. No Knights of the Round. Nothing.

"There was another version of that timeline where I never became King, but Morgana was born and she found that version of me ... changed me for her benefit ... and created Mordred. She ruled a Camelot of fear, secrecy, and lies before Mordred stabbed her in the back, and became a warlord. There were different factions and order fell apart. Of course, there was another Camelot where Mordred was born in a similar way and she managed to pull out Caliburn. She created a Camelot based on the survival of the strong, a meritocracy of power, ruthlessness, and brutality. It lasted even less than Morgana's regime of dark manipulations. 

"There were others ruled by various barons and warlords trying to make themselves king. Some of my own Knights were king, and they did some good but most of their kingdoms barely lasted a year." Saber says. "The most promising was Lancelot's kingship. The people were rallied to his side by his blessing from the Lady of the Lake, and his wielding of Arondight. He was married to Guinevere and her knowledge of politics matched his experience with war. But Lancelot was never a politician, and he believed in doing what was right ... without looking at the longer term consequences of his actions. Sometimes, after that, the Franks had Britain, or other kingdoms. There was even a Roman Empire that still held the Islands, ruled by tyrants and madmen. 

"But by far the worst one." Saber continues in a low voice. "The worst one was the one where I got my wish on the Grail. I asked for someone worthier than myself to become the King of Camelot. And, when I came to that world, I saw who it was." Saber looks at Shirou, her eyes deep and haunted. "It was me. It was me when ... I was corrupted by the Grail. I realized, even more so then, why Kiritsugu had me destroy the Grail. I ..."

Saber begins to shudder. Shirou immediately has his arm around her. Saber forgets all decorum. She presses herself into his chest and cries. "H-he ... Merlin was there. He was ... he broken. And old. He told me he knew I was from another timeline. He asked me why I did this ... Why did I give up on everything and everyone ..."

"I'll kill him." Shirou says, quietly.

Saber seems to remember herself. She moves away from Shirou, still holding him, but now in arm's length. "S-Shirou ..."

"How dare he." Shirou growls, feeling a cold fury move up his chest. "He knew what happened to you. How dare he do something like that to anyone? Who does Zelretch think he is? Some kind of god? Playing with people's feelings. I'll kill him." He repeats. "I will hunt him down and ..."

"You'll do no such thing." 

Saber's eyes are keen slivers of jade. They are filled with determination. "Shirou." She puts both her hands on his shoulders. Her face softens, and somehow it makes his body relax. "Don't misunderstand. I appreciate the sentiment. Rin felt the same way and even she didn't ... doesn't know about a lot of this, not clearly anyway I would imagine. But Zelretch made a point." She breathes out. "I was already punishing myself. I thought I was unworthy. I thought I was flawed. I resented myself for not being perfect. And Zelretch showed me ... that if I had gotten my wish, through the Grail, or through fate, it would have all been worse. I realized that, I did the best I could. And something, not everything, but something settled inside of me. I already had my quests with Rin, and after going through each timeline in Britain, I realized there was nothing else I could do. I just ... I had to accept it. It happened." She tells him. "Just as I have to accept what I did here, under Avenger. And do better." 

Shirou marvels at the look on Saber's face. It's soaked with tears, but the waning light of the sky makes her face a mask of pinks and golds and orange. A keen pang stabs through Shirou's being as he regards her and her deep, viridian eyes. 

"Shirou." She says. "I'm sorry I left you. And I know finding me with Rin must have been difficult ..."

"Knowing I was with Sakura and Rider must have been strange too." Shirou murmurs. 

Saber nods. "I didn't want to leave you. Again. I had to face this darkness in me. I needed to be worthy of you again."

Shirou reaches out and cups Saber's face. He marvels at how she doesn't move, but then slowly eases into his palm. "Saber. I was the unworthy one. And that me you met ... he was right. He really didn't deserve you. Neither of us do." 

Saber places both of her hands around Shirou's own. "That is not for you to solely decide."

"I heard you, you know." Shirou whispers in a hoarse voice.

Saber looks up at Shirou. It occurs to him now that he is so much taller than she is. "Heard me?"

"When ... I was a ..." Shirou chuckles. "A flower. I don't remember it fully, but I do know ... I could feel you there. I could feel you, and I knew you were coming back. I never doubted that."

Saber gives Shirou a watery smile. It is one of the most human expressions she has ever shared with him. 

"Saber." Shirou's voice quavers. "I am so proud of you ... I'm so in love with you, it hurts." 

"You've come so far, Emiya Shirou." She tells him. "And I love you too." 

Saber wraps her arms around Shirou's shoulders and pulls him down, gently bending him forward as close the distance and kiss. Shirou holds her for dear life. It's like the time at Tohsaka Manor, but sweeter, more urgent. Saber clings to him, her smaller but strong body wrapped around his as his arms encircle, and carry her. He thinks about swords again. Swords and their sheathes. By the time the sun sets, they reluctantly separate. 

Shirou puts his hand in Saber's. She picks up the objects she placed on the ground some point in their exchange. They begin walking across the bridge together. Shirou feels much better. He is going to walk her back to Tohsaka's. And he sees the way she clings to the other object in her hand aside from his own. He won that Lion Cub for her at one of the arcades. He already knows that, no matter what, she has yet another piece of him with her. 


	55. Chapter 55

"So Shirou's date went well then?"

Sakura and Rider sit around the table cross-legged, finishing up their dinner. Sakura picks at one of her sushi rolls with some chopsticks, feeling tired. She looks up and smiles at Rider.

"Yes. Senpai and Saber are meeting again today. Apparently, Saber's going to spar with him again. To keep up his strength."

"I'm sure she is." 

Sakura smacks Rider on the shoulder. "Rider!" She blushes. "You know Saber's not like that."

Rider nods. "Yes. And it's a pity really. After all her moping, some actual _swordplay_ might do her, and the boy, some good." 

Sakura rolls her eyes. "You know, Rider ... you can't always ride it out." 

Rider's eyes widen beneath her lenses. Then she laughs. It is a tinkling, crystalline sound but it resonates with something deeper: something feral and wild. Sakura feels herself tingle at the sound. She wonders just how it is that genuine amusement from her Servant actually manages to both turn her on, and fall in love with her every time it happens. 

"You are definitely spending a lot of time with your sister."

"Don't change the subject." Sakura says, finding herself unconsciously imitating Rin's snappish tone, then looking down, and then chuckling with Rider. "You will be seeing her soon enough. Did you find what you were looking for at that store?"

Rider smiles faintly. "Yes. I believe I found the ... right instrument for the task at hand."

Sakura's eyes narrow. "Is that so?" She considers her next question. "Then what were you doing those days Neesan, Senpai, and the rest of us were busy with the experiments?"

"There was another implement that I needed to purchase." Rider shrugs. 

"Hm." Sakura sees the teasing smirk on the other woman's face. "Are these tools anything like the ones we have been using to ... conduct experiments since Senpai's treatments?"

"Now now Sakura." Rider gently chides her, waggling a finger in front of her nose. "Do you really want me to violate the sanctity of your sister's Mysteries?" 

Sakura's nose crinkles, at the comments about her sister, and her imitating her own finger waggling. "You are really terrible, Rider. You know that, right?" 

"Perhaps." Rider says. "I mean, I share Shirou's Mysteries with you all the time, but he tends to be more ... open with them."

"See, now you're just being mean." Sakura sticks her tongue out at her, earning only another smirk in return, her legs squirming under her. 

"You really miss his Mysteries, don't you."

Sakura looks into Rider's pale violet gaze, and then glances back at her food. She exhales slowly. "You can tell."

"Of course. I mean, I can smell your desire."

"I can't help that." Sakura tells her. "As you already know."

"Your desire for him has a different scent than it does for me." Rider amends. 

 _That is interesting._ Sakura quirks one eyebrow at her Servant. "Is that so?"

"Just so." 

Sakura is now definitely curious. "How ... is it different?"

"Hmm." Rider ponders. "An interesting question. I suppose it's ... similar to how you are attracted to men and women."

"The last time I checked, you are as well." Sakura feels the need to point out to her.

"No." Rider says. "I feed. But I am actually attracted to a very select few, whatever their bodies are like. When I sense your desire, or smell it, or ... taste it." Sakura has to resist a shudder seeing the tip of Rider's tongue slide across her lips. "It has a different sense. Perhaps an aura? Whatever it is, it definitely feels different when you desire Shirou ... or the both of us."

"Uh ... huh ..." Sakura replies, her thoughts going elsewhere.

"Such as right now, for instance."

She slaps Rider harder on the shoulder this time, but without much vehemence behind it. "You _know_ how frustrated I've been lately, Rider." 

Rider lays her hand on Sakura's thigh. "Maybe you should call the boy back tomorrow. The last time you spent together was when he visited with his sister."

Sakura remembers that well. When Shirou said he was coming to visit, to show Illya around the house he and their father lived in, she wasn't going to turn them away. And she definitely wasn't going to kick them out of the house, technically Shirou's house, after dinner. Illya stayed in a guestroom and Rider gave them space as Shirou mounted her that night and she released concentric rings of frustration around him. She recalls, very fondly, that after he absorbed her prana he left her something to remember him by a few times that night. Whatever those treatments were, they were definitely not impeding her Senpai's libido. If anything, his drive seemed to be higher at the time, and she wouldn't have had it any other way. Perhaps their time apart made their lovemaking even more urgent, and fairly therapeutic in her own opinion. 

Rider gives her another smile. Sakura shakes her head as she knows the other can sense that thought she incited. It makes her remember herself. "No. Senpai gave us this time to ourselves."

"Except for that one night."

"Yes. Except for the one night." Sakura rolls her eyes again. 

"He will have to make it up to me at some point."

"I'm sure he will, Rider." Sakura can't help but giggle a bit. "But even then it's been different, you know? I mean, we had been taking care of Senpai for a while. Even before we moved back here. It's different taking care of someone, even when ... we are intimate, than it is to have someone visit who can actually take care of themselves again. And we both needed some time together, outside of the experiments and spending time with Neesan."

Rider nods, putting an arm around her. Sakura relaxes into her shoulder, leaning her head against her. 

"I forget how tall you are sometimes." Sakura murmurs.

Rider stiffens a bit. Sakura knows that she's particular about her height. And perhaps that comment was a little mean, but Rider had been doing worse to her this entire time. 

"You know." Rider says. "Mysteries are a double entendre. Because I can tell you for a fact that Rin does not know what I'm bringing."

"She may have some idea." Sakura giggles. "And aren't you supposed to be helping her with a Bounded Field experiment?"

"Someone might be bound that night, it's true."

"Please. Spare me." Sakura groans.

"Are you sure you are all right?" Rider says after a time. "I mean, the other day you ran into Shirou and Saber and now I'm going to be visiting your sister for some ... experimentation ..."

"With emphasis on the repetition part of the scientific method, right?" Sakura thinks about saying something with regards to observers and participants, but she shakes her head. "No. Between us, we convinced Taiga that Senpai's was showing his father's old friend around the city. I'm glad I was there with her, because Senpai's stories still need work. It ... doesn't bother me that he's seeing her. I have a feeling they will be ... much closer soon. And I don't have an issue with you and Neesan's experimentations ..." She shakes her head. "No. But I will admit ... seeing him with her ... and knowing you will be with Neesan does ... somewhat ... _bother_ me a bit ..." 

Rider looks down at Sakura's face. "Is that so."

"Well, you've probably been able to smell it for a few days now."

"It really does it for you. Doesn't it." Rider traces her hand up Sakura's thigh. 

This time, Sakura doesn't repress the shudder. "I ... like it when those I love are happy."

"Hmm." Rider begins to lower herself down. She stretches out a long leg, and moves the table out of the way with her foot. Sakura feels her tongue and lips trail down her neck. "You know. I am still yours. And we still have tonight ..." She moves in front of Sakura and gently moves her legs apart. "And I think ..." She reaches past Sakura's goose-pimpled thighs and up her skirt. "I need some prana." She gently rolls Sakura's damp panties down. " _Master_." 

"Mmm ..." Sakura feels herself moan as her Servant crawls between her legs, spreading her out with her hands, and roaming her tongue around her opening. "Yes ..." She gasps, as RIder's swirling tongue and lips engulf her clitoris. "Rider ... I think it is time for some dessert." 


	56. Chapter 56

Despite what she told Sakura yesterday, Rider knew that Rin wasn't exactly unprepared for what was about to happen this evening. 

They sit on the couch in the Tohsaka Head's Workshop. Rider recalls coming to the door of the house, and even though she had already been a guest at the Manor, and the two of them had bantered back and forth these past couple of months between here and the boy's home, Tohsaka Rin had been oddly quiet: even polite when she opened the door, and invited her inside. 

Rider and Rin had talked about this to some extent after gaining Sakura's approval. Both sisters reminded her that she had to either respectfully ask permission to enter a magus' Workshop, or wait for it. Rider understood this, but she decided to be particularly cruel ... and make the girl offer her permission first. She remembers the tense silence, and the smell of sweat, and growing pheromones. Then the girl's face turned that delicious shade of red that matched her family colours, and invited her into the Workshop. It wasn't like when she came to the boy. He had already had his Workshop open to his guests: which had its own appeal in its intrinsic resonance of trust and idealism. The girl, on the other hand, had veils of protection around her Workshop and Mysteries. Only those that she needed, or trusted were allowed into her inner sanctum. Rider had been down there before, with the others, but obviously this was different: despite Rin's attempt in leading their current, somewhat one-sided, conversation.

"This is not our family's original Workshop." The girl admits after having a sip of her father's wine. "That was destroyed back in the Third War. It's true that it's on the same site and that is why I call it our ancestral Workshop, but obviously ... well, if it had survived, we wouldn't have had to rely on the Matou's library to figure out what happened during the Third War and Avenger. All of that knowledge was lost when, well ... the Grail was going to manifest in our Estate--"

The stammering and rambling are cute. They suit the girl more than her less successful attempts at stoicism. But Rider remembers that she came here to do something. She didn't go shopping those times the others worked just to hear Tohsaka Rin mumble on about her family and their magecraft and traditions. There would be time enough for some of that. Right now, Rider just wants to get to the point. "Do you remember the rules?" She asks, drinking from her own glass of wine, and placing it down on the table.

Rin swallows, and Rider knows it isn't from her beverage. "Yes." She puts her own glass down. She has a lovely flush forming on her cheeks and the bridge of her nose. "I'm not as familiar with ancient Greek thaumaturgy, so we will have to play it out ..." She must have seen the smile quirk at the corners of her lips as she shakes her head in irritation. "You don't even have to say anything, and you still sound like a smart-ass."

"I will allow that once." Rider says, her stare boring itself into Rin's eyes.

"You will ..." Rin blinks. " _Allow_? Excuse me?"

"The ritual hasn't begun yet." Rider continues, amused at the sudden indignation emanating off of the girl in waves of body heat. "So yes. I will."

"I ..." Rin glowers at her. "I invited you into  _my_  sanctum. This is  _my_  domain. What we do here is by my choice and for the purposes of experimentation."

"Of course." Rider replies, looking over the side of the couch to check her bags.  _Everything does seem to be in place_. "Though you'd think did that already on your missions. And with Saber."

"That's  _not_  funny!" Rin growls, but her gaze is on her hands as she sorts through the bags. 

"Hm. You are correct." Rider replies. "I think we will be dealing less with an experiment and more with a ... working theory." 

"I ..." Rin shakes her head and points at her. " _You_  are the only one here that can create a Bounded Field almost on the level of a Reality Marble. This is some serious work. I need to ... know what it looks like so I can bridge that gap between Shirou's inner world, and imprinted outward into a whole new state of existence."

"Well, at least  _one_  of my implements could help you with that. But the boy isn't here tonight for you to use it on ... to, how do you put it ... make his internal world become externalized?" 

"You ..."

This time, Rider lets herself smirk. This is good. She likes it when Rin gets worked up. She was concerned that the girl was becoming timid. For all she proclaims worldly knowledge, Rider suspects that there are some aspects of that understanding that are still theoretical. And she will need all of that indignant passion to deal with what happens next. Besides, Rider isn't in the mood for dealing with passivity tonight.

"I am going to get changed." Rider says, picking up the bags. "Wait here, and think more about the rules."

 _And if you can handle this_ ,  _little girl,_ is the unspoken insinuation. Rider hears Rin continue to splutter behind her, scrambling for some kind of retort as she finds the washroom and closes the door behind her. She begins to take off her clothing. It's true that she could just materialize her Servant's attire, but letting Rin stay outside and wait seems somehow more fitting. She doesn't even have to imagine the other's anticipation, as she can smell it: like a fine wine with a chaser of youthful anxiety. Rider takes her time. She puts her jeans, her sweater, her socks, and her panties in one of the bags. 

She looks at herself in the mirror. It is an irony that doesn't escape her. Sometimes, even back when she was a monster, Rider considers the contrast between herself and Narcissus. She was, as mortals pointed out, an epitome of beauty. However, while Narcissus lost himself in his own beauty, drowning in it, Rider recalls the myths about her: about being destroyed by her own ugliness ... though she remembers it differently. Perseus used his mirror shield to keep his mind, to keep his gaze away from hers. The fact that he used his Kibisis Noble Phantasm to reflect her own worst nightmare -- that of seeing her beautiful, loving sisters long consumed by her anger and hunger -- back at her, reminding her of what she lost by her own hand, added to her aversion to reflective surfaces. Narcissus fell to the image he had of himself, to his lack of self-awareness, while Medusa let herself die seeing what she used to be through her sisters: the return of her self-awareness destroying her in her monstrous state. 

It's one of the reasons she and Sakura know each other so well. This beauty, that many in this era told her is comparable to that of a goddess, stings in ways much similar to how self-conscious she gets about her height. Her whole life, Rider stood out: and it caused her almost nothing but pain. But the enchanted reflective lenses in her glasses allowed her to look at the world without fear of turning it into stone. She could look into Sakura's eyes when they made love, into Shirou's when she rode him and he held her in his arms,, even when he complimented her on them and made her embarrassed ... and they were all thanks to that girl waiting for her in the other room. Rider will never forget that. 

Rider wills her Servant's attire onto her form, except for the mask. Then she reaches down into the other bag, and looks at its contents. She decides to put the harness on her first: wrapping it around her body suit. But she doesn't complete the rest of it. Not yet.

She leaves the washroom with that bag and finds Rin outside. The girl has not been idle. She is drawing different symbols into a red circle on the floor. Upon closer inspection, Rider sees they are in an ancient Achaian variant. Rin looks up as Rider approaches. The Servant is fairly sure that something inside the girl's head has just exploded. Her thigh high boots and leggings, her arm length glove-sleeves, the slinky black dress attire, and her purple collar are very reminiscent of the latex or PVC fetish attire that she knows has an effect on certain individuals. In fact, not only does Rider know this, but she has counted on it many times. Most of the time, when she hasn't been at Sakura's side, or the boy has been away, when she has visited others she's never ever had to take her attire off. 

"Um ..." Rin's face is that adorable red whose suffused blood she can hear pumping at an accelerated rate. "Wow." 

"You've seen this before." Rider comments, walking back and forth, placing her bag down outside of the circle.

"Yes, but ..." Rin shakes her head. Rider is pretty sure the girl has to keep herself from openly salivating. "I'm almost finished with the ritual circle."

Rider inclines her head to one side. "I thought you said you weren't as familiar with ancient Achaian thaumaturgy?"

This gives Rin a chance to stop drooling. "I said I wasn't as familiar. I didn't say that I ... didn't know anything. It is relatively easy to convert some of the language." Rin bends down to finish another symbol. "Besides, I met Caster properly in one of our adventures. I'm ... glad Saber took care of her earlier on in our timeline."

Rider nods. She remembers the magi of her time, by comparison to those in this era. For all of Sakura, and even Rin's, powers they didn't have the ability to use Divine Words. According to Sakura, and her own lessons from Rin, most magecraft these days comes from Magic Circuits: from the body, or formalcraft rituals. Back in her time, being a divine being herself, Rider knows that language itself could be derived from the gods and other powerful entities. 

"Yeah. I know she used Divine Words, and some ancient Achaian symbology is almost like that." Rin murmurs. "But the Art is mostly lost. I mean, it's similar to the Unified Language, that of Babel. There are still some speakers of it left. Not me, though." She sighs in annoyance. "It's older than Divine Words, but it doesn't affect the elements. Still, it can tap into a greater mental state, a stronger form of telepathy or hypnotism which could have been useful if I wanted to retain what I see in your Field ... though it is a spoken language ... Huh. Come to think of it, I think aside from some of the Greek alphabet, Divine Words are also oral-based ..."

"This can still be an oral ritual." Rider smoothly cuts in. Gods, Rin really is nervous to ramble like this. "If we can get to the point."

 Her words are as effective as the Unified Language. Rin's heart is beating faster. The girl finishes the last word and gets up. Rider can't particularly lie to herself. Just as the girl bent down, she can't help but admire the view as she comes back up again. 

"Right." Rin's face attempts to become impassive, all business-like and professional. The mask of a magus. "We talked about the chakras. About ... blood."

Rider knows Rin can see her lick her lips. "And you know the rest."

"I ..." Rin sighs. "I did say I ..." She looks away. "I need to be bound."

"Like Odysseus, being able to hear and see the beautiful agony of the Sirens' song." 

"You know." Rin says. "I almost liked it better when you didn't really talk." 

"No." Rider replies, walking closer to the magus, staring her down with her pale violet eyes. "That's not true at all. I think you like it when I talk to you. Like this."

They stand in the circle as Rider leans forward, and kisses Rin. The girl jolts. She clearly didn't expect that, even though Rider had telegraphed this intent the entire time, and so did Rin if she had actually been paying attention to herself. Rin tastes like the seasons of the world, or an ancient libation. Some of that might have had to do with the wine she drank, but it seems to be more like her own unique flavour. Slowly, she feels the other melt. Rider holds her up. Then, lingeringly, Rider removes her lips from Rin's. The other's tongue comes out to reach for hers as she lets go of the girl.

"You forgot one more thing." Rider tells her, holding both of her shoulders with her hands to keep her from potentially falling over into her own mystical circle.

"Ha- wha ..." Rin's mouth is agape for a few moments. Rider gives her some time. Finally, the magus shakes her head. "Y-yeah. That you're a monster and I ... should have really seen that coming?"

Rider leans forward again and picks up Rin's chin with her thumb and index finger. She makes her look at her. "No." She comes in close, her mouth almost touching the other's lips. "If it becomes too much for you, you know the word, correct?"

Rin looks at her lips. "Yes." She says, her tone absent. "Aegis."

Rider nods and moves away from Rin's face, letting go of her chin. "Good. Now strip."

Rin opens her mouth again, but closes it. "Right. I want you to take your ... time. Remember the points. On the body."

Rider watches as Rin begins to undress. She finds the girl's demeanor hilarious. She must have known that she would be nothing like Saber. Saber had not been with anyone during her era as King, and certainly not comfortably so. Rider already suspected that Rin had seduced the King of Knights. It's true that of the two of them, Rin had been the more experienced one. And, when she was alive on the Shapeless Isle, Rider would have been less experienced: save in the art of inflicting pain, and consumption. But in this era, with Sakura and ... others, including the boy, and along with her previous talents Rin is practically a novice. And she knows it. But that is all right. Rider can work with that. 

And Rider has to admit, she has no complaints. She recalls the first time she saw Rin with her new glasses. Rin is willowy. Her skin is pale and supple. She is smooth. And she's undone her hair. Her dark hair hangs down. Somehow, it makes the Tohsaka magus look both older, and young at the same time. Her breasts are smaller than her sister's, that much is something Rider had already seen. But without her clothes, she sees how pert and petite they are. She is slim, but also lean. Rider can see her toned abdomen, and her strong leg and calf muscles: perfectly in keeping with her martial arts practices. Her arm muscles are similar: slight, but strong. And her scent is a lot like the taste of her mouth and tongue. It is definitely a part of her. It smells of the wind, and rain, fire and the soil in this ancestral basement. 

Rider walks forward again. The pupils in Rin's eyes are dilated. She gently puts both hands on both sides of her head, and kisses her again. This time, she can feel Rin's legs become practically boneless. Rider moves on hand to the small of the girl's back and helps her to lie down. She crawls on top of her, pinning her wrists down above her head, spreading them out on either side of her. She uses her knees, which can already feel the girl's dampness, to spread out her legs. She removes her lips from the girl's, and begins nibbling at her neck even as she summons her chain into her hands. Slowly, and carefully, she extends the chains, unseen by any except for her, and wraps the Tohsaka's arms and legs in their loops. She takes the dagger they are attached to and keeps it on her harness. There is plenty of chain. While it isn't one of her Noble Phantasms, its properties will allow for that length, and she isn't going to tighten their hold on the girl. Not yet. 

Rin is murmuring and moaning, softly, as Rider's deft mouth, teeth, and fingers complete their work. Rider nods to herself, slowly extracting her mouth and body weight from Rin, as she walks over to her bag and brings out the first tool. The girl blinks up from where she lies on the floor. Rider knows she can feel the weight and cool texture of the chain links on her skin. 

"I ..." Rin grunts. "I've seen something like those before."

"That is funny." Rider replies, running the implement across her exposed palm, feeling the pinpricks of its spikes prickle her skin. "The ones that sold them to me said that they are obsolete medical instruments."

"To conduct ... neurological tests." Rin says. "A Wartenberg pinwheel. Made in the late nineteenth century. Magi still use them ..."

"Amongst other subcultures." Rider comes back and leans down over Rin until she rests on her knees. She lets her see it. It is one of the larger specimens. It is a flat circular piece of metal with spread out elongated spikes: set to rotate on a curved metal stem.

"Huh ..." Rin says dreamily. "It looks like a cookie cutter."

Rider smiles. She runs the spokes of the wheel lightly across Rin's cheek. The Servant smiles as the girl shudders. She turns it down the side of Rin's jaw. Rider watches as the girl trembles a bit. When she glides it down the back of Rin's forearm, she sees goosebumps on her skin rising like mystical braille. And this is when she realizes it is time to really begin.

"When my sisters and I lived on the Shapeless Isle," Rider says, moving the pinwheel away from Rin's arm and placing it at the tip of her head: right on her crown. At this, Rin breathes in through her mouth, and out in a practiced, but visceral action. 

"I guarded them with two seals. One was the Outer Seal." She rolls the wheel down, spoke by spoke to Rin's forehead: at the point where her third eye would be. "The Blood Temple. I consumed many intruders there. You know the Blood Temple. You've seen it." Rider grips the stem of the pinwheel, digging one of the spokes into the outer part of the girl's forehead, drawing forth a small trickle of blood. "Blood Fort Andromeda."

Rider leans forward and presses her lips against the cut, moving the wheel lightly down to rest on the bridge of Rin's nose. She licks the tip of the shallow wound, and tastes her blood. She feels a flash of heat enter into her core. Rin shudders, attempting to keep her own core in check. It is part of the Tantric rites in which she told Rider that she had trained herself. Perhaps it is the memory of being trapped in that field that also moves her: the fear of it, and the knowledge that even now Rider could call it down on her, and there is not much she can genuinely do about it. 

"But," Rider says, moving the pinwheel down Rin's face vertically, past her parted lips, her chin, and down her neck. "Even though the Temple was large, even when I let it consume me and my sisters, and its seals were spread across the Isle, it was only part of it. The body. Made from my blood." Rin gasps as one of the spikes penetrates the skin of her throat. Rider moves it away down to the girl's breastbone and trails her tongue down the wound, gently sucking on it with her lips. She can practically feel Rin's toes curling. 

"There is another part to the Temple." Rider whispers, as she roams her free hand down part of Rin's breastbone and lightly brushing against one of her breasts, at her nipple. She trails the pinwheel down with her other hand, right above the left part of her chest. "Its heart." 

Rider leaves another cut just above the pulsing beat in Rin's chest. This time, when she keeps moving the pinwheel down, she tweaks one of Rin's nipples lightly, and closes her mouth around the cut with the sharp points of her teeth. "Mmm." She holds Rin down as the other begins to shake. Rider strokes her chest and her arms. She feels her breathing. She is still controlling her breathing as she promised. This is good. Because, right now, it will be hard to turn back. 

"The heart of the Temple of Blood is the second seal. The Self Seal." Rider trails her finger nails and the pinwheel down the girl's ribs, right to the supple muscles of her upper abdomen. "The Blood consumed hundreds. But this place is my soul. It is rejection reflected inward on itself. It is the nightmares of many becoming my own, just as the dreams of others should have been mine as well. I shared this dark dream with many. With myself. With one other person each time. We became trapped together."

She pierces the skin at the abdomen. And then moves the pinwheel away to suckle at the tear in the girl's skin. Rin moans. Rider begins to see the blue-green light of her Magic Circuits flaring. The Tohsaka Magic Crest on her arm glows as well. She is accessing her power, hypnotizing herself, letting Rider mesmerize her. 

"This is the Temple of Darkness." Rider murmurs. "Desires and pain combine. It is a primordial place. Even the boy has seen flashes of it. Look at me, Tohsaka Rin." She commands, suddenly: her voice still quiet but firm. "If you want to understand my world, the inner sanctum, the Temple of Darkness inside the Blood Temple, you will be as blind as Tiresias but you will need to ride it out and face the monster like Odysseus did." She trails her hand and tool down Rin's lower abdomen. "If you want to see further, or if you just want to turn back remember the word. Remember Aegis." 

One of Rin's eyes opens just a crack to reveal an azure sliver of awareness. She is soaked in sweat and minor smudges of red. Her skin literally glows with her Od. She opens her mouth. "Y-yes." Rin croaks. "S-show me, Rider. Show me the dark." 

Rider moves up and kisses Rin. The girl kisses her back. Rider worries the lower lip of the girl with the tips of her teeth, the mere hint of fangs. She moves away, leaving Rin gasping, filled with her own power above the soil of her ancestors in the circle that she has inscribed. Rider moves towards the bag to retrieve two more items. Before she does, she wipes off the Wartenberg pinwheel with a cloth and leaves it on the ground to clean later. Then she, takes off her glasses, folds the stems, and puts them away into the bag. 

"Rider. Why did you ..."

Rider immediately summons the mask to her eyes and looks over at Rin. "It is because it is easier for me to use my power on myself, first. Before I draw you in. Besides." She smirks. "Not being able to see increases your other senses. And I want to feel this. As you will too." 

She takes out the blindfold first and places it down. After, she takes out a small bottle. Then, she takes out the other implement. Even though she can't see Rin anymore, she can feel her eyes bulging. 

"W-wait ..." Rin says. "Are you ... are you really ..."

"We did talk about this." Rider says. "It shouldn't be too much of a surprise." 

"I ..." Rider can hear Rin moving her head away. "I know. It's just so ... ugh. I feel suddenly really stereotypical now, for some reason. But honestly? A basilisk?"

Rider attaches the phallus, shaped like a glaring serpent's head onto the harness around her groin. "We don't have to do this, you know."

"Bah ..." Rin groans. "It's too damned late for that. The power is running through me."

"No." Rider says. "It's not too late. We don't need to do this if you don't want to."

There is nothing judgmental in her tone. Rider knows this. They had just talked about these matters over the phone at times, or casually when they were out. Rider knows, based on some of the books she read from Sakura's collection, given to her by Rin of all people, that this part of the ritual could be done without this implement. A yonic power instead of a phallic one. Yin instead of Yang. Principles can still be substituted, and energy can catalyze a similar place. 

"No." Rin sighs. "I'm more ... well. I know how much you ... well, hate thinking about the past ..."

"I have already been telling you much about it, now." Rider says. "I have already been letting you in. The truth is: a part of me will always be a monster. You know why I might have chosen this particular image to use."

And she knows that the girl does. A basilisk is a great serpent, a Phantasmal Beast, that petrifies its prey with its eyes. Rider never forgets what she's done, and who she was, and who she is now. By showing Rin this, by attaching to her, she is sharing it with her: this part of her. She wants let Rin in. She wants Rin to let her in, in this way. That is part of the Blood Temple and the Temple of Darkness. She is a Gorgon. She was Medusa. Rider feels vulnerable now. 

"Rider." The Servant hears the girl's voice. There is a tone to it that she hasn't really heard the entire night. It is a firmness. A steel in velvet. "I understand. And well ..." Her breaths become shaky. "I really ... do want it in me. And ... you in me."

Rider nods. Somehow the muscles in her shoulders had tensed up at some point because she feels them relax. She finishes attaching the basilisk phallus onto the harness. Her core is flaring. She can already sense that Rin is wet. 

"Rider ... you look ... you look so ... hot." There is a pause. "But ... really? Really?"

Rider laughs. She can't help it. "You don't like the blindfold?"

"It's ... it's a pink _Hello Kitty_ Blindfold!" 

"Yes."

"Why?"

"That one ..." Rider smiles. "That one is just for fun." 

"Rider ..." Rin growls. "I swear ... if I weren't so fucking aroused right now, I would slap you so hard ..." 

"I believe that's my job, girl, in this dynamic." 

Rin splutters, but it is half-hearted as Rider glides behind her and wraps the blindfold around her head. Now, they match. Neither of them can see the other. She lies down in back of her, lifting her up slightly. Her hands trace the indentations in Rin's flesh from behind her. She traces them down. They had talked about this aspect beforehand. Rin explained it as something of a makeshift Qliphoth, the reverse of the Kabbalah Tree of Life, except applied to accessing and activating the Seven Indian Chakras through breathing. It might have had another name, or other variants, but Rin composed this one from their discussions. Personally, if anyone asked Rider, which no one really did, she believed that Rin just wanted some mystical foreplay and being penetrated from behind by a beautiful woman. 

The girl is sopping wet as she spreads her buttocks, bending her down as she kissed and nibbles and bites down her neck and shoulders: lodging her teeth lightly on her collarbone. Rider isn't unprepared. She reaches down and picks up the bottle: a container of lubrication. She squeezes it on the phallus and rubs it. The heat in her belly is stirring. She wonders if this is what a man feels. She recalls being more than just a humanoid form as well: an amalgam of pain and pleasure on the Island -- of blind hunger and desire -- before she was struck down. She lets that memory flow into her now. 

"Let the dark heart of me enter you, girl." Rider hisses as she firmly slides the phallus into Rin's pussy. 

Rin cries out. Rider holds her in place, gently but firm: making sure not to use her full strength on her. The girl shakes as the length of the basilisk image penetrates her. It moves in slowly, spreading, stretching ... 

"Oh ... god ..." Rin moans. 

Rider moves back and forth inside of Rin, bucking her hips, wrapping her chains around the both of them. She can hear how wet Rin has become. A sloshing, almost obscene, fills the room as Rider takes her. Rin is burning with Od now. Her Crest flares with heat from her arm. Rider takes one hand and reaches around, finding Rin's clitoris and rubbing its hood between her fingers. The girl hisses, bucking against her harder and faster. Now is the time. 

With her other hand, her fingers becoming claws, Rider finds the lower part of Rin's spine near her rectum and presses down. 

"The Temple of Darkness. The Self Seal." Rider intones, knowing that Rin can't see anything, but can feel all of it. "Breaker Gorgon."

Rin screams.

_The darkness somehow grows. It becomes vast and filled with shades of luminous blue and womb-like red. Rider feels herself growing. She is everywhere here. Down the corridors of her mind, all of her pains, all of her sorrows, and rare joys. They become like tendrils, exploring, penetrating, gliding, swimming through blood and liquid, crawling up floors and ceilings, becoming everything. And Rin is in the middle of it. All of her orifices are covered and filled. Rider feels the girl cum. She feels her cum again. Her mouth makes her cum. Her hands. Her tendrils. Everything. And Rider drinks her. She feels her Od. And she feels the girl's gaze everywhere. She isn't drinking too much of her. She has that much self-control. But she feels the roots of the soil in another world that they've left united by centuries of other magi. The boy had been all fire and steel, and a core of peace ... and Sakura, when she did, was shade and soothing water, and the power to break her spirit with her spasms. But Rin is layers. And she is realization._

_"Rider ... the corridors ... the place of blood... the stairs, and the windows. Your sisters ... the Island ... it's all you. You're everything. You are not alone. But ... you are so lonely."_

_"We are all alone even when we are together. But sometimes, it is solitude." She tells Rin through her mind without words, her tongues, fangs, claws, and serpents all over and in her. "And sometimes you can share the solitude, and the quiet before the spasm where time is suspended ... with one other soul. I thought this was my own punishment." Distantly, she feels her body suspend her and Rin together, from the ceiling, from the rafters, climbing on her body like a spider, removing her phallus and putting it in her again facing her above. "But now ..."_

_"You enfold. You preserve. You cherish both the horror, and the good. Making it immortal. You share this with me ... why isn't this a Reality Marble ..."_

_"I won't share this with anyone else. Only those that come to me. Only those that want to die. Only those that, perhaps, can understand ..."_

_"Rider ... RIDER ... **RIDER** ... _ **RIDER** _..."_

_The orgasm, the multiverse of tendrils writhes and releases knots that neither knew were there. And then they are thrown back from the inner sanctum of the intimate debauchery of the Temple of Blood, from the heart of Darkness ..._

Rin screams as Rider growls, the phallus grinding again against her own clitoris. Their orgasms reach their peak and intermingle. Rider's teeth bite down around Rin's mouth as the girl's muffled screams exhale into her. They clutch each other, surrounded by Rider's chains. Then, after a while, their spasms stop. Rin is clutching her for dear life. Rider relaxes and feels herself wrap her arms around the girl, holding her. Rin starts to sob. Rider gently lowers them from the rafters and they come to rest on the ground. Rin buries her face in Rider's skin. Rider strokes Rin's hair. She doesn't take this personally. It was intense. All of it. It felt different this time as well. Rin had seen something in there, in her, in the Bounded Field of her. A thrum of power pulsates through Rider's core. She has fed. 

She holds Rin until the other relaxes. Then she realizes that Rin is smiling. She can feel it, under her fingertips, the cloth blindfold still cover the other's eyes. 

"That was ... wow ..." 

"Yes." Rider says.

"I can't even ..." Rin giggles. "You were an entire world for one person. You are one. The way you ... we? Yes. We looked at it. You've never used words to summon the Fields before right? No arias?"

Rider shakes her head. "No. Usually just my blood and some sigils. Or merely invoking the Self Seal is enough. I don't even have to look at the person."

"I think I ...' Rin says. "I see the difference between your Fields and a Reality Marble. And ..." Rider can almost picture Rin blinking. "Did you suspend us from the ceiling?"

"I believe so." Rider replies. 

"Oh." Rin says. "Well, as long as the rafters weren't damaged."

"You have marks all over your body." Rider can't help but smile, proud of her handiwork.

"Oh." Rin giggles like a small child. "That's ok. I have healing magic for that. I ..." Rider feels Rin move and try to move her own blindfold, until she pauses. "Rider." Her voice gets quiet. "Thank you."

"You're welcome Rin." She tells her. "Anytime."

"Well ..." Rin says. "I would like to do this again. But ... maybe not just anytime. I do need to eat and live."

Rider feels Rin nestle against her. "No, Rider. Thank you. I ... I really needed this."

Rider smirks. "I could tell. And, for the record, I am well fed."

"Good to know." Rin murmurs into the other's skin.

"Tell me." Rider says, after a while. "How long do we have until Saber comes back? Sakura will not expect me until later tomorrow."

"The same here." Rin replies. "Saber is seeing Shirou. But something tells me ... she won't be back for a while."

"About time." Rider murmurs.

"No kidding." Rin says. "Those two are so dense. But their hearts are in the right place."

"And we are in an interesting place as well." 

Rider feels Rin smile against her. "I'm getting used to your humour, Rider. If you can get me one of my Gems, the ones I told you about ... I might take you up on some studies about oral culture. If you are up to it, of course."

 _This girl ... asking her if_ she _can handle another round?_ Rider can't help but feel both mortified and heavily amused at the same time. "Very well. I hope that you have enough Gems, Tohsaka Rin." 

 


	57. Chapter 57

"Illyasviel-sama." Sella bows as she enters the foyer looking over the courtyard. "Your guest has arrived."

"Good." Illya says, watching her brother and his Servant dodge and thrust towards each other with their respective blades. She can tell that Saber is still holding back on him with her unseen sword, but her onii-chan moves unpredictably, seemingly randomly with his Projected twin blades. She marvels at how far Shirou has come since the treatments, since his resurrection. It almost takes her mind off of other matters. "Leysritt is seeing her in?"

"Even as we speak, my lady." Sella replies. "Shall we bring her to the sitting room? Or ..."

"Hm." Illya taps her cheek thoughtfully. "No. She's gotten this far. She probably won't be surprised by anything she might see here. Besides, I want to see what she does first." She turns to Sella. "She did ask about my brother specifically?" 

"Yes, Illyasviel-sama."

 "It was only a matter of time. I'll have to have some words with Rin later." Illya sighs. "Very well. Bring her here." 

Sella bows again and walks behind them, opening the door. It doesn't take too long. Illya reclines in her sit, her short legs kicking out in front of her in a way Sella would have disapproved as very unladylike. Leysritt comes in, with her large halberd in hand. Illya nods in approval. Following the homunculus maid is a young woman. She wears a frilled blue and white dress: almost a more ostentatious version of Saber's clothing. Her hair, through divided into two ponytails, is practically a golden orange mane of fine ringlets. Brown eyes regard their surroundings, seemingly with bemusement, but taking in every detail with piercing scrutiny. 

"Miss. Illya." Leysritt says. "This is. Luviagelita. Head of. The House. Of Edelfelt."

"Miss Luviagelita." Sella states. "Allow me to present Illysaviel von Einzbern, Ninth Head of the House of Einzbern."

"Hello Illyasviel." The Edelfelt magus inclines her head. "May I offer congratulations on the recent change to your status."

Illya smiles. "Luviagelita. I think perhaps you might, more than anyone, know that congratulations aren't exactly in order when taking on the ... burdens of your family."

"Quite." The Edelfelt grins, much like the beautiful hyenas that Illya knows her family are often called. "I now have some idea as to just why my father was so eager to pursue early retirement."

"That is understandable. Though, to be fair, my Grandfather had been ... declining in some recent years. He, sadly, had very little choice in the matter by the time I had to assume his duties." Illya says.

"My condolences." Luviagelita inclines her head again.

"Indeed. It's really annoying to have to fix the mistakes of the older generation." Illya shakes her head. "So, you've told Leyrsitt that you are here to see Emiya Shirou?"

"Yes." The Edelfelt Head nods. "I am a ... business acquaintance of the Second Owner of this land, Tohsaka Rin, the Sixth Head of the Tohsaka Clan. Perhaps she has told you of me."

"Yes." Illya says. "Rin told me about you." 

The two stare at each other. Then, a clash of metals breaks the silence. Illya turns back to see Shirou having launched himself away from Saber, parrying her unseen sword with his blades and using the momentum to evade her again. Illya waves the Edelfelt Head onward to her side. Sella bows her head and takes a step back as Leysritt remains in her previous position without any visible change in body language or movement. Saber lunges forward, swiftly, knocking aside one of Shirou's blades and then holding her weapon at his throat. Shirou looks down and nods. A smile beams on Saber's face. They separate. Shirou dismisses his weapons into fine golden motes and Saber puts away her sword of wavering air. They bow to each other. 

"You really have improved." Saber tells Shirou as they walk towards the foyer. "I'm very proud of you."

"Thank you, I ..." Shirou sees Illya and her guest a second faster than Saber does. Illya is impressed. For all Rin still harps on Shirou's obliviousness, it seems as though some of Archer's attention to detail is beginning to reemerge and integrate within him. They come closer. 

"That is a very impressive display of Gradation Air." Luviagelita comments as they approach. "You must be Shero."

"It's Shirou." Saber corrects, her green eyes narrowing at the other woman. "Luviagelita. It's been a little while."

Luviagelita laughs. Illya notes that the woman actually holds one hand up to her mouth as she seems to frown upside down.

"Ohohoho ..." Illya is impressed. Luviagelita even laughs _that_ strangely. Rin was not exaggerating. "Arturia, is it? I will never get over that blade of yours. Not since my last meeting with Rin. I haven't seen many Mystic Codes like it before."

Saber's facial expression doesn't waver in the slightest. It is impassive, but very searching. Illya thinks that Leysritt might actually be proud of her. 

"Yes, I am Emiya Shirou." Shirou walks up to Luviagelita and holds out his hand. "And you are ..."

Luviagelita looks down at Shirou's hand. Sella has a distinctly annoyed expression on her face at the blind spot in protocol. Illya herself is just amused. And this amusement is something both she and Luviagelita share. The Edelfelt magus laughs in that odd manner again. "Usually it is a lady that holds out her hand first. But I forget where I am." 

Shirou quirks his head to one side. "And ... where is that?"

"Oh my. I meant no disrespect by that. It's just that I'm not used to dealing with manners beyond noble society. It's all right." Luviagelita's eyes size up the entirety of Shirou as she reaches over and takes his hand. "I am Luviagelita Edelfelt of the House of Edelfelt. I am an acquaintance of Tohsaka Rin. You can call me Luvia."

"Oh. It's great meeting you Luvia." Shirou says, firmly grasping her hand and letting it go. "I ... Rin has never ... um ... mentioned you."

A strange look comes into Luvia's eyes. "Odd. Well, we both deal in a specific branch of magecraft. But I have heard all about you, though."

Illya doesn't miss Saber taking Shirou's hand in her own. Neither, she suspects, does Luvia. Shirou still looks friendly, but there is a degree of caution in his posture that she knows had only grown from when he saw Luvia standing next to her. "Oh? Well, that's surprising. I didn't think anyone in the Moonlit World would really know about me ... Did Rin tell you about me?"

"Sadly, no." Luvia admits. "But the Moonlit World definitely knows about you."

"And what is that?" Saber asks. 

If Luvia hears the terseness in the other's voice, she gives no sign that she even cares. "That he fought in the Fifth Holy Grail War. And that he is the son of Emiya Kiritsugu, the Magus Killer." She grins again. "My family has long been impressed with your father's work."

"I ... see." Shirou suddenly looks extremely uncomfortable, as a few facts seem to begin to dawn on him. Illya mentally sighs. Perhaps Rin was right about her younger brother after all. Illya decides she's had enough of this indulgence even before Saber begins to reach for her blade. 

"Shirou ... Arturia ..." Illya says. "You're all gross and sweaty from sparring. You should go get changed. Luviagelita and I have something we need to talk about."

Saber nods. "Understood, Illya. Come on, Shirou."

Shirou also nods. "... Luvia, it was really good seeing you."

Luvia actually takes the corners of her skirt, much the way Illya herself likes to do, and curtsies. "The pleasure was all mine, Shero." 

"Shirou." Saber interjects again, leading Shirou away from them. 

"Of course. My apologies." Luvia smiles. "I do look forward to seeing you again."

 As the two leave, Illya remains smiling. She is genuinely intrigued by all of this. Sella and Leyrsitt remain where they are. "So, Luviagelita ..."

"You can call me Luvia, Illyasviel."

"Well." Illya considers. "If I get to call you Luvia, then you have to call me Illya. I mean, aren't our familial responsibilities difficult enough without having to suffer through their burden of long first names?" 

"That is true enough." Luvia acquiesces. "Illya, can we be frank?"

"Well, our names aren't that much of burden." Illya giggles lightly, but then her red eyes turn serious. "Please do. You can start by explaining why you intruded on my Bounded Territory."

"A miscalculation." Luvia replies. "I realized I came in too far, and I did call for you. I suspected you had scrying fields and servants nearby."

"Oh. I'm not talking about that." Illya says. "You made yourself known today. But I am talking about your presence around town. And the familiars I had to deal with in my territory before that."

"I see." Luvia clears her throat. "Well, you know my family. I am the Head, but I take advice and occasionally orders our elders. You know our business." 

"You mean aside from Jewelcraft?" Illya snorts. "So your family has taken on a contract to track Shirou."

The Edelfelts, a magi family dating from the Renaissance, originating in Finland, were known not only for their abilities in Jewel magecraft or curses, but for their effectiveness as mercenaries in the Magi and Moonlit World. 

Luvia nods. "I'm not privy to discuss all of it, but essentially yes. There are parties that are ... curious as to how someone who died in the Fifth War could still be walking around." She looks after Shirou's retreating form, her eyes lingering on his lower section. "And I have to say, he looks very fine for a dead man."

Illya's eyes narrow. "So you don't deny that you have been spying on us."

"Oh, we are not the only interested party here. Or rather, my employers aren't the only ones." Luvia chuckles, shaking her head. "Rin really is a provincial fool to think that the Clock Tower would take a blind eye to this forever."

"Oh Luvia." Illya shakes her head. "You are really making this hard. I already like you, and we both think Tohsaka Rin is a provincial fool. But that will only get you so far ... Tell me what it is you are really doing here."

Luvia laughs. "I am just confirming what my employers already expected. That Shero is still alive." She looks directly into Illya's eyes, a challenging light entering them. "And that there are at least two Servants still existing in the world. As familiars, no doubt. Is that your doing, Illya?" 

"It's Shirou." Illya says as Sella and Leysritt begin to approach. "Is that what you're here for? The Association just wants Shirou, and the Servants to ... Sealing Designate?"

"I'm afraid I can't answer that, though it'd not be surprising if some factions did." Luvia is fully aware of the homunculi coming towards her. "Standard geis contract. I can't reveal anything more. Even if I wanted to."

Illya nods. "I do have ways of getting that information from you, Luvia. I am not as squeamish as Rin. You know my family."

"They seem to have diminished of late. Especially if you have to live in such a ... backwater place."

"I don't know." Illya replies, looking around. "I've grown rather fond of Japan lately."

"Even so, what will you do?" Luvia asks. "I mean, your homunculi are impressive, but there are only two of them. And I have killed much more powerful magi in my tenure ..."

Illya opens up her Magic Circuits and channels them through her eyes. It was a big mistake on Luvia's part to make eye-contact with her, trying to challenge her dominance. Luvia's mouth widens. Her arms grow lack as her brown eyes begin to lose their lustre. "Mystic ..."

"Mystic Eyes, yes." lllya says, dismissively. She glares at the Edelfelt. "I'm going to make this really simple for you, Luvia. Because I actually like you. Aside from the fact that you should know better than to threaten a magus in their own territory, even as a guest in another's lands -- and I know you are not here with Rin's permission -- do you really think that Sella and Leysritt are my only servants here? My only power? You forget yourself, Edelfelt. But I will let you take this time to remember."

Illya holds her in place for a few seconds and then looks away from her. Luvia jolts. Her facial expression doesn't change, but her skin looks a little whiter than before. Perhaps even clammy. The homunculi remain where they are. Their mistress has proven her point. 

"Look." Illya says. "I'm not going to insult the both of us by getting more information from you. Whoever has hired you must be powerful enough to spend a lot of money and resources, as you do not come cheap. Your family wants to encounter the best and greatest challenges. So I won't make you violate your own geis and destroy your magecraft. I also know you aren't here for me, because you wouldn't have announced yourself like this. You aren't stupid, Luvia. So I want you to listen very carefully.

"It's true. Emiya Shirou is Emiya Kiritsugu's son. But the Emiyas belonged to my House. And the Einzbern family takes a dim view to having their members threatened. You should tell your employers that. But even more than that, and I'm talking to you specifically Luvia: you and your family. Shirou is more than just a member of a branch family we let back into the fold. Emiya Shirou is my onii-chan."

"... Onichain?" A perplexed furrow appears on Luvia's forehead. 

"It's Japanese. You should really take the time to learn the language of a land that you are trying to infiltrate." Illya sighs. "It means he is my sibling. My brother. And I think you know what the rest of it means." Her red eyes pierce into Luvia's brown. "Yes. Shirou is my father's adopted son. I am his _daughter_. And if you, or anyone touch me or mine -- like my onii-chan -- I won't kill you. I won't kill you for a very long time. Are we clear, Luvia?"

Luvia stares for a bit. Then she nods. She smooths out some imaginary wrinkles in her voluminous skirt. Illya lets her do that much to recover her sense of dignity. Finally, the Edelfelt smiles. "I can respect that. And I will tell you this, Illya. I won't hurt Shero. That is not what I am here to do."

Illya nods, letting the other's hopeless mispronunciation pass. "Good. Like I said, Luvia. I like you. And I don't want to hurt you. But my onii-chan's well being is a sore spot for me. As for the rest of it ... you can talk to Rin about it. She's known about you for a while."

"I'd expect nothing less." Luvia scoffs.

"You can take this up with her. As you should have done." Illya waves her hand. "I'd offer you some sweets, but I think you need to be going now Luvia."

Luvia nods. "I got what I came for. Thank you for your hospitality, Illya." The magus curtsies.

Illya gets out of her chair and does the same thing, showing her how a proper ladylike curtsy is done. "You're very welcome, Luvia. Leysritt. If you please."

Leysritt walks to Luvia's side and guides her out, through the courtyard, and to the entrance to the forest. Illya pouts and sits back down in her chair. She is annoyed that Rin has gotten her onii-chan and herself involved in this business. But they had seen this coming for a while. It had only been a matter of time. She thinks about informing Rin about this visit, but decides not to do so. It isn't something that can't wait until the next day. She is not afraid of those cowards in the Moonlit World. Besides, her brother and his Servant need their time. Illya herself might not have all the time in the world, but if all goes well, and even if it doesn't, it will have to be enough. 


	58. Chapter 58

Saber doesn't let go of Shirou's hand for some time. 

She is all but propelling him up the stairs, through the hallways. She has seen Luvia before. The Edelfelt magus and Rin always seem to have some sparks forming between them whenever they met. Apparently, they'd made each other's acquaintance at the Clock Tower at some point and their encounter, after a while ... hadn't gone well. And god help the poor soul that dared to compare how the two resembled each other. Saber is pretty sure that if she and Rin hadn't been forming a closer bond during their quests, or if she hadn't been a Servant, the Tohsaka magus may have launched several Gandrs at her the last time she even hinted as much about their physical similarities. But Saber can't completely blame Rin for that. Some said that she and Morgana had more than a passing resemblance to each other, just as she and Mordred ...

"Saber?" Shirou says. "Saber!"

"What is it, Shirou?" Saber grits out tersely.

"Um ..." Shirou scratches the back of his head. "We just went past the shower room."

"Oh." Saber could have mentally slapped herself. They were upstairs. And right at their rooms. It didn't do for a knight to forget their surroundings. She had been here a few days, staying in the room right next to Shirou's. There was a time when she would have insisted on sleeping in the same room, but after all those times back during the War when Shirou became awkward around his personal space, and then ... due to recent events ... it just seemed prudent not to get distracted. Not to rush matters. "My ... my apologies." 

She looks down and sees her hand is still clutching Shirou's. It occurs to her that she has been dragging him along for a long period of time. "Shirou. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ..."

Shirou waves her off. "It's okay Saber. To be honest ..." His eyes grow far away. "I wasn't really thinking either."

Saber knows that Rin would have a few choice words to say about that, but it is not her place to voice them. Because she knows it's not true. "You have been thinking." She says. "About Luvia. And what she said."

"Yeah." Shirou sighs. "Yeah. That thing about my Dad ... and she knew that I was alive. She's also still downstairs with Illya ..." 

"Illya will be able to handle it." Saber assures Shirou, thinking back to Germany. "Trust me."

"She won't ..." Shirou stops himself, but Saber reads exactly what kind of question her Master was about to ask. Shirou isn't stupid. He knows exactly what kind of person his sister can actually be, especially if his safety is at stake. And from the look on his face, the way he turns his gaze down, he knows he would now probably do something similar. It breaks her heart a little bit. 

"No. Luvia will be allowed to leave." Saber nods to herself. "But I suspect she is already gone."

"I ... I know I'm not the best judge of character." Shirou says. "But Luvia didn't ... we didn't talk long, but despite what she said, she didn't seem ..."

"Luvia is not a bad person." Saber affirms. "But her family are an elite group of mercenaries. They will take on anything that is a challenge to their skills, and for the right price. It's like what Rin told you about Enforcers and Executors, only they are a Clan."

"And Freelancers."

Hearing about Kiritsugu must have hit Shirou hard. Saber puts a hand on his back. She begins to rub it. She's not sure when it happened, but it feels instinctual. Saber doesn't say anything, but she can tell that Shirou is trying to find the words.

"I found out a lot about _Jii-san_  this past while, between what others have told me, and ... some of Archer's memories." He shakes his head. "He was more than just a Freelancer. He literally made magi afraid of him. Of course he'd leave a lot of enemies behind. Actually, it's pretty miraculous they didn't come after me even before the War." 

"There are a few groups of magi investigating Fuyuki." Saber tells him. "We knew that already. It was only a matter of time before they found out about you. But we're here to protect you, Shirou." She turns him to look at her. "I will protect you."

"But what about you, Saber?" Shirou's amber eyes glitter with fear. And not for himself. "If they figured out that there are Servants still alive, they will come for you too."

"They won't succeed." Saber replies, with conviction in her tone.

"... I ... I know. You and Rider are strong ..."

 _But he, Rin, and Sakura are vulnerable._  Saber realizes this is what Shirou is trying to say. It's true that some factions might want Shirou out of vengeance of his father's crimes, or due to the fact that he survived the War and as such might have information on Heaven's Feel. At the very least, he would make for a useful hostage if the others figured out his ties to Rin. Sakura can defend herself a little better now, and Rin is fairly top-class what with her own support from Zelretch and her politicking at the Association through Waver Velvet. But Shirou, while making tremendous progress -- his Magic Circuits, the mystical nervous system of his soul -- overwriting his previously flawed doll body repaired and augmented by Einzbern alchemy -- is still vulnerable. He didn't have a lordship or a lord's protection. As far many knew, he was still dead. He could be exploited. And while Saber and Rider are familiars now, and remain powerful compared to regular ones, if their Masters were taken, they could be compromised. 

"We won't let them take any of you." Saber says. "Not me, or Rider. And besides," her eyes soften with some sympathy, "We already knew about some of them. The fact that one faction has gone as far as to tip their hand so overtly means that someone was sloppy. Whether Luvia herself knew it completely, this was meant to be a warning. A show of power or grandstanding. To keep us off balance. But, really, it's come off as quite the opposite." She shakes her head. "A novice's error."

"They won't be able to try anything here." Shirou says. "If the Association as a whole, or even in its entire three parts, knew about even some of this -- and could act -- we would have known about it by now, wouldn't we?"

"Indeed." Saber nods with approval. "As far as I'm concerned, this was an unannounced visit from the head of a noble house to the head of another."

"Who was confirming what others already strongly suspected." Shirou sighs. "I really don't think I'd ever be suited for the Clock Tower. If it weren't for helping Illya, I don't think I'd want to go anywhere near that place to be honest."

"Shirou. I think you will find that is more complicated than that." Saber faces him, her hand still on his back. She can feel the cloth soaked through with his sweat. It occurs to her that she can smell him. A masculine scent intermingled with a hint of rust and metal. "Granted, politics can be the work of vipers. However, sometimes you need to get your hands dirty in order to enact the changes that you want to make in the world."

"I ..." Shirou starts to say. "Maybe once. If things had been different. If Illya weren't here, or you ... or Sakura. Maybe I'd have become a Freelancer, or gone with Rin there. But I've made different choices now. I just ... I just want to be there for all of you. That is my new ideal."

Saber smiles. "I know. But that does not mean that you cannot be a hero anymore, Shirou." She places both hands on his arms and faces him directly. She can feel herself glowing from their sparring. "You still fight with conviction. You fight for us, but you still fight. And we want to help you. We also want to help others. The difference is that, now," she chuckles to herself, recognizing the irony of her words in light of her previous actions, "now we can help others together."

"We are a team." Shirou states, putting his hands on hers.

"Yes." Saber replies. She feels her mouth turn into a beaming grin. "I am your sword. And you are my sheathe."

She has said the words a few times now, since they've met again, but they still bring an electric thrill to the back of her neck, like a cool breeze in a long summer meadow. Saber realizes how close she is to Shirou right now. She can see the vein on his neck pulsing. She can feel his blood pumping through her hands on his arms. His red hair is slick with sweat, almost hanging over his eyes. His amber eyes gleam with depths of sadness, but a similar conviction that she realizes that she, inadvertently, fell in love with a long time ago. 

"Saber." He says. He leans over her. She forgets sometimes that he's taller than she is. And he has been growing. Illya's work with him has been most effective. Rin had been worried about the doll form they found, and that its original worn condition would weaken his Magic Circuit flow. She thought they would need to find the original creator to commission a new one. And she knew, even back then, that Rin would spare no expense to do so: and that it wasn't just for Sakura's sake. Shirou stands in front of her, and for time in his life she can tell that almost completely whole. "Saber, if Luvia really was no real threat to us, why did you drag us here so quickly?"

Saber sighs. She doesn't want to tell him that she was afraid Shirou would say something that might possibly give away more information than they were willing to reveal at this time. As it is, Luvia's presence here would have to accelerate some of their plans -- especially Rin's. She thinks about telling him that she still wants to protect him, to make up for being away from him, for leaving him during the War ... or that she was just being cautious.

They are still breathing hard from their exercise and the brisk walk that led them to this corridor. She leans upward and kisses him. Saber presses her lips against Shirou's: engulfing his with her own. His hands find her cheeks. He leans into her and kisses her back. It's as though he's been in a desert and he is drinking from her. She drinks deeply from him too. They slowly, gradually, pull away. Green eyes meet amber. 

Saber takes Shirou's hands in her own. And she realizes that they both _know_. 

Perhaps part of it was being discovered by Luvia, and the fear. Maybe it is the smell of sweat and adrenaline on both of their bodies. Or as many others would gladly point out at this moment, it might be that it was a long time coming as Saber guides Shirou into her room, and shuts the door behind her. 

She is on him. They stagger past her lion cub on the dresser as she consumes his mouth with her own, and starts lifting his shirt over his head. Shirou's fingers dig into her waist, through her blouse, roaming across her body. Saber feels like a lioness, like a dragon, mounting her prey as she shoves him down onto the bed. Her flesh is burning. And Shirou's supple, muscular body -- still young but long since in the process of becoming a man's -- is hot under her touch. He kisses her urgently, a sense that she shares, but there is a gentleness, a yearning behind it. He is still tasting her. She takes his hands as she sits on top of him. His eyes are burning as she guides him, slowly unbuttoning her blouse. 

She watches Shirou watching her, help him remove her shirt. He is focused. He's staring right at her. Into her. There is a look of utter wonder on his face as she reaches back and undoes her bra. Then she takes his hands again and moves them on her breasts. She can feel his fingers, and palms. Saber can feel the callouses forming on those hands that are becoming stronger with practice. She feels them explore her body, and trace her own muscles. It's similar to how Rin touches her, but different. This time, it is _Shirou_. She can feel him hardening under her, and that thought makes her painfully wet. Once, she might have thought this was all obscene, at least for someone of her stature: someone who had to look out for others. But now, she doesn't give a damn. This man saved her. He saved her in all the ways a man could save a friend, save a woman he loves, and beyond. Saber is getting used to desire, but it never ceases to surprise her. 

Saber finds herself getting impatient with the amount of skirts and pants in the immediate vicinity. She moves on top of Shirou's lap, less to arouse him, and more to move her legs and kick off her skirt and soaking panties. Now Shirou's gaze has deepened. She can feel his eyes all over her body. Once, she wouldn't have noticed and then afterwards would have been too self-conscious. She hadn't been used to being a woman, feeling like one -- whatever that was supposed to be -- until after this Fifth War. She stands there, naked and gleaming. 

"Saber." Shirou breathes. "You are so beautiful."

She smiles. Happiness she didn't even know floods into her at those simple, but heartfelt words. She leans forward and begins undoing Shirou's pants. Shirou's eyes are becoming a little hazy, but he seems to come back into himself. 'Saber." He says. "Are you ... I know you haven't ..."

Saber puts a finger tip on Shirou's lips. "Shirou, we can figure it all out together. You are my sheathe. But, right now, I want to see your sword." 

"A-all right." Shirou stammers, and the look he gives her makes Saber feel tender as she strokes his hair.

She slowly takes off Shirou's pants and lowers them to the floor. She can see him through his underwear. It is impossible to ignore. She carefully takes off his underwear, and she can feel him arching up so that she can get better purchase. 

"Saber ..."

"Hm." Saber murmurs, looking at Shirou's manhood. It is long and slender, but thick. It's surrounded by a small mane of ginger hair. "Well, Shirou." She says. "It's not the first time I've seen one."

"What ..."

Saber shakes her head. "I did spend time with my Knights. I am familiar with penises. Though ..." She picks up his shaft with one hand, and absently begins stroking it, from the base to the head, noting how slick the skin already is. "Not like this."

Shirou moans. It generates a thrill through Saber. It's strange, holding a cock for the first time in her life, aside from ... that one other time she doesn't like to think about. This one belongs to someone else, though, someone that she greatly loves. She wonders if this is how the camp women felt with some of her men. It is a wanton, lecherous thought. Somehow, as she strokes Shirou, she gets even more wet: thinking of herself not as a King, but as a soldier's common harlot. 

"Oh Saber ..."

Saber takes her other hand, and cups Shirou's balls. She attempts to grasp them. She feels him hiss, and squirm a bit. "Oh ..." She looks up, her arousal almost forgotten. "Shirou, I'm sorry."

"It's okay." He tells her. "No, Saber. It's fine. Just ... can you be a little more gentle? Firm, but gentle?"

"I think I can manage that." She takes her hand and slowly closes her fingers around his sack, feeling the globes inside retract. "Is that better?"

"Yes." Shirou says after a time. "You can ..."

"Yes?" Saber asks, slowly stroking his cock again.

"You can ... massage them a bit if you want." 

"Do you want that, _Master_?" 

Suddenly, she feels Shirou's cock jolt in her hands. It's not so much that it's gotten bigger, but it is harder now. And that seems to change its consistency. Saber realizes what she just said. She doesn't know why she did. Sometimes, she and Rin do this, but it's different with Shirou. It is the first time. She sees Shirou's face look conflicted for a few moments. That was one thing at the beginning of their partnership that he made clear. That she was his partner and not his Servant. He made it clear that she was to be his companion and he would not give her orders against her will. Adding this dynamic to ... this, might have been a step too far. Rin hadn't been Saber's Master during the War, but Shirou was. But she can't lie. There is something incredibly naughty about how she phrased that question, and a part of her doesn't feel all that bad for doing so.

"Yes."

"Yes?" What was getting into her, as she lightly strokes the pliant flesh of Shirou's testicles with her thumb.

"Mmm ... yes, Saber."

She can feel him throbbing in her hands. Something burns in her core in unison to this pulsating. "Master." She tells him. "I want to put you in my mouth."

".. wh-what ..."

Saber feels lightheaded. The words just flow right out of her lips, as though she's drunken too much ale. "I haven't had a cock before. I want to know what it feels like. What it tastes like. What you taste like."

Shirou's eyes widen. "Saber ..."

Saber leans forward and licks the tip of Shirou's cock. She feels him shudder under her. "Oh Saber ... that ..."

"Please Master." She says, simply, her self-consciousness burning away in dragon fire.

"Please?"

"Please." She says, two duties, one of her role and one of her desire conflating with each other. "Order me to suck your cock." 

Shirou looks up at her. She wants him to. She wants him to see that the Knight, the King, isn't here anymore. It is the dragon now. The woman. And she has his manhood in her hands, near her mouth, and she is dripping for him. He twitches hard in her grasp again, and that somehow only seems to egg her on. 

"Saber ..." He murmurs. "I ... I order you to suck my cock."

This fine balance of control and giving up control and obeying an order that they have made together burns into a primal, reptilian part of Saber's brain. "Yes, Master."

She lowers her lips onto his head, and begins suckling it. It takes a little while, and some getting used to. It tastes of salt, and blandness, and skin. A bit of saliva and pre-cum, drips out of the corner of her mouth. A part of Saber's mind seems to have turned off. She can hear Shirou groaning and moving under her. Her tongue teases the tip, and he jolts. She stops and slowly withdraws him from her mouth. Then, carefully, she draws him back in. She can feel him tensing up, breathing heavily and attempting to remain in control. His musk fills her tongue. Somehow she knows that her pussy is leaking all over the covers of the bed. She aches terribly. 

"Saber ..." He says. "Stop ... stop or I might ..."

 _Oh._  Slowly, Saber withdraws Shirou past her lips again. She holds his cock, and lets him calm down. She could feel his balls moving and his cock trembling. She leans forward and kisses him again. Carefully, she lets go of him and reaches forward to hold his face in her hands. Their bodies intertwine. 

"Shirou ..." She murmurs. She makes eye contact with him.

"Saber?" He says. "Are you sure? I mean, you haven't ..."

Saber laughs. Shirou smiles at that. "Shirou, I rode horses all the time with Sir Ector and Sir Kay. My hymen broke a long time ago. You don't need to worry."

"All right." Shirou replies. 

"Tonight, I will be your sheathe." She whispers tenderly. She takes him with her hands. She is sitting on top of him. It's awkward. Shirou tries to move himself so she can get a better grasp. She can't quite ... She rubs her opening with his cock and hisses. It feels ... good, but she can't get it in. It bends a bit. "Shirou, are you okay. I'm sorry."

"No." He grunts. "It's all right Saber." He leans forward and kisses her, putting her face in his hands. 

"Can you ..." She asks.

"Yes." He says, after a time. "You said we'd figure this out, and we will. Let me see ..."

It's strange in a way, that Shirou is teaching her something that she doesn't already know. He moves under her, and takes his cock. He spreads her legs out a little more. Shirou strokes himself, getting harder again. It makes her tingle just looking at it. Even feeling it. He takes one arm and lowers her down. There is some resistance as his cock finds her opening. He stops, and takes a finger or two. She feels him circling around her opening, slicking her juices around her pussy lips. Then, his fingers have entered her. Saber blinks. At first, she tightens around him. It is unusual. She's never felt something like this before. Shirou stops. He moves her to the side, and slowly begins stroking her inside. His thumb moves around her clitoral hood. Saber is breathing hard. Something is building inside of her. It's an orgasm, but she can't quite get there.

"Maybe ..." She says. "Maybe if I am on my back?"

"Let's try it." Shirou replies. 

She likes what he is doing, but he stops as he lays her out. She watches him take his cock and stroke it on her clitoris. It feels lewd and wonderful. Then he is at her opening. Her core feels less tight, but it is still a challenge. Then, slowly, with her legs spread apart Shirou manages to sink his cock past her opening ... and right into her.

"Oh!" She hisses.

"Saber?" He looks down at her, concern in his eyes. "I'm sorry. Are you okay? Does it hurt?"

"... yes." Saber says. "But ... it ... isn't a bad hurt. If that makes sense." She closes her eyes. She wills herself to be used to the large, hard, warm object inside of her. Shirou doesn't move. He rests in her, letting her adjust to him. She feels herself throbbing. It takes her a while, but she realizes that she's filled. Shirou is finally inside of her. 

"Saber ..."

Saber can feel tears roll down from her eyes. She doesn't want Shirou to think he's hurting her, or sad. She feels him take a thumb and wipe her tears away. "Oh Saber ..." 

"I'm just ..." She whispers. "I just never thought ... never thought it would happen. I thought I left this behind me. And now, with you ..."

Shirou engulfs her into his embrace, his warm muscular body enveloping her own. Her legs wrap around her along with her arms. He kisses her. Over and again. "You deserve the best, Saber. I love you."

Saber isn't sure who started rocking first. She is pulsating. Her core is moving around Shirou's manhood. It feels like she is flexing inside. The tingling feeling inside her is growing. It isn't like with Rin. As the two of them move, Shirou kissing and bobbing into her, she feels him stretching her out, moving her hood across her clitoris. He is penetrating spots in her that she didn't know existed. It hurts, but it hurts ... good. It feels right. It feels so right. Something is building again. It is an orgasm. Saber knows this. She can feel Shirou pulsating as well, growing inside of her, arching up into her, brushing against a spot.

It seems to go on forever. They are glowing, embers of sensation building. Shirou is grunting and kissing her face and neck. She bites at his chin. Her hand claw against his back. She hisses slowly as he moves harder and faster inside of her. She is moving in concentric circles. But she can't get there. It feels so good, but she can't take that leap. And then, after a long while, she realizes it.

"Shirou ..." She gasps. "Release yourself in me."

"I ..." Shirou growls. "I can't. You are not ..."

"Please, Shirou." She says. "Do it ..."

"Saber ..."

"Shirou ..."

"I love you ..."

Then Saber begins to feel it. Shirou is tensing up in her grasp. Something hot burns through her. Ramming into her. She screams. No, rather something is roaring between them. The dragon rends through the two of them, uniting them deeper than their flesh. She is squirming as orgasm after orgasm rips through her. Shirou calls out her name. She calls out his. Over and again. It goes on ... waiting continuously ... pursuing endlessly ... 

"Ughnn!" 

One final mutual orgasm explodes between them as Shirou slams into her and she jolts right onto the hilt of him. Saber wraps her hand in Shirou's sweat soaked hair. The smell of sex and release surrounds them. She blows a strand of hair from the bun which is coming undone. She relaxes under him. Slowly, she feels his length and girth recede inside of her. He lies on top of her as though to shield her from a mighty blow, from being eroded by the grim realities of the outside world. Her sheathe ... Saber smiles again. She can taste him on her lips, and takes comfort in the fact that he can smell the both of them. Something thrums stronger between them now. It's their bond. It had never felt like this during the War. Somehow, she knows they feel full, their bodies tangled and meshed on top of soaked bed sheets. 

Saber strokes Shirou's muscular back. "I love you, Shirou." She whispers to him.

"I love you too, Saber." He replies, his voice broken, hoarse, but resolved. 

Saber sighs and kisses Shirou's collarbone. After this, after everything, she knows they will face the future. They will confront their fate. And she wouldn't have it any other way. 


	59. Chapter 59

Sakura's lessons with the priest are over, for now. But her time at the Church is not. 

She almost didn't go today. Sakura is actually pretty amazed with herself, all things considered. Last night, her heat had been bearable. But it was different. It wasn't hunger, as it was multiple echoes of fulfillment. Rider seems to have had a good time, as did Shirou. Sakura still smiles at the memory of the burning ember inside her, ignited from the soft glow she always carries in her abdomen and lower regions. The satisfaction from Rider, and the sheer joy that she felt from her Senpai, truly made her night. Even just knowing that he and Saber were together, finally, made her happy: and she spent most of last night making herself happy as well. 

Reluctantly, Sakura turns her thoughts away from the happiness of her loved ones, and her own, to more pragmatic, somber matters. 

"Thank you." Sakura bows deferentially to the old man. "How is she doing today?"

"She's ... better." The priest replies. "But more restless now. To be honest, I've been hoping that the Second Owner would come back and discuss what we should do with her."

"I understand." Sakura says. "Did you get the information from her that you needed?"

"Yes. Unfortunately, even after treating her and waiting for her ... hallucinations to abate ..." The old man's tone becomes uncertain at his latter words. "She still didn't tell us anything more about Father Kotomine beyond what you and Tohsaka Rin have told us, and the Association."

"He betrayed her." Sakura sighs. "Perhaps almost as bad as he had most of us. I just ... I don't understand why you didn't hand her over to the Association when they were here."

"Well." The old priest says. "I'm sure that Rin explained some of it to you. This is the jurisdiction of the Church, our ground. We dealt with those poor children. Perhaps that didn't mean much to the magi present, but it was fairly condemning to anyone else. As for our ... guest, we needed to know if there had been anything more about Father Kotomine's treachery than we had already uncovered. Just how far and how long it went back. While we have a more cordial arrangement with the Association at this time, it is still a cease-fire at best. We do not approve of the methods and greed of most magi. No offense, young lady."

"None taken, Father." Sakura says, her eyes narrowing. "I know all too well just how amoral magi can actually be."

"I know. I'm sorry for dredging up such unpleasant memories." 

It is true. After Rin brought her to the old priest, he and Sakura had talked a little bit about what happened during her life with the Matou: partly to figure out what she knew of magecraft, and also to look at her Magic Circuits and see if they were healing properly from Kotomine's healing, and her ordeals back during the War ... during her entire childhood. As such, there were few secrets left between them. Sakura smiles at the old man.

"You have nothing to apologize for, Father." She tells him, finding the title more appropriate for the old priest than she ever had with her own biological father. "You have helped me a great deal. I'm just curious as to why she is still here."

"Well, technically she is a member of the Mage's Association. But there are some irregularities. You know why she was here. And what the extent of her injuries are, and what they mean."

"Yes." Sakura's tone darkens. "We know why she was here, in the War, but not really why."

"She was to return to the Association with the Grail, apparently. To prove her skill and power beyond that of a Sealing Designation Enforcer. It makes sense as to why the Association would want the Grail, as it would be more than something to place under Sealing Designation, or study." The priest sounds disgusted. "However, as I said there are some irregularities. For one, there was an official Association Master in the War. The former Master of Caster, I believe."

"Yes." Sakura's nose wrinkles in equal disgust. Rin had done some digging of her own, and from what she found out that Master had been no real loss to the world: Moonlit or mundane. Atrum Galliasta had sounded like an amateurish version of Zouken, or at least Shinji with working Magic Circuits. No wonder he'd lost control over his own Servant, a master magus. "But there was someone else as well."

The old man nods. "An observer. From the Association. The magus was eliminated in a way befitting an Executor's kill."

"Father Kotomine was an Executor." Sakura remembers. "Couldn't he have done this?"

"It was certainly within his power, even later in his life. However, it didn't seem in keeping with his modus operandi. The fact is, while it could have been done to keep his own machinations a secret, or indeed keep the Association from interfering with his plans, whatever that blasphemy truly was, he wouldn't have risked it: especially if the Association knew that it was a member of the Church that killed their observer. They are familiar with a lot of the work of our Executors, even if he used his own magecraft: which he had not been known to do. No. The magus' death was by another magus' hand. And she told us that she was the one that did it." 

Sakura blinks. "I know there's infighting in the Association, but why would she attack an Association magus during the War. They could have worked together ..."

"They were apparently from another faction." The old man shrugs. "Not a thing that would be tolerated in the Holy Church. Perhaps the magus would have gotten in the way of her plans. Certainly, while she was invited into the War by Father Kotomine before this point as its Overseer, this act may have ... impressed him enough to perhaps promise ... special privileges. That is what she seems to believe, though his invitation to her seemed to be that of friendship."

Sakura's mouth forms into a grim line. It seemed just like Kotomine: to betray someone who trusted him for his own amusement. She doesn't mention her ... biological father, or how he did that to him, and her sister. She doesn't intend to bring up the unofficial agreement that the Church had with her former family through Kotomine Risei and how perhaps his son lured her in with a similar arrangement. It just seems in bad manners after everything the priest has done for her. 

"Rin has not had much luck getting any further cooperation from her. She doesn't seem too keen to return to the Association for ... obvious reasons." Because she killed a fellow Association member, and more importantly because she failed to retrieve the Grail is something the priest doesn't have to say. "We have all the information we need from her. I told my superiors that she is not a threat to us. But I cannot keep her here, or her presence a secret forever. We do ... hope that the Tohsaka Clan and perhaps ... the remains of the Matou will remember our cooperation in this manner." Again, Sakura can't blame the priest. He is obeying the Holy Church. They want to maintain their presence and relations with the higher magi families of Fuyuki. Perhaps keeping their ... guest was a gesture in itself, to give them priority access to her over the rest of the Association. "Perhaps your efforts will be more successful than that of the Tohsaka."

"Let us hope so." Sakura says. "Thank you, Father."

They walk deeper into the Church. and open a door to the back room. Even though it had been renovated, and purged of any trace of Kotomine's lingering presence, she remembers lying in this same room after Kotomine had performed his spiritual surgery on her. The woman in the bed flinches when she sees the priest from the corner of her eye. That action makes a part of Sakura angry, but not at the priest. She recalls flinching in a similar way whenever she saw an old man in a robe, or a boy in a school uniform that wasn't her Senpai ... or worms. Sakura still can't look at worms, even when passing by someone's lawn. It's the association of trauma. She knows that the priest has done nothing to the woman, him or her sister. The priest, thankfully, takes his leave and it is just Sakura and the guest of the Church of the Hill. 

"Hello, Bazett-san." Sakura says, placing down a thermos and two cups on a table next to her. "How are you today?"

Bazett Fraga McRemitz regards Sakura listlessly from her bed. Now that the priest is gone, she has returned back to staring sullenly at nothing. Sakura can tell that the woman's magenta hair used to be a lot shorter, but the bangs have grown out over her face. She is dressed in a white yukata that somehow seems out of place on her. Her skin is pale and wan. She looks better than how she had the first time Sakura had seen her. The priest had been feeding her well and seemed to have gotten used to solid foods again. Certainly the skin around her face and dark eyes was far less taut, and her bones were not showing nearly as prominently. When Rin told her about Bazett, she had insisted on bringing as much food as possible whenever she had time between her lessons and taking care of Shirou. As always, Sakura's eyes move towards the stump where Bazett's left arm used to be. She doesn't have to fake her sympathetic tone, her empathy ... She doesn't know everything about what happened to her during her time with Kotomine, but she can imagine a lot. 

"I know." Bazett's voice still sounds tired. 

Sakura opens the thermos. "... you know?"

Bazett sighs. "Yes." She turns to look at Sakura. "Come on, Matou. Do you really think, after all this time, I don't know a good cop, bad cop routine when I see one?"

Sakura takes a moment for that comment to process. "Oh dear. What did she say to you now?"

"Tohsaka?" The woman laughs bitterly. "If I had half my old strength and my ..." She looks over at her stump and shakes her head. "I'd have crushed her. Threatening to hand me over to the Association for killing one of our own. For failing my objective. Potentially compromising a Sealing Designation operation." Bazett stares hard into Sakura's eyes. "And worse ... having me stay over at Zelretch's Workshop."

This time, Sakura sighs. _Neesan, you really need to work on your bedside manner. Literally. Like a lot._  

"She ..." Sakura feels awkward, again, for apologizing for her sister. "Tohsaka-chan really needs to learn how to ask people nicely for things."

"Please. You can stop pretending now."

Sakura stops herself from pouring the contents of the thermos into one of the cups. "... pardon?"

"I know the two of you are related." Bazett mutters. "Sisters most likely. Damn, you look like those Edelfelt sisters from my dreams ..."

"Edelfelt sisters?" Sakura arches one eyebrow, completely taken aback. As far as she knows, there is only one prominent Edelfelt these days, Luviagelita, or so Rin had told her. Then she processes what Bazett said to her. At first, she feels shock at the former Enforcer having recognized their lineage, but she wouldn't have been an Enforcer if she hadn't had some attention to detail. And for all Rin's abilities, subtlety is not one of them ... which brings her to her next thought ...

"Oh no." Sakura groans. "You didn't tell her that we looked like Edelfelts, did you ..."

"... yeah." Bazett says, for a few moments actually looking abashed. "The priest had to restrain her." Her chuckle is a little lighter now. "Told her that I was just getting over my delirium. That was about the second, or third, real time she threatened my life." She actually shrugs. "I've heard the rumours but, honestly, none of my business and I don't really give a damn either way." 

"I see." So much for making this easier than it already was. If Bazett had thrown this tidbit of information in her sister's face, in light of everything they'd gone through, and especially after she had threatened her life, there was no way Rin would turn over Bazett to the Association. Rin would kill her first, or posture a lot in saying that she would. Sakura had figured out a long time ago that Rin's cold-hearted exterior was just a mask. Shirou had pretty much exhausted all of its endurance in her presence. What happened with Sakura just served to create the final shattering blow. But if Bazett had threatened them ...

"I'm not sure how much she told you." Bazett says as Sakura decides to keep pouring the tea into the two cups. "But you know enough to realize I'm not going back to the Association. One way or another. I'm not going to tell them anything, because I don't know anything beyond what Kirei ..." Her voice breaks. She coughs. "Trust me, they might be angry that you and the Church held a former Enforcer captive, but they would be far more displeased with me. And I'd rather they execute me than for her to hand me over to that mad vampire instead."

"So you did kill their observer?" Sakura hands one of the cups over to Bazett. 

The former Enforcer looks at the cup, as she always does when Sakura visits. It's one of those things she feels bad about. She doesn't tell Shirou about Bazett and her ... captivity here. It was one of the promises she made Rin. If Shirou knew about Bazett and what happened to her, he would have put her up at the residence: even at great cost to his weakened self. Rin didn't want to take any more risks than necessary, and Sakura had to agree with her. Their family was more important than one life, even if it was someone to which she could greatly empathize. Then, as always, Bazett takes the cup -- knowing there is no point in looking for poison or another substance in it -- and takes a sip. 

"Yes." She admits. "I told the priest that much. The truth is ... as a Sealing Designation Enforcer, we are low on the Association's hierarchy. Most of us hunt heretics, wannabe Dead Apostles and other magi that the leadership want captured. Essentially, we make sure that the world doesn't discover the existence of thaumaturgy: erasing minds or, if necessary, lives to protect our craft. Actual Sealing Designations are rare. But, well ... Getting the Holy Grail would be enough. It'd be better than a Sealing Designation for some Hermit or Philosopher. A powerful wish-fulfillment device."

"And you never wanted it?"

"Heh. Kirei asked me that too ..." She's quiet for a moment. "But no. I come from an old family. We left the Association ages ago, but we have our own unique Mysteries. I wanted to better myself. To be more than a Hermit. The Association didn't think I was good enough, but I stayed on as an Enforcer ... to bide my time. To prove myself. If I had gotten that prize ... It would've gotten me a lot of recognition. Maybe even more resources. I didn't need to use the thing myself. I wanted to earn my place and it would have done so ... or they'd just thank me for my services, and kill me." Bazett shrugs again. "Maybe it's karma for what I did to my associate, or my own vanity."

Sakura picks up her cup. "And that's all. That's the only reason why you entered this War?"

"Sealing Designation Enforcers, for all name, are just dogs of the Association. We are basically mercenaries that answer to the hierarchy, and retrieve valuable magecraft research and criminals. I just wanted to show them how effective I truly was. The observer might've interfered when I entered the War and tried to become a Master instead."

"And you summoned Lancer." Sakura says.

Bazett grows quiet. But her eyes bore right into Sakura's. She studies her for a few long moments. "So you do talk."

Sakura shakes her head, sitting down with her cup of tea across from Bazett's bedside. She decides not to say anything. Sometimes when she tries to lead the conversation, Bazett shuts down. The woman looks down at her tea and sips it. She is looking very far away. "I told the priest and Tohsaka about Lancer. I didn't have him long."

Kotomine took Lancer from Bazett. Sakura knows that much. "He ..." Sakura doesn't know why she's saying this. "He tried to kill someone I really care about ..."

"Emiya, right?" 

This time, Sakura's the one to stare hard at Bazett. "What did you say?"

Bazett sighs. "He talked about him. Almost all the time."

Sakura watches as Bazett's eyes grow farther away. "He could have killed me, you know. He should have. I really trusted him. I thought he was my friend." She chuckles, dark and bitter. "We fought alongside each other back when he was an Executor. I looked up to him. I would never have ..." She grits her teeth and her fingers clench around her cup. "He called me into this Church. I left Lancer outside. I was so proud of achieving this. Then he ..." She looks down at where her arm used to be. "Just like that. And then ... he kept me alive.

"Kirei was always a really effective healer. Even before he joined the Association under Tohsaka. It was a clean cut. I survived. And he left me with ..." Bazett starts breathing hard.

Sakura wants to reach over. She doesn't care about the politics or plans. She sees a woman in pain. But she also sees how rigid the other's posture is. She's proud. She's had so much of her pride taken from her already. She doesn't want to take anymore of it. So she waits. If there is one thing she is better at than Tohsaka Rin, it is waiting.

"Those poor children." Bazett hisses, helpless fury burning in her eyes. "I wasn't always conscious. But he made sure I was. When he told me about the boy, the last survivor of the last War ... how my Lancer stabbed him through the chest. And then he ... he had that golden Servant come in ..." Real fear begins to bloom in Bazett's eyes. "And he ... he drained all those energies from those children ... from ... from me ..." Tears drip down Bazett's face. "And then ... then Kirei told me that ... because of Lancer's failures ... he made him ... he made him do the exact same thing to other ... to other families ... men, women and ... and children ..." Bazett shudders. "I'm not sure what made Kirei laugh more ... when I raged at him, or when I was crying ... It was the happiest I'd ever seen him.  The _happiest._ He kept me alive, in that basement ... and I just wanted to do him a favour, to rely on me ... and he ... he thanked me." Bazett is shaking hard now. "That bastard _thanked_ me. I ... I ... 

"I just wanted to save him, you know. My Lancer. Cu Chulainn. He was my hero. He all wanted was a good fight. And Kirei ... that evil piece of shit made him eat the souls of children ... and treated him like a dog. He didn't even know I was still alive. And Kirei made sure I knew everything."

_... kept me alive, in that basement ... The happiest I'd ever seen him ..._

_... I just wanted to save him ..._

Sakura doesn't care anymore. She put down her cup and finds herself holding Bazett in her arms. The other woman is shaking hard. Her semblance of pride is shattered. Tears are coming down Sakura's face. She rubs the other woman's back as she cries. "I-I kept going in and out of consciousness ... after a while, I think Kirei lost interest in me. Even the golden man stopped coming. I was in that ... that basement. Had dreams of a tattooed boy ... a Servant, telling me everything was going to be okay ... We fought other Masters and Servants. I think the dreams kept repeating until ... the priests came. The Father. I heard the others found ... the children. The last thing I remember is Kirei telling me my Lancer got devoured by a Shadow ... that he was gone." 

Sakura is glad the other woman can't see the tremendous pang of guilt hitting her in the chest. She feels the other grow rigid. But her trembling has stopped. Slowly, Sakura removes her arms from the other woman. She's kind of relieved to do so. Bazett's face is a red, runny mess. She looks tired, but not exhausted anymore. Sakura can't even imagine how long she had held that grief inside of her. She ignores the voice telling her that Bazett had lost someone just like her Senpai, she would have felt the same pain she did if he had been gone, that she had nearly killed him herself ... 

That she had taken Bazett's Senpai away from her.

"Thank you." Bazett coughs, reaching for some tissues to blow her nose. "For all this is a good cop, bad cop routine, you're a lot nicer than your sister."

"Neesan isn't a bad person." Sakura replies, wiping her own eyes, and wanting to defend one of the central people that kept her from remaining a monster. 

Bazett manages a weak smile. "I didn't say she was. I said she wasn't nice. That she was a bad cop. Whatever person she really is, with you or Emiya, has nothing to do with it." She shakes her head. "Emiya was a sore spot with Tohsaka too. Don't worry. I know enough. Even if I could go back to the Association, I'd never turn him over to them. If he survived Kirei, he deserves to live." 

"... thank you, Bazett-san." Sakura doesn't know why she's saying that, but somehow it seems right to do so. 

It takes a while, but gradually they both regain their composure. Sakura has trouble looking Bazett in the face, more than she ever has before. What can she do? What can she do to make up for this? She'd always remembered, vaguely, instinctively, Lancer's last moments with ... True Assassin and the Shadow. She wanted to have been wrong. She thinks about it, and she realizes something.

"Bazett-san?" She asks. "Neesan told you about what we wanted. What can we do for you?"

At first, it seems as though Bazett hasn't heard her. Her eyes are faraway again, but there is a light in them. Sakura realizes she did hear her. She is just assessing. Considering.

"I need a suit." She says.

"A suit?" Sakura doesn't understand.

"A two piece. A Westerner suit." Bazett looks down at herself. "And a red-violet tie. Some gloves. I also ... need to cut this hair." 

"All right." Sakura says. "Some scissors too. We can do that."

"I know your ... your sister's family's connections to Zelretch. I saw the blade on her. We heard stories about that sword." Bazett murmurs thoughtfully. "Tohsaka told me that you need me to look at some Celtic artifacts. I want to be where those artifacts are so that I can do this properly. Even if they're with the vampire himself."

It was what Rin wanted to begin with. Sakura likes to think that if Rin had just talked to Bazett like a human being instead of a potentially unstable asset, she could have achieved this much on her own. "That can be done. And ... what else?"

Bazett pauses. "I can tell her the layout of 'The Bottom of the Bridge,' below the British Museum," she shakes her head, "where the Sealing Designated are kept. As much as I know about it. But it is going to cost her." She stares directly into Sakura's eyes. "I want to get out of Fuyuki and away from the Association. And ..." She pauses. "I want to be with Cu Chulainn." 

"With ... Lancer?" Sakura's eyes widen. "Bazett-san ... we can't ... bring him back. Heaven's Feel has been destroyed. And even if it wasn't we don't have enough mana to ..."

"No." Bazett says firmly. "Your sister is the apprentice of the Kaleidoscope. The deal is this: you will take me to a world where Lancer still exists. Where there is no other counterpart to me, and he is alive. You will take me to that world, and you will leave me there with him."

"But ..." Sakura tries to find the words. "Bazett-san ... he won't be your Lancer." 

"I know that!" Bazett snaps, before sighing and letting her tone soften. "But he will be Cu Chulainn. I want another choice. I don't care about anything else. And that is enough." 

Sakura almost tells her that Rin doesn't have the ability to send other people into parallel worlds yet. She can only take energy from those worlds. It is her mentor that sends her and Saber to other places, even now. But she knows that Rin and Zelretch, have been looking for a powerful Irish magus to deal with the artifacts Rin retrieved from multiple timelines: that Rin's and Zelretch's plans seemingly coincided in this particular case. So she stops herself. She knows that this stipulation is non-negotiable. Sakura can understand that all too well. And as she looks at the light in Bazett's eyes: the first strong emotion she has seen in them ever, she sees that It is more than desperation. It is hope.

"I'll have to talk with Neesan." Sakura says after a time. "But ... I think, Bazett-san, that we might have a deal." 

As Bazett Fraga McRemitz seems to actually, almost smile, Sakura really hopes that Rin knows what she's doing. 


	60. Chapter 60

Shirou plays with Saber's _ahoge_. 

He isn't sure why he never really noticed it before. But there it is. This one strand of hair that keeps sticking up out of her head. Some call this _ahoge_ , or idiot hair, but Shirou knows Saber is no idiot. Right now, they are in her guest room, their bodies still wrapped around each other. Somewhere in the night, he had become flaccid again, or she had gradually, internally, pushed him out of her. His crotch feels sticky, and a little cold from being inside of her, but she has curled herself around him and he has definitely wrapped his arms around her, their mutual body warmth almost making up for it. 

Her head rests on his chest, and that was when he noticed it. That one piece of golden hair. At first, he tried smoothing it down. But it wouldn't stick. He pressed on it, but it, or another came up again. After a while, he just begins fidgeting with it, feeling the rise and fall of her chest on his lower body. He marvels at her. She looks so small, but peaceful. _Happy_ , is the word he's looking for. And ... he's happy too. She's finally in his arms, where she belongs.

Shirou's thoughts aren't the mental gymnastics of the high jumps he used to undertake at the Academy so long ago now. It's different, holding her, being with her than it is with Rider, or Sakura. Hell, he definitely knows that if and when he visits Tohsaka, it will definitely not be the same as this. He loves all of them. Sakura has been there for him since the very beginning, always taking care of him, and helping him. The fact that he had to save her, makes him love her even harder, knowing that he'd almost lost her. He admits, to himself, that he is vastly protective of Sakura after everything her supposed family put her through. Rider is aloof, very introspective, but she likes to do quiet and often random things. During the War, they worked together to save Sakura ... and they actually made a decent team of their own. She likes to read to him, while at the same time corner him in his Workshop, or take him to her room. She doesn't reveal herself to just anyone, and he feels special whenever she feels comfortable enough to do so with him. And the sex was ... he has to admit, he feels something very different when he's with her than he ever had before. He and Rin always bicker, but there is an energy between them: a frenetic pulse that just makes it as though he can't pull away from her. It's more than the fact that she saved his life before he ever knew about Masters and Servants. He wants to keep engaging. The hardest was when he left her Mansion, when he stopped talking with her for a while. It hurt him a lot more than he thought it would. He's glad that they talked ... that he could comfort her. That he will see her again.

But Saber ... he almost lost her too. If Rin had saved him from Lancer's death blow, Saber saved him again. She came through that hidden summoning circle like an avenging angel. She put up with his ineptitude as a magus and a Master, and she died once ... saving him again. And even when she was corrupted, she did not go out of her way to kill him, or even hurt him. There had always been a part of her loyalty to him still there. She was something special and magical to him: a moment that happened that he would never get back, that day when she came up and fought Lancer and asked that fateful question of him. 

_I ask of you, are you my Master?_

Thinking about what she said last night, how she said it, turns him semi-hard again. He expected that from Sakura's gentle teasing, or Rider's more direct, explicit dirty-talking, but not his Saber. Tohsaka must have really influenced her ... and he finds that he can't complain. Not after how spectacular last night was, but more than that she's here. She's in his arms and she's alive, and almost as whole as anyone could be after going through the tribulations that she had. He grips her, a part of him almost afraid that she will dissolve into golden dust motes in his arms. 

 _Like hell I'm letting you go._ He thinks fiercely. _Like hell I'm going to let anything happen to any of you. I'll protect you. I'll protect you all._  

He loved them too much to do anything else. 

"Shirou ..." Saber murmurs. "I'd appreciate it if you stopped doing that ..."

That is when he sees her looking up at him, sleepily, as he curls her _ahoge_ around his finger. He swallows and unwinds it, letting it go. "Oh ... I'm sorry. I ... I was just ..."

Saber smiles softly up at him and kisses his chest. "I know. It's all right. Rin plays with it all the time."

"Does she stop when you tell her?" Shirou can already hazard a guess.

Saber's sigh merely confirms it. "She needs ... more incentive to stop." 

"I see." Shirou's face flushes. Saber sees this, but doesn't look away. She smiles. He realizes how ridiculous this modesty is, given how deep they are all into it right now. Then she looks down. "I see you might need some incentive yourself."

"Um ..." All words seem to leave Shirou's head and travel to its opposite location. "I think I already had that from last night."

"Well ..." A strange, small smile comes to Saber's lips. "I think I need some prana."

"You ..." Shirou's half-formed words die on his lips as Saber's travel down his chest, and his abdomen. He feels himself growing rock hard.

She looks up at him, as her lips brush his inner thigh. Her green eyes are mesmerizing. She wraps one hand around his cock, still slick with their exertions from last night. She looks down at it. "I always wanted to know what it tasted like." She admits, quietly. She lowers her lips around his head and he feels her tongue flicker around it. Shirou twitches. 

"Didn't you ..." Shirou tries very hard to make proper words. "Didn't you already?"

He almost regrets it when she removes her lips and tongue from his cock to look up at him again. "A bit." She smiles in a way that doesn't help abate his erection. "I have generally taken prana from Rin in a similar way." She looks down at his cock, her look that of fascination. "But you are different." she lowers her lips down on his cock again. 

It's fairly clear what Saber is trying to say. It is amazing, to Shirou, that his mind hasn't melted at this point. Or that he never seems to get tired of this. Her hand strokes his shaft, slowly, while she licks his glans. It feels good, but a bit distracting. There is a part of him that wants to tell her he needs more pressure with her hand, that her tongue needs to be below the head. It's almost there, but not. But he is enjoying her touch, and her mouth and the way she is exploring him. There is another matter. As it goes on, somehow, he feels himself building up. It's almost agony. He wants to grab her head and feel her golden hair in his fingers. He hisses as she takes her other hand and grips his. But she hasn't been with a man before. She might know what happens next, but he's afraid she might not be used to it ... or prepared.

"Saber ..." He moans. "Saber, I'm going to ..."

It's like last night all over again. She had been going down on him then, and he was afraid. But she looks up at him, and her eyes are filled with a singular determination. That alone is enough to finish him. He grips her hand, her holding his back, as the orgasm rips from his balls up his shaft and through his sputtering, swollen head into Saber's mouth. He sees her eyes widen, but she doesn't stop. For a few moments, his visions blanks out.

_A young girl, wrapping her hands around the hilt of a sword in a stone ... sacrificing her humanity ... becoming golden and perfect. Embracing the ideal ..._

"Saber ..." Shirou moans as he feels her ingest his ecstasy, her body weight gently holding his down as his body trembles.

They lie there for a few moments. Shirou has broken his promise, he thinks ... and is stroking her hair. Slowly, almost painfully, he feels her withdraw her lips from his cock. He sees her. Her green eyes are a little murky, and a stream of his semen trickles down the side of her mouth. She looks at it, curiously, brushing it with one finger before putting it past her lips, letting her tongue run over it. 

"Well." Saber says. "You make a larger mess than Rin."

"Yeah ..." Shirou murmurs, a little abashed, but robbed of a weight that he didn't know he still had. "Guys do that."

"Hmm ..." She nods. "It tastes like iron." She rubs her stomach. "It is satisfactory."

"I'm ... glad?" Shirou replies, wondering what it would have been like if he had known prana transfer could be like this during the War, and deciding that it doesn't really matter. 

"You should be." Saber moves back up and settles her cheek on his chest again. "Without Rin, I need to get my prana from my Master." 

Shirou's cock twitches again, somehow. Saber looks at him askance. "Shirou?" She looks up and down. "Does that really ..."

"Yes, Saber." Shirou says. "Sometimes ... sometimes Rider says that, though obviously it's different. As you were ... you are my Servant. She called it ... power play, maybe." Shirou shakes his head. 

"i think I understand." Saber murmurs against his chest. "Because it is forbidden, but because we both know that, and agree to it ... it feels really good. Playing with the power dynamic. Outside of this, we would never abuse it on others, or each other. But because we, well, trust each other ..."

Shirou nods, and wonders if she can see him nodding from where she is. "I know you are so much more to me than my Servant."

Saber looks up at him. "I think of myself as your Servant, but that's just a part of it. You're my Master. You will always be, but we are friends. Comrades. And, well ..." Her face blushes. "Definitely lovers. We are a part of each other. Even before this, when Avalon was in you. This is good."

"Yes." Shirou says. "It is." 

Shirou's brow furrows. There is something bothering him. 

"Shirou?" Saber shifts and brings herself under his arm, looking up at his face. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah." Shirou says. "It's just ... It's hard to explain."

Saber kisses his neck and keeps her head there. "We have time."

"When we were under the Mountain." He says. "I was drawing on Archer's memories. Before you found me, I ... I know I couldn't summon Excalibur. It's not ... human made, right? But I could make its image. If you hadn't found me, I would have tried to use it on Angra Mainyu, but it would have cost ..."

Saber holds him tightly. "I'm glad I made it in time. Despite everything. But, Shirou? Why are you thinking about this right now?"

"When I ... when we ..." 

"When I drank your prana."

Shirou chuckles. "Yeah. I saw you. Another vision through our bond. You were taking a sword out of the stone. Like the legend." He turns to look at her. "But that wasn't Excalibur, was it? You got that from the Lady of the Lake. And it ... didn't look like the image I had in my head."

"It wasn't." Saber says, quietly. "The Sword in the Stone was different from Excalibur. That one was Caliburn. The Sword of Selection. For a King. I ... broke that sword long ago."

"You ..." Shirou paused. "You broke it?"

:Yes. Early in my reign, I had to make a difficult choice. I had to break the ... rules of chivalry during an engagement." Shame blooms on Saber's face. "I'm not proud of it. But it was necessary. To save my people."

"You don't have to justify it to me." Shirou says, his fierce protectiveness coming back to him. "You don't have to justify anything to me, Saber. Ever."

"Thank you." Saber smiles softly. Shirou leans forward and kisses the top of her head, where her strand of hair sticks out. "That destroyed my sword. I gained Excalibur later. And then Avalon, which arrested my aging instead of Caliburn. I ... I still miss that blade, despite everything." She looks at Shirou. "You saw my old sword in our bond. What do you think that means, Shirou?"

"Hmm." Shirou murmurs. "I'm not sure ... but I think ... I think my treatments have been working very well. And I might ..." He looks directly at her. "I think with your help, Saber, I might be able to bring it back. I might be able to Project Caliburn and ..." He sees memories of all the times Saber used Caliburn as King ... of older swords, the mythic predecessors to Caliburn ... Gram and Merodach ...  and more. So much more. "I think I might be able to Project some other Noble Phantasms again." 


	61. Chapter 61

It didn't take Rin long to find the old MacKenzie residence. 

It is exactly where Lord El-Melloi said it would be. In fact, it wasn't even that far from the sites of the Matou and Tohsaka residences in Miyama Town: right in the foreigners' district. It is a homely place: comfortable and solid. It is complete with its own yard and a roof with an old antenna. It is a house that would look more at home in North America or Europe. In fact, if it weren't for the fact that Shirou's father bought property in the traditional district, Rin believes that Shirou would have probably fit a lot more into this particular setting. 

According to her own research into the matter, there wasn't anything particularly special about the place. The house belonged to an elderly couple, a Mr. and Mrs. MacKenzie -- some Australian expatriates -- who passed away some time ago. According to official records, their property passed on to their son, and then their grandson: whom apparently lives back in Australia, and owns the lease. Unofficially, Rin understands that with the power of hypnosis and hard currency, agreements and documents can be signed under various proxies: mere child's play for even the most minor Lord of the Clock Tower.

This did not surprise Rin. It also doesn't surprise Rin when she walks across the property, and feels the presence of a Bounded Field. She imagines that, to outsiders, the property looks lived in by a local suburban family: complete with a car and children playing in the front yard. Hell, there might even be a family dog in there for good measure. Even without these embellishments, she sees that the property is maintained extremely well: perhaps even lovingly so. It's as though time has stood still for the MacKenzie residence. Rin can't help but chuckle as she sees an old car on the driveway. It is not an illusion. Everything looks like it is about a decade old, but the driveway is clear, the windows clean, the lawn freshly mowed, and not a hint of dust or dirt on the house and its front door. 

Rin walks up to the door. She avoids touching her coat pocket, where she is carrying the substance, before she actually knows what is going on. She sees a door bell button, but decides to knock on the door. It doesn't take long to get a response. The door opens and if Rin hadn't been told about her before, this would definitely have given her some pause for a whole other reason. It would look like a maid, complete with a Western European black uniform and white frills, and long luxurious hair: save that her "hair" and "skin' are all liquid silver. In fact, she is made of mercury, to be more precise. 

"Miss Tohsaka." The automaton says in a clicking, chiming voice. "You are expected. Welcome."

"Um ..." Rin still processes the situation. "Hello ... Trimmau, is it?"

"Affirmative." The construct states as she reaches over and closes the door behind her. "Come with me if you want to live."

Rin blinks. "Pardon?"

"This way, please." The maid bows and walks away from Rin. Rin stares at the retreating figure, reconsidering the wisdom of this premise. Then she sighs, brushing her hair back and follows the golem into the house. 

It is even homier on the inside of the residence. A staircase leads upstairs to some rooms, and they walk past a living room. Finally, they come to a relatively spacious -- and spotless -- kitchen. For some reason, Rin believes that Shirou would approve of this. There is a large table, and some comfortable wooden chairs. Tea is brewing on a nearby kettle. She expects to see Lord El-Melloi sitting at the table, with a cigar out of one part of his mouth, and reading some video game magazines that he has "grudgingly" received from his patronage to some of his favourite _Admirable Great Tactics_ games. Perhaps he will even be wearing that particularly obnoxious T-shirt of his: obviously in red. 

Rin already knows there is something different when she notices three things. First, there is no smell of cigar smoke. Second, there is no pot of coffee brewing. Rin couldn't help make fun of "Mr. Charisma," as his other students liked to call him, for not being a proper "Englishman noble" and enjoying coffee instead of tea. 

The third thing was Reines El-Melloi Archisorte sitting comfortably at the head of the table as if she owned the entire place. 

Trimmau bows to the young woman, and heads towards the kettle on the stove. 

"Tohsaka Rin." Reines smiles. Rin already makes a comparison between her and Illya, save that she has straight white-blonde hair and aquamarine eyes the shade of ice.

"Lady Reines." Rin bows, not being stupid. Proper decorum needs to be maintained for the moment. 

"Please." Reines waves her forward. "Sit. Trimmau was just making some tea for us. It seems that we have some business that we need to discuss."

Rin nods. "Yes, of course." She sees three places are set. Rin keeps her face carefully deferential. This is what she wanted. She was going to do this business with the El-Melloi faction as planned. But she didn't expect to meet their current Head so soon. At the same time, it doesn't completely surprise her. Even so, the young woman seated at the head of the table is regal, higher class nobility. She stands out in the homey surroundings of the household. There is just something ... unnatural about seeing her here, even though this is also Rin's first time at the MacKenzie residence. 

"It is quite rustic, is it not?" Reines says as Rin sits down at the end of the table, where the place mat has been set, avoiding the one right next to the El-Melloi Head. "Who knew my brother had a taste for such quaint things, beyond his games of course." 

"I imagine it has a lot of sentimental value to him, from what I've gathered." Rin replies, wondering if this much knowledge on her part, from their time talking about the Wars together, is too much. 

"Indeed." Reines acquiesces casually. "The current Lord El-Melloi is relatively frugal, all things considered. But he, like the other Lords and their respective factions, have their own expenses. And this wasn't difficult to find and secure. Hidden right in plain sight." 

"I see." Rin nods as Trimmau comes forward with a tray, spoons, sugar pot, kettle, teacups, and saucers that definitely stand out in a place like this. She waits for the maid golem to place their tea down along with the rest of the utensils. 

"That will be all, Trimmau." Reines says. "Leave us."

Rin isn't sure if Reines can see the golem from her position at the table but she leaves, and Rin can swear that she sees the maid giving them both two thumbs up. She waits until Reines takes a sip of her tea, before doing the same. 

"I know what you want to ask." Reines says, looking at the space beside her, with the tea cup and tea but no guest as of yet. "You want to know where my brother is, correct?"

Rin knows this is a test. She has heard things about Reines, from time to time, from Lord El-Melloi. She should be careful. But she is also genuinely curious and they are, theoretically, here to do business. "Yes, Lady Reines." She says. "I got a letter from him a few days ago. After he analyzed the sample. He told me to meet him here."

Even before Reines smiles, Rin already realizes that the letter didn't come from Lord El-Melloi. "Sadly, my brother couldn't make it." The young woman takes another sip of her tea. "He had a few duties to perform between the Clock Tower, his Department, and our family, of course."

 _And in which order is that?_ is the question that Rin doesn't have to ask. Instead, she nods. "I understand."

"Do you now?" Reines gives her a scrutinizing look. 

"I understand that Lord El-Melloi must incredibly busy." Rin replies. "And that you, may, have been suitably intrigued by my proposal to see what it is about for yourself?" Rin hates the fact that she's almost channeling Kirei and his false deferential tone to the point of having it sound true. That last thought is the only reason she feels any better about this situation.

"Hm." Reines puts down her teacup. "I am interested in the formula. It could save me and my family a considerable amount of time and anguish. Have you brought it with you?"

"With all due respect, Lady Reines." Rin says. "Perhaps we should, as you said earlier, talk business first."

"Business, or terms?" The smile on the young woman's face is cold. 

"Lord El-Melloi said he would need to go over the terms with you first." 

"He did." Reines says. "And I have to say, for someone who knows honorifics and protocol, you have a certain degree of nerve to presume this much."

"I don't presume anything, Lady Reines." Rin takes a sip of the tea. It really is quite good. Not as rich as her Archer would have made, granted, and something that Shirou himself still needs to work on for all of his more considerable talents in the kitchen, but more than passable. It tastes like tea too. She suspects, however, that if the Head of the El-Melloi wished to kill her, even as she is now it would been far sooner: and she has much to lose if she tries. "It is public record, at the Clock Tower, that the El-Melloi have fallen on hard times since the death of your predecessor a decade ago. Though it's true that Lord El-Melloi already created ... what was the title of that work Lord El-Melloi compiled. Ah yes: 'Lord Kayneth's Encyclopedia of Arcane Secrets.' I have to say that for all of his brilliance, your brother really sucks at naming things."

"Candor. I like that." Reines grins and Rin knows enough to realize what a shark looks like. "My brother compiled together my late uncle's works after his untimely death, it's true. That was a major part of his duty to the family."

"I can barely imagine how frustrating that must have been." Rin continues, deciding to take on another tone. "Kayneth Archibald was a top rate lecturer. He never once thought he would be defeated. Ever. There must have been so much research and work he created that only he really knew the ins and outs for: a lot of which he didn't get around to inscribing before his Magic Crest was compromised." 

"Now you presume too much." Reines tone is still pleasant, and somehow that really bothers Rin more than if the woman got angry. She didn't have to add the silent statement. _My family may be greatly reduced, but we still have our connections and we can more than easily have you killed ... or those you love._  

"You misunderstand, Lady Reines." Rin says, partly cautious, but somehow enjoying playing with fire at the same time. "During the Third War, my family lost much research and lore as well. Thankfully our Head and heir at the time were not killed or incapacitated --"

"You compare your little backwater conflicts to _my_ family's loss?" Reines shakes her head. "You really need to work on your pitch, Tohsaka. You already know that after my Uncle Kayneth died, the family and its rivals tore us apart. By the time the main line of the El-Melloi came to me, there was almost nothing. We, who were only second to the Barthomeloi, reduced to ... well ..." Reines shrugs. "I don't want to repeat myself. The fact that my Uncle died in an idiot decision to enter your savage, stupid little wars for his own vainglory, mangling his magecraft and our Crest in the process, really doesn't help you very much in terms of wanting us to owe you ... what was it? A ... 'favour?'"

"Is it that inconceivable?" Rin avoids looking at the third place at the table, considering that Lord El-Melloi has been confirmed to not even be on the property, possibly not even in the country. "I am an apprentice of Lord Zelretch the Kaleidoscope and Second Magician." Rin folds her arms in front of her. "Surely that has to count for something in your blue-blood ideology."

"Oh yes. It just means that at some point you will be deranged and discarded by the Lord Second once you, like so many others before and after you, fail him." Reines shakes her head. "You show a little bit of promise, and you let it get to your head ... before his madness does."

"Well. That's all the more reason for you to want to take my bargain." Rin can't help but let a Cheshire cat's smile form across her face. "You know: before I go mad and forget."

Reines laughs. "Oh. Oh this rich." She claps her hands together. "You really are something, aren't you Tohsaka Rin."

"I told you she would be." A familiar voice states from the corner of the room. "I warned you that Rin has almost no class."

 _Luvia_. 

The Edelfelt magus steps into the room from another corridor. Rin isn't surprised to see her. Illya had warned her about her visit a day or so ago. And she had seen her around with her familiars. Reines nods and Luvia sits down, right at the woman's right hand side. 

"Luvia." Rin says. "I have to say, Lady Reines. Hiring a hyena to prowl around in another magus' territory ... I have to say, I expected better from the El-Melloi faction."

Reines shrugs. "I had a discount. As it turns out, the Edelfelts have something of a ... disagreement with the Tohsaka."

"That's an understatement, Lady Reines." Luvia takes up her tea and sips it. "Delicious. Hm. But yes. During the Third War that Rin mentioned to insult us both, her family stole our secrets."

"As I recall from my father." Rin says, "who recalled it from my grandfather, and my _grandmother_ ... it was quite consensual." Despite her position at the moment, Rin smiles. "Besides, doesn't that Ore Scales Sorcery Trait allow two more of your line to inherit your Crest at the same time?"

Luvia's eyes narrow into dangerous slits, but she smiles anyway. "Well, if we are going to trade family secrets, Rin, I do have to say that Ore Scales may have helped _you_ a lot more than it did my generation."

Rin doesn't know how the other woman does it. But, right now, she would like nothing more than to pop a Gandr in the back of her head. Multiple times. And judging from Luvia's body language, she seems to feel the same. 

Reines seems nonplussed, but greatly entertained. "It didn't take much on anyone's part to realize that Matou Sakura was your father's spare: given to that degenerate Matou Zouken. I almost feel sorry for her."

Rin slowly gets up. "You know, Lady Reines. You said I was the one who was bad at making pitches." She holds up her hands as she realizes that against what she faces, fighting back would only delay the inevitable, even if she reaches for her sword. "Here I was, through my goodwill to your brother, going to restore your family Crest: to take all that knowledge in the badly titled tome he cobbled together, the same information he's using to piece together the turgid Magic Circuits in the Core Crest, and all I wanted in return was a favour. Some good will even." She shakes her head. "But I see even that was too much for you."

She looks at a smirking Luvia. "You hire a mercenary to intrude on my domain. On my land. You threaten the people under my protection. You insult _my family_. And you threaten me on my land. My territory." Her blue eyes narrow into cobalt slits. "I am the Second Owner of this land. And this place, here, is part of that domain. I only let it pass because of my respect for my teacher. But I have resources that you really don't want to fuck with. You and ... her." Rin points at Luvia dismissively. "What do you plan to do?"

Reines looks at Rin. Suddenly, her blue eyes begin to glow a fiery red. Rin knows Mystic Eyes when she sees them. But before she can react, she realizes that her mind is clear and she can still move. Reines is looking at her sword hilt, but then she moves that gaze away ... to her pocket. 

_Well, crap._

"I see." Rin says as the other's smile widens. "You can detect Magical Energy. That's useful."

"Quite." Reines nods. "Luviagelita, please take the formula from Tohsaka." 

Luvia saunters over to Rin, with her index finger pointed and her thumb pulled back. "You really were dumb enough to bring it." She reaches into the pocket and takes out the vial. 

Rin shakes her head. "That won't be enough to restore your Crest. That's just a slightly better sample."

"Perhaps." Reines says as remains at Rin's side. "But after I secure your sister, and your familiars ... along with the Emiya boy, we should be able to do the rest. Trimmau will be back soon with a geis contract for you. A standard one. I recognize your work, and as such, I'm willing to let you live so long as the Tohsaka and your ... alliance, become vassals of the El-Melloi faction." She looks over at Luvia. "Your Crest will, of course, be analyzed by our allies in the Edelfelts to reclaim their lost property. That was part of our deal, was it not Luviagelita?" 

"Indeed it is." Luvia says. 

"Of course, after this your geis contract will be activated. And the formula will remain safely in El-Melloi hands." Reines says. 

Luvia and Rin almost exchange a look. Of course there was a hypnosis clause in Luvia's contract. There is no way that Reines would want to share the ability to regenerate Magic Crests with anyone else. 

"So our new deal," Reines says, her voice calm, as Trimmau approaches with another tray, this one with a piece of paper on it, "is that we let you live as our servant. Your familiars and their secrets will be dissected by us. You and your sister will remain unharmed so long as you comply and you can continue your duties as Second Land Owner and the Second Magician's apprentice."

Rin's eyes narrow. "And what about Shirou?" She looks directly at Luvia. "You said it wasn't part of your mission to hurt him."

Luvia at least as the decency to look a little embarrassed. "I would have loved to ... test his abilities, I admit."

"I'm sure you would."

Luvia scowls at her. "I promised to find where he was. What the El-Melloi do with that isn't in my purview."

 _Though I can tell, you don't like it. You'd prefer to test Shirou in combat ... or something._ Rin rolls her eyes. 

"His father destroyed my Uncle." Reines adds, as though explaining simple addition to a child. "Though my Uncle was a fool, Emiya's punishment should mollify my elders and make it clear that my adherence to my family is absolute." 

"Your Uncle tried to fight a duel in what was really a war." Rin says, without a trace of sympathy in her voice. "Or, speaking plainly? He brought a knife to a gun fight. And he got what he paid for. A child, an adopted child, shouldn't have to pay for the mistakes of an adult, or the stupidity of a magus who knew better."

Reines eyes glitter. "Perhaps. But now you will sign this --"

_"Fervor, mei sanguis."_

The tray that Trimmau carried drops with a tremendous clatter. Before Reines can react, Trimmau becomes a glob of mercury, sliding away from her, to another figure entering the room.

_"Dilectus incrisio ... Scalp!"_

A long silvery tendril lashes out from a congealed mercurial ball, its pointed tip sailing towards Reines' neck.

 _"... manere."_ Lord El-Melloi II intones, walking next to the spherical mercury that used to be Trimmau. The tendril stops inches away from Reines' neck. 

Reines' face remains impassive as the tall man with long, dark brown hair in a red coat and yellow scarf walks into the room. Rin smells his trademark tobacco in the air and, she has to admit, that for the first time in her entire life she is glad to do so. Lord El-Melloi keeps his hands in his pockets. Rin notices Luvia relaxing. She turns to Rin. Rin nods back. Reines continues to watch all of this. 

"Brother." Reines says, her tone even, almost eerily calm. "I have to admit, I did not see this coming. Who knew someone as honourable as you could become so ... ruthless."

A hard gleam has entered Lord El-Melloi's eyes. "Reines. I've overlooked many things. And I owe your family a great deal. But this ..." His face twists into a snarl. "This is unacceptable. You have no right -- no _right_ \-- to be here!" 

It takes Rin a moment. And then she remembers. "This was where you and Rider stayed." She says. "During the Fourth War. You stayed with the MacKenzies."

"They left me this house." He grumbles, but his tense face remains on Reines, who still sits as though she hasn't a care in the world. "This is my place, Reines. You have everything else. But you never. Never. Come here again. Do you understand?" 

Reines chuckles. "You are hilarious, brother. You live in an apartment and pay our family to live there instead of taking our accommodations. Then you spend your allowance on games and this old place? Don't you understand? We own you. And so everything you own is --"

"Not. This. Place." For a few moments, Rin wonders if Lord El-Melloi will order his Mystic Code to spear Reines through the throat. It also seems as though Luvia is thinking the same question. Even Reines has grown quiet for a few moments. Slowly, Reines nods. 

Lord El-Melloi continues staring hard at her. Rin wonders if the woman can use her Mystic Eyes to incapacitate him. She wonders, if she can, why she isn't doing so. Maybe it's for a similar reason as to why she didn't use her Mystic Code against Luvia.

"Rin." Lord El-Melloi says. "I apologize. But I did prepare you for this possibility." 

"I was prepared for it well before then, Professor Velvet." She decides to use his original name, so as not to accidentally use his title and have him sputtering at her for not adding the II affix. "I knew someone was going to take advantage of the Edelfelt's animosity towards us. So I had to buy them out first."

"You didn't buy us out, Rin." Luvia rolls her eyes as she goes over to pick up the tray with the geis contract on the floor. "Your Clan owes us. And the elders decided to collect on it. Besides, we are making good business with our Gems. It is only fair to remain above board." 

"You are making a mistake, Edelfelt." Reines says, with a silvery spike still at her throat. 

Luvia laughs. "No. I don't think so. We will get our secrets back. Those that aren't Zelretch's and, frankly, too dangerous to defy him with. We will deal with those with our continued Gem trade." She shakes her head. "This formula will also allow us to regenerate those parts, to add them to our current Crest. In exchange, we will halt all animosity to the Tohsaka and this region. And you still get to share in it, because Rin is an idealistic fool."

"Oh you." Rin waves her off, and then stares at Reines. "I really was just going to ask for a favour and some good will. If it had been me that lost all those Mysteries in my family, I would hate myself. This could revolutionize magi society itself. But I think the terms of our deal has changed."

"I understand." Lord El-Melloi says. He speaks another word in Latin as the Mystic Code retracts its tendril. "Reines ..." He shakes his head. "It is going to take me forever to reprogram Trimmau. Why did you do this?"

"So that we would reclaim our birthright from these lowborn fools." She says, calmly. "Without having to pay for anything."

"Oh brother." Rin rolls her eyes. "More bad pitching."

"And you, brother?" Reines glares at Lord El-Melloi. "You dare turn on your own family's Head? I should have you killed for this."

"And it would not be to your benefit. Or the El-Melloi's." He answers crisply. "I made you a promise years ago. That I would protect the interests and legacy of this family. Even from you."

"You too are not making a good selling point, brother." Reines actually has the temerity to smile. 

Lord El-Melloi gives her a look between annoyance and disgust. "Do you really think that you can afford to eliminate me? At this time? I compiled all of Kayneth's research that I could find, but it isn't everything. And the Core Crest isn't even close to being repaired. But you knew that. It would take generations to get it back. But with that formula, it could only take a few years instead. But if you did get rid of me, without telling the elders about the full extent of your activities here ... you do realize that I have many students, many loyal students of different ranks in the Tower system. I am not without my own connections, Reines. And when you become Lord yourself, you will still need to answer to the family. Imagine what would happen if they found out that you had the potential to not only restore the Crest, but to also have an arrangement for the means to restore others ... and you screwed it up by playing with politics you didn't even understand?" 

"That is only because you interfered, brother." 

Lord El-Melloi looks at Rin and Luvia as they watch this family affair. Rin actually almost feels embarrassed for him. "Meanwhile, the Edelfelt and Tohsaka Heads already had an alliance. They would have taken everything in stride, found their geis contracts -- which I will have to review and most likely revise -- and left us without the formula and no good will. In addition, you would have put this family in a delicate situation with Zelretch, assuming that even though she lacks Command Seals, Rin didn't summon her Servant through telepathy." He looks at them. "So, Rin. Luvia." He nods at the other woman, getting a reluctant nod from the latter. Rin knew that, at one time, the Lord and Edelfelt Head had been at odds with each other, but had long since cleared that up. "As the representative of the El-Melloi Faction, what are your new terms in exchange for your help?"

"They are simple enough." Rin says. "First, you still owe us that favour. But as for the rest, you are to sign a geis." She reaches into her pocket and takes out a scroll, which she lays on the table. "It is a promise to never come back to Japan unless you are specifically invited, and in a place of my choosing. You will not touch me or mine. You will forswear any punitive actions against the Tohsaka, its allies, and the Edelfelts unless -- of course -- we undertake aggression against you. And, finally." Her tone lowers, and genuine rage builds up. "You will never touch Emiya Shirou, or his bloodline. Ever. Upon the pain of losing all of your magecraft." She sighs. "Are these terms reasonable to you?"

"Quite." Lord El-Melloi sighs. He turns to Reines. "Lady Reines."

She smiles up at Lord El-Melloi. "Very well. I will sign. In this case, I shall trust your judgement brother. Once again, you have proven your worth to our family." 

There is something about Reines' smile at Lord El-Melloi that reminds Rin of Kirei. She wonders if the girl is actually enjoying this. They had countered much of this situation, but she wonders if Reines arranged all of this for her "brother's" benefit. 

Rin doesn't move until Luvia passes Reines the contract. No hypnosis for them to forget this, or take away their knowledge. No geis as of yet. Reines signs the parchment and passes it back. The woman seems completely amused by this entire thing. In the end, Rin realizes she has really not lost anything. If anything, getting her brother to act gives her some leverage over him. And she sees the way she looks at him. She thinks about Shinji and Sakura. There are just too many parallels here, right now. 

"It was a pleasure doing business with you, Tohsaka. Edelfelt." Reines says. "And Lord El-Melloi." She looks up at the man. "Just remember. Even if you restore the Crest, even after our finances might be ... more suitable after this arrangement and your other work, I haven't forgotten your promise. You will continue to serve me your entire life."

 _Me._ Not the family. Not the El-Melloi. Her. Luvia coughs, out of laughter or discomfort it is hard to say. 

"That's El-Melloi II." Lord El-Melloi growls. "And I heard you the first time." He walks over and takes the vial from Luvia. Rin sighs. The deal is done. She and the others might have more work to do now, but she suspects that Lord El-Melloi's woes have only just begun. 


	62. Chapter 62

They walked to the foreign cemetery in relative silence. Lord El-Melloi insisted that they have some time to themselves, to follow up on the ... aftermath of this afternoon's lack of delight. Rin didn't protest and Luvia left with something of a snarky comment about not screwing this up for them: as though Luvia was the one that came up with all of those contingency plans herself. As for Reines, she left the MacKenzie residence just as she promised Lord El-Melloi, insisting that the Hyatt was a far better accommodation in any case. Trimmau herself, the golem maid, was unsalvageable at that point, becoming a stream of liquid mercury that Lord El-Melloi summoned back into a vial with a Latin phrase to, as he put it, repair at a later time. 

This had been a real clusterfuck, or had almost been, but Rin can only imagine that this was a typical mid-afternoon jaunt for Lord El-Melloi and the people of the Clock Tower. Rin currently thanks fuck that she got laid before all of this happened. She might have exploded from the tension otherwise. As it was, the Lord said nothing as they came to the cemetery, just puffing his cigar and looking extremely grumpy. Rin had to admit that she felt a little more at ease at that point: at having some air and not having to say anything after that confrontation back at the residence. And Lord El-Melloi's grumpiness seemed to be his default mood instead of the thunderous fury he displayed at seeing Reines on his personal property. His very personal property.

Rin should have suspected why they came to this graveyard in particular. She saw it when Lord El-Melloi put out his cigar, something she almost rarely saw him do except when he was on the lecturer podium, or drinking his coffee in his office. 

Now they are standing in front of two gravestones, one right next to the other.

 _Glen and Martha MacKenzie_. 

Rin watches Lord El-Melloi reach into his coat and take out two items. One of them is a rose. He lays that on Martha's grave, a tender and sad expression on his face that Rin has never seen before. Then he takes the other object, a flask. He opens it and raises it to Glen's tombstone, before taking a swig, and pouring the rest into its grave soil. His face is still sad, but there is a wry smile quirking at the corners of his mouth: as though toasting to an old man's non-existent health. It is so unlike the times that Rin visits her parents, and certainly different from how hers and Sakura's visit went back at the churchyard, but the clear fondness in the Lord's eyes and bearing are no less real. 

"They were the best grandparents I never had." Lord El-Melloi says, finally breaking his silence. "I never deserved them."

"You said you used hypnosis to shelter with them, during the War." Rin offers. "They thought you were their grandson."

"I did." Lord El-Melloi. "And it was stupid. It was all stupid. This entire War was stupid."

Rin sighs, remembering everything that went down. "Preaching to the choir even though I'm not part of the Holy Church."

Lord El-Melloi regards her with a shadow of his wry look. "You are a Christian though. With ties to the Church."

Rin shakes her head. "A fat lot of good it did my Father. Or me."

The Lord nods. "Kotomine, even then, scared me." He tells her. "Then again, so did Emiya Kiritsugu. And the former Lord El-Melloi. And well ..." He chuckles darkly. "Everyone. If it hadn't been for my King, I would have been dead so many times over." He walks over to a nearby bench. Rin follows him, sitting down across from him once he does so. She watches him looking at the two graves. 

"I was young. Too young. I was so determined to prove that you could get through our world through sheer will, instead of bloodline, that I endangered myself and the MacKenzies." He tells her. "I manipulated their minds for my benefit. And I wasn't even that good at it."

"You told me." Rin says, after a while, trying to gauge this situation. "You said Glen realized who you were."

"He knew that I wasn't his grandson." Lord El-Melloi corrects. "But even before that, Martha had moments where she questioned who I was. I tampered with their minds. I thought nothing of it, but between you and I ..." He leans back, lighting a cigar. "I was a right little shit." He takes a puff of his cigar, blowing the smoke away from Rin. "I didn't deserve them. Even after Glen figured it out, they still wanted me around. And I stayed when Iskandar ..." His voice becomes far away. "When my King told me to live. It was his last command. I didn't deserve him either."

Rin laughs. "I didn't ask for my Servant. I know neither of us expected what we got, even if you knew who he was when you stole that catalyst. But they changed our lives."

"Neither of us were really prepared either." Lord El-Melloi says.

"Speak for yourself, Professor." Rin rolls her eyes in the Lord's direction. "I'm a member of the Three Families. I was prepared to summon a Servant after my Father never came back from the War."

"And I was a nineteen year old child, little older than you." Lord El-Melloi retorts. "In fact, most of you ... Matou, and Emiya are children. Even Einzbern. Those Wars weren't made for children. They were barely even made for grown men. We had no business fighting in them, for whatever it was we thought were. None of us." He inhales the smoke of his cigar again. "This Fifth War was fought mostly by children. The fact that it only happened ten years after the last was the least thing wrong about it."

"And Angra Mainyu, and the sins of the old generation ... and war is hell." Rin stretches out her legs. "We did what we had to. We didn't get the Grail, and it's a damn good thing we didn't. But we did it. We survived. And, for what it's worth Professor Charisma." She says, smirking at him. "I think Iskandar would have been proud of you."

"Hmph. For what? Standing up to Reines?" Lord El-Melloi barks out a laugh. "Trust me, after facing down Gilgamesh, Reines is like a minx compared to that ..."

"You faced ..." Rin blinks. "Wow. I'd heard about my father's former Servant ..."

"Trust me, Rin." Lord El-Melloi exhales some smoke. "He was no one's Servant. Even so, he respected my loyalty to a King. Perhaps ... heh. It's not that dissimilar to Reines after all." He puffs on his cigar contemplatively for a few moments. "So, you made a contract with Luvia in advance. I have to say, that was almost prescient."

Rin shrugs. "Like I said, I knew that the Clock Tower factions had a presence here. We both knew. You've been the one teaching me politics."

"My apologies in advance." Lord El-Melloi replies with obvious sarcasm. "But did you know that Reines would have hired her?"

"No." Rin admits. "But I suspected someone would. We drafted that geis contract together for the El-Melloi faction in any case. I really did want you to be there with the Head as we conducted our deal. But ... I guess the Moonlit World's always full of surprises."

"I am glad I warned you about her in advance." Lord El-Melloi says. "Reines likes to find people who are on the 'straight and narrow,' as it were ... and watch them flounder on the wrong path."

"Just like Kotomine Kirei in some ways." Rin finally gets to voice her opinion aloud. "Is that why she likes you so much?"

"Hmmph." Lord El-Melloi takes another drag on his cigar. "I did think I had good intentions when I went out to the Fourth War, and stole Kayneth's catalyst. Maybe that much already entertained her. You do realize, that all of this was a test for you and Luvia, right?"

"Of course." Rin doesn't even bother trying to hide rolling her eyes at him. "Typical Clock Tower politics. She wanted to have her cake and eat it too by taking our Servants. I bet she really wanted to one up the Sophia-Ri."

"You have no idea." Lord El-Melloi growls. "Ever since the Fourth War, the El-Melloi and the Sophia-Ri have not seen eye to eye. Their daughter died with Kayneth, and they blame me for taking his catalyst. The only reason they haven't gone after Emiya is because they had to invest many resources into keeping the current Head of the family and the Department of Evocation somewhat competent, even with his potential and their Crest. Also, Reines just likes to antagonize Bram Nuada-Re Sophia-Ri and the best way would be to take some powerful spiritual manifestations for herself: to give to the Tower. That, and I think she just hates him on principle."

"What did he do?" Rin says. "Propose to her?"

Lord El-Melloi laughs. "Possibly. And we all know how well the last potential marriage alliance between those bloodlines went. Poor Bram ..." He sighs. "He really did like Kayneth. He looked up to him. Bram would make a decent Lord of his Department if he could just get over what happened to him ... and his sister. Of course, you didn't hear any of that from me."

"No." Rin drawls out. "I mean, where else could I have heard it from?"

"Brat." Lord El-Melloi says without much vehemence, as if it is only the fact of the day. "But Reines is suitably impressed with you, and Luvia. You showed your tactics and your resolve."

 _As she is with you,_ Rin doesn't say. Threatening one's own Head of family for the good of that family. But she also knows that Reines gained something out of all of this. Not only does she know her Lord's resolve now, or reaffirmed it, but she is aware that her bodyguard isn't completely her own. She knows enough to realize that Lord El-Melloi re-engineered a Mystic Code to serve the Head of his family. And even knowing Lord El-Melloi's relative lack of magecraft ability due to his bloodline, she never underestimates his intelligence and diligence: the very things that made him such an excellent lecturer, teacher ... and leader. But now Reines knows about the bodyguard, probably even confirmed her own suspicions on the matter, and she will make it part of her life's work to make sure he can never use Trimmau against her like that again. 

"She didn't plan this, did she." Rin suddenly realizes.

Lord El-Melloi sighs, this time sounding especially tired. "It's too bad you are so smart, Rin. I would have spared you this a bit longer if I could have." He turns towards her. "Don't misunderstand. Reines did hope to gain a lot one way or another. But you realize that, even while you got our faction to work with you, there are others."

"Luvia said as much to me and Illya." Rin's eyes narrow. Then her eyebrows rise. "Wait ... where did she get the funds to hire Luvia?" Rin doesn't believe any of that nonsense about a "family vendetta" discount. 

Lord El-Melloi nods his head. "And there it is. Back in the day, when Kayneth was Lord El-Melloi that would have been child's play. But you know about our fortunes since then. Even though we are doing better than we were, we can't throw money or favours around as ... well, it had been tradition to do. The fact is, someone with considerable clout -- more than even one of the Lords -- went behind my back and talked with Reines. Possibly the elders as well. They wanted the Servants. They wanted to hold you in a geis. And they wanted to spoil Zelretch's fun."

Rin suddenly feels very uncomfortable. "... _she_ wouldn't do that, would she?" 

"If anyone knew about Emiya Shirou surviving and the Servants, it would be Lorelei Barthomeloi." Lord El-Melloi's voice becomes a harsh whisper. "You already know she has no love for vampires. Even more than her family usually does. I hear there is one person in the Church's Burial Agency who might even be worse ... and if so, I hope the two of them never meet. Ever. No." He takes his cigar out of his mouth. "She detests the Lord Second. I suspect ever since the debacle with your hearing after the War, she's been watching you. Not officially, of course. There would be too much paperwork involved. But the El-Melloi had always been close allies with the Barthomeloi Faction, the Aristocratic Faction, and while she wouldn't personally sully her hands with thwarting you, to thwart Zelretch, she wouldn't be above ... _suggesting_ such to Reines or the family."

"The Vice-Director of the Association is after me." Rin murmurs. 

"This is what happens when you play with power. Especially among magi long accustomed to having it." Lord El-Melloi says. "Look. I don't think she will move against you personally. You just ... aren't important. Not on your own. But she knows about the formula. And we will eventually have to share it with her and the other factions when it becomes more than working theory. But, now, they will definitely know where it comes from."

"The Three Families." Rin says. "That is what we are." 

"And I will help you patent it. It will take more than just the usual bureaucracies at the Tower, the ones handling your family's work. As agreed. I still have contacts in Mineralogy." He looks at his pocket. "I'm guessing the Einzbern created the alchemical formula. The Matou bonded the properties to it. One of your Servants has a regenerative factor, possibly Saber." He looks ill at ease, possibly remembering her from the last War. 'And used Jewelcraft to imbue it further, to change the liquid into mineral crystals to be made into a powder to stimulate Circuit growth ..."

Rin looks at Lord El-Melloi in growing horror. "Stop that!" Then she realizes what she said, and who she said it to. "I-I'm sorry, Professor. But analyzing and dissecting the Mysteries ..."

"... is what I do." Lord El-Melloi replies grimly. "That is how Modern Magecraft and change at the Tower will continue. Don't sell yourself short, Rin. These are powerful Mysteries you've created. Far above those of this timeline. We still have to see what they do, but the test results are very promising. They will not weaken if we look at them. In fact, they will only get stronger with greater meta-principles, if you will."

"So you say." Rin mutters, but still glaring at him with some latent suspicion. "There's just something ... wrong with taking it apart. Like a magic trick that seems wonderful, until you know how it works."

Lord El-Melloi smiles. "That is one way of looking at it. Of course, there is another perspective to consider. That seeing the trick and knowing how its done is not only a science, but it gives it more depth. Remember, Rin. Most magecraft are secrets. They have truths that reveal what they do. But how they work, and the principles of the world that make it so are still mysteries and Mysteries, even if you know _how_ they work, still leave room as to exploring _why_ they do." 

"Quoting my own paper on the True Magics against me." Rin laughs. 

"Well, you were quoting some of my own lectures in your paper, to be fair. I was paraphrasing Samuel Clemens on that part." Lord El-Melloi sighs again. "Rin. While the Vice-Director may not be after you personally, she will continue watching you. I am sure of it. Whatever it is you're planning, the thing you ... aren't telling me. Just ... be careful." 

Rin snorts. "No shit Sherlock." Then she remembers who she is talking to, and that he is an Englishman. She groans, only for the Lord to chuckle with genuine mirth. A thought suddenly occurs to Rin. "Professor Velvet?" She asks, remembering the phonograph call she got back at her family Manor. "Do you know of an _Admirable Great Tactics Gaiden Zero_ or ... _Thirteen_?"

Lord El-Melloi's brow furrows. "... no. It only goes up to _IV_ currently." He gives her a piercing look. "Why? Are you interested in playing?"

"Oh god no." Rin says, apologetically. "No offense. It's just ... a little while ago I got a call, from the Kaleidoscope of all things I think, and the guy talked about them?"

"Ah." Lord El-Melloi nods. "Well, as the Lord Second likes to say whenever he hijacks my office instead of meeting you in his Workshop, those games actually exist as their own worlds."

"Huh." Rin replies, lost in her own thought and suspicions. "Have you ever asked him to let you visit one of those worlds?"

"Oh god no." Lord El-Melloi barks himself. "I might meet some of the men and women whose lives I sacrificed for the cause, as it were. And, really ... I don't need anymore blood on my hands, fictional or otherwise, as is."

"Huh." Rin repeats, thinking again about the implications of everything that has been happening. She needs to get home and have a good cup of tea without the social poison of Clock Tower machinations. "I think I can sympathize with that." 

 


	63. Chapter 63

Rin hates it. She loves it. She hates that she loves it. And the reverse.

She's on her hands and knees. Rider is on top of her, taking her from behind with her basilisk phallus strap-on. She can feel the wedge of her pin underwear, moved out of the way, for the Servant to pierce her through and through. The fact that it's  _Hello Kitty_  underwear, that she's wearing a shirt of the same colour and cartoon face with that infernal cat and a bow reminding her too much of that  _one time_  in the Kaleidoscope -- all bought courtesy of Rider -- just adds to the humiliation. 

The part of her rational brain left through all the drool happening, knows how this all started. It can recall an ember of the truth as she hears her own juices dribble against the floor of her Workshop, in her magic circle, as she cums harder than she has ever done in her life with Rider's chain gently, but firmly pulling her neck back: choking and releasing her throat in careful spurts to her rhythms. After the incident with the El-Melloi, she told everyone what happened. It took a lot of shouting to get Shirou not to freak out, and possibly some more sex from Saber as well. She can almost ... almost forget, right now, the anger on Illya's face as she realized she was tricked, the relief but underlying fear in Sakura's eyes, and the stoic but deep caution and resolve from Saber: the kind in which she could feel the other woman prepared to die for them and take as many of their enemies down with them. Rider's expression remained neutral throughout the entire exchange.

But she did it. For all the observers they had now, or always had, she begun the process of buying them the leverage they need to survive. Rider gone home the day before the MacKenzie incident. She'd talked with Saber. She remembers smiling like a cat, or so Rider told her before living her premises, when she picked up the old rotary receiver to talk with her Servant. Somehow, she's pretty sure that Ms. Lion Cub herself, Saber, had a similar expression when she heard about her and Rider.

Saber was supposed to come back a day or so ago, but Rin gets it. She waited for it, in fact. She and Shirou have been inseparable since she stayed over at Illya's with him. It is new and wonderful, but as they have all said a long time coming. Rin grits her teeth as Rider pulls at her chains, grinding into her, and then releasing her as her next orgasm passes.

"Fuck  _yes_  ..." Rin moans, her eyes almost rolling back into her head. Breathe, control of breath, and libidinous energy are key concepts in life, and her family's form of magecraft. Her eyes are bleary. Rider came back, afterwards, after she saw her and Sakura. Sakura told her to bring her home. She refused, saying that she was all right. She can handle herself. She has always handled herself. But they were insistent. And then she was here, and Rin couldn't stop thinking about the Clock Tower and the tangled mess of things, and the knot in her stomach that wouldn't unfurl. Then Rider reminded her that she smirked like a Cheshire cat, and took something out of her bag ... the shirt and those panties ... and those damn,  _damnable, damned_  cat ears! With her usual pigtails no less.

Tohsaka Rin regrets telling Rider about _that time_  on one of her missions, seeing her smile ... and then talking about her family's original concept of wanting to achieve Akasha by obliterating the ego through attained nirvana through breath, and that one step to dealing with the ego is humiliation ...

Her eyes squeeze shut as she shakes under Rider's body again, actually falling to the ground. She can't stay up anymore. She needed release. She needed to surrender to this, to this place, this drifting, hot, distant place away from all concerns. It's no nirvana. She's not that foregone, and Rider isn't a goddess anymore -- at least in the divine sense -- but the knot in her belly has loosened and warmth burns through her. She squints up at the room in her haze. 

Liquid metal floats into swords from one of her work tables. 

Rin blinks. At first, she wonders if this is a side-effect from Rider sliding into her even now, more slowly and carefully positioning herself and letting go of the chains around her throat as she lowered to the floor. But then, she sees the parts ... the ... the parts drift around the worktable and the ceiling, and the floor, like stalagmites and stalactites. They grow and ooze back into puddles. If liquid silvery metal, if mercury, can flicker into something akin to an incomplete sphere, that is what it's doing. The bliss in Rin's belly turns into a prickly cold ball of fear.

 _"Aegis."_  She gasps.

 Rider stops moving in her and looks up. But she does so a few seconds before Rin remembers their safe-word. 

"Oh ... oh god  _no_  ..." Rin whispers, horrified at what this might mean. "Rider ... we ..."

Rider immediately withdraws from her, gathering Rin under one arm, and runs up the stairs and out of Tohsaka Manor posthaste. 

*

Sakura waves Taiga goodnight as the other leaves the Emiya residence. She closes the door and walks back into the dining room to clean up for the night.

She's glad she sent Rider to Rin's after her sister reported what happened with factions from the Association. She is glad that Rider and Rin had hit it off a few nights back, but she liked having Rider back too: with Shirou and Saber still at Illya's Mansion. But then seeing the tension and utter exhaustion on Rin's face hit home the fact that Rin is often the one spending time by herself, and after going through that advanced political maneuver to save them all, she needed some time. Shirou and Saber would be a while. She knows that much. That dynamic had been building for a long time, and Rin wouldn't have Saber come back and cut into her time with her other Master. 

Not for the first time, as Sakura packs up the remainder of the food that Taiga didn't utterly devour to store and keep as leftovers to give to Bazett the next time she sees her, she wonders if she can have Bazett stay at the residence before taking her to Zelretch and away from the Church. She immediately, and with some regret, dismisses that thought. The Church can keep her for now. Though the Association isn't officially after them, and the factions have seen many of their cards as it were, on the table, the risk of being seen with a renegade Enforcer that killed another Association magus is just too much. It would endanger their family.

Sakura closes her eyes, and  _feels_  Rider and Shirou. She can feel Rider's satisfaction and energy pulsating from her time with her sister. And Shirou ...

She staggers. Something is wrong. 

Something is  _wrong_. 

 _Rider._  She sends.  _Hurry_ _!_   _We need to get to Illya's. It's Senpai, he's ..._

A white light blazes outside the Emiya residence. It takes a while for Sakura to realize, to remember, what that means, even before she feels the pull on her prana reserves. And when she does, she doesn't care about the value of secrecy, or retaining a low profile. Those are the least of her concerns as she bolts out the door to the light, to where her Servant is waiting for her. 

*

"Good work, onii-chan. We are almost done here."

"Thanks, Illya." Shirou says, finishing up the last line of the Bounded Field circle. "There. That should be all."

"And here, Illyasviel-sama." 

Saber watches Kiritsugu's children and the homunculus maid Sella finish up their last line of their arcane circle. She can feel the mana in the air concentrated here. Of course, it wasn't exactly unsubtle to begin with, all things considered. This is Illya's Workshop in her Castle. Obviously it would be situated over a reasonably powerful leyline and she and the other members of the Three Families had been undertaking their latest thaumaturgical experiments for a while now here. This doesn't even include the work that Illya and Shirou have been doing attempting to create internalized Bounded Fields, as Illya tried to explain to her at one point. 

But today is different. Ever since that morning together, afterwards, Shirou has been on something of a one-track train of thought. It's true that they have still been sparring, and they have still been _sparring_ , a fact that forms a faint warmth on Saber's cheeks. Ever since the day after they first made love, Saber has seen that Shirou has done a lot more than convalesce in Illya's domain. Their actual sword play usually occurs right after breakfast which, thankfully, Shirou has been making again. Saber always logically knew that she missed Shirou's cooking, but it is one thing to know you miss something, and another feel it again when consuming food that you long since thought lost to you. It certainly told her something when she considered how she didn't think of Shirou's food when Angra Mainyu had tainted her, or after he had essentially died. 

Of course, there were some conflicts between Shirou and Sella within the kitchen. It isn't as bad now, as Sella managed to get Shirou to agree to letting her make lunch and dinner on alternate days. Saber also notices that Leysritt, for a supposedly emotionless homunculus, tends to display amusement at Sella's discomfort. Perhaps Illya's attempts to restore them to life again succeeded more than she even thought. It is Leysritt who tends to back her up when Shirou wants to make food, and even Sella after a while regulated all of the dessert-creation to Illya's younger brother: albeit very "grudgingly." Either way, Saber enjoys Shirou's sustenance ... now in more ways than one. 

She ignores another blush forming on her face as she thinks about the rest of his routine. Before Rin's news to the rest of them about their status with at least of the Association's factions, Shirou spent early mornings making breakfast, sparring with her or Leysritt, afternoon at lunch either preparing it or letting Sella have her way, and then spending the rest of the time learning alchemical magecraft from Illya, while also practicing creating more complex Bounded Fields with her. According to Illya, Shirou's alchemy is decent, reminding her of her own royal alchemists and hedge magi back in the day, but there is an element that is lacking so far: though she and Shirou are making headway to bridge that gap. His work in formalcraft and runes is a little better: though Illya isn't as familiar with the latter, just again the basics. But even Saber, a layperson in these matters, can see how formalcraft's rituals using substances that aren't necessarily Magic Circuits and prana can be useful in creating Fields and exploring the internal nature of a subject. 

Saber understands that all of this is just to focus Shirou's work ethic, to hone that discipline, into making things: into an extended ritual of habit beyond the use of simple tools in his own Workshop to apply towards the rest of his life. There is a Far Eastern element to this philosophy, if such a thing can be narrowed down to one area or culture of the world, this "meditation through action" that so suits Shirou.

But now Shirou is doing something else. He's writing.

In fact, they have all been writing. There are runes and symbols painted all over Shirou's body. Saber knows this because she and Illya have been sketching them onto him for the better part of an hour before they worked on the circle. It hadn't been too difficult. While, again, Saber isn't a magus or particularly well versed in magecraft of any kind, she has a fairly keen memory and can take dictation well enough. She's had opportunity, of late, to explore all the contours of Shirou's body but it's different: painting all those shapes and images all over him. Many of them, under Shirou's direction, are shaped like blades or shields. There are angles and few circular glyphs. 

Shirou is sitting at his desk in the corner of Illya's workshop. There are a few crudely Traced knives still sitting on the work table a few hours later. Saber knows enough to realize that Shirou's Projections are lasting longer and longer outside of his nascent Reality Marble: a realm similar to Ionian Hetairoi created by Iskandar back in the Fourth War. She has never seen Shirou's or ... Archer's Reality Marble, but she knows enough about it and others created by Heroic Spirits and Dead Apostles to know that each one is different and intrinsic to the person generating it. 

"Remember what we talked about, onii-chan?" Illya asks, sitting down finally at one of her own work tables and absently stirring the contents of the vial in front of her. 

"An aria." Shirou nods. "It might help me get a better picture of the place I'm ... getting my Projections from."

"Don't you know where you are getting your weapons from, Shirou?" Saber asks. "Did you not already describe it to me, once?"

Illya shakes her head. "No, that was _Archer_ 's Reality Marble, Saber."

"I see." Saber says, watching Shirou looking at the piece of paper in front of him. "But I mean, Archer was ..." She suddenly feels uncomfortable, knowing enough about Shirou to realize how he feels about being compared to the Counter-Guardian.

Shirou turns back and smiles at her. "It's ok Saber. It's a fair question." His facial expression becomes serious, almost like that of his alternate self. "Archer and I made different choices in our lives. We ... well, we start from the same place given, well, everything." He waves a hand at his knives. "But those choices changed our internal worlds. I understand his, still, as it was ... it used to be mine." He sighs. "But I couldn't access his power because the intent behind his world wasn't completely mine. The history was all different. Similar, even parallel, but different."

Saber remembers Shirou talking to her in bed about that Reality Marble. His glimpses of it. It was a factory of swords, blades, and shields of all kinds. They dwelt in a vast wasteland with a sky of turning cogs and grey, lifeless smoke. It was a barren world kept alive by the fire and embers of blade-creation: bleak, and uncompromising. It is a world created by the heart of a disillusioned warrior, forever alone, and forged into a weapon for the rest of eternity. Shirou didn't say as much, but sometimes Saber can see it in her mind's eye when she sleeps with her Master, and it makes her heart ache every time just thinking about it. It is nothing like immortal camaraderie and the shared dream of Iskandar and his Army to forever pursue the horizon: for exploration, understanding, and glory. Sometimes, seeing Shirou working -- even harder now after Rin's encounter with the Association -- she wonders what it would have been like if Counter-Guardian Emiya had met Iskandar and what they might say to each other about their worlds, and life. She finds she misses the King of Conquerors sometimes. He had obviously influenced Waver Velvet, the current Lord El-Melloi for the better. She only hopes she has done, and will continue to do, the same for Emiya Shirou. 

"You have to look back, just enough, to learn from the past in order to move forward." Saber says. "In so many words, you taught me that Shirou." She smiles at him. "I know you can do this." 

"Thank you, Saber." Shirou smiles, and the ghost of Archer is gone: replaced by the wide smile of the man that she loves. "Also, thank you for that suggestion before. I think I might be able to do something with it."

"Phhtpt!" Illya blows a raspberry. "Please. Any more of this and your obvious cooties will compromise my formulas." 

Saber gives Illya a look, even as Shirou actually has temerity to turn back to Illya and stick his tongue out right back at her. Illya's eyes widen, and she draws herself up. "Hmmph. See if I help you actualize your internal world anymore."

"Well, if you don't, I understand." Shirou says. "I guess I can take Saber and my homemade ice cream home with me."

This time, Saber turns back to Saber, not knowing what affects her more: taking her home, unconsciously comparing her to a confection, or the fact that he has actually made ice cream for later. Shirou actually seems to have realized what he said, in one or so sentences and actually turns red. As for Illya, all she does is pout, and then finally sigh.

"Well, I guess it can't be helped." She says, nodding magnanimously. "You may continue engaging in cooties outside of the vicinity of this Workshop. After your work."

"... thank you?" Saber says. 

"I love you, Illya-chan." Shirou replies, waving at her, before returning to his pen, and piece of paper.

"Love you too, onii-chan." Illya grumbles, kicking out her feet one after the other. She looks at Saber, a strangely expectant expression on her face. 

Saber shakes her head. She knows what Illya is about. This has happened a few times. Ever since Shirou got more absorbed in his work, she has tried to get her to raid the pantry for Shirou's desserts. Well, she's going to have none of it. Well, none of the most of it. But, they did have ... fun drawing all over Shirou. And Illya could have easily rivaled a sad little puppy with the look on her face at the moment. Besides, Saber realizes she should probably leave the room before her rumbling stomach disrupts their work ... Sella looks at the two of them, and just shakes her head: knowing there are some battles you just have to let others win from time to time. Besides, Saber's pretty sure she doesn't as mind as much because they aren't _her_ confections ... and she will ultimately get her share. 

The King of Knights leaves the Workshop, for now, to bring something for her and Illya. She pauses, looking at the two siblings work and wonders, if there is another world, another timeline, where she and Morgana could have had something like this ... She shakes her head. She will leave different timelines to Merlin, and alternate realities to mad vampires, and focus on the happiness in the here and now. 

It is the here and now that she almost misses when she feels Shirou's distortion in their bond in the kitchens, kicking and twisting her gut, as she bounds back: hearing Illya shrieking and wondering if she has failed a person she loves, and another family that counted on her. 

*

Shirou stares down at the piece of paper and the calligraphy pen in his hand.

Calligraphy was something that Sakura suggested to him during her last visit here. It was something that Taiga attempted to teach them all back in Archery Club due to its origins in Zen Buddhism. It is similar to martial arts in that one attempts to train their body to remember a movement or a kata independently, or subconsciously in order to be in tune with their environment and react accordingly. 

He is not very good at it.

In fact, a lot of the symbols that he and Illya hadn't cross-referenced from old tomes of formalcraft from the Tohsaka, Makiri, and even Einzbern libraries were scribbles he had made on the margins of the paper before this point. At one time, he genuinely thought that Illya would start scolding him like Rin if she saw his doodles. But far from it, she encouraged them. She said that he was tapping into the images of his experiences during the War, and his Marble. As it is, his actual calligraphy is crude and forced: almost as childlike as the knives he managed to Trace sitting beside him. In fact, the only really smooth creations he's been able to summon are Kanshou and Bakuya: that pair of blades created by the death of a wife in a fire, and the sacrifice of her husband the forger. Separated in death, and taken from each other in life.

_Unknown to death, nor known to life ..._

Shirou shakes his head. He decides to go back to writing his process again, down the page in kanji. His process has been the same, almost this entire time, as he opens his Magic Circuits. He does so with a new trigger image: Saber's suggestion. Instead of the trigger of a gun, which would have been closer to his father's work, or the sweeping of a sword, he thinks of a bow and arrow. He breathes in and out, letting the metaphorical arrow fly and lets the prana flow through him: trying to visualize the target being hit before it actually is. As both Illya and Rin often say his grasp of magecraft is basic, he just goes back to the basics in order to make something new. He thinks about the scientific and alchemical processes Illya has introduced him to and he breaks it all down on the page as he does in his mind.

**1\. Judging the concept of creation.**

Shirou thinks about the foundation for what he is trying to find. He thinks about its essence and what it does. What it might do.

_I am the bone of my sword ..._

**2\. Hypothesizing the basic structure.**

He considers the materials, the processes involved in working with them, in shaping them and what it could, or should, or will look like. 

_Steel is my body and fire is my blood ..._

**3\. Duplicating the composition material.**

A sound extension of the second step. Once one has the knowledge of the molecular structure and materials, or at least a working knowledge or visualization of it, one can channel prana into the construct that is desired. 

_I have created over a thousand blades ..._

Shirou blinks. He rubs his eyes a bit. _No, those are ... those thoughts are all right. That is how they begin. That is how_ they _both began._   _But one thing at a time ..._

He knows he is terrible at calligraphy. He's been even worse in English, as Fuji-nee would have berated him. And this doesn't even cover his disastrous attempts at literature, and poetry. Some mistakes are cross-cultural, it seems. He needs to stick with the technical basics.

**4\. Imitating the skill of its making.**

_Have withstood pain to create many weapons ... waiting for one's ... one's arrival?_

Shirou is a bit annoyed at himself. His thoughts are drifting back to ... that man's thoughts, or memories. Or someone else's? This phase takes the most concentration. It almost puts one in the mind of the creator of a weapon, or a tool. But only in a tactile manner. His Circuits burn, but this is nothing new. He has felt far worse. Dying was less unpleasant than when Archer's arm was devouring him, and even that became numb after a time. No, right now he has to focus on the idea of a weaponsmith crafting and forging a tool, learning from them. It is art. It's what their schoolteachers tried to teach them when imitating the drawings and poetry of other artists. It will never be like theirs, or good the first time. But it takes practice. It takes ...

**5\. Sympathizing with the growth of its experience.**

All of these steps are for Gradation Air. That is what Shirou keeps telling himself. 

_If you can't beat an opponent, imagine something that can._

Shirou breathes out. He feels sweat bead on his skin and wonders if the symbols on his body are smudging, looking like so much blood. 

_Unaware of the beginning, nor aware of the end ..._

No, it ... it should make sense. One has to envision the history of the object they conjure. That they summon. They have to think about the person that wielded it. That used it. That wields it. That uses it. Present tense. It is here. It is right now. Shirou lets his imagination help him. As he had before. He thinks about the people who use these weapons: of Herakles wanting to atone for his family's deaths, of Medea wanting to be free of being used by men, the jealousy of Ajax wanting to prove himself,  the almost monstrous determination of Beowulf to slay all monsters, and a girl wanting to bring utopia to the world ... He remembers. 

**6\. Reproducing the accumulated years.**

_Yet those hands will never hold anything ..._

_Unaware of loss, nor aware of gain ..._

_I have no regrets. Regrets ..._

Shirou grits his teeth. The pain is increasing. But it isn't something unbearable. He reminds himself that he's has worse, such as the stupid times he made his own nerves into makeshift Magic Circuits, inserting that burning rod into his spine every day in his shed. In order to make something more tangible to Gaia, one needs to picture all the years and time the original has existed, and give the phantasm some weight. All that experience, all of that time, all of that pain and suffering that goes on ...

_Unknown to death, nor known to life._

Will that man ever shut up? He knows he still needs to catch up to him, through the murk. His back in front of him. There is just one last step. One ... more ...

**7\. Excelling every manufacturing process.**

_My flame never ends. It never ..._

_Have withstood pain ... many weapons ... many ..._

_So as I pray ..._

_aS I .. PrAY ... THiS iS the ... oNLy PAtH ..._

_nEvER ENds ..._

_So ... mAnY BLAdes GrOWiNg thROUgh OnE's cElls ... mOlecuLar, suB-PartICLes ... REtroGRaDE aLCheMICal pRocesssss ..._

_Growing ... GerMinATIOn ... of An IDeA ... iNto aN ... IdEoLoGY thROuGH the SySTEM of a WoRLD ..._

"Shirou!" 

Shirou jolts. He tries to move, but he can't. But he remembers. He remembers the name. The whole thing. He can hear his sister screaming. But he can't see her. Parts of the room, around the circle, his chair, they are moving around in parts. Little gaps. He looks down at his body. It is fine. There are no blades growing from it. But everything around him is shifting and grey. He thinks he sees something turning on the ceiling, or the sky ... Something glass shatters and the fluid mercury grows around him. Sharp points meet him. They look familiar, but unborn like premature children, but liquefied like corpses ... It stinks of melting metal and minerals ripped out of the bowels of the earth and sulfur ...

Even his knives, the ones he preserves and Reinforces to exercise his Tracing and refine their design are, in turns, melting and solidifying into spikes. He looks down at the piece of paper next to them, and sees throughout it gibberish. But it isn't. The kanji, the scientific process he was writing down, has been surrounded by wide sweeping English characters. He thinks that he ... Archer ... he ... he ... must have learned it as he learned magic from ... Rin? In another timeline. The Clock Tower. Turning gears ... turning to ... Another life ... The writing is all distorted. It starts off the same, but it branches out. But the English characters all seem to agree on something.

 **"Onii-chan!"**  

There is a distant crash, but Emiya Shirou isn't particularly aware of it. It's growing. It's always been here, and it flows out of him and his patchwork soul. The characters of the circle and his body join them. Swords form in and out of existence. Smog fights with sunset over a horizon. They are different, but they started off the same. Like brothers. But they both have the same name. 

And they are growing. They are growing in and out of Emiya Shirou.

Unlimited Blade Works.

_Unlimited Blade Works._

_**Unlimited Blade Works.** _

_**UnLImITED BlADe WoRKs.** _

_**UNlimITed bLadE WORks.** _

_**UNLIMITED BLADE WORKS ...** _

_**Un ... L...tEd ... Bl...e W...ks ...** _

Shirou opens his mouth and manages to say one word through the chaos as the grey and fire approach him like a storm. He holds out his arms. He can't remember who said it, but he needs to envision it. Against the storm, against it ... against himself ... 

_**"T-Trace .... on!"** _

_Then, static._


	64. Chapter 64

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been away for a while, being busy. It's not all bad. I've been doing some life, looking for work, and I've even started writing my own original stories again. I am very pleased about that, especially that last part as I hope to make it into its own unique series of work. But I have not forgotten this fic, or any of you. Our six characters still speak to me, among others. 
> 
> But now, for something a little different, before we deal with some Unlimited Blade Works. Perhaps this is when we start to deal with it. Enjoy. ;)

"Welcome, Lord El-Melloi II." The magus says from the other side of the table. "I hope this was no trouble."

Waver Velvet eyes the blinking lights and glowing screens of the Japanese internet cafe warily, even grumpily. He hates this island, and anything outside of the MacKenzie property and his pupil's territories. It has too many memories for him. He isn't sure what the other man here is playing at. It's true, the other called him by his full and proper title, including the affix that so many others forget much to his chagrin, but it is a paltry comfort given the actual situation. 

He keeps one hand in his pocket, and the other on the slipcase in his other hand. "Did we really have to meet in such a dump?"

The magus chuckles. "I thought you liked video games."

Waver pauses, before sitting down in front of the man, taking him in. The other is dressed in dark, casual clothes. Even comfortable ones. His hair may be blond, a very fine blond, but it is almost white. He is pale. Golden brown eyes to the point of amber stare back at him. They look content. It says something about magi society that there are so few mages that visibly possess that kind of feeling: contentedness. Well, that isn't entirely true: there is one magus that Waver Velvet knows who has a similar look in his eyes, and he rightly terrifies the ever loving hell out of him, and everyone else around him. Somehow, the man looks familiar, though Waver has no idea why. 

"Hmmph." Waver shakes his head as he sits down, sensing no other threat despite everything. "You've done your homework, which is more than I can say about most of my students. If you must know, I have my preferences."

"Fair enough." The other magus replies. "I mean, not all games can be _Admirable Great Tactics_." 

"Nor should they." Waver Velvet continues to scrutinize the young man. He is sure the other is a young man. "They themselves barely remain that way." He finds himself saying, perhaps in lieu of anything else to add to this situation. "You have to constantly keep at those developers. At the very least they seem to take their feedback surveys seriously."

"Not like the bureaucracy of the Clock Tower I can imagine." The young man says.

"You have no idea." Waver wonders why he is being so familiar with this strange magus, but then he catches himself and considers if the other man can, in fact, _only_ imagine. "So you have been talking to some of my students about the inside of my office. Unfortunately, this place fails to impress me, except for the Bounded Fields you placed up here. I must admit, I barely sensed them."

"But you've seen the gamers here walking by, not even noticing your finery." The magus replies.

"Internet addiction would do that too." Waver grouses. "But I take your point. No one undue will notice this meeting." He sighs. "Let's get to the point, shall we. What is your name, and where are my people?"

"Right. I'm sorry." For a few moments, Waver actually believes him with the abashed expression on the other's face. "Your people are still in Fuyuki, watching the situation, and the other watchers of course. And your apprentice Gray ...." His eyes seem to have a faraway look when he mentions his student's name, as though reminding him of something, or seeing someone else. "She will be coordinating some late night hypnosis on a few citizens who might see a very bright white light soon, with perhaps some other magi I ... might have let her know about in advance. From the other factions aside from yours, I'm sure."

"Funny." Waver takes out a cigar and lights it, still keeping his other hand in his pocket. "I could have sworn I sent her and some of those agents here to approach you first, after your message."

"And I understand why you'd do that, Professor Velvet." Waver isn't at all phased by the other calling him that. It's a lot less awkward than his title. "My request was, after all, very specific. And my name is Kari." 

"Kari." Waver puffs some smoke out. "So let's get the point then. You want a copy of Tohsaka Rin's _Theoretical Origin of Modern Magecraft as Created by the Five True Magics_."

"Her Treatise, yes. One of her best, earliest works." An eagerness appears in the young man's eyes, an earnest light. 

"I wouldn't go as far as to call it a Treatise, but it has some intriguing applications, I'll grant you. But that's not the question here, is it?"

"No." Kari's face becomes rueful. "The question is how do I know about it?"

That would be the question. Unlike a good portion of Waver's students, Rin actually does do her homework and as much on time as possible given what the old vampire makes her do, and Lord knows what else she gets herself up to in the meantime. "I haven't even marked it yet." Waver admits, though even now, deep down he thinks it's brilliant. "So how _do_ you know about it?"

Kari sighs. "If I tell you, I might date myself."

Waver's eyes narrow. "Funny, again, given how no one but myself, Tohsaka, and a student even knows about the existence of this paper."

"Well ..." Kari says, looking at one of the glowing computer screens at the cafe, but keeping his attention right on Waver. "I have my own resources on that matter. But I assure you, that I mean you no harm. I just want a copy of that work. I promise you, I will contribute to its contents."

"Why should I believe you?" Waver flat out asks. 

"Because if you didn't, you wouldn't be here ... with a copy." Kari offers with a small smile.

Waver chuckles mirthlessly. "Well, I am partially here to know where my agents, who were sent to rendez-vous with you, actually went off to. And I'll admit, I am intrigued by this mention of 'white light,' you mention, but that could also be a distraction. I have more people here to look for them, in any case. And I would know if something happened to my apprentice, whatever you might think you know about me and my operations. No." Waver shakes his head. "I did bring a copy. And it is the genuine article."

"And why did you do that, if I may ask?"

Waver is a little put off. This is a magus who knew the contents of his office, a Lord of the Clock Tower -- even if not the most powerful of the Twelve -- and a paper that officially didn't exist yet, who could lead his people, perhaps even manipulate them, just to get a copy of said paper but then wanted to ask why he brought. Not if it was real, or if he was lying. All he can read off of Kari is interest. He is actually _curious_ about what Waver is thinking about this entire situation. 

"Honestly?" Waver says. "It reveals no secrets of my student's personal or familial magecraft. So, in and of itself, the paper is mostly theoretical and useless with regards to most practical magecraft. It was a good step in the right direction of analyzing Mysteries, indeed even the concept of Modern Mysteries and the Magecraft that makes them. If it weren't everything else, I could share this with a few magi scholars and not violate my student's rights. But there is another reason I have this here."

"And what is that?" Kari asks.

"Aside from the fact that, if you have the resources that you hint upon, you would know if this paper were a fake, I want an exchange of information. You see, I've been talking with my student." Waver says. "She ... sold some books to the Association not too long ago. I helped facilitate the transfers myself. But what she doesn't know, or didn't really think to consider given that she thought most of the books were ... useless, was that I was tracking where they went, and who purchased them."

"Those volumes were far from useless." Kari replies.

"I see." Waver nods. "So it was you. You managed to buy them all." When he sees the young man nod in return. "So, I will let you look at this paper." He tells the other. "When you tell me just what your interest is in those books from the Makiri Library."

"And there it is." Kari says. "You always did have excellent deductive reasoning, Professor Velvet. But, to answer your question, it is not what you think."

"Spoken like a true cliche." Waver resists the urge to roll his eyes. "It doesn't answer my question."

"Well, let's cut to the chase. I am not Matou Zouken. And I have no intention of replicating his barbaric experiments."

"So ..." Waver says, slowly. "You know about those."

"And so do you." Kari replies a matter of factly. "She told you, didn't she."

"What I was told or not is irrelevant." Waver snaps, not liking how the other is so casually trying to keep him off balance, and almost succeeding. "I know, for a fact, that you are not replicating any experiments of his as I looked those books myself and saw no evidence of his particular brand of ... magecraft ..."

"You mean torture." Kari says, his voice sounding distant, almost ... sad. "Just call it what it really is."

"Whatever that abomination was." Waver growls. "But some of that information, however useless it is to the practices the Matou used, does correlate ..."

Kari smiles. A real, genuine smile. There is something incredibly earnest about that enthusiasm. Waver has to admit to himself that, outside of this whole situation if this had come from one of his students, it would have actually warmed his own cynical heart. "So you see it too. I _knew_ you would. You are an actual genius, Professor Velvet. You always were." 

"Ether clumps." Waver shakes his head. "That is the only thing those books and Tohsaka's paper have in common. They mention them. But why ..."

Kari sits back, and a contemplative expression complements his joy, not replacing it. "Did you ever hear the rumour that the Makiri once pursued the First Magic?"

"No ..." Waver says, his own voice trailing off.

"Well." Kari waves a hand. "It is just a rumour. It might not even be true. But it explains a lot, especially when you think about how the Second Magician considered them as potential heirs to his work."

"You know a lot about the Three Families." Waver points out, well past the point of tact and games.

"I would." Kari sighs. "Let me just say that I know enough about the Makiri, as they used to call themselves, to know their principal element was absorption. Absorption of elements and energy in particular. I suspect that in their attempt to find the First Magic, and their failure to do so, they still found that they could absorb enough energy and bind it to alter Magic Circuits, and easily -- at least craft-wise -- make more malleable Magic Crests that they still needed living beings to carry in symbiosis."

"You mean as parasites." Waver has horrible memories of the Fourth War and just what kind of experiments Caster had undertaken, combined with what Rin told him about Zouken and her sister. 

"It didn't have to be that way." Kari says. "Zouken went mad over time with a rotten soul, and only cared about dominance. His family's magecraft languished and stagnated under him. But symbiosis can also be commensalistic and mutualistic. Living beings can combine consensually without pain and suffering. But energy and principles can also be absorbed in this way. Partially inorganic materials can be used to a similar effect instead of ... worm familiars." He says with some disgust before going on. "And there are more applications. Think about the fact that Zouken, as Zolgen Makiri, created the Command Seals: essentially Crests, similar in principle to his own, but powered by the mana of the Greater Grail ritual. Perhaps an ambient power source, like the World can be applied, even as a way to the Root ... to show everyone ..." He looks at Waver, and sighs again. "You must think I'm crazy, given that you are clutching your vial of Volumen Hydrargyrum so tightly in your pocket. I hope that you'll be able to fix Trimmau soon, whatever happened to her."

Waver gets to his feet and drops the slipcase. It didn't expect this. Any of this. He was prepared to show him the paper, and then use his Mystic Code to apprehend him for further questioning. But how did he know ... know _any_ of this. Kari, for his part, remains calm and waves Waver down. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to alarm you."

" _Who_ are you?" Waver growls. 

Kari shakes his head. "Do you remember, _Super Mario RPG_?"

"I ... no ..." Waver tries to fight the inclination to take a step back.

"No, I guess you wouldn't. It was published a few years before the Fourth War on the Super Famicom, and you haven't played it yet." Kari smiles, some nostalgia in his eyes. "The North Americans also called it _The Legend of the Seven Stars_. It always comes back to that, doesn't it. The magical number of _seven_." He points at Waver. "I see you see the correlation there to what I'm saying as well. It was my favourite game." His eyes grow faraway again. "You play as a team of heroes, villains, and stranger beings banding together to stop an invasion and collect all seven stars so that people can have wishes again."

Waver doesn't know why, but something about the description of this simple game is terrifying him. Seven. Wishes. 

"Anyway at the very end of the game, you fight the ultimate enemy. His name is Kajio. _Smithy_." Kari explains. "Your characters ask him to return the last star to them. And, Smithy -- along with his theme music -- has this excellent line. He tells Mario and the others, and I quote: 'Better yet... Why don't _you_ give me _your_ stars. Why, then I could easily conquer this world! Then we could get rid of all wishes, and create a world filled with ...  _weapons_.'" Kari shakes his head again as he rises to his own feet. Waver realizes he is just as tall as he is. "Surely, Uncle Waver, you know all about the danger of wishes, of free will, and how noble the King of Conquerors was. After all, your Servant did offer to make an alliance with Gilgamesh and asked him to give his Army a whole collection of Noble Phantasms. What was it you said Iskandar used to tell you: 'To win, but not destroy… To conquer, but not humiliate… That is what true conquest is!'" He looks at Waver with earnestness, all the earnestness in the world, as Waver's blood runs cold. "And what would a world, or a reality, be like if everything were a weapon. Wouldn't that negate the very nature of war and violence if everyone and everything were strong and unified? Everything protected? _Saved_? That's what I want to do, Uncle. That's ..."

It's then that they both notice it. An item on Kari's belt, something metallic, is flowing outwards, becoming liquid ... almost a blade before melding back into a shape in flux. Kari breathes out. "Well, it's that time already, isn't it? Well, Uncle, you will be getting a call soon from Gray. She will tell you about the situation with the light. But it's nothing that you and ... Mom can't handle."

"Wait --"

But Kari holds out his hand. And Waver's mind become a total blank for a few moments.

"Excuse me, sir?"

Waver blinks. There is a young man tapping on his shoulder. "Oh ... pardon ... what ..."

"You said you were waiting for a phone call." The young man tells him. Sure enough, he has a receiver in his hand. Waver blinks at him again. 

"Oh." He says, as he takes the receiver from him, this young man with some papers under his arm. "Thank you."

Waver brings the receiver to his ear. Shock fills him. He sent Gray and the others to watch Rin and Fuyuki in case other factions tried anything. He owed Rin that much after what she did for the El-Melloi, she and her Yggmillennia writ small. But this ... 

"Those fools!" He growls to himself, chomping on his cigar. "A Noble Phantasm! After everything ... damn it all!"

The young man with the paper is already out the door before Waver can go meet with his apprentice and his people. 

He watches Waver stalk past him as he looks out at the city. Then he nods to himself.

"I'll save them, Dad. I'll save them all ..." His eyes close in sadness, and open in resolution. "I promise you."

And no one, certainly not Waver Velvet, sees him dissolve into fluid silver filaments, as if he had never existed. 


	65. Chapter 65

Shinto burns. 

It burns, enveloped in flaming, black ooze. Shirou knows what this is. He's seen this dream over and again most of the years of his life. Even Kiritsugu's medicine only dimmed the intensity of the nightmares, but not the subconscious fact of them: engraved in his body, his bones, and his very soul for the rest of his life. 

But this time, he's not lying on the ground. Of course, that isn't entirely true. He is actually lying on the ground, broken and burned. Most of his memories have eroded away in the flames, with only the empty, but hungry will to keep living. And even that base instinctual level is diminishing, leaving him for the sweet mercy of death. At the same time, he is standing up on a hilltop. He sees the entire town where he lived most of his relatively short life. He can see his parents burning. His friends. His neighbours. Everyone the person that would become Emiya Shirou, before he even discarded that name and the mortal body that came with it, knew he can now remember with more clarity than even his enhanced vision affords him. He can see his father's face. His mother's tears. His childhood friends writhing in agony, and fighting each other to survive for just moments longer. And he doesn't care. He doesn't feel anything anymore. 

He reaches into his world, into that place that constantly makes weapons, and draws out a particular sword. It glows. He knows, if he were still alive, it would kill him. It will still kill him even now. But he doesn't care about that. The spirit of the World, the one that split away from the immensity of Gaia, fills him with power far beyond anything he felt when he was still alive. He overrides his mind. He's lucky, if that's the word one would use in this situation. The darkness doesn't have a focus or a vessel this time around. Nothing like ... The name of her comes up blank. Perhaps that is a small mercy. Right now, he is in the process of killing his parents, his city, and himself all over again. Emiya Kiritsugu is dead in this timeline. He didn't make it. Saber dissipated even before that. Kotomine won. And now Angra Mainyu is spreading from his hometown all the way through the island of Japan, and across the ocean to the entire world. But he is still at the focal point. There is still time. 

Shirou .... Emiya ... Emiya Shirou ... the Counter-Guardian, the damned soul, calls on the image of the sword of the woman he once loved before turning her dream into ash in his heart, and obliterates himself and everyone else around him. The boy, himself, closes his eyes, as sweet darkness finally claims him. It's finally over.

But it isn't.

He comes back and he commits genocide again. And again. Emiya isn't sure how many times he's killed his own parents or Shinto. He's lost count of the many times he murdered Emiya Kiritsugu. Every time he summons, moulds, twists, and breaks a Noble Phantasm into his latest necessary atrocity, he kills people. Over and over again. Weapons are only good for killing people. Whether they are armed, or defenseless, strong, or weak, young or old, even babies ... they all die the same. He sees himself stabbing Tohsaka Rin, corrupted by the Grail and attempting to achieve Akasha through sacrificing the World, in the heart with Rule Breaker. He slits Illya's throat before Angra Mainyu can fill her with its black pestilence as it did her mother And Sakura ... he runs from Sakura when his Noble Phantasms only pierce the outer layers of her Curses: when she is emerging from the chrysalis that is her Shadow. She tells him that she's glad to see him. That now they can truly, and finally be reunited as man and woman. It's almost as though she chases him in every timeline, but it's just the same variation of that poor sweet girl that always took care of him before giving in to her own bitterness and pain. 

One time, and one time only, her dark tendrils cut through him -- consuming him -- he embraces her and detonates Excalibur Image: incinerating the two of them. Her dark-veined hand is on his face, and her red eyes burn into his as she tells him that she is glad it's him, that they can finally die with him inside of her. A part of him wishes that this would be the end. 

There are so many endings. Even as he kills. Even as he kills himself, hoping each time will stick. But he keeps coming back. He sits in the desolate wasteland, his sense of purity the very thing that scourged the place inside him, into this churning weapon factory of death. There is only emptiness left for him in here. This is his oasis. His reward for all those years of selfless dedication. He is genocide incarnate. And he hates it. He hates himself. The fact that he saves a majority of lives, through destroying the smallest amount is poor comfort. He just wanted to save everyone. He wanted to save everyone, and make sure that no one else had to live through the hell that had been unleashed on him so many years ago. 

And now, he brings that hell to others: to other children. He only hopes that they will not survive and house that death: becoming like him. 

Shirou grits his teeth. Something seems to pass in the old smog of a lost, dead world and he sees a red sky. He clutches the object that he is Tracing in both of his hands. It is manifesting. Brighter and brighter. It reminds him of something. Or someone. The fire in his World burns passionately. Defiantly. He sees the faint shadow of a broad-shouldered man walking away from him. He has seen this before. 

He's seen it when he lay on the ground: a broken child. He saw it unleashing doom on countless lives. He sees it in the ruined room of Tohsaka Manor. Even when he stabs Kotomine Kirei in the heart, or stabs Gilgamesh in the head, or fights Kotomine in a body breaking down from within. That shadow, different from any that the Matou or Sakura could generate, keeps walking ahead of him. It walks ahead as his Dad dies on the porch of their residence. It walks away from the Clock Tower. From war and death. It is driving Shirou crazy. He knows what it should be, but he is too different now. Nevertheless, it's still there. 

Emiya Shirou knows about shadows. Shadows tried to kill him. But the only way he will make this shadow come back and face him, like a man, is to generate enough light to make sure it couldn't hide anymore. Not in death, or murder, or suicide, or self-hatred. This has been coming for a long time. This is a house to a dead man and now he is making the key to the lock. And he will exorcise the ghost of this place that should be his, the spirit of someone who doesn't exist yet, or ever will. 

"Face me!" He shouts. "Face me, you bastard!" The sword is gathering strength in his hands, almost blinding him, perhaps even the two of them. "Trace ... ON!"

 *

Leysritt doesn't have emotions as most humans would understand them. The homunculus maid knows this. Apparently she was the same way before her ... original conversion, or so her mistress said. So she doesn't particularly bat an eye when a winged horse, a Pegasus, bursts through layers of Illya's wards and Bounded Fields to land ceremoniously yet fast in the inner court yard in the middle of the night, while Tohsaka Rin and Matou Sakura unceremoniously tumble off of the Phantasmal Beast to break for a run towards her. 

Still, the maid would have been hard pressed to say that she wasn't ... surprised at Tohsaka Rin's chosen attire, or the strange harness that Rider is wearing even as she pets the mane of the Pegasus, never mind the fact that her mistress hasn't reacted to this egregious violation of her defenses and territory despite agreements with the currently scantily clad and, pink feline-dressed, Second Landowner. 

"Good Pegasus." Rider murmurs. "You've done well."

"Illysaviel-sama. Will not be. Pleased." Leysritt says, about to brandish her halberd. 

"Yeah yeah." Rin growls. "I'm not fucking pleased being here right now, dealing with this disaster!"

Leysritt blinks. Once. "What. Disaster?"

Sakura looks around the castle. Leysritt, given her nature, can sense the younger woman opening her Magic Circuits. She is about to bring her weapon to bear against possible treachery, humans being incredibly illogical enough to do so, when Sakura turns to Rin. "Neesan, I can't sense anything. Was it just ..."

Leysritt watches as Rin sighs. "Wait for it Sakura. Reality Marbles ... even failures, have different forms of time dilation."

"Time. Dilation?" Leysritt repeats.

Rin sighs again, looking very irritated and resigned all at the same time. Like Illya keeping herself up past her bedtime. 

"I keep forgetting." Rin mutters, running a hand down her face, another sign of her obvious agitation. "You're not the one with magic expertise."

"My name is Leysritt." Leysritt says, her tone almost getting as frosty as Sella's could ever be. 

"Yeah. Yeah, sure." Rin waves her hand, stepping forward. "Well, time works differently for Reality Marbles. We are going to see it all happen retroactively soon. Or rather, we already have ..." She shakes her head. "Goddammit, homunculus!" She cries out. "Let us the fuck through already. Shirou's in danger!"

They feel a rumble. It's contained. Nothing more than a minor tremor in the earth, but localized in the castle. Even Leysritt almost loses her balance. Pegasus dissolves back into the ether as Rider comes up to them. Immediately, Leysritt's priorities change. There is danger in the Castle. She sprints, almost, but not quite overtaking Rider as the four of them run in to see what is happening.

*

Saber charges the twisted tendril of floating silvery metal. Her sword clashes against it, and she is thrown back. 

"Stop." Illya says. "Saber ... Saber!"

The King of Knights blinks. Everything went by so fast, She is on the ground. Sella has her hands on her. Healing magic is flowing into her form. 

"What ..." She says, groggily.

"I know you mean well, Saber." Illya says, frustration and anger warring under her attempt to sound calm. "But attacking an unstable Reality Marble, which is already courting disaster with Alaya, if not Gaia ... with your Noble Phantasm ... it's ..."

"A very poor decision." Sella says snappily.

"Stupid! It's stupid!" Illya shouts. Then her face turns pink. "Oh god ... Saber, I'm so sorry ..."

"No ..." Saber murmurs, coming to her feet. "No, I was blinded by ..."

"I know." Tears start forming in Illya's eyes. "Onii-chan is still in there ..."

 "Shirou ..." Saber sways a bit, but catches herself. "How long was I ..."

"An hour." Illya replies, her eyes on the twisted mass of undulating and contracting metal sphere where the Bounded circles and Shirou's desk used to be. 

Saber blinks. "No ... it was just a few minutes ..."

"Onii-chan's Marble is unstable." Illya says, her voice suddenly quiet, almost hollow. "It's causing massive time dilation. It's slower and then faster at times the closer we are to the manifestation. And then the retroactive element ..." She looks at the pulsing silvery fluid metals ... expanding and contracting with darkness and flame. "Even those far away, will feel this, but they will feel it first. Even see it first with Rin's remnants of Shirou. Before us. Her wards will keep those remnants from spreading for the moment ... but ... But because of the dilation here, it could be a long time before they even get into the Castle. Into the Workshop."

"Will ..." Despite the implications of Shirou's botched world spreading across the city, the land, even the world before Gaia deals with it, Saber can't stop thinking about him. _No, not now. Not after all this time. Not after they'd finally ..._ "Will Alaya's Hounds ..."

"Not yet." Illya says. "It's still contained. Localized right here. But it's only a matter of time before the wards fail and the Bounded Fields ..." Illya's head snaps up. 

"Is it --" Saber has her hand on Excalibur's hilt again.

"No ..." Illya says, her tone a combination of great irritation and relief. "It's a Noble Phantasm. No, not yours Saber. I know you didn't activate it. I think Rider's here. And possibly with Rin and Sakura ... Damn, the magi around here will sense that a mile away ..."

"That is the least of our concerns, Illyasviel-sama." Sella says. "If Emiya Shirou doesn't gain control of this Marble, or at least banish it, Alaya will send a cleaner here. Or, barring that ..."

"Gaia will erase it. With extreme prejudice." Saber knows enough of the past two Grail Wars to figure out the rest of this. "Everyone and everything around it." She grits her teeth. "Damnation!" She slams a fist on the floor. "Damnation! I can feel that power rising ..."

"They won't get here in time." Illya mutters, before her ears perk up. "Wait ... Saber. What ... power?"

Saber hesitates. She looks down at Excalibur. Then she looks back to the malformed, twisting Marble. A faint gold light shines out, but she can sense it getting brighter. More fiery. It is reaching its peak. That is when she knows. She remembers the conversation she had with Shirou in her room in the Castle from what seems a lifetime ago. About regrets. About doing what was good for her Kingdom. About the sacrifice of chivalry. About ...

Saber groans. "He's summoning Caliburn. My old blade."

"... this is bad." Illya says, in a low voice. "If it's anything like Excalibur ..."

"Its power is." For the first time since being consumed by the Shadow, and earning Shirou's forgiveness, Saber feels another kind of fear. "I can wield it with my Dragon Core. I have the output. But it would shatter if I used it like this. And Shirou ..."

"He doesn't have your power." Illya continues. "His Magic Circuits were never great to begin with. In normal circumstances, it would just break and nothing would happen. But if he's using its power ... Even with the work we've been doing. He can't contain that. It will explode. It will and ..."

"But ..." Saber wants to get into that Marble and drag Shirou out. She almost can't think of anything else. "Why is he ..." Then it dawns on her. "It's Avalon. It's that part of me. He must be in tremendous pain. He doesn't have Avalon anymore. He knows it on some level, so he's going for ..."

"Damn." Illya mutters. "He could still generate Avalon. I know he can. He still has it in his memory. He had it for years. And he has you, and Avalon ... he must be ..."

Saber's eyes narrow. "He is fighting something. He's ... he's going to fight himself."

Illya and Saber exchange a look. They don't have to say anything. Illya turns to Sella. "Sella. We need to start chanting. Ten count arias. Matching the glyphs in the circles. We need to contain this. Saber ... follow your link to him. It's right there. He needs you. He ... needs us."

"I know." Saber murmurs, watching for that small ray of golden light from the twisting cluster in front of her. "I can almost see it ..." 

"It shouldn't reject you." Illya says, even as Sella begins chanting. "You are a part of him. A part of Shirou's world. You need to get him out of it. I'll tell the others ... Bring him back. Please." Illya is barely keeping from crying. "I don't want him to die for me." 

"He won't." Saber vows far beyond her oath as a knight. She sees the golden mote and reaches out her mind to Shirou's bond with her. She doesn't hesitate. She charges into the storm.

*

Shirou feels the power coursing through his hands into the tip of the golden blade. Shadows, metal, and fire roar mockingly around him with the faces that he ... Archer ... Counter-Guardian Emiya killed or failed to save. The shadow keeps walking ahead of him. It is making him angry. He wants this to be over. He wants it done with. He's hurting. He realizes he's been hurting for a long time, and he is so tired of it. 

This place, in himself, out of himself is starting to close in on him. He has one chance. He will destroy the shadow. He will surpass it. He will succeed where he failed so many times. One way or another, this will be ...

He feels a part of arms surround themselves around his mid-section. They are gentle, but firm. Slowly, time moving like molasses, he feels those arms circle around his arms, until a pair of slender, calloused hands place their warmth around his own. Shirou's breath hitches in his lungs. In front of him, the shadow keeps walking farther away. He sees his parents' faces. His town. All those friendly faces. His Dad. 

"Let it go, Shirou." Saber whispers from behind him.

He sees Taiga. And Issei. The Academy. He looks at Shinji and Sakura. Rin. The entire War.

"Let it go ..." Her hands surround the hilt of Caliburn. "This sword is not yours. It isn't your burden. It's not your light."

Sakura. Illya. Rin. Saber ... 

"I have to beat him." Shirou speaks, his voice a hoarse whisper in the pandemonium. "Or he will haunt me forever. I will ..."

"Let him go, Shirou." Saber repeats for the third and final time. "He is gone. It is our time now. Please. We love you. Come back."

*

Saber fights through the sword of twisted blades and darkness. There is smoke and fire everywhere. A gear falls down and nearly crushes her. But after she dodges it, she finds him. She always finds him. She goes to him. It's a test, she realizes. His test. She takes her hand off of her own blade and comes up behind him. She holds him. She whispers to him. She holds him against the maelstrom raging around them, threatening to burst on the rest of the world from inside him.

It occurs to Saber just how much pain Shirou has been carrying around with him for all these years. She can see it. She can see it all. His memories. All of those faces. 

"My mom and dad ... Saber ..." Shirou murmurs, as he slowly lowers the sword. "My old life. My ... life ..."

"Yes." Saber says. "It's good you remember them. They want you to live on. To help others. To be ... to be happy. Anything else would dishonour them. And us. And you." She tries again. "This isn't your burden now. You avenged them. You rescued us. It's a new life. That is how you will claim it. Please, give me my sword, Emiya Shirou."

She feels him relaxing, and then ... he lets go of the sword. It's still tangible. It didn't fade as he let it go. She takes it, still holding him from behind. Then, she reaches into her prana, through him, through herself ... and banished Caliburn from whence it came. She and Shirou watch as the shadow keeps walking further away. Then, it almost seems to turn. Perhaps, it might be a trick of her eyes, but almost seems to regard them with a certain amount of regret, maybe a bit of envy. Then she could swear it winks at them, even as it disappears into the darkness. Forever.

Then everything seems to retract around them. The smog vanishes and the liquid metal retreats. All they can see is a moon now in a clear sky the colour of the coming dawn, glowing with the fire of hope. Saber looks up at it. And she smiles. It is beautiful. It is what she sees in Shirou's smile every day. But then, even that fades away like a phantasm, like a fading dream ...

*

"... amazing a Pegasus carried you without your virginity. Scandalous!"

" .... have you know, you little muppet that those are _unicorns_! _Western_ unicorns! Pegasi happen to like real women. Not _little girls_!"

"... but not _boys_  either. Still amazing it didn't kick you off!"

"You little piece of --"

"Senpai." 

Shirou blinks up. He's ... he's in a Workshop. In Illya's Workshop, as his brain slowly reminds him. He looks up and sees his head in Sakura's lap. Rin's hands are on his arm, helping Sakura feed him prana. He's exhausted. He manages to look around. Saber is holding his hand. He smiles at her. She ... she rescued him from his darkness ... just as he had her own. She knows. They both do. Illya is smiling, with tears in her eyes. And Rider ...

"T-thank you ..." Shirou coughs. For all that exhaustion, something in Shirou has shifted. He feels ... he feels lighter somehow ... "I must have really done a number on myself."

"No shit." Rin growls. "I don't know how you managed this with all these wards. You really put the _idiot_ in idiot savant, Emiya-kun." 

"Rin ..." He murmurs. Through his dimming vision, he sees her face react in surprise. Belatedly, he realizes he called her by first name. "Did you learn how to use Merlin's magic on Rider ... and ..." His mind drifts. "I always knew you were a kitsune ..." 

He doesn't even hear the spluttering before the darkness, sweet cool, relaxing darkness claims him once again. 


	66. Chapter 66

"... should sit down."

Sakura nods, even as Rider puts a hand on her arm to help her into the chair -- pulled up by Leysritt -- before she topples over. For a few moments, she holds her head in her hands even as she feels Rin's own hand on her head, and the whispering of German. Usually, she has so much prana. The mana that Akasha gives her, even with the Grail on the other side of reality now that its corrupt, material manifestation is thankfully gone, usually gives her more than enough. But tonight has taxed her to the very limit. 

"Sakura." Rider says. "I'm sorry. I know how much prana I must have --"

"No." She mumbles, but then forces herself to look at her Servant directly, at the woman she loves. "Don't be sorry, Rider. We had to get here. I needed to stabilize Senpai after ..." She waves a hand, trying to not hit her sister in the process. "After all of this." 

"I think we're all a little tired, Sakura." Rin says, removing her hand from her, finally satisfied with her ministrations. "The space-time distortions are dissipating though. Damn that baka!"

"Stop calling him that." Illya says, looking at what is left of the Bounded Field circles around the warped and twisted desk where Shirou once sat. "We both miscalculated Rin. We thought his remnants would remain self-contained. This and these Bounded Fields, should have stabilized ..."

"Arrgh!" Rin stomps away, looking more peeved than Sakura had seen her in a long time. "I know ..." She murmurs. Then she looks up, and her eyes are blue fire. "But this?" She gestures more expansively than Sakura did before. " _This_ isn't something you don't feel coming. He knew. He _knew_ something was wrong! But he just kept going. He must have known ..."

"He didn't." Sakura speaks softly.

Everyone looks at her. Even Saber, kneeling at Shirou's prone side with her head in his, never letting go of him this entire time, gazes up at her. The two lock eyes. And Saber nods. "Yes." She confirms, looking back down and stroking Shirou's hand. "He really didn't."

Of course Saber knew too. Sakura realizes that between Saber being Shirou's Servant, and entering his aborted Reality Marble, she would figure it out too. But everyone else looks puzzled. And her Neesan is nothing short of a frustrated geyser.

"Care to enlighten us?"

"That is _enough_." Rider grates out. "Don't --"

Sakura puts up a hand. Rin, for her part, looks mollified. Whether it was because Rider was about to tell her off, or because she realized she snapped at her -- which she rarely does -- or both of these things is something that really isn't in the centre of Sakura's right now. 

"It's ok, Rider." Sakura sighs. "Rin, I know you're tired. Like Illya said, we all are. It's been a hard night."

"I am sorry, Sakura. Rider." Rin says in a small voice, sinking to the floor. "I didn't ..."

"I know." Sakura replies. "But ..." She rubs her fingers against her temples. "He really didn't know." She shakes her head. "Neesan, you know what happened to Senpai in the Fourth War, right? He was ... he was a child when he was caught in the destruction of the Lesser Grail. That muck, part of Angra Mainyu spreading everywhere ... It must have been agony to walk through that. No, I know it was. I ... I _dream_ about it sometimes. Of watching, of feeling that boy burning, being erased into pure ... intent."

"I do too." Saber says, in a very subdued voice. 

"The point is ..." Sakura continues, looking at each and everyone of them. "I had Zouken's Grail-tainted crest-worms in me since I was a little girl. One year younger than Senpai. I ... I know what that does to your nerve endings. But more than that ..." She breathes out. "More than that, I know what it does to your conception of pain."

Rin's eyes dim into horror. "Oh god ..." She slaps herself on the forehead. "How did I not see this? I knew Shirou was distorted but ..." Her hands ball into fists. "Goddammit!" She shouts. "Even with Avalon in his body, he still felt all that pain. And without it ... he even felt the pain of dying _more than once!_ "

"And when I kept beating him." Rider says, softly. "He could feel it. I could see that. But he just kept coming up."

"This isn't even mentioning before all that when he was turning his nerve-endings into makeshift Magic Circuits!" Rin growls, averting her eyes from Shirou and Sakura. " _Fuck!_ Of course Emiya-kun's pain tolerance is through the roof! I just ... I never thought about it. I ..."

"None of us did, Rin." Illya murmurs. "Now, stop feeling sorry for yourself so we can deal with the damage."

Usually, Illya's words would set off her Neesan, but even the Einzbern magus looks downcast at thinking about the full extent of what has happened to her brother. Sakura can't help it. She feels tears brimming in her eyes. She feels the warm, salty water trailing down her cheeks. She can't even begin to tell the rest of them, with the exception of Saber who _knows_ , what it is like to feel like Senpai. It isn't that dissimilar from how she feels. Even now, her senses of pain and pleasure aren't normal. whatever that is. It is one of the reasons, aside from prana transfer, that she makes love to him whenever she can. Just so he can feel good. Just so he can escape that background noise of pain, especially after he died the last time ... because of her ... 

She knows Shirou. She can feel the survivor's guilt. His iron-clad vow of "never again": of what happened to him happening to anyone else. It's one reason he feels so guilty over not knowing about what her adopted family did to her sooner. She feels all of it. His child body being on fire by those curses released at the end of the War. The burning pain through his spinal cord from his misguided attempts at training. Lancer's spear through his heart. Rider's attacks on his body and her blade through him. Archer's arm eating away at his body, mind, and soul. The savage beatings he and Kotomine unleashed on each other. His death and dissolution. His long and humiliating recovery. And he kept going through all of that, and more. 

Sakura thinks about the crest-worms eating at her insides. Squirming with inhuman lusts. About Shinji raping her, and her body responding to it. She remembers turning into the Shadow and consuming so many lives. All those times she wanted to kill herself ... But he never judged her. Not once. And he saw and felt everything in her dreams. Her Senpai took an equal amount of time holding her in his arms as she cried as she had trying to kiss his own pain away. She understands him almost as much as herself. She had almost become a monster. In fact, she had. In another life, the one he shared with Archer through his arm, Shirou had become a monster distorted from his ideals. Both blamed themselves for losses of life they never wanted to take. Both thought they weren't good enough to live. Both wanted to do better. He wanted to live for others, to make up for his existence. She wanted to live for him, and be better than what she was. They had grown and improved, but the wounds are still there. She suspects they will always be. And no one else, with the exception of Saber after everything she sensed from him, and went through herself because of Sakura, could fully understand. 

"It's different now." Saber says, breaking her dark thoughts. "When I was in the Marble ... I could see it all changing. It was this fight inside of him. He ... he felt everything. I ..." Saber looks down at Shirou. "We could have lost him."

"But you brought him back." Sakura says. "Saber ... thank you."

"No." Saber shakes her head. "I helped. I was there. But ..." She glances at all of them. "I did see in there. It could still be beautiful. Perhaps it will now. I just had reminded Shirou that he wasn't a sword. Not now. I mean, he can create swords. He understands them, and respects them, their wielders, and their creators. That is more than Gilgamesh ever could." She looks back down at him, and moves a strand of his hair away from his face. "No. I ... I call Shirou my sheathe. But he's more than that."

Sakura doesn't feel jealousy when Saber talks about Shirou like this. It's strange, but she almost understands it. "What do you think he is, Saber?"

"He ..." Saber shakes her head. "He is a sheathe. He contains ... all of this inside of him. He is a sheathe for Caliburn. And Rule Breaker. And Gae Bolg. He is the sheathe of Unlimited Blade Works. An entire World. And it can still be born. But more than all of that ... he's a sheathe for his passion. For that need to do right. And to protect those who can't protect themselves ... and those to whom he is loyal. What I saw inside of there was Shirou accepting his past, and his role. I would never have been able to dismiss Caliburn if Shirou hadn't surrendered it to me. Not with the way he had manifested it, in there. He just relaxed into my arms. He ... he trusted me, and he let all of that go."

Sakura gets up. Rider holds out a hand, which Sakura takes, squeezes, and gently lets go. She walks over to Saber, past Illya, Rin and the homunculi. She kneels down at Saber's side, near Shirou. 

"I couldn't lose him." Saber whispers. "Not after all of this."

It's like Saber spoke the words in her own heart. Sakura knows that Rin, and Rider feel the same way. She gently wraps her arms around Saber and holds her. Saber puts her own arms around Sakura. 

After a while, Sakura looks up at the rest of them. Illya has a strange expression on her face. Rider has gone to Rin's side and his helping her to her feet, putting an arm around her shoulders. Rin ... Rin is wiping away, angrily, at her face. 

"I ..." She says. "Illya, you've enough time with the baka. After this, he and I need to deal with some ... stuff."

"I know." Sakura says, instead. "But before that ..." She turns to Saber. "Saber, can you help me take Senpai back to his room. I need to spend some time with him."

Saber nods. Sakura notices that the other looks sad, but at the same time almost relieved. She squeezes Sakura's hand, a grasp that Sakura attempts to return. "He is going to need you." 

"He's going to need us all." Sakura replies. Saber picks Shirou up as Sakura attempts to get his legs.

"Sella. Leysritt." Illya says. "Please help them before they drop my onii-chan or something."

The homunculi take the rest of the slack as Sakura follows behind them and Saber. As she leaves, she hears the rest of the conversation.

"... will have replace all my Fields ..."

"... need to talk to Professor Velvet, he's ..."

"... should really do something about that kitsune outfit first ..."

"... not a bloody kitsune, damn you!"

"More of a kitten really."

"... Rider, go choke on your own ..."

Sakura smiles to herself, in amusement and relief as she follows the others holding her Senpai. 


	67. Chapter 67

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I've said this before, but I have been busy creating some of my own original works. I hope that, one day soon, and somehow I can show them to anyone here who might be interested. Publishing is always a challenge, even if you can just post it all online when it all comes down to it. 
> 
> But these past couple of days, even this week aside from life, have presented another challenge. I mean, Emiya Shirou just faced perhaps his greatest internal challenge in Fate/Stay Life. I kept asking myself, where do I actually go from here? I think the chapter afterwards, with Sakura and Saber discussing Shirou's conception of what is normal was a start. I imagine Rin and others have had other discussions of this subject in canon. But now I think ... I think I have fleshed out, more or less, something psychological that I have been building towards. There is always fall out after a massive mental challenge like this. I just hope it looks consistent and feels as real as anything fictional can be. 
> 
> See you all soon and please let me know what you think. :)

Shirou wakes up. 

It takes a while for his eyes to adjust. He tries to blink out the blurred spots from his vision. He's in his room, at Illya's Castle. He doesn't remember how he got here. It's true that there had been some days, in practice with his sister -- creating more and more sophisticated Bounded Fields, or continuously summoned and refined blades until he couldn't anymore -- where he staggered back to his room, often with Leysritt or a reluctant Sella helping him, and slept away his exhaustion. 

He feels tired, just like one of those times ... but different. And then he remembers.

Shirou looks down at his hands. He sees the writing and runes scribbled all over them, and down his arms. He recalls the Bounded Fields, and the aria he was attempting to write. Then everything, for lack of a better word, melted together and apart. He had been screaming at _that man_ , walking away from him and wanting to claim his World for himself. Then there was a brilliant sword in his hands, and gentle arms behind him making him realize what he had to do. Shirou looks over at the dresser and sees his Traced blades. They are still there. They have not vanished back to the ether, or lost their consistency. Even before this ... this breakthrough, his weapons -- however crude -- had been lasting a lot longer outside of the pocket dimension of his developing internal World. 

He reaches for the dresser ... and his arm nearly bumps into something soft, warm, and firm. It's skin, and hair.

Shirou's amazed that he didn't feel Sakura there. Her legs are wrapped around his, and her arms around his waist. He can feel her head resting against his chest. She is breathing gently against him. Sleeping. Very gently, he runs his fingers through her plum-coloured hair. He can feel the makeshift Crest on his shoulder tingle, the one Rin helped her create to stabilize him the first time around. He remembers everything now. 

Shirou sighs. _Dammit._  Sakura must have given him a lot of prana. Or he was taking most of it. And then Saber somehow came into that place that ... hadn't been developing well. It had been like a glove he hadn't grown into yet, or a ragged hand-me-down that never really fit him well no matter how good the intentions of others might have been. He isn't sure even _how_ it all happened. He just really wanted to gain control of his own Reality Marble. It is something that Rin told him, time and again, that he should be able to do himself as ... Archer had been able to do so. He had even been able to use aspects of Archer's arm during the War. 

He realizes just how tired he was of waiting. Illya needs him. She needs him to be strong to infiltrate the Clock Tower and get his Dad's Family Crest back for her. To save her. But he also needs to become strong in his own right so that he can support Saber just as much as Rin does. And so Sakura doesn't have to pay the price every time he practices his magecraft, or if something happens like this ... or just by him living. None of them should have to take care of him to this extent. He needs to be strong for himself: to help them. 

But something feels different in him now. He can't ... he can't really explain it. He recalls feeling lighter, lying on the floor of Illya's Workshop, before losing consciousness. Something in him has shifted. Very carefully, so as not to disturb Sakura, Shirou reaches over and takes a small blade from the dresser. He holds it with one hand. 

"Trace on." He whispers, picturing his mental trigger of the bowstring and the released arrow. 

Almost instantly, Shirou notices the difference. The prana flows into him swiftly and his Circuits happen as though he's been doing this his whole life. His body still aches, but he can sense that there is no internal damage. Nothing permanent. He focuses on the blade, as he often does before he goes to sleep, and lets his power ... from a place inside him now more defined than before, flow through him and his Magic Circuits into the blade ... Reinforcing it. He feels, and sees, the small blade smooth out: it's sheen becoming clearer, and its angles and edges more defined. He lets go of the power, and allows the blade to revert back to its original crude state. Then he draws on it again, and refines it again. He does it a few more times. It is like flexing or exercising a muscle. It used to take him so much effort, but even back at that point he knew this was an excellent mode of practice: something with which to get used. But it is so much easier now. It's still not perfect, but the flow is better and the focus ... Shirou lets the Reinforcement fade, and tries one more time ...

But he feels nothing. Something shuts down inside of him. A circuit is switched off. 

And then he sees Sakura looking up at him. She does not look impressed.

"Sakura ..." Shirou says. 

"Senpai." Sakura replies in a level voice. "Please put your blade away."

Shirou looks down and sees that blade has dissipated. It was just as well. it had been outside his Marble for quite a while and combined with what he was doing with it, it isn't too much of a surprise. "You ..." He starts. "You shut off my prana flow."

Sakura crawls on top of him. But there is nothing lustful, or pleasant about it. There is a familiar fire in her eyes, similar to Rin's. She brings her hand down near his face. Shirou flinches. For a few moments, he actually thinks she will slap him. But the light in her eyes is controlled. Her facial expression hasn't changed. She puts her hand on his shoulder, and closes her eyes. She nods to herself and then takes that hand and puts it on his cheek instead. Then she takes her other hand, and cups the other side of his face. 

"Yes." She says. Her voice is even and firm. And Shirou knows he is in trouble. "I shut it off. I should have done it before we brought you back up here. But you weren't moving and I was tired. You know ... how much energy you took from me?"

"I'm ... I'm sorry." Shirou says. "I didn't know that this was what was going to happen. But ... it's better now. I don't think it will cost nearly that much prana for you. It is easier for me. I can use my own. Build it up. I will soon. And once I ..."

"You are not listening to me, Senpai."

Shirou finds himself feeling the need to be quiet fast. Sakura sighs. "No wonder Neesan barely has any patience with you. And Illya-chan ... maybe Neesan was right. She spends so much time with homunculi, being one, she forgets you are a human being ... a really stubborn human being ..."

"No." Shirou finds himself saying. "This wasn't Illya's fault. I --"

"I _know_ you wanted to do this. To push yourself. I know you Senpai." Sakura interjects in a tone that brooks no further argument. "But she is the more experienced magus here, aside from Neesan, and she should have been more responsible. But ... this isn't about her. She and Sella at least made those Fields. It isn't about the magecraft. No ..." She shakes her head. "Of course Illya would have difficulty with _that_ part."

 _What part?_ Shirou asks internally, but finds himself strangely ... afraid to know the answer. 

"You hurt when you tried this." Sakura continues. "Didn't it, Senpai?"

"Not ... now ..." Shirou says.

"No. I'm not talking about what you were doing just now, which is still foolish after everything that just happened a few hours ago."

"Sakura ..."

"No, Senpai. This isn't about the magecraft. Or your Reality Marble. Or any of us. It's you. You were hurting, and you kept going."

"Sometimes ..." Shirou says. "Sometimes that's what you have to do. To get better."

 _"You can't power through this!"_ Sakura shouts, her face turning red in anger. Shirou jolts back. He can feel the blood draining from his face. Sakura hasn't ever shouted at him, not for a while, especially not after Angra Mainyu had her. Her face immediately changes from bright red to a lesser pink as she realizes what she just did. But she is breathing hard. She is still upset. "I'm sorry for shouting at you. That's Neesan's way, and I never thought it was useful. But I understand why she does it now. Senpai, you are a terrible liar. You don't have to pretend with me."

Shirou is starting to feel lightheaded. "Pretend about ..."

"Do you really think I don't know what it's like to live and work through pain, Emiya Shirou?"

Sakura using his full name, and the quiet disappointment in her voice makes Shirou realize that he is really in trouble. "Sakura ... I do know. I ... I should have been better. I should have asked ..."

"And if you had," Sakura continues, "if you had I would have told you the worse thing that could happen wouldn't be what happened to me, but if something happened to you." She leans forward and her hands grip his face. "Do you have any idea how any of us would feel, if you _died_? Permanently? Even ... even at all! Do you ... know how we felt, how I felt, when you had to get a new body? I was so ... I was so scared! I ..." She lowers her head. "I was responsible for that ..."

"Sakura." Shirou murmurs. "It was never your fault --"

"I know that. I had a responsibility in what I did, to you and Saber and the others, but I know that." Sakura inclines her head, and he can see tears forming in her eyes. But somehow he knows they are not for herself. "I had time. I had you and Rider to talk to. And Neesan. I've ... I'm processing this. What happened to me ... what I did ... but, Senpai ... you haven't. At all."

"I can't change what happened." Shirou finds his voice becoming monotone. "Wishes were the problem. Even if the Grail hadn't been tainted, I couldn't have ..."

"That's not it either, Senpai." Sakura shakes her head, and Shirou feels her thumb stroking something slick and wet underneath his eye socket. He blinks. His vision is getting blurry again, but his mind is still there. 

"I-I ..." Shirou stutters. "I must be tired ..."

Sakura moves off of him as he sits up. He's shaking. There is nothing physically wrong with him. He knows. He sensed his body earlier. He knows Rin and Sakura must have looked over him. Why are his hands shaking. He feels Sakura put her hands in his own, spreading her fingers through his. Shirou finds he can't look up at her. He realizes he's shuddering. It's just like when he regained consciousness, when he was first starting to get used to his new form and he couldn't control his bodily functions and all he felt was humiliation and shame. He shouldn't be like this. He has to be strong. He needs to be strong for them. After all this progress ...

"I could see them, Senpai." Sakura's quiet voice murmurs, her arms encircling him. "I could see them too."

Something breaks in Emiya Shirou.

Someone is screaming. It is a muffled yell. It seems to go on, for some time. It takes a while for Shirou to realize that it's coming from him. A long, heartrending sob. Sakura is holding him tightly. She's lowering him back onto the bed, and holding his head against her chest. He is growling into her, clinging to her for dear life as he can't hold back the torrent of images. His mother and father. His whole life burning. Kiritsugu dying. He knew all of this. It hurt, but he kept going ... for them. But now ... now he can _feel_ it. 

He can feel Sakura rubbing his back in soothing circles. "Let it out, Senpai. Let it out ..."

"I ... I can't." Shirou chokes. "I-I have to remain ... strong ... Reality Marbles ... only come from a strong mindset. Tohsaka ... Tohsaka said only distorted minds ..."

"It doesn't matter." Sakura says. "None of that matters. You are still you. You need to let it out, or it will kill you, Senpai. It ... it has been killing you."

The dam completely breaks as years of loss hit Shirou's mind. He screams into Sakura's body as she holds him. He cries. Shirou cries for his parents. For Shinto. For Kiritsugu. For Sakura, and Illya. For Saber, and Rin. For Archer and his unending hell. He cries for his fear, and his pain, and desperate need to protect those he loves. 

But most of all, for the first time in his whole new life, Emiya Shirou cries for himself. 

"I-I love you ..." Shirou whimpers into Sakura's chest. "Please ... please don't leave me ... I can't ... I can't bear it ..."

"I love you too, Senpai." Sakura strokes his hair, relief and sadness in her tone. "I will be here for you. We will be here for you. It's time for a new World." 

Shirou continues to sob into Sakura. Sakura continues to hold him. Then, gradually, warmth sets in ... and Shirou starts breathing more slowly. He breathes in tune to Sakura's heartbeat, steady and ever-present as she holds him, and sleep takes him once again. 


	68. Chapter 68

"We're taking Senpai home." Sakura says.

Illya also notices Rider nodding, though the Servant does add anything else. She doesn't have to. 

"Yeah." Illya replies, knowing that anyone could tell how listless her tone has become. "I know. You said it yesterday." 

The Einzbern magus had let everyone stay over at her Castle, including Rin, as she is a magnanimous hostess. She didn't even need Sella to remind her to be so this time. Besides, it was easier to have everyone stay over with the damage control Lord El-Melloi II was doing, and to discuss last night's incident without having to go back and forth through the city. 

"Illyasviel?" 

Illya looks up from where she is examining the damage to her Workshop. Surprisingly, for a faulty Reality Marble that nearly consumed her Castle, and potentially Fuyuki and the World itself. there hadn't been a lot of damage save for some of the Bounded Fields that between her onii-chan and Rider's Noble Phantasm, had been eliminated. She had been spending most of the morning re-energizing the circles and wards, with Sella's aid. Between that, and the events of last night, she's tired. Saber is regarding her with some obvious concern. Well, of course she is. She called her by her full name, something only her servants and her late and unlamented Grandfather did. But she didn't bother to correct her. She still hasn't. She just doesn't feel up to it. Even Rin is looking at her askance.  

"Illya ..." Rin, continues to look at her. "You sure you're all right?"

"Yeah." Illya slowly shakes her head again. "It's just as well you're taking onii-chan back. I have some things I need to fix up here before we can continue with the experiments. Between Rin and you, Sakura, you can help him. Or just let him rest for a while. I'll be fine."

"You don't look fine, Illya." Saber says, her green eyes scrutinizing her obvious exhaustion. 

Illya smiles. She can't help it. At least Saber corrected her lapse of address on her own. "I'm not dying, in case that's what's bothering you. Not yet. I have at least a year ..."

Sakura blanches. At the very least, to Illya, she has the good graces to look genuinely ashamed, and not in the least for taking her onii-chan away from her. _No, that isn't fair._ Illya tells herself. _Sakura makes onii-chan happy. They all do. I can't do much for him to that regard. But I can give them that._   _Especially after ..._

"You just look ... tired." Saber speaks the obvious yet again. 

"That's because I am, Saber." Illya replies, sitting down on a chair that Sella has pulled up for her. "I'm ... I apologize. That was blunt. Bluntness is usually Rin's area of expertise."

"Hey." Rin attempts to snap, but even Illya can hear that there's no bite behind it. It seems as though she isn't the only one who's tired here. 

"Illya ..." Sakura steps forward, but hesitates. "We will be back. We haven't forgotten about you, we ..."

Illya sighs. "Just say it. I know that at least some of you here have been talking about it privately. Just come out and say it." 

"Illyasviel-sama." Sella attempts to put a hand on Illya's shoulder, but she shakes her off.

"Illya, look." Rin interjects. "We ... like you said, we both screwed up. We underestimated the remnants ..."

"No. I underestimated onii-chan's boneheadedness." Illya holds up a hand before she can be interrupted again. "Look. I also remember what I said last night, before you throw that in my face Rin. I'm not feeling sorry for myself." Well, not completely anyway, that much is true. "I know what I am. I'm not completely human. Not like Shirou." 

"You are a _person_ \--" Saber tries to say.

"I don't need anyone to tell me what I am, no offense Saber." Illya regards Rin and Sakura in particular. "I know what my Family's problem is. It's what it's always been, before Kiritsugu came. We hardly spend time around humans, or _people_ that aren't made. I've always seen onii-chan as fulfilling a purpose. His own. I've seen him go through an immense amount of challenges. Something built like him ..." She chuckles, bitterly. "It should have shattered by now. But he has kept going. And he still will. You know, it's funny." Illya looks down at her hands. "I'm the fragile one. Sometimes I have memories of Mama nowadays ... of my Papa saying that I weighed about as much, or as less as his rifle. I'm a hybrid made for one thing. And I'm dying. But onii-chan is more _frail_ than me. In so many ways ..."

"And I forgot that."

"So did I." Saber says, her own eyes downcast. It's as though she's grieving. And it occurs to Illya that perhaps she is. It had been an almost idyllic couple of days, especially for her and her onii-chan until last night. "I've been in-between the glade and the Wars for so long ... sometimes I forget what it is like to be human. To be fallible, especially when I tried not to be." The King of Knights has a rueful smile on her face that almost matches what Illya is feeling. "But Illya, to be fallible is to be human. I forgot that. You made a mistake. So did I. We all did."

Rin shakes her head. "Yeah yeah. I'll admit, until Sakura really laid out what was going on, I didn't realize just how much more work we have with the idiot." 

"I'm his sister." Illya murmurs. "I should have known better."

"And Saber is his Servant. And Sakura is his girlfriend. And Rider is his ... whatever she is. And me ... Pah." Rin almost spits in irritation. "The point is, mistakes were made. And some of them were things we couldn't see coming at all. I mean, Reality Marbles are not a precise form of magecraft, never mind science. We just need to figure out what to do from here."

"What happened to him last night is affecting him too." Sakura confesses. "Senpai is ..."

"Sakura." Rin says after her sister breaks off. "Let's face it. Shirou is never going to be ... normal. Whatever that means in our world anyway. I don't think anyone in this room is."

"He is ... remembering everything. About the Fire. About his life before, and after." Saber admits morosely. "I got snatches of it. But," She regards them, "at his core, Shirou is the same. I don't know how this will affect everything we have been attempting to accomplish, but he will come through with time. And he will be stronger for it. I believe that." 

"Me too." Sakura says. She walks over and kneels down, putting both of her hands on Illya's shoulders, making the other look at her. "Illya, Senpai will be staying with us. But doesn't mean you can't see him again." She looks over at Saber. "Or you Saber. I can't imagine how it must have felt to ... to be with him and have all of this happen."

"It was my duty and ... and more." Saber replies. "But ... I think you can, in fact, more than imagine." 

"Rin." Sakura turns to her sister. "When he's had some time, I think Senpai needs you to help him."

"That is what I said." Then Rin shakes her head again. "You know what I meant. I um ... do have some ideas."

"I'm sure you do."

"Shut up Rider!"

Rider only smirks as Rin looks uncomfortable. Illya still hasn't forgotten about their attire last night. She's not sure she will ever let Rin live that down. But, all things considered, everyone has shown some good grace. It is only fitting that she return the favour. 

"I may have my own idea as to how to help onii-chan. No." She waves them down. "Not like ... whatever it is you are all doing for him, but something with regards to my Workshop. I'm going to contact the Castle in Germany and make some renovations in this one. As Second Owner, do you accept this Rin?"

"Yeah yeah." Rin mutters. "I accept. I actually need to make a call to Zelretch. I was originally going to get our ... asset to him, but maybe it'll be better if he can bring some of the equipment we might need here, when you have your Workshop back in order. Then we can ... bring _her_. I'm sure the Church will be relieved."

"Her huh?" Illya shakes her head. "We don't need too many people knowing our secrets Rin."

"Don't worry, Illya." Sakura is the one who answers. "If all goes well, our ... contact won't be an issue once she gets what she wants. And she doesn't, and she won't, know all of it."

"So another moocher here. That's fine." Illya shrugs. "You have your surprises. I'll have mine." She smiles at them. "Thanks for touching base everyone." She claps her hands together. "Now please, kindly get out of my Castle. Once I say goodbye to onii-chan, I have a lot of work to do." 


	69. Chapter 69

_Rider listens to Illya say goodbye to her brother._

_"I'll be okay, onii-chan." The homunculus, smelling of ice, tells Shirou. "You need a break after ..."_

_"... after I nearly destroyed the world?" Even with her visor on, Rider can visualize Shirou scratching the back of his head. "I guess so."_

_"Pphtt!" Rider doesn't need to see to recognize a raspberry when she hears one. "It was prevented. Between me, and Rin, we got it all sorted with El-Melloi. You need to rest, onii-chan. Remember what I told you."_

_"I love you too, Illya-chan."_

_There is a rustle of cloth and skin as the young girl, whose cadence behind her childlike voice betrays her true age, holds her brother. Rider can tell that Shirou is going to miss her, even though what Sakura said was true. She can, and will be allowed to visit. She can even stay over. Most of the time. Rider understands all too well just how isolated being in this Castle, or the one back in Germany, must have felt to the girl growing up. Rider, more than anyone aside from Rin and Sakura, knows what it's like to live alone without one's siblings. She remembers Illya's words from earlier and didn't say anything, but also knew what it was like to feel responsible for her siblings, and realizing all too late that they had cared for her happiness as well. She also can't help but think about Lord El-Melloi. Rider hadn't met the man before, or had reason to, but in addition to his scent there was another ... more metallic one ... if she hadn't any better, it was almost like the boy's ... or the smell the boy had on him the last time he, Sakura, and herself were together in her room, but ... different ..._

Right now, Rider holds Sakura in her own room. It's been a few days since they brought Shirou back to the Emiya residence. They have been keeping an eye on him, making sure he didn't do anything ... stupid. Sakura calls it rashness, or foolishness, but Rider calls it what it is. As such, for the moment, Shirou is not allowed to spend time in his Workshop, or practice magecraft. It seems that Sakura's admonition to him, especially after she lost so much prana due the Incident, got through to him. But, if Rider is honest with herself, she realizes that the boy has been acting different lately. 

It's nothing that most people would see on the surface, of course. If anything, aside from not working in his tool shed, or practicing his powers, Shirou is busier than ever. Sakura couldn't stop him from cleaning the house, even though they had kept it up well. He interacts with Taiga and the boy Issei well enough. And he exercises in the dojo. Rider, when she has her glasses on, sees his body leaner and shining with sweat: often doing without a top. She has to admit to herself that she spends some of that time admiring the view, as it were. The boy is filling out well in all the ways that matter, and she has no complaints. She certainly knows that her Master doesn't, if their lovemaking from their room is of any indication, stirring another kind of hunger inside of her. 

He even cooks again. Rider can't quite say that she isn't enjoying Shirou's cuisine, though admittedly she doesn't necessarily require the fare. But he is sleeping more again. It's almost like when he was recovering from his last ... death. Often, Sakura leaves him in their room and he does come out until later in the afternoon. Whenever Taiga comes over and asks about it, they just say he is looking into exams for foreign schools and let the Bounded Fields do the rest of the work. 

But Rider can see how distant his eyes get sometimes. He's a lot quieter. She knows this is not going to resolve itself overnight, another couple of days, or even longer. At one point, Sakura asked him if she could stay with Rider in her room when he is sleeping, and he agreed. Rider herself, aside from kissing him and holding at times hasn't fed or had sex with him a while. If this had been another circumstance, she would have perhaps wondered if it had been jealousy for all the time she had been spending with Sakura, though he definitely would have been one to talk due to his own time with Saber. But she knows better.

"He misses her." Sakura says, her face in her breast. 

At first, Rider thinks that she's talking about Illya. But then she recalls Shirou's other interaction before they left Illya's Castle.

_"Shirou, I'm sorry ..."_

_"No, Saber. I'm the one who's sorry."_

_"But you shouldn't be. It was my ..."_

_"No it was mine ..."_

_Rider has to resist rolling her eyes. Both of them are so honour-bound it's ridiculous. Rin and Illya are a lot less subtle about their annoyance with the exchange._

_"I will see you soon, Shirou. I promise."_

_"I know. I had a good time, Saber. I love you."_

_"I love you too."_

_Rider can hear them kissing. Illya is attempting not to fake gag, and failing. There is a rustle of cloth and metal as they hold each other. Rider can imagine the blonde Servant resting her head on Shirou's chest, and him holding her. It's no stranger and nothing more than they had seen since she wrapped herself around him outside Tohsaka Manor. As much as she doesn't always get along with Saber, she can sympathize with how she's feeling. She felt responsible for him, as she does Sakura. And they are both in love with their Masters. Rider knows that time apart, an indeterminate amount, would make her feel ... very strange. She's had some time away from Sakura before, but she has always been able to come back. But now the Incident and Shirou going back with them ..._

"Are you jealous?" Rider asks Sakura.

 "I ... no." Sakura blinks up at her. "That's not why. I know how much of a big deal this was for Senpai. For the both of them. A lot of things happened. He's gone through a lot of things."

"Did he talk to you about any of this?" Rider asks.

"Some of it." Sakura admits. "But I think he feels ... bad, for missing her. When he's, well, with us." She shakes her head. "I mean, he shouldn't. I missed him when I was with you. And I know you missed him too."

"I still have a promise to keep." Rider says. "Or rather, he does."

It takes Sakura a little bit to remember. "Oh." Her face lights up with some recognition. "You still remember the last time he visited from the Castle and ..."

"He's been with you, Master." Rider says, coolly. "But not with me." She voices what she has been thinking. "Not in a while." 

"... you need some prana." Sakura observes.

"Yes." Rider nods.

"Senpai needs some as well." 

Rider quirks an eyebrow at her. Sakura looks like she is thinking about something. "Master, would it be too much of an assumption to ask if you need to emit some prana yourself?"

"You wouldn't be wrong." Sakura says in a tiny, but cute tone that would sound coy if it didn't have that edge of timidness. 

Rider leans over, and kisses Sakura on the lips. She still tastes good, even after all this time. "I will be back, Master."

She can see the goosebumps forming on Sakura's exposed arms as she gets up, and leaves the room. Rider can't help but smirk a bit.

Rider heads towards Sakura's and Shirou's room. The boy is lying down in their futon, still fully dressed. She slides the door open. It rouses Shirou. He sits up. She watches as he wipes away grogginess from his eyes. "Rider? What is it?"

"Sakura wants you." She replies, truthfully enough.

"Oh." Shirou blinks. He really does look tired and a little off. She realizes that he is genuinely depressed. He smiles, but his eyes still look like he has seen the depths of Tartarus no matter what he pretends. "Oh, well where is she?"

"In my room." 

Shirou nods, and doesn't say anything more. He gets up, and follows Rider outside of the room. He is extremely quiet, lost in whatever it was he went through at Illya's Castle she suspects. When she smells Sakura this time ... she smiles. It's far past time.

After she slides open her door, gestures for Shirou to go past her. Sakura is sitting at the edge of her futon, waiting for them. 

Just Sakura, wearing only her ribbon.

Rider sees Shirou's mouth hang open a bit. That definitely took his attention away from his funk. The Servant sees all of Sakura's clothing gathered in a neatly folded pile to the side. She suspects that even the boy can smell the prana and ... desire emanating off of her Master. It isn't subtle. It's actually quite funny. She thought Sakura's face would be more red, like it used to be when they first began exploring, or when she had to be honest about her feelings after a lifetime of having them beaten out of her. But her cheeks are just faintly pink, and her posture is open. She's beautiful. All soft curves and pale skin. Rider knows how generous she is. She knows the boy definitely knows. Whatever else is going on in Shirou's mind, she can definitely sense his sympathetic arousal at seeing her Master, if only through the growing lump in his pants. That much wasn't affected by the Incident. 

"Hi Senpai."

"Um ..." Shirou takes a few moments. "Hi ... Sakura."

Sakura smiles. "Senpai, it's time for your prana."

"Oh." Shirou blinks. "Oh yes. Right. Um ..."

"And ..." Sakura adds. "Rider needs some prana as well."

A quizzical, confused look forms on Shirou's face. "Oh. Oh right. It's been a while since she and I have ..."

"Yes." Rider says from behind him. "And you owe me for the last time you were here. When you didn't visit me."

"Oh ..." Shirou murmurs, somehow turning around. "So, um, what should I ..." 

Shirou sees her bending down to put the last of her own clothing to the side. The smell of hormones and the tang of adrenaline coming off the boy increases as he realizes she is wearing nothing but her glasses, for everyone's protection. 

"I ..." Shirou looks back, and forth between her and Sakura. "I don't ..."

Rider almost laughs. Doesn't he remember what almost ... what _could_ have happened the last time they all lay in this bed together? After he'd gone for his treatments and training, she and Sakura talked about this once they had their own time. It had been a surprisingly short conversation, as neither had any issue with this. 

"Perhaps we should have asked you." Sakura says to Shirou as she places her hands around his face to make him look at her. "Maybe this is too sudden ..."

"What ..." Shirou murmurs. "I don't under ..."

The smell coming off of the boy is maddening, to him and to Rider. She can see that it's even affecting Sakura. Rider places a hand on the left side of his back, and feels his heart beating fast. She keeps her palm there as she leans forward to whisper in his ear. "You are wearing far too much clothing, boy." 

Rider smiles to herself as his arousal increases. He looks back at her, just as Sakura begins unzipping his pants. Rider leans down to bite his neck. He jolts and trembles pleasantly under her, as she removes her teeth, savouring the iron taste of his blood as she lifts his shirt over his head.

"Are you sure ..." 

 "Boy." Rider says after divesting Shirou of the rest of his clothing, raking her fingernails down his back and clenching them around his firm buttocks. "Sometimes, even I can't believe you can be this clueless."

Sakura has her own answer as she reaches up and kisses Shirou with his face in her hands. Rider takes one hand out and strokes Sakura's hair as she takes the other, and reaches around to start stroking Shirou. It doesn't take much, aside from the two of them, to make him hard. She holds him in a gentle and firm grip, slowly moving him until he becomes slick. Her other hand travels to play with one of Sakura's breasts. Hard and slick, and soft and firm ... Rider leans forward and bites Shirou's shoulder again. She drinks him in, teasing her tongue with his flavour. It makes the frenzy in her core grow. She can smell her own lilac scent growing. 

Sakura has gone down on her knees and is in the process of swallowing the boy's erection. Rider lets go of her as she does so, and strokes him inside of her Master's mouth. He moans slowly, arching his head back. Rider comes up to meet his mouth, kissing him, exploring his tongue with her own: letting him taste his own blood. He is somehow getting harder in Sakura's mouth, under her hand. Sakura knows the boy well and begins to slow her lips down, suckling him. She and Rider meet each other's eyes as Shirou is trembling between them. Rider runs her hands down Shirou's back muscles, even as Sakura withdraws Shirou from her mouth and takes his hands in hers. 

The three of them find themselves on the futon. Rider encircles Shirou's back as Sakura wraps herself around his front. Shirou's face is flushes. Rider sees that his eyes are glazed over. She imagines that, right now, all he is thinking about is skin on skin, and flesh on flesh. Sakura's eyes have become almost opaque with lust. Rider takes Shirou's cock and, slowly stroking it, places it into Sakura's sopping pussy smelling of licorice. Shirou gasps, even as Sakura moans. Rider runs her fingers down his shaft and his balls as he slowly moves in Sakura, even as she begins kissing her Master. Sakura has her hands on Shirou's face even as she meets Rider's mouth with her own. Then Sakura's eyes squeeze shut, and she begins to shake. It doesn't take long. 

She moans into Rider's mouth as she cums. Rider's pussy burns and jolts a bit. Shirou actually growls as Rider can more than imagine Sakura clenching around him. The boy caresses one of her breasts on his own volition. Rider takes his hand and guides him to her clitoris. She places his index finger around her labia, and his thumb on her swollen knot. Sakura begins moving against him again. Rider holds Shirou's hand, letting go of his shaft to be inside her Master fully. She feels his fingers play around her labia, his thumb swirling around her clit. He has learned, after all, from their time together. She holds his hand with both of hers, grinding against him. The sensation builds ... Then her hips buck. Sakura moans again ... and the two of them almost orgasm at the same time. Rider lets herself jolt against Shirou's hand. It has become much stronger over time, more insistent. She can feel Sakura's energy pulsating into him. She bends forward and bites the same place on Shirou's neck and drinks some of it through him. 

 _Cherries and metal ..._ Rider feels a vestige of the beast take hold of her. She grabs Shirou's hair, pulling him from Sakura and bites his lips. He actually tries to meet her own strength. He's looking hard into her eyes behind her lenses. Through the haze is some determination. Rider both loves and hates it. Her hands find Sakura's and they guide Shirou into her mound. Rider hisses as she feels herself filled. He has grown well. Her pussy undulates and clenches around him. He stretches her labia over her clitoris. His hips grind into her, smearing her juices all over him, and making her genitalia tingle harder. Rider feels Shirou meeting her thrusts with his own. Yes. She likes it when he gets aggressive like this, letting himself go as she does ... as Sakura has learned. She can see him fingering Sakura, inserting two of his fingers inside of her and massaging her clit with his thumb. Sakura is grinding against him and caressing Rider's breasts. 

Rider feels herself bearing down on him ... clenching. He is still holding in her, pulsating but still hard. She jolts on him faster and faster until an internal pressure builds up. She can't help it. She leans down and bites him again as she cums, hearing him groan ... hearing Sakura whimper as she orgasms in the surface way that Rider herself did only moments ago, or was it minutes ago, in fleshly time. 

_They are in her inner sanctum of blood and black, consuming each other, the chamber flowing into her ..._

Rider feels herself cum again on Shirou's cock. Her hand travels to his balls and she almost feel them swelling with the cum he hasn't released yet. That he is building up ... She slides him out of her, and pushes him down onto the bed. She looks at Sakura and down at Shirou. Sakura grins. Shirou looks up as Sakura sinks herself down onto his shaft. Then Rider moves forward, and over Shirou's face. She has +A rank in Riding for more than one reason.

She and Sakura devour one another as they ride Shirou. Rider feels herself growl into Sakura's mouth as Shirou's tongue circles around her labia and his mouth eats her pussy. He's gotten a lot better at this, though having Sakura to hold and consume helps as well. They move together, her hands and mouth roaming Sakura's soft body, and Sakura's all over her supple muscles as Shirou's cock joins with Sakura's flesh, and his mouth sucks her clit deeply ...

By the gods she despises _..._ Rider actually screams. Just as she bucks, he sucks her hard and she orgasms. Sakura cries out and she can hear the splatter of her Master's ejaculation all over Shirou's waist. The smell of alkaline becomes strong in the room. Rider holds Sakura as she keeps cumming, as they both keep cumming. Shirou tenses under them, but remains strong, moving with them until their sensations eventually ebb. Rider is impressed. She and Sakura have always had a feedback loop between them, but the boy has stamina. 

But Rider is hungry. The boy had his prana. Now it is time to have all of hers. 

Sakura catches Rider's eye. Rider gets off of Shirou's face with Sakura's help. Sakura takes herself off of Shirou's cock, but holds it in her other hand, pumping it. Rider lies down near it, opening her mouth. Her tongue swirls around the boy's shaft, her lips suckling on his head. Sakura also lies down and begins licking the shaft and his balls. Rider can feel Shirou tensing. He's the one bearing down now. His hands find themselves in her hair, in Sakura's.

"I ..." Shirou groans. "I can't ..."

Rider and Sakura kiss and suckle each other through Shirou's cock between them. Rider can feel his eyes on them. She takes her hand and begins shaking his balls, almost jerking them. She makes what she wants clear. Sakura continues to lick them through her fingers and his shaft. 

"Oh ... oh _god_ ..." 

Rider has to admit, she has never heard Shirou _roar_ like that before. The boy jolts and she feels his cock jerk as his cum splatters between hers and Sakura's lips. He keeps yelling. Rider isn't sure if he is consciously expressing his pleasure, or it's so intense he just can't help it. But those thoughts are just background noise. White hot essence burns through her as Sakura shares Shirou's essence with her. His semen trickles from Sakura's mouth into her own, flowing down into her and meeting her core. Rider's eyes roll back into her head as prana fills her. Shirou has several convulsions before he trickles away, and there are just drops left. Rider gently licks them off of his head, feeling him wince a little from the over stimulation. She looks up and sees Sakura kissing Shirou's slackened lips.

The boy lies there, completely limp. Sakura lies down beside him and curls up under one of his arms. Rider gets up and takes his other arm, curling up on his other side. Her hand traces Sakura's hip bone, even as Sakura puts her hand on her arm. Rider looks at them. Sakura is glowing, and sated. She feels her Master's thumb stroke the back of her hand. 

"Happiness suits you, Sakura." Rider whispers. "You too, boy."

 "I ..." Shirou says after a while, his arms encircling both of them. "I love you." 

Rider chuckles, but not unpleasantly. Of course most men would say something like that after experiencing her and her Master, or any two women. But she remembers him saying that to them even earlier, before any of this. And her age-old cynicism aside, she knows he means it. That's just one of the reasons she did this. It's one of the reasons she wants to protect him along with Sakura. 

"We love you too, Senpai." Sakura murmurs against his chest, her voice muffled by his skin.

Rider doesn't say anything. Actions are more important than words. Instead, she kisses his chest, listening to his heartbeat ... so different, but so similar to Sakura's right nearby. She has to admit to herself, as she feels his hand stroke her hair, seeing him down the same with her Master -- their Master, their love -- that she could definitely get used to this. 


	70. Chapter 70

Emiya Shirou feels like he has been sitting on this porch forever.

After Sakura and Rider ... his body aches in a pleasant way. He had gotten up not too long ago to make breakfast for the three of them. Some of it is still simmering. Shirou is patient. He knows it might be some time before they wake up, and he doesn't want to rush them. Instead, he is sitting out here watching the dawn. There is no night anymore. No moon. His old man has been gone for years now. Even Illya is at her Castle, with no indication as to when she will visit next. 

It's just Shirou by himself now: him, and his memories that aren't often his own even now. But he remembers everything. 

He feels a hand on his head that suggests otherwise. Shirou looks up and sees Rider. She's dressed in a robe and sipping a cup of the coffee that he left brewed in the house. It shouldn't surprise him. Rider often keeps odd hours. Sometimes she sleeps late, curled into herself like the being that she used to be, or sits in the living room with one of her many books. But it seems today that she's awake, and here at the dawn.

"I'm glad you didn't try to take the key to the storehouse." Rider says, her hand still on Shirou's head, her fingers splayed over his skull. "It would not have been a very good end to an otherwise excellent night."

"I know." Shirou says. "I heard you both ... heard you _all_ ," he amends, "the first time. You know I wouldn't have gone in anyway."

"You can never be too sure." Rider says, sitting down beside him, her hand moving down his hair, stroking his cheek once before placing it with her other on her cup. "Though, granted, you are terrible at subterfuge."

Shirou sighs. "Is Sakura still asleep?"

"Yes." Rider says. "We tired her out well. Her mana is at adequate levels."

"I'm glad." Shirou replies, looking down at his hands.

"You are smiling." Rider points out.

Shirou looks up, back at her. "I am?"

Rider nods, sagely. "Yes." She regards him, with her head on an angle. "You don't have to stop."

"I ... I wasn't." Shirou stops protesting as he sees Rider smile. It isn't her usual smirk, or half-smile. It is genuine. "I ... I hope you don't stop either."

"So your pants say."

"I ..." Shirou manages to feel himself blushing to the roots of his ginger hair again. Rider laughs, that same beautiful tinkling sound that even now he doesn't hear often, and always finds precious.

Rider leans forward and kisses him on the cheek. "Trust me, boy. It is a compliment."

"I know. I ..." Shirou says. "I _feel_ ... happy." 

"I know you do." Rider replies. "Aside from the fact that I can smell it, you look different now. You don't ... you don't look like _him_ anymore." 

This gets Shirou's attention. Rider takes a sip of her coffee as she looks back at him. "I ... don't?" Then something occurs to him. "Rider ... most of the War and after, you knew us all by scent and other senses. Did ... did you ..."

"Practically from the very beginning." Rider answers.

"So." Shirou states. "You _knew_." 

Rider nods. "I did." 

"Why ... why didn't you tell me?"

"Because, boy, we were enemies for a while, remember?" She ruffles his hair, similar to how Sakura does. "And even though we were enemies ..."

"Yes?"

Rider sighs. "I didn't want to do that to you."

Shirou blinks. He is about to ask what she meant by that ... but then he knows. 

"I saw what he was like." Rider says. "Some people came to my island without a wish. Without any dream, or desire, or drive except for one." _Which she gave them_ , Shirou thinks to himself. "I sensed his intent. That emptiness overrode his killing intent, which was impressive given how many times he sent it your way."

"He hated himself." Shirou adds. 

"You are not him." Rider reminds him. "That's not how this works." She shakes her head. "Boy, I was willing to kill you. Maim you. Perhaps even consume your corpse, or drain your prana in Blood Fort Andromeda, or inside Breaker Gorgon, inside of me. Cybele might have made you into a passable statue. That worm Shinji could have given the order, or Sakura ... or even just me getting fed up with your suicidal sense of idealism. But I would never have told you about Archer. That ... would have been far too cruel. Or you might not have believed me. Besides," she says, "I suspect you already knew."

"I did." Shirou replies, not at all fazed by Rider's blithe descriptions of how she could have killed him. He had gone through worse. 

"Once, I embodied dreams." Rider says. "I never broke them. Even at my worst, all I did was nurture nightmares." Without missing a beat, she looks at him over her glasses. "What did you see when you were in that Reality Marble?"

"You already know." Shirou mumbles.

"No." Shirou feels Rider grip one side of his face. "Sakura knows because she is your Master. Saber knows because she's your Servant. I don't have that bond with you. I am neither your Master nor your Servant, Emiya Shirou. You will just have to tell me. As you will Rin, and Illya." 

"I ..." Shirou finds himself at a loss for words.

Rider's face softens. "I want to know, Shirou. You know a lot about me. And Sakura ... she said she would only tell me ... all of it when you did. If ... you don't feel comfortable, I'm sorry, I ..."

"I saw my parents." Shirou murmurs. "My life before the Fuyuki Fire. Before Kiritsugu found me."

Rider nods slightly. "You didn't remember them?"

Shirou shakes his head. "No. The Fire burned all those memories away. All I recall were the people I left behind. The ones I had to live for." He closes his eyes. "Rider, I was afraid ... I felt all those emotions I thought the Fire erased. Grief, pain, horror, loss ... I thought, feeling them, feeling that pain would change me. Change me more than I already have."

"Despite everything that happened to you, you are still a human being, boy."

"I know. But to help Illya, to help others ... I need to not be human." Shirou says. "That was what I thought anyway. I know Reality Marbles only generally happen to ancient vampires or Heroic Spirits. Only a truly alien mindset can create a powerful enough series of layers of reality to challenge Gaia, if only for a while. And I thought, I thought if I accepted that grief, those feelings I should have had, I would taint that chance. Destroy it."

"And what makes you think otherwise now?"

Shirou breathes out. "I know I shouldn't do this ..." He tells her. Rider just nods once. He sighs and concentrates, thinking of the arrow being notched from his quill and released from his black bow. "Trace. On."

The flow of memories and experiences courses through him and his Magic Circuits ... and an almost flawless version of Ruler Breaker with its jagged, venomous rainbow blade appears in his hands. Rider looks down at it. Shirou holds the hilt in his hands and Structurally Grasps it. It will stay in his hands for now. 

"You did this just now." 

"Yes." Shirou answers her statement. "Kotomine, in our last fight, said that we had started out in a similar way. The two of us ..."

"You mean, you and him." Rider corrects. "I smelled that priest. He smelled of death and blood. Of enjoyment. He wasn't even like Archer. You were nothing like him." 

"I know that now." Shirou says. "I know it's even true now. Before our last fight, he said that we started from a similar hollow place. The difference is, he told me, was that I was able to change. He wasn't. I think he was actually _jealous_ of me."

Shirou breathes in and out, letting Rule Breaker vanish back into the ether. "What happened with my attempt at a Marble was just another phase of that change. It shifted when I chose Sakura over many hypothetical lives. Then it changed further even I saved Saber."

"I remember." Rider says. "I almost killed you for that."

"And you said that it would have been more merciful to kill her." Shirou replies. "And I believed you."

"But you did it anyway." Rider counters.

"Yes." Shirou says. "And I would have done it again. All of it."

Shirou knows it is the truth. Just as he knows his Reality Marble still exists, and that he can Project. Just as he can see the memories and histories of blades in his mind even now. It is his truth. He wrote it down on that scribbled piece of paper when he attempted his aria that Illya still holds back at her Castle. Perhaps, soon enough, he will be ready to revisit it again. 

"Good." Rider says, leaning forward to stroke his hair. "I just have one more question for you, boy."

"Oh?" Shirou asks. "And what's that, Rider?"

She gives him a searching look. "You said your family died in the Fire, yes?"

Shirou nods. "Yes."

"Do you ... know if you have any other blood relatives left around?"

Shirou's brow furrows. "I ..." Something is nagging at him, but he isn't quite sure what it is exactly. "I'm not sure, to be honest. But ... I don't think so. Why do you ask?"

Rider stares at him for a second longer, and then shrugs. "Merely curiosity."

"I see." Shirou says. "Well I miss them, but ... but I think I have another family now."

"Yes." Rider says as he feels himself relax into her touch. "We do." 

They sit that way for a while, before they sense something soft, and insistent emanate from back inside the residence.

"Sakura is up." Rider says. "I think she's hungry."

"Oh good." Shirou says, getting up onto his feet. "I have everything prepared."

"The food might have to wait a little longer." Rider says, a sly smile on the corners of her mouth.

"... oh." Shirou looks down at himself. 

Rider places an arm around his shoulders. "Don't worry, boy." She says, as they walk back into the house. "You will get it eventually." 


	71. Chapter 71

Saber hears Bazett swearing in her room in another language. She doesn't know the particulars of it, or the dialect, but she suspects it's some kind of Gaelic. Well, according to Rin that is one of Zelretch's perquisites met, if nothing else. 

"Bloody English!" Bazett growls as Saber and Rin watch the one-armed woman. "Damned thieves! They even steal our ancient Treasures, and call them their own. Three Treasures of Britain." Rin is pretty sure the purple-haired woman just spat. Sella will not be pleased about that in the guestroom, along with all of these other powerful artifacts. "As if they had the  _dinnsheanchas_ to even know what these are, parallel worlds or not!"

"What?" Rin asks, obviously not having any idea what that word means.

" _Dinnsheanchas_." Bazett sighs in exasperation. Then, hearing more of the silence, she throws her remaining hand up in the air. "The bards called it 'the knowledge of the lore of places.' And that's something whoever called these artifacts English obviously didn't understand!"

Saber feels herself continually arching an eyebrow at the Irish magus. Rin looks askance at Saber and whispers. "She doesn't mean any offense."

"None taken." Saber replies quietly, more bemused than anything. She doesn't know much about Ireland or its people, beyond the ancient peoples they were during her time. Sometimes the various tribes and fiefdoms that made up her former kingdom had alliances, and feuds with them. Their storytellers had been wise, she recalls, just as legends of their battle prowess seemed to go on forever. But aside from that superficial knowledge, she doesn't know what the descendants of her fallen Camelot did with the peoples of Ireland, though from what she understands her people had committed enough atrocities against them over the centuries to deserve at least some of this acrimony. And even so, she suspects Bazett is more venting her personal frustrations more than decrying her countrymen. 

"I mean _,_ I shouldn't be surprised." Bazett grouses, watching the Chessboard move on its own, a pensive expression falling on her flushed face. "They made the Clock Tower after all, and look where it got me ..." 

"Rin." Saber puts a hand on the Tohsaka magus' shoulder as she sees her draw in a breath. "It isn't worth it."

Rin just shakes her head. Saber knows, enough from hearing about it, and from what little interactions the two had that she was going to say something along the lines of how it had been Bazett that _chose_ to serve as an Enforcer for the Clock Tower in the first place, and this fact alone allowed her the resources to summon her Servant. But given Bazett's current mood of irritability, it didn't bear mentioning. Besides, Rin had her own issues with the Clock Tower as a foreigner, and their own machinations against her. But Rin likes to kick metaphorical hornet's nests, and Bazett -- if anything else -- was practically vibrating in frustration. 

The two of them had taken Bazett from the Church on the Hill which, thankfully, didn't feel like death anymore. The old priest had met them agreeably enough, and so much better than Kotomine: which didn't say much as most of anyone would have been better than that evil man, except for ...

Rin had told Saber that the old priest was about ready to take his leave. Soon, the Church was going to leave a successor in his place. Little did they know ... As it turns out, the priest hadn't been the one primarily treating Bazett's injuries this past while. Bazett had already known what Saber was. She didn't even have to say anything. Saber saw the woman look to her stump, where her arm with its Command Seals used to be, and up at her and _knew_. But then the _other_ woman in the room, reminded her in a deceptively gentle way that her phantom pain was natural, and it would pass in time. She wasn't a nun of a type that Saber could recognize. The woman wore Church robes. She had white hair, and if it weren't for her somewhat taller body height, and her golden eyes, she would have almost sworn she was looking at Illya. 

She had been strange. The priestess, which is what the Father had called her, had been taking care of Bazett this entire time. Then she recalled Rin complaining about some kind of nun that was always hovering around Bazett, and wore almost as many bandages as she did, if not more. Saber could see the hint of a white bandage underneath a lock of white hair, which the others might not have perceived. The Father introduced her to the young woman, one Sister Caren Hortensia. And there was something in the way that she smiled, asking God to bless them that made her skin crawl in a familiar manner. 

She could see even Rin tense up when the Father confirmed that Caren was his replacement at the Church.

At the time, Saber was concerned about Bazett being intimidated by her presence, especially after she found out she had been Lancer's original Master before Kotomine's treachery. But she noticed enough to see that not only was Bazett unsettled and angry by the girl's presence and words, but when Caren said she looked forward to replacing _Father_ Kotomine, with strange emphasis on that word, and that through her the Church would follow Rin's dealings with great interest and memory, she found Rin on edge as well. It didn't help when the priest told them Sakura's training was as complete as he could make it, and Caren added that while she wasn't competent in thaumaturgy like the _Father_ , she hoped that Sakura would continue to visit: as _she_ had good manners. 

Also, as they left, Saber was pretty sure Bazett stuck out her middle finger when Caren hoped she could " _avenge_ him _,_ " and that Caren saw it and only seemed to smile a little wider. 

This, sadly, seemed to be Rin and Bazett's only common ground as the rest of the trek back to Illya's Castle through the cab was nothing short of silent hostility. Saber didn't know if she had been relieved to be sitting between them, or wishing she wasn't. 

"Of course these aren't all Thirteen of them, as if there were only thirteen." Bazett scoffs. "Lord El-Melloi, you said that you and ... Saber have something that might help me ... help you."

"That is Lord El-Melloi II." The older magus mutters with no small amount of irritation. Saber was definitely relieved to see that Illya had received the man. Bazett's body language had become quite tense when she saw a Lord of the Clock Tower waiting for her. If no one had said anything further, it would have resulted in a fight. But when the name "Zelretch" in conjunction with the word "favour" came into play, everyone calmed down somewhat: especially when Illya told her the Castle was still under renovations and she would not tolerate fighting of _any_ kind here. "And yes, my Clan managed to salvage this."

Lord El-Melloi hands Bazett the object. She looks it over. Obviously, the former young Waver Velvet took no offense to Bazett's English tirade, most likely because -- like Rin -- he had spent a good portion of his own life rebelling and attempting to find his place in that stratified and often brutal environment, perhaps even more so as an Englishman. It is a strange notion, that she and Waver Velvet were fellow citizens of a sort. Certainly, after seeing his apprentice, Saber felt ... rather uncomfortable by a ... resemblance. She wonders if Mordred could have managed to have a child, or Morgana ... or perhaps some other issue of her royal father Uther who had been known to roam almost as much as Merlin ...

"Hm." Bazett says, turning it over in her hand. "So this was what your Family used to summon their Servant in the Fourth War."

It takes Saber a while to recall. Her heart sinks. She remembers the noble knight with the two lances. His easy smile, his determined eyes, his speed, and his courageousness. She can still see his Masters get shot him front of him, but not before he impaled himself on his last lance point. She took no pleasure in killing his Master who forced him to kill himself, a fact she doesn't mention to the current Lord El-Melloi in front of her, 

Rin squeezes her hand reassuringly. She prepared her for this. She asked her all kinds of questions about her time in the Fourth War: about her time with Irisviel, her confrontation against Caster and his eldritch abominations that Rin herself had faced as a little girl then, her fight with poor Lancelot and Gilgamesh ...

And Lancer. 

"His name was Diarmuid Ua Duibhne." Saber says, in her voice husky through a throat that has become dry. "He was the Lancer of the Fourth Holy Grail War." She sees Waver Velvet nod, his own gaze faraway, remembering his own experiences no doubt. "He was an excellent warrior, and an even better man." Rin squeezes her hand harder. She doesn't care who sees, her own pride be damned after everything. "He ... he was the better Servant of a poor Master."

Saber remembers the black blood pouring out of Lancer's mouth, opened in an O of betrayal and his amber eyes glowing red with pure hatred as he cursed them all. She remembers Caren's golden eyes. She recalls Kiritsugu treating her like a weapon, and ordering her to obliterate the Grail.  _She lifts off her black visor and sees her pale face looking back at her, her own armour blackened and ridden with red veins ... and her own glowing eyes and blackness looking right back at her, a dark mirror of Lancelot's corruption, of Lancer's ..._

"Saber ..."

Saber's mind immediately comes back to the present. Rin smiles at her reassuringly. Waver Velvet looks uncomfortable as he regards her. "Saber, I'm sorry that we reminded you of ..."

"No." Saber tells them. "I am glad I remember him. He didn't deserve his fate, but he fought with honour and bravery towards .. the end. That is how I choose to remember him."

"He was the Loyal Knight of the Fianna." Bazett says, some wonder in her voice. "A great hero. Cursed with a love spot. His fate was just as tragic as my Lancer's ..."

Saber remembers why she is here, and gathers her resolve again as she sees Illya sitting in the room with them: watching them. "Lancer had two Noble Phantasms. Both were passive. He didn't have to call out their names. One of them was a yellow spear that caused a permanent, unhealable wound." She flexes her arm, remembering the healing magic from Irisviel that had no effect on her. "And the other was a red spear that negated all magic -- armour or otherwise -- for a short period of time."

"Gae Buidhe and Gae Dearg." Bazett whispers. "I remember the legends. One was given to him by the fairy king Manannán mac Lir, and became his death against the curse of the Demon Boar, and the latter was gifted him by his druid foster father Aengus Óg. My family told us many of his stories, along with those of Cu Chulainn." A wistful look comes to her face. "And this was the catalyst used to summon him by Kayneth Archibald."

"Which my predecessor abused." Lord El-Melloi admits.

Bazett grits her teeth, her sole hand clenching around the object. Saber knows she can relate. "Neither deserved them." She sighs and looks at them. "What do you want me to do?"

Waver Velvet points to the piece paper on the desk in the admittedly cluttered guest room. "The catalyst will be useful. You don't need it though. What we need is what you know about the legends. Whatever the Fraga Family knows about Lancer's spear, his ... Gae Dearg. If you know any Runecraft ..."

Bazett shakes her head. "It's our bread and butter, but not to the extent of my Lancer." The hurt is still there in that voice. "But then again, no one does. Probably not since Lugh's time. But that spear was gifted to Diarmuid by a druid ... You brought the books?" She looks at the volumes at the corner of the table.

"Yes." Rin says, but looking a little uncomfortable. Saber too wonders where or how Zelretch got all of this arcane Celtic lore, in addition to the earliest accounts of Irish heroes and mythology, and wonders why he couldn't do anything with it, unless it didn't fall into his understanding of magecraft or Magic. "It should all be there."

"We need to know its principles, as much as we can from the legends as much as possible." Lord El-Melloi says. "Sadly, my predecessor didn't keep any journals or observations, or if he did, they were destroyed during the Hyatt Incident."

That was her old Master's responsibility. Saber knows that much. Again, she is glad that Shirou did not take after his own foster father. 

"Ah." Bazett she flips through a page. "I take it this Noble Phantasm didn't survive." She sighs. "I don't know exactly what you are trying to do ..."

"We just need as much information and lore on the object as possible." Rin says, annoyance creeping into her tone. "And after, we might need you to give us a description, between you and Saber ..."

"To the Emiya boy." 

Everyone stares at Bazett. She shrugs. It makes sense to Saber. The woman was an Enforcer who hunted specific magi down. She surely had excellent deductive skills. "I can already tell he is important. That's what I told your sister. I have to admit, I'm kind of curious about him and what he might need with this lore on Gae Dearg. Do you ... do you really think between him and what you are building in your basement right now, you can replicate --"

"They'll do their job." Illya says snappily, her eyes glowing for a few moments. Saber wonders if Illya is going to use her Mystic Eyes on the former Enforcer, but they gradually dim into slits of annoyance. Saber and Rin had seen the other homunculi, presumably from Einzbern Castle, repairing and adding ... a new structure to Illya's Workshop. Both she and Rin were impressed. Even Rin, who usually spent most of her time sniping at Illya, had to agree that it was an excellent plan considering what Shirou ultimately is at heart. As for Saber, it reminded her of the bowels of her own castle and the smell of metal all around her kingdom ... Illya had originally wanted everything done first before they came here, but she changed her mind. "You would do well to do yours, Enforcer. Hmmph."

Perhaps Illya thought she was being graceful or deadly when she made that threat, but Bazett actually seems more amused than anything as the homunculus girl walks out of the room. According to Waver Velvet, the woman had been something of a powerhouse for the Clock Tower, in her hunting, before running afoul of Kotomine. It occurs to her that she just sees Illya as a little girl. Perhaps even Rin as well. 

Saber nods at them. "I will return shortly. If you will excuse me."

Saber doesn't have to search long. Illya is staring out of one of her Castle's stained glass windows. Illya doesn't even turn around.

"We should kill her." Illya says, as matter-of-factly as stating that it is going to rain.

Saber shakes her head. "I'm afraid not, Illya. We do need her. And she is cooperative." 

"She knows too much and she will try and betray us to save herself." Illya says, her youthful peevishness belied by her cold logic.

"You mean, as you could have killed Rin or Shirou or the other Masters to get one of their Servants?"

Illya whips around and glares at Saber. " _Berserker was the only Servant for me. Ever._ " She snarls. "I would never ..." Her voice trails off.

Saber nods. She watches Illya's gaze change slightly, thawing just a little bit. "She ... she really misses her Lancer."

"She does." Saber replies. "He's all she wants."

"Well." Illya says, sighing. "That's where we're different. She might be willing to brave the Kaleidoscope, but I have my onii-chan." Her smile is wistful and bitter for her childlike lips. "If I'd known about Archer sooner ..." She shakes her head. "It still wouldn't have been the same. I want to spend as much time with him as I can." She looks at her. "And this will help?"

Saber kneels at Illya's level. Suddenly, she takes out her sword, and lays it against her belt. Without prana flowing through it, Merlin's enchantments swirl around the golden blade and make it disappear. Then she banishes it entirely, holding only its sheathe. 

Illya's eyes widen. "Saber ..."

"I, Arturia Pendragon, King of Britain, ruler of Camelot, vow to do everything in my power to save you, Illyasviel von Einzbern, daughter of Irisviel von Einzbern and Emiya Kiritsugu." She holds out the golden sheathe. "I offer you the protection of Avalon until the time that we can save you."

"N-no ... Saber ..." Illya steps back. "I ... I can't."

"I insist." Saber says.

"No. I ... I know how much Avalon means to you." Illya stammers. "You didn't have it for centuries. Papa used it to summon you and ... he probably kept it in him. Then onii-chan. Then onii-chan ..."

"... used it to save me." Saber remembers the agony of Angra Mainyu and Avalon warring inside of her until she was brought painfully back to her senses and the consequences of her own actions. "I'll admit." Her voice has an odd twinge. "I was afraid ... for the longest time, of what would happen if I took Avalon out of me ... if I gave it away again. If the darkness ..." She shakes her head. "But I faced it. I faced it in many different worlds, and I didn't fall. My quest is done, Illya. This is the final part of it, for me. Because." She looks at her. "I am in love with your brother. And I will do everything in my power to never betray his smile. And that means, you need to live: for as long as any of us can."

"... you are a Servant." Illya says in a small voice. "You could live forever, or vanish tomorrow if Rin gets too weak."

"Living is about chance and risk." Saber acquiesces. "And anything else is just existence ... without trust." 

Illya hesitates. Then, she picks up the scabbard, the sheathe made by faeries. It glows brilliantly as she embraces it ... right into herself. A new energy lights up in Illya's eyes. 

"I feel ..." She takes her hands and puts them on Saber's. Saber remembers just how small Illya is compared to her and the rest of them by how her gloves cover the girl's hands and arms through palms alone. "Saber ..."

"I meant what I said, Illya." She tells her, feeling a peaceful resoluteness fill her. "We will save you. This is our new quest." 


	72. Chapter 72

Matou Sakura watches Tohsaka Rin from her position on top of the tree branch. 

Tonight, on the property of Tohsaka Manor and its complex Bounded Fields protecting them from all witnesses save those magi who would know better than to spy on the domain of the Second Owner, there are no friends here. No sisters. With the moon in the sky, bathing her stilled self in a sense of solemnity, Matou Sakura is a magus and her Neesan, whom she laughs and cries with, is another magus. 

Right now, as she quietly Projects a bow and arrow into her hands -- focusing her energy into the tip of the obsidian arrowhead -- Tohsaka Rin is her rival. 

And she must defeat her. Nothing more, and nothing less.

Sakura lets her breath take her over. Breathing and Walking. Her mind is empty. Her core is Hollow. A deep part of her, neglected for years, understands the truth that is Matou Sakura. No, it is less than that. Between breaths and tiny increments of movement with those breaths, meaningless surnames such as Tohsaka and Matou, come and go through inhalations and expiration. Her body remembers. If there is one thing that Sakura understands, has always understood, it is her body. Her body has been trained to react. On a basic level, through the instruction of Tohsaka Rin, the old priest of the Church, and even her senpai, she knows the importance of muscle memory. And her body remembers well. It remembers pain, and trauma. It remembers the paroxysms of sickness and desire. 

Originally, Sakura believed her body was a filthy, disease-ridden animal that needed to be put out of its misery, or drowned in its own base wants. But even then, she learned how to make her mind distant from all those sensations, and feelings. She may well have been able to detach herself from those elements, in perpetuity, if it hadn't been for her senpai. But with that same detachment, now honed with knowledge and self-discipline, she understands what she is now.

Her body isn't so much a ravenous animal needing to be disciplined, though sometimes with Rider or her senpai, it is. No. Right now, at this moment, the body self that is Matou Sakura is a vessel. It's always been a vessel. If there is one thing she has to thank the monstrosity that was Matou Zouken for, it is that through his constant pain and torment -- even when he attempted to alter her origins and affinity with his Crest Worms -- it is a body that is responsive, but hollow and empty ... an existence that can be filled by whatever she ultimately chooses. Tohsaka Rin told her, in their studies once, far away from this situation now, that she had been Imaginary Numbers. In fact, she vaguely recalls an older man telling her something along those lines as well, Tokiomi whose surname -- a useless surname -- she once shared. Imaginary Numbers Emptiness, or Hollow. 

It is appropriate. All of Sakura's entire life, she had been little more than a ghost, or an imaginary person. A tool. By the time her uncle died in front of her, until her senpai, she felt nothing. She was nothing. 

The element that is Matou Sakura is an Imaginary Number, one of two, trapped between five that have always been favoured: that have almost always existed. 

She sees Rin right now, at the corner of the property in the back of her manor. Sakura has already Reinforced her body, the energies strengthening her upper arms and calves, her ankles and wrists -- her hands and feet -- and her five senses well enough. It would never be as good as Archer's, or even her senpai's when he is at his best, but she thinks it approximates Rin's well enough at this point in her training. Sakura watches as Rin finds another one of her sigils.

Rin must be disappointed. It is the Fifth Holy Grail War all over again, with blood sigils draining prana: though nowhere near the level of Rider's Blood Fort Andromeda. Rider took a great deal of time teaching Sakura -- through instinct more than knowledge -- how to take her own blood and its properties to create something that absorbs energy. Perhaps with anyone else, and with time, Sakura could have made the sigils break down matter and blood almost as rapidly as it had when she was the Shadow, or as a lighter form of what Rider was capable. But right now, it makes a suitable distraction. 

She imagines Rin using her magecraft to break the sigil down, rendering it into something less harmful until it can regenerate itself. But Sakura knows better. Her approximation of Blood Fort Andromeda's sigils that Shinji used so ineptly, and Rider could do so well, would not repair itself. She hadn't had time to put them everywhere in the area. After all, Tohsaka Rin was hunting Matou Sakura just as much as she was hunting her.  

Still, the Crest on Sakura's arm glows as she imbues a Gandr into the arrowhead, inhaling with her Magic Circuits, filling the emptiness of the arrowhead ...

And when she exhales, she releases the arrow like unleashing a swing from her own being.

Rin, predictably, rolls out of the way, unleashing some Gandr blasts in her own direction. 

Sakura leaps out of the trees, jumping from one branch to another in order to avoid the curses. She doesn't move as fluidly, or as swiftly as Rider in their training sessions: ones that had become even more intense during their time preparing their home with senpai, or when he was being treated at Illya's Castle. But she is fast enough ... save in one instance.

She lands on her feet, absorbing the fall and breathing out: relaxing her Reinforced body into its new position as one Gandr Shot comes at her face. Sakura holds out one hand and lets the curse contact her. It is almost like her senpai's Structural Analysis in that cold, distant, part of her mind. She imagines the Gandr, using the knowledge from the Crest to fill in the rest of her instinctual perception, and thinks about the energy placed into it. Even though the Crest Worms in her nerve-endings are gone, her body remembers. After all, at their fundamental level all bodies are made of Water. And all people are truly alone. Sakura inhales. She expands the emptiness of her mind to the shot and lets it contact her, allowing her Hollow nature to break it down and absorb the energy into her Circuits. She blocks and drains the energy from another shot. And another. 

Then she jumps back and with a series of controlled exhales from the energy she took, unleashes another series of arrow shots at Rin, who ducks out of the way. She moves rapidly, recalling Shirou's advice and remembering his dreams. This, combined with her training at Archery Club of which she is now Captain, makes her precision fair. But she isn't truly aiming at Rin. Not at all. 

Instead, Sakura is aiming at her own sigils.

These arrow tips do not have Gandr curses in them. Rather, they are infused with her own essence. The sigils absorb prana, because there is a fundamental emptiness inside of them even as Sakura's own spells, derived from the Matou, absorb energy and pain. They are more focused with the arrows and the circuit of giving and taking that is her nature: the cycle Rider has always taught her to embrace. Two negatives meet and repel one another. While Sakura can't create elemental spells naturally, save with an approximation towards Water -- binding and absorption even now -- physics are still her friend. These two Hollow forces, made of blood and shadows, Water and Hollow are like bubbles that burst. The shock of these tiny explosions rustle through the backyard. One of them actually makes Rin stagger in mid-air, but as she falls she unleashes some tiny, shining gems. They find the dark voids of her spells, her makeshift gravity mines, and they absorb positive energy, attracting them. But between their expended charges, and the strength of the lightning in the gems, they are completely spent.

Anyone else may have been disheartened. The sigils may have slowly drained Rin's prana while the arrows could have given Sakura more energy to work with at the other's expense. 

But that was never Sakura's intent.

Sakura has more than enough energy. She is a vessel. A Vessel.

She charges forward, absorbing some of Rin's actual gems as they shatter. These ones are cold. Frozen. A Water element. Being an Average One makes Rin extremely versatile, while ordinarily Sakura could only truly do damage to spiritual bodies. A part of her, shunted away for the purposes of this exercise, recalls the priest stating that if the Church had trained her first and solely, she may have made for an effective ghost hunter, or exorcist. 

But the only ghosts that Sakura plans to hunt tonight are those of the past.

Sakura inhales sharply and absorbs the prana from the spells, Hollowing them out, and negating them before they can encase and slow her down. This, however, doesn't stop Rin from drawing out her Jeweled Sword. An arc of fire blazes towards Sakura. A part of her inwardly smiles. Rin is truly going all out tonight if she's using so many of her gems, and now her Sword. It's nowhere near the monstrosity that she had made Shirou Project before their fateful fight under Mount Enzou, especially as she isn't moving as gingerly with it. It is small and smoother, more like an Azoth dagger than anything else. Rin is drawing on the ambient energy of the leyline here, and in other parallel worlds. According to Rin ... Tokiomi, at least in what journals she could find, had stored a great deal of prana in the jewel of his staff before heading off into the Fourth War, along with the pendant he left her as her inheritance. But instead of using her own personal energy stored over months or years, she is using the mana of other iterations of her land to stop this before it all begins. It is a repeat of the last phase of their Holy Grail War.

And Sakura is ready to indulge her.

She calls on her reserves. She still has enough, even with Rider and Shirou's bonds. A mass of shadows, with unblinking violet eyes, rise up around her and receive the brunt of the fire blast. They burn ... even as the flames recede, and they grow just a little taller. They are not large, not like the Giant Shadows she summoned during the War when she was more or less completely out of her mind: deranged, possessed by her lusts, undisciplined ... 

She silently orders her shadow familiars forward into a charge.

Rin blasts them again, actually negating some of the existences of the front line with a blast of pure Etheric energy. But their energies flow backwards into the back group, and those shadows grow. Sakura can't keep generating them, not like she did during the War with Angra Mainyu using her as its puppet. She feels her Circuits burning enough with every fluid inhale and exhale, and every purposefully shaky breath that she engineers in staccato. But the energy around Rin is almost a shield against her shadows.

But there is one shadow that Sakura is looking for in particular.

And she sees it. 

Rin manages to blast a gap in her small army of darkness and run ...

Sakura utilizes Gradation Air, her bow on her shoulder and her arrows all fading away. Instead, she reaches for her ribbon and retrieves and another object. It is small and tied into her hair, but she finds it easily enough. Then, after channeling energy into it as she had been taught, Sakura throws it at Rin.

For all of Sakura's precision, it misses Rin completely. The small sword, glittering in the remnants of Rin's light and embers, soars through the air and slices into the ground. Rin lands from her own leap and turns around, about to draw on her power again. But then her blue eyes widen. 

Rin can't move.

Sakura watches as Rin tries to move out of her spot but her legs can't cooperate. Her arms are free, however, cornered as she is in the trees on her property: exactly in the place she wanted her to be trapped. That is unfortunate. But she can't move out of that place. In the glittering light Rin unleashes against her rapidly depleting shadow familiars, Sakura sees that Rin realizes what's happened.

The sword has pierced the lower half of her shadow: pinning her into place. 

Before the determined set of Rin's eyes can turn into blue slits and she destroys the blade with her magecraft, Sakura summons her power, her real power. Shadows return to her and gather around her and Rin. One of the tendrils actually strikes Rin even as she destroys the sword, returning it back into useless energy. A dark box. Sakura doesn't smile. She doesn't feel anything. After Shirou broke her contract with Angra Mainyu, her Hollow magic shouldn't have been able to hurt normal humans, or even magi. Against spirits, or even Servants, it would have been painful even now. Yet, as she and Rin had realized, Angra Mainyu had still left its mark on her. Sakura is a Vessel. Her Hollow energies, combined with what she gleaned from Matou restraining spells, can _still_ hurt humans. She absorbs what is given to her. She reflects the lessons ingrained into her. 

Sakura's body remembers. Her soul will never forget.

Sakura's energy strains against Rin's. The outer part of Akasha and the remains of the Grail system verses the approximation of a Mystic Code of the Second Magic. It is a small Bounded Field: another adaptation of the wanton manipulation of dimensional pockets she used to consume so many lives during the War. The darkness will surround Rin, trap her, and cut her. It won't kill her. Sakura has more control than that. But it will defeat her. It will cut her off from mana and oxygen. It will remove her from the leylines of her land. It will contain her. And she will win. 

Sakura strains to maintain the flow into her spell even as she generates another arrowhead and points it at the box, imbuing it with another curse just to be sure. But the box of shadows isn't good enough.

The Jeweled Sword breaks through her wall of darkness as Rin goes on the offensive. Rin knocks the bow and arrow out of Sakura's hands with a powerful front kick. Sakura bows away from the kick that becomes a roundhouse, and pushes out with her hands to actually hit Rin's fingers. The Jeweled Sword goes flying away as the two magi grapple with one another. Sakura's legs and knees counter Rin's. They fall on the ground together, struggling in interlocking joint-locks and elbows, their feet trying to gain purpose against each other. 

Sakura manages to swing on top of Rin, delivering a series of Reinforced blitz punches, each one of them enough to kill an ordinary opponent. Rin blocks her face with her forearms. This is it. Sakura can't find another weak spots as Rin has still managed to pin her legs with her own. Sakura summons her power again, knowing she has to do this. She has to defeat Rin. She has come far from that undisciplined mess of a psychopath, a tormented experiment, a victim. Her senpai has risked his own life and sanity to save his sister, to fight for them all. She needs to be worthy. She needs to be able to fight for him too. To be strong for him. 

She summons her power ... binding another absorption spell, to take Rin's energy -- to negate her Reinforcement -- imagining the dark water of her vessel ... until something ... 

With a ridiculous sound of flatulence resounding in the air, a wet clay-like substance spills on Rin's face. 

The two of them pause, in shock. Then Rin punches Sakura in the face, blinding her in her distraction, then swiveling her hips around and twirling them around on the ground, landing on top of her this time. It takes Sakura a moment to realize that Rin has the tip of a dagger at her throat. 

"Do you yield?" Rin pants, though her eyes remain emotionless. 

Sakura wants to struggle. But suddenly, she remembers her lessons. Her training. She makes herself relax. This isn't death. Not tonight. There will be another time. She inhales and exhales. "Yes." She says after a while. "I yield."

"Good." Rin gasps. "I accept your surrender."

Then Rin rolls off of her sister, and lies next to her on the cool grass, panting hard. They stay that way for a while. Sakura feels Rin's hand reach out against her own. She takes it and holds it. 

"I thought ..." Rin says, after a time. "I thought I'd seen enough ether clumps to last me a life time."

"Is that ..." Sakura replies, catching her own breath. "Is that what I did to your ... face?"

Rin wipes at it, irritably, with one sleeve. "Yeah."

"Didn't you say they were useless, Neesan?"

Rin nods. "Pretty much."

Sakura feels her face turn red. "I lost concentration ... I'm ..."

"Don't be, Sakura. Hey, it's not as though you accidentally shat on me, or anything. We're not giving you _toilet_ training."

This time, Sakura manages to turn and glare at her sister. "Not helping, Neesan."

The two of them regard each other seriously for a few more moments before their faces start to quiver. Rin does look ridiculous with that stuff all over her face. Both of the sisters begin to laugh. They laugh uncontrollably for a while. This whole thing is ridiculous, Sakura realizes. 

"Oh ... Sakura." Rin chuckles. "You ... almost had me." She sighs. "So, when were you going to tell me you could make Black Keys?"

"To be honest ..." Sakura's voice trails off for a bit. "I wasn't sure I could."

"How did you convince the priest to show you how to do that?"

Sakura looks at Rin. "Didn't Kotomine show you how to do that?"

"Oh _hell_ no." Rin rolls her eyes. "He gave me martial training and basic magecraft tutoring. Those are _Church_ secrets, Sakura. And Kirei wouldn't have taught me those. Even if I _had_ been interested. Besides, it seemed to give him joy to deny me just one more thing."

"It was Senpai." Sakura explains. "He made the hilt for me. During the War, Kotomine gave him a Black Key and ..."

"And the baka absorbed it into his Marble." Rin sighs. "Of course he did. And so, when you trained with the Father, he saw and ..."

"I don't think he trained me in all of its secrets." Sakura admits. "As, even now, I don't really feel like joining the Church and going through ... whatever it is they do to gain that knowledge ... I want to be here for all of you."

"Eh." Rin waves a hand. "I know. But the Father knew who you were related to and the status of the ... people you were placed with. I have to admit, I never thought you would use Black Keys. Though it's weird ..." Rin's voice trails off in deep thought. "How were you able to pin my shadow down? I mean, I always thought the Keys of Providence only affected vampires or demons."

Sakura giggles. She can't help it. She remembers Shirou calling Rin a kitsune in his delirium, not to mention all of Issei's comments. Rin turns and points a stern finger at Sakura's face. "Don't _you_ start." She says in disgust. 

"O-okay Neesan. It's just ... I don't know. You said Kotomine never really talked with you about the arts of the Church. Maybe ... they do affect people as well as others? I know the Father told me it suited my abilities to affect spiritual bodies. Maybe ... maybe it was my time during the War, when ... I was changed ... maybe that's how I can do it."

"Hmm. That might make sense." Rin acquiesces. Sakura stares up at the sky. Just as her eyes and hair will never be anything other than purple, and she will always be able to approximate the Water element, the price of carrying the Fourth Grail War's tainted remnants inside her body since she was seven would always leave her body ... different. It was just like senpai. Even though his body can't heal without Avalon in it, he was eight when that Noble Phantasm protected him from the Grail's taint and ultimately changed his very nature on a fundamental level forever. It's something that neither of them can take back, or change: just one more thing they had in common. She hates that the Grail, that Angra Mainyu, left her with the ability to hurt humans. But Sakura has learned that she just has to come to terms what happened to her: to use it to help others and, like her senpai, make sure it doesn't happen to anyone else for which she cares. 

"Well, whatever the case." Rin says, as she gets to her feet. "That was a pretty effective strategy. I'll have to remember that for next time." 

Sakura groans, but she takes Rin's hand, letting her pull her up. "I just have to make sure not to make clay all over your face next time."

"Please Sakura, don't ..." Rin winces. "Don't phrase it like that."

Sakura grins. "You started it, Neesan." She brushes off her clothing. "And by the way, _another_ Azoth dagger? Really?" 

Rin retrieves her Sword and places it back on her belt. "When you are a magus, Sakura, you walk with death. It doesn't mean you shouldn't be prepared for anything. As you should be." She shakes her head. "We will get you one soon enough. "And how is the Crest taking?"

"Oh. Well, it ..." Sakura pauses. She looks at her arm. "It's doing well ..."

Both sisters were almost surprised. Usually, a Crest implementation is harder the older that you are. However, with the formula they had been working on along with a direct application of Saber's Avalon, Rin was able to replicate enough information from the Tohsaka Crest to place into Sakura. Perhaps it was their formula, the use of Avalon during the slow and methodical transfer procedures, or Sakura's own continual link with Akasha and her altered nature, but aside from needing some potions, her half of the Crest has been functioning well. She doesn't even have to announce the name of the Gandr or other spells from it. It is just like muscle memory to her now. 

"I know how ... hard it must have been ..." Rin begins.

Sakura shakes her head. "No. Whatever else I have issues with ... as I said, anything that adds to my usefulness, to you, Senpai, and our Alliance is good. Whatever my feelings."

"Sakura ..."

Sakura smiles again. "This is not the worst thing I've had inscribed on me. I didn't even know magi made branch families this way. I will ... add my own stuff to this Crest. I'll make it mine. It will be a dirty job, but I will do it. Speaking of which." Sakura's smile brightens. "You'd best remember to clean yourself up before tomorrow though."

Rin's face is blank for a few moments. Then horror, like nothing displayed in their duel, splays on her face before it's masked by genuine annoyance. "Oh yeah. I'm seeing the baka here tomorrow. For ... prana flow aid."

"Uh huh." Sakura nods. "I can't believe you forgot that, Neesan."

"I ... didn't." Rin says, distractedly. "I have all the materials set ..."

"For the lesson." Sakura adds helpfully.

Rin gives Sakura an incredibly dirty look. "Yes."

"And of course, Senpai will have to make you tea and snacks first before anything."

"Well ... yes." Rin splutters. "it's only fair. I am his tutor. I will instruct him and in exchange he will undertake these tasks. After everything I've done for him ..."

Sakura inwardly chuckles as Rin takes her own turn to blush. For all of Rin's posturing, she wears her heart on her sleeve. "And Saber will be at Illya's?" 

"Yeah yeah." Rin grouses. "I don't know what she's doing there with her so much, probably helping keep a watch on our guest and ... valuables. But she made a point of it."

"Uh huh." 

"Seriously, Sakura. I think you've been spending too much time around Rider."

Sakura schools her face into a smile, which doesn't take much. "I could say the same about you, Neesan."

"I ..." Rin opens her mouth and closes it. "This is so ... so weird."

"What is?" Sakura adds, sweetly, much as she'd heard Rin do often. "You said you are just teaching him some ... prana flow rituals?"

"Yes, just that ..." Rin slumps her shoulders. Sakura decides to take that moment to hug them. "Is this really all right, Sakura?"

"Neesan." Sakura turns Rin around gently to look at her. They are both dirty and fatigued. She smiles, a genuine smile, at her sister. "I want you both to be happy. And I see how you are when you are around him. And how he is around you. It's about time."

"Yeah." Rin shakes her head. "I mean, it is damned time for me to spend some time with the baka after all the time he's spent with everyon -- I mean, it's been a while since I could observe him without distractions ..."

"Uh huh ..." Sakura nods sagely.

Rin glowers at her. "Well ... you made an _ether clump_ all over my face!" 

Sakura rolls her eyes. "That's right. Let's change the topic though ... how did I do that?" She turns to look at Rin. "I mean, I use shadows and Water. Ether clumps are made when you improperly combine Ether with one of the other four Elements to manifest a spell, right?"

"Yes. That's about it."

"But magical energy is what powers our thaumaturgy."

"Yeah ..." 

"But Ether is one of the five elements that I can't ... use, right?"

"But that's different. Ether and that energy are different."

"But, Neesan. You wrote a paper on True Ether coming from Akasha and being a foundation of reality, while Ether is something artificial and made for modern Magecraft." Sakura puts a finger to her chin, thoughtfully. "So, how could I use Ether if I can't touch the five elements, but its integral to modern Magecraft functioning at all?"

Rin shakes her head. "It's complicated, Sakura, though ..." She gives her a pointed look. "This is the first time you've ever really shown interest in magecraft. I mean ... beyond it just being a duty, to help people ..."

"I just wonder ..." Sakura looks at the residue on Rin's face. "I know Ether clumps can be used to channel magic in items. You said Leysritt might have a core based on it, and True Assassin's curse too ..."

"Hmm." Rin ponders. "Maybe ... maybe this is something we can explore together. If you're interested?"

Sakura looks at the hesitancy on Rin's face as she suggests this. "You know ..." Sakura says. "Yes, Neesan. I think I'd like that."

And she realizes that she does. The smile, not the conniving or devilish smile, but the smile of joy on Rin's face makes the answer even more worth it. Rin takes Sakura's hand. "I feel like having some tea inside after all this work."

"It won't be as good as Senpai's." Sakura teases.

"Oh shut up." Rin replies, but with good nature, as the two sisters walk back into the manor hand in hand. 


	73. Chapter 73

Saber looks through the Treasures of Britain in Illya's guest quarters.

Bazett, the fugitive former Enforcer, is out in the courtyard sparring with Leysritt. Saber admits to herself that the homunculus might be more fortunate this time around. Most of the time she or Rider trained with her, they had to severely curtail their own power, even as familiars as opposed to Servants empowered by the Grail, in order to not do any permanent damage. But Bazett ... Rin had told her that the Irish magus had some considerable skill, though even she wasn't entirely sure what it might be. Apparently, Sealing Designate Enforcers, while looked down upon by the Clock Tower's elite hierarchy as "errand-boys" or "dogs," are considerably potent enough to make most other magi in the Moonlit World think twice before actually opposing them. 

But it didn't take Saber long to realize the amount of fire, albeit coming from a heavily self-disciplined ember, that Bazett possessed. Ever since they took her here, Bazett had gradually relaxed a little more around Saber, but not by much. Certainly, Saber herself doesn't feel all that inclined to reveal more about her own past and history to the magus. Bazett is astute, especially in identifying the Celtic nature of some of the Treasures here, but even she can't necessarily guess who Saber used to be simply by glancing at her appearance. Still, the ice between seemed to have been broken when she spoke well of Lancer from the Fourth War, and it was Saber herself that asked Illya if Bazett could spar with one of her homunculi on the former's behalf. Saber herself still isn't sure how the magus will fare, as a human and with one arm besides, against the skilled homunculus maid, but Saber recognizes the burning frustration inside of Bazett, to the point of needing a _physical_ outlet, and she can relate.

Saber finds it strange, looking at these Mystic Codes and even Noble Phantasms. According to the lore she gathered, some of them supposedly belonged to her and her kingdom. But it's hard for her to remember. Certainly, Saber of all people would remember having stewardship over something like the Crock and Dish of Rhygenydd Ysgolhaig, or the Hamper of Gwyddno Garanhir: both of which could have fed her men ... and herself in perpetuity. She hadn't forgotten the look Rin gave her when they had retrieved _those_ particular mystical items, though to her credit she did not test their effectiveness. Even the Cauldron of Dyrnwch the Giant, especially given what happened with the Dead Apostle that possessed it on hers and Rin's quest, didn't seem familiar to her. According to one account, she and her loyal Knights had stolen it from an Irish King ... as if she or the Round would have done any such thing unless that ruler had been a tyrant, though knowing what it actually is now she wouldn't trusted its true power to anyone, even herself. 

But now ...

She sees it. Saber can't believe she had forgotten about it.

The mantle is pristine. It's as though they had found it in Cornwall yesterday, instead of millennia ago. It is white, almost a zephyr hue, inlaid with faint silver lines. It has a hood attached to it as well, and for a very good reason. Saber closes her eyes, trying to remember. She recalls, and almost wants to forget, about her holy lance Rhongomyniad: the dying, spiteful face of her child looking back at her as they dealt each other their mortal blows. Saber is grateful that during her quest for Zelretch that they hadn't found, or been forced to find that particular Noble Phantasm. 

But her Mantle ...

Even as she looks at it now, her original impression of the cloak has changed. She recalls that much. It never retains a distinguished appearance. Even her perception of it as something white and inlaid with silver comes more from her own biases of it resembling something hallow, or sacred: perhaps even blessed. She knows enough to remember that Merlin didn't create it. For all of the Wizard's power, he couldn't _bless_ an item, especially given his origins. Perhaps it had been made by the faeries, like Excalibur, Arondight, or Avalon ... but if so, she can't recall the entity or entities that gave it to her. It is entirely possible that one of her Knights or liege men granted it to her as a gift. She wonders, though ...

"Surveying your treasures, Saber?"

She turns around and sees Illya in the room, watching her touch the Mantle. Saber feels her face turn red, but sees no judgment in the Einzbern magus' eyes, just teasing and curiosity. 

"No Illysaviel. I mean, Illya." Now she knows that Illya is aware that she caught her unawares. "Most of these are not even mine. I'm sure of it."

"No?" Illya walks into the room and looks at the Mantle. "I thought you had been the King of Britain."

"Of Camelot." Saber says, her face softening into a wistful look. "There had been many centuries before, and have been many after it." She shakes her head and focuses her attention back on Illya. "I thought you were watching Leysritt and Bazett."

Illya had granted Saber's request, visibly enjoying the prospect of watching the former Enforcer getting beaten and humiliated by her maid. It isn't one of Illya's more ... endearing traits, Saber has to admit to herself, but at least she is honest about it. But Bazett hadn't been intimidated. She told them that she had been familiar with homunculi, even Einzbern homunculi, and that she was dying for a challenge. Her own exact words had been something along the lines of how she could "beat Leysritt one-handed." Saber notes the sour expression on Illya's face where childish glee, and cold calculation had been almost twenty minutes before. 

"It got boring." Illya mutters. "Leysritt is going easy on her." Saber has had enough practice at this point in her existence not to crack a smile at the implications in Illya's non-answer. The less said, the better Saber supposes. "I'd been continuing my Bounded Field exercises, but ... like I said ..."

"You are bored." Saber nods. 

Illya peers at the Mantle, her red eyes narrowing. "Wow. I almost didn't ... notice that."

"That is related to its main trait." Saber says. "I suppose you might say, it's one of the antecedents to the invisibility cloaks that exist in myth and legend."

"Like Sigurd's." Illya replies, a serious furrow forming on her forehead. "Didn't ... Merlin have a similar artifact at one point?"

"Yes." Saber sighs. "It was a Mystic Code that ... he developed after studying the Mantle."

"Interesting. Wasn't it called the Stone and Ring of Eluned the Fortunate?" 

Saber blinks and regards Illya with a look more scrutiny. "You have been reading about the Treasures?"

Illya shrugs. "I read all about you when I was in Germany, before the War. I wanted to know what kind of Servant my parents had, and why they failed." Illya sighs, her flippant tone completely at odds with the last part of her sentence. "I know now that it had nothing to do with you, or even Papa. But wow ... Merlin really had a thing for Stones, didn't he?"

"You have no idea." Saber sighs again, remembering Caliburn buried in the stone due to Merlin's arcane machinations. "As for the Ring, it did exist."

"And is it here too?" 

"No." Saber shakes her head. "From what that Wizard told me, he studied the Mantle but couldn't figure out the magicks that meddled with people's perceptions, or ... for that matter, other mystical senses. So he approximated it, transferred some of that power or principle into the Ring he made. Eluned, unless I miss my guess, was one of his many pseudonyms." When Illya keeps looking at her expectantly, Saber tries not to roll her eyes as she remembers her mentor. "Mostly, he used it to spy on women bathing. I found out about this, and told him to stop or there would be consequences."

Illya's eyes widen. Saber notices that this is a common trait whenever she tells people about Merlin's less than savoury characteristics, especially with the archetype of the wise Wizard long indoctrinated into their minds. "And what happened?"

Saber's eyes narrow. "He never did it again." Which was partially true, though he found other ways to be perverted instead. 

"No, I mean ..." Illya tries again, visibly trying not to giggle at what she thinks are probably two entirely contradictory and ridiculous images of Merlin. "What happened to the Ring?"

"I ... don't know." Saber answers. "I do remember him telling me that it had been a fragile Code at best: that it attempted to mimic the effects of the Mantle utilizing a magus' Od from their Magic Circuits, instead of the prana from a more primordial force. It probably broke ages ago." This also included attempts to create other invisible cloaks as well, with varying degrees of success on Merlin's part. In the end, when they worked together to mask Excalibur and create Invisible Air around it, Merlin had ended up reverse-engineering an invisibility effect by manipulating different layers of wind to distort and invert the natural light around her blade in a compact, miniaturized Bounded Field instead. Ironically, it had been easier for him to do that than to completely replicate whatever powered the Mantle. 

"Damn. That's a pity." Illya replies. "Though, based on onii-chan's prana flow, I don't think he could have used it long, or that it would have lasted long in the Clock Tower." She looks back with some consideration on the Mantle. "But the Mantle ..."

"I could use it. I probably ... still could." Saber admits reluctantly. "I remember, sometimes, others wanting to use this item. I don't know how they found out I had it. Probably due to Merlin." Her face darkens for a bit. "He ended up giving them imitations. The truth, Illya, is that unless you have something the equivalent of a Dragon Core, the Mantle won't even work. Most can't even perceive that it even exists, even if it's right in front of them. Though ..." A thought occurs to Saber. "Shirou has had Avalon inside of him for a good part of his formative years. It is possible he could see it and even ... utilize it, though I don't know for how long. It would drain Od quickly." And it went without saying, even with Saber's layperson knowledge of magecraft, that even if the Alliance of the Three Families could replicate Merlin's layers of wind it would be a Mystery detected by the Clock Tower's magi. 

"But maybe not prana." Illya says, looking down meaningfully at her chest where she had placed Avalon into her body.

"... perhaps. But you need Avalon." Saber says. "Speaking of which, do you ... do you know if it has been helping you?"

"Actually, it's funny that you ask that Saber." Illya replies, closing her eyes and opening them. "Did you know that Avalon generates a Bounded Field?"

It does make sense to Saber in a way. "No. But it does represent Utopia and the realm of the fey."

"I have been ... focusing parts of it." Illya tells her. "Taking parts of the field and making them concentrate on specific organs in my body. It ... doesn't do too much that it wouldn't even if I didn't try it. But it's good practice for when I get ... when we get Papa's father's Crest, based on Grandfather's intelligence." She smiles at Saber. "I'm even coming up with arias to use."

Saber comes forward and kneels down to place a hand on Illya's shoulder. "We will get that Crest, Illya."

"I know you will." Illya says. "I know onii-chan won't fail me." She turns away. 

"Illya?" Saber asks. "What is it?"

"Saber ..." The homunculus looks back at her. "Do you ever wonder ... how we got to this?"

"To ...?" Saber is at a loss, waiting for Illya to complete her thought.

"I mean ... Saber." Illya says. "Have you ever wondered what would have happened if onii-chan hadn't saved you? I mean, I know he would have done anything to do so, if it was in his power. But ... I mean, look at everything. Do you ever think about how he ... knew, just knew that placing Avalon inside of you would purge you of Angra Mainyu, or delaying you just enough so that you would be saved once he neutralized the contract with Sakura?"

Saber ponders this. She thinks about that night, though she doesn't dwell on it as much as she had. When she realized the truth of the Grail and was tainted by its power, she thought order through power was the only thing that anyone could understand. But she had to admit to herself, fighting Shirou again, that if it had come down to it, a part of her wished he would have ended her sorry state. She had been a monster at that point. Saber knew, then, that Saber Alter had to be put down. 

"He knew enough to use Rule Breaker on Sakura." Saber reminds Illya. "Shirou isn't stupid. Perhaps in the heat of the moment, he might have forgotten, or may not have had enough energy to do so. But he remembered. I ... I wished, then, that he hadn't. Sometimes, I can't believe I'm still here. That I am still ... that I am _alive_. But I admit I ... I feel selfish for saying so, but I am glad I got this other chance."

Saber means it. She is grateful. She thinks about her time with Rin adventuring. And her time being Shirou's Servant and being in his arms in this very Castle. She's here at Illya's request, but she is glad that she's giving Rin and Shirou their time together. Saber had waited for Shirou for quite some time, but she knows that Rin has been waiting longer. And upon further introspection, she is glad that she is here with both of them happy, and in her life. 

"I am too ..." Illya's tone is distracted. "But it's ... it's not just that. I mean, I was supposed to have _died_ when I was supposed to close the Gate to Akasha." 

"Illya!" Saber snaps, also trying to shake some kind of eerie feeling away at Illya's previous words. "Don't say things like that?"

"It's not about the Crest." Illya whispers, looking down. "I ..." There is a strange expression on Illya's face that Saber has never seen before. She shakes her head slowly. "Saber, you were good to my Mama. I know you really cared about her. And I like you. You've already given me something precious. Maybe it's because I feel, somehow ... both of us shouldn't be here ..."

"That is how Shirou talks about himself sometimes." Saber interjects, continuing to feel more than a little unsettled by this talk. "And I can't allow that. Not from him, or from you."

"I know." This time Illya rolls her eyes, and somehow Saber knows the other is feeling a little more like herself. "Saber ... I might ... I might need you. When the time comes. If it does. I know it's not fair for me to ask you anything. You were never my Servant. And you're still not. But I want you to be my ... my friend."

"I am your friend, Illya." Saber says, her discomfort evaporating into concern.

"No. Let's face it, Saber. You are practically my sister. My family now." Illya says. "Onii-chan loves you to death. I ... I want you to promise me, in the name of Family, that you will help me ... help our Family." 

Saber absorbs this information. Then she realizes, in the end, that nothing has really changed. She has already made this oath. And she intends to keep it. "I swear it, Illya. As I have before."

"Pinky swear?"

This is a new one. Saber arches her eyebrow. Sure enough, Illya holds out her hand, with her smallest finger outstretched. Saber takes off her glove. She mimics her fingers to match Illya's as best she can. Illya arcs the joint of her finger into hers. They shake once. Illya smiles, seemingly satisfied with this arrangement. "Very good. Now." She says. "While Leysritt and the Enforcer are fighting, and Sella supervises them, I suggest we go to the parlour. Some of onii-chan's home made ice cream still remains. We have to take care of that, don't we Saber?"

This is an idea that Saber can agree with wholeheartedly. "Yes, Illya." She tells the Einzbern girl, putting the Mantle back to follow her out of the room. "I concur." 

 


	74. Chapter 74

They sit across from each other in her kitchen. Good, warm tea suffuses the centre of Rin's belly as she places her cup back on its saucer. Shirou sits across from her and also takes a sip from his cup.

She doesn't know she spent so much time, earlier today, preparing. And not just for the ritual in her Workshop where she wants to show Shirou ... prana control. Last night's training duel with Sakura left her muddy and a bit battered, but she had already showered after that the same night. Today, however, is different for some reason. Perhaps it is the Tohsaka tendency towards needing to display proper decorum, a relic from her father's influence. She spent far too much time combing her hair, and taking a long bath. She even put on some of the perfume that Rider bought her. It's strange. This is her first time in a while with Shirou, but it is for training, for figuring out where they both stand, and making plans that don't necessarily involve the rest of their ... Alliance. 

And it's just Shirou. Just that reckless  _baka_  that always needs some form of guidance before he gets himself killed.  _Seriously._  She thinks to herself.  _Where would he be without us? Without me ..._

"How do you like the tea?"

Rin looks up at him from where she has been regarding her cup and saucer. She blinks. "Sorry?"

"The tea?" Shirou points at her cup and the remnants of its steaming liquid. He gives her a closer look and smiles slightly. It's not that usual goofy grin that makes Rin feel conflicting feelings towards him: making her want to smack him during the War, or at ease, or wanting to kiss the fuck out of him. "Seriously, Tohsaka. And you're always telling me that _I'm_  the space-case."

"That's because I'm thinking, and you're daydreaming." Rin snarks back, but without any rancor.

Shirou holds up his hands and smiles in what he thinks is a placating manner that closes his eyes. He has been strange today too. He's here in his usual casual clothing, but he has been fairly quiet. To be honest, while this gentle atmosphere between them is nice, a part of Rin is feeling a little ill at ease, even freaked out. "Well, what are you thinking about then?"

Rin sighs. She shakes her head. "The tea."

"Ah." Shirou says.

Rin feels stupid as she realizes how circular this attempt at conversation has been. "I mean ... it's good."

"But it's not Archer's."

"Not completely." Rin answers, feeling a sudden reluctance that she didn't know was there before. It's funny. Shirou's usual bluntness either pisses her off, or even feels refreshing. But even with this new awkwardness, some of the weight in the room shifts a bit. "Not ... yet anyway. But it's ... it's nice."

Shirou nods. "Yeah ... I'm better with food at this point than tea, to be honest." He takes another sip. "Even I can tell it's not ... like it could be."

Rin wonders just how much Shirou can remember from Archer's grafted arm, and his experiences in the botched and unconscious attempt at his Reality Marble. It reminds her of just how much he's gone through. A lesser person, though perhaps a more intelligent one, would have avoided the entire thing to begin with. Anyone else, might have gone completely insane. She looks at him. She  _really_  looks at him. 

Here, in front of her, is a young man who has died at least twice. He has had his reality altered about as much and this didn't even include the Fuyuki Fire in a War that caused collateral damage that should never have happened. She threatened to kill him a few times at least, though in their circle that doesn't mean too much as some did a lot more than threaten. She also saved his life. Her Servant, who was a possible future incarnation of him, also saved his life by sacrificing what was left of his. She knows Shirou is distorted. Even though he remembers his life before the Fire now, that will never be corrected. And, ironically enough, it occurs to her that this distortion of his self is probably the very thing that's kept him from going utterly mad. Sometimes, she asks herself if she could have gone through what he, or even her sister has experienced without losing the will to live. Rin always thought she was strong. But she knows there are other forms of strength that she can only just imagine. 

"I think ..." She says. "I think it could get better. At the same time though." She looks down at the hilt of her Jeweled Sword. "It might just become different. Different, but familiar. And that's okay too."

Shirou stares at her a bit. Then he looks down at his cup. He takes another sip of it, and places it down. Then he meets her eyes again.

"I'm not him."

"I ... know that, Emiya-kun." Rin can feel her tone becoming acidic. "I thought we already established that fact."

"We did, it's just ..." Shirou seems to catch himself as he was about to say something. But Rin realizes that, perhaps more than ever now, she has no further patience. Not for this.

"Spit it out, Shirou." 

Shirou shakes head. "It's not important. We ... we should practice that ritual now."

Rin stands up and puts her hands on her hips. Shirou starts to move back a bit. Rin's lips compress into a flat line. "I am not teaching you anything." She tells him quietly. "Until you tell me what's going on."

Shirou is glancing away from her. In fact, it almost seems like he is looking anything else other than her. Something ... grips Rin's guts where the pleasant warmth of the tea used to be. "Shirou ... are you ..." It takes her just a little bit to realize what this feeling is: fear. "Did you change your mind about ..."

"You called me him in your sleep." Shirou drags the words out, reluctantly, heavily. He puts his face into his hands for a few moments. "When you were over after you ..." He looks up at her, and gets up from his own chair. "When you told us everything about what happened with Kotomine and ... your family."

"Oh." The twisting in Rin's stomach is gone. It just feels empty now. Pressure is building in her face. She takes a moment to process those words. And then she realizes what they mean. "Shirou, I'm ... I'm sorry."

She turns away from him. She fucked up. Again. It is her fear. Her fear that her attraction to Shirou is influenced by her connection with Archer. It's ridiculous really. They are the same person, in different situations. But, then again, they are not. She thought she had a handle on it. She even talked with Sakura about it. But she can't bear to look at Shirou right now. He must think she's a terrible person. She misses Archer a lot, but she likes Shirou just as much, but it's different and confusing, and she thinks about how she almost lost him even as she lost Archer, and ...

Then she feels him. He has his hand on hers. A part of her wants to recoil, but she doesn't. She feels strong fingers touch the side of her face, and bring her head up. Shirou is looking at her, his amber eyes filled with that determination that sent her heart kicking and screaming from the facade of the magus she crafted for so many years, into his life -- and, she now realizes into his hands. 

"Tohsaka." He tells her. "You were hurting. A lot. I don't hold that against you. At all. I'm ... I'm glad a part of me was there for you, during the War."

"I was an utter bitch." Rin says in a small voice. "I tried to kill my own sister. I didn't even want to know what happened to her. But then she was with you and ... I thought she would get hurt because of you. And then I found out about the Matou, and Kirei's operations on her. And then I put that geis on you." She tries to look away from him. "God. I'd not blame you if you never wanted to see me again. You've been nothing but kind to me. To all of us. And I never deserved it. You or ... or him." 

"If he were here." Shirou replies, his touch gentle but firm on her face. "He would say that's bullshit."

Rin laughs. She can't help it. It's that, or cry, and she's not sure which one of these she's doing first. "Do you realize how stupid that sounds?"

Shirou pauses, and then he chuckles as well. "Well, I guess he did, technically, say that now too in a way."

"No." Rin cups Shirou's cheek. "You aren't him. And that is not a bad thing. I know I told you that before."

Shirou's forehead creases. "I'm not sure you did."

And it occurs to Rin that perhaps she hasn't, until now. "Nothing's been going according to my plan, outside of the mystical front." She admits. "I thought ... I thought I'd be the one putting this all together. But Sakura's better at it than I am. Who knew?"

"Sakura is strong. She also grew a lot." Shirou says. "During the War, there was no way she could have taken charge like she is now. And I was an immature little boy playing at being a hero, insulting all of you along the way. Thinking I had to protect Saber against Berserker ... mocking Rider when she was trying to kill me the first time ... not even  _thinking_  that Sakura was a Master. I always thought girls should act one way, and boys another." He shakes his head. "Taiga and Ayako should have been enough to show me how dumb that was. I was pretty stupid."

Rin grins. Even she didn't know, or didn't want to know that her little sister was a Master, but the rest of the apple came from the horse's own mouth, as it were. "You said it, not me."

"Smart ass." The word almost slips out of Shirou's mouth before he realizes he said it. "Um ..."

 "You know." Rin says, one of her fingers curling under his chin. "I haven't forgotten about that time you called me a kitsune."

Shirou's face turns blank. "I don't ... oh." His eyes widen almost as much as Rin's now dangerous smile. "That was at Illya's Castle."

"No shit." Rin replies, in a tone that she thinks sounds sweet enough. "Right after we helped you _not_ destroy the world. You know, that's something I would have expected from Issei. Not you, Emiya-kun."

"I ..." Shirou looks like an animal that knows there is no way out. "I was delirious. Just like, when you were calling me Archer ..."

"Oh, it's okay Shirou." Rin pats him on the cheek, releasing it completely. "I know exactly how you will make it up to me."

She leans up on the tips of her toes. Rin briefly curses how tall Shirou is getting, but there is something familiar and comforting about how he towers over her now. Perhaps in another life they had done something like this already. Maybe, in another place and time, she had kept him from becoming Archer ... or had been there along the way when he had. If that last was true, she hoped she never had to travel to the timeline where her other self had done that, or she would be even less forgiving than she was prepared to be for ... 

The moment his lips touch hers all conscious thought, fears, and wishes dissipate. He tastes of the tea they drank, sweet and bitter. A part of her mind imagines that she tastes similar to him. Sugar and spice and all of that nonsense. She wraps her arms around his neck and shoulders, drawing herself up and smells his scent of grease, and metal, and boy sweat. She feels him wrap his arms around her waist and she literally is standing, feeling her leg raise at the feeling, this magnetism -- these opposite polarities -- running like a current through the both of them. 

She pulls away from him, reluctantly. They had not done this since leaving the Church Graveyard. Shirou is breathing hard and his face is flushed. Rin imagines she is doing exactly the same. His golden eyes glitter, his pupils dilated but somehow more intense for it. Even now, she can tell he is keeping himself through his desire. God knows she is barely doing the same. He inclines his head a bit.

"Your hair." He says.

"My ... wha ..." Rin doesn't know what he's babbling about. It almost seems to come out of nowhere.

"You aren't ... wearing the pigtails anymore." Shirou replies, brushing a hand through her hair and making goosebumps form on the back of her neck and shoulders. She wonders just how he can be so ignorant of what she had been wearing this entire time they had been together today, over how he makes her feel ... it's almost unbearably infuriating. She is about to say so, cursing him for breaking the moment with something that should have been so evident, before he continues. "You're wearing it down." He brushes the back of his hand across her cheek. And he smiles. "It suits you."

"I ..." Rin shakes her head slowly. "Well, yeah. I'm not a little girl anymore. I was ... I was getting tired of those pigtails." And the fact that Rider likes to pull them, but one battle at a time. "We're not kids anymore, really." She looks up him and feels some mischief forming at the corners of her mouth. She can tell that he sees it, as he begins to blanch a bit, but not as much as he would have done so in the past. 

"Um ... Tohsaka." Shirou mumbles. "Didn't you want to give me some lessons today?"

"Yes." Rin answers, with a quick amount of decisiveness and dead set certainty at her core. "I do."

She takes his hand and begins to lead him. She is almost skipping up the stairs, towing Shirou begin her. "Um .. Tohsaka, aren't we going to your Workshop ..."

Rin turns and looks at him. To Shirou's credit, the confused expression on his face disappears relatively quickly. She briefly feels so sorry for Sakura, Saber, and even Rider, as she knows it probably took about the three of them to give Shirou a clue. For his part, he follows her to her room without any other word. For all Rin knows, or cares, Shirou is doing everything from marveling the ornate nature of her room, to dealing with the horror of seeing her messy bed. Frankly, at this point, she doesn't particularly care. 

She starts to take off her blouse. "You see, Emiya-kun." She explains as she pulls the red cloth off of her. "You need to learn how to use energy more efficiently." She pushes off her skirt and lets it drop to the floor. She bends over. She knows he can see her. She is counting on it. "You need to know how to use it consciously, and then regulate it so that when you do call on it, your body will know how to instinctively channel that power." Rin turns and regards Shirou, wearing only her bra and panties. And her pendant. The same pendant that Archer left her before his operation to save Shirou's life. The one that saved his life. The same one that summoned him. She turns her own head to the side. It is amazing actually. Once, she would have been entirely self-conscious, but after everything in the Kaleidoscope and Saber and Rider, Rin just wants to get to business. It's Shirou that hesitates. "Come on, Shirou. Surely at this point you have seen a semi-naked woman." 

"I ... I have. Um." Shirou shakes his head. 

"Shirou, undo my bra for me." 

Rin smiles, but feels the edges are softer. She knows Shirou needs to be told what to do sometimes, but more than that he needs a task to keep him focused. For his part, Shirou comes forward. He reaches behind her back and begins undoing the hooks. There is something strange about being almost naked, while he is still fully clothed. At least he's learned by now how to undo a bra properly, though again -- between her sister, Saber, and Rider -- she'd be disappointed if he hadn't learned at least that much. She feels it come off her. She lets it fall to the ground, but takes her arms and holds him. Her breasts brush against his shirt. She curls herself around him and feels the hardness in his pants. Something quivers in her. She rocks with him, back and forth, swaying. 

She kisses him again. Longer this time. She takes her hands and brings his face closer to hers. Then she takes one hand and pulls her panties down, lifting one leg out at a time.

"Shirou." She murmurs in his ear, moving her mouth from his to the side of his neck, finding herself nibbling on it. "Shirou ... supporting Saber takes a lot of prana. I am not a Grail. I need help in maintaining her."

"Mm." Shirou gasps as she bites him, softly, again. Interesting. It seems as though she's found a sensitive spot. "I-I thought the Gems you and Sakura made ..."

"They are nice substitutes." She lashes her tongue at his ear lobe, and she can almost hear his knees melt. "But the Book she used on Rider, it needed a Command Seal. The Gems just bind more energy. It wasn't until we ... got closer, that it got easier. And your time with her ... well, maybe that even more so ..." Her fingers start roaming downward, to the corners of his shirt. "You are her Master. I give her energy. But she needs both of us."

" _She_ does?" Shirou groans, his hands roaming down her sleek back. 

"Shirou ..." Rin growls in his ear, hissing with frustration. "You are wearing entirely too much clothing."

She works with her belt and pulls it out. They begin kissing and biting each other. Shirou kicks off his pants. Rin feels his bulge poking into her. She pulls him on top of her as they fall onto her mattress. Her hands rake through his hair. Together they pull his shirt and ...

Rin's eyes open wide. Shirou's torso has put on more muscle now, and she can see the scar where Lancer stabbed him: somehow translating itself from his original body into this one. Perhaps it's due to the cursed nature inherent in Lancer's weapon, or that the soul remembers all wounds, and is a map to the body. It isn't unpleasant. It makes her tingle seeing him like this, growing and strong over her, though she would not admit it. But it's what he's wearing under his shirt.

Shirou meets her eyes, crouching over her. Rin's vision begins to become a watery blur. "How ..." Rin says. "How long have you been wearing ..."

"As much as I could." Shirou murmurs, his face softening into a gentle smile. "I heard you, when I was just a ..."

"A plant." Rin hiccups, suddenly really annoyed with herself and her own bodily reaction. "You were a damn flower. And yet you remember ..."

"You told me to keep it safe." Shirou says. "And I did. I wore it when my hands started to work. As much as I could. Not when I train, or when Illya soaked me in the solutions. I do take it off sometimes, Tohsaka." He gives her a quizzical expression.

"Good." Rin replies, in a small voice. "I wouldn't want you to get it dirty ..."

"You used this to save my life." His face takes on a seriousness far older than his years should give him. Rin's heart seems to catch in her throat. "You didn't even really know me, beyond being 'the Janitor' and you saved me from Lancer. You didn't have to do that."

"I didn't do it for you, baka." Rin hates the whimper in her tone and the welling inside her chest. _He wears it. He actually wears it._ "It was for Sakura. I couldn't live with myself if I let the boy she loved die. After everything else I took from her."

Shirou stares at her. It may be the first time he has ever seen right through her. "No." He says. "You didn't do it just for Sakura."

 _No fuck._ A part of Tohsaka's mind wants to scream. Her hand traces his chest. She swirls her index finger around the scar, faded almost like a birthmark. 

"Tohsaka." Shirou says after a while. "I wouldn't be here at all if it hadn't been for you. I will never -- _ever_ \-- forget that." 

"Baka ..." She whispers. "Stupid baka. Take off your underpants already. I want you in me. Now."

Shirou leans forward and kisses her. She wraps her arms around his shoulders and kisses him back. She hears the rustle of cloth. And then they face each other. There is nothing between them anymore but skin. She sees him. All of him. It's nothing she hasn't seen before, between his battered original body, and the strange blank doll form that gradually assumed his features. But she can feel how warm he is, and the pulse underneath his flushed skin. She can smell his sweat and scent. How smooth and rough he is. And something aches inside of Rin as he looks at his large, erect cock, and just how well put together he is now. He's actually quite beautiful, like one of his swords made incarnate. Rin realizes she may have been drooling a little bit. 

 _So this is what the rest of you have got to have._ Rin grouses in her mind. _Well, it's my turn now._  

Shirou leans over her. Rin breathes out, slowly, putting her hand and fingers on her belly. She lets herself relax, and helps him guide himself to her opening with her other hand. She's used to this. The first time, a while ago now, it hurt. But it's a different pain now. Rin hisses as she slowly breathes in and lets it go, feeling the length of him enter her. She breathes out as he fills her entirely. A part of her, grudgingly, thanks Rider for the Basilisk as she calls it and vaguely recalls her laughing at Shirou's comment about her having met Merlin. She's sure she made the baka pay for that anyway, but now it's her time. 

"Oh ..." Rin concentrates and keeps the burning in her belly, at her core, stabilized as he fills her completely. "Wow."

"Wow ..." Shirou's eyes are wide. She can tell he can feel her flexing around him, undulating around his shaft. "Tohsaka ..."

Rin smiles, devilishly, and enjoys it. "Tantra, Shirou. Some of it. I bet you like that feeling."

She flexes and releases, massaging his cock inside of her. Then she feels him begin to move. She keeps her hand on her belly, focusing her energy. He is moving in her faster. And faster. She can feel him stretching her out. It hurts, but it is a good pain. Not like the pain in the ass Shirou often is. "Mmm ... Shirou, slow down ..." She murmurs, putting a hand on the side of his face. "Slow ... down ..."

Rin feels him jolt in her. He's pulsating, but still hard. She takes her hand and rests it on his belly. "You can feel that, right?" She asks him. "Relax ... breathe in ... with me, okay?"

Shirou nods, saying nothing. Rin realizes that, once, she might have been angry at this roughness when she had no basis in fact, or the vocabulary to talk about her wants and needs. She wonders how Shirou would feel that it was mostly women that helped her figure some of this out, and get to this point. Somehow, though, after his own experiences she doesn't think he would be all that surprised anymore. But she also has to be more mindful. She lets her internal muscles slow down as well, massaging him a little more slowly. Too much stimulation isn't good for either of them, not all at once anyway. 

"I'm sorry." Shirou says. "Sakura says I can get a little ... rough ..." Then he realizes what he has said and his face turns red. "Oh god. I'm ..."

Rin chuckles. "I know that."

"You ... you do?" Shirou blinks at her. "But ..."

"Sisters talk, baka." Rin laughs, knowing that Shirou can feel her do it. "You are so intense most of the time, Emiya-kun. You need to relax. Breathe with me, all right? We have time. Saber is not coming back for a while. Remember." She actually wags a finger at him. "This is a lesson. I am the teacher here, so listen to me." 

Shirou nods and closes his eyes. He breathes in and out slowly. He moves slowly, in tune, with the breath in her. Rin does the same. She keeps her hand on his belly. At first, they try to synchronize. They breathe and move at the same time. But then, she notices that he breathes in when she breathes out. And he breathes out when she breathes in. He moves in her as she tenses, and out as she relaxes. She relaxes as he tenses and hardens in her, reaching all the way to the back of her. Rin feels Shirou gliding into her like liquid fire, and the ember in her belly growing. 

"Now ..." Rin says. "Angle me down a bit. You can go deeper that way. You will get a bit more depth."

Rin moves her hips up, and lets Shirou kneel over her. She can already feel his angle changing. The feeling is ... it's intense. The look of wonder on Shirou's face alone would be enough for her. He moves into her, deeper and deeper. She can feel his balls slapping against her entrance and the stretched out labia over her swollen clitoris. She bears down, gritting her teeth, as the waves emanate from her belly and spread throughout her entire body. Wave after wave of cum. Shirou buries himself deep in her, keeping strong against the tides of her orgasm as they massage and swallow him relentlessly. She feels him gasp, but breath out slowly with her hand on his stomach. He is still there. She feels her Circuits open up and sees her arm glowing out from the corner of her eye. Her Crest is activating. She watches through a narrow gaze, another wave of orgasm flowing through her, Shirou inside her, as his arm and his Crest made with her Circuits faintly glows, and then blazes with blue energy. He's doing it. They are both doing it.

Seeing him above her, her pendant around his neck, matching the one she has from another time in a future that hasn't happened except in another plane, Rin shudders. _The baka really is beautiful._ She wraps her legs around his waist, squeezing her thighs around him for dear life. "Rin ..." He says, his jaw clenching. "I ... I ..."

"In me, Shirou." She moans. "In me ... yessss ..."

Shirou is thrusting into her hard. But she is squeezing him too. The gentle pressure forming into tides of sensation. They crash against one another, into each other. Shirou growls, kneeling over her again as she feels him throb and hot liquid spray into her. Rin's entrance burns with her insides as a massive watery explosion erupts, matching Shirou's primordial call. They throb into each other, Shirou sprawling over her and gathering her into his arms. The radiance of their Crests ebbs and dims. Rin wraps her arms and legs around Shirou's bare body, pressing her own into his. She feels him kissing her neck softly, and wetly. Her fingernails scrape across his back possessively.

"You are mine now." She murmurs. "Mine ..."

"Tohsaka ..." He whispers. "That was ..."

"Rin." She says and realizes just how young her voice sounds now, almost timid. "When your penis is in my vagina, you call me by my first name, you dummy."

"Rin ..." He says, and Rin feels tears flow from her eyes and something beyond happiness rising from her abdomen into her whole being. 

"You are all relaxed." Shirou's voice seems to marvel.

"So are you." Rin replies, feeling him shrink and retract inside of her, leaving them cold and wet. "Warm me up, baka."

Shirou shifts off her and pulls the blanket over both of them. Rin immediately burrows into his side. Shirou wraps his arm around her and strokes her back. "You must be so used to this by now, Shirou."

"No ..." Shirou says. "I don't think ... I'll ever be ..."

"Huh." Rin murmurs into Shirou's chest. "Well good. It means you won't take us for granted."

"I'd never ..." He looks down at her and sees she's shaking. With laughter.

"Oh I know, baka." She pokes him. "You know how good you have it. Being mine ..."

"You know ..." Shirou says. "I do have to go home eventually."

"Oh I know that." Rin replies. "I can't have you here all day. God ... I needed this." She looks up at him. "Baka, don't tell anyone this but ... I love you."

Shirou actually rolls his eyes. "Rin I ... I love you too."

"So so much ..." Rin mumbles into the side of his chest. She knows it's sappy, but she really doesn't care. It's been about damn time. Logistics can wait a little longer, suspended as they have already been. "We really need to do this again." _I want your babies_ , is what Rin doesn't say thank goodness. "Saber needs the prana."

"Yeah." Shirou continues stroking Rin's back. "You do."

"Your ... snark needs improvement baka ..." Rin yawns, happily. 

"What can I say? I'm still learning."

"A good magus never stops." Rin replies as she cuddles into Shirou. She listens to his heart beat and hears her own breathing until, for a time, she is aware of nothing else. 


	75. Chapter 75

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year everyone.
> 
> Yeah. I intended to have one more chapter done before 2018. In fact, my whole misguided idea was to wrap this fic up in 2017. Obviously, this didn't happen. The good news is the reason this didn't happen, aside from having our cast make the connections they needed -- for the most part -- is that I have been writing other original stories: both on my blog Mythic Bios and privately for the moment. 
> 
> What a year, huh? 74 chapters so far and the one I am writing and posting today. Honestly, this has helped kickstart a lot of my other writing, and made me think in other, creative ways. There are a few chapters that are my favourite. Personally, I really like how I made the training duel between Rin and Sakura: specifically looking how Sakura's powers might work now *after* being cut from Angra Mainyu and with proper training. It was a calculated risk. I almost didn't do it because of the lack of information. I tend to extrapolate a lot on what exists before, as much as you can with the Nasuverse, but it was an opportunity I just couldn't resist. And it paid off: at least for me. All these characters are growing in interesting ways, along with this story. 
> 
> I hope to continue this until a satisfactory end. Thank you all, my friends, for sticking with this. I look forward to hearing from you and seeing you soon. But enough about me and late New Years greetings and retrospection. Let's get back to the crux of the matter: to some Fate/Stay Life.

Saber looks up at the sky from one of the balconies at Illya's Castle. 

The King of Knights is practically _throbbing_ with prana. Somewhere, throughout the day, she gained a surplus of it. And, of course, she knows why. It's hard to explain what it feels like, as she looks at the night. As someone or something stuck between life and death herself, it feels like an itch, or her mind being filled to the brim behind her eyes. She had take her leave of Illya, after their delightful endeavours in fighting Shirou's homemade ice cream in the parlour, as she began to ache in ways that she'd only done so with Shirou ... and Rin.

She'd been in her quarters for a while. Despite the image of the ageless, emotionless King she had tried to portray in life, Saber had always only been human. Even having a Dragon Core didn't change that fact. In fact, it only made the ... urges worse, especially after battles and encounters with death and carnage. Sometimes Guinevere attempted to help her, back in the earlier days of their marriage, but it just never worked out. The chemistry was not really there to accompany the love and respect they had for each other. And obviously it wouldn't have done for her to seek companionship elsewhere. She had to be remote and above her people, to serve as an example to them, to be able to help them properly and be an agent of their greater good. And she doesn't -- _doesn't_ \-- think about the spell Merlin cast on _that one time_. 

So Saber learned to masturbate. As simple as that. She learned to masturbate a lot. After a while, she learned to take that energy and release it in battle, combat, and training when she was alive -- or at when she existed naturally in the World over a thousand years ago. It certainly helped when she mastered Mana Burst: taking the edge off of the sheer frenzy that sometimes burned inside of her. If she were at all honest with herself, the disassociation between her and her body her entire life, of having to identify as a male gender over how she felt as a woman -- not letting herself be the woman she had never really explored herself to be or what it meant to be, personally, for her -- along with the tragedies and stress of failing her kingdom eventually took its toll on her libido towards the end of her reign. As a result, all that frustration went into battle after a while, and less between her thumb and fingers between her legs and she became as frigid as the perfect, inhuman persona she took on. 

But then there was the Fourth War and meeting Irisviel ... then the Fifth War and Shirou and then being corrupted by the Shadow and Angra Mainyu ...

And then finding love and release in Rin's arms. 

And then completion and joy with Shirou. 

After that, there had been no turning back. And Saber wouldn't have it any other way. It was like a dam breaking. She doesn't have to deny herself anymore. Of course, there is a time and place for dealing with such urges in a consensual, enthusiastic manner. Right now, she understands that Shirou and Rin need their time together. It is only fair, after all. Saber still wants to embody, to at least embrace, fairness and equity. Even if Camelot is gone, its spirit should always remain as untarnished as possible. She had her time with Shirou and with Rin. She had seen the way that Rin would get especially prickly whenever she was around Shirou, or the sad light in her eyes that she thought Saber didn't see when she saw him with her sister or Rider. Saber recalls that day she went to stay with Shirou at Illya's Castle and how Rin claimed it didn't bother her. But it did. She also knows, even feels, how Shirou felt all those times she stayed with Rin or they went off on their quests together. 

Feelings are fine, but sometimes fickle things. Saber chuckles softly at the alliteration in her mind, alleviating some of the pressure in her body. She may have a Dragon Core, but she is not greedy like one. Though parts of her are. She must have spent hours rubbing her clitoris fervently, plunging her fingers hard inside of herself, prana almost burning in the ozone of her released fluids as she tried to get rid of this insane pressure through wave after wave of the fiercest orgasms. But even this Servant's body had limits, and all she did now was ache and still feel that frustration. 

And that didn't even include sometimes sensing the phantom of Shirou entering her ... or Rin? Or Rin enveloping Shirou or rubbing on her ... Saber feels herself throbbing again. She grits her teeth at the orgasm that pulsates through her body, clutching the railing of the balcony to brace herself. _Good god ..._ This is one side-effect to the Master-Servant bond that no one really ever talked about. These spontaneous orgasms would be the death of her. She wonders, briefly, how Sakura and Rider deal with this, particularly Rider ... until she remembers that they generally have each other, or other outlets of ... activity ... 

Another spasm of pleasure courses through Saber's lower body, accompanying that banal thought. Shameful timing, but suits the mood that is driving her _mad_ ... She reaches under her skirt and rubs her labia hard, releasing moisture down her thigh and another few spasms. She bites her lip. It feels less an orgasm, and more bodily release: a dull pulsing of gratification. She shudders and composes herself. It seems to have taken the edge off, more than the training exercises she attempted before locking herself in her room to pleasure herself like a wanton, lustful whore. And she is glad she feels comfortable to do this again, that she _can_ do this again ...

Saber knows she has only bought herself a little more time. She leaves the balcony and goes to her room's washroom to wash up. Then she walks out and begins pacing throughout the Castle halls. 

Somehow, she finds herself at Illya's room. She feels embarrassed to have left her hostess so long by herself. But she is still antsy. 

"Come in Saber-chan."

Saber lowers the fist she was about to use to knock on the door, and opens it instead, feeling a little bit like a fool. Somehow, she can still marvel at the incongruity that is Illya's room: filled with stuffed toys and dolls, play chairs, and children's books but housing an older, somewhat jaded woman like its master. Illya is sitting on a large bean bag herself, nestled snuggly under a blanket while holding one of said books on her lap. 

"Illya." Saber says. "I apologize for my leave-taking earlier. I ..."

"I could _smell_ the prana off of you." Illya replies, without preamble. "You don't need to say sorry to me."

"... oh." Saber looks down, her face turning red. 

"Lesser Grail, remember? The _real_ one." She points at herself before looking up to scrutinize Saber's face. "No no." Illya closes the book. "This is all Rin's doing. Onii-chan I can understand. I mean, he's still learning and he's better than what he was. I've helped him quite a bit myself. But Rin should know better and helped you through this."

"Helped?" Saber asks, blinking a few times.

Illya gestures for Saber to sit down next to her on an empty bean bag. Saber sighs and lowers herself down. It is comfortable. It does sag quite a bit and sink, but somehow she and Illya are a bit more on eye level now. 

"Yeah." Illya shakes her head. "There are methods and rituals to ... diminish what you are feeling. And even now, I'm pretty sure you're not getting the full blast of it. You'd get more if ..."

"Please." Saber interrupts the thought, before it can go further into her mind, into her brain, between her legs again. "I understand, Illysaviel."

Saber realizes she said the other's full name again, but obviously Illya can see her ... discomfort and lets the lapse pass. "All I'm saying is that Rin needs to remember discipline and consideration for others if she wants to keep a familiar like yourself, and advance at the Clock Tower." Illya sniffs. "Never mind be worthy of my onii-chan."

Saber remembers just who it is that is speaking, but decides to wisely be quiet. Instead, she wants to focus her the matter on something else now that everything else seems to have subsided into a dull ache. "What are you reading, Illya?"

"This?" Illya holds up the book. " _Snedronningen_ in Danish. _The Snow Queen_."

"Oh." Saber remembers the story. "Rider read that to you when you were ..."

"Resting." Illya says. "Yeah. Hans Christian Anderson wrote it. Mama used to read it to me. I didn't understand it then ..." She opens the book and flips through a page. "I always liked Gerda. The sweet girl that saves her friend Kay."

"Kay ..." Saber's thoughts trail off, this time in another direction. 

"I didn't get it then." Illya muses. "I mean, Kay gets this grain from this mirror of evil in his eye that only makes him see the worst in everyone. I thought it was a story about a girl who keeps fighting to see the best in the world, who can't see literally _anything else_ , and that something can be so good it can make anyone cry and rid themselves of evil. I thought I was Gerda, then." A sad smile forms on Illya's face. "But I think I was already Kay. That mirror shard slowly being pushed into my eye. In my heart."

"Illya ..." Saber tries to find something to say. "You ... you were saved."

"Yes." Illya says, her voice far away. "I was. And I think ... I think whenever Mama was reading me that story, it was to prepare me. And I also think ... that it wasn't even about me. Sometimes I think now," she looks down at the book, "that it was about her and Papa. That Papa, for a time, took that shard -- that grain -- out of her. Or maybe ... who knows? Maybe Mama was Gerda, with her impossible goodness, and Papa was Kay, and for a while she saved him." Illya laughs, the childlike quality subverted by its self-derisive tone. "Kiritsugu must have seen at least as much darkness as Kay. If not more."

"Your mother was a kind woman." Saber tells Illya. "If anyone could have seen the good in ... in your father then, it would have been her."

"That was before the Grail corrupted her too." Illya murmurs. "But it wasn't Mama. Not anymore. Just that gross Avenger. Maybe it was onii-chan that took the rest of that sliver out of Kiritsugu's heart. Or I'm that Snow Queen, leaving everyone with that ancient Chinese riddle that means 'eternity.'"

Saber tries to follow Illya's musings as far as they go, not knowing whether to be supportive or non-intrusive. But one name keeps popping up in her mind. "Kay ..." Saber murmurs again. "That name ..."

"Hmm?" Illya perks up. "What does that mean to you, Saber?"

"My adoptive brother's name was Kay, when I was being fostered in Sir Ector's, in his father's, household." Then Saber shakes her head. "No, he was my brother. In all the ways that mattered. He was down to earth, gritty, and liked to slack off at times. He had a foul mouth about him, when he wasn't insanely persuasive." Saber chuckles. "He always beat me in wordplay over swordplay any day. And common sense. He wasn't there at the end, at my final battle, and you know ... I'm glad he wasn't. I'm glad he got to live out his life."

Saber thinks about Kay. Not Sir Kay of the Round Table that he became at her side. He and his father had been more of a family to her than Uther, her sister, and their remaining family had ever been. She misses them. She misses Kay's wit and honest counsel. She wonders if Kay exists somewhere, even now, in the Throne of Heroes along with the rest of her Knights. She recalls the time before she came back to deal with the Civil War, when she went all the way to Rome. It was there she had time to read a book, one Merlin had given her long ago in their studies. It was Latin, which she had been taught to read by Merlin. It was _The Aeneid_ by Vergil. She recalls the Trojan hero Aeneas travelling to the Underworld and seeing both the spirits of the past and the future; his ancestors and his descendants; of those that were, or could have been, or could yet be. 

Somehow, though she doesn't not in any way possess Merlin's natural ability in prophecy, she thinks about a red-haired child with her green eyes. She doesn't know what gender they are. Perhaps that part isn't even important. She pictures herself with this child on her knee, learning about swordplay and combat, but also the wisdom of the world. She imagines this child, her child, growing up with the Dragon Core inside of them as was her birthright and even Mordred's from Uther, and approaching the Lake in a far future time to see if they are worthy. She thinks about passing on Excalibur in Avalon to another King: a worthier King, one who has seen battle, but remains true to their beliefs and never gives up. But more than that, before this child becomes strong and beautiful, she sees them sitting next to her and watching Shirou materialize his blades seriously, or laughing as he tickles her.

 _"Mother ..."_ This child in her mind's eye seems to look up at her with their father's hair, and their mother's eyes. 

"If I ever have a child." Saber says, suddenly, aloud, wondering if the Throne of Heroes is anything like Vergil's afterlife, wondering this vision came from Horn or Ivory. "I will name them Kay." 

Illya seems lost in thought. "You should go back to them."

Saber blinks. "Pardon?"

"You are literally chomping at the bit, Saber." Illya sighs. "I mean, onii-chan was supposed to go back his place later, but I think Sakura-chan knows that isn't happening anytime soon. And besides, honestly? If Rin wanted you to stay here overnight, she should have taken the time to help you shield yourself from that part of your bond, or compensate for the energy surplus." 

Saber thinks to argue, to defend Rin. But she realizes she misses them. And it is night time. And she should have been back ... home, and that is what it's called _home_ , hours ago. She nods to Illya. "Thank you, Illya."

Illya sticks out her tongue. "Just get out of here. I have some reading I need to do." 

Saber nods again. Then she gets up, and all thoughts about the truth of the future, or the lies of a beautiful dream and whether or not they are one and the same leave her mind as she begins the journey back home. 


	76. Chapter 76

Shirou looks out the window as the moon begins to rise. 

"You should stay the night." Sakura says on the other end of his phone.

"I don't know." Shirou replies, watching the moon become more prominent in the night sky. "I promised I'd be back tonight and Saber's supposed to be coming back here as well."

"And?" 

"And?" Shirou's eye twitches a bit. "Well, we'd agreed I'd stay over for the afternoon, maybe evening. But Saber isn't back yet and I don't ..." Shirou sighs. "I know it's stupid. Rin can take care of herself, especially here in her home territory. But she's gone to sleep, and well ..."

"You can't really wake her up, huh Senpai?" Shirou can hear his girlfriend giggling on the other end of the line. There is some muffled conversation, and then her voice returns to the receiver. "Rider says you must have really worn her out."

"I ..." Shirou's face turns red. He did. She also wore him the hell out as well. He admits it to himself. He's tired. All he wants to do is sleep ... somewhere. 

"Yes, Rider. I bet Senpai is blushing too." Sakura laughs. "You are so adorable, Senpai."

"Oh god. You too." Shirou can hear them both laugh on the other line. He has to admit that the sounds complement each other in their beauty. "Listen, I ... I made an agreement with Rin. And she did with Saber. And ..."

 _And what? It wasn't as though he wasn't sleeping with both of them ..._ Shirou immediately dismisses the thought out of his head. _Wow. Who would have thought Sakura and Rider could become such bad influences?_   He continues over their giggling. "I told Rin we would meet for our ... lessons."

"And how did they go?" There is more laughter and Shirou can hear Rider say something about how he probably got an "A+ rank." 

"They ... were ..." Shirou runs a hand down his face. _Excellent_ , is what he wants to say. _Rin was excellent._ "We didn't get to them today."

"I'm sure you didn't."

"I ..." Shirou shakes his head. "You're in Rider's room, aren't you."

"Yes." He hears Rider's voice break through clearly through the receiver, with a delighted yelp from Sakura. "We too, Shirou, have been indulging in lessons. Or not."

"Are you ..." It finally occurs to Shirou. "Are you two drunk?"

"Well." Rider drawls. "Sakura is. She had some sake. I prefer red wine, though Servants can't really get drunk, not without some considerable effort. But since we share a bond, well ... I suppose I am. You know, speaking of lessons." Shirou can almost, somehow, see Rider wagging a finger mockingly at him. "If you really want to wake Rin up, and we know you did have 'lessons' because you are calling her by first name now ..."

"Rider!" Sakura calls out from behind her.

"... if you really want to wake Rin up." Rider continues, unperturbed. "You should use your ... _Basilisk_ on her, though ..." There is some muffled fumbling with the phone on the other end. "Maybe that might also have been the problem ..."

There is a faint struggle, though Shirou really wouldn't call it that between the laughter and the joyful sounding shrieks. "Sorry, Senpai. A Gorgon stole my phone ..."

A faint smile forms on his lips, his eyes on the night sky. "Is that why you want me to stay at Rin's?"

There is a pause and somehow Shirou can hear the joy on the other end become silent horror. "No. Oh god, no Senpai. We didn't mean ... You can come home. It's your home ..."

"You can join us too, boy." Rider cuts in. "You know, if the Basilisk doesn't awaken the magus ... You always can ..."

"Senpai." Shirou hears Sakura wrestle the phone back to her. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah." Shirou says. And means it. He's never heard both of them being so silly before. So ... joyful. He has seen their love, even been a part of it, but they sound like they are actually having fun: as a couple should. "I'm fine. I think ... I think I will stay."

"Are you sure?" Sakura asks. "You can come back."

"... always a place here for you, Shirou." Rider says as well.

"It's okay." Shirou tells them. "You're both really happy, and you need some time. I'm sure Rin will be all right with me staying this ... one night."

" _One_ night." Rider snorts -- she actually _snorts_. "Okay. Just be careful ... she is crankier than a Gorgon if you wake her up, and I should know ..."

"All right, Senpai." Sakura says, her tone soft. "Say hello to Neesan from us. I love you, Senpai."

"I love you too, Sakura." Shirou replies. "And you too Rider." 

"And you, boy." Rider says, from the background.

Shirou waits for the other line click off before taking his phone away from his ear. He continues to look out at the moon. It's funny, when he thinks about it, just what that full moon has meant to him. He remembers seeing it at the back of his veranda with the last conversation he ever had with his father. Then there was the time Lancer tried to kill him, and Saber came into the world, bathed in that pale glow, ready to defend him. And then ... His brow furrows. A memory of him, or someone like him crouched on one knee in the grand hallway of Illya's Castle as Berserker came to crush him, as he summoned Unlimited Blade Works ... No. That was another timeline. Shirou is sure of that. Instead, he recalls sitting with Illya on that same veranda, under that same moon as he had with their father, promising to save her life. And now, here it is again. Full moons are auspicious in and of themselves. This is when wild magic happens. This is when the mysteries of the night come out to play. This is when life continues life. 

He sighs. Shirou doesn't want to wake Rin. She looked so beautiful asleep, and flushed. The irritation and passion that often animated her had gone of the night, revealing a soft vulnerability and an innocence he sometimes forgot she still had. He had tucked her in her bed and was prepared to leave until he had seen the time. He doesn't want to disturb her. He thinks about using one of the guest rooms, but decides to go to the sitting room. It's closest to the kitchen after all. It would be proper that way, as much as anything can be at this point. He is about to settle on the couch, before the front door opens.

Saber and Shirou face each other. Saber's face is flushed, but her eyes are clear. Shirou can almost feel the power burning from her very presence. Shirou almost takes a step back, but he can tell she isn't angry, or even surprised. Time and distance fall away again between them. 

"Shirou." Saber says. She comes up to him and holds him. Shirou feels his body respond to hers and out his arms around her. "Are you just ... leaving?"

"Um ... no." Shirou answers, as the two face each other again. He literally can feel the prana emitting off of her. Suddenly, he is not as sleepy as he thought he was. "Rin is asleep and Sakura and Rider are ... well ..."

"Training?" Saber offers, and Shirou is very sure there is something almost oddly ... sly at the corner of her mouth as she smiles. He once might have thought it totally out of character, or that he imagined it, but he'd seen how everyone was affecting the other lately. Saber turns to look at the couch. "So you were going to stay down here? Did ... Rin ..."

"No." Shirou says quickly. "No she didn't tell me to stay down here. She's ... well ... she's asleep." 

Saber closes her eyes briefly and then opens them. "No. She is not."

"What is going on down here?" A voice drawls behind them.

Shirou turns and sees Rin, with a decidedly somehow feline smile on her face, dressed in her rumpled night gown that left almost none of her slender, supple body to the imagination. The moonlight bathes her skin, making her almost elfen. Those blue eyes seem to look right through Shirou, right into him. He feels himself getting hard again. Then a thought occurs to him. 

" _Telepathy_?" Shirou bursts out, realizing why Saber closed her eyes before. "It takes _telepathy_ to wake you up properly?" 

Rin rolls her eyes, breaking the beautiful tableau. "Amongst other things, Shirou." She looks down at his hand and then he realizes he's still holding his cell phone. "So let me guess." She looks at the phone, and then the sitting room. "My sister and Rider ..."

"She, um ... she says hi by the way."

"I'm sure. You can say hi back to her when I'm done with you." Rin continues smoothly without preamble. "My sister and Rider are currently occupied. You phoned to tell them you were coming back, but realized they were occupied. You didn't want to wake me up. So instead of letting me know what was happening, or even telling Saber -- who was late ..."

"It's not as though you were shielding what you were doing, Rin." Saber interrupts, with an intensity Shirou isn't sure he's ever heard before.

"I ..." Rin shakes her head. "Damn. I ..." She looks back at Shirou and points at him. "Getting back to the point, you decided to be a big stoic dumb idiot and sleep on the couch. Or maybe go back to your shed --"

"My Workshop." Shirou mumbles.

"Your shed," Rin continues, "instead of telling me or Saber what is going on."

"That does sound rather accurate, Rin." Saber nods thoughtfully, her arms still around Shirou. "And, to borrow this time's vernacular, your mana exchange has left me extremely, uncomfortably saturated and ... extremely horny." 

Suddenly, Shirou notices Saber's small hand unzipping his pants, reaching the other one inside. He feels her grasp him. Saber looks at at the both of them. There is a hunger similar to a lioness or a ... dragon, glittering in her eyes and her smile. " _My_ sword not going to lie on the couch." Saber says, her tone neutral and a matter of fact. "Not when it's ready for battle, like this."

She is caressing his cock, her thumb moving under the head, under his ridge. "Saber ..." He moans, despite or because of himself. 

Then he sees Rin approach. She is still beautiful, almost powerful in the moonlight from the nearby window. He sees her take one arm, her other hand touching herself under her dress, and wrap it around Saber before kissing her. Shirou can't help but watch, especially as Saber continues to slowly masturbate him. Rin breaks away and kisses Shirou. Somehow, he is not sure, but he feels himself grow harder in Saber's hand. 

Rin looks at them, and her hunger is palpable. "No." She shakes her head. "Not here." She moves past them and begins moving into the basement, to her Workshop. Saber nods and follows her. Shirou has no choice but to follow, as Saber's hand is still on his cock, leading him down the stairs. 

None of them are wearing clothes, strewn all over the place by the time they get to the arcane circle in the middle of the floor. The moonlight is still shining through the window. It bathes them all in its gentle radiance. A part of him wonders if this was a part of Rin's plans with him and Saber to begin with, and quickly realizes that he doesn't really care as Saber's mouth engulfs him and Rin's lips join her. They kiss each other through his manhood, as his hands play with their hair. Shirou can't help it. He moans through Saber's aggressive tongue, and Rin's soft, biting lips. He feels tongues and lips caressing his cock and balls. Hands trail down his body.

Then he lowers himself down and gently pushes Saber to the floor, with Rin also going onto her knees. They proceed, together, to begin kissing and biting the King of Knight's strong, slender body. Saber is growling as they explore her together. Saber's gold on her head and around her pussy have turned absolutely silver. At some point, Rin must have let down Saber's hair. It's the first time he has ever seen her like this: long, flowing strands of blonde hair making her look years younger, almost innocent but decidedly almost fey in her beauty, just like the faeries that made her sword and sheathe. She looks up at Shirou as she caresses Rin between her legs and those green eyes burn into him deeper than they ever had that first time they met. He could never have imagined it then. Never could have dreamed ...

He feels Rin take his cock and slip it inside of Saber. She is throbbing and warm to the point of crackling heat. It jolts him. Then Rin lowers herself into Saber's face. He can smell their desire. They become something of a serpent, of a closed circuit, as he thrusts hard and deep into Saber's pussy, as Saber devours Rin's pussy, growling and barely being able to muffle a growing roar. Shirou tastes Rin's lips as they devour each other, their pace quickening with Saber's trembling. Shirou feels Saber orgasm, her pussy muscles clutching at his shaft for dear life as she screams into Rin's vagina. Then Rin gasps out something, almost like words, into his mouth, as she cums over Saber's face. Her hands grasp Shirou's buttocks as they continue to orgasm, their energies moving back and forth. He feels himself being charged by them, going beyond his limit, being filled by the moonlight between the three of them. Glory builds in his core, through his anus, and shaft ... He feels himself bite Rin's lower lip, his other hand massaging her small, pert breast and its nipple under his thumb. Rin is jolting harder and faster as Saber devours her. Then he feels Saber's hand clutching his own, squeezing it.

Shirou is dimly aware of his crest, and particularly Rin's glowing with opened Magic Circuits as he orgasms hard. He never had a chance, not like this. Not between this beauty and the pleasures of the flesh and spirit roaring through him. A dragon, an ouroboros, rages through the three of them. Shirou can feel his prostate almost empty into Saber's vagina and Rin scream into his mouth as he holds the two of them for dear life. Then, Rin moves off of Saber with shaky legs, and uses her hands to extract Shirou from inside her. Shirou finds himself lying down as Saber reaches up and begins cleaning him with her tongue. He winces a little bit at the over-sensitivity, but then feels himself building again. Rin takes his cock and milks him. Shirou bears down, feeling the last dregs of his prostate surge out of him, through his balls, right into Saber's mouth. It's like he is being turned gloriously inside out. Saber moans as Rin eats her out, and Shirou imagines her tasting the both of them before she cums again. 

The three of them, after a while, lie in the circle in the moonlight. It takes a while for conscious thought to return to Emiya Shirou. There is almost this part ... of him that remembers something like this before, even before Sakura and Rider. It had been hurried, and clumsy ... almost unpleasant, but visceral. Necessary. Maybe that's what would have happened if they had tried to do something like this during the War, as a means to an end. Personally, Shirou is glad, whatever memory that was, that happened this way instead, ending with these two small women on either side of him, golden and raven-haired respectively, loving him. 

_Master ..._

Shirou smiles, in joy, hearing Saber's voice in his mind.  

_Saber ..._

Shirou wraps one arm around Saber at his side, and Rin who has wrapped around him and placed her head on his chest. He still isn't sure how this happened. But it feels so right. 

"Amazing you aren't dead yet." Rin murmurs into Shirou's skin. "Maybe there's some hope for you yet, Shirou."

"Thank you ... Tohsaka ..." Shirou whispers, not sure what he did to deserve any of this. "Saber ..."

"It's Rin." The magus says. "Rin. Penis in vagina. Remember? Even if not ... entirely mine." She turns to look at Saber. "Do you feel better Saber?"

"Mm." Saber grunts, her hand splaying out to play with Rin's hair. "That was most ... satisfactory. Damned satisfactory." 

"You are ... you are both amazing." Shirou feels something welling up inside of him, a part of him that he didn't know, being filled. "Thank you."

"Don't do that. You're her Master too." Rin grumbles, half-heartedly. "About time you started pulling some of your weight around here."

"Or throwing it around." Saber pinches Shirou's spent cock gently, causing him to wince a bit. 

"Don't get too cocky." Rin says.

It takes Rin a few moments until she realizes what she said. Shirou and Saber give each other and then her a look. Then the giggling starts. They can't help it. They are caught in the ridiculousness of the moment, in the simple fact of being happy ...

"I wonder ..." Saber says after a time. "If Sakura and Rider felt that ..."

"I don't know." Shirou replies. "Honestly, they're probably too busy themselves at the moment."

"Hmm." Rin shifts in their little circuit. "Well, either way, I'd have to say -- and I don't play them -- but if this were a game, I'd say this is where everybody wins."

 _Everybody lives_. Shirou thinks to himself. _Everyone is saved_. "I think." He says, as he holds the both of them, his Servant and his lover, as they hold each other as Servant and Master as well. "I think I can live with that." 


	77. Chapter 77

Fujimura Taiga is not drunk. She is only pleasantly buzzed.

Her father knows better, as he himself and the rest of the crew are drinking. Perhaps, back in the day, he _may_ have tried to limit her inhibiting -- along with her eating habits -- as not being as ladylike. Ironically, though her grandfather Raiga -- who is also in attendance this evening -- adopted him into the Family, it isn't fear of him as Clan oyabun that got him to quit bugging her, but rather her own strong sense of self and her shinai. 

Taiga is aware of her grandfather's connections in securing this fine restaurant for this celebration. It is supposed to be for Sakura's graduation, but she is aware enough to know that it is more than that. It is definitely a part of it. Sakura-chan has gone through a lot in her own right. Between the deaths of her brother Shinji and grandfather, and her family estate burning down from faulty wiring in the old ramshackle place, it fills her with genuine gladness to see the sheer joy on the young lady's face as she sits next to Shirou. 

It's simply amazing to consider the change. Sakura had always been quiet, but helpful and kind. But after all of these tragedies, she seems to have, if anything, become more open than she was before. It wasn't just the fact that she had become Archery Captain, which Taiga always believed that Sakura was capable -- far more than her late brother, not to speak ill of the dead and a former student -- could be, or that she occasionally volunteered at the Church, but she had even gotten onto the Student Council, and helped many lower classmen find their way through the Academy. But Taiga isn't stupid. Not at all. She sees the way she holds Shirou's hand.

Even though it is a pretty open display of affection, it is a celebration right now and, in her own opinion, it is about damned time. And everyone knows it. No one could begin to miss the way that Sakura looked at Shirou ever since that day, years ago, he had been foolish and stood up to a bunch of bullies attacking her instead of informing her or Kiritsugu, may he rest in peace, of the incident. She was practically family and now, looking at her with the young man that is Taiga's younger brother in all the ways that matter, she suspects already _is_ family.  

And today marks an occasion where it is more than celebrating Sakura's achievements, but those of Shirou and Rin as well. The poor children. Sakura-chan had stayed over at Rin's during her tragedy, along with Shirou with the supervision of the temporary priest at the Catholic Church on the Hill who was filling in for Rin's guardian. And then they got all gotten sick. Sakura-chan's illness Taiga can understand, based on all of the stress and grief she had gone through. She also has a habit of working herself too hard. But Shirou ... yes. She didn't like his colour, or how thin he looked for a while. Shirou, if left to his own devices, knew less about his limits than Sakura-chan did. She visited whenever she could, and this time brought food instead of consuming -- or mooching it as Shirou often thought he said out of earshot, or the range of her shinai. 

From what she understood, Rin and Sakura ended up taking care of Shirou for some time. It wasn't right, especially after all the trauma that Sakura had gone through, but Taiga even admitted to herself that the last time she had seen Shirou look so haggard and so drawn was when Kiritsugu passed away. She knew it was bad when he actually called in sick to Copenhagen, which he rarely -- if ever -- actually did. Neko was understanding. She is here now, with her father and they've shared a few drinks already: with plenty of congratulations for Shirou as well. 

The fact of the matter is, Shirou and Rin -- especially with her high grades and excellent work on Student Council -- should have also been honoured. They both missed their graduation. Of course, she had talked to the Principal and they made up their work, but now is not the time for that. Everyone is here. 

And not just Neko and her father, Sakura and Shirou's friend Mitsuzuri Ayako, or Issei and his older brother and their former classmate Reikan -- on whose she got her grandfather to promise not to rough up tonight, despite him asking her out on yet another date -- and their father the head priest Ryuudou-sama -- who with her grandfather agreed to put aside their mutual animosities for Shirou's sake as they had for his father's funeral -- but also the other people that had come into their lives. 

Rider-san and Sakura are practically inseparable. For a foreigner, she and Sakura look very similar. It makes sense that they are related. They match each other well in a lot of ways. Rider is even more quiet than Sakura was in the old days. She is Greek or at least from the Mediterranean, from what she has been given to understand. She and Sakura are less like cousins, though, and more like sisters in the way that they touch each other, and talk so much. It's similar to how she has been acting with Rin lately as well, both of them giggling and whispering to each other like much younger age-mates.  

Then there is Saber. Another foreigner, and an Englishwoman. She was one of Kiritsugu's former contacts in his younger days, a close friend or acquaintance of his. Rider came into the scene much later, but Saber-san she knew almost from the beginning when she found her staying with Shirou. Now it's different. She visits the Emiya residence still, but tends to stay and travel with Rin. It is just as well. She knows that while Saber is an excellent swordswoman -- having bested her -- she tends to eat others out of house and home: especially out of her share of Shirou's good food. At the moment, Saber is sitting at Rin's side challenging the concept of an All You Can Eat Buffet situation that Raiga choose this restaurant specifically for.

And Illya.

Kiritsugu-san's daughter. 

Taiga isn't stupid, as she would say if she were asked. It seems to her that Saber managed to reunite Shirou with his adopted sister. She knows how complicated Family can be. Old Families and Clans especially. Rin and Sakura come from a similar situation: with old money, and certain reputations. The Old Families. Raiga didn't elaborate on them and she didn't go out of her way to meddle. It was an unspoken rule, though their children are decent in her rather unbiased opinion. Kiritsugu was different. She knows he had been involved in something ... bigger, back in the day. You didn't grow up in a yakuza family without recognizing the signs of money, blood, and gunsmoke, as her grandfather likes to say. She had pressed Raiga back in the day about that, but if he knew what Kiritsugu had been like before he came to Fuyuki, he didn't tell her anything. It wouldn't have mattered to her either way. Kiritsugu-san had been a good man, who loved his son, and humoured her by teaching her how to fight, and some English as well. She saw, when he probably didn't think she noticed, the sad way he would look at her at times, as though remembering something, or someone else. She misses him. But she thinks that he would be proud of his son: how he has grown and where he is going in his life. 

And she likes to think that he would be happy to know that the other child he had with his late wife has met her brother. Illya is a brat. Even right now, she is sticking out her tongue at her. A part of Taiga wants to start shouting at her, especially after stealing her dessert, but the moment she met Illya-chan deep down she knows that she owns her heart. How she managed to get her to the point of buying her kimonos and taking _her_ allowance from her grandfather is anyone's guess. 

She even managed to get away with her calling her ... calling her Tiger of all things. 

One day ... one day, she would teach that girl the error of her ways.

They all just came together, for each other. Taiga sees the way Shirou holds Sakura's hand and smiles in a way she has never seen him smile before. Happy suits her younger brother. Rin has been talking with Shirou and laughing: no longer reserved and simply businesslike. Sometimes the girl gets under her skin with her logic and shrewdness. At one time, perhaps in another time, Shirou could have done worse. Illya tries to sit on her brother's lap and they almost fall over, leaving Rin to shout at her and the latter to give her a now trademark raspberry. Illya lives with her servants in a large mansion near the other old Families, both native and foreigner. At one point, Taiga asked why Illya lived so far away from them. She recalls, for the first time, Illya actually sad -- in a similar manner to her father -- and saying that hopefully she will be able to spend more time with her onii-chan soon. It was so cute and touching and heartwarming that Taiga herself has been encouraging her to visit much more often.

She also knows they meet up a lot at their respective places anyway. There is some business. Rin and Saber travel together, often to London. Rin has been undertaking advanced courses overseas and has been gradually spending more time at her new school. Rider has practically become a live-in with Sakura at Shirou's house. Sakura does not lack for money from her inheritance, from what Taiga understands, and doesn't need to look for a job yet. In fact, if her suspicions are true, Shirou may make an honest woman out of her before then. Not that Shirou wasn't being honest or earnest now. 

Shirou ... well, according to Illya, due to her family's connections and some of the work that Rin has been doing on her own Family's behalf, Shirou is going to study metal-smithing as an apprentice. It makes a lot of sense to Taiga. He has always, to the point of exhaustion, been working in that storage shed when he wasn't fixing or repairing school equipment. A metal-smith could make a significant amount of yen, even in these modern times. It certainly beats the part-time work that Shirou insisted on keeping up. Shirou may be stubborn, and not always the best at his studies, but he has always had a strong work ethic: something she'd like to think she had something of a hand in developing. 

But she knows that they won't always be here. Not like this. It's probably true that Sakura would stay more consistently in Fuyuki. And Shirou wouldn't travel too much. But there are other opportunities in the world, and she knows he won't always be here. Rin herself has already been out of country a lot, and even Illya sometimes goes back to her family in Germany. Yet she knows they are all good, and constructive: and they add to her brother's life. She hopes to be able to learn more about them. They look ... happy. 

Even so, as she takes another drink, she feels like this is something of a defining moment. Before everything changes. Part of it is that Sakura has graduated and though the others have as well, they are finally and officially celebrating it. But there is something else. It's in the way that Illya is pale, whiter than usual, and in how she holds her brother a lot more. It's the conversations they whisper from time to time. It's how Sakura strokes Shirou's hand, and how Saber rubs Rin's back while looking extremely concerned from time to time as she looks at her, and then Shirou. Even Rider leans in to talk to Sakura. It's as though they are bracing for something. 

The world outside of school is a scary place. Even outside of Fuyuki and Japan itself. They seem to be doing well, but it always good to have a plan of action and some yen saved over and invested well to maintain the household and everyone's well being. Maybe it is job security they are concerned with, or some of their own family struggles. Taiga is confident, though, that they will get through this. She will do her part to help in any case. The world isn't _that_ bad. 

And so, this one night, she and her loved ones eat, drink, laugh, and talk into the wee hours of the morning. And she loves them all. Even Illya who has stolen one of her other desserts again. Perhaps, after a drink, she will have to answer for this affront after all. 


	78. Chapter 78

"I had a feeling." Illya says, confirming what her instincts had been all but practically whispering to her.

"I can't believe I didn't sense the difference." Rin shakes her head. "We've been linked for a while now. Shirou, I can understand. He's never really had proper magus training until this past year, and the War. But I should have known better."

"Well yes." Illya waves a dismissive hand. "Even as a country bumpkin magus, you totally should."

"Illya." Saber cuts in with a stern voice, before Rin's red face can erupt into what will start a series of rejoinders. It also doesn't help that Sakura, along with Sella and Leysritt are giving her looks similar to Saber's tone. Only Rider seems somewhat amused.

"Fine fine." Illya sighs. "I mean, it's not like any of us really are experts here. After all _most_ of us only had one Servant to test a bond with."

"Really, Illya?" Rin replies, the conflict not averted at all. "Do you really want to go there? I mean, because, I guess not all of us are Grails that had Servant essences pass into them, and can probably tell the difference en masse ..."

"You know." Saber says, still lying on one of the slabs in Illya's Workshop, prone underneath the two magi. "I would prefer that you save your bickering, if need be, for when you are not probing me with invasive spiritual conceptual tools if that is all the same to you."

"Well, what do you know." Rider adds, from where she also lies on an adjacent slab. "Rin's sass is contagious after all if it can infect the noble King of Knights."

Illya gives Rin a pointed look. "Rin, you should remove my tools from your Servants before you accidentally splutter inside her."

"Yes." Rider says. "That is Shirou's job."

Illya notices everyone now glaring at Rider at the same time, including herself as this is not an image of her onii-chan that she needs. Even Sakura slaps her Servant lightly on the shoulder for that uncalled for remark. 

"And on the topic of _Grails_." Sakura says, her tone still even but with an edge of steel that Illya notices can even freeze her older sister into place. "And, well, Servants ..." The bite behind her voice immediately disappears, as she looks down at herself, back in that place of old shame if only for a moment. "I couldn't tell the different between Saber and the others either ... though I wasn't paying attention ..."

 _Yes, because the presence of my Berserker you took from me must have clouded the rest of them out, even Saber,_ is the retort that Illya doesn't say. She is somewhat proud of herself. She does _too_ have restraint after all! Besides, jabbing at Sakura has never really satisfied Illya. She never really fights back, and Illya has never -- aside from what happened to Berserker -- really had an issue with her, and even _that_ wasn't her fault. Not entirely. Hurting Sakura is like kicking a puppy, and Illya isn't that cruel. Even at her worst. Aside from Saber, she's the only other woman in her onii-chan's life she can tolerate, because she understands -- to an extent -- what it had been like to be a Grail, and to have a Grandfather that treated her like property on the best of days, and attempted to turn her against those she loved for his purposes. And she makes her onii-chan happy. Rin though, Rin Illya just plain tolerates, as the Tohsaka magus often forgets her place. But just to show how magnanimous -- and _mature --_  she is, she's going to bring the discussion back to the topic at hand.  

"So now we know why you can't enter spirit form, Saber." Illya says. "Rider, she had existed millennia ago and actually died." 

"Thank you for pointing out the obvious, and the reminder." Rider mutters, a little frostily, from her slab. 

Illya chooses to remain the mature one and ignores her, continuing on. "In addition to her mystic nature, her energy registers the same as my Berserker had. As most of the Servants, except Archer ..." She peers down at Saber. "So, Saber. When were you going to tell us that you were a Counter-Guardian in transition?"

Everyone in the room grows silent. As a homunculus with her own ties to the world, and user of the Third Magic's remnants, along with the fact that she carried Archer's soul inside her for a time, Illya recognized the signs: especially with the Mystic Codes she was able to forge with her onii-chan's help this past year. She's surprised neither she, nor her mother, could smell the scent of Alaya on Saber. That isn't the entirety of her presence, of course. That was what made it hard. But Illya did have her suspicions, even before this series of tests and examinations. A Spiritual Doctor might have been even more useful to this regard, but they couldn't risk bringing one in, and they would have had to be exceptional. Like Kotomine ... In any case, today she had seen it, the differences between hers and Rider's energies. Many magi would have jumped at the chance to examine -- or worse, dissect -- powerful spiritual familiars like Saber and Rider, especially the Clock Tower's Department of Spiritual Evocation. But these are the secrets of the Three Families, and the four of them -- well, technically the six of them if you counted the Servants -- wanted to keep it that way. 

Illya hadn't had time before or during the War to examine Berserker. She had other, if misguided, priorities then. Besides, it hadn't seemed right to do so, despite using her powers as a Master to subjugate his rage. He had been the closest to a friend aside from Sella and Leysritt for the longest time, almost like a father-figure ... 

But this experiment, now, is important. It has further implications, especially on their immediate future. On _hers_ ...

Saber sits up at the two magi have already withdrawn Illya's Mystic Codes. She looks down at her knees. "Technically, you are incorrect Illyasviel." She tells her. 

"Illya." Illya sighs, correctly her, somewhat gently before moving on. "You were saying?"

"Yeah Saber." Rin says, her blue eyes fixed on her Servant. "Please tell us what's going on."

"I ... I wasn't keeping this from you, or Shirou." Saber sighs. "I know ... because of my actions, all of them, during the days of Camelot I would have been recorded into the Throne of Heroes. Most of me, is. I have information about this time, and the time I was summoned by Kiritsugu, in my mind."

"Yeah. Otherwise you'd have been hopeless in this time." Rin snaps, before she immediately catches herself and remembers who she is talking with. "I'm ... I'm sorry, Saber." She places a hand on her shoulder. "Go on ..."

Saber puts her hand on Rin's. Illya isn't sure when they stopped pretending. Perhaps it was how closely the six of them work together. Maybe it's because they all love the same man, and to an extent, each other. "At the Battle of Camlann, after dealing with ... Mordred. I wanted to correct my mistakes. I wanted to find the Holy Grail and save my kingdom ... if only from me. I made a plea to the World and ..." She shakes her head. "I was still wounded. I lost consciousness and then I found myself in the Throne answering a summons ..."

"Schrodinger's Cat ..." Rin murmurs, looking at her Servant, at her lover in a whole new light.

Illya wonders if this another adult image that she's going to want out of her head, especially after the Incident with Shirou's Reality Marble and Rin's attire at the time. 

"I remember that from Science Class." Sakura says, much to Illya's relief. She suspected this was a mundane science reference, but with Rin and her perversions, she could never be sure. "It's a thought experiment, if I remember it right."

"Yeah." Rin says, marveling at Saber and touching her face. Illya wonders if the Tohsaka magus is even conscious of doing so. "A scientist made this analogy to show how ridiculous one interpretation of quantum mechanics actually is: the idea of a random subatomic event that may or may not happen that determines how a subject changes between states. Basically, the theory is that there is place in matter that is between states if it isn't observed by an outside, material source."

"All right ..." Illya replies, slowly. "But what does a cat have to do with any of it?"

"Well, the thought experiment that Schrodinger created," Rin explains, "places a cat in a self-contained environment. It is exposed to a tiny atom of radiation for an hour. As long as no one opens, say this box, the cat is both living, and dead."

"You mean ..." Growing horror fills Illya. "It's _undead_?"

"No." Rin shakes her head. "Though Servants are technically spirits ..."

"What cur would do that to a cat?" Saber growls, suddenly reminding everyone of the Lion Cub toy that Shirou bought her some time ago, but much deadlier. 

"Humans are monsters." Rider says with obvious disgust in her voice.

"It was a thought-experiment!" Rin exclaims. "It was never done! At least I don't think ..."

"And onii-chan thinks _magi_ are barbaric." Illya mutters. 

"No I ..." Rin sighs. "Goddammit. It's like a parable, or a metaphor to .. show how a scientific theory can only be proved right or wrong until it can be tested and proved. Schrodinger was basically putting that theory down with this scenario."

"That is one experiment that should never be tested." Saber says, with great conviction. "If this is where the nature of your examinations are headed, you can count me out ..."

"For fuck's sakes!" Rin growls, her patience obviously gone. "Saber, we are not killing any cats!"

"Well, not right now." Rider says, a smile on her face that Illya doesn't quite like. 

"Shut. Up. Rider." Rin glares at Sakura, who is just barely keeping from giggling at her expense. "All of you. Basically, what I'm saying is Saber is both alive and dead! She's actually the subject that the thought-experiment makes fun of! But she's real! Saber, you are in a transitional state." She turns her attention back to her Servant. "Most likely until you can get the Grail, or you decide not to so. Rider is already dead."

"Still here."

"Yes. We know. But you are in a different state now from when you were alive." Rin huffs.

"That's not what you were saying last night."

Once the initial horror wears off, Illya can see what the other magus is trying to say. Before Rin can start shouting, if the pressure in her red face is anything to go by, Illya interjects. "So Saber is technically neither dead, nor alive. Or she's both. The other Servants, even Archer, are dead but in another state now, as much as we can apply mundane science to magecraft or Magic. That's why she can remember the last War she was summoned in, as she isn't completely integrated with the Throne as an archetype. And why she can't go into spirit form."

"Yes." Rin says. "Finally. That."

"I didn't know how different it was." Saber admits. "Though I suspected there was something about my existence after I asked the World for the chance to change."

"Well, with the Compact between you, Shirou, and I you should remain here." Rin says, lost in thought and concern now that she is done playing at being teacher. "Though I wonder what would happen if ..."

Saber takes Rin's hand and holds it in her own. "It's all right Rin. I'm not sure, but Merlin always said I would have ties to Avalon: to the Ever-Distant Utopia. Maybe I would go and be fully accepted into the Throne. Or join the Counter Force, like Archer. But ... I think I would go to Utopia."

"I don't want you to go, though." Rin says in a quiet voice.

"I won't. Not yet." Saber tells her. "Definitely not now. I hope through our explorations that we, all of us, can stay together for as long as we can."

Illya swallows, and hopes that none of them can see her do it. She is feeling really tired. It's been about a year. Perhaps over a year. That was how much time she had been given by her Grandfather, and then by Rin and herself after they examined her. But right now, Avalon seems to be helping. Illya curses the fact that she still can't control the Bounded Field as effectively as the Emiya could apparently do. She should be thankful, in a way, for her Grandfather's information and dossier on her father. The fact of the matter is that if the information gathered by Einzbern agents all those years ago was even remotely true, if what they took from Clock Tower records was accurate, then Emiya Norikata himself could modify Bounded Fields to near zero, to the body itself. She is nowhere near that skillful. She imagines that even Kiritsugu had greater skill due to his fragment of the Emiya Crest. It is so much she can do to direct Avalon to stimulating parts of her brain -- the seat of her nervous system and her soul -- of her Magic Circuits.

She is aware that everyone can see she walks with great difficulty, and that she sits down a lot more. She's not dead yet. Not even close, but she can feel the wear and tear of her homunculus body. Without Avalon ... 

Illya has thought about the implications. She has had more than a year to do so. She is older and perhaps the Crest might not take, though they have the formula and Avalon to assist with the grafting process. It is easier, though, to begin passing on a Crest to a magus when they are a child. She has thought about using the Third Magic or some variant magecraft to pass her consciousness onto another homunculus body. But there is also a similar problem. Her Magic Circuits were constructed, grown, and developed to be at the nth degree. They were engineered. They are literally her soul. If she passed onto another body, the flaws in her design would just affect that form instead. And even if there were a way to slow down that spiritual decay, she did not want to exist like that: slowly forgetting her memories and her other feelings: becoming, after a time, only the fear of death.

She didn't want to become Zolgen Makiri.

And despite their examinations of Saber and Rider's forms as materialized spiritual bodies, she doesn't know or have enough of the Third Magic in her to be able to ascend into a being beyond the material, however her ancestors were able to do so: wherever in the multiverse they are now. It's a strange thing, when she thinks about it. How her Magic Circuits are the nervous system of her soul, and how they were made and not born. Illya considers herself, and then Saber. They are not that dissimilar. Saber is in a state between flesh and energy. Illya was born of the human genetic material of her father, but born in the womb of a unique homunculus: her mother. They are both, in ways, between states. Hybrids. 

Illya thinks about Saber considering what will happen to her after death, if it happens. About all the places and states she could be in. For the first time, ever, now that they are so close to realizing their goals, Illya wonders what will happen to her -- what could happen to her -- after she dies. Is there an afterlife for a homunculus? Is a homunculus' only immortality, in her case, the memories passed on to another model? Or because she and her kind were made from the world, from the earth, would she dissipate into nothingness, like the unbaptized sea foam of mermaids in Hans Christian Anderson's  _Den lille havfrue_? 

Will an extra clump of Circuits from her paternal Family to her own make that much of a difference to her artificial soul, and being? 

"Illyasviel-sama?" Sella asks. "Are you feeling tired?"

"No Sella. I'm fine." Illya tells her. "We still have a bit more business."

"Illya ..." Sakura is about to say.

Illya waves them both off. "So, perhaps, Avalon with its faerie magic and its constant healing ability can place someone in that state. Maybe that is one reason why the World listened to Saber."

"Illya." Saber says. "You need --"

"I need my onii-chan to live. And if we have a chance at this, any chance, he needs something aside from his Od for this to work." Illya cuts in. "I won't do anything rash before then, of course. But it looks promising." She turns to the other part of his Workshop. "He should be done soon. We have some things to talk about."

After the Reality Marble Incident, they have not be taking any chances. There are more warding sigils around Shirou's section of Illya's Workshop along with what she had her Family build for him. She is impressed with it. The preparations have been underway for some time. It will soon be now, or never. Still, Illya looks at Saber. She doesn't think about Avalon or oblivion anymore when she sees the person who was her father's Servant, and her mother's friend ... her brother's lover. Instead, she wonders -- now -- just what Avalon could do for a being who is neither dead nor alive. Who might be both dead, and alive. If it might sway her state towards one, or the other ...

Illya thinks, again, on how similar their states are to each other ... 

Saber gave her an oath. At least twice. Perhaps, if things don't go well, Illya's contingency can work after all. 


	79. Chapter 79

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the moment that some of you have been waiting for. 
> 
> And so, as I pray ... ;)

Shirou has finished up his preparations. 

He gets up from the circle he has painstakingly inscribed himself. His exposed skin has all of the sigils and runes that are necessary. They have gone over this, this rehearsal of the ritual, over and again. But he has honed it down. The elaborate mystical protections, he can understand given what happened the last time: and that was when he was unconsciously tapping into his true nature, made retrograde and bogged down by the actions of another who came before, another who doesn't exist yet, or never will. But it isn't about that now. That day, whatever other disaster almost came, he had finally faced it down. 

His soul is sure now. His purpose is even clearer. 

Everything should be in order. The Bounded Fields around Illya's Workshop are reinforced, and would keep most trained magi away: even someone like Bazett, who is currently in the Castle. As much as he has no issue with the former Enforcer, even he can see that the less she or anyone else beyond the six -- or seven of them if you counted Lord El-Melloi to an extent -- knows about his secrets, the better. It has been the better part of a year, and Illya isn't getting any better. He knows well enough to realize that it's more than a lazy day that makes it harder for Sella or Leysritt to get her out of bed. Avalon is keeping her stable. When they undertake the next part of their mission, she is going to need further help before he succeeds.

And he will succeed.

But, right now, Shirou has to keep his mind in order. He looks over the piece of paper that she kept for him, even kept from him for a time, after the Incident. He's read over it several times, this crude document for lack of a better word with glyphs and kanji and English characters. He thinks he has finally made sense of it. It makes sense to him. He looks at the beginnings of this Bounded Field ritual: in the circle he's made slowly, over time, from his own blood. It was not too strenuous and he had paced himself, doing it a few weeks at a time with the aid of the formula reagent the rest of them had made together. It didn't matter if it dried, the intent is still there. 

He brushes off his knees, and walks past all of his benches and tools, up the stairs, to the rest of Illya's Workshop. 

"I don't want you to go, though." 

Shirou pauses as he hears Rin's voice, unusually timid.

"I won't." Saber replies with a great deal of resolution in her tone. "Not yet. Definitely not now. I hope through our explorations that we, all of us, can stay together for as long as we can."

He comes up to the door. There is more talking. He's glad that Saber can calm Rin down. That they are there for each other. It doesn't surprise him when he overhears the concern for Illya. 

"I need my onii-chan to live. And if we have a chance at this, any chance, he needs something aside from his Od for this to work. I won't do anything rash before then, of course. But it looks promising. He should be done soon. We have some things to talk about."

A lump seems to gather in his throat. As if he needed another reminder to know that he can't fail. 

"So." Illya says, and Shirou knows that tone, of her trying to change the subject. "How did you all decide who was going to be onii-chan's girlfriend?"

There is dead silence. Shirou is halfway in opening the door when he pauses.

"Really, Illya?" Rin barks. "Is this really the time you want to do this? I thought we made this all clear."

"Oh, I know he's with ... all of you." Shirou can practically see his sister rolling her red eyes. "But I mean, I guess it makes sense. Taiga is really attached to Sakura." 

"Illya ..." Sakura shakes her head, and her cheeks blush as she looks away from them. "That's ..."

"The boy makes my Master happy." Rider has her hand on Sakura's shoulder, a soft smile on her lips. "That was enough for me." 

"It also makes sense." Saber says, getting up from the slab where Shirou knows they were doing tests on her for their upcoming venture. "Sakura has been with Shirou the longest. She's been with him throughout the entire War. Everyone knows that the two of you are practically inseparable."

"Saber ..." Sakura reaches a hand out and puts it on the other's. "Senpai loves you too."

Shirou watches Saber smile at Sakura. "I know that. But it was the right thing to do. You deserve to be ... seen with him. You deserve that happiness ..."

"It's okay, Saber." Rin says. "You can admit that it hurts."

"Neesan ..."

"No." Rin stares hard at her younger sister. "Don't apologize. You have nothing to apologize for, Sakura. We discussed this with the baka, remember? He didn't even _want_ to do this. But memory charms only work so much, and there would have been questions. Not just about our living arrangements, but the rest of it. Do you really think the rest of our friends and contacts are prepared to deal with the Moonlit World? Because that's where those questions might've led to ..." 

"Saber, I ..." Sakura sighs. "I took so much from you already. From all of you. I ..."

"Rin is right, Sakura." Saber says. "We had already talked this over. I was never going to have a regular life. I lost that opportunity when I took up Caliburn from the Stone."

"Saber ..."

"This ..." She waves at them, and in the direction of where Shirou has been working. "This is more than I could have ever dreamed. I would never have been able to _conceive_ of it. I know where love is. And it is with Shirou, and it is with you. And I will fight for it."

"Besides." Rin adds, putting an arm around Saber. "You have the harder job being Shirou's _beard_."

"I don't know, Rin." Rider says. "I think out of everyone here, it's more accurate to say that he's Sakura's."

"I ..." Rin blinks. "Huh." 

"Rider!" Sakura says. "I'd rather not see Senpai with facial hair, to be honest." 

Illya lowers her head and shakes it. "I've just given up understanding this a long time ago. Now I regret asking. Still ..." She looks up at Sakura. "During the War, you were all he could talk about. I see why he changed for you. Come to think of it, just watching it Sakura, you basically keep everyone here from falling apart." 

"Oh, Illya ..." Sakura looks away again in utter embarrassment.

"It's true." Illya says. "Don't deny it. I love onii-chan to bits, but he's hopeless at times."

"But he's a good cook!" Saber interjects.

"And he cleans up well too." Rin adds. "And I'd rather keep him cleaning up floors and junk, than have him be the janitor of humanity's failures."

"And do you really think _Rin_ could do it all by herself?" Shirou can practically see the smile on Illya's face.

"You little brat ..."

Shirou lets these ... feelings flow through him. His heart hurts when he looks at the sad expression in Saber's eyes even as she attempts to remain stoic. Some things never change. He still feels bad. But they talked, a few days before Sakura's graduation and their belated graduation party. A part of him wishes that Saber could experience what it is like to be someone's girlfriend, taken on dates, even ... even a wife one day. But most of those things, she pointed out to him, could still happen, save the last one ... publicly. 

A part of him feels so selfish. He feels less guilty about Rider, as she has always been her own agent, and her devotion to Sakura absolute. She loves him, but he is definitely not her primary partner despite the time they spend together. And Rin, well, as far as Rin is concerned he will be her apprentice at the Clock Tower sometime soon. And her consort in the Moonlit World. She made that very clear to him. But surely she should find someone of a decent magi lineage, someone to work with her and create more worthy heirs for her Clan. And it is true. He did, initially, change for Sakura that fateful time during the War. But he wishes they knew, that he could communicate, that in the end he changed for _all_ of them. 

Shirou knows in Japan's past, nobles and functionaries had multiple wives, consorts, and concubines. But he has never had pretensions of that, one way or another. He definitely, for all of his male urges and adolescent fantasies, never sought a harem. And he still doesn't. He wishes he can show them how much he loves them. How integral they are to his world.

And then, Shirou realizes, that he can. That today is the entire point.

"Senpai ..."

They suddenly seem to realize that he has been standing there, practically, this entire time. He suddenly remembers that he has been standing here, this entire time, and saying absolutely nothing. There is a period of awkward silence on both sides, until Shirou clears his throat.

"Well." He tells them. "I'm ready now. As I'll ever be."

He finds himself with nothing else to say as he banishes the wards, and lets them into his Workshop. The usual bickering and banter falls away as they follow him down the stairs. It is an unusual arrangement, Shirou admits to himself, all of this. Illya insisted on building him a Workshop, essentially, in her Workshop. But it is more than that. So much more. It's more than just the strange and unconventional nature of having two magi Workshops in each other, which -- granted -- he could understand the practicality of given what happened with the Incident. And as much as he is more comfortable in the shed at his residence, he knows it wouldn't even begin to be able to contain anything should anything ... go wrong again. 

And he has to admit that while the shed is a nice place to meditate and relax and create simple tasks of his magecraft, the Forge is where he needs to undertake his greatest Mysteries.

Everyone, including himself, was impressed with the work of Illya's homunculi. They created an entire Forge: a specialized furnace, a variety of sturdy work tables, racks for tools, a diverse amount of tools for different kinds of substance working -- including metal working tools -- and a training room. They even managed to create a sophisticated ventilation system for the fumes and chemicals used in Shirou's work. And Shirou had instruction, in making actual blades without his Tracing. For a while, there were homunculi blacksmiths teaching him how to forge his own weapons, and tools. Shirou had a lot of trouble learning magecraft, especially beyond his own nature, but he took to forging like he had done it his whole life. 

Sakura, Rider, Rin, Saber, and Illya follow behind him. Evidently Sella and Leysritt were left behind, probably to either stand guard or check up on Bazett. They walk past rows of his creations. Some of them are Traced, and have lasted for weeks outside of the place from where he summoned them. Others have been forged by him and Reinforced with finer and finer precision and folds over and again. They are marveling at it. He does too, for different reasons. Shirou understands, to an extent. A lot of it is the result of his overly specialized nature, something he could never help. But the rest of it could have been done by anyone. Any magus, with the right training, such as Einzbern forging, and basic Reinforcement could do what he does: though some reason, they never believe him when he says so. Granted, some of the duplication of some of the curses and blessings on the works he has replicated and modified are difficult, even with special attention to Gradation Air, but he hopes one day his Tracing -- his specialization of the skill -- can be learned to some extent by others. He is working on that. But there is one creation of his that comes first.

They come to his exercise room, the place he has painstakingly inscribing the sigils of a variety of Bounded Fields and formalcraft. Each symbol is related to sword craft, or blades. It is all part of the circle, the greater one, similar to a summoning circle from the War but drastically different -- the place he has meditated in for months even before inscribing it with his own alchemically prepared blood. 

"Senpai ..." Sakura says, her eyes tearing up. She is about to say more, but Rin puts a hand on her shoulder, stopping her. Rider and Saber recognize the distance that is needed. Even Illya has a serious look on her face. Shirou breathes in and out, as he stands in the middle of the circle. Then, looking at them, he beckons them with one hand. They hesitate, but then Illya comes towards him. Rin follows him, and the rest come after. They surround him in a circle, in the innermost part of the circle he has made. 

He brings up the piece of paper, and they see it. He breathes, carefully controlled, in and out. Out and in ... 

And then, Shirou begins to read what I wrote almost a year ago. His voice feels steady, and solemn. 

 _"I am the bone of my sword._  
_Steel is my body and fire is my blood._  
_I have created over a thousand blades._

 _Unaware of beginning,_  
_Nor aware of the end._

_Have withstood pain to create many weapons,_

_Yet I have no regrets. My flame never ends._

_My whole life is **Unlimited Blade Works.** " _ 

Shirou holds the arrow in his mind, keeping it taut ... and then releases it. He feels his Circuits open wider than they ever have before. His crest, made from Rin and Sakura, cycles through the prana fed into him and travels sympathetically through the dried blood on the ground and its complex patterns. Fire seems to light all around them. Then a circle of flame that surrounds them and a verdant ground. Sky awakens above them, shining down: a firmament between a sunset and a sunrise. Swords, axes, lances, arrows, and countless weapons materialize into the ground as if they had always been there. 

And then ... something else happens. In the midst of this world of golden orange and red, a furrow forms around them, deepening, filling with liquid made amber by the light of the sky. A sheathe forms in the centre of this island, golden and shining, a glimpse of an eternal morning. The island rises, separating from the mainland, and surveys an entire field of glimmering, glittering weapons. And then ... they see it. Shirou can feel it. Vines form around the sheathe, they grow throughout the island itself, around hilts and weapons. The green grass around the sheathe blooms with cherry blossoms: a clearing in the middle of a battlefield. Shirou sees Kanshou and Bayuka, buried blade first in the island,  covered in flowers.

They watch in awe. Even Shirou, generating this power, this World, observes the construction, the creation of it in process, with a deep, serene, joy. A cherry blossom tree grows above the sheathe, now on a stone, on this island. And somehow, something tells him, it isn't finished yet. Slowly, Shirou walks towards the stone. He can feel the others watching him as he takes something out of the pocket of his pants. It is the blade he had been cutting himself with to make the ritual circle, that generated this World -- this Reality Marble. After their first night together, and with him and Saber, Rin presented him with this blade. 

This Azoth Dagger. 

Shirou looks at Rin, at all of them, and plunges the Azoth Dagger deep into the stone under the sheathe. 

There is a bright light. And then, nothing ... except for a breeze ...

Carrying a single snow flake. 

They take in everything. Everything that this means. Shirou feels the strain on his Circuits disappear. But the World, his World, his Reality Marble, and the island in his Reality Marble remains. It sinks in. He did it. In fact, it did it. It wanted to be born. It wanted to be born exactly like this. 

Slowly, the others come to him. Sakura's eyes are brimming with tears. Rider hugs him tightly. Saber's face is filled with awe at the sight of the sheathe and comes to Shirou's side, kissing him. Illya sees another snowflake fall and her face beams with joy. 

And Rin looks at the Azoth Dagger, in the stone, and says only one thing.

"Show off."

Shirou smiles. His grin literally hurts his face as Rin runs towards them and nearly tackles him along with Illya. He did it. They all did it. 

Whatever else happens now, no matter what they face, his whole life is Unlimited Blade Works. And they are a part of it. They are all a part of his world. 

They are his entire life. 


	80. Chapter 80

Emiya Shirou expected chaos. 

But he didn't expect pandemonium. 

His arms and legs strain to a brisk limit under the effects of his Reinforcement, along with the rest of his senses. In retrospect, much later, after the events of today he will realize that his caution, while prudent, became almost needless.

Somehow, perhaps because of his extra training and the calibration of his body, he can feel Avalon thrumming inside of his core. The Mantle of King Arthur in Cornwall rests heavy on his shoulders, and over his head and face, and he can feel it taking the energy from the Noble Phantasm in his body: the internalized Bounded Field of it that he learned to sense, and to some extent even control after all of his work with his sister, and his own Reality Marble, feeding into the mystical cloak. 

The magi running past him, Enforcers, and even some of the Nobility that Rin taught him to recognize, do not even spare him a glance as a series of different wards, and spells go off throughout the entire lower section of the Clock Tower. The Bottom of the Bridge. And Shirou had been to the very bottom. The good news is, if there hadn't been any indication that King Arthur's Mantle was working before, he definitely knows that it is now. And Shirou knows it was working before. The Mantle, powered for now by Avalon, masked him from all detection spells and mystic sight. He's still amazed, even as he comes to the chamber to which he had been directed beforehand, just how ... disturbingly easy it had been to get the lowest part of "the Bridge."

It had taken another year. Shirou and his family knew they had to do this right. First, he had been invited -- on Rin's authority -- to be her assistant at the Clock Tower. There had just been some minor confusion, given that Kotomine Kirei had apparently declared Shirou dead to the Church and the Association -- having sent out a missive that he had died during the Fifth Holy Grail War Ritual -- but Rin had dealt with it. It couldn't have been helped even if he hadn't come to the Tower. Apparently, factions had already known he had survived such as the El-Melloi and Rin cited the latter faction -- among others -- as having possible vendettas against Shirou's Clan as the reason his death was "falsified." To interested parties, she made it aware that the Emiyas had entered her Family's land illegally a few years ago, but due to Shirou's cooperation during Heaven's Feel, she felt compelled to take him on as an apprentice. Unfortunately, as long as her own position at the Clock Tower, along with certain legal issues due to the War, and her relationship to her own mentor remained uncertain, Rin had felt compelled not to bring her apprentice and assistant to the Association until those conditions had become more ... solidified. At least, this is what she told others that asked. 

In other words, Rin -- as the apprentice of Zelretch, and the protege of Lord El-Melloi II -- had enough clout to recognize and protect Shirou as a part of her entourage at the Tower. Certainly, it helped when it, unofficially, became known through her continued presence with Lord El-Melloi and perhaps some unofficial remarks from the Clan heir, that the El-Melloi had called off any feud with the remnants of the Emiya Family, while others like the Sophia-Ri had become wisely quiet and circumspect about the situation, and around the young man. Even so, Shirou learned enough to realize never to enter the Department of Spiritual Evocation on his own: for more than one reason. 

Officially, Shirou is Rin's assistant at the Tower. More visibly, he generally serves as a cook, or cleaner of their rooms: especially when she and Saber undertake their own errands. Unofficially, Shirou had been using the time he's earned to explore the Tower with the Mantle and corroborate Bazett's information about the Sealing Designated area with an actual first-hand layout of the place.  

It took a few months to analyze the patterns of the magi patrols, and warding spells. And this didn't even include Shirou and the others' experiments with Arthur's Mantle and Avalon back in Fuyuki before they undertook anything, along with exercising the extent of his own Reality Marble. Technically, right at this moment, as he comes into the chamber that contains the Emiya Crest, he shouldn't even be able to maintain the power of the Mantle on his own. It is powered by ancient, primordial energies: generally someone of an older and more mystically inclined bloodline. According to Rin and Saber, the Mantle should only be used by someone with a Magic Core or -- in the case of Saber -- a Dragon Core. Saber had volunteered this mission, asking for Shirou to give her support. But they couldn't risk it. Saber is powerful, but she is less a Servant now and more of a familiar. While it isn't clear whether she is dead or alive, she still counts as a spirit and the wards around the Sealing Designations had a fairly good chance of picking her up, even with her using the Mantle. 

Of course, if Shirou had attempted to use his own Od to power the Mantle, he would have been horrifically drained long before now, and discovered. That is why he has Avalon and Saber nearby, in a close vicinity, to keep the artifact effective. Even this is making him tired, having Avalon acting as something of a conversion energy source to keep him stable as his magic feeds the cloak. But he couldn't risk it. 

Shirou comes to an alcove. He takes out the spear from within the cloak. It glitters with a crimson light, its fine serrated red blade ending in a purple tip. 

He taps it, exposing it to the stone of the alcove, and watches its sigils fade and become dormant.

Gae Dearg. The Projection has lasted for several hours now, after he summoned it in Rin and Saber's rooms beforehand. As most of his Projections go, it is one rank below the original, but that is all right. Through the power and memories and experiences recorded in his Reality Marble, Shirou has replicated the Noble Phantasm and its passive effect well enough. He should know. In addition to having tested its Projection before, after extensive research, he has already used the spear.

Unlike, the memories behind the original spear's owner, whom love had compelled and condemned over loyalty,  Shirou keeps believing that love will help him fulfill his chosen duty. His promise.

Shirou tries not to shudder as he pulls the bin out of the wall, thinking about having already walked past this room, and deeper into the bowels of the Bridge, into the outskirts of that room where someone or something named "Gazamy" lay ... having touched Gae Dearg just enough to temporarily weaken some of the wards around that holding area. Even though Shirou was only good enough a magus to become a Specialist at best, he knew enough -- and felt enough -- to realize that whatever was down there felt decidedly _weird_ , and after weakening the wards around that feeling, he wanted to get away from there as soon as possible. And just he wanted to get away, the magi that suddenly began to swarm down the tunnels wanted to get towards it, so that they could potentially "neutralize" a situation before it, according to some of the panicked Enforcers, might "go sideways." He had thought to ask Rin who or what Gazamy was, or how she got that information, but she had been fairly tight-lipped about it: which was only prudent if somehow word got around here, or elsewhere, that they had a hint of one of the Clock Tower's major secrets ... one of the few they did not wish others outside the hierarchy to know. Ordinarily, Shirou would have been leery of meddling with powers beyond his understanding, but then he thinks about his little sister, wan and pale, and suspended and comatose in a vat of regenerative formula without Avalon to halt her body's degeneration, and he realizes they have spent enough time weighing the risks ... and she was worth all of them.

This is definitely one of the times that Shirou is glad he abandoned his Hero of Justice mentality. He just wants to do this job, get the Crest, and leave. He moves Gae Dearg and the field around the alcove reappears as he touches it against the container: temporarily disabling any protections it has around it. 

Now he has less time.

It isn't so much he's afraid of detection. That brief disturbance he caused down below apparently messed up a few warding sigils all around the area, but most of the magi seemed more focused on dealing with the place with which he left. But he also knows that the container has preservation spells around it, to keep its contents from degrading and in a state of stasis. Shirou reaches into his bag, under his cloak, and takes a similar container with the formula that they had created in Illya's Workshop. He looks into the bin and sees some papers, some flasks, a wilted white flower, a handgun ... and then he spots it. 

He sees a papery substance, almost translucent, with an etched pattern similar to the Crest on Rin's arm. Shirou tries not to think about how the layers which the Emiya Crest is inscribed, is the skin of a dead man: of his Jii-san's father, whom he had apparently killed as a child. According to the Einzbern dossier, the man had been a heretic and was more concerned with the development of his magecraft over the lives and humanity of others. Perhaps in death, Emiya Norikata could help another life: actually _saving_ that of his biological granddaughter. 

Shirou doesn't think of what the magus did, or tried to do with experiments on Dead Apostle research. Right now, Illya needs this Crest ...

And the bin needs a replacement. 

Shirou carefully places the Crest of his adopted Family, with gloved hands, into one container even as he reaches for another. Illya had been preparing this for quite some time, using the biological alchemy of her Family to make this facsimile. According to her, before her immersion into the formula currently keeping her on life support back in Fuyuki, she and Sella had managed to weed out the "impurities" of her homunculus genetic material to emphasize the flesh and cells of her paternal bloodline. In other words, on first place of the graft of skin that he places into the box with a design of its own, it would read to anyone looking as the skin of someone from the Emiya family. It didn't matter that the pattern resembling a Crest didn't match the one that Shirou had just taken. Shirou takes out another implement from his cloak, after he is done. The curved, rainbow blade of Rule Breaker clangs softly against the side of the container, destroying any protections or magic that it had. Unlike Gae Dearg's effect, the source of the spells will be neutralized permanently.

The false Crest and its grown skin will rapidly degrade. Hopefully, as far as anyone knew if they checked, due to the ... internal disturbances that were caused by what the Clock Tower would ultimately refuse to have ever acknowledged having occurred, some preservation rotes and wards had been disrupted in various alcoves in Sealing Designated Areas. The Emiya Crest, which had only been a shallow four generations, and due to the experimental nature of its last owner, would have rotted and decayed as a result. According to Rin, there were Crests of varying degrees of quality: some even temporary with each use. Kotomine himself, in one of his many exaggerated truth-telling sessions with his protege, said his Command Seals had actually been a "temporary or rudimentary expendable Magic Crest." Yet apparently these things did exist. Rin had one more part to play at some point through her connections with the El-Melloi with regards to this Crest, but that is not an issue for Shirou to concern himself with at this moment. 

He takes Gae Dearg and places it back at the alcove so that he can put the bin, now closed again, back inside. Then he removes the weapon, and places it back in his cloak. When he is outside of this place, he will dismiss it and Rule Breaker. Right now, Shirou takes the time to sprint out of the room, and up the stairs. It seems to go on forever. The strain of maintaining his two weapons, and having Avalon channel into the Mantle, is getting to him. Rivulets of sweat pour down his face, and his armpits. His chest feels like it's burning.

Shirou doesn't relax until he passes the main wards in a part of the wall to an outer building just part of the British Natural Museum that doesn't detect him. He continues walking. He knows where he is headed now. He's not going back into his rooms with Rin and Saber at the Tower. That is definitely too risky at this point. When he gets far enough, he lets Gae Dearg and Rule Breaker dissipate back into the ether, but maintains the Mantle a little while longer. He keeps moving, until he gets to a mansion. He is actually thankful that Luvia and Rin had such a destructive rivalry which -- on the surface -- they still maintain. Because of their initial rivalry, they had been forced to have other apartments outside of the Association grounds: especially Luvia, who was rich enough to afford her own property. Luvia, not asking about any details, said she would help Illya. Apparently, the Finnish magus had a fondness for his sister, and wanted her to be well. In exchange, Shirou would have to be her ... butler for a week. 

Rin hadn't been happy, and even Saber looked somewhat askance at the arrangement, but Shirou doesn't mind. Even if the Edelfelt magus mispronounced his name constantly, and had a temper on her, she is generally sweet to him despite that awkwardness around his father whom, as he definitely confirmed, she admired for his techniques. It is only at the border of her property that he releases his prana from channeling into Avalon and the Mantle of King Arthur turns back into its shifting, zephyr white and silver. Zelretch will want this back in his collection of the Thirteen Treasures, assuming he even knew that it had been ... borrowed, for a time. Shirou folds it up and puts it into his bag. 

Then he waits. Just a day or so here, then a flight back to Fuyuki ...

Finally, Shirou releases a breath he didn't even realize he had been holding this entire time. He feels a bit shaky from the adrenaline and the exhaustion. He did it. He didn't have his father's abilities to break and remake Bounded Fields, or other unconventional tactics, but between him, his Tracing, and the women in his life, he got the Crest. 

Now, maybe now, he can finally, truly save Illya. 


	81. Chapter 81

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been quite a ride, hasn't it? 
> 
> There are a few more things that I would like to do with this story before I end it. Of course, achieving most of the goals in isn't ever the end of the story. I try to show things in, or as, a process. All of it: from Shirou saving Saber *and* Sakura, to Illya surviving, to the heirs of the Three Families cooperating with each other and forging their Alliance, to Shirou coming back from the dead and painstakingly restoring his natural functions never mind achieving his Reality Marble in this life time, to the creation of a formula that restores Magic Crests and stimulates Magic Circuit quality because of the Three, the political intrigues, alliances being made, to the emotional development and relationships forming between everyone involved and becoming a Family ... and now Shirou *finally* retrieving the Emiya Crest to save his sister ... all of it is building towards the end ... and perhaps something more. 
> 
> I've taken some creative liberties. I've elaborated on details, and created theories that I neither confirm nor deny. I had to create a whole new Noble Phantasm in the form of the Mantle of King Arthur of Cornwall -- one of Britain's mythological Thirteen Treasures but seemingly without Nasuverse statistics or qualities -- and the aforementioned formula for Magic Crest for which Avalon and a lot of multi-disciplinary magecraft was integral, to even some theories on the True Magics, and some borrowed ideas on the actual nitty-gritty of developing, or even failing to develop, a Reality Marble. 
> 
> Between elaborating and extending details, and so many call backs to Zero, Night, some hollow ataraxia, some new information from the Lord El-Melloi II Case Files, and even previous chapters of this fic itself, I've found that whether I have been extrapolating on previous material, or adding in original elements, that the real challenge is keeping everything plausible and consistent. But than that, I wanted to portray character interactions as realistically -- and with as much heart -- as possible. And in some ways, I feel as though that is more important than the world-extension writing. 
> 
> What else can I say? This has been a wild ride of research, late nights, erotica, fanboy and girling, and comment-exchanging. There is still some more work to do, and perhaps a twist or more, but to get to this point is definitely a milestone. But, all that being said, this story isn't over yet. After all, we have to see how Illya takes to her new Crest ...

It isn't an exaggeration to say that Rin is exhausted, in more ways than one.

Even though she had talked about it beforehand with Illya, Sella had almost -- _almost_ \-- resisted her assisting in the procedure. It had taken everyone to remind the homunculus of her mistress' wishes, but it wasn't until Leysritt herself spoke up and did what no one else seemed to be able to do with so many words, and Sella finally acquiesced. 

It isn't as though Rin likes Illya, or anything: a sentiment definitely returned in kind. The fact of the matter is that the two of them have, at best, a constructive cease-fire while still getting on each other's nerves on almost every fundamental level. But she and Illya, along with the rest of their Alliance, has done some good work together, and it would be a shame if they had to stop now. Besides, she knows Saber feels a duty to Illya through her family, and definitely knows that Shirou would never forgive her if something happened to his sister. Well, that isn't entirely correct. Shirou would forgive her, but she would never forgive herself if she looked at the sadness in his eyes, after everything he has done, and known that she had any hand in causing it. 

Rin takes the Crest with some mystically prepared tongs, and her gloved hands. Saber stands nearby, with Avalon. Shirou had made a point of returning the sheathe to her again once they met after the plane ride back to Fuyuki the following day after ... Shirou's mission. They had to keep up appearances. Rin had continued her work while Saber remained on guard. But every part of her was screaming, then, to join Shirou even at Luvia's mansion, to ask how he was doing, to know if he succeeded, to make sure he wasn't ... wasn't dead again. Or worse. She knew that it was also taking every inch of Saber's self-control not to go to one of the secret areas in the Tower pointed out by Bazett, and obliterating everything in sight with Excalibur to find Shirou: to protect and rescue him if need be. Perhaps, that day, Rin and Saber may have held hands a little more than usual: though who was reassuring whom was anyone's guess.

They didn't want Shirou to go by himself. There had been a lot of ... lively debate about whether or not the ... retrieval itself would be a one or two person job. But somehow, Rin knew even as she went through the motions, that Shirou was going to win that ... debate. 

Aside from more of his foolish attempts at chivalry, she knew that it would have been risky to give one of them the Noble Phantasms he Traced. It's true, based on all the work Shirou has been doing, helping them create specialized Mystic Codes -- such as those involved in this operation -- could make Projections that would last for hours. But they couldn't take that risk: of using them away from him for too long. Even the best Projections will eventually dissipate by the will of Gaia. If that had happened with any of them, the Noble Phantasms needed for the retrieval would have been lost forever, and they couldn't do their job. Rin herself might have been able to learn how to use Avalon as the Mantle's power source, but she didn't have nearly as much experience with the sheathe as Shirou. And Saber, despite her unique status, would doubtless be registered as a spirit and even if the Mantle kept her from being detected by the Sealing Designated area's wards and curses, she could only follow basic orders and use the Noble Phantasms as weapons themselves under those orders and her training. 

The difficult fact was that Shirou was the only one who could create and dissipate those Noble Phantasms at will. He also had the most experience with Avalon inside of him. And there was no way they could send two people in there without the Mantle to protect them from being detected: especially not Saber and, it went without saying, Rin. 

It didn't mean that either of them had to like it. Perhaps that is why both of them may have taken Shirou's share of Saber's prana ... a little more forcefully once they got him into an unoccupied place at the airport, decorum be damned. 

But Rin doesn't need distractions right now, especially not with the red stink eye with which Sella still gracing her. The two of them are murmuring incantations as Illya's back is raised just outside of her tube of solution. Rin knows that lllya isn't comatose in the same manner she had been all those months at the beginning. She has willingly put herself into something of a meditative trance in the formula she prepared for herself in advance, slowing down her metabolic processes until she could receive the transplant. She wouldn't put it past the little brat to be able to sense everything else going on around her, and grade Rin's performance later. As if _she_ could have done any better ...

The reason why Rin volunteered to assist Sella is because, while the EInzbern are expert healers and alchemists, it had probably been a while since they had actually done any Crest transplants given their nature. Most of the Einzbern Clan isn't even rightfully human anymore, or close to it. From what Rin understood of her conversations with, and even examinations of Illya, Einzbern homunculi were the products of what could only be called "reverse-Crests." It wasn't so much that they were inscribed into the flesh of homunculi, as they the homunculi were _formed_ around the Crest that were the Einzbern's organized Magic Circuits. Each Crest, and hence each form grown from and around it, was specialized and unique. Like different biological tools ...

However, Rin is banking on the fact that by Illya's own nature she has human blood -- the same as related to the Emiya Crest -- that can be used as something of a skin graft. It has already been quite some time, and piecing the Crest onto Illya is pointless. She will, if this succeeds, have to take the replicated blood of her paternal family mixed into some medicine to make sure there is no rejection, but between that, the solution in which she is currently immersed, and having Avalon placed back into her body, it should be all right. 

Rin would have been more comfortable with a Spiritual Doctor performing this procedure, but between her experience of Crest transplantation and Sella's knowledge of Einzbern experimental healing techniques as well as the sheer power of the Magic Circuit that is Illyasviel von Einzbern, it should suffice. But as they graft the Crest taken from Illya's paternal grandfather onto her exposed back, hoping it will fit her small frame -- or that if all goes well she will _grow_ into it -- Rin really hopes there will be no magecraft compatibility issues with which to contend. 

Sella grafts the Crest onto Illya and chants, melding it into her skin. Then, she moves away as Rin checks to see if it is on the vital _qi_ points of Illya's system. According to the Einzbern dossier on Illya's father, most Emiyas wore the Crest on her back of Noritaka and Kiritsugu had been of any indication. It should be fine ... 

The rest of it they will all just have to play by ear.

Rin and Sella step back: allowing Saber to come forward and press Avalon into Illya's body once again. There is a flair of golden light that never fails to captivate Rin as the sheathe dematerializes into the small homunculus' form: leaving her there to float peacefully. Sella comes forward, checking Illya's pulse, and then gently lowering her back into the solution. 

They will let her rest there for the night, and then Sella will -- for lack of a better word -- _decant_ her the next day. For now, they all have to wait.

She finally allows herself to look up. Shirou had been allowed to be in the room, but was told under no circumstances to ... well, freak out. Rin can imagine how the baka must feel. After everything he did, actually managing to break into, and _retrieve_ \-- not steal, she keeps telling herself -- his adoptive Family's Crest under the noses of Enforcers, Nobility, and the whole Clock Tower, Projecting Noble Phantasms to do so, and straining his body with Avalon to use the Mantle that he should never have been able to do, to be so helpless right now, now that the adrenaline and focus of his one mission had worn off, must be agony. 

Perhaps now he understands what they felt when he died ... Rin shakes her head. That thought isn't fair, not even to Shirou. Especially after he saved her own sister, and everyone else ... Well, at least she didn't say it aloud, and that -- at least to Rin -- is some evidence of personal growth on her part. 

She notices, too, that Sakura and Rider are still holding onto both of his hands tightly. 

Shirou looks at her and manages to relax, slightly. There is a definite feeling of relief all around. The retrieval and the medical procedure phases of this endeavour have been completed. The rest will be up to Illya ... and Rin herself. She obviously didn't tell Professor Velvet about any of this, but now she is going to contact him -- not as her teacher, but as the representative for her _political ally_ \-- and call in that favour.  It is the least that Reines El-Melloi Archisorte owes her after all of her little games, and restoring her own Family's Crest. 

And she had better remember that.

Rider kisses Shirou's neck. Rin sees him flinch a bit and knows, from personal experience, that she used some teeth. She also doesn't fail to notice Sakura stroking Shirou's wrist with one finger. Rin nods at them. It's only fair, after all. She and Saber already had their turn back at the airport. Between all of the work he had been doing for her as her apprentice and assistant at the Clock Tower and their mission, Shirou has been away for a while. Once everything with Illya is settled, Shirou will eventually return to the Tower. She knows Shirou will never be able to use orthodox magecraft, but his knowledge of it has improved and will allow them to work together more effectively. And as long as he slowly and gradually, on the surface, improves his Tracing at the Tower ... he could possibly do even more. Just as long as no one figures out that he has a Reality Marble ... Rin doesn't really feel like mounting a rescue mission back to the Sealing Designate area, despite their current success. 

Saber and Rin exchange a knowing glance as Sakura and Rider lead Shirou away back to their rooms upstairs, to continue his ... prana sharing-duties. Sella gives Rin a grudging nod as she looks back at her and Illya. Rin even thinks that Leysritt is smiling at her. She sighs.

The rest of it, literally, is now up to time. 


	82. Chapter 82

It is the next day, after Illya's operation, and she hasn't woken up yet. They already checked. In the meantime, Rider and Sakura have been keeping Shirou busy.

If the boy thought his prana-sharing duties were over last night, he thought wrong. Rider tastes Sakura's essence on Shirou's cock as she inhales his throbbing length on her knees, one hand gripping his balls gently, but firmly given her natural strength. Sakura is kissing him, their tongues exploring each other's mouths. Rider can already feel Shirou's angular hips begin to buck. Sakura's hands tangle in her hair, stroking her head, as she pleasures her boyfriend. 

Shirou is close. Even if Rider couldn't smell it, she feels how hard he is getting down her throat. Certainly, her index finger stroking his prostate, isn't hindering this reaction at all. She moves in him a little more urgently, milking his balls with her other hand while cupping them. She feels them tense, and his member trembling in her mouth. Somehow, Shirou manages to moan and growl at the same time in Sakura's mouth as she squeals into his, touching herself where he had been for hours before that, when he hadn't been in Rider. Sakura holds him in place with her arms as he tenses up and squirts hot cum down Rider's greedy throat and lashing tongue. Then there is another surge of iron-tasting essence. And another. Rider feels Sakura's energy, mixed with Shirou's, passing into her, and into her core where it sits languidly and fills that voracious, emptiness for another time. She knows how gifted the boy is at making sustenance, and while she likes that food as well, she actually prefers the kind he generates ... naturally. Combined with her Master's flavour, Rider has to admit that she has done infinitely worse since her Island, and coming back into this world. 

After she removes him from her mouth, and her finger from inside of him, they lie down on the bed, helping Shirou lie down as well before his shaking legs give out from under him. 

"Wow ..." Shirou gasps, after a while, putting an arm over his eyes. "Rider ... that felt ... so ..."

Rider can still feel him shuddering, even as Sakura rubs his belly with one hand, feeling his abdominal muscles trembling. She smiles into his skin. "I told you you would like that."

"She did, Senpai." Sakura adds, helpfully, going to rest her head on his chest. "That wasn't so bad, huh? It's part of what helps you make your stuff anyway."

Shirou is still breathing hard as he lowers his forearm from his face, his face still somewhat red. "I know. I remember Health Class. It's just ... weird."

"Hm. After everything we've all gone through, that you've learned these past couple of years, _this_ is what's weird to you?" Rider can't help it. She chuckles. 

"Rider ..." Sakura chides. "Doing that can mean a lot of different things for a man, in this time ..."

Rider understands, to an extent. Back in her day, however, based on what she had seen sailors do from ancient Greece and all around the world when they ... visited her and her sisters, even at the Temple where she once served Athena, sexuality meant something else. Of course, it meant different things to other cultures, and in this modern age, this is no less true: especially in their current geographical residence. But nowadays, especially during the War, Rider still realizes that pleasure and hunger are still universals, whatever one chooses to dress them in. Sexuality, after a while, doesn't mean much, in the moment, when you are having a massive orgasm and you smell of pheromones and release.

"Yeah. I ... Wow. It felt ... weird too. I ... finished, but it was more like draining, and then there was ... more pressure and ... an explosion and more ..." Shirou groans again. "More finishing ... I can still feel it."

"You just ejaculated the first time." Rider informs him, stroking his hand. "Then you had an orgasm. And more ejaculate. Maybe a little of a cycle." She licks her lips. "I know you would appreciate it, boy." She looks at him. "They are two different things, you know. At least, they can be."

"Yeah." Sakura says, taking Shirou's other arm and circling it around her. "Build up and release are not always the same thing. Just like that difference where your body feels good and acts, but it feels better when your mind is with it too, no matter what you do ..."

Rider takes Sakura's hand with her free one. Shirou also holds her with the arm she draped around herself. She doesn't sense pain from Sakura, just a faint melancholy. It will always be with her. They were talking about two different things entirely. Sakura still smells of sex, from her own release of varying kinds before with providing Shirou with prana and her own essence. Still, Rider is glad she brought that tube of lubrication with her. Neither of them really needed it for Sakura or her, but for what she did Shirou, it was crucial. It's just one more thing she learned how to do to get prana more efficiently during the War without killing too many others. Sakura's scent, of sex and satisfaction, and that little bit of sadness that would never truly leave her, is mixed with another smell. It has been for a while. She has already talked with her about it. But the boy doesn't know yet, though it shouldn't surprise him too much all things considered. For the moment though, this morning, he needed to relax. He needs that release. 

"I should ..." Shirou starts to move. "Check on ..."

"Senpai." Sakura says. "Illya's just sleeping. We checked on her this morning. Sella said she would tell us if anything happens, or when she wakes up. She's fine."

"Still ..." Shirou hesitates. "I ..."

"She will be all right, boy." Rider tells him, smelling the anxiety returning to both of her bed mates, for different reasons. "You did well."

 _In more ways than one_ , Rider thinks to herself, looking at herself and particularly at Sakura. 

"Senpai, do you feel better?" Sakura asks.

"... yes." Shirou says, his tension lowering a bit. "Yes I do. Thank you ... thank you, both of you. I needed that."

"We both did, Senpai." Sakura says. Then she shifts and sits up.

This gets the boy's attention. "Sakura?" He is about to sit up as well, but she puts a hand on his chest. "Sakura, what's going on?"

Rider sees her Master huddle her knees under her chin. She is looking down. Her smell of fear hasn't gone away. _Sakura. You know the boy. You know he won't be angry._  

 _I know, Rider._ Sakura's thoughts are timid and sad. _And he needs to know._

 _He loves you._ Rider reminds her. _We both do._

Sakura looks down at Shirou, whose hand is on her own. Rider keeps reminding herself that for all the progress Sakura has made these past two years, she still has those scars. Those fears of rejection or retaliation. She and the boy have spent a lot of that time taking her down and reminding her of how incredible a person she is. How they both love her. When Rider told her she smelled different, and knew why, Sakura had burst into tears: afraid this might change everything. But Rider isn't threatened by this. 

 _"Anything you make, with your love, is beautiful."_ She told Sakura, as she held her a few weeks before Shirou was returning with Rin and Saber from the Clock Tower, worried about Shirou's survival on his retrieval mission, worried about this news ... " _And I will love it, as it is a part of you, and take care of it, as if it were my own ..."_

"Senpai." Sakura says, after a while. "I haven't had my ... my period in a while."

Shirou's eyes widen in concern. Now that Rider knows Shirou enough, she realizes he is coming to the wrong conclusion. "Are the ... the worms ..."

"No!" Then Sakura laughs. "No Senpai. They are long gone. I purged them all. But something else is growing inside of me now." She rubs her stomach. "Something ... something that could be wonderful ..."

Shirou looks up at her. Then, after a few moments, his mouth falls open. Rider actually sees Shirou turn pale. Sakura blanches. Then he gets up. He gets up and wraps his arms around her. Rider notices Shirou's shoulder beginning to shake, Sakura looks up at him, with tears in her eyes. And then Rider realizes that Shirou is crying. He is also laughing. There is a grin on his face, like the usual smiles of joy that he has, but somehow it's purer now. 

"Senpai ..." Sakura's voice drifts off in wonder and concern.

"The ..." He looks at her. "The first time ... when I was in that Fire. When ... jii-san rescued me, and I saw that look in his eyes ... I thought that was the happiest another person could feel. Being ... being saved ..." His breath hitches. "I wanted to feel that. And I did ... I did in ways I didn't think I could, with you. But this ... this is different. This feels so much different. And I am ..." His face twists through his tears. "I am so happy, Sakura." 

Rider smiles softly as Sakura's tension fades and joy blooms from her face. She and Shirou kiss. They embrace. A part of her is sad, that this is something between them now. Separate from her. A part wonders if she should leave them to this moment and come back later. But Sakura's hand is in hers, hearing her thoughts. _I remember what you said, Rider. And I hold you to it._

"I love you." Rider tells them, both of them, as they draw her into their embrace. "Do you want to know whether you have a boy, or a girl?"

Shirou looks up at her, dumbfounded. Silly boy. He keeps forgetting about her senses. She knows either way, she and they would love the child, but it is their choice. He looks at Sakura. She looks back at him, as they hold each other's hands, and she nods. "Yes, Rider." He says. "Please."

"You have a boy." Rider says, watching Sakura and Shirou somehow light up even more brightly than before. 

"A boy." Shirou says. "I have a son." The word, the idea of it, sink in. "I have ... I will have a son. Someone ... someone to call me jii-san ..."

"Father." Sakura corrects him, smiling. "You are going to be a good Father, Shirou."

"And you ... Sakura, you will make the best Mother _ever_." He grins. 

"I ..." Sakura blinks. "I thought of a name for him. I ..." She looks down. "I want to name him ... _Kariya_."

Shirou nods and smiles in understanding. "Yeah. Yeah, that's a good name. A good name for our son."

"Our son." Sakura repeats as they kiss again.

Rider holds them kissing them both, on their mouths, and on their heads. She knew Sakura, and on some level herself, had nothing to worry about. Of course, there are logistics to consider. And Shirou is probably going to hear ... more news before their time here is out. But it isn't her place to tell. Besides, right now, at this moment it is just the girl she loves, the boy she also loves, their unborn son, and their happiness. It is a whole other kind of Island to which Rider wants to live for the rest of her days. 


	83. Chapter 83

Saber rubs Rin's shoulders. "It's going to be all right, Rin."

"Heh." Rin replies, though Saber can feels her relax under her touch just a little bit. 

The two of them sit in their guest room in Illya's Castle. Saber made sure, that night after Illya's surgery, that Rin got some rest. Everyone had been on edge. The three of them, her, Rin, and Shirou had their time earlier at the airport -- and possibly a few other places besides. She is more than aware that they have much more to do now, even with the implantation of Illya's Crest. She didn't need it, but in her conversation with Rider over the phone from England, the other made it clear that there were only a few ways to ... calm Tohsaka Rin down. She and Rider still do not always get along, even now, but it is a far cry from the early days of the animosity between them. Perhaps having people they cared about, and loved, in common helped in more ways than one. As it is, she actually feels something of a mutual respect between herself and her enigmatic fellow Servant. 

"It isn't going according to plan." Rin murmurs. "I wanted to be in higher standing before anything like _this_ happened." 

"Rin." Saber feels herself take on a serious tone, that is at odds with the smile playing across her face. "As the former King of Knights, I can tell you just what happens to the best laid battle plans through personal experience."

"Stop being cute, Saber. Just for one second." Rin's lips quirk, despite her words, reaching over to take Saber's hand in her own. "I ... I know. We've talked about this. I have so much more work to do. I can ... still do it, granted. But I am ... dammit. I'm scared. There are so many unknowns ..."

"Do you regret it?" Saber asks, stroking her hand.

"No." Rin replies, almost immediately, her voice steel. "No. _This_ is happening. It is important to my Family, to _our_ Family, and to me." She looks behind her at Saber, who holds her from behind. Saber leans down and nuzzles her on the back of her neck with her cheek. "Stop ... stop acting like a lion cub ... it's tickling me ..."

Saber smiles into Rin's neck as the magus begins to giggle. She plants a kiss on her skin. "They are outside. And Shirou knows that I know." 

Rin sighs. "Well." She breathes out. "Let's get this over with, then."

Saber squeezes Rin's hand, gets up, and opens the door. She doesn't miss the set gaze of her girlfriend, or lover, and how her shoulders are squaring: as if preparing for the battle contingencies for which she did not plan. Sakura is glowing. Saber has no other words to describe it. Rider follows the two of them and the slight smile on her face, with her hand on her Master, and her other in Shirou's says enough. And Shirou ...

Shirou looks nervous too. And, as Rin grudgingly admitted, scared. Tenderness wells inside of Saber's heart at the sight, seeing that combination of elation and fear but that steadfast resolve still in those golden orbs of his. It is another reminder of just how strong her Master actually is, beyond magecraft, or social standing, or even martial skill. That mix of emotions behind his face and that earnest stare full of conviction would always earn her respect, never mind her absolute love. Rider and Sakura look at the two of them. Sakura gently, but firmly pushes Shirou forward after nodding to him. 

For a few moments, Saber can see something almost alien enter Rin's eyes. _Self-doubt ..._ Perhaps she is having second thoughts, now. But it's too late. And she knows that if there is one thing her two Masters share, it's that steadfastness and a pull towards blunt honesty. 

"Tohsaka ..." He says. "Saber. I ... Sakura told me some ... some wonderful news."

Rin looks up at him and smiles. Saber can see it is a genuine one. "Please, Shirou. Sit next to me, okay?" She pats a space on the bed where she is sitting.

Shirou looks at Saber, who nods towards him encouragingly. Shirou scrutinizes Rin's face for a few moments, before sitting next to her. Rider and Sakura sit down some chairs near a writing table, continuing to hold hands and watch them. 

"Rin ..." Shirou says, suddenly remembering to call her by her name. "I'm ..." He grins, the joy of it evaporating the anxiety that was there just moments before. "I'm going to be a Dad." 

Rin smiles and looks at Sakura and Rider. Sakura is beaming. Saber can tell that Rin envies the relief on her sister's face. But Rin is committed now. She can see it. Saber notices Sakura nodding encouragingly. "Yeah." Rin swallows, audibly. "Yeah." She puts her hand, slowly, and deliberately on her own belly. "You are."

It takes Shirou a few more moments. 

Saber sits down, on the other side of him, as the realization kicks in. Shirou's face grows slack. He looks at Rin. Rin is looking away from him now, her face darkened by the shadows of her long hair. For a few moments, even Saber feels ... scared. Slowly, Shirou blinks Then he reaches his hands over and places Rin's into his own. 

"Rin." He says. "Look at me."

"Baka ..." Rin sighs, but does not remove her hands. She's trembling a bit. Shirou's hands grow tighter on hers. "Remember, after we visited my parents ..." She looks up at him, her aquamarine eyes challenging. "You said you would take responsibility." 

Shirou swallows. Different colours seem to play on his face. Saber can practically feel the different emotions warring inside of him. He almost looks like he is going to burst. Even Rin sees this. "Shirou ... damn. Damn, I knew we should have ..."

"This is what we agreed to do." Sakura says, moving her chair over and putting her hands on Rin's knees, as her legs are swinging from sheer nervousness. "We were going to do this together."

"Of course I am going to take responsibility!" Shirou snaps suddenly. Saber sees the fire blazing in his eyes. "What kind of man do you think I'm ..." Then it finally dawns on him, as Sakura's words sink in. "You know ..." He whispers. He looks around the room at the rest of the women. "You all knew ..."

Rider doesn't say anything. Sakura begins to blush red. Spots of colour appear on Rin's cheeks. And Saber feels a pang of ... of shame. "Shirou." She says. "I ...  I know it's no excuse, but ..."

"How long?" Shirou murmurs. Then he looks at Sakura, and Rin. "How long did you know?"

"A few weeks." Sakura admits. "I'm sorry Senpai. We really wanted to tell you."

"I'm not." Rin says. "I'm not at all."

Shirou blinks, again. "What?"

"The last thing we needed, after getting the job done that we did." Rin says, poking Shirou's chest with one finger. "The last thing you needed getting the job done was getting distracted by ... by something like this!"

Shirou's jaw sets. "That was not your decision to make."

"Oh? It's my body, baka." Rin growls. " _Our_ bodies. And you did this to us. And I'll be damned if I was going to let your sentiment and cave man instincts getting you killed, or getting in the way of you saving your bratty, little sister. That was not going to be on me. Or any one of us!" She shakes her finger at him. "I am keeping this child. It is my child. And I was not going to be responsible for killing its father."

"It's _our_ child." Shirou reaffirms, his tone harsh and then, softening. "They ..." He looks back at Sakura and his cheek twitches. "Our children."

Saber can tell that tears are streaming down Shirou's face for at least the second time that day. Rin's are too. Saber understands some of those feelings. A part of her can tell that Rin is disappointed that this day cannot be completely hers. She and Sakura had agreed to let her tell Shirou first. If there had been any doubt in Saber's mind about Rin's love for her sister, of which she had none, it would have been gone at that point. But Sakura would have none of it. They had embraced and laughed like little girls at the news, before and even after talking about the very real challenges they would face. And then there is a part of Saber too, that feels a part from this, even as she feels apart of it, that envies them. Both of them. She remembers the daydream of the red-haired child and their emerald eyes. 

Rin grabs Shirou and kisses him. Hard. Their tears mingle together. Saber's half-hearted jealousy melts away at the sight, especially as Rin grabs her hand, and Shirou takes her into his embrace. 

"I ... I can't begin to tell you ..." Shirou begins shaking. "I ... I can't begin to tell you, how much I love you all. I hope ... I hope I will be a good Father. No." He says, correcting himself, and stares at them all with that same burning sense of certainty. "I _will_ be a good Father." 

"Damn right." Rin says, hiccuping in a way she would skewer Saber or anyone for saying that it was cute. "Or we'll kick your ass." 

Shirou kisses Sakura's forehead and holds Rin. Saber nods to herself. Shirou will make for an excellent Father. A strong, gentle one. Something stirs inside of her as she holds them, and watches them. She looks at Rider and the other nods. They will raise these children like their own. Logistics be damned, for the moment.

"There's ... there's so much to do." Shirou says. He lets go of them and begins pacing. "First, I need to tell Illya and ..." 

Rin coughs into the palm of her hand. "She already knows."

"... What?" 

"Senpai, we all talked about it." Sakura says, her voice gentle. "We told her before she went into the tube. We wanted to give her something to look forward to. She needs to live to be an aunt, after all."

"Aunt Illya." Rin scoffs. "Auntie Illya. The brat couldn't stop calling herself that. It was insufferable."

"Really ... Everyone knew but me?" Shirou's voice grows small. "Did you ... did you really not ... trust me?"

"Senpai!" Sakura gets up and hugs Shirou, burying her face in his chest. "No. That wasn't it. We love you. But this is a lot."

"Yeah." Rin adds. "It was not against you as a person but ... let me ask you something: would you have risked your life ... and did what you did, or been able to anything else without this weighing over you? Honestly?"

"I would have done what I had to do." Shirou says, shaking his head. "I could have taken that risk."

"But we could not risk you." Saber decides make her statement. They all turn to her. "You needed to be at your best. You have gone through so much, Shirou. Especially with your Reality Marble."

"And honestly?" Rin says. "We wanted to tell you this after the mission ... so that now it can begin to be about us." 

Saber can sympathize with Shirou, of course. A father does want to know if he has children: especially from those he loves. But a brother needed to save his sister, and if he had make that choice between them ... it was no choice at all, and Saber would rather fall on her own sword than make Shirou go through such an ordeal. The others had been unanimous about this as well. Shirou had suffered enough, and there is a time and place for such thing: like now. 

Shirou swallows again. His mouth forms into a rueful smile. "You are all going to be the death of me." 

"We're not." Rin says, smiling. "That is the point, you baka." She gets up and pokes him again, much to Saber's amusement. "You won't get out of your parenting duties that easily, Mister." 

Saber watches them laugh and Shirou shake his head. It's true. There is so much about ... all of this, that is unprecedented. Still, they hold each other begin talking, Saber feels -- deep in her heart -- that somehow this is all about to be all right. 


	84. Chapter 84

Illya wakes up. But something ... something is not right ...

"Illyas ... viel ... sam ... a?"

It doesn't make sense. She remembers awakening, vaguely being taken out of the tube of formula, and placed in Leysritt's arms onto a mattress in her Workshop. Then there was a glow and warmth. Then nothingness for a while. But her ... her Circuits, they had awakened too. She doesn't remember activating them. No. No, something began cycling on her back. The phenomena is focused specifically on the cross section of her back, which still feels tender and new. The Circuits there are opened. They are channeling into her other Circuits, throughout her entire body. 

"Ill ... y ... a ..."

Illya squints as she scrambles around, not being able to find purchase here in this slippery place. The light is blinding. She puts her hand over her eyes, but she can't still can't see properly. There are murky shapes. They are strange. Like something out of Plato's _Symposium_ that Rider read to her during her last convalescence, those large, multi-limbed giants that Zeus tore asunder with his lightning bolts for their arrogance, or slowly animated versions of Leonardo da Vinci's Vitruvian Man painting studied all the world over by mundane doctors and magi alike. 

And they are moving gradually, eternally, towards her. The light is absolutely blinding around them. Everywhere. Illya feels terror pumping through her blood. Has one of Rin's enemies found them? Sent curses after them? Has Sakura gone mad again and utilized her shadow familiars to kill them all: her Matou magecraft to trap them in another dimension to be ripped apart like those ancient, primordial beings that became separate halves of a once-greater whole, that sad, arrogant but bright race called humanity? No ... Illya shakes her head. None of this makes sense. Why would any of this happen? She was in her Workshop. The only time someone could get through was Sakura and Zolgen ... No ... Not into her sanctum here. That was before. When her onii-chan's Reality Marble failed and it caused space-time disruptions ...

Somehow, Illya knows this isn't the case, but it's closer. Closer to the answer. She can't think. Her head is throbbing. Her back burns with energy it has never felt before, called upon right when she woke up, her heart jolting her nervous system, her Magic Circuits ... 

"... is ... it ....?" 

One of the shapes looks around, left and right. She can see crimson after-images trailing after its limbs. Her arms move normally, as she dodges them, panic filling her, adrenaline pumping through her. Then, she looks down at her own body. She's moving normally. Everything else is flowing, grey and murky around her. But she is clear and normal. Except ... except _those red outlines of her limbs are trailing after her movements!_  

Illya screams, but she can't hear anything. What is going on ... what is going on ... She can't think. She can't ... remember ... The answer is on the tip of her fear. It's more than not wanting to die. It's the terror of being trapped wherever she is now, this place between wakefulness and sleep, life and death, with everything moving so slowly around her, and her the only living, breathing thing here, everlasting ... 

" _ **Unlimited Blade Works."**_

She feels herself jolt into a place with an amber sky and swords. The grey and blur disappears abruptly, replaced with the smell of earth, grass, and metal. 

Illya drifts like an elegant, delicate, large snowflake onto the ground ... before a second passes, and she dissolves, gravity shattering every bone in her body.

Illyasviel von Einzbern screams as reality threatens to tear her apart. 

_**"ILLYA!"** _

She feels herself violently coughing up something bitter and coppery, burning her lungs and esophagus, animalistic cries of agony drowned into moans. Belatedly, she realizes these noises are coming from what is left of her vocal cords. Someone is holding her, gingerly, but she can't focus on them through the incredible pain. She feels blood drip down her eyes and nose, out her mouth, even as something warm works in her abdomen and raw air reverses herself as her collapsed lungs come back together. 

"Oh god ... oh god Illya ..." 

"Shirou. Calm down ... Avalon will ..."

Illya feels Avalon repairing her body, her ruptured heart regenerating, her nerve endings skittering back to their previous state, her bones knitting back together. She's writhing on the ground. Strong hands hold her. She is in someone's arms. A worn, calloused hand brushes back her hair. 

"Illyasviel-sama. Shut off your Circuits. Shut them off. Please."

Illya gasps and focuses on Sella's voice. Someone grips her hand as she wills her Circuits to close. Then, it is just the warmth of Avalon, its familiar thrumming over the past two years replacing the existence that was pain for too many seconds, or minutes far too long. Then her gasps give way to sobbing. She can't help it. Illya is crying. She is shaking and crying. Someone ... no. Her mind is back now. She smells her onii-chan's sweat and body as he holds her. Rocking her. She clings to him for dear life. 

"Breathe, Illya." Shirou says, his own voice hoarse and shaky. "It's all right. We got you. I got you."

"O-onii-chan ..." Illya stutters. She manages, somehow, to open her eyes. Sella is right next to her, running diagnostic chants along her. But she knows Avalon has repaired most of the damage already. Saber is right next to her, holding her hand. Rin and Sakura are nearby, their faces drawn and pale: almost as white as Leysritt's flesh. Rider is standing too, her hand on Sakura. Then she blinks and the landscape of swords and blades is gone. They are back in her Workshop. She is lying on the floor. She sees Shirou is breathing hard, his skin soaked in sweat, his shirt plastered to his chest. She realizes what has happened.

"I activated the Crest." Illya moans. "So ... so stupid ..."

"A spell in the Crest." Sella says, ceasing her diagnostic after realizing her mistress will be all right. "Your system's adrenaline must have activated its Circuits ... We did know there might be a compatibility issue." She turns and glares at Rin. 

Rin glares right back at the homunculus. "You knew the risks. We hoped that Avalon would neutralize most of it." 

"Is. Illya. All. Right?" Leysritt crouches by her side.

"Yes." Illya sighs. "I'm fine Leysritt. I ... I am actually all right now." She looks down at herself. Aside from blood stains on her white gown, she feels whole. Avalon is still working inside of her. "Rin is right, Sella. We knew what we were meddling with. As much as possible." She grips Saber's hand and smiles up at Shirou. "Thank you." 

"I was ..." Shirou's voice catches in his throat. "I didn't know if what I did would work ... I didn't ..."

Illya raises a hand. She is amazed she can even do that. She pats Shirou's cheek. "Your Reality overwrote the Crest's spell. My Field. A shallow Bounded Field compared to yours ..." She coughs again, this time just feeling air pass. "It could have been stupid, but it ... it worked." She manages to chuckle. "We are quite a pair, onii-chan."

"What ... was that?" Sakura asks.

"She must have accelerated time." Rin replies, examining Illya for a few moments. "Her own personal time. Perhaps her body's temporal field on an internal level."

"We could have grabbed you." Saber admits, finally. "Rider or myself. But we might have hurt you ..."

"Or the velocity I was moving at would have hurt me against your gravity if you grabbed me." Illya breathes out, closing her eyes for a few moments, letting her new heart rate return to normal. "I figured you Servants could see me, out of everyone here. No ... onii-chan did what was best, all things considered."

A time acceleration spell. Is this what Kiritsugu used during his time as the Magus Killer? During the Fourth Grail War? She sees how he couldn't use its nth degree of power. Gaia reverts most alterations of nature, internal or external, back to its original state. She can't even imagine anyone using that Bounded Field at half the power. The burst blood vessels and cracked bones would be painful enough in their own right. And Illya had been placed in Shirou's Reality Marble, with its own rules and she still suffered immense damage. She could see Kiritsugu's plan now, in the War. He must have used Avalon to keep regenerating himself while using what he had cobbled together from his Family's magecraft to accelerate and stagnate his own body's time. But Avalon had done nothing against the sensations.

 _Papa ..._ She thinks to herself, both marveling and horrified. _How were you able to harness these spells from your Crest fragment? How could you even bear the pain?_

"I'm going to need time to figure out how to use this ... Crest properly." Illya admits, grudgingly. "I'm not in any danger right now. But I think ..." She feels the Crest, the new skin on her back. "I think I might know what to do next. Shirou ..." She looks up at her brother. "Can you ... can you stay with me? I need to sleep ..."

Sella returns. Illya didn't even realize she had been gone. "This medicine will keep you sedated. It is a stronger dose."

Illya nods and takes the cup, sipping the bitter tasting medicine. She lets her Circuits open again. She has to, otherwise the whole exercise in giving it to her would have been for nothing. It slowly reawakens and begins cycling, similar to what it would do if its owner were badly injured and it kept her alive, or so Rin had said earlier. As long as she is calm, with this added dose of medicine, she shouldn't have a panic attack and activate that power again. And besides, her onii-chan is nearby. He can find her. He has always been able to find her.

She finds herself clinging to him, feeling at peace, as the darkness takes her again. 


	85. Chapter 85

"We have to figure this out." Rin says, stretching her legs under the table, and holding her arms out over her head.

They all sit around Illya's dining table, _one_ of Illya's dining tables in the entire Castle, and Shirou feels just as lost as ever. It's almost a constant state for him now. He figures he should be used to it at this point, from the day his father saved him from the Fire and onward he has never known what fate was going to throw at him next. Sella stands by, with Leysritt gone off to supervise Bazett, who has been packing all the Thirteen Treasures of Britain -- some of them from Eire if one wanted her opinion -- extremely carefully back into Zelretch's hands. The homunculus maid has already, by just a glare, kept Rin from putting her feet on the table: yet again. 

"I can still supervise Fuyuki." Sakura tells them. "I've told Sister Caren about our child, and when I can't move as much I have Rider to be my eyes and ears, as well as Senpai when he is available."

"I'm sure she was excited on your behalf." Rin sighs. "But I also have a child to deal with ... I mean, we aren't at that stage yet where it's an issue, but someone needs to represent our interests at the Tower."

"Isn't that what Lord El-Melloi is for?" Illya looks bored, for which Shirou is thankful. After her mishap a few days ago, he had been utterly terrified that she would really hurt herself, or something else would go wrong. When he told Rin, she said something to the effect of "Now you know how it feels like." It wasn't entirely unsympathetic, but it still rubbed Shirou a little bit of a wrong way. When he argued, she asked him how he could argue with one of the mothers of his children ... and that shut him up fast. So, so fast. And, in way, it comes back to this meeting of their Alliance.

"He is there to provide advice and aid for me as a student." Rin replies a little more testily. "But Professor Velvet only represents his Family, such as it is. No, we need someone there when I ... well, can't be for a while. I would ... trust Nagato with any one of you, even you Illya."

"Wow, that was really kind of you to say Rin." Shirou doesn't even have to see Illya roll her eyes as he practically hears it in her tone. "It must have been hard."

 _Nagato_. Rin told Rider she didn't want any surprises, and it was only fair that if Sakura knew the sex of her child, that she did as well. Shirou thinks it is a fine name. Rin explained it, to an extent. He already knows that Nagato is the name of her ancestor, the founder of the Tohsaka Clan as a Family of magi, and the student of Zelretch: hence their relationship. She had contemplated naming their son after her own father, Tokiomi, but ... something stopped her. Shirou wasn't entirely sure. He wonders, even now, if it has something to do with Sakura. He never forgot that day in the graveyard when she spat on her biological father's grave, that anger and hurt in her eyes. Still can't imagine it. A father giving away his own daughter for the sake of tradition and ... to something like Zouken. He likes to think, like Rin, that Tokiomi didn't know. That the magus simply wanted equal training and a Crest for his other daughter: to not squander her potential. A better life for her than living in her old sister's shadow ... But it didn't sit right with him for a father to give away his own child. He thinks of his unborn sons, at that moment, and a fire burns in him that he never felt before. No way in hell was anyone going to take his children away from him. Not even their mothers. And they wouldn't. 

Rin told him, told ... them -- him and Sakura -- that she was giving their son that name because it was only fitting that as a new beginning in the Tohsaka Family chapter that the new generation remember the start of the old. As he said, Nagato is a fine name. And there is something very familiar about it. It has been some time, but he could have sworn he talked to someone with that name once, when he was particularly confused by his ... by his relationships, and he had been nothing but kind ...

As it is, Rin almost sticks out her tongue at Illya. "You're his Aunt. Damn right you will have your turn taking care of him. Or one of your maids anyway. But this is a delicate situation. I'm almost really annoyed that we both ..."

"That you both got pregnant at the same time?" Saber offers, eating some of the confections that Sella and Shirou had prepared for the meeting.

Rin gives her a look. "Thank you, Saber. That's exactly it." Then she turns and glares at Shirou.

Somehow, Shirou is holding up his hands. He doesn't know why, but he feels like he has to. "What?"

"You know exactly what you did." Rin says.

"Your hormones haven't changed _that_ much yet." Rider says. "Though, yes. I have to say the boy did have a part in it."

"Can we just ..." Illya shakes her head before Rin is about to shout at the Servant. "Can we please stay on topic instead of complaining about the sex my onii-chan has been having with both, if not all of you?"

"Yes." Shirou says quickly before this gets weirder than it already is. "I will do what I can to help at the Tower."

"Oh no." Rin points at him. "Oh no no no no no. See, that's not happening. First, you have the Magic Resistance of a glass bowl. Hypnosis still messes with you. And that doesn't even count for the fact that you can't lie worth a damn. Both of those things, at the Tower, especially after our ... stunt, are all good reasons for you not to be there unattended."

"What?" Shirou squints at her. "Then why did you bring me there to begin with ... aside from helping Illya?"

"I said you being _unattended_ is a bad idea." Rin chides. "And this doesn't even include if you get into a fight with a magus over some ethical or moral situation. I know you, Shirou. You know what we can be like, but it's one thing to know, and another to see it. Add politics to it, and it's not a question of whether or not you will die. It's a question of who kills you there, and how. And you gave me your baby, and you still have a responsibility to us."

"I'm sorry, Senpai." Sakura also says. "But Neesan is right. You are a good, honest man and we need you here. For ..."

"For you." Shirou nods. "For you and ... and my boys." It still feels alien to say those words, but also so right. "But what will we do about the Tower. You're a Brand now, Rin. That gives you some leeway."

"Not as much as you'd think." Rin says. "Zelretch, of course, offered his congratulations. Even before I knew ..." She shakes her head. "That damned vampire. He is getting nowhere near our children. Not for ... huh. I don't know if I ever want him to ..." She shakes her head. "This is temporary. I will go back there. I have plans to get through the hierarchy. Our son isn't going to be a baby forever, and he will need his Mother where she can help him when he's older."

Shirou takes a moment to marvel at Rin. She managed to achieve the rank of Brand in just two years. Of course, making one's own copy of Zelretch's Sword, even a weaker one, is an achievement in and of itself. But the work she had been doing with Magic Crests, that they had all contributed towards, made dividends. He already knows that Rin has been making a considerable amount of money and connections from her formula, along with the El-Melloi. Her patents have been accruing wealth as well. She has been slowly, meticulously, buying back her Family's land that had been mismanaged by Kotomine in her youth: restoring the territory of the Tohsaka Clan bit by bit. Those families and parties that hadn't been impressed with her money, or her favours, were gradually coming around due to their awe and possible fear of her ... shrewd bargaining skills. Shirou knows that being back home will not just be for the children's immediate well being, but for their future as well: in restoring everything her lineage had lost and making them all stronger for it. 

And Sakura is already learning to manage what they have. She has a far greater grasp of numbers, this time _real_ numbers, than even Shirou does. Between her magecraft, which has become quite formidable in its own right, and her reasonable but firm nature, Sakura is making their nest and keeping it safe. 

"I will go." Saber says. "Once Illya is adapting to her treatments, I can be there in your stead. I know I am not a magus myself, but I have backgrounds in politics and representation." 

"Hmm." Rin strokes her chin. "Yes. That does work, to an extent. And Shirou, no one knows about what happened at the Tower. If we did our jobs well, and I do mine, they never will. You are expected to be there. I've been working on some Mystic Codes that could help you with your resistance. And your own training should help too. But only if you stay with Saber."

"That is fair." Shirou says, eyeing Sakura in concern just in case this bothers her after everything they had just talked about. "Sakura ..."

"If Saber is with you, I am more comfortable with it." She tells him, smiling. 

"It goes without saying that I will protect Shirou with my life." Saber says.

"We will protect each other, Saber." Shirou amends. Saber smiles back at him. 

"And you will have Lord El-Melloi to be there to assist you." Rin offers. "I think, when we get to a certain point, you will find his Modern Magecraft classes useful. And Mineralogy. I've taught you everything I can."

"Modern Magecraft?" Shirou blinks. 

"It will help you understand the politics and the various social aspects of our society. But more than that ..." Rin continues. "There are other students there. Some are the next heirs to their houses ..."

"Rin ..." Shirou starts to sweat. "I am ... no good at that sort of thing ..."

"You won't be if you don't try." She wags her finger at him. "But you don't have to. You have this ... natural charm. God knows where you got it from. And you won't be there all the time. Aside from coming back here, you also have the business to take care of."

"We can only run your company without you for so long, onii-chan." Illya says.

Emiya Incorporated. That is what the women in his life are calling it now. That is what it's being called. Shirou's business has been doing well, making and selling blades and forged items to various customers. It helps that the Fujimuras are backing it, along with their other yazuka allies. Shirou just wanted a modest business, but his works have apparently been doing well on the market. What is also helping is the clout of the Einzbern through his sister and their resources. The Alliance of the Three Families have been collaborating with Shirou, making various Mystic Codes and formulae ... selling them to the highest bidders of magi society, and the Association ... and not just the Clock Tower. They are nothing powerful yet, and Shirou has made it a point to have the buyers vetted for their actions and morality before giving them anything. The Three as well are the same. Their more ... controversial items remain with them, for the moment: especially the original Crest reagent. Shirou is surprised that no one from the Moonlit World has tried to attack or sabotage them yet, giving his father's history with his last name. But they notice it ... and he suspects they know Emiya Inc., and he still doesn't know which of the Three decided to call it that or try to make him international, is a front for the Alliance. 

"And you can vet more potential buyers and ... collaborators." Rin draws out the last word slowly, deliberately. "We know that ... you're paying attention to the Enforcers, Shirou and the Moonlit World's going ons. We are going to need help."

Shirou's face flushes in embarrassment. "I ..."

"It's ok, Senpai." Sakura brushes his hand with her own. "It's part of who you are."

"It is a noble and worthy venture too." Saber adds. "You just need to remember that you are not alone."

It's true. Shirou has been listening to, and watching out for news of any further magical dangers in the world. And more besides. He can't do it alone anymore, it's true. He's not sure he ever could. And Archer, well, Archer was a nice cautionary tale in and of himself as to what happens when you follow a certain route for too long, and too far. But there's more to it than that. Shirou turns to Rin fully. "You want to see if I can teach others Tracing ..."

Rin shrugs. "I know most of your power comes from your Marble, but Projection, or Gradation Air is a branch of magecraft. If you really work hard at it, as a Specialist, you might be able to bridge that gap ... complete that branch as much as you can. Of course, you will need to pass it to our heirs, but you can develop it, and you are ..." She shakes her head. "Think about it like this. You are going to be among some prospective students. You are essentially getting some more knowledge and ranking, but also you can see who you can recruit among the Democratic or even Neutral Factions ... perhaps even some Aristocrats, though less likely. See who you can work with, who you can teach, and who ... to keep an eye on." Rin's eyes narrow. "One way, or another."

"And Professor Velvet will allow this?" Shirou asks, still processing all of this excess of information. 

"He knows you are my assistant and apprentice ... and consort." She makes that last word clear with emphasis. "And he also gets more out of it himself. He gets to add your expertise to his classes and his work. Besides ..." A slow, sly grin spreads across her face as she looks at Saber. "I have another idea as to how Saber might be able to help us ... with Professor Velvet."

Saber puts down her food, slowly. It seems as though she has learned to become as cautious about Rin's schemes as Shirou has. "What do you mean ..."

"Oh ... nothing nefarious." Rin waves a hand. "I just think ... well, sometimes _Gray_ might be too busy to attend some meetings with her Master ... and some information never hurts anyone."

Rin lets that sink in. Shirou doesn't completely understand. Nor does anyone else, except perhaps Saber, who looks a bit uncomfortable for a few moments.

"It isn't ... particularly ... honourable. But ..." Saber shakes her head. "Given where we are, it makes sense. As long as Waver doesn't mind it, I have no objections." 

Rin claps her hands together. Sakura looks like she is trying not to giggle and failing. "Good. I think we're done today. As far as anyone in the mundane is concerned, I have a relationship and an heir to an old Family to take care of. Sakura is pregnant with Shirou's child, and Emiya-kun himself will be attending some ... business networking courses and retreats as well as attending to Emiya Inc. overseas with his father's old business partner, Saber. Illya will manage the family business here ... and that should be it. For now." She turns to Shirou. "Where is the ice cream?"

"In the parlour." Shirou says, with some resignation. 

"Good." Rin says as she comes over and kisses him. "I love you."

"And I love you too." Sakura kisses Shirou after her sister. 

Saber grins. "I can't wait to have your ice cream again Shirou ..."

Illya puts a hand on Shirou's shoulder. "Onii-chan and I will join you all soon. Sella can show you the way."

Rin's eyes narrow again with suspicion. "Where are you going?"

"Nowhere." Illya says. "We are meeting Bazett. It's her last day and as a hostess I am obligated by the rules of guest-friendship to see her off with a gift."

"Wow ... That would be a first." Rin replies quietly.

"What?"

"I mean ..." Rin shakes her head before, after a time, saying what everyone else is thinking. "You went from wanting to kill her as one less potential witness to our plans, to wishing her well ... with a gift. Damn ..." Rin shakes her head. "Shirou, your sister is crazy."

"Well, you know what they saw about crazy and foxes." Illya says.

"For the last time, I am not a kitsun --" 

"The parlour is this way." Sella says without remorse, guiding the others away, leaving Shirou and Illya to themselves.

 "So ..." Shirou notices the item in Illya's hands for the first time, which she is slowly unwrapping.

"Yeah." Illya says. "How have you been doing, onii-chan?"

Shirou sighs and rests into his chair. "I'm ... I'm happy." He says after a time. "It's just, so much is happening all at once. And apparently." He gives her a pointed look. "Most of you know what's happening more than I do most of the time."

Illya giggles. "You know you'd have been distracted if you knew about your sons. Besides, it was good knowing I have nephews before I went into the tube ..."

"Wait ... you knew I was going to have sons ..." Shirou stops and shakes his head. "Goddamn it."

"I didn't want you to go."

There is a long pause. Shirou looks up and sees Illya playing with the wrapping around the item. "What?"

"I didn't want you to go." She repeats. "You have two sons. I was going to get you to stop. To stop all of it. I wasn't going to risk the life of my nephews' father. There's still a chance this won't even work ..."

"Illya." Shirou puts his hands on her shoulders. "That isn't your decision to make. Just like ... just like during the War. I'd never let you do something stupid like that. Like giving up."

"That's what Sakura said." The smile on Illya's face is meek, sad, and fond all at the same time when she looks up at him. "I told her that I was not going to be your damnation. She told me that the best thing I could do was let you try and do it. I know how hard it was ... you know, she's afraid. She told me that she's afraid that she won't be a good Mother, after everything the Makiri did to her ..."

"No ..." Shirou shakes his head. "No I don't think ..."

Illya laughs. "I told her that I would trust her more with a child than Rin. That she has a lot of love in her. Just like you, onii-chan. Your love is the power that makes you want to make sure that things like the Fire never happen again. It's what makes you want everyone to be happy. You want to share that. You ..." She smiles at him. "You've grown so much and that light is shining. I want to see it spread throughout the world."

"I don't know ..." Shirou rubs the back of his head. "I ... I just think I'm some glass. And I reflect all of you."

"Maybe?" Illya shakes her head. "Shirou. Thank you. Thank you for saving me." Her red eyes bore into his with the utmost sincerity. "Whatever has happened, and whatever will happen, you saved me. Don't ever forget that."

"I ..." Shirou opens his mouth and shuts it. There is really nothing to say. "Thank ... you, Illya. Thank you for being here."

Illya pats his leg. And then unwraps the item. "I think Bazett will like this."

Shirou sees a container. It has some preservative fluid in it. Floating within the crystal cylinder is ... an arm. Sigils like veins throb on it, almost like ... runes ... Shirou realizes what this, and what it means.

"We took some time growing it." Illya explains. "We had your puppet body to examine for a while, so I tried my hand at making a limb. My Family always created organs and had special healing procedures for them. There's some time before Zelretch calls her back. Nothing's ever going to heal the scars Kotomine left her, but I think she will appreciate being able to hold and fight with her Lancer again, wherever he is, with her own _two_ hands." 

Shirou is awestruck. "I ... is Leysritt bringing her here now?"

Illya nods. "I did want to kill her. But she helped you make those Phantasms. And you used them to save me. As a hostess, this is the least I could do. What do you think, onii-chan?"

Shirou looks at the arm growing in this small tank, and the girl ... no, the woman that crafted it. Who is holding it. He thinks about this small girl who tried to kill him, then take him, then talked to him and almost sacrificed her life for his. And now she's here and looking better than she had for a few years. He thinks about this mercy, this generosity, she's given a potential enemy she wouldn't have thought of killing twice once. He says the only thing that comes to mind before Leysritt and Bazett arrive.

"I think, Illya, that you are going to make a bad ass Aunt." 


	86. Chapter 86

Saber steps back into the tent, to take a closer look at the person she rescued.

Even after all this time, and everything she's been through, she still can't help but marvel at the resemblance. She took the other out of the armour, which had been pierced through by her lance. The fearsome visor and helmet that she had seen so many times at the Round Table, then during the Rebellion, and one last time on that hill is gone. Perhaps the other will be angry to discover that, but Saber somehow suspects that will be the least of where the real fury might go. 

She asked Rin not to join her. Not on this. Rin is a mother now, and she has her responsibilities.

Saber also has her own.

It's the least that the vampire owed her after all of her collaboration to help Rin give him all Thirteen Treasures of Britain. After he had thrown her through timeline after timeline seeing what could have happened to Britain without her presence the way it was. She may have prevented Rin -- and Shirou -- from addressing Zelretch on that front, but in no way did she forget. The Second Magician told her that she would have a few hours to herself here, in this particular timeline.

To be honest, Saber isn't sure why she requested this particular boon. Even though she had just assisted Rin, the Wizard Marshall did offer her payment of a kind despite this. This is it, though. This is her payment. Right here. Right now. 

Avalon glows in proximity to her, and the other's, presence as its healing power flows through the body of the latter. Saber shrugs off the terrible memory of Shirou implanting the sheathe inside of her as she lay wounded, corrupted by Angra Mainyu under Mount Enzou years ago, while hoping she hasn't left this for too long ... longer than she had in her own timeline ...

Longer than she already has for centuries. 

Zelretch didn't get Avalon. That was non-negotiable. It may have been a treasure of Britain, but it wasn't one of the Thirteen. And even though Illya has been doing well, without the sheathe now, the Noble Phantasm remains with Saber ... for herself, and for those that she wants to save. 

Like the figure lying on the ground, stripped of "his" visor and armour. 

A part of Saber wonders what the point to this even is. It is another timeline: a parallel world where the Battle of Camlann just ended. She already saw it as if it happened yesterday. It might as well have. In fact, she suspects it is still happening -- somewhere -- throughout various parts of the multiverse. This is how she is both still neither living, nor dead, how she still has one foot in the past and in the present ... and the impetus as to why she is here, right now, this very day.

Like many people who have regrets, which is the majority of that species called humanity, Saber realizes she has never truly left this moment. Save for this one alternate detour.

Even Zelretch, for every timeline he sent her to in her quest for him, had been somewhat surprised that she chose this particular plane and time on her own volition. But Saber knows that, whatever happens next, she can handle it. And it is only right. A part of her reassures Rin and Shirou through their bond that she is all right, if they can still sense her this far away, as she takes back Avalon and sheathes her sword back within it. According to their studies back home, it could be possible for Avalon's properties to make her body function like a normal human's again, perhaps to even help her create a child within herself. 

But first, she had to use it save her previous child.

Mordred shifts on the ground. The other, her space smeared in blood, somehow looked peaceful in death: perhaps with the solace that she never felt in her entire life. Saber sits down across from her, placing her sheathed sword in front of her crossed legs and waits. Mordred groans, and puts a hand on her chest, noticing her armour and her mortal wound are no longer there. Then she blinks, her green eyes matching Saber's, as she sees her. "Father" and "son" regard one another for what seems to be an eternity in that tent. Mordred looks down at Excalibur sheathed in Avalon, but doesn't react beyond that. Her eyes glitter with, what Saber seems to perceive as, warring emotions. Saber can feel her own heart beating fast, not unlike with the adrenaline of a coming battle, but different in the feeling of fear and dread at this moment. She breathes out, slowly. 

"So." Mordred says, after a time, her voice a somewhat harsher version of Saber's own. "You got your sheathe back."

Saber slowly nods. "Yes. My sister kept it from me for a very long time."

"I always thought Mother was a coward." Mordred growls. "Still, with it I wouldn't have ..." Her eyes burn with anger. "I would have found a way. I didn't need her. I never did." She looks down and flexes her sword arm, the same arm Saber remembers cut her down with the curse that Morgana must have implanted into her child's very being after her death. Then she looks up. "So ... I lost."

Saber looks down. "We both lost, Mordred."

"Then ..." Mordred's fist clench at her sides. "Then why ... why _this_?" Her voice rises. "Why _heal_ me? Why bring me back from the dead?" Fury roars through the other's tone like the Dragon Core they both share as parent and child. "Is it to gloat? Or to imprison me? Make me an example to what's left of the Kingdom? To show people the price of _Treachery_?" 

It is so hard for Saber to look at her child in the eye. But she owes it to her, if nothing else. "You know me better than that, Mordred. Even after everything."

"Pah! It's true, _Father_." She spits out. "I expected that same weakness for Lancelot and that cheating bitch Guinevere, but for me? Your tainted bastard? You are either more vindictive than I thought, or an utter fool." She looks around. "No sentries. No guards. No one for the execution?" She looks back to her. "Just us."

"Just us." Saber says. 

It's true. There are few of the other Knights left in any case. Sir Bedivere has already taken away her alternate self, in this timeline, to die against a tree trunk while returning her sword to the Vivian the Lady of the Lake. No one knows they are here. No one even bothered to find Mordred, or knew what she looked like without her armour. 

"I could take that sword from you." Mordred taunts. "I could take it and the sheathe and end you. Right here. Right now. I feel better than I have in ages. Then I would be the King you could never be. I could win, and then ... your death, if nothing else, would acknowledge my right as your heir."

Saber nods. "You could do that, Mordred. You could try to take my sword, right now. We could continue fighting, like we did. Like we have. Like we always have. But before that happens, I just want to tell you something."

"What?" Mordred sneers. "What could you possibly tell me, after everything you've done, that I've done, with the death of Camelot itself ... what can you even say to ... to _any_ of this?"

Saber swallows, but doesn't waver. "A thousand years from now or so, the tale of the Fisher King becomes my story." 

Mordred blinks. "And what does ... that have to with anything, _Father_?" 

"I read about it ..." Saber did gain that knowledge from the Throne of Heroes, if nothing else. And she had opportunity to borrow some books from Rider. "An immortal King that represents Britain. One of my Knights, according to one account, encountered him and didn't bother to help him. As a result. Britain, which the King represented, remained wounded, damaged ... it never healed. Its glory was never the same."

"Because of the wound I left you?" Mordred chuckles mirthlessly. "Because of the curse Mother put into me? Good. Good. I'm glad. I'm glad I destroyed your dream. I'm glad I tainted even the memory of it. Because everyone and everything was more important, more pure than a disgusting homunculus me --"

"I was always damaged." Saber says. And Mordred suddenly grows silent. "I ..." She closes her eyes. "I sacrificed my ... my humanity to become immortal. Ageless. First, because of Caliburn. And then ... Avalon. I wanted to become a symbol for Britain. For Camelot. I wanted to be perfect. I _needed_ to be perfect. But I wasn't, Mordred." Saber opens her eyes, and feels them watering. "I wasn't perfect at all."

"Of course you were ..." Mordred snarls back. "You ... you are King Arthur of Britain. Ruler of Camelot. Founder of the Knights of the Round Table. The people came to you for rule of law and equity. They ... we rebelled because you were too perfect. Inhuman. Cold. Condescending. No one ... no one could relate to you ..."

"And they are all flaws in themselves." Saber replies. "But that's ... that's not why I am flawed. They become hypocrisies. They are hypocrisies because, truthfully, I was still ... I am still a human being. And I ... I wanted to become something more so that no one else, no one had to take on this burden. So no one had to ... had to ... suffer ..."

"W-what are you ..." Mordred looks at her. Saber actually feels her truly _looking_ at her. "There is something different about you, Father ..."

"Yes." Saber says, breathing out, finding her breath shallow and shaky. "I had a long time to think about what I did. How it all came to ... to this. I threw away my humanity. My ... my empathy ... But I could still _feel_ , Mordred. I ... I was angry. I was angry that your Mother ... my own sister _violated_ me. I was furious that she had raised you in secret, knowing she was using you to hurt me. She always wanted to hurt me. And ... just knowing, now, that she didn't care about you. You were just a tool to her. We all were. But you most of all ..."

For the first time since Saber knew her, she actually sees another emotion form in Mordred's eyes. Fear. "S-stop ..."

Saber gets up. Mordred stands up as well, quickly. Neither of them reach for the sword on the ground. "I didn't have an heir because of, well ... you know why." Saber points down at herself. "And I was secretly glad, then, that I didn't. Because he would never, ever, have to take on this mantle. This burden ..." Tears start flowing down Saber's eyes. "Mordred ... that day, all those days, that ... last day when we fought I told you the truth. I never hated you. Ever. But you would have made a terrible King from ... from my perspective. Because ... you feel too much and this ..." She gestures at herself and the sword. "This was a cold, perfect hell that I would not wish on anyone else. Especially not you."

Mordred turns pale. "What are you ..."

"Mordred ..." Saber doesn't even bother to try to stop the tears, or the pain she is feeling. "All my life, and after it, I held a wound. And I didn't know what it was. But it was denying myself my humanity. And it was denying you. As part of it. After I ... I was gone, I made a deal with the World to return and undo ... undo everything I did. But it was all for a lie. Just like the lies your Mother told you. And I gave into that darkness. I gave into the hatred. I wanted to destroy everything, to make everything pay for the meaningless sacrifice of making other people happy over my own sense of happiness. And I made people suffer because of it. Because of my selfishness.

"And that was when I understood. When I finally realized why you did all of these things. We both destroyed Camelot because we both tried to be perfect: me for my people, and you for ... for me. For the idea of me." Saber chuckles through her tears. "I sound so arrogant when I say it out loud. And I was. You thought ... I was rejecting you, personally. I didn't know what to even do with you. You were a fine Knight and an excellent warrior. You carried out the mandate of the Round Table well before ... before all of this ... And I just ... I just wanted you to know, as my child ... that I am sorry. I am so sorry for what I did to you."

Mordred just stands there. Saber looks down. She's sobbing. She can't stop it. This whole time. She's carried this around this whole time. And she didn't even realize how badly it hurt her, the bitter poison, the festering venom, in the Land, the eternal wound in the immortal body of the Fisher King ... 

"We ..." She starts. "We can continue our duel if this doesn't ... this pithy statement doesn't suffice ..."

"All my life." Mordred says. Saber looks up again. The other Knight's shoulders are slumped. The fire in her eyes has gone out. Mordred looks exhausted. "All my life I looked up to you. All my life I wanted to be like you, Father." She sighs. "I wanted you to notice me. To be proud of me. To acknowledge ..." She laughs. It is a bitter, sad sound. "Undoing all of this? How typical. Your perfectionism coming into play. It would have solved nothing. I am proud of my power because of you and Mother. _Despite_ the both of you. I don't ... huh. I don't regret any of it. Well ... actually ..." She looks at Saber directly. "I realize it now. Why I wanted to be King. It wasn't to get my chance or prove that I was your heir. That I was better than you. No ..."

Mordred shakes her head. "No. On the Round Table I saw it. I saw how unhappy you were. How you tried to hide it. And I ... I thought that if you had someone to help you, to take up the burden, this ... King's pain ... maybe ..." Her eyes grow faraway. "Maybe I could have made you happy ..." 

Parent and child are quiet again. Saber doesn't even know what to say. It's more than either of them have ever told each other before. Mordred wipes at her eyes. Then again. She is trembling. Saber doesn't know what to do. She doesn't know if she has the right to ask herself what to do. They are both adults. They made their decisions. Her heart aches for Mordred even more now. 

"Father ..."

"Yes ... son ..."

Mordred almost flinches at that reply. "Are you ... where you are now ... in all those realms, like the Reverse Side of the World that Merlin went on about ... before he slept with the wrong Lady ... did you find happiness?"

Saber thinks about Rin. And Shirou. About Illya. She thinks about the friendliness she now has with Sakura, and even the grudging respect with Rider. She considers all the adventures she's had with Rin, and Shirou. And their children. And what the future will bring. And it really hits her. It finally occurs to her.

"Yes." She smiles. "Yes. I think ... I think I am."

"... good." Mordred gasps out, a little more curtly than she probably expected. "I'm glad. I'm glad you don't have this burden anymore."

"I hope ... I hope you won't either, Mordred." Saber says.

"Is that why ... is that why you brought me back to life?" Mordred says. "To atone?"

"No." Saber replies. "It's because ... Morgana gave you existence. But, just for once, as your Father I wanted to give you another chance ... to live."

"What will I ..." Mordred shakes her head. "I am known as a traitor. And kin-slayer. What ... kind of life can I have now? I won't ... I can't even live that long ..."

"That is up to you, Mordred." Saber says. "It is your life now, here. Not your Mother's. Not the Kingdom's. Not mine. Just yours."

Mordred takes a shaky, long breath. "Then ... that's what I want you to do too, Father." She looks hard at Saber. "If I have to live .. according to one of your ridiculous, sublime notions of justice. So do you." She breathes out. "Live, Father. And ... if you have any more children ... don't screw it up this time around."

"I won't." Saber says. "I swear it, Mordred." 

Mordred nods. "Good."

"I have ... gathered some provisions and equipment for you. Some funds as well." Saber says. "It may not be much but ..."

"I will take the armour and weapons, but nothing more." Mordred replies.

"But, Mordred ..."

"I can make my own way." Mordred says. "I will _earn_ my way. One way or another." She flexes her arm, and then her other one. "I think ... I need to go now ..."

Saber swallows. "I understand. You will take the horse and provisions at least?"

"That much is practical." Mordred nods. "I ..." She sighs. "I won't see you again, will I."

"... no." Saber says. "This ..."

"Spare me the magic lessons. Those are between you, Merlin, and my Mother." Mordred mutters. "Please ... look up at me. Father."

Saber does it. Green eyes regard green eyes. 

"I ..." Mordred bows her head, clasping her arm and fist to her chest. "Goodbye, Father."

Saber manages to smile. She nods. "Goodbye .... Sir Mordred Pendragon. My son ..."

Mordred actually smiles in return. A smile without bitterness or hatred or pain. It is a beautiful smile. Saber wonders if this is what Rin and Shirou are always vying to see, or cause whenever they spend time together. Perhaps she can understand that a little more now. Mordred walks out of the tent. She hears her gather the horse's reins and the supplies. Then the hooves hit the ground soil and become distant. Saber stays in the tent where her child used to be. Maybe this doesn't make up for anything. It is just one timeline. Mordred still died. Mordred in other worlds still hates her. Or maybe she never died. Certainly, in other places they never talked. Not like this. Maybe this is all the result of pure wish fulfillment: the source of the Grail Wars. Maybe it is pure selfishness. 

All Saber can say, when the rift returns, to bring her home to her loved ones is that perhaps -- whatever else can happen -- her burden is lesser now. Her wound hurts less. Perhaps, now, it can finally begin to heal. 


	87. Chapter 87

"Seriously, you can go now. Stop bothering the servers."

Shirou watches as the others, blocking his way to the table at the cafe, look at the sole figure sitting there. Their wolf-like heads sniff the air, their red eyes narrowing at him, and the old-fashioned upholstery around them before prowling away, growling silently to themselves. The waiter, a small neotenous feline in server's attire, inches back to the table. For a few moments, Shirou can't really see the patron. He's just a black outline that is somehow, despite this, all the more familiar for it. Then he blinks and sees ... someone just as familiar waiting there for him. 

He looks down at himself, wondering if this the Copenhagen for a few moments, before realizing he is not wearing his apron and this place is higher class than the Western style cafe pub hybrid he worked at years ago, though it feels just like yesterday. The patron waves him over. "Hey, sorry about that. I've ordered us the usual. Thank you."

Shirou bows to the server, who in response smiles a feline smile worthy of a Tohsaka, before scuttling away. He pulls up a chair at the booth and sits down across from his acquaintance: who looks just like him. Well, that is not entirely accurate. Shirou's dining companion would practically be his twin: if Shirou had black hair, tanned skin, and a waist cloth and bandanna that looked like they were torn from Archer's or Kotomine's tattered Shrouds, or one of Rin's skirts. The glyphs all over his face, arms, and torso -- his whole body -- are familiar though. It looks like he has just come from practice with Illya, Rin, and the others in actualizing the Bounded Field spells to manifest his Reality Marble this time around. 

"It's been a while, hasn't it." Shirou's darker twin says, swirling around a glass of water in one heavily tattooed hand. 

"Yeah." Shirou replies, taking a sip of his own water. "I'm sorry about that."

"No worries." The other sighs. "I guess, it makes sense that we don't spend as much time together anymore, all things considered."

Shirou nods. Come to think of it, it has been some year -- accumulated or otherwise -- since he actually managed to summon his Reality Marble and continue his training. He just doesn't have the heart to tell his acquaintance this: as he looks like he is still in the middle of something, or perhaps finishing something off altogether. It just feels like bad manners no matter what way he looks at it, and somehow he just doesn't want to rub it in. The other seems to have gone through enough as it is. 

Still, Shirou feels somewhat obligated to say something. "I've been swamped with work."

The other nods, his brown eyes glinting amber in the dim light of the cafe. "I know how it is. Having to carry around all those ... obligations. I've tried to work them off myself."

"It can be hard." Shirou finds himself commiserating. "Even now, after everything ..."

"I hear you." The other takes another sip of water. "I'll tell you, I resented them for a very long time."

Shirou nods. "Yeah. I might have done the same. Once ..." He shakes his head, wondering if that was true, or if he was thinking of somebody else. 

"It was hard, you know." The other says, rubbing one hand against his rune-etched temple under his crimson bandanna. "I never asked for this. For these duties. To even be _born_. I don't think, well, either of us did in the end. Just ordinary kids, having normal lives, and then ... well ..." He chuckles. It is a sad but resigned sound. "Eh. What can you do? I guess it's just hard to make everyone happy when they never really knew what they wanted, and they still don't to this very day."

"You can't please everyone." Shirou responds. Then he listens to himself again, to what he just said, and starts chuckling as well. "Damn. You know me, I am such a hypocrite."

"I do know you." The young man's eyes glitter, but then he shrugs his bare shoulders. "It didn't stop us from trying, though. Then again, I can tell you never really stopped."

"I have ..." Shirou tries to find the right words. "I guess you can say I have different priorities now."

"I'll say." The other laughs. "Still, you still want to help people. There's nothing bad about that, in and of itself. We've talked about it."

"I know we have ..." Shirou's thoughts drift in the cozy atmosphere of the cafe. "It's just been ... so long ..."

They sit there in silence, somewhat awkward, yet also a bit companionable. Shirou tries to break the awkwardness just a little bit. "How is your work coming?"

"Still like Sisyphus, really." The other sighs, resting his chin on his hands, his elbows on the polished wooden table. "It never seems to end, to be honest."

"I'm sure it will be over soon." Shirou says, trying to be kind.

"Maybe." His twin replies, looking thoughtful. He shakes his head. "So you're on the track of pleasing just a few people now. Maybe even yourself too?"

"... yeah." Shirou admits, his face flushing. "It's funny." Usually, Shirou doesn't find himself being all that frank with anyone beyond his little family, and even that had taken some time and effort. It still does. He's told it is a natural part of personal growth. "You resented the burden you took on, if I remember right, and I ... may have been angry at myself for not being able to carry out the one I accepted. Sometimes, even now, I still don't think I'm good enough, or worthy of it. But I have to be. Kari and Nagi ... my sons." He smiles at that. "I have to be good enough for them. And my wives." He is strangely self-conscious about saying that. He is proud of them, and what he has built with them. "And Illya-chan."

"How is Illyasviel?" The other asks. "It's been a long time since I've seen her, or ... Sakura was it?"

"They are both fine." Shirou smiles. "Illya's taken to living with us more after her medical treatments went well ..." When she isn't mooching off of Taiga and her grandfather. Fuji-nee knows how it's like now. "And Sakura is happy with the children, and Rider, and ... us ..."

"I'm glad to hear it. I'm ... really sorry about the misunderstanding I had with your wife. And your sister." The other looks sad. "I knew her Mom and your Dad, and I ... I don't know. I was lonely, and I thought they could help me ... You do stupid things when you're lonely, and you don't think you have anyone but the World: and it's always against you ..."

"It's all right." Shirou says, waving the other off. "That's all in the past now. I think we're all just glad that it's over. Water under the mountain ... So." Shirou leans in a bit, the din of conversations around them getting a little distracting. He has forgotten about the server and their food. "Are you still lonely? Is there ... anyone special in your life?"

"Hmm." His darker twin plays with a fork. "Well ... there was a one-armed Irish woman ... and a priestess." He looks down at himself. "I might be wearing a Shroud she gave me."

Two ladies. Well, given Shirou's love life these days and everything he has been through, he is definitely not one to judge. But ... "A priestess? Really?"

The other laughs. "Oh, you already know her. She is not _that_ kind of priestess, trust me." He leans back in his chair, his arms folded behind his head. "Like her father, but far more fun. We bring out the worst in each other, in a good way. And you know what they say about one-handed women ..."

"Err ... what do they say?"

"Wow. Still a little dense aren't you, but ... never mind. Huh. Evening already. We have less time than I thought." Sure enough the lights begin to dim around them. "Ever since _she_ closed the Gate, it's been harder to talk."

"You mean my sister?" Shirou asks.

"Nah." The other says. "You know _her_. Or at least, you will. And you might even remember this time. So anyway ... you're going on a mission huh? A new one."

"Yeah." Shirou replies. 

"Are you going to rescue more kids?"

"I am." Shirou says. He doesn't say that he will try, or that he will attempt to do so. He will. 

The other nods. "Good. We know how it is. I mean, we had those obligations foisted right on us. And we both had to live, literally, _live_ with them. At least, this time, you got a family out of the deal."

"Yeah." Shirou smiles again. "I don't know what I would have done without them being there for me."

"I think you do." The other says.

Shirou pauses, and then finds himself nodding. "Yeah. I have some idea."

"It's a good thing, what you're doing, you know." The other says, rising slowly to his feet. "Maybe, because of you those kids can live for something better than we did."

"I don't know." Shirou says, also getting to his feet. "I just hope that the kids I save, the people I rescue, will live for themselves." 

"You _wish_." The other winks one amber eye at him, before holding out his hand. "We probably won't see each other again. But it has been nice talking with someone who, gets it. We didn't always agree and we had our ... well, our issues, but it has literally been a blast."

Shirou has no hard feelings. He takes the other's tattooed hand, and shakes it firmly. "It's strange to say goodbye. I feel like I've known you my whole life. Or the parts of it I remember."

"I get that a lot." Shirou's dark-skinned twin chuckles. "I better get back with the boys, before they get restless and all. Please try not to die again. It'd be kind of a waste after everything."

"I won't. Even if I get killed." The two of them laugh. "Hey." He says to the other's darkening form as he retreats away from the table. "I wish you well." 

The other laughs, a dark outline now. "Now,  _that_ , is hilarious ..."   
  
......

Shirou starts awake. He is in his Workshop, in the storage shed again. As he wipes the drool off the side of his face from the table he had been resting his arms and head on, it occurs to him that Sakura and Rider are going to kill him for staying out here so late, assuming that Rin and Saber also don't join in on the punitive fun. This is especially true given the nature of his upcoming mission. 

It's not as dangerous as the others, but there is always a level of risk involved. He sighs as he puts away his tools, some into drawers and others dematerialized back into his Reality Marble. There is some spilled oil on the table from where he was greasing a metal component. He takes a rag and is about to wipe it down, when he notices its colour. It's red. 

The colour reminds him of something. But, for the life of him, Shirou can't remember. He shrugs. It's time for him to go to bed, properly, after a good explanation to the others. He can already hear Sakura's and Saber's thoughts in the back of his mind, preparing him for that near eventuality. He gets up, opens the shed door, and locks it behind him. The red rag is left on his worktable, in the dark, it and the spill forgotten. 


	88. Chapter 88

Shirou isn't sure how it got to this point.

No, he knows how he got here: to this stronghold. He may not be a Brand like Rin, and he knows he will never be -- never mind rank higher than such -- but it has been four years and, finally, Shirou has attained the recognition of being a Specialist. After that, and their children being a little older -- and watched by Sakura and Rider -- Shirou left his official apprenticeship under Rin. He still feels the Azoth dagger, created by their mutual efforts, at his side: the only blade he has not placed into his Unlimited Blade Works. This, and the pendant, now filled with Rin's mana thanks to the usage of her Jeweled Sword, are the only Mystic Codes he allows himself: the latter only for emergencies. 

He hopes it won't come to that here.

It doesn't seem like that will be a danger, however. He doesn't sense magecraft anywhere, even after neutralizing the guards: and they only had basic firearms. Shirou turns to his team. 

This is what he calls them. His team. After completing his essential duties to Rin, often representing her as she spent time with their sons -- when Saber didn't relieve him too in order to do the same -- Shirou took up Freelancing Enforcer work. Technically, he is still with the Clock Tower and recognized at his Specialist role. The nobles and members of the organization, along with its other branches -- at least those that are discerning -- know that he is involved with the creation of various Mystic Codes and even formula from the Alliance. A few more even suspect his relationship with Rin as his consort. But officially, while registered as part of the Association, it has been made clear that he operates independently. 

It doesn't mean, even as a Freelancer Enforcer, that he hasn't taken advantage of his connections. In fact, as Shirou has found out in a variety of his own ventures, having connections and allies as a Freelancer is integral to a modicum of success, if not outright survival. Of course, there are legitimate reasons why he couldn't join the Enforcers -- the Sealing Designate Enforcers -- but he does not begrudge them their help, if it suits him. This is not often, however. If anything, he tends to cooperate more with Church Executors, a fact that amuses him given that the first Executor he ever met had been a treacherous psychopath. Usually, though, Shirou and his ... team, only ally with the Church when they are going to kill a Dead Apostle. In that situation, Shirou doesn't bother to spare any of the creatures. He knows that it is a rare situation for a Dead Apostle or a vampire to be particularly friendly or something close to benevolent. He knows about the exceptions, of course, Zelretch being one, but they either work with the Association or the Church ... or stay away from everyone else in general, and usually they are already Ancestors and know the score.

No, in the beginning Shirou learned about the worst heretics and Apostles through Lord El-Melloi II's connections with the Enforcers. He made it a point to attempt to neutralize these threats from the Moonlit World before the Association could get to them. But, it didn't take him long to realize he couldn't do it by himself, even with his skills. 

It started with Saber, who insisted on accompanying him. Sometimes, Rin came along as well. Even Luvia sometimes accompanied him, his interest often a bounty she wanted to prove herself against or retrieve in some form for her Family. For Shirou, it has never been about the money or the favours. He knows that the Association only cares if the heretics or threats can potentially reveal the Moonlit World -- specifically magecraft -- to the rest of the world: and if there is research they can gain from neutralizing such threats. The Church itself does seem to care about the world, but will use every ruthless method to purge what they think is heresy off the face of existence for the greater good of God and humanity. 

Shirou knows, first-hand, that the first casualties are always the mundane people of the world: always the ones that don't know about magic or the supernatural. He wants to minimize as many of those deaths, or maimings as possible. 

He agreed to Rin and Lord El-Melloi's suggestions to get to know the magi of the latter's classes. It started as a few hunts. Often, other Enforcers dealt with the prey and Shirou and the students ended up playing clean up: destroying Ghouls and Dead -- if they existed -- as well other rogue constructs. Most of the time, Shirou insisted they use hypnotism on those victims that were not compromised. A lot of the more ambitious students left after that, not wanting to play clean-up for what they already considered to be lowly Enforcer janitorial duty. 

But a few of the students stayed. These are the low born, the magi of only one or two generations, or those whose bloodlines had waned. After he officially left the Clock Tower proper, and began to supervise his company and its business interests, a few of these students came to him. He's pretty sure that Rin let them into the Fuyuki territory. They wanted to know more about Projection. About Tracing. 

"Sensei." Shirou's hears the voice of one of his team through his ear bud. "We can't sense any magical energy. Do we proceed?"

"Yes." Shirou says, mentally sighing at the title. He did not set out to become a teacher, of all things, especially not in a situation like this. Nevertheless, something prompts him to add. "Remember the Seven Steps."

"Yes. Concept. Foundation. Trace on."

Shirou hears the whispers of the others repeating those words. It is so strange, even now, to hear his own personal words, his trigger phrases, repeated back to him through so many voices. Most of the others already knew Reinforcement before they met him. Shirou himself credits his level of Reinforcement to the arm he used to wear, but its refinement came from Rin's training in particular. 

"Trace. On." Shirou repeats. "Arms, forearms, and legs. Protect your heads. All other vital points. Incapacitate if possible. Kill, on last resort."

"Understood Sensei."

"Emiya's Alliance out."

Shirou tries not to wince at the multiple, quiet declarations. He's not sure when they started calling their team ... even if it is a part of a larger one ... after him. He understands that few people can Project as quickly, or as efficiently, as he can. He just does what he has to. He suspects Rin told them to call themselves that, as some kind of joke, during their remedials with her at one of their training grounds in Japan. Maybe one of them overheard Rider saying something snide about them all -- all of them, including his Family -- being part of the "Emiya Clan," and followed suit with it. It is also possible, in the back of his mind, that one of the others saw him Tracing more than he usually did against a heretic or an Apostle, and the ... stories started from there. Not enough to get him a Sealing Designation, especially with the clout Rin was building with the El-Melloi and other Clans, but enough for the team to adopt that embarrassing moniker. 

He remembers getting no pity from Lord El-Melloi II when he complained last. Perhaps that man had something to do with it ...

Shirou pushes those thoughts aside, repeating "Trace On" and seeing the arrow leave his mental bow ... taking all of his emotions with it, save cold determination. They come into the inner sanctum of the stronghold. Shirou Traces Kanshou and Bakuya quickly, swiftly, and leaps past two more guards. The blades slice through their helmets, even as he reverses their grips and brings the pummels down on their skulls. 

It is strange. According to El-Melloi II's information, taken from the lowest priorities of the Enforcers, mothers and children had been disappearing en masse in this region for some time. It could have been a heretical magus or an Apostle, but so far there is nothing to indicate that.

"Sensei. There are cells here. Small. I think this is where the children were kept."

Shirou manages to shunt away any other feelings. "Status?"

"Unoccupied. I think they know we are here." 

This doesn't surprise Shirou at all. It isn't as though he and his team were being particularly subtle. Not for the first time, Shirou misses possessing the Mantle of Arthur of Cornwall, but he'd rather not owe Zelretch anything more than he necessarily did. That way lay madness. No. Between their camouflage gear and infra-red scopes, as well as dealing with the majority of the guards and their supply depots already, this is the best it is going to get. Already, Shirou strongly suspects that there is no magecraft here involved at all. That this isn't a Moonlit World matter of any kind.

But children are still missing.

"Formation Rho Aias." Shirou says. "Move out." 

If anyone else had come to a similar conclusion, or questioned why they were here, no one is voicing it aloud. They know better. It was agreed, until confirmation of supernatural activity, to utilize internal and subtle magecraft when engaging with mundane targets. This would certainly not be the first time this has happened to Shirou. And he knows, for a fact, that it won't be the last. If they had to employ less subtle means, things that couldn't be discounted by hallucinations, delirium, sleight of hand, or skill ... More permanent measures would have to be used. Shirou didn't like to utilize those, but if he didn't the Association or the Church would: and far more extensively, with sanctions lobbied on Shirou's team ... and possibly that of his Family for their trouble. 

Yet his continued movement through the stronghold, is fueled by thinking of those children and his partners, his wives ... He tries not to think about what he would do if it had been them taken, if he hadn't been able to protect them, if ...

Shirou is beginning to have suspicions about whom they are dealing with. It is this suspicion, more than instinct, that alerts him to the hard, fast hands lunging towards him. He holds up his arms, moving them in a protective sequence against his body, shielding his vital organs. He hears crackling bone, and muffled screams. Two, a boy and girl -- no more than twelve or thirteen years old -- jump away from them, with useless, broken arms and hands. He sees the way their fingers are twisted now, dislocated, but held in beak-like shapes. He rushes forward and, before they can react or use their legs, he knocks them out. 

A part of Shirou realizes that, had he not Reinforced his arms to this extent or well, they might well have killed him with their element of surprise. He didn't even sense their killing intent, or their presence. They just, somehow, blended into the surroundings of the place. As he briefly checks their pulses, seeing that they are still alive, he remembers seeing them attempt to breathe after they attacked him. Breathing and Walking ... just as the monks used to teach, as some magi of Far Eastern lineage attempt to practice, including himself, Rin, and Sakura. 

Shirou hadn't wanted to be right.

He hears the sounds of fighting and shouting from his earbud communication device, and knows his team has encountered them as well. 

"Everyone all right?" He asks after everything gets silent. 

"Team Reinforce took the brunt, Sensei." One voice says. "Wounded. Team Trace is fine, scouting ahead, backed by Team Project. Adepts have been neutralized."

Shirou nods to himself. Formation Rho Aias. The outer petals, made up of Reinforce, take the brunt -- he being one of them -- with Trace scouting and fighting, and Project providing cover and fire power. One or two petals might be compromised, but the rest should be fine. 

"Send Team Avalon where appropriate. Including at my current location." He gets up, retaining the coldness within him, trying not to let the anger at seeing these child soldiers affect him anymore than it already has. "Coordinates ..."

He moves out almost immediately. The back layer of Reinforce, the ones behind them, have secured the parameter. Avalon has gotten to the wounded front layer. No casualties. Shirou will have to work with them on their technique when they get back. 

"Trace in, Sensei."

"Report, Trace." Shirou draws on his prana, Reinforcing his eyes. He sees more of the children, older ones, but he also takes stock of their surroundings. 

"Training facilities. No weapons. More deceased children." There is a pause. "Other teams reporting in. More facilities. More children. Drugs. Team Avalon reporting hallucinogens."

"I think we've found the women, Sensei." There is a few seconds silence and Shirou can hear the utter repulsion in it. "Deceased. Blunt force trauma wounds."

"Some have ... signs of recently giving birth. Looking for nurseries ..."

Shirou wanted to be wrong. He walks into the chamber, just to dodge out of the way of two more children, with two adults in masks attempting to shoot him with guns. They are not fast enough. He knocks one thirteen year old unconscious, while impaling one of the gun men with one of his swords. He ducks under another's kick and reaches forward to stab through the abdomen and up one of the other gun men. 

He knocks the other child down, even as he hears his "petal" approaching behind him, the ones to stabilize the wounded children. Shirou can already feel the bruises forming on his skin and in his muscle from where the previous adepts had managed to strike him earlier, knowing it could be much worse. There are pits, weapons, needles, and drugs. The facility looks state of the art. Shirou is already putting the pieces together, especially when he sees the women in the pits, and hanging from the ceilings. Blunt force trauma is an understatement. The physical blows, presumably done with hands and feet, are surgical and precise. Some have gun shots through them. 

Some of the women even still look pregnant. 

He keeps going, summoning another blade into his hand. 

"Isolation chambers." Someone says through his device. "Children here. In each cell. Some deceased. Some heavily drugged."

Shirou comes to one himself. It is a sealed off chamber. He ignores the retching sounds of some of his team on his device. He can sympathize. Later, he knows he will feel this. All of this. He opens each and every cell. And finds the same. 

One thirteen year old is rocking back and forth in one cell, his eyes blood shot, smelling of drugs. "I am a tool ..." He says. Over and again. "I am a tool. I am a tool ..."

"Avalon. This location ..." Shirou places his hand on the boy's neck, who doesn't even flinch away, and uses hypnosis to render him asleep. Training chambers. They pump the drugs in here. They are attempting to groom them. Train them. Make them into weapons. The women, their own mothers, are used to birth some or -- worse -- Shirou imagines the trainers using those women for their own children to kill. To disassociate them from empathy early on. And those children that fail, or aren't strong enough ...

They have encountered them before. Patchwork assassins. Each one specialized to attack in a specific way: and only one way. Each one trained to take someone by surprise. But they were adults. Some looked like businessmen and women, some doctors, others just civilians and ...

Teachers. And students.

Shirou kicks his way into a chamber. It looks like a classroom. Like Homurahara Academy. There are adult men and women at the front of the classroom, and children, ages six and up, sitting in school uniforms at desks. Behind the adults ... these ... handlers, are infants, babies ... Some of the children are guarding them. Shirou looks at the flat, empty stares regarding him from each of their faces. They do not look drugged. The adult assassins weren't either. That was probably part of their conditioning. These child killers, these disposable murderers, these poor man's hashashin.

Even a monstrosity like True Assassin would find this an abomination. 

Shirou's backup comes in. He manages to take it all in, while avoiding the gun shots from the adults. They aren't even attacking in melee. They are just handlers, training these children ... Shirou watches a six year old girl, with nothing but emptiness in her eyes, move her arms back, pressing her hands and fingers into beak-like claws and running swiftly, attempting to bring down one of his team. Perfect breathing ... _Snake Style_ ... There is a hitch in her throat, making her stumble, and she's brought down. For some reason, he thinks about finding Kuzuki-sensei's body with a maddened Caster hovering over him. 

He sees the handlers running towards the babies in their cribs. And he doesn't even think about it.

He summons his bow, and arrows, Od crackling through him. 

The adults are brought down, arrows piercing their bodies.  The children, those still standing, those looking in his direction, stop fighting. Shirou steps over towards the bodies of the handlers. A few of them are still alive. He crouches down and looks down at one, a man. 

The other coughs up blood, as he looks up at him. "So ... y-you're the ones that keep ... going after our cells ..."

Shirou breathes out. "So you are all one unit." He sighs, fighting back the burning rage. "All those assassinations we stopped. The attacks. They were all you."

"Had to ..." The other coughs, inclining his head to the cribs of children. "Had to recruit more, because you kept shutting down our operations ..."

Shirou wills his fist not to shake. He contemplates killing this man. "You're going to tell us where all your other facilities, operatives, and hostages are. You will direct us to the bodies of the women you've been using for ... anatomy practice ..." He practically spits the word. "And the children you've been indoctrinating. You will also tell us who you are working for."

"Atta --"

Shirou punches the man in the face with a Reinforced fist, shattering his skull into pulp on the floor.

Everyone is silent. Shirou breathes in and out, raggedly. The conscious children and Shirou's team, his Emiya's Alliance, just watch him. He sighs again, slowly. He lost his temper. No, the man was going to order the children to keep fighting. He looks and sees the other handlers. Some are unconscious, and the others have his people with weapons at their throats. 

"Secure them." He tells them. "Get Avalon to deal with them, and get our intel. Make them more ... cooperative." 

A part of Shirou is thinking about the logistics. It is possible that these assassins, and their handlers, had been funded and supported by elements of the Moonlit World, but he doubts it. It is too haphazard. These assassins are not augmented with any magecraft. The idea of one of these agents or operatives supported by Reinforcement sorcery terrifies him. But this goes deep. However, if they took so many children, they must have been desperate. Still, they are obviously being backed by powerful people ...

"What are your orders?"

Shirou blinks as he hears the voice. He looks down. It is the six year old girl from before. She is on the ground, barely even conscious. The other children are quiet, also looking up at him. "What are your orders?" She repeats, clearly, and coldly. 

It takes him a moment. The handlers are dead or incapacitated. They are the only adults here. Shirou is obviously their leader. These children were trained to follow orders. It's sickening. He looks down into her eyes. There is nothing but a blank emptiness there. It seems so familiar, as though he had seen it before, as though he had seen it from the other side ...

He thinks about coming back to his Family. Rin, Sakura, Saber, and Rider. Illya. He thinks about his sons. He thinks about the work of his Company and ... what he's doing here ...

He crouches down and faces her on eye level. Shirou can see her trying not to flinch. A tear trails down his face at this cruelty. 

Emiya Shirou breathes out. "You're coming with us." He says, then he looks around. "You are all going to be saved." 


	89. Chapter 89

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's really been a while, hasn't it?
> 
> In fact, it's more than that. A year ago, now, I took an idea -- something of an "Emiya Clan" or "harem" idea -- that I only thought about, that I only pondering, or talked about aloud and I began the incredibly daunting task of writing it out. Ironically, Fate/Stay Life is the Prequel to the story that I had really planned: and that would star the children of the protagonist. I am not sure if I will continue with it, but if I do it will be called Fate/Stay Afterlife. 
> 
> This fic, such as it is, is one year old. This is its first anniversary. It isn't perfect. Some of my formatting has changed. I know I've mixed terms up. And I made character choices that may not align with what is known about them in canon. I also know some readers haven't always understood or agreed with my choices.
> 
> But this is my fic. It isn't so much a product of professionalism, and definitely not one of money as I do not own or have a partnership with Type-Moon but a labour of love that I come back to when I need to not think about my original works and responsibilities, and to dwell in the world of these borrowed characters that I've patched together. I think what I like about Fate/Stay Life is how the characters interact and how they deal with their past trauma and overcome it, becoming different people in the process. 
> 
> I'm really glad that many of you have enjoyed this and enjoy following this. I do plan on finishing this fic relatively soon. I'd hoped to do it sooner but life and self-esteem got in the way. But so many people have given this project Kudos and even Bookmarks. I'm grateful. Thank you so much for following Fate/Stay Life for a year. 
> 
> I hope to be back again soon. :)

"Are we almost done here, Sakura?"

Sakura bites her lower lip as she lightly cuts the palm of her hand, her Od surging energy into her Magic Circuits, as she takes her own blood and makes another sigil on the ground. She sighs softly and turns to Rider. "Yeah, Rider. This is the last one."

Rider nods and looks around them. Sakura can't say that she blames her. Fuyuki Central Park always gave her an odd feeling during the afternoons, never mind after midnight. But she knows, for a fact, that for spiritual entities like Servants, it is even worse. Rider has her blindfold on, which these past couple of years -- aside from a few intimate moments -- is rare of her to do. But as Sakura thinks about it some more, she realizes that Rider puts it on every time they come out here, at this time, continuing this ritual. "I'm sorry, Rider." Sakura says. "I know this place makes you feel uncomfortable."

"I can handle myself." Rider replies calmly, but Sakura thinks she can actually see a terse smile form on her lips, with the hint of fang. "Grudges and negative feelings were like sea breezes back on my Island. I could consume this entire place if I wanted." 

"But we're not going to do that, right?" Sakura cleans off her Azoth dagger with a cloth, putting back into its sheathe, and into her pocket. "This place has already suffered enough."

"All the more reason to put it out of its misery." 

Sakura chuckles. "Rider, are you grumbling?"

Her Servant inclines her head, managing to keep her features neutral. But Sakura can feel exactly how on edge she's feeling through their bond. "I'm surprised it isn't bothering you, Master. This place ..."

"I know." Sakura sighs. "But it isn't as bad as before. Not like it was a few years back."

It's true. Ever since Illya closed the Gate on Angra Mainyu and ended Heaven's Feel, the Park had felt different. Of course, that wasn't enough in and of itself. The Fuyuki Fire had happened over a decade ago now, but its effects had cursed this land for ten long years. It was no wonder that even drunks or homeless people avoided this place at night. 

Rider nods. "You've adapted my blood magic well. Witchcraft suits you, Sakura."

Sakura makes a disgusted face at Rider that she knows the other can sense. "Just to understand curses a little more. I mean, my teacher would have probably disapproved. But we own this Land and its our responsibility to clean up our own messes."

And Sakura means it. A part of her is angry that the Church never bothered to bring spiritual experts to deal with the damage done to this part of the land after the Fourth War, especially knowing what she knows now. Then again, given how it was Kotomine that probably briefed the Church, and considering what he really was, she shouldn't have expected anything less. Unfortunately, Rin's own background in Spiritual Evocation isn't extensive beyond knowing the basics of Servants, and even with her contacts there was only so much they were willing to owe other factions at the Clock Tower for what was ultimately their own responsibility. 

It began with Ryuudou Temple. The Ryuudou Family had spent a lot of time repairing it after ... her duel with her sister. Issei had embraced his priestly duties years back, but most of them began with him helping his father, and his brother rebuild the Temple along with the other monks. The process took a considerably long time, a fact that made Sakura feel tremendous guilt. Rin kept trying to tell her that it had been her own fault, that her copy of the Sword of Zelretch had caused all of the destruction under Mount Enzou. But Sakura would have none of it. Her old rage and hatred, her selfishness, caused the conflict to begin with. If Sakura is to be honest with herself, she had practically been all of these grudges and curses made incarnate in the defiled body of a furious adolescent girl. If she ...

She feels Rider's hand on her back. Sakura sighs, breathing out into the other's gentle touch. "It's been six years." Sakura murmurs, looking down at the sigil she placed on the ground in her own blood. "I'm a wife and a Mother now. I have you and Senpai. Neesan. Saber forgave me. Everyone did." She looks up and turns around, embracing Rider's form. The other woman holds her. 

"These things never go away." Rider says. "You'll always have these wounds. But the poison's all but gone. Only the scars will remain after a while."

Sakura nods, letting Rider's scent lull her, reminding her of her own strength. Shirou had convinced Raiga to help finance the reconstruction of the Temple, despite the yazuka boss' antipathy with Issei's father, but Sakura and the others knew that even though Angra Mainyu was gone, remnants of its curses and blight remained. She asked to volunteer, to bring the monks lunch in between her own duties at the Archery Club as well as her job. Sakura volunteered at Homurahara Academy as she studied to gain her certification as a substitute teacher with Taiga's help. Everyone had been nothing but supportive for her. In the mean time, she had been helping out the school nurses and staff. Sometimes, Shirou even came back with Issei to help out as well.   
  
It provided cover as she adapted her magecraft, drawing and absorbing the power of the grudges and curses -- their dark energies, their smudges on the land -- into her sigils of primordial blood. She felt a little self-conscious doing so. After all, a part of her felt like it was the monks that should have performed their exorcisms and consecrations. Unfortunately, as Rin pointed out, the monks of the Temple lacked magecraft or mystical power of any kind. This wasn't always the case. Rin explained that there was actually a group of Houjutsushi: practitioners of a Far Eastern magecraft called Onmyoudou that utilized Sutra, prayer and faith, to exorcise spirits and perform miracles. There used to be a sect of them among some of the monks of the Ryuudou Temple, but that was long ago now and any remnants of their spells and practices would be useless to the ones of this current era.    
  
So it fell to Sakura. She knew that women were generally not allowed to stay in the Temple, though they could visit. And between her and Rider, they came to places at the site of the Temple where the sigils, her circles, would fade after the dark remnants of curses were drained and contained in the space with which she banishes them. The monks believed that their rituals made the area less oppressive and reconstruction had been completed not too long ago. Sakura takes some comfort in that, even as she knows her work here, in this place that used to be the City Hill on the site of Shinto is almost done. 

She looks at a nearby park bench and thinks she sees something metal glitter in the moonlight. A plaque. 

Their Family is doing well financially. Shirou's business has boomed and, in usual fashion for her Senpai, he was not keeping his surplus money to himself. With the aid of the Fujimura Clan, Shirou had added more play sets, and benches to Fuyuki Central Park. But he went further than that. He also opened a charity fund to the relatives of the five hundred people of Shinto who died in the Fuyuki Fire, and placed memorial plaques to Shinto on each bench in the Park. And he did so anonymously. He did not want his name on it. He told them that he didn't want to make a big deal of it. But everyone in the Family knows. 

It amazes Sakura that her Senpai always, even now, finds new ways to make her proud of him. 

But Sakura knows how important this place is to him. She also knows it is close to the site of the Grail from the Fourth War, from the muck ... Zouken used to place in his crest worms and into her body. This place, just as it represented the thing that changed Shirou, also had its part in changing her. And she wants nothing more than to do her part, and lay this part of their lives to rest. 

"Are you ready?"

Sakura looks back up at Rider as the two of them separate. She nods. "Yes." It always takes a lot out of her. But she's done what she can. She has placed all of the sigils at the cardinal points of the land. It is the last section of the Park. And she hasn't used too much blood. She made that mistake once, and the whole Family -- especially Senpai, Neesan, and Rider -- did not let her hear the end of it. 

Rider leans down. "It's all right if you feel tired after this." Sakura can hear the sultry grin in her whisper. "I will just eat it out of you later."

Sakura's pussy tingles between her legs. "Rider ... distracting me will only make this take longer." She feels the other bite her neck, lightly. "Rider ... Kari and Nagi ..."

"That's what the King of Knights is for." Rider chuckles. "If she wants a child, she'd better get used to the babysitting."

Sakura gives Rider a look, but judging by the other's smirk she finds her glare more cute than intimidating. "You are terrible."

"Monsters aren't supposed to be nice." Rider quips back, kissing her lightly on the lips. "Now complete your spell before too much blood leaves your brain."

Sakura is about to retort. Then she shakes her head. No. There will be time for that later. In fact, as she gathers her energy together, envisioning the Bounded Field ... activating it. The sigils glow, forming a shimmering phantasmal structure that drains the specific dark energies of the idea: ignoring her's and Rider's life force. She pictures a box opening, draining out the grudges and curses, converting the echoes of pain and suffering into energy and power ... then, as her aria is completed, she finishes the incantation, and closes her Magic Circuits. The sigils fade, and the Bounded Field dissipates. 

She turns to Rider, smiling through her weariness. "You see ..." She tells her. "Neesan isn't the only gifted magus in this Family."

"That's true." Rider replies, coming towards her. "But you forgot one more thing."

Sakura blinks. "And what's that?"

"Mm." Rider runs a finger down Sakura's cheek. "The blood sacrifice may have drained negative energy. But primordial energy requires balance too. Equilibrium." 

"Oh?" Sakura smiles, suddenly feeling very hot. "Of what kind, do you think?"

"Well ..." Rider lifts Sakura in her arms. "Now that I can't see those damned grudges anymore, I think this area needs some ... primal energy of another kind."

The two women lean towards one another, and begin kissing each other hard. By the time they leave the Park, it feels lighter for more than one reason. 


	90. Chapter 90

"Tohsaka Rin."

"Vice-Director Barthomeloi."

Rin bows to the other woman. It is more than just etiquette and courtesy, even more than playing the petty political games of the Clock Tower. Simply put, the Head of the Barthomeloi Family, the leader of the Aristocrat Faction, Wizard Marshal of the famed Chelon Canticle Brigade, Vice-Director of the Mage's Association, and -- according to some, _Queen_ of the Clock Tower _exudes_ power. Even her white riding hunting coat and red neck ribbon, an inverse of British noble fox hunter colours which would have looked ridiculous on anyone else, made her look formidable: not the least of which because of her mithril gauntlet or the riding crop in her other hand. 

Even the woman's physical appearance doesn't fool Rin. Not one bit. The Vice-Director might look only a few years older than Rin herself, or in the onset of early adulthood but between the rumours about Barthomeloi training, and what the sheer power of magecraft approaching True Magic can accomplish, not to mention the woman's own personal experiences in the field and the way she holds herself, Rin understands any such appearances mean absolutely nothing. 

So when she had been given a summons, in the midst of her work with Professor Velvet, to meet Lorelei Barthomeloi in some of the lowest parts of the Tower itself it was a summons that no one in their right mind -- least of all Rin herself -- could refuse. 

As it is, the Vice-Director nods, the distant, disdainful expression on her face not changing one inch. The woman turns and looks around the room. Rin follows her gaze, even while she keeps one eye on her as her arm reaches behind her back, holding its crop, her legs spread and solidly rooting her long brown booted feet into the floor. It is a comfortable, confident, powerful foundation: a stance that many people might misinterpret as overconfidence, but Rin as a Far Easterner can see is an excellent stance for awareness, alertness, and readiness. It is a small classroom, still maintained and ornate as something that the Clock Tower would possess, but older somehow. Rin can't really explain it. The seats resemble architecture from the Western Renaissance, or perhaps the late medieval period. Many of the classrooms and lecture halls of the Tower were old, but this one radiates something else, as though it had seen much in its time deep under the Museum.

And she knows, even having not met the Vice-Director personally, that the older magus is observing her and her reactions to this room. 

"Unlike the rest of those in the Tower, and this nation, my Family has respected Far Eastern magi lineages in one way, and one way only." Lorelei Barthomeloi states, not bothering to face Rin, probably in a way to display how little she truly cares to be talking with her at all. "Do you want to know what that is, Tohsaka Rin?"

Rin tries not to swallow. She isn't entirely sure why she's here, though she already has a few ideas. Still, while showing deference to the Vice-Director is not at all a problem -- in fact, from what she understands it is integral to one's survival in the Tower, all the more so as one rose up through the ranks -- displays of weakness would be ruthlessly exploited and quashed at a single whim. She thinks about her reply, perhaps in the form of another question, or if she dared, an answer. After just one moment, Rin decides to answer the Vice-Director's dangerously rhetorical query. Thinking about her father Tokiomi and his gentlemanly mien and lessons, she replies. "Respect for Family, Vice-Director?"

"Your subordination to your Clan. To your family name." The Vice-Director says as if Rin hadn't replied at all, turning to look at her from the side, coldly and clinically analyzing her from the corner of her dark eye. But it might be Rin's imagination, but she thinks she sees the older woman nod slightly. "You understand, more than anyone in the Association, in the Tower itself, one's family name is more important than your individual identity. Your ambitions, your dreams, your achievements, are all an extension of the line of your Crest, your bloodline, your elders, and your teachings. In other words, Tohsaka Rin -- you are Tohsaka first and only -- and as such, you understand your place."

Rin doesn't know whether to feel flattered by the Vice-Director's words, or completely insulted. She grits her teeth slightly, but decides this is not a time to reply. 

"The egotists and the power-hungry fools in the Tower do not understand this one, simple truth. It is one of the many reasons why their families, no matter how great will ever begin to approach the power and understanding of the Barthomeloi line." She shakes her head. "Even so, there are some Families, nobles of higher pedigree, that approach this knowledge. The El-Melloi, for instance, even the late Kayneth Archibald and his arrogance, knew their obligations. They knew their place." She finally turns to Rin, bearing all the power of her dark eyed stare down on her, to the point where she didn't even know if the other could be using Mystic Eyes or pure, unadulterated will. "Do you know where you are now?"

It doesn't take Rin long. "This is the first class room of the Tower." She says, quietly, not hiding her awe of the place, now perhaps having something of a better idea of what the Vice-Director is about to discuss.

"Yes. This is where the Judgment Division meets to discuss, amongst other things, Sealing Designations." The Vice-Director walks in front of the largest structure in the room, the desk of the instructor. "And, no doubt, you are aware of the judgments they made this morning." 

Rin steels herself. Professor Velvet had assured her -- in fact word had always been -- that the Vice-Director rarely if ever troubled herself with Council meetings or bureaucracy, preferring her constant Dead Apostle Ancestor hunts. Even so, Rin couldn't rightly call herself a Tohsaka magus without having prepared some simple contingencies. Otherwise, she wouldn't have even survived the Tower's trial after the Heaven's Feel debacle. "I have informed my apprentice about the decision, when I was told." 

"I'm sure you did." The Vice-Director says. "The Emiya Clan had been a shallow generation before they degenerated into Spell-Casters, after their last Head experimented with vampirism. Emiya Kiritsugu did some work for the Association, as a Freelancer." The disgust in her voice is palpable. "It seems his son is following in his footsteps."

"Specialist Emiya is a loyal member of the Association, Vice-Director." Rin doesn't like how the other woman is talking about her consort. "He has been hunting heretics and keeping the secrets of the Moonlit World --"

"Specialist Emiya doesn't particularly concern me." The Vice-Director cuts in. "His father was the Magus Killer, and while disgraceful, he was effective in his dealings. Emiya Shirou is a retainer of your Clan and, as such, even after his graduation from your tutelage you are responsible for his actions. However, while the father may have taught the son, they are not blood-related, are they."

"No Vice-Director." Rin replies, managing to meet the other's gaze.

"Hmm." Lorelei Barthomeloi thoughtfully taps her riding crop against her elbow. "It is just as well. You were no doubt made aware of the fact that the Crest had ... degenerated."

Rin schools her face into impassivity. "Yes." She chooses her words carefully, trying to recall what the Enforcer representative had told her. "From what they told us, it's possible that due to the shallow generation of the Emiya Clan and possible tampering from the previous Head's experimental procedures, even in stasis the Crest couldn't maintain cohesion. In other words, it rotted."

"That much was obvious. The Crest was of an inferior design, a temporary means of knowledge transmission at best."

There is a long silence between them. This had been part of Rin's plan all along. Whatever happened, there was no way the Mage's Association would publicly explain what really happened to the Crest. There was no way they could admit that a Sealing Designated Crest had rotted or been damaged under their watch. Certainly, they would not admit that the Sealing Designated Enforcers, their Noble supervisors, or the Secret Division made of some of the Clock Tower Lords had made a mistake. Rin had already accepted the explanation, as had Shirou. They would not discuss this with anyone. The reputation of the Tower and the Association by extension would remain sacrosanct. And even if they suspected tampering, or theft, there was no way they would publicly admit to it as that would compromise their reputation further and show weakness.

So perhaps, the Vice-Director being here was a non-too subtle warning to remember that the Crest had been of inferior design. Nothing more, and nothing less. Besides, there was no way to prove anything otherwise, even if it crossed someone's mind. One way, or another.

"It was unfortunate, I will admit." The Vice-Director says. "For someone of such low birth and generation, Emiya Norikata was a genius." She pauses. "I actually had occasion to study the Crest myself."

Rin's heart freezes in her chest. "You did, Vice-Director?"

The Vice-Director waves a dismissive hand. "Most of it had been associated with Temporal Manipulation. With time and more generations, perhaps the Clan could have reached the Root by seeing the end of the World. Unfortunately, only a genetic family member could utilize it properly. That was not the reason I bothered to examine, however. I was looking to see if Emiya had ascribed any of his more heretical work into his Crest. Such as his vampiric potion." The power of her gaze somehow intensifies while her facial expression remains the same, as if they are discussing nothing more important than the weather. "I found no particular evidence, one way or another. Most of the Crest was theoretical work, fascinating from an academic perspective, but rubbish: especially in discovering any further weaknesses against ... vampiric scum. Still ... it is rather perplexing that someone of Emiya's ability could have made such an ... inferior Crest."

Rin is now painfully aware that it is just her, and one of the most -- if not the most -- powerful magi alone in an isolated room together. It doesn't matter that the older woman has no evidence whatsoever. When one gains as much power as Lorelei Barthomeloi, one might not need anything tangible to excuse any act as judge, jury ... or executioner. 

"Do you know why the Barthomeloi Family detests vampires, Tohsaka Rin?"

There is a slight edge to the Vice-Director's tone that makes Rin quiet, knowing that this rhetorical question needs to take its course. 

"It isn't, as you might know, that they are a heresy which, of course they are. It also isn't because they have always threatened the secrecy of magecraft or the Moonlit World, which -- again -- they do by their very odious existence." Her face actually twists in utter and complete disgust. "It's that they do not _earn_ their power. They feed off of their tainted blood like parasites, or something along those lines. They are debased slaves of their creators, or they slaughter countless other lesser lifeforms to make a ritual to keep their own shambling, disgusting bodies in existence. And then they feed off of others. Like worms. Like ... filth. And then, then they have the utter audacity to use their stolen lives to augment their parodies of magecraft -- even boring holes in the World to make their own cosmological blisters called _Reality Marbles_ \-- to play at being gods. But they aren't gods. They are _vermin_! They are vermin that must be expunged from the face of the World itself." 

Rin marvels, albeit in a somewhat terrified way, at how calm the other's voice is throughout her entire "lecture." She still says nothing as the Vice-Director continues. "These disgusting creatures, mimicking  higher functions in the World, which were mistakes in and of themselves, do not know about merit, or personal willpower, or honing. They lack purity. They throw away bloodline and the natural order of Family for personal gain. There are many among us who would do the same, if they had the guts, or the cowardice to attempt it, but they think to compare their stolen knowledge -- their cheating ways -- to the greatness of the Barthomeloi and some of their allies that we earned. No. They can barely be tolerated, never mind be allowed to live. But before they die, as they should have done, they have to suffer for their presumption as thieves, cowards, and the lowest of vermin first." Lorelei Barthomeloi clenches her bare fist. "And we take great satisfaction in watching them suffer, in dying, every. Single. Time."

There is a part of Rin that wants to step back. The fire in the Vice-Director's eyes is palpable. All the rumours were not only true, they were understatements. She isn't sure what disturbs her more: that Lorelei Barthomeloi is mad, or all too sane with an almost inhuman among of hateful conviction. 

"You are fast becoming a Grand, Tohsaka Rin." The Vice-Director states, as a matter of fact. "That much is obvious to anyone with half a brain. The work of you and your cohorts with the El-Melloi has been nothing short of inspired. And I do not say that lightly. Eventually, you will attain the rank of Lord for your Clan at this Tower, something unprecedented for a ..." _Foreigner, or an Asian,_ Rin thinks. "Far Easterner. Surely you know how important this will be to you and your Family. To your name."

"Of course, Vice-Director." Rin says. "It is an honour, in itself, to be at the Tower and under the tutelage of --"

"The Lord Second. Yes. I heard about your hearing, that day. He has known your Family for quite some time. A pet ... project of his."

Rin tries not to bristle at those words. "I am proud to be an apprentice of Lord Zelretch."

"Well. At least you know that you are just _one_ apprentice." The Vice-Director sighs. "Sometimes, Zelretch meddles in matters that he should not. Sometimes, he even uses others to do so. And, in the end, they pay the price in his stead." She pauses. "Sometimes, as such, the Lord Second and my ... fellow Wizard Marshal has to be reminded of his own place." 

Lorelei Barthomeloi stares directly at Rin. "You are doing very well at the Tower, and in the Association Tohsaka Rin. I do not blame you for your master's actions, whatever he may be telling you. In fact, the reason you know any of this information at all, why I am deigning to tell you any of this is because of how far you have come, or how much he may have told you on your missions for him. You tell him ... you tell him the next time he is here, or you see him, that the Association tolerates him, and the other former magus. That we deal with the other vampire _at the Church_ out of necessity. But if we find any evidence of him tampering with any of our activities, especially the Sealing Designated Areas, he and all of his agents will be dealt with. And he knows I have the power to carry out this threat. Do you understand me, Tohsaka Rin?"

Rin allows herself to blink. Then, she decides to speak the obvious. "With all due respect, Vice-Director, if you have evidence of this, then there should be a hearing --"

"Don't play games with me, little girl." Lorelei Barthomeloi's mouth is a dead serious straight line. "You know better."

"Again." Rin almost can't believe she is saying this. "With all due respect, Vice-Director, if you had any proof of Lord Zelretch doing anything illegal, we wouldn't be having this ... conversation. Or maybe, we'd be having a different one." Rin almost lets a smirk form on her face. Almost. "In fact, I don't think you are authorized to deal with Zelretch at all. I am guessing that _the Director_ and Zelretch have something of an understanding?" 

Rin doesn't sense any presence of magecraft, but the temperature in the room feels like it has just dropped by several degrees. But she continues. "I always wondered why it was, that the Barthomeloi Family didn't possess the Directorship itself. But the Lord Second told me, once, a little bit about the First Magic." She looks the Vice-Director dead in the eye. "He told me that the heir of the First Magic, perhaps some fragment of it, is still alive ... but _barely_. And the Director, there are rumours he is over two thousand years old. That is old even by magi standards, if it's true. That was about the time when magecraft itself changed. It's said that the Barthomeloi doesn't consider anyone to be its equal ... _except_ for the First Magician. It'd make sense if the heirs to Two Magics had something of an agreement, if two ..."

She actually wasn't going to complete that sentence. But it didn't matter. Rin doesn't sense anything. No mana. No energy. It doesn't matter at all. The next thing she knows, Lorelei Barthomeloi's riding crop is right under her chin. The other woman looms over her as though she had always been in her space and she just didn't see her. Or perceive her. 

"Hmm." Lorelei Barthomeloi murmurs, her eyes cold, dark ice. "Fast. But not fast enough."

Rin notices the Vice-Director looking down at Rin's grip on her Sword hilt. There is just a pause, a heartbeat before an expiring breath, before the older magus speaks again. "Have a care, Tohsaka Rin. Your loyalty and zeal does you credit, but a fraction of True Magic will not save you against real skill, or very poorly chosen words, and suppositions. You might be an Average One, and you may have accomplished great things, but don't think yourself untouchable. You can be Sealing Designated. And we terminated Paracelsus for less."

She pushes the crop against Rin's cheek a little harder. Looking at the formidable Queen of the Clock Tower, dressed for the hunt, and feeling that cold bar and leather, hates how afraid it makes her feel ... and how she knows how much it would tingle if Rider was the one holding it against her, instead of this detestable woman. For the first time, the Vice-Director actually seems to smile, as though reading Rin's thoughts. 

Then, the Vice-Director lets Rin go. "Remember what I said, Tohsaka Rin." She says, her tone nonchalant again. "Or by the time I am finished with you, you will look back on Lady Archisorte's offer with great fondness." She straightens out her uniform and turns away from her. "By the way, Lady Archisorte is proving to be an excellent heir to her House. She is the one that voted for the Emiya Crest's Sealing Designation to be revoked, for all the good it did. She sends her regards."   
  
Rin recognizes a dismissal when she hears it. She gathers herself and walks away.

"Oh and, one more thing." The Vice-Director says, from behind her. "It is all well and good for your Servant and Lord El-Melloi's apprentice to change places from time to time. Having a grasp of the Lords' workings can be useful. But do not place your Saber in my attendance. Good day, Brand Tohsaka."

"Vice-Director Barthomeloi." 

Rin bows. She knows when it to take a victory, or retreat from a battle. Sometimes, both are the same. She keeps walking. She loses track of how far upstairs she has gotten. A part of her wishes that Saber had accompanied her, regardless. She misses her. She misses Shirou and the others. But miraculously the Vice-Director's blind spot remained. And Reines, in her grooming to be the next Lord El-Melloi, kept her promise. Rin keeps her body from shaking. But isn't just fear anymore. Rin realizes she is trembling with rage. And she walks away from Lorelei Barthomeloi, everything suddenly becomes clearer. For the first time in Rin's life, she has faced down someone who she fears, and respects, but also hates. 

And it is in that moment of realization, in the same vein of how she described the looks of dismay on the faces of her vampiric enemies, that Rin vows to look into the face of Lorelei Barthomeloi when she takes the Vice-Directorship of the Mage's Association right from her arrogant, myopic gaze. 


	91. Chapter 91

"I'm still confused." Sakura tells Illya as they clean the Archery Dojo for the day. "Just how did Nagi get all of that chocolate again?"

Illya tries not to smile ... at least not too much as she moves the mop on the floor. They've been working in the Dojo for a while, in between Taiga's mandated personal snack breaks that are the result of her onii-chan making a vast quantity of food for her before he left on his "trip." Four years have passed since her treatments, and Illya is still relatively short, though she has been told this is not unusual for a girl of adult age, especially not in this country. Still, she can't help but think to herself that Sella and Leysritt would be more suited to cleaning up this area with their much longer limbs. At the same time, she doesn't mind. She is tired, but it is a good kind of exhaustion: the kind earned through hard, physical work as opposed to the wasting illness of her inherent design. And the fact that she gets to show Taiga that she is more of a grown-up than she is by helping to clean her workplace properly, illustrating to Raiga -- a much better grandfather than her own ever was -- is just an added bonus: among others.

"Well, it's only fair." She replies to Sakura. "I mean, Kari got his share yesterday."

Sakura shakes her head. "Illya-chan, you know that Neesan is coming home later today. And you know how Nagi gets when he has too many sweets."

Illya pouts. She knows she's pouting. She simply can't help it, and she doesn't particularly care enough to try. "I was trying to be fair. I mean, what kind of Aunt would I be if I can't spoil both my nephews?" 

"Illya-chan." Sakura can't help but giggle, just a bit. "That is really terrible."

"What?" Illya doesn't really even have to try feigning innocence as she raises an eyebrow or two. "Sella and Leysritt made those treats specifically for them. Do you really want to hurt their feelings?" 

When Sakura is the one that rolls her eyes, Illya is tempted to ask who the child is now. Ever since her treatments took, she has been living at the Emiya residence for the most part: occasionally going to Raiga's home, her own Castle, and sometimes even back to Germany to keep an eye on her House's activities. But even when she goes back to the Fuyuki Castle, it is in the company of the rest of their circle: Rin, Sakura, Saber, Rider, and Shirou of course. The Einzbern maids themselves tend to prefer staying at the Castle, though they visit the Emiya residence frequently. A part of Illya feels guilty that the two spend so much time to themselves, insisting on guarding and maintaining their property in the forest. They tell her that it is part of their duty to the House -- and by extension her -- though also suspects that Sella, at least, takes umbrage with the fact that her onii-chan barely allows her access to his kitchen when they are around: an ongoing state of affairs between their houses, as it were. Sakura knows full well that Sella, who is staying with them for a little while, made those confections in the kitchen since Shirou was away: but they took great pains to place everything back where it was. Sakura herself knows how Shirou's kitchen works and he seems to accept her there, so cleaning up after Sella -- who is meticulous herself to the point of obnoxiousness -- isn't as much of an issue. And in all honesty, Leysritt's contributions are often to sample the food that they often make. 

"Illya ... I also help put Nagi to bed ..."

Now Illya feels a little bad. She forgets about that sometimes. It's true that, even now, she likes to get her digs on Rin as much as she can. Honestly, Rin may be an accomplished magus for her bloodline, but she still thinks her onii-chan is far too good for her. It isn't as though she hates Rin or anything -- in fact she is somewhat grateful for her part in saving her life and helping Shirou -- but she doesn't have to make it easy for her all the time. Someone has to keep the Tohsaka Head on her toes. But Sakura will have to deal with both children. They are essentially their sons, together. And, given who their father is, it makes sense. 

"Oh fine." Illya grouses, half-heartedly. "When Rin goes to bed with Saber, Fairy Godmother Aunty Illya will sing them a lullaby." 

"Illya!" Sakura scolds, looking around, putting her finger to her lips. But this time, Sakura doesn't bother to hide the giggling. Illya smiles too. Kari and Nagi had been watching anime and started combining their terms of endearment for Illya together. These days, they seem to have settled on "Fairy Godmother Aunty Illya," all of those terms being exactly true: even if Taiga is technically Kari's godmother. Illya has to remember, at times, to be careful about what she says in public. It's funny, in a way. She has learned throughout her upbringing not to talk about magecraft and the Moonlit World in public, but sometimes she forgets about the arrangement of her family: of this "Emiya's Alliance" in the context of the mundane world. "It is really cute."

"It is --" The mop falls out of Illya's hands as she clutches her stomach. 

It is a dull ache, right below her stomach. She immediately feels Sakura at her side, her hand on her back. "Illya, what is it ..."

 _No._ Illya thinks to herself. _No. I have this. Not again. I've got this. I ..._

Illya breathes in and out. "I'm ... I'm all right, Sakura." She sighs, feeling the pain subside a bit. "It happens from time to time. The ... treatments aren't an exact science." She tries to smile up at her, as she was doing earlier. "These things rarely are." 

"Maybe we should take you back home?" Sakura doesn't look at all convinced by her smile. "Saber can --"

"I said I'm fine!" Illya snaps. Then, immediately, she quells down the anxiety. "I'm sorry, Sakura. I didn't mean to ..."

"I know you didn't, Illya-chan." Sakura moves her hand to Illya's shoulder and rubs it. "Will you be all right?" 

Illya takes Sakura's hand and squeezes it gently. "Sakura. Thank you for asking. I think ..." She feels the sensation return. "I think I need to use the restroom. I'll be right back."

"All right, Illya." Sakura says as Illya begins walking out of the dojo. "I'll Taiga if she comes back before you do. Just ... take it easy. You don't need to work yourself too hard."

Illya waves her comment off. "I'll be fine. Just give me a few minutes."

The Einzbern magus walks down the hall to the nearest restroom. It doesn't take long. It is after classes at the Academy, long after the Clubs have closed for the day, and there is no one else inside aside from her. She finds a stall and closes the door behind her: locking it. 

She doesn't even have to open her Circuits as, for the most part, they are generally active most of the time now: with a few exceptions. The Magic Crest on her back feels warm as it continues the perpetual cycle of her Od. She focuses on it, closing her eyes, breathing in and out as she chants -- as she hums the words -- quietly to herself.

 _"Ein Märchen aus uralten Zeiten,_  
_Das kommt mir nicht aus dem Sinn."_ *****

She feels the Crest quicken the Field inside of her body, one golden layer of it -- visualized as such in her mind -- accelerating her metabolic rate. Her feels the oxygen inside of her quicken and her head becoming lighter. Just one inch. Just one second. Then, she sings another part of the melody as the golden cage, an image created from the memory of her alchemical wires, tightening and then loosening, gradually ...

 _"Die Luft ist kühl und es dunkelt,_  
_Und ruhig fließt der Rhein ..."_ ******

Slowly, she lets the internalized Time Field calm down her processes. She can feel her heart drum one solid beat at a time as this layer of her field reinforces the last, faster one. They are both interlocking, like the mesh cage made of her wires, or perhaps the petals of her onii-chan's borrowed Rho Aias. Both are mixed metaphors, in the end, but each one serves their purpose. It took her a long time to find this balance. She recalls that first time, four years ago now, when the Crest's inherent magecraft almost went amok and it took Shirou's Reality Marble and Saber's Avalon to safely bring her back into space-time without completely destroying her body and her mind. She knows what they still see, even now, when they look at her. She might have grown perhaps a foot or two since the treatments, she is still pale and thin. Still small. 

When everyone sees Illyasviel von Einzbern, even those that know of her true power, they just see her body as that of a doll: porcelain, fragile, ephemeral. She doesn't have to sing the words. In fact, her adaptation of the acceleration and cessation spells from the Time magecraft of the Emiya Crest may well have used simple command words when her biological grandfather possessed it, or even her father utilized its dregs. It took her some time to visualize and craft these layers of the Internalized Bounded Field inside of her. Sometimes, she has to eliminate parts of it, forcing her to meditate and mnemonically dismantle and craft her work. Perhaps simple, straight forward words or phrases -- empirical or harsh -- would be more efficient.

It took some time to create the subtleties, the smooth transitions, that would bridge the gaps between "fast" and "slow" and "stop": to soothe the usual abrupt, and often brutal, reversion back to real life. It usually thrums on its own, as she takes mana from the Earth -- as is her homunculus design -- to reinforce her Od, to keep fueling and the small perpetual motion machine with which she has constructed inside of herself. The lullaby, which her Mother used to sing to her before she went to sleep back in Germany -- the poem turned into a song made into a child's lullaby for her -- helps to soothe her. She doesn't have sing the words, per see, but just hum them. The words, however, help her to mentally and emotionally cope with the process: a ritual to ease her through the day. 

Illya knows what everyone went through to get this Crest for her. She thinks about the life Shirou and the others are trying to build with her, and wants to make this magecraft her own. Perhaps she will be all right. Maybe she has repaired the degradation inherent in her design, but if worse comes to worse she wants to leave something behind for magecraft, for her Family, for ...

She feels something wet. It's dripping down her legs. She takes off her panties and sits on the toilet, wrapping her arms around herself. The ache below her belly is dull, but she can't detect any internal damage within her. Her Structural Analysis, while not on par with her brother's, is still competent enough to see that much. She knows her own body. Or, at least she thinks she does.

The ache eases up somewhat as Illya cleans herself up with a tissue ...

And sees red on the paper. 

Illya's heart leaps into her throat. She isn't completely sure what this is, she can't be, but ... 

Illya runs back into the Archery Dojo. Taiga is back as well. She is talking to Sakura about how she looks forward to Shirou's imminent return as she is running out of his snacks, while Sakura nods patiently. Ordinarily Illya would find this humourous, but she can barely hear the words over her thundering heartbeat: the sound not the result of magecraft this time around. 

"Illya-chan?" Even Taiga notices something is up. "What's wrong?"

"I ..." Illya tries to find the words. Sakura walks over to her, great concern on her face. "I ... my stomach hurt and ..." She's trying to tell Sakura as much as she can around Taiga. It doesn't even occur to her to use her Mystic Eyes to hypnotize Taiga or get her to leave. Her skin feels clammy with fear and some other emotion she can't really name. "And I ... I bled ..." She curses herself as she squeezes her eyes shut and all but shouts. "I bled _down there_! Ok?!" 

Illya is terrified. What if the Crest isn't working, what if she is breaking down, or there is a complication, or ... or something else ...

"Illya ..." Sakura says, after a while. Illya looks up and sees Sakura ... _beaming_. She takes her hands in her own. 

"Ohhhhhhhhhh!" Taiga squeals. Illya can't believe she is seeing her all but jumping up and down. "Illya-chan, you know what this means, right?"

It takes her a second. Illya feels her eyes widen. "Oh ..."

"That's right, Illya-chan!" Taiga cries out. "You're a woman now!"

Illya ... can't think for a few moments. A part of her mind might have thought about this. She had studied magecraft and biology as part of her education in her House. She had even done more in the attempt to repair her body. She had wanted to stabilize it, perhaps even grow a bit ... But even if she intellectually understood sexual maturation in the female body, and menstruation cycle ... 

She knows any other girl might be groaning, or embarrassed. Especially with Taiga tackle-hugging her as it is. But she doesn't care. She isn't even happy or joyous. She feels ... she feels relief. Intense relief. She knows that Taiga believed she had a genetic or a thyroid defect that stunted her growth, which wasn't far from the truth. Apparently, when humans in the mundane world, particularly those with female biology, stopped or never had menses, they could be the result of medical complications. It had been no real secret that Illya's health itself had been in considerable danger, though only their Alliance knew the mystical details of it. She feels something wet dripping down her eyes that has nothing to do with the chemical and hormonal reactions that she read about in her studies. 

She did it. They did it. She's ... she's ...

"Congratulations, Illya." Sakura whispers as she hugs her as well. 

"I can't ... believe it." Illya murmurs.

"You had a growth splurt." Taiga proclaims. "I saw it! It happens around your age!"

Taiga has no real idea how old Illya actually is, but if she knew, for her it was well past time. In fact, it had been less than likely enough to happen. If Illya hadn't know what the Grail had truly been -- herself, and her mother before her -- she would have wished for this moment. She _prayed_ for it. She can't help it. She's sobbing into Sakura's shoulder as the other woman holds her. 

"There now, Illya-chan." Taiga slaps Illya on the back. "It's not that bad. We'll get you sorted."

Illya laughs through her tears, despite it all. The irony of the fact that she isn't upset is not lost on her, that she is far from that. She could only dream of this moment. As the moment sinks in, one of the many moments she thought she would never have, Illya realizes that perhaps -- now -- she might just have a real chance. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These parts of Illya's Aria come from the ballad Zu Bacharach am Rheine by Clemens Brentano which was, in turn, adapted into a poem by Heinrich Heine with the familiar title "Die Lorelei." The English translations of the stanzas I use are taken from a translation created by one translator Frank in 1998. Here are the following translations.
> 
> * "A fable of old, through it streaming,  
> Allows my mind no rest."
> 
> ** "The air is cool in the gloaming  
> And gently flows the Rhine."


	92. Chapter 92

"Another cell has been dismantled."

He nods as the other seven stand at attention, the woman giving her report in the darkened room. "And the others?"

The woman bows her head. "They remain circumspect. Continuing their monitoring duties, counter-revolutionary activity, and collecting the funding that we have been ordered to acquire. The rest are slowly moving into place." 

He nods. "It will take some time yet." He regards them. Eight other men and women. There is nothing particularly special about them. They are all dressed in plain dark-coloured suits: nothing out of place in the business, educational, and formal spheres of the world. They are alert, but their posture is relaxed, and open. In other words, they are ready for action if and when the situation -- or he -- calls for it. "And the others?"

The women is silent as one of the men speaks in her stead, the question addressed at him. A plain-faced, unassuming persona, just like the rest of them. "There are a few that the handlers say show some promise: beyond simple embodiment of Style. A few have succeeded in their missions and have not been terminated as of yet."

The other man passes him a report. He looks at it, giving it a cursory scan: already familiar, for the most part, with what he will find on the paper. He hands it to another one of his assembled people, whom promptly tears it up and snaps open a lighter on the paper. "Dispose of Groups One and Three. Make sure Emiya's Alliance eventually finds Groups Two and Seven." He pauses. "Four and Five will remain where they are. Six shows greater promise than the rest. Take them to be integrated with the mainline Family."

The other man bows. Then he, the leader of the group, regards the rest of them. The others have the brief cases that the handlers gave them for jobs completed, bribes for work and silence taken. This money will have to be exchanged and transferred through various funds and accounts. Most of it will be basic laundering. The Family understands this, and has gotten use to this part of the world by pure necessity. The funding will be cycled back into the mainline Family, who will transfer the majority of it to their Greater Family, and their Master. Like a river with several branching streams, it will all trickle back to the source. The handlers do not know the details. They do not have to. They just need to train the other agents. One of his people will supervise the training of any of the more promising ones before taking them back to their base in Eastern Europe. 

Even working for their Master, they still have to consider the well-being of their core Family after all. These are not mutually exclusive matters. They need to maintain themselves in order to remain of service and use to the Greater Family. Dispose of the weak and the compromised, keep others of lesser strength useful to the overall game until they are no longer needed, and take the stronger pieces for the longer campaign while keeping the others behind enemy lines. 

"I must make the call." He tells them all. "Leave me and return to your duties."

"Yes King." They salute him.

"Pawns." He returns. "Remember our name. Remember what we must make the Enemy do."

He watches them leave, almost feeling their united presence -- as one body -- disperse. Another person, given what they share might feel weaker with their departure. But he knows that they share a sliver of the thing that binds them all together, and he owns half of that blood: and that link. King takes out a cellphone from the coat pocket opposite to the one with the slender cylindrical object inside of it. It is a burner phone, one of many. Yet another layer of contingencies.

When the Family assembled them so many years ago, carefully cultivating them to show their use towards the Greater Clan, even King wasn't sure that they knew the extent of what their Master would be expecting of them. It was one thing to deal with their targets in twenty-four hours, but this would take far longer to implement. King understands the reasons behind it. Ever since their Master's original plan, so many years ago, had been thwarted -- and then thwarted again a few more times over -- they had to continue these operations. They would done them regardless, but they would have been more sparing and not involved their ... pawns of Pawns in the overall struggle. Nevertheless, the man called King understands that everyone has their place in the overall scheme of things. 

Including himself.

*

He picks up the phone. The Zugzwang. It is about time. Ever since the Einskaya Family, a marginalized, almost obscure group in Eastern Europe petitioned to join the Clan, they had more than proven their worth. Hell, in many cases they had even exceeded it. 

"What is your report?" He asks into the cellphone. 

The information is terse and to the point, leaving only relevant information to be conveyed. He nods. The money is excellent for their Clan. There is no way it can be traced back to them, especially given that all of their ... instruments are either "untrained" or lack any potential towards magecraft altogether. As far the rest of the world, mundane and Moonlit alike was concerned, these agents -- these cells -- either do not exist, or are independent groups of otherwise well-trained disposable assassins. It is one of his Clan's sources of revenue and experimentation: a longer-term undertaking of social engineering and profit that might prove even more useful than he originally thought. 

The Zugzwang, like most magi, believe their magecraft and its secrets to remain private despite their most intimate collaborations with the other members of the Family. But he knows better. He has watched them for a long time. Their power is formidable when they control the environment and the context, increasing their fighting potential to the equal of their leader at a moment's notice to accomplish their set goal. But he knows the price. Their shared Magic Crest's power shortens their lifespans. It degrades their Magic Circuits. It is no wonder they take the most promising of the tools they are raising, and interbreed them with the rest of the Einskaya. It is one of the ways they keep themselves alive. And, as their Master, he cannot begrudge them that. He knows all too well, they all know, what happens when a magi bloodline begins to die out for a variety of different reasons.

Including betrayal.

He shakes his head. No, he has already dealt with _that_ ... for the most part. The point is, there is always a price to pay for power. The Zugzwang use little slivers of their Family's Magic Crest to empower their group tactics. He himself has been forced to shave little parts of himself down to keep himself alive: to keep on with their plan, even though he has been forced to modify it considerably. 

Just as observing Servants so many years ago had given him more insight into how to extend his own life through soul absorption, Project Hashâshīn as he called it -- privately -- had been the result of his observations of the Assassin class in at least three Wars, along with some attempts at research throughout the intervening time. These ... tools, his agents had gathered together from previous attempts to imitate the legendary assassins and unrelated groups of similar interest -- attempts to mould them into something more -- were pale shadows of the efficient wraiths from the Holy Grail War, and fabled Alamut, but they served their purpose. And they would serve this particular goal. 

During his time, he has had the opportunity to examine how people work. What their motivations are based on their actions. What they do. Where they usually operate. When they act or wait. Why they do what they do. And _who_ they are. 

He thinks about the Emiya Clan -- because that is what it is even if they do not acknowledge it as such yet -- and he knows that they aren't ready yet. More importantly, the boy that holds them together isn't ready yet. But that will change. Even if it weren't going to already happen on its own, as he had seen other political currents form in his time, he himself will ensure it. 

And despite being worn down by the years, by failure, and defeat, he knows that they still have time. They need it. Right now, let the boy play the hero. Give him an outlet that won't interfere with the larger picture at the moment. The Three Families will back him in no matter what he does, unless it exceeds a certain amount of common sense. And he will make sure it doesn't go beyond a certain point. He thinks it best to consider it as honing or training. Or perhaps, it is better to say that it is something of a rehearsal for what will eventually come. 

He eventually thanks the King for his service, praising him for a job well done. Tools need to be maintained through discipline and assertion after all. In the meantime, while Project Hashâshīn has mixed results, those mixtures have proven to give him more resources with which to work: more options to exploit. This latest batch are better than the last, the rest of them -- those showing middling to lesser promise -- dealt with without anyone really knowing the wiser. They will make the Clan strong, within and without it, one way or another. 

In the meantime, he will wait. Then, he will set a meeting.

And begin another game. 

*

King turns his phone off and crumples it, with Reinforced strength, with one hand. There is no passion in it. Just pragmatism. The mechanism doesn't possess a memory card or even a basic history after it automatically wiped.

Briefly, as he disposes of the pieces in the trash, he thinks about the meaning of their group's name. Zugzwang. A move created to force an opponent into a less advantageous maneuver or position. Once, his Family had been the ones in that situation before their Master came. And their allies, their fellow "Family members" were practically similar. But their Master trusts them more with this particular set of tasks. 

Even so, while King exists to follow orders along with the rest of his brothers and sisters, he is still a magus. He knows what will happen next. 

And King doesn't even have to look at the dagger on his belt, coated with a substance made by his Family, to know that sometimes it isn't the blade that injures or even kills. Sometimes, it's what is on that blade. 

Sometimes, it is what is inside it -- its very nature -- that will ultimately destroy a target from the inside out. 

 


	93. Chapter 93

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's definitely been a while. 
> 
> A lot has happened to me these past couple of months, both writing and personal-wise. Let's just say, not all people are as lucky as the Emiya Clan. It's unfortunate, but life is not fiction. Though, given what has happened to Shirou and company, it is perhaps more than fortunate in other ways. But I was hit pretty hard, and I am still recovering. At the same time, I have been writing a lot more original fiction so there is that. I hope one day to share that original fiction with those of you who might be interested.
> 
> As such, I don't know how often I will update this story, but I definitely want to finish it, and I thought I should start this one off with the best of all worlds for many readers here: something that is connection and life affirming. Something happy amidst the realities of a fictional life. Anyway, it is nice to see you all again, and I hope to be back soon. 
> 
> Also, if you are interested I am working on a fic called Fate/Stay Unlimited Bullets: where Emiya Kiritsugu has been turned into a vampire. It won't be as long as Fate/Stay Life (I hope), but if you are interested feel free to look it up. That one is a lot of fun to write. Take care all. I will see you when I do.

Rin grits her teeth, feeling her skin flush, as Saber's lips and tongue work on her clitoris, her slender white arms surrounding her waist on the bed as she orgasms -- hard -- into the Servant's mouth. It's as though wave after wave of tension from the Clock Tower just grew in her, and exploded in a miniature Mana Burst out of Rin's twitching body, leaving only aftershocks and afternoon -- or evening -- delight in its wake. 

The Tohsaka Head's fingers stroke through Saber's golden hair as the latter finishes, gently reading the ebb and flow of Rin's body, having replenished her prana supply and tired from her own series of climaxes beforehand. 

"You are really getting good at this." Rin drawls, her body settling into a boneless sprawl on her bed. 

"I do what I must." Saber smiles, moving up to let Rin rest against her.

"Even now, real modesty." Rin murmurs, cuddling into the other woman, smelling her scent of the field and battle sweat. "But last I read, courtly love also includes poetry readings. And the best kind of storyteller is generally a cunning linguist."

Saber blinks at her. "I ... believe you've been saving that one up your entire return trip back?"

"I'd throw a pillow at you, but between the jet lag and the massive series of orgasms you just gave me ... consider yourself lucky." She does manage to stick her tongue out at the Servant, but regrets it when Saber starts petting her head. "Hey!" 

"There is a good kitten." 

Rin somehow finds enough energy, through her righteous indignation, to reach out and start playing with the errant strand of hair that is Saber's ahoge. "You are the cute one, Saber-chan."

"Rin ... cease that."

Rin's mouth quirks into a sly, thin smile. "I noticed you are still 'petting' me, Saber. So no."

A glitter comes into Saber's green eyes. "So ... you wish to challenge me again, do you?"

"What can I say?" Rin's grin spreads across her face, pushing her worries back for a time. "Sometimes, I like playing with dragons."

Their next bout is less prana-sharing, and more about pure fucking. It had taken a while, even with help, to get Saber to lose many of her inhibitions. Certainly, from Rin's perspective Rider was a true monster to that regard in more ways than one. But even with Rider's basilisk implement, Rin has a much greater idea of what it is like to ride a dragon when it comes to Saber ... or rather, what it feels like to have a dragon ride her. The energy emitting from Saber's labia against her own, as they rub together, as they wrestle with each other for dominance -- knowing that Saber is holding back her superior physical strength -- is too much to bear as the equivalent of crackling dragon fire erupts between their entwined thighs, their grinding pussies. Rin can feel hers twitching with Saber's afterwards, as they lie tangled with one another. 

"I ..." Rin says, breathing hard. "I really needed that ..."

"I could tell." Saber whispers, kissing her neck gently, holding her face in her hands. 

They lie there, together, in the bed sheets and each other for a while. Rin doesn't want this to ever stop, if she had her way. Rin knows that Rider tends to be more aggressive in bed, and elsewhere. Indeed, even the term "aggressive" is something of an understatement. The former Gorgon is borderline vicious, in her physical actions, and her teasing. She likes to almost humiliate Rin, and enjoys the struggle of doing so: a thing from which they both mutually benefit. But with Saber it is different. Saber is assertive, and takes command: which Rin equally enjoys. But she also knows how to follow orders. And when they tease each other, there is a gentleness there that generally isn't there when she is with Rider. Even Shirou tends to be rough, and dominant when left to his own devices and without direction from her. Rin's thoughts briefly flit across these experiences, only reinforcing the fact that even as the last Head of her familial Clan -- or the latest with Nagi's existence -- she is luckier than most magi ... and most women. 

But inevitably, the thought of magi makes her sigh. There is only so long that sex, even good sex, can keep recent memories of the Clock Tower at bay.

"I am really glad Sakura is dealing with Kari and Nagi right now." Rin murmurs, instead. "That little Einzbern brat still wants to be the death of me."

Saber chuckles. "Even for me, those two are ... quite formidable when fortified with the amount of sugar that Sella puts into those confections."

"And cleaning up after them too ..." Rin sighs, thinking about how overjoyed her sons -- from different mothers -- are when they see not only their Aunty Illya, but Aunty Sella, and Aunty Leys as well. "At least Sakura managed to get them to take responsibility. It's the least Illya can do, though I feel sorry for those poor maids."

"And Rider is no help." Saber shakes her head. "Don't misunderstand, I know for a fact she would rip the heads off of anyone who hurts those two boys, but she really enjoys watching the rest of us have to deal with the aftermath of their ... excitements."

Or their tantrums. Or their latest experiments, often reenactments of _Super Sentai_ antics or whatever it is their 'Uncle Waver' has them watch. Thankfully, the two four year olds haven't been taught anything beyond the hints of magecraft as of yet, though it won't be too long. In two more years, they will be of Grade school age. Nagi himself has been exploring and came close to finding his father's and his mother's Workshops respectively, while Kari -- who is generally the more quiet of the two -- tends to ask many, many direct questions. Both of these traits aren't surprising, given that both children are practically of the Tohsaka bloodline, and Rin would expect no less from them. At least, they are past the Terrible Twos age: which had been all the fun that it was not. Rin remembers laughing with Sakura about the ether clump she accidentally created during their duel being human excrement, and even now deeply regrets comparing the two. 

"I'm going to have to talk with her about that." Rin grumbles.

"Well, if you do, I wish you better fortune." Saber replies, an exasperated smile on her face.

Rin thinks about it for a few moments. "On second thought, 'Aunty Rider' can deal with Sakura. I have very little time for her bullshit."

"Isn't that your same strategy for dealing with 'Aunty Illya?'" 

Rin points at her, with her Gandr-finger, but it is barely even half-serious. "Don't you start with me now, Saber. They call you Mommy too."

Saber lowers her eyes. "They do." She whispers. 

The Tohsaka magus looks at her girlfriend, practically her wife. She wraps an arm around her, scratching the back of her head gently. "Shirou's coming back soon, isn't he."

"Tomorrow morning." Saber replies. "I know he's really going to want to see the boys and ..."

"And the rest of us, yes." Rin says, trying not to roll his eyes. "And touch base with his students. Sometimes I can't believe the baka even has them, but ... he's good with them."

Saber looks at her quizzically. "Did it really hurt so much to admit that Shirou is good at something, Rin?"

"I --" This time Rin does manage hit Saber with one of the pillows. The fact that the Servant caught it with her other hand is quite irrelevant. She is a powerful spiritual being, after all. "You know I value Shirou, and that he knows exactly what he is doing in his field of expertise." _Including my pussy_ , Rin shakes her head at the thought and hopes, in vain, that Saber doesn't pick up on that or the sudden quiver in her nether regions. "But he also leaves a lot of messes that we ... especially _I_ have to fix."

"So you know about the children, then."

Rin sighs, yet again. "Yeah. The baka managed to get a message out, through proper channels." She shakes her head. 

Saber is looking intently at Rin's eyes, her own gaze suddenly quite piercing. "I believe he is doing the right thing, Rin."

"I know he is, Saber. Morally." Rin untangles herself, and sits up. Saber follows suit. "It's just ... we have the facilities. He's invested in those orphanages, but the experts and potentially magi we will need to potentially deprogram all of those ... kids. Those _bastards_. Doing that to _kids_."

This time, Rin feels Saber's hand on her back. "I know, Rin. If it were our children, I would strike those curs down where they stand, trial or no." 

"I should ... I should be used this level of evil by now." Rin murmurs, looking at the door to her room. "I mean ... we have encountered so much horror. Magi have done worse for supposedly more noble ends." _Like Father trading Sakura in to the devil to 'reach her potential,'_ is another series of words that Rin doesn't have to speak aloud. 

She feels a finger and thumb take her by the chin. It isn't ungentle. Saber moves Rin's face to look at her own. Her eyes glitter in the light of the room. "You know that isn't true, Rin. Not only are you not like those magi, and if you were we wouldn't have ..." She moves out her other free hand. "Any of this, but you know the day it no affects you, is the day you don't feel anymore. And that is much worse than any death that I have seen, or can think about. That mentality is one of the reasons why evil exists."

Rin laughs, almost hiccuping on sudden tears. Having children, and then seeing what was done to others really affected her a lot more these days than she cares to admit. "Sometimes, and I know it's dumb, but I forget you were King Arthur for a reason, Saber." 

Saber lets go of Rin's face. Then, with a speed and grace that even Rin sometimes forgets she has, Saber moves behind her and wraps herself around her, holding her hands in hers from her position behind her back. She can feel the points of her nipples grazing her spine. "Even now, after everything that's happened, I try to remember what matters. I've seen a lot of darkness. So have you. We have to keep fighting for the future." 

Rin clutches Saber's hands, feeling her skin against her skin, her presence surrounding her own. "And there was no evidence of magi making these two-bit assassins."

"Just like the last ones we encountered." Saber says. There is a pause. "There is something else, isn't there."

Rin exhales slowly, knowing her lover can feel her stress. "Yeah. Barthomeloi summoned me back in London. She knows ... about most of what we've done, and suspects the rest." She chuckles weakly. "For example, she knows you and Gray sometimes take places so we know where we stand with the Lords." 

"I see." There is a pause. "It was your plan after all."

"Yes yes, I know. And I'm not surprised someone like the Vice-Director could see right through it, or know about it." _And I am definitely not leaving you alone with her, or do anything foolish like having you attempt to spy on her at a meeting,_ Rin thinks to herself. 

"And the rest?" 

Rin shakes her head. "Nothing she will act on yet. At the moment, at best she thinks that we are just tools of Zelretch, whom we know she hates on principle for being a Dead Apostle. But there was a bit of a ... pissing contest that happened between us."

"She didn't hurt you, did she."

"No." Rin says quietly, but in a timely manner. She does not like the way Saber's tone immediately turned dark. Having the King of Knights go into a fury at the Clock Tower would be a terrible idea. "Just my pride."

"I can --"

"When the time comes, Saber, I will deal with her. Myself." She raises Saber's hands on hers and kisses her knuckles. "But not yet. We are not ready yet. In fact, this whole incident was a good lesson in and of itself." Rin furrows her brow. "We need to have more allies. The El-Melloi are provisional at best, though they have their value and will remember who did them favours. We have Professor Velvet, and the new generation he's nurturing. The Democratic Faction has been courting us for a while, and the Neutral ... well, they are doing what they do best, and are just waiting out the tides. Barthomeloi has charge of the Aristocrats. And of course there is Zelretch ... But he is arbitrary at best. No ... We ..." She growls in exasperation. "We need allies elsewhere."

"Where exactly are you thinking about, Rin?"

"Outside of the Association." Rin replies, decisively. "Or at least, on the periphery. This isn't unusual. The fact is, we've been doing some business with Atlas for a while thanks to our innovations, and Atlas has a strange kind of relationship with the Church at times. Given my bloodline, it isn't entirely dissimilar. There might even be some factions in the Wandering Sea, the original Mage's Association, that could be intrigued by what we have to offer. Most of it is trade of knowledge and perhaps some pacts of mutual interest."

"But ..." 

Rin smiles. Saber knows exactly how to read between the lines. "Just that. Other business ties and pacts of trade. We still have enemies in the Association, or potential ones. Today, they might even be our friends. No, we need more resources. I don't mean for Shirou's rescue and sometimes neutralization operations. They are in the scope of the Association's rules. And they do not really care about us dealing with the mundane world so long as we do not compromise the Moonlit one. But we need to know of other magi, with other resources, that ... well, do not necessarily fit into the Clock Tower hierarchy. At the very least, we can have better ties with them."

"I take it that you have someone in mind."

"Yes." Rin says, after a time. "It's as Professor Velvet says about us. They are like us, the Three Families, but writ ... _large_." 

"As a contingency?"

"Maybe." Rin settles into Saber's arms. "I'll look into it soon. In the meantime, I want to spend as much time with you as possible. Shirou is coming back tomorrow, and soon you and he are going on vacation." 

"Rin ..." Saber starts. "If you need me ..."

"No. You and Shirou had been planning this for a while. I won't hear anything more on that, from either of you." Rin turns around and kisses Saber on the lips, looking deep into her eyes. "We all know what you want. And I don't think the baka will refuse you. He loves you too much to do that."

"It's just ..." Saber looks down. "We already have so much to do. And I don't know if it will even --"

"You never tried." Rin smirks.

"T-that's ..." Saber's face turns red. "Of course not! Definitely not _then_! How would I --"

Rin puts a finger on Saber's lips, and kisses her again slowly, lingeringly. "It's just ... so nice to know I can still make you blush. Even after all this."

"You ..." Saber sighs, and kisses Rin back. They rest their foreheads against each other. "What would I do without you ..."

"Well, you are going on vacation with Shirou, so I have a few ideas on that matter."

"Rin ..."

"No." Rin says. "I'm serious. I will kick your asses if you don't do this. Hell, I think even Illya will join in. That's one reason she even gave you Avalon back."

"But what if it doesn't ..." 

"Then you will have lost nothing from trying. And you will have continued to gain everything." Rin tells her. "Besides, don't you want to spend time with Shirou?"

"Yes." Saber replies, without hesitation. "I miss him. And it would be good to ... visit with him. It would be ... appropriate." 

"Good." Rin kisses her, much longer this time. "There is a bit of time yet. I mean, he has to see Sakura first. And me. And you'd better believe Rider is going to want some of that too ..."

Saber shakes her head. "Will there be anything left of him by the time we _do_ go away?" 

"Well, think of it like this Saber." Rin trails a finger down her cheek, to her lips. "You are prodigious in eating an amount of food that would make most people sick. Shirou, well ... he is prodigious in another form of consumption entirely ..." Then, Rin laughs in exasperation. "And no, not just in _making_  good food!"

"I know that ... Although ..." Saber considers. "He does do _that_ too." 

It takes Rin a moment. "Why you ... Ha. He is the bone of his sword ..."

The two of them pause for a moment, and then begin to laugh. Then they tumble back into the bed sheets. After some squirming, Rin situates herself ontop of Saber. "Oh Saber." She says, grinning like the cat the other accused her of being. "I think we will still corrupt you in other ways, yet." Then Rin kisses Saber again, and they forget about everything else for a while. 


	94. Chapter 94

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Real life is relentless. Sometimes even pitiless. 
> 
> Amongst other life things, my laptop decided to have a stroke and while I am waiting to try to fix it, or get a new laptop, I'm using an old PC down in my basement. Last week, I was going to work on this chapter but then, an event which I can only call the Nightmare Week -- of the Third Summer of Hell -- happened. Between roofers, losing three days of sleep, my laptop fucking up, other less pleasant life events that still have yet to be resolved, and even my cell phone starting to show signs of dying, as well as re-adapting to writing on a PC in a different arrangement aside from my bed -- with a chair -- it has been interesting. 
> 
> Mental note to all of you: if you can, do not roll 1s on the D20 that is your life. Or, if you do, get them out of the way so that you can save those 20s for when you really need them. 
> 
> But you aren't here to read a fanfic writer complain. You are here to see my writing. And I will give that to you. I hope to get back into the habit. It's just fucked when your routine gets messed up. Thank you for your time, and patience in this matter. 
> 
> I am the bone of my sword here, after all. And after the work in this chapter, I hope that will be more apparent. :p

Saber and Illya observe Shirou in his other element.

According to Rin, Luvia's family -- the Finnish Edelfelt Clan -- had two mansions in Fuyuki. They had been created specifically to host two sisters from the Clan, both of them sharing their Family Crest due to the Ore Scales trait which, in turn, allowed them to act as one Master and summon two aspects of a single Servant: apparently, a Saber. Unfortunately, the sisters had found themselves at cross-purposes, at least during the Third Holy Grail War, and as a result they separated into two different manses to carry out their differing plans to retrieve the power of the Grail for themselves. In an equally unfortunate manner, neither sister won the War: one of them apparently dying, and the other disappearing entirely. As a result, and due to events that Saber could only speculate upon -- especially given Rin and Luvia's similar physical resemblances as well as their penchant towards Gandr spells, Sakura not withstanding -- the Edelfelts left Japan entirely, vowing enmity against the Tohsaka: at least, provisionally, until now. Their mansions remained in Fuyuki, left abandoned yet occasionally inspected by the Land Owners, and the Church. Some were even said, by the mundane populace that came across their properties, to be haunted. Saber knows better. Even now the property of these magi still has the remnants of Bounded Fields and magecraft to conceal themselves and confuse the outside world.

Rin and Luvia, and by extension the Three Families and the Edelfelt Clan came to something of an agreement due to their continued business relationship: especially after the encounter with Reines and her attempt at a geis. Among other concessions, the Tohsaka formally asked if they could ... rent one, or both of the mansions for the use of their Alliance. Saber suspects that the only reason Luvia agreed to them using just one of the mansions, aside from the courtesy of actually formally being asked, was due to her obvious affection for Shirou, and knowing just how important it was for his "Alliance," specifically his teams, to have their own training spaces away from merely the Emiya residence, and even Einzbern Castle: though they still remained both valuable debriefing and research sites. And the Tohsaka Mansion being one of those sites for "Shero's" endeavours, even if they were part of the Alliance's activities, just didn't bear thinking about for Luvia.

Nevertheless, a concession was made. This particular training facility, this sparring ground, was made from the mansion closest to the Tohsaka property. It was fair enough. Luvia, when she visits -- and that had been another round of almost bloodthirsty negotiations that both Sakura and Illya, with some aid from herself and Shirou's tempering influence had to ease into fruition -- renovated the Edelfelt Mansion that is closest to the Church. And even that is contentious, as Rin doesn't like the fact that Luvia makes a point of taking tea with Caren Hortensia. She also really doesn't particularly appreciate the idea of Luvia offering some space in the Mansion for Shirou's group with regards to training: even offering similar remedial combat training to them ... for a discount. And that discount came from the Three Families' wealth, particularly Rin's. And even if it was from Illya's stores ... From what Saber can understand, it is the principle of the thing that matters.

Saber herself has nothing against Luvia. She understands, back when she first faced her and Shirou in Illya's Castle, that she was simply fulfilling a mission while looking out for her own Family's interests, and satisfying her natural curiosity. She may have even been ... flirtatious with Shirou, and herself. And she has been fairly useful in assisting Shirou's students, whom Rin also supervises -- and assists in spite of it all -- just in case her rival "screws them up." Shirou may be their husband, their ... mutual lover, but it is fairly clear and unspoken that he is never to pursue anything with Luvia upon pain of all out war. Not that it bothers Shirou. Even though he never particularly expresses it, Saber knows that he finds it unattractive when someone can't even pronounce his name properly, foreigner or no. 

Shirou sits in front of his students, cross-legged as the rest of them, in the dojo that was made out of this floor of the Mansion, the actual training room for offensive magecraft situated in the reinforced basement, the communal Workshop and research area kept a floor above, and the top floors containing the students' dormitories. One other condition of using this Mansion, made less by Luvia and more by Sakura and Illya was that the main floor keep its Western style furnishings: its sitting room and kitchen for guests, and general relaxation. Shirou, of course, had precedence over the kitchen. Even Rin grudgingly admitted that the main floor had a reasonable antique feel, but it would have to be modernized. The fact that Saber herself is considered ancient, and that Rin still has challenges with twenty-first technology despite her comments about modernity is an irony not lost on the King of Knights. 

But Luvia isn't here today, or even in Fuyuki as far as Saber knows. Neither is Rin. She still won't set foot in here unless she absolutely has to: all instruction and remedial lessons in combat-grade Reinforcement and even variants of the Kempo Karate that Kotomine had taught her happen in her home at Tohsaka Manor. Rin is at the residence with Sakura and Rider, waiting for Shirou to be done with his work here. 

Shirou and his "Alliance teams" sit in their formations as they meditate. Saber knows them well. Trace, the Vanguard, sits in the front in a circular pattern. Reinforce sits in the middle, and they are the majority of the students, while Project -- the magi Support -- sits at the back with Avalon: the healers and alchemists of the entire unit. They are in concentric half circles around their leader in this spacious chamber that made the Emiya residence's dojo look small and quaint by comparison: even if it is one of Saber's favourite places to be in that house. 

Finally, Shirou opens his eyes. They are amber orbs of calm determination. Saber can just imagine her Master -- the man she loves -- envisioning his stress and tension, the pressure of both, being released like an arrow from a taut -- and then relaxed -- bowstring. "Trace. On."

"Trace. On."

The students rise to their feet along with their Sensei, stretching out their legs into ready stances, their arms spread out into fists. Saber can feel Shirou's Od being channeled through his body as he activates his Magic Circuits, as the other magi -- those that are magi -- follow suit. 

Saber watches Shirou breathe in sharply, as he intones. "Concept. Foundation."

"First step. Concept. Foundation." The others repeat, closing their eyes again, raising their hands, palm outwards into the air. 

Shirou slowly lets a breath out. "The core of you. What you intend to do. What you are. What you're going to be. Picture it. Never forget it. Keep building on it. That is the beginning of your focus."

The students exhale, but they keep their hands where they are. Saber remembers Rin telling her that Gradation Air, or Projection, is a common enough -- if incomplete -- form of magecraft. It creates a shape, or an object from magical energy, but most Projections are -- at best -- flimsy constructs that barely last, or cannot stand the test of true force. They are, literally, referred to as phantasms, though nothing anywhere near the level that Servants can create. At best, the magus in question can summon a disposable, or one-time use tool. It is, as Rin explained it, an attempt at expanding from Reinforcement: a form of magecraft that can enhance the ability or structure of an object with a large amount of magical energy. It is harder to augment a living subject in this manner, a feat that the Tohsaka and Edelfelts, along with other older magi Clans, had managed to accomplish: and eventually Shirou himself with proper guidance during the War. Saber knows Shirou started off with the ability to Reinforce before they met, but not on that level. But he had made several steps, or perhaps Kiritsugu attempted to drill them into him, in order to begin his routine of magecraft. And now, Shirou has turned this process of basic Projection into something else.

"Hypothesize your basic structure." Shirou continues. "Think about what you possess. What skills you have. The strength in your body. In your mind. The processes by which you honed them. What they have all made you. Look at your form."

"Basic structure. Form." 

Saber sees the students raise their palms upward along with their Sensei. Magical energy is definitely channeling through their Circuits now, those that possess Od. Shirou had spent some time with the Buddhist monks of Ryuudou Temple, and others on some of his travels, learning how to meditate, how to breathe, how to move, how to visualize something on a philosophical level. Gradation Air, from Saber's understanding, is an incomplete form, an experiment, but Shirou knows its process -- perhaps is intimately aware of it -- more than any other known magi in this World due to the nature of his own reality. It took time, and consultation with Rin and her own hybrid style of Far Eastern martial arts and Western magecraft, but Shirou has come a long way in putting together a rather pragmatic, direct, and utilitarian style of magecraft and battle training. 

"Now take those materials in you." He tells the room. "Duplicate the composition material. Expand out the form. Reinforce it. Think of the shape of what you are. What you will be. Imagine it forming in your own two hands." 

"Reinforce. Duplicate. Line. Form."

Saber notes the crystallization of objects, of light, in the hands of some of the students while the others seem to be charged with life energy, perhaps the qi of their actions. They are channeling prana, or their Od, into mana, or their intent into a definition of their own mental constructs. They are gathering strength and power into something else, into something made by their own actions, honing them into the tools -- giving them the tools -- that they need in their endeavours.

"Imitate the skill of your own making." Shirou continues on, slowly lowering his hands as energy crackles between them. "Think about what you were taught. What you sought to learn from your Masters, your Instructors, your Family Craft, or the Mysteries you've found. How your katas have shaped you. What you did learn. What you failed. What you learned from failing." Saber can almost see a wry smirk, reminiscent of another, or someone Shirou has somewhat grown into on his own merits form on his lips. "Focus on the craftsmanship of your own making."

"The crafting of our making."

It is almost a meta-magecraft, or a form of meditation now that Shirou has created. He can't, physically or magically, share his Reality Marble with anyone else. No one can call on Unlimited Blade Works, aside from Emiya Shirou. It is, when Saber thinks about it again, less magecraft and more a focus for those who have learned other magecraft or Mysteries, or perhaps neither. Magi, Spell-Casters, even mundane martial artists could sympathize with this ephemeral form that Shirou has, out of necessity, had to create to help himself, and pass on his ideals spiritually to others. Kiritsugu, apparently, only passed on basic ideology and skills to Shirou due to his own limitations and illness before death took him. Kiritsugu's lessons to his son had been more about ideals, and a dream. Shirou himself can't really pass on a Magic Crest on his own merit, at least not by himself, and not to so many blood unrelated people. But this style perhaps, created by him, could bridge that gap. Some of the objects in the students' lowering hands are becoming more definite now, these meditative, magical focuses on their training, symbolic of what Shirou is trying to teach them.

"Trace the growth of your own experience." Shirou is breathing harder now. Sharper. "Think about your strongest experiences. Your personal tests. The missions you've undertaken. All of your actions that make you who you are. Everything else is an illusion. You don't hold anything other than what you make. On your own. With others. With the World. Remember the crucible of your formation."

"Remember the crucible of my formation." The students repeat as some of their Projected objects become clearer, exercising their Magic Circuits, their minds with the strain. 

"Reproduce. The accumulated years." Shirou breathes out as two familiar objects become clearer in his hands, as he brings them up to his chest. "Focus on what you make of yourself. Place your experiences into the heart of your Projection. Weave the warped layers of your Reinforcement. Be strong. Be versatile. Time is an illusion that the World wipes away. Reproduce the accumulated years."

"Reproducing accumulated years."

Shirou finally turns his hands down with a sharp, crisp, flow of strength and speed. "Final step. Do what you need. Use every manufacturing process. Excel at every one. Build yourself. Trace. On!"

"Excelling every manufacturing process ..." Magecraft charges through the air. _"Trace. On!"_ The students cry out, as one.

The Seven Steps. That is what Shirou calls the process. She knows that even though he had developed them, or adapted them for himself he had only really written them down during his attempts to create an aria: an aria that ultimately allows him to summon his Reality Marble. The original document, the Unlimited Blade Works Declaration -- as Rider put it -- with its kanji, English, and glyphs remains secure in Shirou's Workshop at Illya's Castle. Besides, only the Seven Steps were of any use to anyone outside of Shirou, or perhaps magi of the Three Families' level. Or beings like Zelretch. Perhaps, one day, as Shirou's students continue to grow, as their allegiance remain constant, he might show them a little more, perhaps even have them work with the other women to do ... to do more. It is the foundation of what Shirou is attempting to do, of what their entire group is doing. Saber watches the students. Some of them have fully Projected items in their hands now. Some of them are weapons, and others are tools. A few barely have cohesion. A few of them simply dissipate after a few seconds, while others last a minute or so. 

Shirou walks among them, with Kanshou and Bakuya in both of his hands, inspecting his students' postures, and their work: those of them that could manifest them. "It's all right." He says, with a smile, reminding her of the earnest young man she met those few years ago, but with a tint of maturity that only comes from a few more years of living experience. "Some of you, with time, will make longer lasting Projections. Just adjust your stance there. Remember to breathe. There."

Saber recalls what Rin and Sakura said about their time in Homurahara Academy, watching Shirou try and fail at the high jump several times. She had seen Shirou strive against impossible odds, over and again. Many things, he would lose. Sometimes, he lost even more than that. But today, seeing him attempt to communicate his experiences to his students, to these magi and independents who were not in high standing but wanted to do something worth while to help the World, to help others, watching him teach and seeing the respect of these men and women, these people, and his matter of fact open way of addressing them reminds her of what Sakura and Rin said. This was another high jump for Shirou. Another hard-earned leap in progress. And if she wasn't in love with him before, she would be now. 

"Projection creates phantasms." He says as he comes back to the front of the dojo. "Phantasms barely exist. They aren't permanent. Gaia erases all of them, eventually." He lets his blades dissipate back into the ether, leaving his hands empty at his sides. "Everything humanity makes isn't permanent. We aren't here to make something permanent." He looks at all of them. "We are here to continue a process. What you form with your hands, or your magecraft isn't going to last. It isn't supposed to. But the reason we make them, why we try to make them, is that even though they are illusions, like the ancient masters always said that everyone and everything is an illusion, an idea, they do exist. Even when they're gone. They are always there." It reminds Saber of what Merlin once told her about Plato's Worlds of Being and Becoming, similar to what Rin had tried to communicate to Shirou in understanding other matters of magecraft. It certainly had been smoother than her attempt to teach them all about Schrodinger's Cat. "Ideas are just like Projections. Making them happen can be hard. They can be fragile. Brittle. But they exist." He points at his head. "In here. And in time, and with practice and patience, they will be stronger out in the World. Even more so, when they come from here." He points meaningfully at his chest. "Trace On, everyone." He bows.

"Trace On, Sensei." They say in unison, bowing as well, remaining for a few moments longer as Shirou raises his head again.

Saber knows how self-conscious Shirou is about all of this. He'd never planned on teaching, never mind leading anyone else. But that had been the deal among them. If Shirou still felt compelled to help others, to fight for others, he needed that help. He had gathered a few of Waver Velvet's students and other magi in his travels after completing his official apprenticeship with Rin, but he never foresaw them asking him to teach him how to Project, or fight the way he does. But what Shirou was really doing, as he ends the session for the day, is that he is imparting his mindset. Not the flawed ideal of protecting everyone other than one's self, but reinforcing one's self, and your companions: to defend those who can't help themselves, and at least minimize as much of the Moonlit World's depredations as possible ... including that of its supposed defenders. Shirou leads by example, by action, passing on his own determination, while the Seven Steps are a concept for his Alliance to follow to actualize their real selves. It is more of a school of thought, than a branch of magecraft: even if it had started out, in part, from that place. 

Even though most of them will never be able to Trace, and certainly not like their instructor, Trace on is their mantra. Their greeting. Their battle cry. Their farewell. 

Shirou claims he never looked for followers or had anything to teach. Saber thinks back to Camelot, to her forging of her kingdom that wasn't ever a mistake, and recognizes some of the parallels. And she's glad she is helping again to make something new: something potentially as good. 

And when she looks at the humble confidence on his face, the pride in his people, more than ever Saber resolves to have Emiya Shirou's child.

Finally, he comes out to see them from the observation room. Illya flings herself at him, ignoring any kind of decorum for a change: as someone small and powerful can afford. Saber comes forward, and they kiss. Her lips linger on his for a while as she gradually withdraws them. Emiya's Alliance remains in the dojo, continuing to practice. It shouldn't matter whether or not anyone else sees them together. Saber suspects Emiya's Alliance is aware of some aspects of their unique relationship arrangement, but there is no reason to be so blatant. 

"Cooties, again." Illya grouses. "Didn't you miss me too, onii-chan?"

"Of course I have, Illya." Shirou bends down and ruffles her hair. "You are my favourite little sister."

"Well, yes. I'm your only _older_ sister." She rolls her eyes. "Well ... except for Fuji-nee, right?" She puts her hands on her hips. 

Shirou laughs, and Saber can't help but chuckle. It has been a while and, by god, she's missed him. "The children are ... settled into Luvia's Mansion." She tells him instead. "There, and in the Church. Caren Hortensia is already calling in her resources, in conjunction with ours, to ... help them."

The easy, open nature of Shirou's face hardens a bit. It isn't anger on his face, though Saber knows it's definitely there, and certainly warranted. Rather, it's a more serious expression. "I'm glad Caren is helping us, and Luvia." He says, shaking his head. "I've already sent some members of Team Avalon to do what they can for the kids."

"I'll have to supervise them. Their healing and alchemy needs work." Illya sighs. "Say, onii-chan. Did you notice anything ... _different_ about me lately?"

Shirou blinks. "Huh." He looks at her closely, almost like he's Structurally Analyzing her. Illya looks back at him, extremely expectant. Saber has an idea what this is. Illya couldn't stop talking about it when she herself came back from the Clock Tower. Shirou looks her up, and down. Finally, he shakes his head. "Is that a ... new dress?"

Even Saber, whose life had been posing as a man and a king, mentally face palms at Shirou's reply. Illya's face turns red. It turns extremely red. But not as red as her eyes. 

"I ..." She says. "You are so dense sometimes, onii-chan!" She barks. Then, she wipes at her face with a sleeve. "You ... you dummy. I ... I'm going to those Avalon idiots now!"

She runs past them, barely keeping herself from sobbing. Shirou stands there, his mouth actually gaping open in shock. "Illya ..."

He looks back after her, and then back at Saber. "I ... can you believe that? Some of that I'd expect from Tohsaka, but ..." He goes to follow her.

Saber shakes her head, and takes his arm. "No. Illya's fine Shirou. But just let her have her time."

He turns back to her. "Are you ... are you sure?"

Saber nods. "Yes." She knows it isn't fair to him. Shirou isn't a mind reader. She knows Illya isn't really mad at him. In some ways, she is glad she had Avalon at a formative age before her body really began to change. At the very least, it made the changes gradual and ... somewhat less violent at times. "She will come back later. I know it." That is Illya's news to tell.  She knows how much it means to Illya, and what Shirou means to her. Saber will not take that from her. 

"Well." Shirou scratches the back of his head. "All right. You know, you both come have come in to the dojo. You didn't have to wait out here."

"I know that." Saber smiles up at him, marveling again at his growth spurt after the War, and his own adventures. "But we didn't want to intrude."

"You wouldn't have." Shirou insists. "You've even sparred with a few of the team. And I know you value meditation."

They do know who she is. But even unarmed, and not as strong as she was during the War, Saber laid many of the students flat. As an instructor, she is rigid and with very clearly patterned routines. She never fights any of them, even Shirou, at full power. But Saber isn't stupid. She knows that they call her the Task Master behind her back. It's actually flattering, if it weren't for the fact that none of the team had ever met Sir Ector. That knight, her mentor, had truly been a Task Master. And Lancelot, among other knights, would have left them much more than merely bruised and sore. "Nevertheless." She says. "I'm here to make sure that you come back to the house. The boys miss you. And so have we." 

"I was just wrapping up here." Shirou says.

"I know." Saber says, smiling. "But we also know that you tend to get very ... involved in matters unless you get a reminder. Especially when you've been away for a while."

"I ... I've been gone for a while, haven't I." Shirou says.

"Indeed." Saber replies. "Three months at least. And your calls aside, you've been missed."

"Rin told you to get me, huh." Shirou says.

"No." Saber says. "Rin _and_ Sakura told me to come get you. And _I_ volunteered." And Rider seemed intrigued that Shirou was back. Saber decided that it was better, for everyone, if she came to get Shirou instead of Rider. For all of Shirou's naivety, he deserved to have some of his dignity preserved. It is humourous in a lot of ways. Everyone that knows Saber wonders how she can eat so much, and function. She knows that people are in awe of her prodigious appetite, perhaps the only kingly thing about her that Iskandar would have truly respected. But no one ever talks about just where Shirou gets all that stamina to deal with ... all of them. Perhaps, in the end, it comes from the same place as his sheer determination. 

"Ah." He smiles sheepishly. "Right." He leans forward and kisses her. "I've missed you too." 

"And I you." Saber savours the kiss, looking forward to their upcoming vacation, and all it entails. "Come. It's best that we not keep the household waiting." 


	95. Chapter 95

Rin's legs wrap around Shirou's waist, squeezing it between her slick thighs, as she clenches her canal. She makes it pulsate, her Magic Circuits activated, her Crest cycling in tandem with the glowing lines forming on Shirou's body ontop of hers, urging him, coaxing it out of him, faster and further and farther ...

"Ughnn!" Shirou finally growls as she feels his buttocks clench under her fingernails as he cums. _By the Root, yesss ..._  Rin screams in her mind as she feels him cum deep inside of her, even as vocally all she does is squeal and hiss, her vaginal walls and the moist labia stretched out over her clitoris throbbing in tune with her consort's ejaculating cock. Wave after wave of pleasure passes between them, months worth of frustration, and near sublimation converting itself from Od to mana -- to magical energy -- and finally, an ebbing relaxation, a form of utter relief. 

He lies ontop of her. Ordinarily, she'd rib him for that, for being heavy. They would exchange barbs back and forth. Perhaps he would tell her that she pinched him again, and to watch her own strength. Her rejoinder would be that he has to work on his Kegels exercises and lower body strength to withstand her power, that she would not hold back for his sake. Usually, that would end with him calling her the "selfish guy" in their relationship, and all she'd need to do is go to sleep right after to prove him right. The fact that she would often fall asleep after a few hours of ... energy exchange did not help her case. But she isn't tired this time. But she isn't feeling particularly abrasive either, at least not after all of this intimate lubrication they've both undergone. 

Besides, she's missed the baka. A lot. 

 _Mine._ She thinks contentedly as she strokes his muscular back, feeling him still inside of her, smiling like the cat she would never admit she resembles. He moves up slightly, and wraps his arms around her, holding her against himself, resting his chin on top of her head. She buries her face in the crook of his neck, smelling his sweat and the scent of his spent desire in her. "Baka ..." She murmurs in his skin. "You're not supposed to get _me_ pregnant again." 

She hears him splutter for a little bit. It never gets old. It's almost as bad as what she did to Issei, but on a whole other level entirely for obvious reasons. "Really, Tohsaka?" He murmurs. "Maybe I should have gone to Rider first ..."

Rin punches Shirou, lightly, with her fists, though with some chuckling. "Yeah. Good luck on that. She's definitely not interested getting pregnant."

Shirou groans, and she can't help again for smiling devilishly. It serves him right, really. Sometimes she wonders, half-heartedly, if he realizes just how lucky he is. "That's not ..." He sighs against her. "We had that talk already."

"Yeah. I'll bet it was all of one sentence too." Rin says. "'You're not getting me pregnant, boy.'"

Shirou laughs, and feels him move in her when he does. It tickles. "Well, it was actually two sentences. That one, and 'I tend to eat children, not carry them.'"

Rin feels her face twist into something in-between humour and horror. "Dear god. I ... don't know how I would have handled that, if she said that to my face."

"Oh Tohsaka." Shirou says, slipping out of her to rest at her side. There is a pang from the cold, and his physical absence from inside of her. She misses him already. "You know she'd never harm Nagi or Kari. She'd die before anyone touched them. I think ... I'd be more worried about her eating one of you."

"I ..." Rin glares at him. "That's me, and my sister you're talking about, baka."

He actually smirks at her. _Smirks_ at her. "You mean my wife and my ... wife?" He blinks. "Huh. I guess that's exactly what I mean."

Rin laughs at him. "Don't hurt yourself now. You have more obvious and appropriate bits for her to eat if you knocked her up."

Not that Shirou, or any man actually could. Short of a divine being, which Rider would want no association, she was a Divine spirit, a fallen one, and a deceased life form at that. Rider is only kept in existence, in the World, by Sakura's considerable power. She could interact with the World, on a physical level, even eat food and drink. Sleep doesn't seem beyond her either. But she is an actual Heroic Spirit, albeit one that had been summoned due to the influence of the taint on the Holy Grail. It would be like attempting to inseminate a concept, or a living idea. The two states of being would just not line up properly, short of perhaps a miracle like the Third Magic intervening, and even that wasn't a guarantee in this theoretical situation. To be honest, aside from examining her magical nature -- when Rider, admittedly, wasn't examining Rin's more ... physical state, Rin herself never really noticed Rider having any interest in children beyond reading to their sons, or taking care of them. Not like Saber. She had seen the look in Saber's eyes when she, Sakura, and Shirou took care of Nagi and Kari. She considers them her children too, which they are, blood be damned. But she recalls Saber telling her about some dreams she has from time to time. Rin does wonder if Saber knows what she wants to get herself into. If the King of Knights thinks she has an appetite now, carrying that appetite for two or more, might be a whole other branch of Spiritual Evocation magecraft that no one had ever thought to consider, never mind pursue. 

"Tohsaka -- I mean." Shirou sighs. "Rin? Rin, are you okay?"

"Yeah." Rin grins, deciding that there are some matters that Shirou will have to settle with Saber himself. She did not deign to join them this time, stating she would have her time with him soon. "I'm just thinking about how things work out. You know: I'm here, with my consort, while Luvia has to babysit all those kids at her place." Those are about the only children that Edelfelt will ever gain from Shirou as far as she's concerned.

"Rin." Shirou's tone takes on a serious edge. "Those kids have gone through a lot."

"Oh, even I don't think Luvia's _that_ bad." Rin says, before sighing. She has taken the time to help her deal with those children as well. "No, I know they've gone through hell." She clenches one of her fists. "If we ever find out who's doing this, maybe the both of us will get to explore the full range of Finnish curses on some worthy subjects after all." She sighs again. "But Shirou." She says, looking at him. "We can't keep taking them in. It's too much of a risk ..."

Shirou's eyes harden. "I'm not going to abandon them or ..."

"I didn't say _we_ would." Rin snaps. "I mean, when it was a few of them, it was all right to host them in parts of the House. Even with your students."

"My team --"

"Your students, baka." Rin corrects him, wagging a finger at him. "You can understate all you want, but I'll call them what they are. You can't tell me that you haven't seen how they've grown under you. With you. And honestly." Her mind wanders. "I'd rather our Alliance have them than Illya's homunculi to depend on."

"Illya's family are still people, Rin."

"Oh I know that. Believe me, you just have to take one look at the brat and her maids ..." She rolls her eyes. "It's just good to have people to depend on. If only to a point."

"Is this about what happened at the Tower?"

Rin slowly exhales. She turns away from him, trying not to let those thoughts intrude on their time together. "Yeah. I probably shouldn't have said anything. It was, like I said, just a pissing match."

"I'm glad you did say something." Shirou replies, enveloping her from behind. "We know the state of things a bit better now. Still, thinking about homunculi guards? My team? Isn't that ..."

"Shirou." Rin says, holding his arms, settling into the hard warmth at her back. "They're still watching us. Illya's told me she wants more homunculi here too. In Germany, they are just around in case of any emergencies as they have been for centuries. But we've had scrutiny ever since the Ritual failed. And Zelretch. Heh. Who would have thought having him for a mentor would have made things even more complicated ... you know, aside from a complete idiot?" 

"Well, you're not." Shirou says. He kisses her on top of her head. "And they know that too. You have influence now. And you are getting more."

"And that gives us more attention, one way or another." Rin replies, shifting around to face him. "And now you are bringing children in who may or may not be ... part of something larger. And I think it is. We need to maintain secrecy."

"And having more homunculi will make us stand out less?" Shirou arches an eyebrow.

"We have ways to make sure others don't see them with Bounded Fields and such." Rin says, though she realizes he has a point. "And it's less about whether or not the rest of the world sees us, as it is the Clock Tower believing that we will endanger them." 

"Well ..." Shirou says. "I was thinking about building an orphanage."

"Definitely not on the old Matou land." Rin all but spits. "I know we .... fumigated it, and took out that rotting mansion but even Sakura still won't go near the place. And I don't blame her."

"I agree." Shirou replies, shuddering in sympathy. "Though Sakura did good work on the Park. Perhaps ... maybe without all those grudges there, we can come to agreement with the City. Build one there. A memorial to the five hundred ..."

Rin hugs him. "Yeah. That would be a good start. But that will take time. And we need ... we need experts to help with some of those kids."

"And that's why you want to arrange those meetings."

Rin nods. "Yeah. I mean, the El-Melloi are doing what they can, but they need to remain circumspect as well. It's all a bunch of checks and balances. For Professor Velvet, there is Reines. For Zelretch, there is Barthomeloi. And hell, for Zelretch there is just ... Zelretch." She shakes her head. "Your students are doing well, but we need access to more experts who aren't ... directly in the Tower's pocket. Or those self-interests are a little more ... enlightened."

Shirou's mouth turns into a thoughtful, flat line. "We have to be careful who we let in. And how much they're allowed to know."

"No shit." Rin grumbles. "We have to show that we have power, and force, but not too much to seem a threat. But not too little to seem like we have nothing to offer. Our Crest and Mystic Code work gives us some standing in terms of craftsmanship, but politically speaking -- aside from some favours we're owed -- we're still a little more uncertain. There's going to be a give or take whatever we choose. But if ... If we need resources outside or on the periphery of the Tower, we have to decide that now. While we have something of a lead."

Rin hopes to fully secure their autonomy, whatever developments, within the system. The system is flawed and idiosyncratic as all hell, between its elitism and prejudices bordering on xenophobia, but popularity and skill have always proven to overcome those elements. Popularity, skill, knowledge ...

And power.

"Rin." Shirou says. "I know that Saber and I agree. If you need us --"

"Absolutely not." Rin glares up at him. She pokes him in the chest. " _You_ are going to go on vacation with her. Both of you are going to take some time off. I promised both of you."

"But Rin --"

"And you promised her. And I know you want to keep that promise." She stares into his amber eyes, somehow still earnest after all this time. Somehow still not grey. "We will be fine. I know exactly how to handle our first meeting. We have Rider, and I know who I need to take with us." She strokes his face. "Also, baka, I will keep you informed of exactly what is going on. You got that?"

"Yeah." Shirou scratches the back of his head. "I know. Besides, I know I just get in the way of all those things."

 _Is that what he thinks?_ Rin decides to nip this in the bud. "No Shirou. You don't. You gave us a lot of resources we didn't have before when you were my apprentice at the Tower. Like your students. And given how earnest you look, people let down their guard with you. That got us a lot of intelligence when you played figurehead there. Hell, even our association with Luvia would've been more complicated without you. Just face it, baka." She comes in and kisses him. "We need each other to survive any of this. And." She grasps his half-hard cock. "I need you."

"Rin ..."

She smiles. "Saber will get you later. Sakura and Rider can wait. Right now, I want the bone of your sword."

Shirou groans. "C'mon, Tohsaka." He says as she starts stroking him. "Isn't that ... getting a little old?"

"I don't know Emiya-kun." She says as she moves lower on the bed, putting her face near his cock, lowering her lips over the head. "You tell me." 


	96. Chapter 96

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A friend of mine managed to fix my laptop, which is awesome. So much stuff has happened in this story so far. I feel like I'm coming to an important point soon. There are at least, though I might have said this before long ago at another time, one or two -- possibly three -- more events happening. And then, Fate/Stay Life will be drawing to a close. 
> 
> We're not there yet though. It's one thing to have some ideas as to what you want to do, but to write them out is another matter entirely: to get through the junk in your brain and daily life to find those good lines and picture those interactions. This next scene is something I had in my mind for a little while now. It's nothing as extensive as Emiya's Alliance or "Emiya's Army" if you prefer, but I think there are some fans among you that will appreciate the sentiment that goes into this next part. 
> 
> I hope to see you all soon. Thanks for reading. :)

Shirou watches Saber looking down at her grave.

Strangely, among the many other things he's seen and heard from the War and onward, this is one of those things with which he can almost relate. He shrugs off the memories of another man facing the gallows, of swords piercing through a single body on a hilltop, and of a knight cut down by her own son as she strikes her down as well, and forces his mind to come back to Glastonbury Tor. 

The sun is setting over the hills into orange and pink pastels, the mid-afternoon painting the hilltop in different colours as the other tourists slowly make their way out of the ruined St. Michael's Church, and its courtyard where they both stand. 

"It's a strange thing," Saber says, after a while, her face solemn and dyed with the colours of the waning sun, "to look at your resting place, where you should have died over a thousand years ago."

"... yeah." Shirou scratches the back of his head. "I'm sorry, Saber. I mean, it's supposed to be our vacation, and here we are at this memorial. I ... dammit. I really shouldn't have said anything."

Saber gets up from where she is kneeling at the inscription in the grass. She looks down at it for a few seconds more, before turning around, and facing Shirou. "Don't apologize, Shirou." She tells him. "I knew it existed. I just ... well ..." She shakes her head. Shirou can't help but think she looks lovely in her white summer dress. Even her _ahoge_ isn't out of place. "I just never got around to investigating the site of this memorial myself. I also didn't know that you come here, yourself, sometimes."

Shirou sighs, feeling very self-conscious. "I don't come here often, you know." He says. "I've traveled a lot through England for Rin and other Clock Tower things. Even to meet some more of my team. One time Rin and I came here to do some Mineralogy stuff, looking at the leylines of this place along with some others."

"I remember." Saber says, smiling faintly. "Rin was telling me about that. It's strange how in our own work for Zelretch, we never found our way here." She shakes her head at the ridiculousness of it. "She said we should've come together."

"You could have." Shirou replies, feeling the awkwardness of the statement as it leaves his lips, realizing how stupid it sounded. 

Saber shakes her head again. "I was ... well, not ready, especially after everything that had happened ..."

"Damn." Shirou murmurs. "Saber, I'm --"

"No." Shirou feels Saber put her hand on his, making him look down at her. He sees the sympathetic smile on her face. "Don't be sorry. You have nothing to apologize for. Besides, we both know my grave isn't here." She looks around again, not stating the obvious that -- technically -- she never died at all. "Whatever those monks found, it wasn't my body. And Guinevere wasn't with me. They wouldn't have ... buried her with me. It's strange." She repeats again. "Looking at a memorial to a man who didn't exist, who isn't technically deceased," Saber smiles wanly, "and a woman who was never even here. Mind you, after the Battle of Camlann ..." Saber squints around the area. "Sir Bedivere could have brought me here near the trees, where I was resting before I talked with the World ... It was as beautiful a spot than as it is now, despite the circumstances of the time ..."

Saber begins walking away from the ruins, and Shirou follows her to their campsite such as it was. It isn't much of a campsite, just a picnic blanket, a basket with all of the food Shirou prepared for the two of them -- a _very_ large picnic basket -- and a Bounded Field so that they would not be disturbed. Shirou found that this place had a natural mana flow as he had discovered with Rin through their exploration of the leylines here, and aside from the scenic view from these particular trees, there is a comfortable ambiance here that he could utilize. 

"They say that this place was the inspiration for Avalon." Shirou offers as they sit down on the blanket, the Field recognizing them, everyone else a few metres away not even being able to perceive them. 

Saber sits down cross-legged, her facial expression continuing to look contemplative. "I can see why. As I said, it is a very beautiful place. I see why you do come here sometimes."

Shirou breathes out. "I ... I don't generally come here to look at the scenery."

Saber looks at him, her green eyes glimmering with inquisitiveness. "Oh? Well, why do you come here Shirou?"

"Well ..." Shirou chuckles uncomfortably, moving his hands down his thighs. He really shouldn't have said anything on the air trip back to England ...

"Shirou." Her feels her cool hand on his own again. This time, it grasps his own, inviting him to return the gesture. And he does. "I suppose that isn't a fair question, given how insistent I was at visiting this place."

"No." Shirou shakes his head. "Not at all Saber. It makes more sense for you to ... want to be here, even if it also, well ... makes sense that you'd be uncomfortable here."

He recalls them on the plane, talking about their travels, then continuing to exchange more intimate stories between ... sessions, about their time apart. He mentioned Glastonbury Tor, and the intent look in her eyes as she said she wanted to spend at least one day here. Somehow, that gaze was more intense than the one that she gave him when he used their kitchen in their hotel room, free of magi observation as much as possible, to make the food that he knows that she loves so much. It'd almost scared him,, even though she still touched him, and otherwise seemed fine. But he hadn't been sure: an uncertainty that remained even on their long ride here with the other tourists. 

"Very well." Saber's words break through Shirou's brooding thoughts. "Let us make a deal, Shirou. I will tell you why I was so keen on you bringing us here first. And, if you feel comfortable, you can tell me why you visit this site. It also goes, without saying, that you can tell me anything."

"Likewise, Saber." Shirou feels stupid for this entire thing. "I'll start, if you want."

"That is acceptable." There is an audible growling noise. Saber's cheeks flare with a pink that has nothing to do with the lowering sun. "But first, perhaps, we should eat. Then we can talk."

Shirou laughs. He can't help it. Some things really never change. Saber looks down at her stomach, chuckles too. A slight tension is alleviated between the two of them. "Okay." He tells her. "Food first, then talk."

"Indeed. We have to keep your stamina up, after all." Shirou blinks as he thinks, for a few moments, that Saber somehow ... winked at him. But when he looks again, she is taking a large piece of cake from the hamper and is daintily, and immaculately, consuming it whole. He blinks again, and lays out some more of their food.

There is only companionable silence between the almost four-course meal. After about a half an hour, where they are sipping tea from a thermos -- with cups taken with them from the hamper -- Shirou feels full, and the warmth of the food in his belly, the tea, and Saber leaning on his shoulder relaxes him a bit more. He doesn't feel awkward or stupid anymore. It's almost like those times he and his _Jii-san_ used to sit out on the veranda and look up at the sky. 

Shirou holds his cup in both hands as he talks, breathing the steam. "Between errands and missions, I come here sometimes and look at that plaque." He admits. 

Saber doesn't say anything, but simply looks at him with calm expectancy, waiting for him to complete his thoughts. Shirou sighs. "When I'm having a really bad day ..." He shakes his head. "It's weird ..."

"Go on, Shirou."

Saber cuddles into his side. He imagines her doing something like this during the War, even before the Shadow, and he just ... can't. They've both changed over time, enough to get to this point. "It's weird." He repeats. "When I'm having bad day, when I keep remembering the rest of the War, or the Fire, or ..." _He sees Saber, blackened by the Shadow, her eyes a sickening golden yellow, and Sakura's body embraced by red veins, her hair white, her eyes all red. The Dead Apostles he has faced, and their victims. The insane or corrupt magi that he's had to bring in, or kill. The loss of some of his team. And the children at all those strongholds they keep finding ..._ "I come here, when I'm in England. Not a lot, like I said. When I'm in Fuyuki, I have you, Rin, Sakura, and Rider. And the kids. The team. Even Taiga, Issei, and Ayako."

"To keep you balanced." 

Shirou nods. "Yeah. Something like that." He returns the squeeze of her hand. "I guess, it's more I come here to get some perspective. I look at that memorial, here, and I think about just how close -- how really _close_ we were -- not to having ... _any_ of this. I ..." He feels utterly selfish for thinking this, for what he's about to say, but he's gotten this far, and there is really no turning back. "If the War had been ... normal? If any of these Wars, any War, can be normal ... You still would have been gone. I might ... I might not have even been able to say goodbye to you ...

"I figure ..." He continues, haltingly. "I figure that if you had left, if we'd said goodbye -- or if we didn't -- I'd come here, and I'd miss you. And I'd be taking to a plaque made to a person who no one really ever knew, instead of holding you in my arms. Even if I'd been with Tohsaka, then, I still would've been here. And if ..." He closes his eyes. "If what I did under the Mountain hadn't worked ... or if I never had that idea ... 

He looks down at his cup. "I wouldn't have been able to come back here at all." 

Shirou wants to say that it would have hurt too much. That he couldn't even conceive of failing under Mount Enzou. That the pain of her loss would have been like losing his arm to the darkness all over again, but worse. It would have been a part of his soul. That night, in the shed, when Lancer was going to kill him, and Saber had arrived in the moonlight, she'd taken a part of his heart. Of his soul. After he saw Saber that night, and all the days and nights that came after that, after fighting and bleeding together, after feeding her, and having her wait outside his room, and in his dojo, after introducing her to his friends and family, if he had had to kill her -- and he knows now that he would have done it -- he would have killed a part of himself. It'd been more than her beauty that took him from that night. It'd been her dignity, her honour, her friendship, her nobility, and her kindness. Even without Command Seals, he knows she would have followed him to the very end under any other normal circumstances. He'd seen what the Shadow's corruption had done to Berserker, who had been otherwise loyal to Illya. He doesn't blame Saber for what happened. He wouldn't have even if he had been forced to kill her. They'd talked about this, on and off, over the years at night when neither of them could really sleep, when the nights were hard. 

"I ..." He tries again. "You are one of the most beautiful things in my life. I never expected you." He almost chokes, and wipes at his eyes. Damn sentimentality. He's a grown ass man, dammit, and this place shouldn't be affecting him even half as much as it should probably bother her. "Maybe that's one reason why you are really beautiful, Saber. I never expected you. And you came and saved me. And no matter what happened after that, you coming to me changed my life. Forever." Shirou really wishes he can write poetry aside from hackneyed arias that almost destroyed reality. "And if I had to kill you, none of it ... none of it would bear thinking about. I couldn't do it. I couldn't ..."

He feels her wrap her arms around him. She doesn't say anything. Shirou can feel her face, her cheek, on his chest as she holds him. He wipes at his eyes, and coughs, trying to regain his composure. "That's why I come here." He whispers. "To remind me of what I could have lost, and how I haven't. And that you are all still here. You are all here."

She looks up at him. "You know, if it had happened, I would have wanted you to do it. I ... _did_ want you to do it. But you were stubborn." She shakes her head. "But more than that, I would have wanted you to live on. No matter what happened to me. No matter what still happens to me."

"I know." His voice breaks and he coughs again, trying to regain its timbre. "But it wouldn't have been the same without you."

He feels her smile against his chest, as she holds him again, squeezing his shoulders with her arms. "I know." She gets up, and looks into his eyes. She sips her tea, even as Shirou does the same. He feels her hand on his back as he leans forward, regaining his composure. The mood swings or, as Tohsaka likes to put it, actual displays of different emotions tend to happen more after he died and was transplanted into a new body. Of course, the War itself would have been enough to affect anyone, but sometimes it even surprises Shirou just how much it still does. 

"It's humorous, actually." Saber says, looking out onto the countryside. "Part of the reason I came back here, was to see if I remembered anything from that time." She chuckles quietly. "Obviously, this place isn't Avalon, though perhaps there might yet still be a gate to the Reverse Side of the World somewhere here. Perhaps it is this World's counterpart to that place now. Who knows, perhaps somewhere nearby is the Lake with the Lady Vivian. Where I gained my sword." Her brow furrows. "It all looks familiar, but there is nothing that particularly stands out. I do recall there always being structures here, some even older than the Romans. I enjoyed the sight-seeing. And it is romantic, in a way. 

"But I think." She says, wrapping one arm around Shirou's, her eyes meeting his earnestly. "The real reason I wanted to be here was similar to your own. This is the place where I was supposedly buried. But I wanted to come here to remind myself that I am so very much alive." She leans forward and kisses his neck. "I am more alive now than I ever was over a thousand years ago. The memory of 'King Arthur' might be buried here in the national consciousness of my subjects, but I am here. I know what kind of existence I have, Shirou. I know how tenuous it is: being stretched between life and death, and personal choice with the World and myself. But you and Rin have made a bond with me that transcends time. I exist here, right now, because of love. And that feeling is a force, and a power far beyond anything that I could find from my time, or in this place." 

"Saber ..." Shirou says, his heart welling up with something beyond mundane words like emotion. He places his cup down before, suddenly, Saber is on top of him. She isn't abrupt, or rough. She simply swung one leg after the other so that she is sitting on his lap, straddling him, a part of him: as though she had always been there. He feels her hands, her small but powerful slender hands on either side of his face. 

She kisses his face. He realizes that she's kissing under his eyes, the hollows of his sockets, where there are more tears. Then she kisses his mouth. Softly, then deeply, as though she is drinking him. He kisses her back, tasting the fields and the honeysuckle of her mouth. The sweetness of Avalon, of a place where she sleeps in legend, until one day she is needed again ... 

"And that love is great." Saber says. "It's greater than anything I've ever felt. It's greater than me. Than the both of us." She takes his hands and places them around her waist. "I want someone to be a part of it. To embody it. To embody that love." 

It takes Shirou a moment. Then confusion gives way to wonder, and awe. 

 _"Baka ..."_ He remembers Rin saying back at their home, before this trip. _"You're not supposed to get_ me _pregnant again."_  

 "You ..." It all comes together. "You all planned this, didn't you. I mean ..." He shakes his head. _Smooth words, Emiya._ "I mean, everyone knew you wanted to ..."

"Yes." Saber smiles, stroking his hair. "Everyone did. Illya gave me Avalon back. Rin suggested that we come here for Beltane. The land of Glastonbury Tor has strong elemental energies, encouraging fertility. So ... I did have another reason I wanted to come here. With you."

Shirou swallows. "Are ..." He berates himself for asking this, of course she's sure. But he has to ask, given what happened to her in the past. "Are you ... sure, Saber?"

"Yes." Saber replies, without hesitation. "I want another child. I want a child who I will carry. I want a child without deception, and whom I can raise with those that I love and trust. I want someone who will carry the Pendragon name and blood. But ... most of all, I want someone who I am making, with someone I love, and who will be made out of love." She kisses Shirou on the forehead. "I've come to terms with my past. I was a terrible Father. But ... I hope this time to be a better Mother."

"You ... you already are." Shirou says, cupping her face with one hand. "Nagi and Kari absolutely adore you." 

"And I them." Saber smiles. "I want to give them a sibling." Her smile falters a bit. "Unless you aren't ..."

Shirou leans forward and kisses Saber, long and lingering and firm. He looks into her eyes, not breaking eye contact, and lets himself grin. "Yes. I want this."

"As do I."

Then, there are no more words as Saber pulls up her skirt. As she throws off her soaked panties, Shirou realizes just why Saber wore a dress today, a fact reinforced by her unzipping his fly, and taking his cock out. He had grown painfully hard underneath her. By the time she guides him into her, lowering herself down on his shaft, the ache is enveloped into the blazing warmth of her tight pussy. It doesn't take long for it to devour him like the maw of a dragon over a sword blade, its fire melting and reforging him as he moves into her inner furnace. They rock back and forth on each other, moving slowly and gently. Shirou can feel his Od cycling through his Circuits, the makeshift Crest on his arm from Rin and Sakura activating. The bond between him and Saber crackles and whispers, growing stronger and more definite. 

His hands hold her face, as his lips meet slowly with hers, feeling her warmth, their warmth increasing. It is slow and golden, and feels as though Shirou's spine is melting along with the rest of his mind into Saber's welcome flesh. His hands explore her body, her curves and her muscles, the bumps of her spine down her back. Her hands are doing the same to him. It's as though they are merging together, becoming something else, making something else ... The mana around them from the land envelops them like the blanket he had the foresight to put over them, even with the Bounded Field distorting senses away from their position. 

Time falls away, and Saber becomes all there is in this ancient land, in the glory of summer, merging, forming into something more ...

"Master." Shirou hears Saber's voice whisper in his ear, her chip resting on his shoulder, resting on him. "Give me the order."

"The order ..." Shirou murmurs, his thoughts lost in her, his body and self open to the woman undulating against him, riding him, whom he finds himself within. 

"Order me ... Master." Saber looks at him, holding his face in her hands, her green eyes staring deep and hard into his own. "Shirou. Master ... Shirou ..."

"Saber ..." Shirou moans, keeping eye contact with the woman he loves, feeling the power crackle within him. "I'm ..."

"Order me, Master." Saber whimpers, resting her forehead against his own, the two on a slant with Shirou's back against the nearby tree trunk, at equal height to do so. "Order me to bear your ... child. Call me ... call me by name. My ... my real name. Order me. Please."

Shirou can barely bear it. "Saber I ... No ..."

"Master ..."

"Oh god." Shirou feels his body moving beyond his control. "Arturia ... I order you ... I order you to bear my child, Arturia. My Saber. My Arturia."

"Yesss ..." Saber. "Yes, Master. Please. Oh god _yes_ ..." 

Shirou grits his teeth, his forehead against Saber's as he clenches down and orgasms deep inside of her. It's almost unbearable. Wave after wave of pleasure rips through him, in pattern to her undulations as she moves to his shoulder and shrieks into his skin. The dragon roars between them, within them, from her to him, and back ... reinforcing their bond, spiraling into her womb. It squeezes every ounce of semen into her and he almost thinks he can see blue skies and golden fields and glittering lights as they hold each other. Then, there is only relief. There is only bliss. 

They continue to rock back and forth against each other. Shirou strokes Saber's hair. Her _ahoge_ is back, seemingly the only thing on her not slicked in the sweat of their exertion. He rests his chin on top of her head, holding her to his body. She murmurs against him, his seed and himself still inside of her. It's sticky and messy, and warm and wonderful. In this place where death happened, where the dead was supposedly buried, was life, and perhaps even the beginning of a new life entirely: one way or another. 

"I love you, Saber." Shirou whispers, kissing the top of her head.

Saber looks up and kisses Shirou's lips. "I love you too, Shirou." 

They hold each other. There is time enough for food. Time enough for slumber. Time enough to ... try again. As many times as it took. And through their actions, and through what they have started this day, they would fill Glastonbury Tor -- called Avalon by others -- or at least their thoughts of this place with better memories. 


End file.
